A Price to Pay
by AliyahNCIS
Summary: One momentary lapse in judgement and Jenny is in a situation that will have lasting repercussions for herself and those she loves.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This is definitely AU...but I love trying to imagine Gibbs and Jenny as a married couple and the challenge that presents. And I know it isn't necessarily the best topic to base a story around so please be aware of some uncomfortable situations, but I just wanted to see how they would deal with this kind of trauma together._

It felt late, like sometime after midnight, but in reality it was only a little after dinnertime. No matter, time was endless in a room with no windows. Jenny Shephard was huddled in the basement, her shaking body clothed in sweatpants and her husband's baggy old hoody. She couldn't stop the tremors rippling through her.

She was afraid. It was an uncommon emotion for her, the director of NCIS. Jenny was known to be strong, stubborn and good at negotiating for her agency and her agents. Fear...fear was something reserved for when important people in her life were hurt or in danger. But this time it was different because this time it was her body that was hurting, h er life that had been threatened.

Jenny pulled her knees up tight against her chest and leaned forward to rest her chin on them. The only lights on were in the hall upstairs and here, in the basement. She sighed and closed her eyes, but immediately opened them again. No. Her eyes flew around the room. Even here it wasn't safe to close her eyes. She couldn't let her guard down again, just in case.

After all, that's exactly why this nightmare started in the first place. Jenny slammed her hand against the workbench in frustration and blinked back tears. Why hadn't she been paying more attention when she left the building Thursday night? She tried to run her fingers through her hair only to find it was still in the same ratty mess from sort of sleeping and her struggle to get free. Not that it had done her any good.

It was NCIS for goodness sake! An armed federal agency, her armed federal agency. There were agents and security details everywhere. Plus, Gibbs usually left the building with her, albeit by a different route. They'd been married for seven months and so far had managed to keep it a secret from everyone. Although, on Gibbs' team, Anthony DiNozzo was always looking for proof that they were more than agent and director.

It was stupid really. She'd wanted to drive her own car that morning. So when she and Jethro met up in the garage, they were already aiming for separate cars. Then Gibbs remembered that he'd promised to stop by Abby's lab before he left. Jenny understood, they were practically father and daughter and heaven forbid Abby think that Gibbs had forgotten her. She liked to be secure in her place as the favourite. Jenny remembered witnessing a hug in the lab earlier and smirked. God help McGee if Gibbs caught him with his arms around Gibbs surrogate daughter. Rule number twelve was not to be taken lightly, though if their marriage ever got out Jethro would have no credibility left with which to enforce that rule with his team.

So Jenny had kissed him on the cheek and told him to catch up. Gibbs had wanted to see her to her car but she'd brushed off his concern with her standard, "I'll be fine Jethro." Ha! He laughed bitterly. Within minutes nothing would be further from the truth. She was still smiling because of her husband as she left the garage and she wasn't paying attention. One second, a moment in the shadows and it was too late. He grabbed her, gagged her and threw her in the trunk of a waiting car. It couldn't have been more than ten seconds at the most. But it was enough.

Shaking her head, not wanting to remember, Jenny ran her hands down her face. But every time she closed her eyes, there they were: images of the longest forty hours of her life. At times she swore she'd counted every second. How many seconds in forty hours? Well over two hundred thousand. Sometimes even seconds were too long. It wasn't just being kidnapped, terrifying as that was. But to wake up hours later tied to a bed in a position that assured she couldn't defend herself no matter the nature of the attack...that was the worst part.

The man had come at her, completely naked and there was barely time for his intent to register. She hadn't been ready for the shock or searing pain that flooded her unprepared body. She was used to her husband's gentleness, not a being used as a harsh strangers plaything. Whether she cried or screamed or struggled it made no difference; he kept on. Jenny had lost track of the number of times he'd violated her. Over and over and over and the pain only got worse the longer he was there or the force with which he came at her. There was nothing she could do and she'd never felt so helpless. No wonder they called it torture.

The gun was another story, kept near his shooting hand at all times. And when she'd refused to return his kiss, trying to bite at him with her teeth - her only weapon - he calmly put the gun to her head without saying a word. There was no question as to his threat, no choice but to cooperate and hope he let her live long enough to be found. In the end she was. But thank God she was not in the same vulnerable position when they came in, guns ready. For her sake and for her attackers, because Jethro would've killed him on the spot, of that she was certain.

An hour, or maybe two before they found the old building where she was, the man had dressed her, tied both her hands and feet together behind her back and tossed her on a cot in a dark room with three other bound women. Once the team found her there was barely a chance for her to exchange glances with Gibbs before she was bundled into an ambulance with the others and taken to hospital.

Rescued in early afternoon, it was several hours later before the doctors were done poking and prodding and examining her. They were concerned about the bruises but Jenny brushed that off. It was what else he had done that injured her more. Internally bruised and torn, the female doctor said it would be several days, if not a couple of weeks, before she felt normal again. Even now just sitting was uncomfortable. Everything was sore, inside and out. She missed Jethro. She longed for the comfort she found in his arms and yet she was afraid to be touched again, even if she knew he would never knowingly cause her pain.

She hadn't wanted to face her big, dark, empty house by herself and chose instead to be dropped off here, at his house. A quiet phone call to Cynthia ensured that Gibbs would get the message about where to find her. And Cynthia, her loyal assistant, was nothing if not discreet.

Jenny heard the front door open and remembering that there was no lock, she reached to her side for the gun she'd retrieved from under Jethro's workbench. Leveling it at the door to the stairs, she waited, the safety clicked off, ready to shoot any intruder. But there was nothing for her to worry about, she heard her husband's voice before she saw him and lowered her weapon, coming to her feet, desperate to be in his arms now.

**I'm a little nervous because this is my first heavy piece of fan fiction. Please review and let me know what you think - did I do it okay? Is there something I shouldn't have done? I'm up for both good and bad feedback. Thanks all for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

"Jen? Jenny?" Gibbs called, rushing in the door, removing his jacket as he went. He saw the light at the basement door and tore down the stairs, stopping short at the sight of her curled up on the couch. She looked fragile and broken and so incredibly young and vulnerable.

She was on her feet in a instant and he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly, so thankful that she was here, that he could finally see for himself that she was okay. But when he pulled back from the hug to kiss her, he realized that his Jenny was far, far away from okay.

"Oh Jen," he whispered softly, tracing his fingers delicately over the bruise around her eye, running his thumb over her cracked lips. "Honey, are there more?"

Jenny looked uncomfortable and moved back from him several inches. "A few," she shrugged, not meeting his eyes.

"Jen, I am so sorry," her husband apologized, breaking his rules, filled with guilt and pain over what had happened to her, and burning with anger against the guy who'd done it. "If only I'd walked you to your car. Abby would've forgiven me this once." He knew by looking at her that it would take much to repair the damage done to his precious wife.

Jethro had learned much more than he wanted to know while he'd been interrogating the monster who relished violating women. Now he was going to wait and see what she told him, before taking a guess at anything. More than anything Gibbs wished he'd let Ziva take a crack at the miserable dirtbag before sending him to be locked up. One witness testimony was evidence enough, three was even better. He didn't want Jenny to have to face him again.

"Come here Jen," he said softly, wanting to hold her until that haunted look left her eyes. Jenny stepped back into his arms slowly, hesitantly and Gibbs wanted to kill the man who had made her afraid. Hoping to soothe her, Gibbs ran a hand up and down her back in a continuous motion, using his other arm to keep her tucked into his shoulder.

Jenny stiffened in Jethro's arms and couldn't stop the memories of another man's hands, his touch most unwelcome, running down her body, touching places only her husband's hands had right to be. It disgusted her and she closed her eyes, wanting to throw up.

"Jen?" her husband's hand cupped her face, his eyes searching hers, worry written all over his face.

She covered his hand with hers and tried to keep the tears at bay. "I'm sorry Jethro I-," she swallowed. "Please don't touch me."

It killed her to say that and move out of his embrace, because she wanted more than anything for him to make her feel safe again. But nothing was right, not tonight.

Gibbs couldn't bear the pain and unshed tears in Jenny's eyes. He needed to be strong for her right now, even if that meant going against all the walls her protective instincts were throwing up at the moment. He set his hands on her upper arms, hating what he was about to ask. In many ways he didn't want to know what kind of hell she'd lived through over the last two days, but if they were going to get through this together, some things she was going to have to share, whether she wanted to or not.

"Why Jen? Why can't I touch you?" He fixed his eyes on her, a gentle version of the Gibbs Stare, designed to elicit information.

Jen looked to the side, trying to focus on anything except her husband's face. "Jethro," she began, only to be cut off.

"Jen please, you need to tell me. Why?"

Jen threw her hands up in frustration. "Because!" she yelled, pushing him away. "When you touch me all I can see is his hands all over me, places they weren't supposed to be!"

"Aw, Jen..." her husband began.

"Don't you 'aw Jen' me Jethro! You have no idea what this has been like, you can't! First, you have never been a women. Second, I know you would never deliberately hurt one." She looked up at him - how to make him understand? "I'm tired and I'm hurt and I'm afraid and I just want someone to fix it, to make all these awful images in my head go away."

Finally. He hated goading her but he'd needed her to get upset enough to speak without censoring her words. Now his heart hurt for her but this was one thing a hug just couldn't fix, no matter what the intentions.

Jethro leaned forward and kissed his wife's forehead. "I'm not going anywhere Jen," he her hand, he replaced the gun on it's shelf and led her towards the stairs. "Come on babe, let's go somewhere more comfortable than the basement."

Jenny obeyed and willingly followed her husband. She stopped in the doorway of the bedroom, her eyes drawn to the bed they so often shared. If only she could focus and hold onto the memories of the good things that had happened there, so she wouldn't think about the last bed she was on.

Jethro tugged on her hand, encouraging her inside. Once she was settled in the middle of the bed, he disappeared into the bathroom, only to reappear a moment later with one toiletry item he had no need of - a hairbrush. Without saying anything, Gibbs nudged his wife forward a bit and slid in behind her, his legs stretched out on either side of her crossed ones. She tensed, just feeling him against her, but then she felt the gentle pull as he began to work through her tangled, below shoulder length, red hair.

Relaxing, Jenny leaned her head forward to make it easier. He often brushed her hair at night and she loved the feel of his fingers running through her hair, of the brush smoothing tangles and curls. One might be surprised at how intimate a simple gesture like brushing a woman's hair can be. Some nights it was all she could do to hold still as his fingers grazed her shoulder or he occasionally planted a row of kisses on her neck. She shivered just thinking about it. Right now the act of loving her husband only brought revulsion and fear. Tonight though, his touch had nothing to do with eliciting passion and everything to do with being gentle and helping her calm down.

After several moments Gibbs leaned forward and put his chin on her shoulders. "Hey," he whispered, "did I ever tell you how much I love red hair?"

Jenny gave a little laugh and leaned back into him. "Yes Jethro, I do think you've mentioned it once or twice. But thank you," she whispered.

He continued working down her hair, brushing out every tangle and snarl until it was smooth as silk. Then he coaxed her into taking a hot shower. Jenny protested at first, unwilling to shed her comfy clothes and be naked again. But Gibbs insisted that she would feel better after. Much to her discomfort, her husband followed her into the bathroom, turning on the shower and helping her undress.

"I can undress myself, you know," she informed him as he pulled the hoody off. When he reached for her tshirt she stilled his hands. "No."

"Why not?"

Jenny looked down. "You may not like what you see," she mumbled.

Nodding, Gibbs braced himself, feeling a jolt when he saw the marks on his wife's body. She stepped out of her sweatpants to reveal more of the same, feeling exposed and vulnerable in just her bra and panties. Gibbs took in the red marks and bruises, the inflamed area of her inner thighs, the pain that crossed her face as he looked. Steppping closer, he lifted first one hand and then the other and kissed her bruised and rope-burned wrists.

Wrapping his arm around her waist he whispered, "You are beautiful to me."

While Jenny stood under the hottest stream of water she could take, Gibbs went through her drawers and found a pair of long sleeved pyjamas. He has a feeling she would not want to see any lingerie for awhile.

Wrapped in a towel, her hair dripping, Jenny took a deep breath. Not okay, but better. She was home now, she was safe and soon she would be sleeping beside a man who loved her very much and knew her every bit.

Gibbs re-entered the bathroom with her pyjamas and new underthings. He picked up an extra towel and rubbed some of the moisture out of her hair. Pushing it aside, he kissed her neck and left so she could change.

_I do not deserve this_, she thought sadly, watching him go. _But thank You that he is so gentle_.

Jenny came out of the bathroom to find the bed turned down and her husband waiting with a glass of water and two aspirins.

"Here," he said, "these might help."

Jenny took the pills gratefully, then crawled into bed. She was so tired. There hadn't been much chance for sleep during the kidnapping and even if there had been, she was afraid to try.

Gibbs stripped to his boxers for bed as usual, but stopped to put an old pair of pyjama pants and a t-shirt on, thinking Jenny might feel more comfortable with more layers between them. He shut off their bedroom light but when he reached for the bedside lamp, Jenny rolled her, stilling his hand.

"No, please, leave it on." Her eyes were wide and dark, scared.

"Why Jen?" he questioned. "I'm going to be right here, I promise."

"Please," she repeated, looking away from him. "At night it was so dark in the bunker that I couldn't see him coming."

Gibbs heart pounded faster and once again he thought how much he'd like to kill that guy. "Okay Jen, okay."

He climbed into bed and waited a couple minutes before reaching for her. Jenny felt im drawing her closer and she had to fight the panic as he molded his body to hers. She curled into a protective ball, tucking her head down and trying to get away from the memories pounding on her head. Gibbs sighed. Maybe he couldn't protect her from the dreams or the flashbacks, but he could make darn certain that she knew he'd keep the bad guys away. He felt the moment she gave in and started to cry. He hated to hear her hurting, the feel the sobs shaking her body, but it was better for her to let the emotions out. Jenny was too good at keeping things bottled up inside. He stroked her hair, her cheek, her arm, trying to give what little comfort he could.

"It's okay to cry Jen," he whispered. "Just let it out. I know you lost something there, give it time to come back."

After minutes and minutes her body stopped shaking and her breathing began to even out. Gibbs was tankful for her escape into sleep, thought he wondered fleetingly how long the peace would last. Matching his breathing rhythm to hers, he snuggled against his wife, but it was a long, long time before Gibbs fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

"No, no, no!"

At 3:30 am, Gibbs was awakened by Jenny's thrashing against him, trying to get free of his hold. He ran his hand over her hair, hoping to calm her, only to have her lash out with her hand, trying to hit him. He shook her, "Jenny!"

"No, get away, get off of me! No!"

The fear and desperation in his wife's voice brought out every one of Gibbs' protective instincts. "Jen, wake up!" He raised his voice and felt her still. He shook her shoulder gently until she opened her eyes.

"Jethro?" Jenny was so tired and groggy and she couldn't shake the cloud of apprehension that surrounded her as she woke up. "What's wrong?" Then she remembered. "Oh."

"Shh, shh," he placed a kiss on her cheek. "It's okay babe, you were having a nightmare."

Jenny ran her hands over her face and nodded. "I remember." She laid her palm against his cheek. "Sorry I woke you."

Gibbs shook his head. "That's what I'm here for Jen, to chase all the bad dreams away."

For a moment he forgot that this was no ordinary dream he had saved her from and he leaned in, brushing his lips against hers. Jenny jerked away abruptly. He winced at the pain that flickered on her face.

"I'm sorry Jen, I wasn't thinking."

Jenny pressed a hand to the corner of her mouth and closed her eyes for a second. "They're just...sore." She looked into his eyes, apology written in hers. "It'll be a few days before you can do more than hold me Jethro." She looked away again. "And I don't know how much longer after that for more."

Gibbs could see her discomfort and he understood. It was no secret that they loved being married, loved the freedom of having access to each other whenever they liked. And they greatly enjoyed all the perks. But just because he couldn't do any more than hold her right now didn't mean he loved her any less.

"Jenny, you don't have to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong."

Jen shook her head sadly. "But I did, didn't I? I refused your offer to walk me to my car, I brushed off my security detail, I failed to use the skills I learned as an agent about paying attention to my surroundings. Maybe if I had been, I'd have gotten the chance to defend myself or scream for help. As it is now...I'm nothing more than damaged goods for you and it is my fault."

"Now hang on just a minute," Gibbs protested, leaning up on one elbow. "True of false: you would've called for help if you had the chance?"

Jenny rolled her eyes at her husband. "True."

"And true or false: if you had any way to stop him from hurting you, you would've done that too."

"True," came her grudging answer. "What's your point Jethro?"

"My point Jen, is that if you could've stopped this mess, you would've. This is not your fault. It's the fault of the dirtbag currently sitting in lockup and if there wasn't people around to watch that interrogation, I probably would've strangled him with my bare hands."

Jen chuckled. "Yeah, I figured you might."

He looked deep into her eyes, weaving his fingers with hers and bringing her hand to his lips for a kiss. "And I have never, nor will I ever think of you as damaged goods. Do you understand?"

Jen smiled faintly. "Yes sir."

He pulled her into a hug. "Don't call me sir."

Gibbs rolled over and felt Jenny slide a bit closer, using his chest as her pillow. "G'night Jen," he breathed softly.

She traced her fingers in slow repetitive motions across his chest. "I don't want to go to sleep," she confided. "I don't want to go back there again."

Gibbs ran his hand up and down her back. "Do you remember that day in Paris when you wanted to know all my secrets?"

Jenny nodded against his chest. "Yes. It was like pulling teeth. You're a man of few words Leroy Jethro Gibbs."

"Uh-huh. But I told you a few anyway, right?" Another nod. "But there's one I kept." He lowered his voice even further. "When I was younger, never mind how old, I had my first big crush." Gibbs kept talking softer and softer, watching as Jenny's eyes got heavier. "I saw this picture on day, in a big city newspaper. A beautiful young teenage girl posing after a dance recital. She was quite the accomplished ballerina."

Gibbs watched a small smile play on his wife's lips but couldn't tell if she already knew the ending or not. "I don't know how I could tell from a grainy, black and white newspaper picture, but somehow I just knew that long, gorgeous hair was red. I've always been a sucker for redheads you know." Jenny laughed softly, she knew better than some.

"Anyways, I guess they didn't want the whole world to know her name because there was only initials under the picture. For years I pondered that girl's identity and you know what? Ten years later I got this probie assigned to my team, green as the hills and full of fire and passion. I always thought she looked familiar. One day I figured it out. But it was strange, because I'd just always known the girl in the picture's name was Jenny. So how about that? My first crush became the love of my life and my beautiful," he checked just to be sure, "sleeping wife. G'night Jen," he whispered in her ear. "Sleep well."


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: This is all I've got so far but more coming when I figure out what happens next._

Jenny didn't know what time it was the next morning when she felt Jethro's hand on her shoulder as he kissed her cheek. "Morning Beautiful."

She didn't open her eyes. Laying curled up on her side was her most comfortable position right now and she felt like she could sleep for another day at least. She could smell the coffee in Gibbs' hand but even that wasn't enough to entice her to move.

"You don't have to get up Jenny, I just want you to know that I'm leaving. Church with Abby and it won't do to be late. Do you want to come with or would you rather sleep in some more?"

Last year when Gibbs came back from Mexico to stay, Abby had gotten even more attached to her almost father. Everyone knew Abby attended church regularly and the team was often invited along. Sometimes they went and sometimes they didn't. But Sunday morning services and lunch afterward had become a tradition for Abby and Gibbs. Jenny had been included on several occasions. Mostly, she figured, because Abby harboured deep hopes of reuniting her and Gibbs. The funny part now was she kept trying to get the now married couple to fall for each other. Some days it was all they could do not to spill their secret to the "family's" youngest daughter.

Jenny thought about it but she couldn't see herself facing people today and finally shook her head. She and Jethro weren't quite sure about God yet, though they were definitely open to the idea. But after the last couple of days Jenny didn't really want to think about God. It was definitely the "bad things happen" argument.

"Okay," Gibbs agreed, wondering about the wisdom of leaving her alone but not wanting to hover. There was a Sig in each of the bedside tables, a knife under the mattress and if all else fails, a baseball bat behind the door. He was quite sure Jenny could take care of herself. "See you in a few hours darling."

Jenny nodded wearily and felt herself slipping back into sleep.

"How's the director doing Gibbs?" Abby asked, twisting one of her ponytails.

Gibbs sipped his coffee, grateful for the hot liquid and the breakfast sitting in front of him. Abby always insisted on getting breakfast for lunch 'just because'. "What makes you think I would know that Abs?"

Abby rolled her eyes and sighed. "Because Gibbs! Even if you and the director aren't together, yet," she murmured under her breath, "I know you still care what happens to her. Oh it must've been awful! Kidnapped like that for hours and hours and never knowing if you were going to be rescued in time! What would've happened if you hadn't noticed her missing after you left my lab that night?"

Abby paused in her rant and flickered her eyes over to Gibbs. The way she looked at him, her gaze penetrating his thoughts...for a moment Gibbs was sure Abby knew their secret. But to his great relief, she dropped it.

"Anyways, I was thinking I could bring the director over something, y'know, to cheer her up. Hey!"Abby's face brightened. "I could give her my taser! That oughta take care of any other sicko creepy jerk types. Yeah," she mused out loud, " and some flowers too. Black roses always make me feel better."

Gibbs grinned at the bubbly, dark haired Goth as she sucked down another gulp of her beloved Caf-Pow! "I'm sure she'd love anything that came from you Abs. But why don't you wait a day, give her a chance to re-adjust and deal with what happened. On Monday bring the flowers and stuff to her office, that way she'll have something to look at all day that will remind her that she has friends and people who love her all around her."

Abby eye'd Gibb warily. That long of a speech meant something was up, but she simply nodded. "Okay Gibbs." Boy, were she and McGee ever going to have to have a talk tonight! They weren't boyfriend and girlfriend yet but she and Tim were slowly working their way back to that. She often called him in the middle of the night just to talk, or brought a movie over at midnight and fell asleep on his couch. He was a good guy to bounce thoughts off, though he'd probably shoot down all her ideas about Gibbs and the Director, saying it was none of their business. Maybe it wasn't, but Gibbs was practically the daddy of the team and anything that affected him affected them.

They ate the rest of their brunch in relative silence. Abby was used to that. What wasn't normal was the far away look in her boss's eyes, how he got all spaced out and ignored her for minutes at a time until she was tempted to start on a completely ridiculous rant about illogical nonsense going on in her life, just to get his attention. Finally she gave up.

"Alright Papa Bear, I can see you're on another planet. Let's go."

Gibbs looked up, startled. "What? Oh, sorry Abs, guess my mind wandered a bit there."

Abby grinned. "Better not let it do that too often Gibbs, one of these days it may not come back."

Gibbs smiled and shook his head at her. He pulled out a couple of bills and left them on the table for lunch. Tucking her hand into the crook of his elbow and watching as she put up her black lace parasol, Gibbs escorted his favourite out of the small diner and to her red car. Leaning in, he kissed her on the cheek.

"Thanks for this morning Abs, it's always great to see my girl."

Abby wrapped her arms around his neck for a hug. "See you in the lab tomorrow Gibbs."

Gibbs smiled and waved as she drove off, then headed for his own car. It had been hours and he was anxious to get home and see how his wife was doing.


	5. Chapter 5

Jenny wasn't sure what time it was when she woke up, but despite the warm of her pj's and the weight of the blankets, she still missed the warmth of her husband. Oh, maybe she should've gone with him and Abby to church this morning. Somehow sitting here in this quiet house didn't hold much appeal now that she was awake.

Pushing aside the sleep warmed covers, Jenny swung her legs down to the floor._ A nice hot shower, that's what I need_, she thought, putting a hand to her throbbing head. But instead of standing under the nice warm water, Jenny ended up just listening to it running in the background. Once she'd gotten out of her pyjamas, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Pushing aside the red hair flowing over her shoulder, Jenny took a good long look at what her body looked like now. She winced, it wasn't pretty.

Her wrists and ankles bore the burns and bruises from where she'd strained against her bonds. There were many finger shaped bruises from when the man had grabbed her, commanding her to be still. Though she couldn't see it, she could still feel the place where he had slapped her cheek, hard. The bruise around her left eye was still dark, but tomorrow she knew it would fade to that ugly yellowish colour that accompanied healing bruises.

She didn't really look much at the area between her inner thighs, she could still feel the soreness attesting to what else had been done as she lay helpless on that bed. Shaking her head, she tried to clear those thoughts from her mind. Jenny turned back to the shower, relieved to still feel hot water, and let herself bask in the luxury of it's warmth. She took her time shampooing and conditioning her hair and combing it out with her fingers. She even shaved her legs, thinking that it would be nice just to feel human again.

It must've been a good half an hour before she finally turned the water off and watched as the steam rose to the ceiling, though it still clung stubbornly to the mirror. It gave her reflection an ethereal look, as if she wasn't quite there. Towelling her hair off, Jenny walked back into the bedroom and began searching through her drawers. She looked longingly at her favourite, worn in pair of jeans, but knew she couldn't tolerate the pressure they would put on delicate areas. Finally she settled for a pair of yoga pants, a long sleeved shirt and a too-small hoody of her husband's.

It was comforting to be in something of Jethro's, even if she didn't have him around. She glanced at the clock, church was over now but he and Abby probably had at least an hour to go before they were ready to part company after lunch. Back to the bathroom to brush out her hair. It was still wet but Jenny wound the mass of it into a bun at the back of her head, at least it would be out of her face. So many times she had considered cutting it to a more reasonable length, but she knew how much Jethro loved it long and she couldn't bear to see the disappointment on his face if she went short again.

Speaking of disappointment, Jenny wiped at the fogged up mirror and sighed. Jethro had been so kind, so understanding last night when she explained that their intimacy had to be on hold for awhile. Still, she knew he must be disappointed. Normally she loved when he touched her, the way he kissed her, how he could make her feel like no one else ever had. As his wife her body was for his pleasure, as his was for hers but she was about to deprive him of that for days if not weeks. Right now she couldn't imagine loving her husband like that, not after having the act used as a weapon against her and so cruelly too. She wondered what the next few weeks were going to look like for them.

Slipping on a pair of socks and an old pair of slippers from the closet, Jenny made her way down to the kitchen. She honestly didn't think she could stomach any food right now, though now that she thought about it, it had been more than two days since she ate something. Still, a cup of tea was probably the most her stomach would handle right now. If even that, and given the way it was churning, she couldn't tell whether the drink would stay down or not.

She set the kettle to boil and went about her tea making preparations. How Jethro always teased her about the amount of work that went into one single glass of tea!

"Geez Jen," he'd complain, "I could drink two cups of coffee in the time it takes you to get one mug of tea ready! It's going to be cold before you even get to drink it!"

Jenny smiled. Maybe she was silly but it was comforting, her tea routine. One perfectly shaped mug - it had to fit in her hand just right. One single packaged tea bag - because the ones that came in bulk just didn't taste the same. A bowl of sugar, the small carton of 5% cream out of the fridge. Finally all was ready. When the water boiled Jenny poured the steaming liquid into her mug and let it sit for about thirty seconds. She didn't like her tea very strong. Saving the teabag in a dish on the counter in case she decided on a refill, Jenny finished fixing her tea. The first sip was like heaven and she closed her eyes and smiled. Ahh, just right!

A little lost and unsure what to do with herself, Jenny contemplated going downstairs and sanding something on her husband's boat. But the basement just brought back memories of last night and that was not something she was prepared to face without Jethro by her side. This was the problem with living in two residences. While she kept a good deal of her things at Gibbs house for when they stayed there, many things that she could use to occupy her time were at her home, fifteen minutes away. She didn't feel like driving today anyways, but even if she'd considered going over there, she wouldn't leave before Jethro got home. He would just worry if he came back and she wasn't around.

Finally Jenny curled up in the living room, picking up a novel that was sitting on the coffee table. It was historical fiction, a story from World War II. Her husband had already started reading it and Jenny picked up where he left off. There was a battle going on and she felt that she could relate. She was still turning pages, her now-empty tea much sitting beside her on the couch, when her husband returned from lunch.


	6. Chapter 6

Gibbs let himself into the house silently, not wanting to wake Jenny if she was still sleeping. If someone were to look closely, they would probably notice the minute changes that had happened since his marriage to Jenny. There was a lock on the door now, though he still only used it when Jenny was in the house. There was also an alarm system, which was a huge step for Gibbs. But Jenny had insisted.

"If I'm staying at that house by myself because you're out late working a case, I want warning that someone is coming so I have time to go for my gun."

Gibbs had thought about protesting but it seemed pointless, she had made her mind up. And when Jennifer Sheppard-Gibbs made up her mind, changing it was next to impossible. Today Gibbs was grateful for her stubbornness. If he had to leave her alone, an extra layer of protection around her made him feel just a little bit better.

He heard her voice when he was taking off his coat. "You don't have to be quiet Jethro, I'm in here."

Gibbs rounded the corner to find her curled up on the couch with a novel he'd started weeks ago and had pretty much forgotten about.

"Good story?" he asked.

She gave him a half smile. "It feels like my life right now."

He sat down on the coffee table in front of her, trying not to crowd her. "How ya doin' Jen?"

Her eyes clouded. "Okay this morning Jethro. How was breakfast with Abby?"

He narrowed his eyes. Yup, there she was, trying to change the subject again. It was always like this whenever she didn't want to talk about something. This woman was the master of tangents and re-directed conversations. While it hurt that she didn't want to confide in him what had happened, Gibbs knew eventually she would have to talk to somebody. Maybe Ducky would have a few suggestions. He'd talk to him tomorrow.

"Good. She's worried about you. I wouldn't be surprised if she shows up in your office first chance she gets."

Jenny shook her head. "I don't want them hovering Jethro, I'm fine."

Gibbs just stared at her until she lowered her gaze to the cover of the book. "Jen, in my experience with women and the word 'fine', they never actually mean it. It's taken years but I finally figured it out. 'Fine' is just an acronym, kind of like NCIS. When women use it they are either Frustrated, Insecure, Nervous, or Embarrassed. Now which is it?"

"I don't know if I should be concerned that you've put that much time into analyzing one word or flattered that you pay attention or scared because you can read me so well." Jenny smiled at her husband, hiding all the thoughts racing through her brain.

He studied her carefully. "I'm thinking three out of four. Insecure, Nervous and Embarrassed. Insecure because of what happened and even though you love me you're having a hard time trusting me right now just because I'm a man. Nervous because you really don't want to talk about what happened even if you need to and embarrassed because its private and you can't bear the thought of actually giving me details. How close am I?"

Jenny shut her eyes. _Never marry an observant man. Never marry a man whose gut tells him everything he needs to know about anyone. Never marry a man who knows you so well he can pick apart any defense you can come up with. But marry him anyways because even after six years apart he still could not make himself stop loving you._

When she opened them again Gibbs was still looking at her, waiting for her to say anything. Having to give that much of an explanation must have been exhausting for him, she thought wryly. He was used to giving orders in short bursts to his team and intimidating information out of suspects without having to say more than five words.

"New subject Jethro."

Her voice was taking on that "director" tone that he respected from her at work. When she used it at home she was hiding something. But he decided to back off for now. Pushing her might only make her shut him out more. He loved his wife but even after everything they'd been through as a couple and apart, Gibbs knew that this was one situation where he might not be able to help her or give her what she needs.

He leaned back and rested his weight on his hands. "What happens tomorrow Jen? We could both take the day off and hide out here."

Jenny slanted her eyes at him. "Oh no Jethro, that's not suspicious at all. The Director of NCIS and her Senior Agent, whom everybody knows she had a past relationship with, both don't show up for work on the same day. I wonder how long it will take Agent DiNozzo to start a pool for that?"

Gibbs grinned. "If he did, I'd smack him so hard his ears would be ringing for a week."

"I know you would. And I appreciate the thought. But we never take days off and I don't want to be stuck in the house for another day. I want everything to go back to being normal."

"Jen, you don't have to rush it. Everyone would understand if you didn't want to be at the office for a few days."

Jenny was getting frustrated. Why wasn't he listening to her? He didn't know what the inside of her head looked like right now. It was scary enough during the day when she could distract herself. At night when she couldn't control what memories showed up, it was worse. She couldn't be away from work for another day. Why didn't he see that she needed a distraction? When she was at work she was not Jenny Gibbs, she was Director Sheppard and the front she used for that identity was going to keep her sane.

She stood up and grabbed her mug off the couch. Trying to control the tone of her voice, she spit the words out through clenched teeth. "I am not having this argument with you Jethro. I am going back to work tomorrow and that's final." Jenny strode back to the kitchen and plunked her mug in the sink. Turning on the water, she got ready to wash the dishes.

Gibbs just watched his wife silently for several moments. Something had just clicked. The last two days he'd been looking at her like a victim, which she was. She was hurt and scared and he wanted to protect her. But just now he'd gotten a glimpse of what else was under the surface. Jenny was angry and not just a little bit either. She was seething mad at the person who had done this, at the whole situation, at him for trying to interfere in how she was handling it. If she didn't let it out soon, all that emotion was going to reach a boiling point and she was going to explode in anger or tears and lashing out some way.

He could hear the clashing of dishes as she scrubbed them forcefully. She clearly needed something to take her anger out on. Gibbs waited until she shut the water off. He glanced over his shoulder at her. She was leaning on the counter, head down, probably trying to figure out if she was supposed to apologize or stay mad at him on principle. He saved her the trouble of deciding.

"Come on Jen," he walked over and took her hand, leading her back to the basement.

Jenny glared at him. "What are you doing Jethro?" She was not in the mood for a talk, for him to help her face her demons or any other form of therapy he might try to underhandedly sneak in when he thought she wasn't looking.

He didn't answer. She followed him down the steps into the dimly lit basement and watched as he turned on the work lights around his boat. She shook her head. Jethro and his boats. She'd lost track of the number of boats he'd built, some named after ex-wives which generally got burnt after the divorce. She knew there was at least one for Kelly and that was one that had actually made it onto the ocean where it was supposed to be. She suspected there was a finished one for Shannon as well, though Jethro had never said what happened to that one and she never felt the need to ask.

The current one had her name on it and she was flattered the day he showed her the carved out letters. They both knew there was something different about this marriage. Her first, his fifth. Jenny had no doubt that, had Shannon and Kelly lived, Jethro and Shannon would have lived to be old together. The three women in his life after that were merely an attempt to fill the holes left in his heart from his family dying and her leaving him in Paris. It made Jenny feel sorry for Jethro's ex-wives, they hadn't known what they were getting into with this man. But she did and that's what made it different.

She knew about the tragedies and the messes in his life, all the baggage and he knew all her secrets and could deal with her stubborn independence and all that went with it. Jenny knew that unlike the others, she and Jethro were going to make it. But what had happened to her and everything that went with it was a big, dark, unexplored abyss and right now she had no idea how they were going to navigate their way through it. Though she was quite certain they would do it together. Even if it was on opposite sides, if he continued to push.


	7. Chapter 7

"Here," Gibbs handed his wife one of his sandpaper blocks and guided her over to a section of the half-built boat. He put his hand over hers and demonstrated the motion of sanding.

Jenny looked like she desperately wanted to say something or yell at him or something, but she didn't. She just looked down at the wood and began to move her hand.

"Sand with the grain, Jen," he reminded her.

For awhile they just sat in silence, both working on different areas of the boat that took up most of Gibbs basement. After awhile Gibbs looked over at Jenny and saw her moving the sanding block more rapidly. From the intense focus and concentration on her face, he could tell his plan was working. She was working some of her anger out and his boat was getting an extra sanding. It wouldn't hurt the wood and maybe it would help Jen.

The silence in the basement stretched on and on, but it wasn't tense, as it would've been if Jenny was truly angry at him and not just at everything in general. When he heard her steady back and forth strokes slow, he looked up. Jenny was crying. Silent tears dripping down her face and onto the boat. Gibbs immediately moved as if to go to her, but then he made himself sit back down. He wanted to comfort her, wanted to hold her, wanted to make everything alright again. But his Jenny was stubborn as all get out and used to being an independent woman. She'd lost a lot of her self-confidence these past few days and he wanted to give her a chance to get it back again, to trust herself and her instincts. Much as he tried to pretend otherwise, nobody could be right all the time.

Jenny dipped her head, hoping that Jethro was too absorbed in his boat and his tools to pay any attention to her. She knew he'd just been trying to help when he suggested she take the day off and when he brought her down here, it took her a minute but she figured out what was behind it. The sanding had helped, a little, and then the tears came out of nowhere and she couldn't make them stop. When she took one last, shuddering breath and wiped her face, she decided it was time to go get supper ready.

She laid the sanding block back on his workbench. "I'm going to start dinner."

Gibbs glanced at the clock. It was three-thirty, but he didn't get in the way of her escape route. "Want some help?"

"No," Jenny shook her head. A little space would probably be good for both of them.

Gibbs kept his focus on his work as Jenny made her way back upstairs. After several minutes he laid his tools down and sighed. He was trying so hard to be there, to be what Jenny needed, but inside his head there were a lot of thoughts he didn't like, a lot of feelings he didn't know where to put. He pounded in one of the wooden rivets extra hard with his mallet, releasing a little of the tension. But he couldn't go slamming things or breaking things down here, it would only worry Jenny and she would want to know why.

Why? Because it was his wife that had been violated. Because that sorry excuse for a man had done something inexcusable to someone Gibbs cared about. He had made this personal and Gibbs had given up his chance to seek his own vengeance for what had been done. He followed the rules, for once. Why? Why this time out of all of the times they'd caught the bad guys, did he let the man off so easy? It wouldn't be the first times they'd roughed up a guilty suspect, wouldn't even be the first time he'd let Ziva get the answer for him because her tactics were more persuasive. Gibbs swore under his breath. He should've taught that guy a lesson he'd never forget. He should've shot him at the scene, never mind that his gun was twenty feet away when the team burst in. The jerk deserved to die.

But telling Jenny what he was feeling wouldn't do any good. She was already hurt, already angry, she didn't need his emotions to deal with too. Maybe he'd go to the shooting range tonight, picture the man's face as the target, and get some revenge that way. Next time he wouldn't miss his chance.

Jenny felt incredibly weary as she climbed the stairs to the kitchen. She thought she'd gotten lots of sleep but bodies weren't very good at playing catch up. She'd probably still be tired tomorrow. Longingly she gazed up the stairs towards the bedroom but a nap right now would make it impossible to sleep tonight and she'd need all the strength she could get to face everyone in the morning.

She looked at the clock and sighed. Three-thirty really was too early to start dinner, even if she had a clue what they were having. Jenny perused the cupboards in Gibbs house. She'd made sure it was relatively well-stocked. Even if they were at her house more than here that didn't mean they wouldn't still need the necessities from time to time. Maybe she could make cookies. It had been awhile since she'd actually made a dessert, she and Jethro still relied on take-out more than actual food sometimes. When one got home after a thirteen hour day at the office, the last thing one wanted to do was go to the effort of putting together a meal.

Still, cookies did sound appealing, which was interesting because nothing had sounded good to eat for the last two days. The silence in the kitchen was very loud. Jenny turned on the radio in the hallway so there was at least something else to listen to. It didn't take very long to do her baking. She'd been making this particular recipe since she was about seventeen and had it fully memorized. She stirred the ingredients together, plopped spoonfuls of dough on the one tray her husband owned and slid them into the oven. The cookies didn't take long to bake but while they did Jenny washed and dried the dishes she had just dirtied.

When the cookies were baked, transferred to a cooling sheet and no longer hot enough to burn her tongue, Jenny helped herself to one. It tasted fine, good even, but Jenny's stomach turned after the first bite and she put the cookie down without finishing it. Maybe she should have supper first. Casting around for something to do, her eyes fell on the refrigerator. She smiled, one thing Jethro never remembered was to get rid of out-dated food. In fact, he probably wouldn't notice until he had a full blown science project growing on the bottom shelf that maybe he ought to go through the fridge once in awhile. Well, that was one thing she could take care of. She supposed wives were good for some things, even if they weren't always good for others.

She peeked inside. Nothing on the shelves looked bad but when she went through the drawers there were some fruits and vegetables that were getting very squishy and gross. And some cheese in the drawer whose colour promised it was way past the expiry date. While she was at it, she decided to clean the fridge. A cloth and some hot soapy water, there really wasn't that much to take out and cleaning was good for the soul, right? She was sure somebody had said that, somewhere.

If she could just keep busy, keep going, keep the silence away and the memories at bay then maybe she would make it through this. Because right now, her mind was a very dark and scary place and she was almost afraid to be alone with herself.


	8. Chapter 8

Gibbs caught a whiff of something coming from upstairs and took a deep breath. Mmm...cookies! That was a surprise. Jenny didn't do the domesticated kitchen stuff too often. He decided to go see how she was doing. And a couple of cookies as a reward certainly couldn't hurt. He entered the kitchen to find her half-in and half-out of the refrigerator. He frowned.

"Jen, what are you doing?"

Jenny stood up quickly. "Oh Jethro. Nothing, just giving the fridge a quick wipe-down. Have a cookies."

Gibbs followed his wife with his eyes as she closed the fridge and rinsed out the cloth. She was practically stammering. What was she trying to hide? She was back to the N in 'fine'. Nervous, but why?

He grinned. "Dessert first Jen?"

Jenny almost blushed. "I do recall someone complaining about dessert, a long time ago. How it always came at the end of the meal when you were too full to eat it? So once in awhile, dessert first is probably okay."

Gibbs mind drifted back, remembering that night in Paris. Yes, he had been complaining about dessert, but it wasn't the food kind he'd been talking about and he had a feeling she knew that. Still, it was too soon to be teasing about anything like that, so he left it alone.

He watched as she leaned against the counter, letting it take all her weight. "What time did you get up Jen? You still look beat."

It was on the tip of her tongue to come back with some sarcastic remark, but to be honest she didn't have the energy to take the comment the wrong way. "After lunch. But apparently that still wasn't enough."

Gibbs moved closer to her. They'd been wary of each other today, keeping space between them, but he didn't want to make it a habit. He took her hand and stood beside her. "You don't have to cook tonight Jen. Why don't we just order in? What sounds good: Chinese? Mexican? Italian?" He smiled slowly. "We might even be able to find some fine French cuisine somewhere if you really want. You could look it up on your Palm contraption."

Jenny had to smile. Poor Jethro, he would forever be behind the times and perpetually confused when it came to technology. "Do you mean my Palm Pilot Jethro?"

"Aw Jen, you know I can't work any of those things. I leave it up to the smart and beautiful women in my life."

Jenny leaned in closer to him, forgetting for a moment that flirting with him was always a dangerous thing. "Oh? And how many women are in your life Jethro?"

"Oh, a whole list of them," he teased, watching her eyes narrow. He pulled her closer and put his arms around her waist. "But seriously, only two of them have captured my heart."

"Two?" Jenny eyebrows disappeared under bangs. "Do I have competition Jethro?"

Gibbs lowered his voice, holding her gaze. "Never," he whispered. "There is only one woman for me, and that would be you." He leaned down but instead of kissing her as he normally would, he turned and pressed his lips against her cheek. He didn't want to hurt or scare her, both were bad right now and fairly easy to do.

"So who is this other mysterious woman?" Jenny questioned, sure she knew the answer.

"That would be the girl who thinks she's my daughter," they laughed.

"Close enough I suppose," Jenny smiled, putting her arms around his neck. "She'll probably start calling you 'Dad' any day now."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. He held Jenny tighter, just glad for the excuse to have her in his arms. He knew where their teasing could lead them, but he wouldn't let it go far enough to make her nervous.

"So," he steered the conversation back to supper, "could the smart and beautiful woman with me find us somewhere to order dinner from?"

Jenny nodded. "I suppose I could do that Jethro." She smiled and extricated herself from his arms.

An hour later they were sitting in the living room holding Chinese takeout cartons and eating with chopsticks. The atmosphere was relaxed and Jenny savoured their normal conversation and their occasional laughter. Could it be this easy? Could they just go back to being them and forget this whole nightmare situation had ever happened? It seemed that maybe they could. Jethro was telling her a story about his team from before her time as director, back when Agent Todd had still been alive.

She laughed, amused and impressed at Tony's guts. "So he actually bought her half a bikini? And she didn't take him down right there? That must've taken some serious control." She was thinking that if Tony ever tried something like that with Ziva she would probably castrate him on the spot, if she didn't torture him first.

Gibbs chuckled. "No time, the helo was taking off in two minutes. But it wouldn't surprise me if Kate gave him a good dressing down later. That DiNozzo," he sighed, "he sure can get himself into trouble fast, but he's a good agent."

"I know how much you respect his abilities Jethro. He certainly stepped up to the plate as team leader last year."

The thought of last year, the explosion, the amnesia, the attack that could've been prevented, and the emotional moment when he'd left his team in Tony's hands, sure this was it, drew them into silence. If it hadn't been for the trouble Ziva had gotten into, he might never have made it back from Mexico. As it was, he couldn't regret a moment of not being there, because not being there meant he got to be here, with his wife. That was another thing that never would've happened if he'd stayed in Mexico with Mike for the rest of his days.

Jenny swirled her chopsticks around the carton. She'd eaten a bite here and there, but mostly she just played with the chopsticks and watched Jethro. She knew she should be starving, and maybe that's what that gnawing feeling in her stomach was. But her stomach itself wasn't cooperating with the idea of food and she hoped Jethro wouldn't notice how much she hadn't eaten. He would just worry.

He looked up at her just then, causing her to wonder again if he had some telepathic powers that he'd forgotten to mention. "You want to tell me why you've only had five bites of your food the entire time we've been sitting here?" he said suddenly.

Jenny sighed. He never was one for beating around the bush. He just chopped the bush down and kept on going. "It's not what you think Jethro. I am not punishing myself, going on a crash diet, or anything else." They'd gone over this territory before when she would go a day or two without eating because she was busy or didn't feel like it, or thought she could live off coffee. She placed a hand on her middle. "My stomach has been unsettled all day, I don't want to push it."

"You gotta eat something Jen," he said, pushing one of the fortune cookies her way. They didn't put any stock in words on paper stuffed into stale cookies, or at least that was how Ziva put it, but the fortunes were generally fun to read.

"You first," Jen said, breaking hers open and nibbling on the cookie.

He unfolded his fortune and read, "'All the effort you are making will ultimately pay off.'"

Jenny raised her eyebrows. "That could be prophetic. I wonder if they know you work for NCIS?"

Gibbs shook his head and crumpled up the piece of paper. It might have more meaning than she thought, given their current situation. "What's yours say?"

Jenny read it out loud before she processed it. "'Accept something that you cannot change, and you will feel better.'" She took her time folding it into the tiniest square possible before she looked up. "Who knew fortune cookie sayings could be so profound?" How could the tone of a room change so fast? They had been having fun, but now it was back to serious. She sighed.

Gibbs leaned back into the couch. "We have to talk about tomorrow, Jen."

She looked up suddenly from her tea. Jasmine tea always went well with Chinese food. "What about it?"

"I want you to go with your security detail tomorrow, no driving yourself."

"Jethro -"

"No buts Jen! It's not like they don't sit out there all night and guard the house when they know you're here anyways. You may as well give them something useful to do."

Jenny rolled her eyes but conceded the point. At this point a security detail was starting to sound like more than just a precautionary thing anyways. "What time are you going into the office?"

"Well, now that we've broken Ziva's habit of showing up at 0500 and waiting for two and a half hours to start work, I was thinking 0700. You?

Jenny laughed. "I remember the days when I would go into the office for 0600, but then I got married and sharing a bed with my husband for a couple extra hours was suddenly much more enticing than catching up on paperwork. I think 0730 is fine. Coming into the office at the same time is just a rumour waiting to happen."

"We're going to have to tell them eventually Jen," Gibbs said, before thinking that this was probably not the best time to bring up another big issue.

Jenny shrugged. "We've managed the past seven months, haven't we? Why spoil the fun now?"

"Because, I'm running out of excuses to come up to your office or MTAC to see you during the day."

Jenny laughed. "I guess we'll just have to have another argument. Then the 'kids' will expect you to be ordered to report to my office more than once, for that day anyways."

It was no secret that the NCIS team were more than just co-workers, they were family. They watched each other's backs, cared deeply for one another, and were there when life threw unexpected curve balls. Abby had explained it to her once, after Gibbs came back.

"It's like Ducky is the grandfather. He cares about all of us and takes care of us. Jimmy is the awkward second cousin who isn't quite sure where his place in the family is yet. Tony is the big brother. He annoys the crap out of us but he would also do anything to protect us. Timmy is the little brother everyone picks on but still loves. Ziva is the adopted older sister who is different but still an important part of the family. And the fact that she can practically kill someone just by looking at them is definitely a plus. Gibbs is the dad. He keeps us all in line and metes out discipline when necessary and rewards when they're deserved. And you director," Abby had smiled coyly, "you're the mom. You're in charge and you're strict but you're not in everybody's face. You fight the bad government guys for the respect our family deserves and you're there for the dad, to be his backup. You know."

Yes, Jenny had known exactly what Abby was getting at but chose to ignore the not-so-subtle hint. "And what about you Abby? What is your place in this family?"

"Oh Director, don't you know?" Abby grinned. "I'm the youngest, everybody's favourite." Then she'd swished out the door in her pigtails and plaid skirt and black studded dog collar. That was NCIS alright, one big happy family.


	9. Chapter 9

Jenny pulled herself back from the memory and crossed her legs, facing her husband. "Jethro, what happened in interrogation yesterday? What did he say?"

Gibbs ran a hand over his face and look away from her. He'd been hoping she wouldn't ask that. He wanted to spare her knowing that a lot of what had happened wasn't as private as she wanted to keep it.

He was quiet for a long time and Jenny had a hard time being patient. "I can take it Jethro, I need to know."

Gibbs met her eyes. "It wasn't too hard to get a confession, four eye witnesses, three willing to give testimony to the intimate details, will do that." He sighed. "He didn't know there was any personal connection, though we did make it perfectly clear that messing with the director of NCIS has high ranking consequences." He looked away. Some things he wished he didn't know. "After awhile he seemed to take pleasure in describing in...graphic detail the nature of his exploits. It was all I could do to not let Ziva and Tony shut him up." He saw Jenny's closed eyes, how her hands were shaking and he reached for them. "I'm sorry honey. He's a serial rapist, a first class jerk and I promise you he will do life in prison for what happened to you and the others. He can't hurt you anymore, I promise."

Jenny shook her head. "But he still is," she said softly. "If what happened gets in the way of my job, if it means I can't be intimate with my own husband, if I am afraid to go outside and afraid to be alone, then he is still hurting me and it doesn't matter how long he is in prison. I don't know how to fix this."

Gibbs didn't want to be on the other side of the couch when she was hurting. "Can I hold you Jen?"

He took her barely perceptible nod as a yes and reached for her. She slid over and sat with her back against his chest and he wrapped his arms around her. She was shaking and he held her tightly, wanting to share his strength. Their bodies moved in the same rhythm as they inhaled and exhaled at the same time. Slowly he felt Jenny relax. They sat that way for a long time, how long Gibbs didn't know, he wasn't watching the clock.

Lowering his head, he pressed his cheek to hers. Jenny reached up and laid her hand on his cheek. "Did I ever tell you how much I love you Jethro?"

Gibbs nodded. "Once or twice. But you can always say it again."

Her breathing was getting deeper and he could tell she was fighting sleep. "I love you," she whispered and he knew her eyes were probably closed now. Much as he would've loved to hold her while she slept, neither one of them would get a good sleep on the couch. _One other reason why wives used it as a punishment when they're mad at you_, he remembered.

Turning Jenny slightly in his arms, he slipped one hand under her knees and carefully picked her up. He didn't do it often, Jenny said it was too fairy tale, too cliche, for the guy to sweep his girl off her feet and into his arms. But once in awhile he could play the knight in shining armour and get away with it.

Jen stirred, but didn't wake fully as he carried her up the stairs. Once he laid her on their bed, he was faced with a dilemma. Normally he would have no problems undressing her and slipping one of his t-shirts over her sleeping form. But tonight that didn't really seem like an option. Okay, what now? Technically he could leave her in what she was wearing and she would be fine. But he knew from experience, or at least he had heard enough girls complain, that falling asleep with a bra one was acutely uncomfortable. And there was no way he was going to try to fix that for her with the last few days still so much apart of everything.

Gibbs laughed. He was feeling as nervous as a newlywed and he and Jenny had been married for months! Not to mention that they'd been together a lot longer than they'd been married. Finally he gave up trying to find a way around it. He shook her shoulder gently. "Jen." She groaned softly. He brushed her cheek with his hand. "Jen, you have to wake up for a minute."

"What?" she asked sleepily.

"You're going to be a lot more comfortable sleeping for the night in your pyjamas instead of in these clothes."

It took her a second but Jenny caught his drift. She thought seriously about undoing her bra through her clothes and just pulling it off that way but there were too many layers and she didn't want to be watched. Jethro was continually amazed at how much of a wardrobe change women could go through without technically taking any of their clothes off. She nodded. "Okay."

Jenny slid off the bed and dragged herself into the bathroom. Changing into her pj's from last night, she was still barely awake by the time she got back into bed. Gibbs had already changed and he watched her, amused, as she did almost everything without really opening her eyes. She did forget to take her hair out though, and the back of her head would be sore tomorrow if she slept with that bun in. When she settled back under the covers, Gibbs ran his hand over her hair, trying not to startle her, before he began gently untangling the elastic. It wasn't easy, he'd never really gotten the hang of all the girl hair doo-dads. Even when Kelly was little and wanted a ponytail, he was all thumbs and Shannon would have to step in and do it.

Finally he managed to release her hair. He watched as it uncurled down her back and he thought once again how soft Jenny's hair was. Climbing into bed and watching his wife sleep, Gibbs decided the shooting range could wait. Even if it was early still it had been a long couple of days and they were both physically and mentally exhausted. He'd go tomorrow sometime. For now he just closed his eyes and let sleep make all the worries disappear.


	10. Chapter 10

For once the bullpen was quiet Monday morning. There was no bickering between Tony and Ziva, no mocking of McGee and as of yet, no headslaps from Gibbs. But seeing as they were practically as reliable as sunrise, that would probably change. Everyone was at work early this morning. It wasn't even 0700 yet but even Tony wasn't complaining about how much he hated the first day of the week. Saturday had left a bad taste in everyone's mouth. What do you do when it's one of your own that has been so badly wronged?

Ziva sat back in her desk chair, her eyes glued on the director's office. She wanted to know the minute that Jenny got off the upstairs elevator. And if she didn't come in this morning, Ziva decided that she'd show up on Jenny's doorstep at five o'clock tonight to see how she was going. She flicked her knife open and closed, open and closed. If Gibbs had just nodded at her in interrogation on Saturday, she would've gladly made that _nachash_ suffer.

McGee concentrated on his computer and the tap of his fingers on the keys. A little normalcy was something to be thankful for. He had felt incredibly awkward when he was in the observation room listening to the interrogation. He didn't want to know what the director had gone through. He felt like it was an invasion of privacy just to listen to her kidnapper and Gibbs talk. And then there was his talk with Abby last night. Of course she called around midnight. Not that he had been asleep, he'd been playing World of Warcraft and really paying not attention to the time. Tim thought he would be comforting Abby because she always hurt when people she knew where hurting. She had a big heart that way and they all loved her for it. But this! The director had been traumatized and all Abby wanted was proof that she and Gibbs were together? Maybe the subject was just too awful for girls to talk about or bring up. He certainly couldn't imagine it.

And Tony, well, Tony was angry. While he was perfectly happy to sleep with any of age skirts who were willing, he had never once forced a girl, nor did he ever intend to. _Some guys should just be shot first and interrogated later_, he thought bitterly. He wasn't even sure if he'd be able to look the director in the eyes this morning, if she showed up. He would not be at all surprised if she took a couple days off. Usually in an interrogation, the more details the better. In this case it was the opposite. He wished he didn't know.

Gibbs thought he was getting to work early, thought he would have a little time in the bullpen to himself, to think how he would handle today. As long as they were keeping their marriage a secret, he couldn't be overly affectionate towards Jenny at work. In fact, he worked very hard to make sure that at NCIS he only called her Jenny when they were locked in her office away from listening ears.

He came in carrying a coffee for himself and one for the director. He knew the team would understand if he was feeling sympathetic this morning. What surprised him was seeing that his team was already there. Now he wanted to know what was going on.

"DiNozzo!" he barked as soon as he cleared the elevator.

Tony almost fell over himself trying to get out of his chair. "Yes Boss!"

"Someone call a meeting I wasn't aware of?"

Tony cringed, expecting a headslap. "Uh, no Boss. We were just, umm..." he looked at Ziva for help but she just smirked and ignored him, "we thought we'd come in early and finish up some paperwork."

"Is that so?" Gibbs stared him down for a moment and then nodded, letting Tony off the hook. He fell back into his chair with a relieved sigh. Made it through the first five minutes without a headslap, check. "Well good. The director will be wanting to sign those reports first thing so they can be filed."

Tony gawked at Gibbs. "So the director is...here today? I mean after...well, didn't she..."

Gibbs suppressed a smirk. Tony was starting to stutter like McGee, trying to get his point across without actually saying anything. He held up his hand. "I'm sure the director wants things back to normal as much as the rest of us DiNozzo."

Tony closed his mouth and turned his attention back to his computer screen. He caught Ziva's eye and they exchanged glances. This was going to be a strange day.

Jenny took a deep breath in the elevator, before the doors opened, trying to calm her nerves. This was her job, one of the things she was best at, she shouldn't be nervous. As she stepped out onto the catwalk, she felt a shift in the room and knew every eye was on her. She squared her shoulders and held her head up high and didn't so much as glance over the railing. As soon as she entered her outer office, she felt herself relax a little. Step One: complete.

"Good morning Cynthia," Jenny managed a small smile for her assistant.

"Director!" Cynthia jumped out of her chair. "I didn't think you'd be coming in today. How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine, thank you Cynthia." 'Fine' was her standard answer for every situation, although since Jethro had dissected the word yesterday, she wondered if it covered as much as she hoped. She'd tried her best with makeup to cover the black eye, but it still showed a little.

She opened the door to her office and went through her usual morning routine. Slipping off her coat she hung it on the stand behind the door. Her briefcase went on her desk. She turned the computer on and sat down in her chair. At last she was ready. Cynthia was standing right there with her day planner.

"What do I have this morning Cynthia?" she asked, her director front firmly in place.

"Not too much yet Director. You have a conference in MTAC at 1000, and a lunch meeting with Commander Watts to review the mission NCIS is assisting with, and a phone call with SecNav at 1430 to go over the monthly reports."

"Thank you Cynthia. Please get me at 0950 so we can head to MTAC."

Cynthia turned to go. Spotting something out the open office door, she sighed. "And Agent Gibbs is on his way Ma'am."

Jenny bit back a smile. Gibbs was a headache for her poor assistant. With his habit of barging in without knocking and his assumption that he should be allowed to know everything she was up to, he just made Cynthia's life difficult.

"Thank you Cynthia."

The director's assistant turned to go, sliding past Gibbs at the door.

Jenny aimed her director smile at her husband. "Special Agent Gibbs, what can I do for you at 0730?"

The door closed with a click behind him and he flipped the lock, just in case.

He held up the cup in his hand. "Coffee, Jen. Marine grade, I thought you could use it."

"Thank you Jethro."

Gibbs stood in front of her desk and took in his wife. They had been busy getting ready this morning and hadn't really had time to say much to each other. Jenny had still been in the bathroom when he left for the office. "How are you Jenny?"

Jenny slipped her glasses on and picked up her pen. Even if she didn't have appointments until 1000, she always had files to be reviewed, paperwork to complete, and forms to sign that would keep her busy. She thought of several ways to answer his question but decided to go with honesty so they didn't end up having a real argument instead of just a staged one to see each other more often.

"A little tired. But I'm glad to be back. There's lots to keep me busy today."

Gibbs nodded. "Your entrance certainly attracted attention. I think you're in for some visitors today Jen."

Jenny slipped off the glasses and sighed. "I don't want anyone's pity Jethro. What happened, happened. It's over now, I just want to go back to normal."

"They wouldn't come if they didn't care Jen."

"I know."

Gibbs turned to go. Normally he would kiss her before he left, but that hadn't been broached yet and he sensed that she wanted things to stay as professional as possible today, so she could stay in control.

"Jethro," she called before he left.

He looked back at her.

"You don't have to check on me today."

Gibbs smiled. "After the stream of visitors I think you'll be receiving, you'll need a refill. I'll see ya Jen."

After Gibbs left Jenny went back to the reports on her desk, reviewing and signing each one and placing them in her outbox for Cynthia to deal with. Several minutes later her phone rang.

"Director Sheppard," she answered automatically.

"Director? It's Cynthia. I just thought I'd let you know. Debriefing called, your mandatory session with the psychiatrist has been scheduled for 0330 this afternoon. It will be a one hour preliminary session and you'll hear from the doctor again tomorrow."

Jenny momentarily forgot to speak.

"Director?" Cynthia's concerned voice came over the line. "Can I get you anything?"

Jenny found her voice. "No thank you Cynthia. I appreciate the heads up." She hung up the phone. Since she'd gotten up this morning she'd been telling herself that everything would be fine, that it would all get better, that going back to work was just what she needed. But the facade she was hiding behind was about to crumble, because the psychiatrist wouldn't smile, pat her hand and tell her everything was going to be alright. Instead, she would take Jenny through the whole ordeal over again, make her relive it and try and put her back together afterwards.

Jenny shivered at the thought. Perhaps, when the doctor was done with her, the pieces would be so jaggedly broken that they couldn't be put back together, not even with Abby's super glue. And then what would happen to her life?


	11. Chapter 11

Gibbs stopped outside of the director's office and sipped his coffee, surveying his team. It did appear that they were actually getting paperwork done and that it wasn't just an excuse to be at the office when the director arrived. He took a deep breath. Jenny's front might be firmly in place but he doubted it would stay that way long. She was still so fragile under the surface, he wished that she would stop pretending that it was over.

He took another draw of coffee. No way he could focus on paperwork, of all things, right now. Walking over to the elevator, he punched the down button. He would go see Ducky. No doubt the older man was anxious to hear about how the director was doing. The medical examiner was the only one who knew he and Jenny were married, but thank God he could be trusted to keep a secret. In fact, he had been the witness at their wedding seven months ago.

The elevator seemed extra slow today and Gibbs shifted impatiently as he waited for it to reach the basement. Stepping off the elevator he was greeted with the familiar double beep and whoosh of the motion sensored autopsy door sliding open. A look inside revealed Dr. Mallard and Jimmy Palmer leaning casually over one of the cold, metal autopsy tables, conversing about the dead body laying there.

Dr. Mallard turned at the sound of the doors. "Oh, Jethro! Good morning. Did we get a case?"

Gibbs shook his head. "No Duck, just thought I'd come down and see how you two were making out."

Ducky gave him a look that did not buy his excuse. "Mr. Palmer and I were just going over this John Doe again to see if our friend was keeping any secrets from us. But alas, I believe he has told us all he can."

Gibbs nodded. Ducky was always talking about his patients as if they were still alive and conversed with them like they could tell him what had happened. It was not unusual anymore. There was silence for several moments while Gibbs and Ducky regarded each other and Jimmy looked back and forth between them.

Finally Ducky turned to Jimmy. "Uh, Mr. Palmer..."

It took Jimmy a second but then he understood. "Of course Doctor, privacy. I think I'll go see if Abby needs help with those tissue samples." With that he made a quick exit.

Ducky turned and leaned against the table. "What can I do for you Jethro?"

Gibbs rubbed his forehead. "Just wanted to let you know about Jenny, Duck."

Ducky nodded. "Ah. Yes I had heard. Terrible thing that happened. I should like a crack at the charlatan myself. How is she doing?"

Gibbed started pacing. "Fine. At least, that's what she says every time I ask her even though she knows I don't believe a word of it. She's acting like nothing happened Duck, trying to pretend there are no long-term consequences. But she doesn't want me to touch her, there are marks all over her from what that dirtbag did to her and she has this haunted look in her eyes, like she's constantly living in the memories."

"Ah, I see. Well, it's to be expected that she wouldn't want to dwell on the events, nor the villain who orchestrated them. Is she at home today?"

"No Duck, that's the thing. She came to work today! I told her there was no reason to rush, but she insisted. And you know Jenny, there's no talking her out of anything once she's made up her mind."

Ducky chuckled. "Yes, well, she can be rather obstinate now, can't she?"

Gibbs finished his coffee and tossed the empty cup in the garbage can. "More than you know Ducky."

Ducky regarded his friend carefully. "And how are you doing Jethro?"

"Me?" Gibbs questioned. "Fine Duck. At home I try to be gentle with her, supportive, patient. At work I'm Special Agent Gibbs unless her office door is closed. I can only do as much as she lets me."

"You mistake my meaning Jethro. I'm asking how are you doing with this whole situation."

Gibbs glared in Ducky's direction. It was definitely a dangerous thing to have a close friend who also had a Master's degree in Forensic Psychology. "Get to the point Duck."

"I'm simply saying Jethro, that you must have your own feelings about this situation. After all, she is your wife."

"Well of course I'm angry Duck! Dang it!" he slapped his hand down on the nearest table. "She's my wife! I'm supposed to be able to protect her! And even after we found her, I couldn't take a minute to be with her because that wasn't my job right then and because nobody is supposed to know that we're married!"

Ducky was content to observe as Jethro had his rant. The older man knew his friend just needed someone to listen, even if they didn't say anything at all.

"When I got home that night and saw her, all I wanted to do was hold her until everything was alright again. But I have to be so careful when I touch her. I can't kiss her right now, there is no chance of anything more than that for who knows how long and she won't let me in. How the heck am I supposed to help if she won't let me in or talk to me?"

"Jethro, you are not a very patient man. With boats yes, with people no. But this time you will have to force yourself to be patient with her. There is no rushing the healing process when someone has been through what Jennifer has. Don't push her. Talk to her, do things for her, reassure her of your affection. She needs to rebuild her trust in men, my friend, and you are just the person for that task. You know her better than any of us do."

Gibbs sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I know Duck. But I'm just so angry at what happened to her. I think I'll hit the shooting range for awhile." He placed a hand on Ducky's shoulder. "Thanks Ducky."

"Anytime Jethro. You always know where to find me."

Jimmy Palmer walked into the lab and was greeted by loud death metal music and the sight of their resident forensic scientist Goth in a white and black blouse, high black boots and a plaid mini skirt with chains criss-crossing the sides.

"Hey Abby," he smiled.

"Jimmy!" Abby spun around and gave him one of her patented 'Abby hugs'. "What are you doing up here? Don't tell me you and Ducky ran out of bodies?"

"Well, we only have one mystery right now. Did you finish with those tissue samples we sent up earlier from the John Doe?"

Abby gave him a look. "Jimmy, don't you know that I would've called you if I found something? I don't just keep discoveries to myself." She raised an eyebrow, "Are you that bored that you came up a whole flight of stairs to ask about tissue samples?"

"Well, uh," he laughed awkwardly, "Dr. Mallard and Agent Gibbs are in Autopsy right now and umm, they needed a moment alone, so I thought I'd come and say hi."

"What is Gibbs doing in Autopsy if you have no new bodies?" Abby demanded, hands on her hips.

"Um, I think it might have something to do with the director. You see -"

But Abby cut him off, holding up one hand. "Hold on a minute Palmer, you mean the director is here today?"

"I'm not, I'm not sure, to be honest. I left before they said much."

"Uhhh, Palmer!" Abby complained, "Didn't you ever eavesdrop as a kid? That's how you learn all that useful information your parents will never tell you." Jimmy opened his mouth to speak but Abby made the motion for silence. "Uh-uh. Zip it. I'm going to get my information from a more reliable source."

Jimmy stood in the center of the lab, feeling both forgotten and unnecessary, while Abby picked up her cell phone and dialed a number.

"DiNozzo."

"Tony?"

"Hey Abs, what's up?"

"Don't you 'hey Abs' me like there's nothing unusual about today. Is the director here or not?"

"Umm, yeah Abby, she got in, I don't know, maybe 45 minutes ago. Why?"

"Why? Why didn't you call me? I have to go see how she's doing! I have a present here for her and everything. Thanks Tony, I'll be right up."

She hung up before Tony got to say goodbye and spun around to look at Jimmy. "You, out. Back to Autopsy Jimster. I am on a mission."

"Abby, please don't send me back, not yet. Not while Agent Gibbs is still there. He is...he scares me."

Abby looked at him wide-eyed. "Palmer! How can you say that about Gibbs? He is not scary, he's just...intense. He probably hasn't had enough coffee yet this morning. Go on, leave. I have to go!"

"Abby, what am I supposed to do if they're still in there?"

She shook her pigtails, running out of patience for the nervous assistant. "I don't know Jimmy. Pace in the hallway or something. Gotta go!"

Abby grabbed a small box off her desk and headed for the elevator, leaving a very unsure medical examiner's assistant to take the stairs.


	12. Chapter 12

Jenny looked up when she heard a gentle knock on her door. "Come in."

The door cracked open and two black pigtails peeked in, followed by the rest of Abby. "Hi, Director Sheppard."

_And so it begins_, Jenny thought. "Good morning Abby. What can I do for you?"

Abby came all the way into the room and put on a smile. "It's not what you can do for me, Director, it's what I can do for you." She plunked the box she was carrying on the coffee table and proceeded to pull several items out of it. "These are for you." The forensic scientist handed Jenny a single black rose and placed a black, gun shaped object on the desk. "It's my taser, the one Cynthia gave me when Michael was, you know, stalking me. It worked well for me so I thought you could use it to keep the creeps away."

Jenny smiled indulgently. "That was very thoughtful of you Abby, thank you."

"Oh, and this," Abby added, bringing one hand out from behind her back. It was a black teddy bear, with sequins spelling out the message 'We Love Director Sheppard'. She handed it to Jenny. "I think everybody needs a teddy bear. I mean, we can't all have Bert." She grinned at the thought of her faithful, flatulent hippo back on her desk in the lab.

"I'll keep him in a place of honour Abby," Jenny said, setting the bear on the corner of the desk. There were a few moment of awkward silence while Abby shifted back and forth. "Anything else?" she asked the girl.

"Umm..." Abby started. Then she just ran around Jenny's desk and wrapped her in a tight hug. "I'm glad you're okay Director." And she ran out of the room.

Jenny sat back in her chair in mild shock for a minute before shaking her head and smiling. After all these years she should be used to Abby's way of doing things, but some things were still surprising._ And I guess if they weren't, she wouldn't be Abby_, the director mused, looking back down at the file she was reading.

She'd only gotten through a couple more pages before her phone rang. _So much for getting actual work done today_, she sighed, reaching for the receiver. "Director Sheppard."

"Director, it's Cynthia. Dr. Mallard is here and wondered if you might have a moment to speak with him."

_Ducky_, Jenny thought, _I'm surprised Abby beat him up here_. "Of course Cynthia, send him in."

She stood up to greet him. "Ducky, how are you?"

"Ah Director," he said, leaning over to kiss her cheek, "what a pleasure to see you. But I believe that is my question. How are you doing?"

Jenny led Dr. Mallard to the couch on the other side of her office and sat beside him. "I'm fine Ducky, honest. You don't have to worry."

"My dear, fine is a very deceptive word."

_I clearly need to be a better liar_, the thought flitted across Jenny's mind. "Did Jethro send you up here to check on me Ducky?"

The medical examiner looked surprised. "Of course not. But even if he had, I would've still wanted to see you for myself. We are old friends you and I."

"We are Ducky and it was very sweet of you to come and see me. But it's really not necessary to be concerned."

Ducky looked Jenny over with a critical eye. She squirmed, wondering how much of an evaluation he could do of her without saying a word. He placed a hand over hers. "Have you had your psychological evaluation yet?"

Jenny tried to keep her shudder from being visible. "It's scheduled for this afternoon Dr. Mallard."

"Good." Ducky nodded. "I'm sure it's not something you're looking forward to Jennifer, but I promise you it will help."

"On that point we must disagree Doctor, but I will survive it, anyways."

Jenny stood and Ducky took that hint. His time with her was over. "Remember Director, you can always come and talk to me anytime, about anything."

She smiled at him. "I'll remember that Ducky, thank you."

"Or, you could just talk to that husband of yours. I'm sure he cares for you far more than the rest of us could. A husband's love is not to be taken lightly."

Jenny shook her head at him. "I'll see you later Ducky."

"Good day, Director," the good doctor said on his way out the door.

Jenny closed her office door and seriously considered locking herself in. Still an hour and a half until her conference in MTAC but she almost wished it was sooner. That was still plenty of time for visitors to come barging in, trying to make her feel better. _I'm fine!_ She argued silently. But she knew they would all worry more if they couldn't see her, so it was just better to get it over with today and hope that by tomorrow they would forget she was a curiosity. Thinking of what she'd told her husband earlier, she smiled. _But I suppose it is nice to know that so many people care_. She sat down again at her desk and attempted to finish at least one report before the next visitor came knocking.

Ziva slammed her pencil down on her desk. "How long does it take to go for coffee? He has been gone for over an hour!"

Tony looked up, not in the mood to be his normal self. "Gibbs does not need your permission to be absent from the bullpen for more than five minutes at a time, Officer David. Nor do we need his supervision to do our paperwork."

"Maybe there's a really long line up," McGee put in from across the room, attention off his computer screen for the first time that morning.

"Can it Probie!" Tony said, annoyed, aiming a balled up piece of paper at McGee's head.

"Hey!" McGee protested, with no response.

"That is it!" Ziva jumped to her feet. "I am going to see her."

"See who?" McGee asked.

Ziva rolled her eyes at him. "Director Sheppard, of course! Who else would I be wanting to see, McGee?" Leaning down as she passed Tony's desk, she whispered. "If Gibbs gets back before I do and you tell him where I am, I will castrate you with a rubber band and a sewing needle."

Tony's expression fell and he unconsciously pressed his legs closer together. "I'll tell him you're in the little girl's room."

Ziva glared at him and headed for the stairs. A minute later she slipped silently into Jenny's office. Well, except for the click.

Jenny looked up from the same report, she was one page from the end. _So close..._ "Ziva."

"Jen."

"I see you've been taking lessons from Special Agent Gibbs. He seems to think knocking is a formality that can be overlooked."

"I am sorry Jen. I did not want to be seen by your assistant."

Jenny frowned. "Why? Don't tell me you're afraid of Cynthia."

"No. But if I had been seen, it would mean that my skills are slipping." She grinned. "They are not."

Jenny smiled. "After my first two visitors I was almost expecting one from you Ziva. See?" she spread out her arms, "All in one piece."

Ziva nodded. She stood, hands behind her back and feet slightly apart. Always ready for action, even at rest. "Just because your body is not broken Jen, does not mean that you are alright."

"Ziva," Jenny began but she was interrupted.

"I have seen what this kind of trauma does to women. It was not your fault, Jen."

Jenny was silent, feeling all her defenses stripped away under Ziva's dark eyed stare. It was almost as bad as having Gibbs look at her like that.

Ziva took a step forward and placed her hands on the edge of Jenny's desk. "I am your friend, Jen. I want you to know that if you need to talk, I am here."

Jenny recovered and nodded once. "Thank you Ziva. I appreciate your concern."

Hearing the unspoken dismissal Ziva stepped back and turned to leave, glancing back once over her shoulder. "Good to have you back Director."

Tony was the last of the team members to make his way up to Jenny's office. He sat at his desk, tapping his fingers and moving restlessly while he waited for Ziva to emerge from the silver door. He was so focused that he nearly jumped out of his skin when a voice behind him said, "I don't know what you're waiting for Tony, she won't bite your finger off."

"It's 'head' Ziva, 'she won't bite your head off'. And I told you to stop doing that! I'm going to have a heart attack and die, right here on the floor."

Ziva smirked. "You would do it just for the sympathy. I'm sure that skinny blonde in Reception would come rushing to your aid, compelled to practice CPW."

"CPR," Tony muttered.

"So what are you waiting for Tony?" Ziva asked, settling back into chair.

"I'm waiting...for you and Probie to finish your stinking reports so I can hand deliver them to the director's office, that's what."

Ziva raised her eyebrows. "I had my report finished before I went upstairs."

"Finished mine twenty minutes ago," McGee's voice added from the corner.

Tony shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "Thank you Probie, for that stunning display of support. And when were you going to make your way up to our lovely director's office?"

McGee looked up, embarrassment and fear written all over his face. "Umm...I-I wasn't planning on it. She probably needs a few days to adjust to being back." He turned his attention back to his computer screen and steadfastly ignored the looks from the other side of the squad room.

"Fine, I'll take the reports," Tony groused. "But...you've got my back, right?"

Ziva grinned maliciously. "Yes Tony. If she shoots you, I promise to come to your rescue."

"Comforting, thanks Zee-vah!" Tony gathered the pile of reports and with great trepidation, headed for the stairs.

When he reached the director's outer office, Tony peeked inside. Cynthia was not in sight. _Probably just getting coffee_, he thought, _or hiding_. He winced, wondering what kind of mood the director had to be in for her assistant to jump ship. Cautiously, he knocked on the door, balancing his stack of reports.

"Enter," came the directors voice.

_Okay DiNozzo, it's now or never_, he told himself and taking a deep breath, he stepped inside.

"Agent DiNozzo," Jenny greeted, "I see you come bearing presents." She eyed the folders he was holding, raising her eyebrows in disbelief. "A whole pile of finished reports from your team, and before 1000? I'm impressed! Is it my birthday?"

Tony was taken aback, not expecting her humour. "Uh...no. No Ma'am." He laid the folders on her desk and nodded. "The reports."

Jenny was finding Tony's junior high behaviour rather amusing. "I don't bite you know."

Tony rubbed his hands together nervously. "Uh..yeah. Ziva mentioned that. Look, Jenny," he didn't use her first name very often, but when he did it was serious, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry." He shook his head. "We should've...protected you better, followed leads faster. I wish, I wish we could've stopped this." He studied his feet for a moment and then locked eyes with her. "I'm sorry Director."

Jenny swallowed, not expecting to get emotional but touched by everyone's concern, even if she wished it was less conspicuous. "Thank you Agent DiNozzo, I'm just grateful the team was able to find me."

Tony nodded. "Yes Ma'am. But it was Gibbs. Not being able to find you just wasn't an option." He gave a short laugh. "Director," he said and let himself out.

When he had gone, Jenny took off her glasses and left them laying on her desk. This was not what she had expected when she walked into work this morning. She appreciated the effort everyone was making, but she was almost drowning in their care. It was overwhelming. She couldn't afford to get sentimental. She had a job to do. Breaking down in her office and crying twenty minutes before she was due in MTAC simply wasn't an option. _But maybe I wish it was_, Jenny thought, before swallowing hard and pushing everything else to the background as she continued playing director.


	13. Chapter 13

At precisely 0950, Jenny heard a knock on her door and Cynthia peeked her head in. "Director? It's almost time."

"Thank you Cynthia." Jenny brushed and hand down her outfit to smooth out any wrinkles and took a deep breath. Showtime.

The rest of Jenny's morning and early afternoon passed swiftly. First there was the hour long conference in MTAC. Then her security detail escorted her to a nearby, upscale restaurant where she met with the commander to talk about the mission and smiled in all the right places. Then she only just returned from lunch when the phone rang, SecNav was on hold for her. Grateful to be busy but starting to feel a bit frazzled, Jenny reached for the phone.

"Mr. Secretary."

It was 1500 when Gibbs and the team made it back to the navy yard. It had been a long several hours. A Petty Officer Third Class had drowned in the training pool at Quantico's military base and as of yet there was no good reason why. It being a military base with plenty of enlisted men that had worked with or knew the deceased, they'd spent most of their time going back and forth to different interviews. Ducky was now in charge of solving their main mystery. Why did a young man, known to his buddies as "Fish" for his love of and skill in the water, suddenly drown while swimming laps during his morning workout? Abby had her hands full of blood, tissue and water samples, not to mention DNA of all those that had been in the general area of the pool that morning.

McGee settled down at his desk to run financials and check into Petty Officer Jason Durington's past. Tony and Ziva picked up their phones to get in touch with contacts and speak with family members and friends. Gibbs barely broke a stride and headed for the director's office.

"Where you going Boss?" Tony asked, forgetting it was none of his business.

"I'm going to give the director a SitRep on the case if that's okay with you Agent DiNozzo."

"Oh yeah, that's fine Boss, great idea."

"Yeah, well, she was a little testy this morning. Best to stay on her good side."

"Really?" Tony looked confused. "She seemed in a very pleasant mood when I was up there..." he trailed off as the Gibbs stare was aimed full force at him from three feet away. "Not that I was checking up on the director or anything boss. No, no. I was just..."

THWACK! Gibbs hand connected with the back of Tony's head.

"Got it Boss, none of my business." Tony winced and Ziva gave him a look that said he should've known better.

When Gibbs entered the director's office despite Cynthia's protests, he was surprised to see Jenny sitting at her desk, leaning over, her head resting on her arms as if she were sleeping. He closed the door and flipped the lock.

"Jen?" He called her name before he approached her. There was a gun in the drawer beside her and she could throw the letter opener on her desk almost as well as Ziva. One did not startle the director of an armed federal agency.

Gibbs walked over and ran his hand down her hair and rubbed her back a couple of times. She shifted, rolling her head to look at him with one eye.

"Hey, what's up?"

"Oh Jethro," she groaned. "I just got off the phone with SecNav." Gibbs chuckled. "Yeah, not exactly my idea of a relaxing conversation. And I have another appointment in less than thirty minutes and my body isn't cooperating with me. You would think I didn't sleep at all last night."

Gibbs decided not to mention that he'd noticed she hadn't slept much at all last night. She'd tossed and turned all night, gotten up several times to get a glass of water or use the bathroom and often just lay on her side of the bed, away from him, staring at the ceiling. She was so oblivious to anything around her that she hadn't even noticed him watching.

He rubbed her back some more, seeing as she hadn't acted like that bothered her. Jenny groaned, though because she was tired or because it felt good he couldn't tell.

"Jethro," her voice was soft, "I hate to ask, but could you just massage my neck and shoulders a little? Everything feels so tight and knotted."

Glad for some way to help, glad to be able to touch her, Gibbs readily complied. He smiled as he gently dug his fingers into her tense muscles. This is what he loved about her locked office door. He could just come in and spend a little time with his wife, away from everyone else's eyes where they didn't have to pretend.

Jenny rolled her neck in pleasure. Jethro had the touch and she'd often been the lucky recipient of his skills. After several minutes she sat up.

"Thank you Jethro."

"Better?" he asked.

She found a smile for him. "Much."

He leaned up against her desk, handing her the coffee he'd come in with. "Mine, but you can share."

"Mmm...caffeine. Just what I needed." Lunch hadn't sat very well, what little of it she'd eaten. Better to stick with the liquid energy for now.

"So," he crossed his arms, "what's your next appointment? I hope it doesn't take you too far from the office. It would be nice if you could leave at a decent time your first day back."

Jenny cringed, feeling her muscles tighten up again. "Actually Jethro, it's not an appointment as the director, not formally."

He frowned. "What is it?"

She rolled her eyes. "My mandatory psyche eval, can't wait."

Gibbs took her hand and kissed it. "Probably not such a bad idea Jen."

Jenny took her hand back and stood up. "It's not like I killed someone Jethro, nobody tried to murder me. It was just a really, really bad two days." She turned her back to him.

He came up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders, feeling the way she tensed. He turned her to look at him. "Jenny, you've got to stop pretending like it didn't happen. The psyche eval isn't a punishment, it's supposed to help." Gibbs brushed her hair back from her face. "Talking about it might do you some good."

Jenny fought the urge to give him a good shove away from her. Why didn't he get it? Why didn't anyone get it? "Good, Jethro? To talk through every detail, to go through it all over again...it'll be like dreaming it and not being able to wake up." She looked up at him, feeling the low grade headache that had been there all morning making a full return. "Can the director of NCIS refuse a psyche eval?"

Gibbs looked at her evenly. "Only if she wants to make a major career shift into the unemployed sector."

Jenny forced a laugh. "Oh, is that all?" Pressing her hands to her forehead, Jenny braved a request. "It's been a really rough couple of hours Jethro, and it's about to be another rough hour plus..."

Before she finished her sentence, she could feel him moving closer. His voice whispered in her ear, "Permission to hug?"

Jenny nodded, drawing her arms around his neck, feeling his strong embrace encompass her and take the weight she couldn't bear by herself. "Oh Jethro, you don't have to ask."

They stood that way several minutes, lost in each other's arms. It was so comforting, so normal and Jenny desperately needed normal right now. Finally she leaned back. "Thank you Jethro."

He gave her a half-smile. "Anytime Jen."

She looked at her watch regretfully. "You better get back Mister, this is one long SitRep." She laughed. "And you didn't even tell me about your case. I can only imagine the gossip going on in the bullpen."

He reached up to brush her cheek. "Aw, a little suspense is good for them. But if they're not all working when I get down there I'm gonna headslap the lot of them into tomorrow."

"Bully," Jen grinned at him.

"I'll tell you about the case tonight. Good luck Jen," he said, just before he left. As much as he knew the psyche eval was for Jen's own good, he couldn't help feeling uneasy. Would it really help her to talk about what happened? Or would bringing it up just make it worse when she was trying so hard to keep it hidden? His wife was a jigsaw puzzle right now and he'd barely started working on the corner pieces. There was a lot of stuff in the middle where he was still completely in the dark. Maybe they would talk tonight after work and she could shed a little light for him on what she was really thinking.

Jenny watched her husband leave, feeling bereft. She looked around her office and her eyes settled on her desk. Silly as it was she had the incredible urge to take that black bear from Abby with her to her shrink appointment_. I wonder what that would look like? _she mused. _The director of NCIS walking around with a stuffed bear?_ She reached out and felt the bear's fur. Or maybe she'd just take it home with her tonight. If Jethro was on a case, he was probably going to be late, she might even be asleep before he made it. Too bad, another hug probably would be really nice after her appointment.

The director went around and started packing up everything she'd been working on today, planning to take some paperwork home for a middle of the night insomnia cure if she couldn't sleep. She used to do it all the time before she and Jethro married. After that, staying up late with paperwork held absolutely no appeal.

As she got ready for her appointment, she could just feel her stress level rising. She hated the thought of discussing those events with a stranger, yet who else could she talk to? She couldn't bring herself to tell Jethro the details, it was too awful. What he imagined was awful enough, some things no husband should hear. And certainly not Ducky, though he was sweet to offer. It would be too embarrassing, like telling her grandfather. She shook her head, no, not him. And Abby was too young and positive to be burdened with the evil men can do. Besides, there was more of a respect for her position as director there, as there was with Tony and McGee, than there was an actual friendship.

Ziva was the closest thing Jenny had to a best friend, but the need to talk to someone made her feel weak and she couldn't bear the have the Mossad officer judge her for her weakness. There just wasn't anybody left. Who knows? Maybe this psychologist was about to become her new best friend. Either that, or her greatest enemy. The next hour would tell. Sighing, she gathered her purse and headed for the elevator.


	14. Chapter 14

Jenny stood outside Dr. Renway's office on Level 2 of the building, trying to stop her hands from shaking. Every time she closed her eyes there was a flash and she was back in that dark, concrete bunker, struggling to get free as the ropes rubbed the skin from her wrists. Or she strained to see into the thick darkness, ears alert for any sound that might tell her where the man was and when he might be coming back.

For a second Jenny saw her vision narrowing, as if she were looking through a tunnel and the blackness tried to take over. She leaned against the wall and drew a deep breath, trying desperately not to pass out. That would just not be a good start to the session. After several slow, deep breaths, Jenny's vision returned to normal but her hands were still shaking and her heart was racing. _Whose bright idea was this anyways? Oh well, it was now or never_, Jenny thought, finally reaching for the door and turning the knob.

A young woman at the front desk looked up and smiled. "Director Sheppard, right on time. Go on in, Dr. Renway is expecting you."

Jenny put on her director face and headed for the door the young woman had indicated. Knocking out of courtesy, she waited.

"Come in," a woman's voice called.

Jenny entered the small room, surprised to find that it looked more like someone's living room that what she had envisioned a psychiatrist's office might look like. A slender woman Jenny's height with thick, dark hair half pulled back in a clip, deep ocean blue eyes, and a bright smiled stood to greet her.

"Director Sheppard, welcome. I'm Dr. Renway, but please, call me Kristyn. And may I call you Jennifer?"

Jenny took Kristyn's offered hand, amazed to feel immediately drawn to the woman she'd been prepared to hate. "It's Jenny actually." the only people who ever called her Jennifer were Ducky and her father, when he was still alive.

"Have a seat," Kristyn indicated an overstuffed chair and a dark blue loveseat sized couch. Jenny chose the couch. Kristyn sat across from Jenny in an oddly shaped chair. She smiled. "Now, contrary to popular opinion, a psychiatric evaluation is not nearly as scary as it sounds, nor is it a punishment. But it is very important," Kristyn's eyes were serious, "hence the word mandatory." The therapist regarded Jenny carefully. "Something we learn rather quickly in my profession is how to read people. You didn't want to come here today, did you?"

Jenny had the idea that lying to a shrink would get her as far as lying to her husband - nowhere. "I can think of other places I'd rather be," she admitted. "I just don't think it's necessary. Honestly, I'm fine."

Kristyn had a knowing look on her face. "Jenny, fine is a word rarely used in the right context or with the proper meaning. The more fine you say you are, the more of a mess you truly are. So tell me, on a scale of one to ten, how scared are you to talk about what happened?"

"It just, makes me nervous," Jenny hedged. "It's an uncomfortable topic."

"Jenny," Kristyn lowered her voice, "your hands are shaking and you're not making eye contact with me. You're not just nervous, you're terrified. Now give me a number."

Jenny studied the material of her suit jacked intensely for several moments. "About an eight and a half," she finally muttered.

"That's good," Kristyn reassured. "Believe it or not, sometimes the hardest part is just admitting to yourself that you're scared and there's nothing wrong with that." Dr. Renway's chair was on rollers and she scooted it closer, putting her hand on Jenny's. "Look at me Jenny."

Jenny raised her eyes to meet the doctor's. She held onto the compassion she saw there like a drowning woman.

Kristyn's voice was soothing and she said the next words slowly, pronouncing each one clearly and firmly, like an undeniable truth. "This was not your fault. Nothing that happened was your fault. This was a violent crime committed against you. You have nothing to feel guilty about, no reason to be ashamed. I want you to remember and hold onto one thing in the next few day, because things are going to get worse before you see the light at the end of the tunnel. The one thing is this: you are a survivor, Jenny. You don't' have to let what happened affect you for the rest of your life. The trauma doesn't have to define you, but the label survivor? That should."

She paused to let what she'd said sink in and waited for Jenny to nod, acknowledging that she heard, if not quite believed, the words.

Then the psychiatrist shifted gears a little. "Jenny, I have here the transcript from Agent Gibbs interview with the suspect. It gives me a lot of insight into what happened but I'm going to need you to take me through everything that you remember, from the moment he grabbed you in the parking lot until you were rescued."

Jenny leaned forward and covered her face with her hands.

This was the worst part, the doctor knew. But getting her to talk about it, making her actually say the words out loud, was going to be a huge part of her healing. Burying the event and pretending nothing ever happened was a critical mistake someone in this situation often made. If they did, it would haunt them and cause major life issues for countless years after the actual experience was over. Dr. Renway was trying to spare Jenny that damage.

"I don't...I don't want to remember," Jenny whispered in a broken voice, the sound muffled by her hands. She looked up at Kristyn, "But I can't forget either."

"Tell me Jenny," Kristyn encouraged, her heart breaking at the pain she saw in the other woman's eyes.


	15. Chapter 15

So, slowly, haltingly, Jenny began recounting her nightmare. The instant panic from the moment he grabbed her, waking up in a pitch black room and realizing with horror that she was both restrained and completely naked. Hearing a voice out of the darkness tell her what she had to look forward to, that she was his now and they were going to have a good time.

The pauses in-between Jenny's thoughts got longer as she told Kristyn in a very empty voice about the first time he attacked her, remembered the bruises and forceful slaps she got for struggling. How she was forced to kiss him when she wanted to kill him. The sickening feel of his hands on her body. She thought of the tears she could not stop and the screams that no one else could hear. Then there was all the seconds in-between the first attack and the last. Hungry and thirsty, her lips cracked for lack of moisture and her body was always sore. Jenny had never know it could hurt so much.

Closing her eyes, Jenny felt again how humiliated she had been when he dressed her like a doll, untying one hand and then the other, but giving her no way to fight back and laughing when she tried. Being hog-tied and shoved in the other room, wondering how long it would be until she died. And then her shock at discovering that she was not his only victim. She thought of how she'd lain there on that bed and wished she believed in God, because He might've saved her and maybe she would be meeting Him soon. Uncomfortable and still helpless, she'd counted seconds for over an hour before there was a commotion, loud voices and yelling. And then the door to the room had burst open and she'd cried in relief when she saw the faces of her deliverers.

Tony had cut her ropes while Ziva released the other women. Then the sight of Special Agent Gibbs dragging the man away in handcuffs as he leered at her, and asking how long it had been. McGee was the one who answered. "Forty hours Director. You were missing for almost two days."

There was silence in the small room after that, except the sound of pen on paper as Kristyn rapidly jotted notes. Finally she set her pad aside and eyed the trembling woman in front of her. "Jenny, that was very brave what you did, remembering it all and I want to thank you for honouring me with your trust. What you went through, it's a lot. I wish I could tell you that everything is going to be just fine now. But I'm going to be very honest, because I want you to know what to expect." She put her hand on Jenny's shoulder. "Things will get better, I promise. But it won't be this week and it probably won't be this month. The next couple of days will be hard because now that you've remembered and gone through it again, you will dream about it."

Jenny tensed. The dream, the nightmare from the first night, had been bad enough and now there would be more? _This psyche eval was supposed to help...how again?_ she wondered.

Kristyn continued. "There is no deadline to be over something like this. This is a recovery and there is a process so please, don't feel like you have to push it. One of the most important things right now is to have people around who can support you and help you get through this. Do you have people in your life that will be willing to help?"

Jenny bit her lip, debating. Finally she made the decision and nodded. "My husband."

"Oh," Kristyn looked surprised, "you're married? I didn't realize. Is Sheppard your married name?"

"No, I keep my maiden name for work. And I'd appreciate your discretion, we're not really announcing that we're married."

"Of course," Kristyn nodded, scribbling a few more notes. "Now, this is a good thing because you already have that built in support. But in some ways being married can make this whole process more complicated."

"Yeah," Jenny laughed sadly, "I'm already figuring that out."

"More about that in a minute," the psychiatrist declared. "Okay, it's been two days since you were rescued. How have you been doing?"

Jenny spread her hands innocently. "I don't suppose 'fine' is the answer you're looking for?"

Kristyn shook her head. "Not quite. Tell me about your days and nights. Have you been sleeping, eating, having nightmares? Do you find yourself nervous or tense all the time? Are you angry, afraid, suffering from headaches or nausea?"

Jenny hated how clinical the assessment sounded, like all of a sudden her life could be boiled down to a few check marks on the right people of paper and fixed with a description. But she supposed they were fair questions.

"I'm sleeping alright I guess, but I'm tired all the time. I have a constant, mild headache behind my eyes. A few nightmares, well, actually only one that I can remember, but it feels like they're lurking in the dark, waiting for me whenever I fall asleep. "She made a face. "I haven't been eating much since I got back, my stomach is always unsettled."

Jenny rubbed her eyes, feeling suddenly like all the energy had been sucked from her body and she might fall asleep right there.

"I get tense whenever I think about those two days and I'm nervous half the time when Jethro touches me." She shook her head. "And I've been trying to fight with my poor husband every time he tires to help. But other than that, I'm just great, thanks."

Kristyn noted Jenny's sarcasm and didn't blame her. "Have you and your husband talked at all about what happened?"

Jenny shrugged her shoulders. "A little, my first night back. He's been great though, very patient and gentle with me. And he did the interrogation, so he probably learned more than he wanted to know."

Kristyn nodded, still taking notes on her pad of paper. She could hear the hope in Jenny's voice that maybe it wouldn't be necessary to tell her husband the details because of what he already knew. "I probably don't have to tell you this Jenny, but for now the last thing you're going to feel like is being intimate in any way with your husband. In fact, I'm going to advice that you do not even try to resume your physical relationship with your husband until you can talk to him about your experience." She raised an eyebrow in Jenny's direction. "Have the two of you talked about being intimate or tried anything yet?"

Jenny felt her face heat. That information was no one's business but hers and Jethro's. "Umm...no. I doubt he's even thinking about it right now. He's being very careful with me but I can sense his frustration and his hurt when I don't want to be touched."

"Touching is one thing that may take you awhile to be comfortable with again Jenny," Kristyn cautioned. "As a couple you should make time for that, for you to touch each other. None of the intimate areas of course, just normal touching. Fine out what your triggers are, what does he do that makes you flashback? But don't feel like you need to be okay with anything you don't feel comfortable doing, even though you know he wants to be close to you."

Kristyn glanced at the clock. "Our time is up for today Jenny, but I'm going to recommend you for regular therapy sessions twice a week for the first month and once a week after that. Also, I think it would be helpful if you and your husband could come in for some shared therapy sessions. Rape is something both partners need to heal from." She wrote down what she'd said and gave the paper to Jenny. "I'll call your office tomorrow and we can set up those additional sessions and we can also talk about today's session once I've gone over it again."

Kristyn stood, so Jenny did as well, feeling the end a bit abrupt when she'd just spilled her guts to this woman, but she was also anxious to be out of the room. Jenny offered her hand. "Thank you Kristyn."

The woman smiled. "You don't feel it yet, but you will later. Trust me." She rested her hand on Jenny's arm. "We'll get you through this Jenny. Just take it slow."

Jenny nodded and walked out of the office. As she made her way back to her floor, Jenny felt vulnerable, like all her armour had been stripped away and everyone could see right through her. She avoided eye contact and didn't feel safe until she stepped foot into her outer office.

"Director," Cynthia looked up from her paperwork. "How did it go?"

Jenny's smile was anything but sincere. "It was very draining Cynthia. In fact," she made the decision on the spot, "I think I'm done for the day. I'm going to head home. Could you please find out where Special Agent Gibbs is Cynthia? Then page my security detail and ask them to meet me here in ten minutes."

"Of course Ma'am."


	16. Chapter 16

Down in the squadroom, Tim McGee's phone began to ring.

"Special Agent McGee," he answered, still preoccupied by the search he was running on their dead Petty Officer's life. As Abby would say, something felt hinky.

"Hello Agent McGee, this is Cynthia from the director's office. Is Special Agent Gibbs there?"

McGee's eyes flickered over to his boss's desk. "I'm sorry, he's not. I believe he was just called down to Autopsy and the lab. Can I take a message?"

"No thank you Agent McGee, the director just wanted to know where he was. Thank you."

"Bye," Tim said, feeling a little confused. He hoped Gibbs hadn't ticked off the director again, especially not after what she'd gone through last week.

"What ya got for me Abs?" Gibbs asked, walking into the lab with a Caf-Pow! in hand.

"Gibbs!" Abby threw her arms around him for a quick hug. "How's the director?"

Gibbs sighed. "I've been gone all day Abs."

"Well, I just wanted to see how she was. I mean, she seemed fine when I went up this morning, a little quiet maybe, but fine. But you know, facial expressions can hide a lot. Maybe she's breaking down on the inside and just really, really good at hiding it -"

"Abs!" Gibbs interrupted, handing her the drink. "Focus."

"Right." Abby closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Focusing. Okay, Petty Officer Jason Durington. Twenty-three, about your height, really cute. Or at least," Abby sighed disappointedly, "he was. But that's not what you wanted to know. Umm...I tested all the samples you brought me against everything I got from Ducky. No matches. But there was something curious in the results from his tox screen." She clicked a couple keys on her computer and pulled up the sample. "See this Gibbs?" She pointed to the tallest spike. "That is curious."

Gibbs peered closely at the screen. "Well, what is it?"

Abby spun around to face him. "I have no idea. And it's bugging me. So I'm having Major Mass Spec analyze it. When his mission is complete, I should be able to tell you everything you want to know about whatever it is."

_Good work_, Gibbs signed, turning to go.

"Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs!" Abby called and he turned around. _Thank-you for the Caf-Pow!_ she signed back.

Gibbs smiled and headed for the elevator.

"Boss, the director's office called. She was looking for you," McGee announced the minutes Gibbs set foot back in the bullpen.

Gibbs turned and looked up at the catwalk, trying to determine whether or not 'looking for you' was to be interpreted as 'come and see me'. He sighed for the team's benefit.

"Better go see what she wants. She signs the paychecks."

He was just about to barge into the director's office again when Cynthia stopped him. "She's not there Special Agent Gibbs."

Gibbs whirled around and fixed Cynthia with a stare. Cynthia didn't like him very much but neither was she easily intimidated by him. "What? Then where is she?"

She smiled. "I said she's not there. She's gone home for the day."

Gibbs turned on his heel and headed for the elevator, hand already on his cell, when Cynthia called for him again. "Agent Gibbs." He turned back around to see her waving a slip of yellow paper. "She left a message for you."

He strode over and grabbed the paper. "Thanks." And then he was gone again, leaving Cynthia to shake her head and wonder about him yet again.

Gibbs took the elevator downstairs to buy time to read the note without being watched by the other members of his team.

_Jethro, very tired, decided to go home. I'll be at my place, see you when you're done for the day. And yes, my security detail promised not to budge until you show up. Love, Jenny._

Gibbs sighed and folded the note back up, tucking it into his pocket. There was a whole lot more to this than what she'd written. Jen never just went home early because she was tired. Yes, this was extenuating circumstances, but still unusual. He glanced at his watch. Just after 1700. The case wasn't going anywhere until Ducky finished the autopsy and Abby's babies started spitting out information that they could use. Might just be a good time to call it a day. Not just because he wished she hadn't left without him, but he really didn't want to be that far away from her right now. Call it overprotective, but she's his wife.

When the elevator reached the first floor, Gibbs punched the button for the fifth. Finally back where he'd started, Gibbs made his announcement to the team. He went to his desk and grabbed his gun and his coat. Assuming that Abby found something, they all reached for their bags. Gibbs looked up.

"What are you doing?"

Tony and Ziva looked at him. "Waiting to be told to 'gear up'?"

"Nah," Gibbs shook his head. "Chase leads tomorrow. We can't do anymore until we hear from Ducky and Abby. Let's call it day." He glanced at their stunned faces and almost smiled. "But back here at 0700. If you are even five seconds late, I don't want to see you."

Then he headed for the elevator and was gone.

The team stood there, mouths hanging open.

"Do you think he is...sick?" Ziva ventured.

"No, no way." Tony shook his head. "Germs are afraid to attack the boss. It would be like Chuck Norris getting a cold. It simply doesn't happen."

McGee was finding the turn of events to be disturbing as well. "Gibbs never leaves at five o'clock. I don't think I've ever heard him say 'call it a day'. Is that even a phrase in Gibbs vocabulary?"

Tony had the solution. "Let's go see Abby. If something was off with Gibbs, she would've noticed."

Several elevator dings later, the group spilled out of the elevator and entered Abby's sanctuary. She turned around. "Hey guys." Then she did a double take. "Wait, all of you? And where's Gibbs? What's going on?"

They all started talking at once but they weren't making any sense. FWEET! Abby's whistle pierced the air. "Hold it. Stop. One at a time. McGee," she pointed a finger at his chest and glared at him. "Where is Gibbs?"

"Well, he ah...he went home."

"Home. Home. Are you serious?" Abby's eyes were wide. "Gibbs doesn't go home. Not before ten o'clock most nights but even those are rare." She fixed her eyes on Tony. "Why did he go home?"

"That's just it Abbs, we have no idea."

"What do you mean? Didn't he say anything?"

"Yes," Ziva added, "he said to call it a morning."

"Day," all three of them corrected at once.

Ziva flapped her hand in the air. "Whatever."

"Wow," Abby sat back in her chair. "This must be serious."

"That's why we're here Abby," Tony finally got to the point. "He was down here, right? You talked to him. Was he acting weird?"

Abby shook her head. "No. He was just his normal, lovable, Gibbs self."

Tony and Ziva exchanged glances. Only Abby could call Gibbs lovable, mean it and get away with it.

"But..." Abby added, "come to think of it, he was acting a little strange at lunch yesterday. He was all spacy and ignoring me, though I know he wasn't doing it on purpose." She snapped her fingers as if the light came on. "I bet this has something to do with the director."

"The director?" Ziva raised her eyebrows. "What do Gibbs and the director have to do with one another?"

"Don't you get it?" Abby was getting excited. "Gibbs is probably concerned about the director. He probably went over to her house to see how she's doing. Oh," she clasped her hands together, "that's so romantic."

The rest of the team was pretty sure Abby had gone off her proverbial rocker, but Tony still thought the idea was at least worthy of consideration.

"Come on," he grinned, "we all know the director and Gibbs had a thing going on when they were partners back in Paris. Those feelings probably don't die, right?" He held up his hand. "I vote for a little covert spying mission, who's with me?"

McGee shook his head. "Not me. I don't want to be within five hundred miles of you when Gibbs catches you."

Tony shot McGee a disgusted look. "Who says we're gonna get caught, McScaredy-Pants?"

McGee gave the senior field agent a knowing look. "Because he's Gibbs, remember Tony? He knows everything. Even the things we're thinking."

There was an eerie silence in the lab while the four of them remembered moments when Gibbs did seem to have super secret mind reading powers.

Ziva finally shook her head. "As much as your plan intrigues me Tony, I do not want to get fired. Plus, if you are out all night spying, you won't be at work on time and then you might be fired."

Tony made a face at Ziva. "Fine then, party pooper. Well, not every night I'm off at five. I'm outta here folks!" And he headed for the elevator without a backwards glance.

Ziva rolled her eyes at her partner's back. "I suppose I shall be leaving as well. Goodnight Abby, McGee."

"Bye Ziva," they chorused.

Abby pinned McGee to the spot with her eyes. "No way you're deserting me too McGee." She pushed a button on her remote and instantly the doors to the lab were locked and sealed.

"Great. So now what?" he grumbled.

"Don't look so down McGee. Look on the bright side, you get to spend time with me!"

"Well couldn't we at least do something fun?" Tim braved asking.

Abby was not amused. "Evidence is fun McGee! And we're going to have this all ready and waiting for Gibbs when he gets in tomorrow. Now, help me figure out our mystery substance."

McGee sighed and turned to the computers. There was just no arguing with Abby.


	17. Chapter 17

Jenny sat at her kitchen table, back in comfy clothes, with her hair in a ponytail. One foot was pulled up to rest on the chair as she solemnly regarded the piece of toast in front of her. She knew she should eat, knew that two days without food and two and a half more days with barely any was a bad thing. But she didn't want to just eat and have it come back up. Throwing up would make an already not great day exponentially worse.

Before she had firmly made a decision one way or the other about her toast, she heard a key in the lock. Jenny turned her eyes to the oven, checking the time. Her eyebrows raised. Five-thirty and Jethro was home? It couldn't be anyone else. He was the only other person with a key to her house. She stood up when he came in and met him in the entry way, alarm in her eyes.

"Jethro? What's wrong?"

Gibbs lips twisted in a half-grin. "What? For once I come home at a decent hour and all of a sudden something's wrong?"

Jenny stepped closer and put her hands on her husband's chest, feeling his arms come around her waist. "I know you Jethro. You don't come home at five-thirty ever, especially on a day when you have an active investigation."

Gibbs looked at Jenny with love in his eyes. "I got back to the bullpen this afternoon only to discover that my wife was missing." He tucked an escaped piece of hair behind her ear. "I wish you hadn't left without me Jen."

Jenny raised her hands to his face. "Silly man. I thought you trusted my security detail Jethro."

"Ah, they're alright I guess. But I like me guarding you better."

He followed her back into the kitchen and eyed the lone slice of toast. "Supper Jen?"

She shrugged. "Maybe. My stomach isn't sure yet."

Gibbs looked his wife up and down. He was worried about her. She was skinny enough already, but if she kept this not eating act up, he was afraid she might get sick. He shook his head at her and opened the fridge.

"Let's see if we can't find something slightly more appetizing than toast."

Unfortunately, her fridge had about as many meal supplies as his. Still, he managed to find some leftover turkey from something Noemi had made and proceeded to make them each a sandwich. Settling down at the table with his place and sliding the other one across to Jenny, Gibbs took a bite and closed his eyes.

"Mmm. Best meal I've had all day." He opened his eyes and watched as Jenny picked up half of her sandwich and barely nibbled at it. "So, how did your shrink appointment go?"

Jenny let the sandwich fall back to her place, any appetite she might've had suddenly gone. Gibbs narrowed his eyes, wondering if she knew her body language was like reading a book.

She massaged her forehead slowly. "It was...awful," she admitted, keeping her eyes closed. "Kristyn, Dr. Renway, was nice enough, but..." she felt his hand curl around hers and opened her eyes, suddenly afraid she might cry. She shook her head. "I didn't want to talk about it Jethro but she made me go through it all again. Now," jenny looked behind her and through the doors, feeling something lurking, "I'm scared again. I don't feel safe, not even here. I don't want to dream about it again. Once was enough."

Gibbs rubbed his thumb back and forth across her hand. "What was the worst part Jenny?"

Jenny's eyes widened. "The whole thing was the worst part, everything that happened Jethro."

"No," Gibbs shook his head. "The whole thing was awful, I know. I can't and don't want to imagine what you went through. But when you think back, what makes you feel the worst about it?"

Jenny nodded slowly, understanding. "I think...how helpless I felt. That way I was tied, Jethro," she lifted troubled eyes to his, "it didn't matter what I did or how I struggled," she ran her fingers over the angry red on her wrists absently, "I couldn't get free. I had no way to defend myself, no way to stop it."

Gibbs raised her hand to his lips and kissed it gently, wishing he could remove the reason for the two small tears that escaped while she talked. "Thank you," he whispered.

Jen looked up. "For what?"

"For talking to me," he said simply.

Jenny's heart melted. "Jethro," she said softly, standing up for a hug.

Gibbs stood there and held her close, his hand cupping the back of her head. There was no rush. He knew the comfort that a hug could give. He would've gladly stood there all night if she wanted. When she drew back, he smiled at her.

"Come with me."

He led her into her sitting room, full of comfortable furniture and bright paintings. Flipping a switch on the wall, he set the gas fireplace ablaze. Gibbs picked the long, three seater couch and they both sat down, her at one end and him at the other.

"I was thinking," he said, trying to learn how to announce his attentions before touching her in any way, "that after a long, crappy day at work in those crazy high heels you wear," they exchanged a smile, "a foot rub might feel good."

Jenny's face lit in surprise and she nodded slowly, that teasing smile that he loved working it's way across her mouth. Gently, he picked up first one foot and then the other, until they were both resting in his lap. He took his time, pulling off her socks and running his hand across her foot and up her ankle, being careful of the bruised skin there.

Gibbs watched as Jenny closed her eyes and leaned back against the cushions. He was glad to see her relax. He started with her heel and worked his way up to the ball of her foot, brushing his fingers against the ticklish skin of her arch.

Jenny opened one eye to glare at him. "Jethro," she said in warning, "don't forget that I know where you're ticklish."

Gibbs smile grew. "Is that a challenge Jen?"

She closed her eyes again, considering. Finally she opened them. "No," she said wistfully, "not this time." They often got in tickle fights that included chasing each other all over the house, getting caught, getting away and finally collapsing somewhere soft and trying to get their breath back from laughing so hard. The problem was she was still sore all over and not up for the making out that usually came after those tickle fights.

Gibbs knew what she was thinking. He loved her, a lot, and so far every part of being married was great. Even the fights weren't so bad, because there was no storming off to separate houses and letting those feelings fester. Instead, they had to eventually work things out because they still shared the same bed at night. And making up, well, that was always the best part.

These last few days had been a whirlwind of activity and a roller coaster of emotions. From the second he stepped foot back in the garage and saw that her car was still there, he'd known something was wrong. Immediately he was on the phone, getting McGee to track her cell phone and check the security tapes. But the tapes weren't clear enough and had to go to Abby and Jen's cell signal had died off when the trace was only partially complete.

He knew why Jen hadn't slept for those forty hours, but he hadn't either. He spent half the time beating himself up for not taking better care of her and the other half chewing out his team for not getting results fast enough. Gibbs couldn't begin to describe his relief when they found her, knowing that after forty hours they were almost assuredly looking for a body. And after only seven months with her, Gibbs was not ready for that.

The next few days, the next week, the next couple months were not going to be easy. He had to fight with himself not to push her to be more comfortable with his touch, not to demand that she spill details about what that creep did to her, not to force her to face up to what had happened. He could so easily lose her by doing or saying the wrong thing. She didn't need an agent right now, she needed her husband and he was darned if he was going to fail on this, his most important mission.

So he would wait. He would let her lead, let her decide what was okay for them right now. He would hold her, comfort her, protect her and wait some more for the day when they could get back to being them. He didn't want her to spend forever living in the shadows.

Finished now with her feet, Gibbs slid Jenny's socks back on, knowing she was cold. Suddenly he had an idea. He wasn't really all about spontaneity, but once in awhile it happened.

"Hey," he said softly, causing his resting wife to open her eyes again. "You want to go out for ice cream, Jen?"

Jenny looked up at the clock, expecting to find it after ten, surprised that it was still not quite seven pm. "Ice cream? And who was it lecturing me about dessert yesterday?"

Gibbs held up his hands, innocent. "Lecture? What lecture? I was just commenting on an observation."

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Sure you were." She loved this man. Folding her hands, she studied him, seriously considering his offer. "Okay," she smiled. "Let's go." If it was dark she would've had more reservations about going outside. As it was, the sun was only just getting to the point of setting.

They headed for the entryway and grabbed their coats, then Gibbs pointed the car towards Georgetown and their favourite little ice cream emporium. Half an hour later the two of them got in line, holding hands and looking like any other normal couple out on a Friday night. When it was their turn, Gibbs looked at Jenny to decide first. Her eyes skimmed over the selection.

"Rainbow sherbert please."

"Of course Ma'am," the attendant said. "And for you, Sir?

Gibbs considered trying something different, but there was no point. "Double chocolate."

"Right away."

As they waited for their order to be filled, Jenny leaned back into him. "Chocolate? Really Jethro? They have twenty flavours of ice cream and you choose chocolate?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Creature of habit."

"Thank you," Jenny said as they received their dishes and spoons. "Yes, you are. Which makes ordering for you at a restaurant relatively simple but makes it a hundred times harder to shop for your birthday because you always use the same things and you only listen to five songs. Did you know," she turned and smiled at him, "that they have put out a few new ones since the last time you bought a record?"

They took a seat at a corner table. "Ahh, I like the old stuff Jen. No need to switch it up." He looked into her eyes, "I've got everything I want right here."

Jenny smiled just for him. "One of the other reasons it's so hard to stay mad at you Jethro. You can be the most stubborn, pain in the butt sometimes, but then you also say the sweetest things that make me want to stay in your arms forever."

He quirked an eyebrow at her. "Planning on going somewhere Jen?"

She leaned forward and pecked him on the cheek. "Never."


	18. Chapter 18

Gibbs groaned and slapped at the offending alarm clock. 0600, whose idea was that? He rolled over and saw Jenny, curled up and hugging one of the extra pillows as she slept. He brushed a hand down her shoulder, surprised when she jumped and immediately moved to see what was happening.

"Hey," he whispered, "sorry. Didn't mean to startle you."

Jenny lay back down, her heart racing. "It's fine," she said, trying to calm down. She hadn't been dreaming but the memories were there just the same, haunting her. Asleep or awake, it didn't seem to matter anymore.

Gibbs propped his head up and leaned on one elbow. "I hate to bring it up but that thing," he pointed to her alarm clock., "insists that it's time to get up."

Jenny rolled over and hugged the pillow again. "Not going to work today."

"You're what?" Gibbs raised his eyebrows.

Jenny turned to face him and sighed. "I'm staying home today. I don't have the energy to pretend everything is fine right now."

Whoa, this was serious. Gibbs wasn't even sure what to do. He hesitantly ventured an offer. "Do you...want me to stay?"

She gave him a knowing look. "You have a case."

"Yeah." He conceded the point.

"And if you don't show up for work your team will launch a search and rescue mission. McGee's trace on your phone will show that it's at my place. How do you plan on explaining that one?"

"Emergency security detail?"

She shook her head. "It would never work. Go. I'll be fine."

"Yeah," Gibbs groused, feeling disgruntled as he got out of bed. "You keep saying that Jen. But you're the one staying home from work. Any other time I'd have to tie you up to keep you from going to the office."

_Any other time I'd have to tie you up...tie you up...tie you up. _Jenny heard the words but it was like the world faded away and she was transported to another time. A cold, dark room. Ropes on her wrists and ankles. A leering voice out of the shadows. She could feel his hands and she knew what was coming...

"No!" Jen screamed.

Gibbs, in the bathroom brushing his teeth, heard her scream and reached for his gun, only to find he was still wearing his pyjamas. He ran to the bathroom door, scoping out the room for a threat. When he saw nothing, he slowly walked towards the bed, where Jenny lay with her hands in front of her face, shaking.

"Jen?" he asked. She didn't move, didn't acknowledge him. Gibbs wasn't even sure if she'd heard him.

"Jen!" he raised his voice and noticed a reaction in her body language, though she still didn't open her eyes.

"JENNY!" he used his Marine voice, not wanting to scare her but wanting to snap her out of it. Because wherever she was right now, it was scaring him.

He knew he'd broken the spell when she started to cry. Deep, heart-wrenching sobs that almost brought tears to his eyes. He perched gingerly on the edge of the bed and started running his hand down her hair. She jerked at first, and then she just curled up tighter and kept crying.

"Jenny," he said after several moments, "look at me sweetheart, please."

Jenny finally ran out of tears for the moment and stopped crying. She took a deep breath and the shaking stopped. Wiping away the wetness on her face, she opened her eyes to see two beautiful blue eyes, staring into hers with concern. She looked around. She wasn't entirely sure what had just happened.

"Jen," he said her name again and she got the impression this wasn't the first time. "Honey, what happened?"

She struggled to sit up, shaking her head to see if the fog would clear. "I think," she began, "I think it was something you said."

A light went on in Gibbs eyes. "A flashback. Is that what it was Jenny?" Looking unsure, she nodded. He should've figured. Traumatic event, repressed memories, coupled with the stress from yesterday...he wondered if the PTSD he knew of from the military was similar to that experienced by rape victims.

He moved to hold her but she put her hands up, keeping him away. She shook her head. "I'm okay. I just, think I need to sleep a little more. Can you hand me my phone please Jethro? I need to leave a message for Cynthia."

Feeling confused, Gibbs handed Jenny the phone and went back into the bathroom. The phone call was short and then he heard the sounds of her settling down in bed again. He couldn't stop the pain that pierced his heart when she wouldn't let him help. He couldn't let her keep that up, even if she thought that's what she needed. If she distanced herself now, when they were still finding their way back, it would be that much harder to fight for the lost ground later.

Getting dressed, Gibbs sincerely hoped that Abby and Ducky had found things that would help their investigation. He seriously needed a good reason to wrap this case up and get back home to be with his wife. When he went to the bed to kiss Jenny's cheek before he left, she pulled away, so he just brushed his hand over her cheek.

"Bye Jen." She didn't respond.

Gibbs got off the elevator at precisely 0659, carrying an extra large black coffee. He was going to need it today. The whole team was already there, everyone at their desks and apparently working. He smiled to himself. His threats were usually pretty effective. But that was because they knew his rule: The secret of a good bluff is not to bluff. Gibbs didn't give idle threats.

"DiNozzo, SitRep."

Tony jumped, wondering for the Nth time how Gibbs managed to just appear like that. "Morning Boss. Ducky would like to see you in Autopsy. I have his report here. According to his notes, he is 'puzzled.'"

Ziva stood up to take her turn. "And Abby called the moment we got off the elevator - I'm pretty sure she has the bullpen bugged, I will sweep for devices later - and said she found something very interesting and not to come without a Caf-Pow!"

Gibbs stood up and started walking. Then he turned back. "McGee."

"Yes Boss."

Gibbs eyed him. "What do you have?"

"Uh, well, for starters, Petty Officer Jason Durington's name hasn't always been Jason Durington. He was born in 1987 as James Duncan. He legally changed his name when he was seventeen to escape a juvenile record for...involuntary manslaughter. The victim's name was Robert Hamstead. It seems that James...er...Jason and a buddy were out late one night, had a bit too much to drink and decided to race a friend of their's the wrong way down a one way street. Robert Hamstead was coming the other way and there was a collision. Mr. Hamstead died on the way to the hospital. He was survived only by his daughter, Rachelle Stern. He and his wife were divorced, daughter kept the wife's maiden name. And guess where Rachelle is these days?"

"Quantico Navy Base," the answer was obvious. "Good work McGee."

"Well Boss, I helped him with some of that background, you know..." Tony trailed off as Gibbs walked away and glared at McGee. "Thanks for sharing the credit there, McGreedy. Aren't you just the teacher's favourite pet?"

"Tony," McGee informed him, "you pushed a couple buttons on the clicker. Technically that doesn't classify as helping and therefore doesn't qualify you to share the credit."

"Nah, nah, nah," Tony mocked.

Ziva flicked a paper clip at him. "Oh, stop being such a wet sheet Tony."

"Blanket," came the automatic correction. "Gosh Ziva, it's been over two years. Get your freaking English right already."

Ziva's glare was as sharp as her knife. "Watch your back Tony," she warned. "I have killed men for less."

By Tuesday at noon, the team had their current case signed, sealed, and almost ready to be delivered in report form to the director's desk for a final review. The mystery substance that Abby had finally identified had tracked back to Petty Officer Rachelle Stern who used it to poison Jason Durington for the death of her father. When they'd ended up on the same base and she recognized him, she hadn't been able to quell her desire for revenge.

It took Gibbs all of ten minutes to get a confession and that was only because she'd sat there for the first five and refused to even look at him. Rachelle was arrested for the murder of Petty Officer Jason Durington and the case was closed. Gibbs decided to take advantage of the timely case closing to go home and check on Jenny. He grabbed the few things he carried with him and his coat and headed out.

"Coffee run Boss?" Tony asked, only partially absorbed by the report he was writing.

"Nope. Done for the day." Without even looking Gibbs knew their mouths were hanging open. Okay, so he'd have to stop being quite so obvious about leaving. But right now all he cared about was going home. He turned around and pointed at them. "You three are sentenced to the bullpen until further notice or until all your backlogged reports are written, signed, filed and ready to be presented to," he aimed his gaze at the director's door, "her Highness. She's been riding me for those reports for a month." They continued to stare at him. "Not a suggestion! Do it!"

Grabbing what was left of his fourth cup of coffee, Gibbs headed for the elevator.


	19. Chapter 19

"You know what?" Tony declared as soon as the boss was gone. "I think we've all entered," he mimicked the creepy voice, "the Twilight Zone."

Ziva shot him an annoyed glance. "The what?"

"Old TV series Ziva," McGee spoke up.

"Thank you McNerd," Tony grinned gleefully. "Starring Rod Sterling as the Narrator. The series ran from 1959 to 1964 and was quite possibly the greatest science fiction television show of it's time."

"Stop!" Ziva held up her hand before he could continue. "I do not want to hear any more of your stupid TV or movie references. I want to finish my reports and go home."

At that moment Abby burst into the room but stopped short at the sight of one empty desk. "Where's Gibbs?" she demanded.

"Gibbs has gone home for the day Abby," Ziva said calmly, without breaking the flow of her writing.

"Home? Okay, someone had seriously got to tell me what's going on!"

"Abby, maybe he just needs a break," McGee tried to help.

Abby slapped the back of his head, her eyes boring into his. "Gibbs does not take breaks!"

Tony looked over, noticing how distressed she was. "Hey, Abbs, what's going on?"

Abby slumped into Gibbs chair. "I think I'm losing my touch. Gibbs only came down once today and he was barely listening. He forgot my Caf-Pow!, I didn't get a kiss. Am I not cute anymore?"

Tony stood up and walked over to where Abby sat. "Abby, you are most definitely still cute. There's got to be something else going on."

"Well hello everybody!" came Dr. Mallard's cheerful voice. "My my, what do we have here? A team meeting perhaps?"

Abby jumped up and ran to Ducky for a hug. "Gibbs has gone home again Ducky, that's twice in the same week!"

"He has been acting strange," Ziva added, paperwork forgotten for the moment.

"Yeah, ever since the director was rescued," Tony put in.

Ducky sat in the chair Abby had vacated. "Oh dear."

Ziva looked at him. "Do you know what is going on Ducky?"

The older man nodded slowly. "I may have an idea, my dears, but I'm afraid I'm not at liberty to divulge what that reason may be just yet."

"Aww Ducky," Abby pleaded, "you're not just going to leave us hanging, are you?"

"For the time being all we can do is wait and see what happens. Well, I must being going. Cheerio!" he called as he headed for the nearest elevator.

"Now that was strange," Tony said, feeling like the world just didn't quite make sense anymore.

"Yeah," McGee agreed. "First Gibbs and now Ducky."

"Something is definitely going on," Ziva said what they were all thinking.

But what? And how to find out without getting headslapped or fired? Perhaps only time would tell for this mystery.

Gibbs picked up the annoying cell phone ringing on the seat beside him as he whizzed through traffic with his normal lack of caution. "Yeah, Gibbs." If it was another case, he was calling in sick and putting DiNozzo in charge.

"Hello Jethro."

"Duck," he sighed. "Calling to check up on me?"

"Well, your team is worried about you Jethro. You have to admit, leaving early twice in two days is unusual, especially for you. Is something wrong?"

"Really can't talk right now Duck, gotta get home."

"Do I presume Jennifer is the reason for your rush?"

"Presume away Dr. Mallard." Gibbs was too busy thinking about Jenny to have a proper conversation.

"How is she Jethro?"

"This morning - a wreck. I didn't want to leave her alone but I had that case to finish and she didn't seem to want me around."

Ducky sighed. "Jethro, I understand your frustration, but you really must be patient with our Jennifer."

"Nope, not 'ours' right now Duck. Mine."

"Granted, she is your wife." There was a pause. "Might I give you some advice Jethro?"

"Sounds like you're going to anyways."

"Women that have gone through the kind of trauma the director suffered are bound to react in many different ways to it, ways which won't make any sense to your or I."

"Can you elaborate on that Ducky? Nothing is making sense right now."

"Jennifer has been damaged by this ordeal. She is emotionally bruised and feeling overwhelmingly vulnerable. What happened to her was degrading and her self-esteem has taken a real hit. And though she has no reason to, she feels guilty and ashamed."

"Are you breaking doctor-patient confidentiality by giving me my wife's psychological profile Dr. Mallard?"

"Since the profile I did on her was a very basic one given the few minutes I was allowed to speak with her, and that I did it without being asked, no, there is no breach in what I'm telling you."

Gibbs sighed. "I'd want to know anyways. What else?"

"Well Jethro, these things are on a case by case basis. So much of what she's going through even she won't fully understand. Is she suffering from flashbacks?"

"You could say that."

"Nightmares?"

"Only one that I can think of but that doesn't mean there haven't been more."

"Any change in her habits?"

"I can't touch her without permission and a warning. And she's not eating."

"Ah. Believe it or not Jethro, those things are all normal. Everything that happened to Jennifer was so out of her control. I shouldn't be surprised to see her trying to take back that control in any way she can. Either by deciding things like going back to work or what she eats and when you are allowed to be close to her."

"That doesn't make it any less frustrating Duck."

"I know Jethro," the doctor sighed. "But I'm afraid everything will just take time. There's a few things I want you to keep in mind though.

"What's that Ducky?" he was almost to Jenny's street and anxious to get off the phone.

"Be patient with her Jethro. Try not to startle her. Remember that she isn't rejecting you specifically when she doesn't welcome your touches, she's rejecting what she's afraid of. There is going to be a lot of inconsistency as she fights to get her life back. She may be okay with holding hands one day and the next day she won't even want you near her."

"That's not exactly encouraging," Gibbs sighed, thinking this road they were on might be a lot longer than he'd originally thought.

"Yes, but this isn't about you right now Jethro. Jennifer is hurting and she needs your support. Take things slow, talk to her, don't get angry when she doesn't want to open up or can't stand being touched. Help her rebuild her trust again with gifts, words and acts of service. Help her with things around the house that you wouldn't normally do. And most of all, let her know that she has your unconditional love and support, no matter how long her healing takes."

"I've been trying that."

"Keep at it my friend, in the long run I guarantee the results will be well worth your efforts. Oh and Jethro, be prepared to deal with a lot of different emotions. Jennifer may get angry when there's no cause to or cry at the drop of a hat and not even know why she is doing so. Her mind is trying to purge the memories and her body will be reacting to that process in many different ways."

"Thanks Duck. I'll se what I can do. Gotta go."

"Good luck Jethro."

_We're going to need it_, Gibbs thought heavily. He parked the car and headed into the house to check on his wife.


	20. Chapter 20

Gibbs forced himself to calm down as he stood in front of the door. If Jenny was asleep, the last thing he wanted was to disturb her. Sliding his key in the lock, Gibbs let himself into Jenny's house. Slipping out of his shoes, he headed upstairs, draping his jacket over the bannister as he went. Stopping outside of their bedroom door, Gibbs stopped and listened for sounds.

Hearing the shower running, Gibbs stepped into the room, observing the rumpled covers on the bed. There was no way to tell how much time she'd spent there after he left. He knocked on the bathroom door, hoping she could hear him above the noise of the shower.

"Jen?" he called, warning her before he stepped in. Her towels were neatly hanging on the rod beside the shower, her pyjamas lying in a puddle in the middle of the floor. "Jen?" he asked again, when he got no response. Nothing.

He stepped closer and could see by the lack of silhouette against the curtain that she wasn't actually showering. What if she slipped and hit her head? Instant panic set in and he yanked open the curtain. Jenny was sitting at the back of the bathtub, arms wrapped around her pulled up knees and head lying on her arms while the water streamed over her. Her skin was red, though whether it was from the temperature of the water or something else, Gibbs couldn't tell.

"Oh Jenny," he breathed. "What are you doing?"

She lifted her head and looked at him with empty, tormented eyes. "I can't get rid of it," she said softly, her voice broken.

Gibbs sat down on the edge of the tub, not caring about the damp mist coming off the shower spray. "Can't get rid of what Jen?" he asked softly.

Tears began to leak out of her eyes. "This...dirty feeling of him, all over me. It won't go away."

Gibbs gut clenched. It was all he could do not to see the picture she was describing for him. Another man's hands all over his wife. Hurting her, making her cry, making her scream but not in pleasure. It made him want to put his hands on her, as if his touch could cover over the marks left by another. He knew now why her skin was so red. She'd tried to scrub the feeling off of her, but it wasn't something she could see to get rid of. Just a pervasive feeling of invisible evil.

He had the feeling that Jen wasn't quite with him, like she was only partly in this world while the rest of her mind was somewhere else. Now he needed to take care of her. She was worse now than when she'd come home on Saturday. She was regressing now that she couldn't hide the truth.

"Jenny," he said her name with care, wishing to see life return to her eyes. He flipped the handle on the shower control to turn the spray off. Then he lifted her towel off the rod. "Come here Jen." He held the towel out in front of him, ready for her to step into it. He'd often been there when she got out of the shower, greeted by a kiss, getting damp as she stepped into the towel and wrapped her wet arms around his neck. He loved little moments like that. But not this time.

Jenny shook her head at him, not wanting to move and for goodness sake's not wanting to stand up in front of him while she was naked. But he insisted.

"Yes Jenny, come on. You need to get out of there."

Jenny closed her eyes. "Don't look," she whispered.

"Aw Jen," he said, feeling the request a bit silly. "Really?"

Her eyes narrowed into daggers, staring at him. "Yes really Jethro. Close your eyes."

Feeling the force of her glare, Gibbs realized this wasn't just a silly request. She was very serious.

"Fine." He closed his eyes and listened to the squeaking sounds of her standing up in the wet tub, the two steps it took for her to reach him. He felt her hesitation before she stepped out of the bathtub and wrapped the towel around herself. Gibbs sighed, hoping she'd let him help but knowing she wouldn't.

"Can I open my eyes now?"

Jenny was standing in front of the bathroom mirror, running the brush through her hair as if nothing had happened. "Yes."

He turned around and looked at her for a moment. She stared at him in the mirror until he looked away. "I'll see you downstairs."

"Who said I was coming downstairs?" Jenny muttered at his retreating back as she reached for her hair dryer.

The first thing Gibbs did when he reached the kitchen was to start the coffee maker. Jen hadn't been downstairs yet or it would already be sitting there in the warmer. Jen needed her morning coffee as badly as he did. She'd never really been a morning person, even if she did adapt well.

He changed out the filter and grinds and sat down at the table while he waited to hear the sweet sound of fresh coffee drizzling into the pot. His time with Jenny upstairs did not go as expected. Why was she turning on him now? All he was doing was trying to help. Gibbs thought back to his recent conversation with Ducky._ " Jennifer may get angry when there's no cause to or cry at the drop of a hat and not even know why she is doing so." _

He dropped his face into his hands, feeling his shoulders sag. How the heck was he supposed to be there for her and support her and help her heal when she didn't seem to want him anywhere near her? Memories of last night flooded his thoughts. The two of them holding hands at the ice cream parlour. Sitting at one of the tiny tables for two and eating their ice cream. The way she fell asleep with her head on his shoulder on the drive home.

Last night he had allowed himself to hope that maybe she was starting to be okay with him touching her again. He pounded his fist on the table once. Ducky was right, he was not a very patient man. Here it had been only three days since they'd gotten her back and he was wanting everything to be fine. Yes, he knew healing takes time, but he missed his wife. It was as simple as that. He'd never realized how much of his time with Jenny he had taken for granted. Seven months of marriage, with very little to undermine the joy they'd found together, and there were so many things he'd just gotten used to.

Being able to kiss her awake in the morning. Standing there to hold the towel for her when she got out of the shower and getting a kiss for his efforts. Brushing against her when they stood at the sink brushing their teeth. Holding her hand on the way to work. He loved that their marriage had stayed a secret this long, that they knew something no one else knew and all the rest just guessed at. They had such fun creating new reasons for him to be called up to her office without creating suspicion. They ranged from late reports, to tangles with the press, inappropriate tones of voice when he spoke to her and the ever popular, "Special Agent Gibbs!" in her director voice shouted from the catwalk. He smiled just thinking of how his team winced at the sound of that order, sure their boss was in some heap of trouble now. What they couldn't know but would pay big money to see, was that almost every time he ended up in her office for "getting in trouble", he usually got to make out with her for a bit, as a reward.

And what about after work? There were so many times they didn't have to say a word, they could share a look and know everything the other wanted to say. It was relaxing on the couch with her after a long day, hearing the comfort in shared silence as she snuggled up close to him after a particularly rough case or a day with too many stressful dealings. There were moments of them, sitting at a kitchen table at either of their houses, and teasing as they ate dinner out of yet another takeout container. It was resting his hands on her shoulders, feeling her fit into him when he held her, how her smile could go from serious to sensual in only a moment, and then she would trail her fingers up his arm and give him that look that dared him not to follow her upstairs.

But he always did. And being together in bed was one of the things they did best together. Not to mention the fun they had getting there. But now she was afraid of him, afraid of them. And it made him angry but it also made him infinitely sad. This was his Jenny, but then it wasn't. So many moments over the past couple of days he had looked at her and felt like he was looking at a stranger. Would he have to learn her all over again? Would she heal enough for things to be the way they were, or would it always be this tentative, hesitant way with them? Always afraid of doing something wrong, saying the wrong thing? He was afraid of what would happen to their love if that was all they had now.

Gibbs looked up, absently realizing that the coffee had been ready for awhile now. He got up and poured himself a cup and then one for Jenny, just in case. She always loved it when he met her outside of the bathroom door with a hot cup of coffee. But today he would wait for her to come down. And he wondered, who would she be then?

_A/N: Please, please read and review! I love each one that I get! Thank you!_


	21. Chapter 21

Jenny stood in front of the bathroom mirror, looking at her reflection, hazy through the drying steam. All of life felt like it was in a fog right now. When Jethro had come into the bathroom, she truly had been somewhere else, though if asked she would not have been able to answer because she didn't know where she'd gone. It scared her, that she could get lost in her own mind. She hadn't even recognized her own voice when she'd spoken to her husband and vaguely wondered where those rude words came from. She knew he was only trying to help.

Standing in front of her closet, Jenny struggled with what to wear. Three days and still jeans were not comfortable yet. She took her time choosing an outfit, ending up with a high necked sweater and corduroy's. They were looser in the delicate area she was trying to keep pressure off. She wished she could stay in bare feet, but already they were cold, even standing on the carpet. She stepped barefoot into slippers, instead of choosing socks. Flipping her hair over her shoulder, Jenny shut off the bedroom light and slowly took the stairs down to the first floor.

When she rounded the corner, she stopped suddenly, watching her husband as he sat at the table. In his hands he held a mug of what she assumed was coffee, but he was barely paying any attention to it. His whole posture spoke of a man who had been beaten and was trying to decide if he could get up and fight again. Her heart squeezed for a moment and she wanted so badly to care. But whatever the disconnect was, she felt like she was watching a scene from someone else's life or seeing something out of a movie as she moved into the room.

There was a full mug on the counter and she reached for it.

"Thought maybe you could use a cup," came the voice from the table.

"Oh, thanks," she said, swivelling her gaze to look at him. He looked so tired. How could she let him know that it wasn't his fault? That whatever was going on right now was something beyond her control? She didn't hate him, she didn't dislike him, she wasn't angry with him, nor in this moment was she even fearful of him. She was completely devoid of emotion but desperate to convey to him that she still cared.

Hesitantly, she reached out her hand and covered his briefly. "I'm going to look for a book to read," she said softly, carrying her coffee towards the library. Surely her touch would tell him something she couldn't. Not because she didn't want to, but because right now she simply couldn't.

Jenny was driving him crazy! Ever since she came down and got her coffee, Gibbs had been trying to figure her out. She was walking around like a zombie or a robot on autopilot. He could hear the difference in her voice, see it in the way she moved and how her eyes just looked blank with no emotion at all. She'd touched him, which surprised him, only to announce that she was going to read a book. Was it just him or did women make absolutely no sense at all?

He'd gone into the library several times in the past couple of hours to check on her. Did she want a refill? Was she hungry, could he make her something? Each of his inquiry's was answered with an absentminded, "Hmm? Oh, no thank you." Like she wasn't even aware of him. He'd stood at the door to the library and just watched her for awhile. She wasn't even reading the book she held. Her eyes would travel over a line or two, then go back to the top of the page as if she'd forgotten what she'd read and needed to start over. Then she would turn and stare at something unseen in the empty room, her gaze focused and her body still. She never noticed he was there.

Now it was coming up on dinner time and he wasn't sure if he should try to convince her to eat or leave her to her own devices. Gibbs settled for making soup, the packaged kind that could be made on the stove with a pot of water. When it reached the boiling point he removed it from the burner and turned the stove off. Pouring most of the soup into two large mugs, as he'd never been one for daintily sipping soup off a spoon, he carried the makeshift dinner into the library and set one of the mugs on the table beside Jenny, making a little noise as he did so.

Jenny jumped at the sound and he was glad to see her startled, glad to really see any reaction from her at all. "Oh Jethro," she looked from him to the mug, "what time is it?"

"Time to eat Jen," he said pointedly, making himself comfortable in a chair opposite her.

Jenny's reaction didn't last long and she was soon back to being zoned out. But Gibbs felt some small measure of satisfaction when he saw her reach for the mug and slowly sip it throughout the next half hour. At least she was getting something into her stomach.

The rest of the night was a strange time for them. Jenny pretended to be interested in reading her book and even when she was staring off into space she didn't seem to notice him. Gibbs spent some time drinking his soup and watching his wife. After awhile he grew restless and stood up to peruse the shelves of what had been Jenny's father's library. Along one of the rows Gibbs discovered an old book that had been one of his favourite when he was a young man. Smiling, as it had been years since he'd even thought about the novel, he carried to back to the chair he'd appropriated and settled in for a good long read.

Gibbs caught himself yawning and twisted his wrist to check the time. A little past eight. Jenny appeared to be dozing on the couch, the book the had been in her hand now resting, open, on the floor beside the couch. Over the last couple of hours he had made decent headway into his novel. He wasn't used to this much reading time though and he was itching to be doing something else. He wished they were at his house tonight so he could go down to the basement and spend some quality time working on his boat. He just liked working with his hands.

Setting the book aside he picked up his mug and Jenny's and took them back to the kitchen. He spent a little time washing the few dishes in the sink and then he seriously considered heading for bed. When he came into the library again to get Jen for bed, he saw that she was stretched out on the couch and no longer dozing but now deeply asleep. So now he had two options. Option one - wake her up and hope she would be in a decent mood and be able to get back to sleep upstairs in their bed. Or option two - leave her on the couch to get a good night's sleep and hope that tomorrow they would be able to talk.

It didn't take much to decide. There was a blanket draped over the back of the couch and Gibbs unfolded it and pulled it up around Jenny's shoulders. He left one lamp on in the library and left the hall light on as well. If she woke up he didn't want her to freak out because it was too dark. He lightly brushed her forehead with his lips.

"Good night Jen," he whispered, backing away when she stirred. "I love you."

Wearily he climbed the stairs to the bedroom and went through the familiar process to ready himself for bed. He stood in the shadows and looked at the bed they normally shared. It just wouldn't be the same without Jen in it. He put on pyjamas, pulled back the covers and got in. The bed was empty and cold and the mattress was somehow different. It was much better when she was on the other side to balance it out.

Gibbs sighed, thinking of his wife downstairs. There had to be something else he could do to help her. He was fast figuring out that words were not going to be enough because half the time Jenny just wasn't hearing him. What else could he do to get through to her? He mulled it over in his mind, going back through moments from the years he'd known Jenny, looking for a clue, anything that would help him get through to her.

Suddenly it hit him. Flowers! Jenny's mom, Olivia Sheppard, had a deep love of flowers when she was alive. She had spent a great deal of time teaching her young daughter all about the different types of flowers and their meanings. "Flowers are more than just bright colours and beautiful blossoms," Olivia used to say. "They can be used to tell stories and pass messages. Once you learn the language of flowers, the possibilities are endless." Jenny was twelve when her mother died but she'd never forgotten those lessons and one time in Paris, she had told Gibbs all about her mom. So maybe if words could not penetrate the fog, the language of flowers could. Tomorrow he was going to get McGee to do some research for him, on flowers.

_A/N: Hey all. I know the story is going a little bit slow right now but I promise there is a point! I never expected it to be this long when I started, but some stories just take on a life of their own and this is one such case. Please let me know what you think of the story so far! I love any and all reviews! Thanks!_


	22. Chapter 22

Jenny woke up on the library couch in the middle of the night, confused and surprised that Jethro hadn't gotten her to come to bed. At least the fog in her head was gone. She didn't really remember what she'd done that day, but the book on the floor was a good indication. Seeing another book on a chair across the room, Jenny wondered if her husband had been reading too. It would surprise her if he had been. He wasn't really one for sitting still that long.

Grateful to see a couple lights on as she was still leery of darkness, Jenny made her way upstairs again. She smiled at the picture of Jethro, sound asleep on his side of the bed. Quickly changing into pjs, Jenny brushed her teeth and crawled under the covers to join her husband, sighing in relief as her body relaxed into the soft mattress. Even in his sleep it seemed that Jethro sensed her presence somehow and reached for her. Jenny couldn't refuse him and curled up next to him, finding comfort in the arm he wrapped around her as she laid her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes to sleep.

One of the first things Jenny noticed Wednesday morning upon waking up, was that her lips were no longer sore. Finally, after four days, the cracks had healed and they were not tender to the touch. Her lips curved upward in a smile. Despite the flip-flopping of her emotions and the sometimes fog in her head that prevented her from being totally aware of her actions and the flashbacks that were almost as bad as nightmares themselves, one of the things Jenny craved was the reassurance and comfort that she had always found in her husband's kiss.

She propped herself up on one elbow and looked at her husband, still lost in sleep. A look at the clock revealed that it was still early, only just after 0600. Moving slowly so she wouldn't completely wake her husband with her changing position, Jenny placed one hand on her husbands chest and leaned over to touch her lips to his. She loved the first hint of longing that swept over her as she kissed his soft lips. It proved that healing was possible. Even if he wasn't awake to kiss her back just yet, Jenny still lingered a moment, loving the taste of him.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs was having a very nice dream. In it, Jenny was curled up beside him, her warm weight a comfort to his body. The dream got better when she leaned over to kiss him good morning. He felt like it had been years instead of merely days since she had done something that normal, and instigated contact. He hoped the alarm wasn't too close to going off, he wanted to enjoy the Jenny in his dream for just awhile longer.

Suddenly he felt movement beside him and his eyes snapped open. Leaning against his side and looking at him adoringly was his wife. He blinked a few times to make sure she wasn't still in his dream. He was sure he had left her sleeping downstairs last night, when had she come to bed? He was more tired than he thought if he didn't notice a gorgeous redhead getting into his bed.

"Good morning," she said softly.

"Morning." He rubbed his hand over his face to get rid of the sleep. Jenny hadn't moved, she was still there like she expected something. His eyes were drawn to her lips. They didn't look half-bad this morning and it was taking all his self-control not to pull her down for a kiss.

He rubbed his hand down her arm, watching her, then he finally had to ask. "Did you kiss me a moment ago or was I dreaming?"

"That depends," she smiled and he could've sworn she was flirting with him, "was it a good dream?"

"Oh, it was a very good dream," he assured her.

"Then yes," she grinned, "I did kiss you."

Gibbs debated about how far he could press his luck. The mood she was in now was a 360 degree change from last night and he didn't want her to go away again. "You know, I wasn't exactly awake for the first one. What are my chances of getting another?" If he believed in luck, he would've crossed his fingers. Instead, he held his breath and waited for her answer.

Jenny moved closer, her face hovering inches from his own. "I'd say your chances are pretty high, as long as you kiss me back this time."

"Not going to be a problem," he murmured. But before they touched, he had to ask, "Are you sure Jen? I," he faltered, "I don't want to hurt you."

"Jethro," he looked into her deep green eyes, certain he could drown in their depths, "you won't hurt me, I promise."

So, achingly slowly, he drew her down to his mouth. Their first contact in almost a week was electrifying and he had to force himself to be gentle, to keep the kiss loving but not passionate. Oh, she tasted so good! Just to be able to touch her that way was such a gift and Gibbs didn't want to push it. He pulled back, ready to smile at Jen, only to find her eyes closed and her expression pinched.

"Jen?" he asked, afraid they'd made a mistake and rushed it.

Jenny opened her eyes and looked at him, tears shining there. "It's not you Jethro," she shook her head and took a deep breath. "Oh, I hate this! I hate that these stupid memories keep ruining any time we have together when I'm not afraid to have you touch me."

Gibbs caressed her face, smoothing out the frown on her forehead. "Tell me Jen."

Jenny looked down at the bed and then up at him. She didn't want to hurt him with the things she couldn't control. "I'm afraid," she whispered. "I'm afraid to close my eyes because when I do, I see him."

"Oh Jen," Gibbs tugged her down again, "then don't." He moved in to kiss her again, this one just as gentle and loving as the last. He kept his eyes locked on hers until they touched. More than anything, Gibbs wanted to roll over to a position where his weight would keep her against the mattress and he could just kiss her for hours. After the last week, he knew he would never take her touch for granted again.

Finally Jen pulled back, the relief at his touch incredible. Granted, she was not yet ready to go any further than kissing, but just to be able to do that right now was fantastic. She looked over and laughed at the besotted look on his face.

"If you don't get your head out of the clouds Jethro, you are going to be late for work."

Gibbs shook his head, trying to clear it. "Work. Right." He eyed her. "Joining me today?"

Jenny scrunched up her face. "Maybe later. I told Cynthia to clear my schedule until Thursday, but now I'm not so sure I want to spend another full day at home." She shot him a worried glance. "How bad was last night?"

He tilted his head to one side, considering her. "What do you remember?"

"To be honest, not much. I felt like I was walking around in a fog. I think I remember you coming home but everything else is a little hazy until I woke up on the couch early this morning. Why did you leave me down there?" she questioned.

Gibbs avoided her eyes. "Seemed like a good idea at the time."

So Jenny knew that she hadn't been pleasant last night. "I'm sorry," she started, but he pinned her with a look.

"Don't apologize Jen, it's a -"

"- sign of weakness. I know the rules Jethro."

"Fine, then follow them," he said, his voice gentle and teasing.

She raised her eyebrows at him. "Did you have a particular rule in mind?"

He thought about it a moment. "Yeah. Rule 15." Then he headed for the bathroom to shower.

Jenny scrolled through the rules in her head. "Rule 15. Ah, yes. 'Always work as a team.' I'll try Jethro," she whispered. "I'll try."


	23. Chapter 23

Gibbs arrived at NCIS headquarters at 0700. By 0730 the rest of the team had straggled in and taken their places at their respective desks. At 0745 Gibbs received a phone call from Abby practically ordering him down to her lab - "Pronto!" was her exact word. Feeling in his gut that he was not going to like this conversation, Gibbs checked his email first. He was desperate for an excuse to be busy upstairs a few more minutes. When the phone rang at 0750, Gibbs was saved by a new case and rushed off with Tony, Ziva and McGee, promising himself he would take time to see Abby once they got back.

The crime scene where the body was found did not require an abundance of their time or attention once Ducky determined that it was staged and the victim killed elsewhere. Back at the office around 0900, the team started with the usual - phone calls and background checks. All of it was useless for the moment, until one of Tony's calls seemed to yield a lead.

"Yeah, I'll be right there," Tony said into his phone, scribbling the address on a pad of sticky notes. He looked up. "Boss, got the victims address, do you...?"

Gibbs nodded and waved him off. "Go. Take Ziva with you."

"David!" Tony barked, always enjoying the chance to lord his status of Senior Field Agent over any and all probationary agents on the team, "With me!"

Ziva rolled her eyes, looked at Gibbs to make sure he was serious - he was - and grabbed her backpack, following Tony to the elevator.

Gibbs turned to his last agent left. "McGee, what do you got?"

McGee looked up, trying not to stammer. "Umm, well, nothing yet Boss. Still running the victim's financials and trying to track his movements over the last two days."

Gibbs checked his watch. "I'm going for coffee."

He appeared back in the bullpen fifteen minutes later and dropped a coffee on McGee's desk. McGee was in a mild state of shock. "For me Boss?" he asked.

Gibbs gave him a you-should-know-better-than-to-ask look. "No McGee. It's for Tony. I want you to keep it warm for him."

McGee didn't bother responding to the heavy sarcasm in Gibbs voice. He continued hitting keys and working through all the information flowing across his computer screen. A minutes later, when Gibbs was still standing behind him, practically hovering, McGee dared to ask. "Boss?"

"Yeah?"

"Anything...anything I can help you with?"

Gibbs enjoyed seeing McGee out of his comfort zone. Sometimes tormenting his agents was so easy he couldn't

help but have fun with it. "As a matter of fact, I need some research done."

McGee flipped to a new tab in his browser window, fingers poised over the keys. "Okay. What am I looking for?"

"Flowers."

"Flowers?" McGee's brow crinkled into a frown, not sure he'd heard right.

"Yup, flowers." Gibbs stood there, waiting for McGee to work his magic on the computer so it would spit out the information he was looking for.

"Okaaayyy," McGee drew the word out, hoping to find a way to narrow the search without raising Gibbs ire, "any particular kind of flower Boss?"

"Meanings."

"Flower...meanings."

"You got a hearing problem McGee?" Gibbs was getting impatient. How long could it take?

"No, no sir...uh, Boss. Flower meanings, got it. It will just take a minutes here."

"Good. When you have a list, print it out and leave it on my desk in a folder. I want now McGee." He took a swig of coffee and sighed. "I have to go see Abby." Gibbs headed in the direction of the Caf-Pow! machines, then turned back. "McGee."

"Boss?"

"This stays between us."

"Got it."

When Gibbs reached the lab he smiled at the sound of Abby's loud death metal music. Same old Abby. But it wasn't the same old Abby who greeted him when he walked in her door.

"Hey Abs."

Abby had her back to him and her arms crossed, pouting to her computer screen. "Go away. I'm not talking to you right now."

Gibbs raised his eyebrows. Several possible scenarios presented themselves to him. Saying, "Okay," and turning around and leaving. But she could lock the doors with a remote and if he didn't really want to leave her angry with him. Or he could go over and hug her because with Abby a hug could fix almost every problem in her life. Or, he could use the Caf-Pow! to bribe his way back into her good graces. Right, Option C.

He shook the caffeinated beverage his forensic scientist loved so much. "I've got your Caf-Pow! Abby."

"Leave it," she said, without turning around.

Uh, oh. This was starting to sound serious. He placed the drink on her counter and moved to stand behind her. "Abby, what's wrong?"

Abby whirled around and Gibbs had to lean back to avoid getting smacked in the face by her ponytails. "What's wrong? What's wrong, Gibbs? I'll tell you what's wrong - you," she stuck her finger in his chest, "don't love me anymore. That's what's wrong!"

Gibbs was momentarily stunned. He tried to pull her into a hug but she was too angry and would have none of him trying to comfort her.

"A hug can't fix this Gibbs."

He considered her. "What will?"

After a minutes she looked up at him with the saddest expression in her dark brown eyes. "You telling me that you still love me?"

Abby was ready for a hug now, Gibbs could tell. He wrapped his arms around her and cradled her head with his hand. She returned the hug fiercely. "I could never stop loving you Abs."

Abby pulled back. "Then why are you ignoring me?"

Gibbs looked surprised. "Ignoring you? Abby, I'm right here!"

"No, that's not what I mean, Gibbs." She started pacing, hands flying in an attempt to explain. "Yesterday when you came downstairs, it was like you weren't even here. No hug, no kiss on the cheek, no good job Abs for figuring out that weird mystery substance, and no Caf-Pow!" Abby looked indignant. Then she picked up the one he'd just brought and took a long suck on the straw. "Ahh," she said, feeling better. "Although, this does help to make up for when you forgot." Then she was back on topic. "And then this morning I call you to come down. Pronto, I said. And do you know what you said?"

Gibbs rubbed the back of his neck. He'd said whatever would appease her, that much he remembered. "What?"

"Right away Abby. That's what you said. But nooo. You fiddle around with something for five minutes to give the phone time to ring and then you're off on another case! What am I supposed to think about that Gibbs?"

"Abby," he said in a tone suggesting she was slightly overreacting. "I'm sorry. Things have been a little hectic lately but I was not trying to ignore you. Promise."

"Pinky promise?" Abby asked, her smile starting to come back.

Gibbs held up his little finger and locked it with hers. "Pinky promise."

Abby backed away and crossed her arms over her white lab coat. "This is about the director, isn't it."

Gibbs sighed. How was he getting out of this one? "Abby, what could this possibly have to do with the director?"

"Oh, I don't know," Abby said, attitude evident in her voice. "Just that you've been a wreck since the director disappeared last week and ever since she came back, you've been distracted. Gibbs doesn't get distracted!" Her high pitched voice was a testament to her distress.

Gibbs opened his mouth to say something but Abby wasn't finished with him yet. "And don't even try to tell me you don't know what I'm talking about. You knew as soon as you left my lab Thursday night that something was wrong because the director's car was still here. How could you know that unless you'd been with her before you came to see me? And why would you be with her unless there's something going on between the two of you?" Abby crossed her arms, her posture demanding a straight answer from him.

Gibbs just looked at her, waiting to see if she was done yet. She wasn't. "And not only that Gibbs, but you left early, EARLY," she said the word slowly, "two days in a row. Who are you and what have you done with my boss? Oh, and on top of everything else, Ducky knows what's going on and refuses to tell any of us. Now spill mister! I want the truth. What is Abby's number one rule? You do not lie to Abby!"

She seemed to run out of words just then and Gibbs finally got a chance to speak. "Are you done, Abs?"

Abby was beginning to look just a little sheepish for the way she'd talked to him. "Umm, yeah. That's pretty much it."

"Good." Gibbs said, trying to figure out how to get out of her lab while leaving her in a good mood and his and Jenny's secret still safely in tact. His options were slim, maybe none. He looked at her closely and sighed. "Okay Abs, here's the deal. You get two questions."

"Only two?" Abby whined.

"I can make it one."

"Oh no, two is good. Two is amazing. Two is terrific!"

"Abby!" Gibbs raised his voice to get her attention. "Questions."

"Right." She took and deep breath and closed her eyes, moving her hands around above her head.

Gibbs had to smile. "Organizing your thoughts."

Abby opened her eyes for a second to smile at him. "Only you would know that Gibbs. That's why I love you. You always know me best." Finally she seemed to find what she was looking for. "Okay, first question." Wow, now that the moment was here she wasn't even sure if she had the courage to ask. _You can do it Abby!_ she told herself and took a deep breath. "Is there something going on between you and Director Sheppard?" she crossed her fingers and held her breath while she waited to see what would happen.

Gibbs shook his head. Always Abby with the direct questions that practically demanded a yes or no answer. He was going to have to get creative to get out of this one. He gave her one of his signature, side grins. "If I said yes, and I'm not saying yes Abby, but if I did, wouldn't that kind of ruin all your fun?"

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, I mean the secret meetings you all have down here that you think I don't know about where you discuss things that are none of your business and assume things you've never actually confirmed."

Abby looked down, feeling her face heat. "Oh, those," she said quietly. She knew it! Gibbs had secret powers.

"Next question?"

Abby looked up at him, biting her lip. "Can I save it?"

It was all Gibbs could do not to laugh. She looked like such a little girl right there. Reminded him of Kelly, asking for something she wasn't sure he would say yes to. He sighed. No wonder he loved this girl as if she were his own. However, giving Abby time to think and collaborate with others was not necessarily in his best interest. He left her hanging for several moments before responding. "Sure." Her face lit up and he turned to go. "Oh, Abby," he said, before he reached the door. "This," he swirled his finger in the air to indicate their conversation, "doesn't go any farther than us."

Abby pouted but nodded, knowing she'd pushed her luck with the bossman enough for one day. She watched him walk away, heard the elevator ding and knew he was heading back upstairs. Turning back to her computers she wondered once again how Gibbs could manage to get through an entire conversation with her without actually telling her anything. _Must just be one of his super powers_, she thought, taking another gulp of her favourite drink. _But sometimes it's really annoying._


	24. Chapter 24

When Gibbs got back upstairs, McGee had disappeared and there was a single folder sitting on his desk. Opening the folder, Gibbs discovered the list he'd requested. Not only did the multi-page document have a listing of every flower he had ever heard of, plus several he'd never known existed, but there were pictures right beside the names and a short explanation of what the meaning of the flower was. Perfect! The meanings were in alphabetical order and Gibbs slid his finger down to the top of the last page and found what he was looking for.

Pulling out his phone he dialed the number of Jenny's favourite flower shop.

"Hello, Just Blossoms, this is Melissa, how can I help you?"

"Hi Melissa. I would like to order something special for my wife. Does your shop deliver?"

The first phone call concluded, Gibbs called Jenny's office and asked Cynthia to patch him through to the security team stationed at Jenny's house. He heard her heavy sigh, could imagine her trying to come up with a reason why that wasn't a good idea. But then she also knew he might have valid security information to pass along and therefore she couldn't technically refuse his request.

"Of course Agent Gibbs. One moment."

"Special Agent Gregory," the clipped voice answered seconds later.

"Agent Gregory, this is Agent Gibbs."

"Jethro," the man said, always glad to hear from the former marine. Since Gibbs marriage to Jenny, he'd become familiar with all of her security personnel because he was around so much. "What can I do for you?"

"There's going to be a delivery made sometime in the next hour or so, from a flower company called Just Blossoms. Their company van is blue and the driver's name is Eddie Haskins. Please escort him to the front door and let...Director Sheppard know that he's alright."

"Affirmative. Will do sir."

"Appreciate it Greg," Gibbs said, hanging up. A smile spread over his face as he imagined his wife's reaction to his gift. He just hoped she got the message.

It was eleven o'clock in the morning and Jenny Gibbs was bored. She'd gone back to sleep for a little while after Jethro left this morning, basking in the memory of their first kiss in days. Then she'd spent a leisurely morning pampering herself with an extra long shower, a special hairstyle and a low key manicure. She'd even eaten breakfast this morning. Okay, well, it was just a piece of toast, but that was progress, right?

But now she was out of things to do and itching to get back to the office. While she knew NCIS was in perfectly capable hands with Cynthia and all of the agents that worked so hard to keep everything running smoothly, she really wanted to check on her agency and make sure.

In that moment she decided it was time to go back to work. The next half hour was a flurry of activity as she did her make up, dressed for her part as director and packed everything she needed in her briefcase. At 11:30, just before she was ready to go, the doorbell rang and Jenny froze.

She wasn't expecting any visitors, her security detail would likely call first, and Jethro would use his key. Jenny had a fleeting moment of panic, wondering if the man who had attacked her had escaped from custody and tracked her down. But she knew Gibbs would kill him before he let that man near her again. And anyhow, he wasn't as likely to knock as he was to break in.

Taking a deep breath and reaching for the gun she kept in the hall closet, Jenny headed for the door, the doorbell chimes going off once again. Looking through the peephole she saw a man in uniform and then a man she recognized.

"Agent Gregory?" she called.

"Yes Ma'am. I'm just escorting a delivery man Director, I didn't want you to worry."

Jenny quickly shoved the gun back into the closet and unlocked the door. "Delivery?"

"Yes Ma'am," the delivery man said, holding in front of him an enormous bouquet of red roses, already set in a clear glass vase.

"Oh my!" Jenny stepped back to let the man in and motioned for him to deposit his cargo on the hall table.

"If that's all, Director Sheppard," Agent Gregory said, seeing the man out.

"Hmm?" Jenny looked up. "Oh, of course. Thank you. I'll be out in a few minutes to leave for NCIS."

"Very good Ma'am." Hard as she tried, Jenny couldn't break him of the habit of politeness and respect for rank, so now she just accepted it.

When the door shut behind the agent, Jenny reached out a hand and tentatively caressed one of the fragrant blooms. Leaning down, she inhaled one of her favourite scents. Roses had been one of her mother's favourite flowers and Jenny had never minded receiving them either. They had to be from Jethro, she thought, there was no one else in her life that would do something like that. But why today, of all days? And why such a large amount of them? Not that she was complaining, but it was a little out of Gibbs' style to send her something like this.

Seeing a little card tucked in the middle, Jenny plucked it out and turned it over. There was no signature, just four little words, _The Language of Flowers_. For a moment Jenny just stared at the card and then she turned her eyes back to the bouquet as understanding dawned on her. Jethro was speaking to her through flowers, the language her mother had taught her. _He remembered_, she thought, absolutely dumfounded that a little story she'd told him over six years ago in Paris about her mom had stuck in his mind and inspired this gift.

A tear escaped and she quickly dabbed at it with a tissue, not wanting to ruin her make up. But her heart felt ready to burst at her husband's gesture. Fifty red roses meant unconditional love.

The phone and Gibbs desk rang and he picked it up automatically. "Yeah, Gibbs."

"Agent Gibbs?" it was Cynthia's voice and he was instantly on alert. "The Director would like to see you in her office."

Jenny was here? He must've been away from his desk when she arrived, surely he would've noticed her as she came in. Moving away from his desk immediately and taking the steps at a jog, Gibbs wasted no time in getting upstairs. He swept in the outer office door and brushed past Cynthia, just as she was saying, "Go right in."

He'd barely had time to close and lock the door when suddenly Jenny was in his arms, kissing him. A nice surprise and for the first couple minutes, he didn't question it. When she pulled back so they both could breathe, he gave her a teasing grin.

"Call me up here just so we could make out in your office Director?" Not that they hadn't done it a hundred times before, but still, it was fun to flirt with her.

"Are you complaining Special Agent Gibbs?"

He loved the look on Jenny's face, full of love and playfulness just now, with very few of the shadows left from last week. "Not at all Madame Director."

"Jethro," her voice was a warning and he chuckled. He knew how much she hated the title he'd coined for her on day one.

"So, what's with the welcome?" he asked, brushing back her hair. "Do I maybe guess that you liked my surprise?"

Jenny's smile grew. "I loved your surprise Jethro. The roses are amazing. I can't believe you remembered!"

"Oh, I remember a lot of things that might surprise you Jen."

The look in his eyes was not comforting and she raised her eyebrows at him. "Is that so? Sounds like I might have to drag those memories out of you one day."

"I could think of a few ways I could be persuaded," Gibbs said, before thinking.

Jenny's eyes clouded a bit. It was so fun to tease and flirt with him and pretend everything was okay, but all it took was something little to jar her memory and then she would remember why everything wasn't fine. Her smile was still in place but a little more plastic now and Gibbs didn't like the change.

"Jen," he started but she shook her head.

"I know Jethro." She looked up at him, "It's not your fault." She cleared her throat, "Anyway, I just wanted to say thank you." Jenny shuffled some papers on her desk, hoping he would take the hint and leave her alone for awhile. But he just moved closer and closer until he was definitely invading her personal space.

He leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Would a hug help Jen?"

She looked up, relieved to find understanding rather than condemnation in his eyes. "Yes," she said simply and allowed his arms to envelop her in a comforting embrace. After a few moments she could feel her body relaxing and she pulled back, a real smile gracing her lips this time. She leaned forward and gently touched his lips with hers.

"I have to go back to being Director now," she said, "but thank you Jethro." And he knew she was talking about more than just the flowers.


	25. Chapter 25

_A/N: Sorry that this chapter doesn't really have a point, it's mostly filler. I can almost promise the next one will be better. Thanks for the reviews and comments guys, I really appreciate it!_

Jenny hadn't been just making an excuse when she'd started looking through the papers on her desk. She had a pile of forms needing her signature and more than a dozen phone messages to return. It looked like she would not be without things to do this afternoon. Thumbing through the messages, she began to sort them in order of request and urgency. Her movements stopped when she saw three messages all from the same person, left over the last two days: Dr. Kristyn Renway.

The director sat back in her chair. Somehow she'd been hoping to escape anymore contact with the shrink, even with the recommendation of additional sessions, which she knew her superiors would take seriously and make mandatory if they had to. Pushing the messages aside, Jenny decided she would ignore them as long as possible. She grabbed a pen and the stack of forms and started scrawling her name on the bottom line.

"So Boss, how's the director?" Tony asked as Gibbs rounded the corner to enter the bullpen.

Gibbs, not in the mood to deal with where Tony's mind might be, got right in his senior field agent's face. "There something you want to ask me, DiNozzo?"

Tony, now scared, backed up. "Uh no. No, no. I'm good Boss." But he wasn't far enough away to escape the hand that connected with the back of his head. "Ow!" he winced, rubbing the spot. _Note to self: Boss is not in a good mood._

Gibbs sat at his desk, took a drink of coffee and pinned his agents with a stare. "What do we have?"

A couple hours later Jenny was sitting at her desk, glasses on, reading through the accumulated reports that covered her desk, when Cynthia spoke into the intercom.

"Director? Dr. Renway is here, do you have a moment to speak with her?"

Jenny's stomach tightened. She wished Cynthia had used the phone, easier to come up with a way to get out of it. Either way though, the doctor was bound to know she was stalling. Taking a deep breath, Jenny pushed the button to reply.

"Thank you Cynthia, send her in."

Jenny stood to greet the psychiatrist. "Dr. Renway."

"Kristyn, please. The formality is not necessary Jenny." She appraised the red haired woman with a critical eye. "I had hoped to hear from you by now."

Resisting the urge to cross her arms, Jenny willed herself to stay calm and professional. She was the director of NCIS and she didn't need to explain herself to anyone, least of all a shrink who had a strange idea of how to help.

"I took a personal day yesterday and today I have been absolutely swamped with paperwork." She indicated her desk.

Kristyn nodded. "I assume you got my messages?"

"I did." Jenny stopped short of fabricating an excuse about not having had time to look at them yet.

"Well," Kristyn began, not surprised that Jenny was being so reticent with her, "if you have your calendar with you, we can set up the rest of the sessions now." She tried not to leave any loopholes in the question for Jenny to crawl out of.

"Actually Dr.," Jenny wasn't feeling particularly warm and fuzzy towards the woman right now and forwent the use of her first name.

But Kristyn beat her to it. "I can go over your head if you make me Jenny," she said softly. She did not like backing people into a corner but sometimes stubbornness overcame good sense.

Jenny absorbed the words and realized there was no way out. Reaching for the day planner in her briefcase, she looked up, the feeling of weariness overtaking her again.

"What did you have in mind?"

"Let's stick with what I told you before: two sessions per week for the first month and the going to one a week after that for a minimum of two months. At the end of this month I'll do an assessment with you and that will give me a better idea of how to help."

Jenny, resigned now to what she could not change, merely nodded. "Any particular days?" she asked mechanically.

"How about alternating every week between Monday and Thursday and Tuesday and Friday. We can do the sessions at four pm on each of those days." Kristyn flipped through her calendar to check and looked up. "Does that work?"

"Done. I'll have Cynthia work it into my schedule. However, if something urgent comes up I will have to reschedule." _Or cancel_, she thought bitterly.

"Understood," Kristyn replied.

Jenny was just closing her planner, having jotted down the dates and times for her assistant, when the doctor spoke again.

"Oh, Jenny," she flipped through her notes, "I would like to do a few joint sessions with you and your husband. Say three or four? For next week we can do a joint session in place of your solo Tuesday session if you like."

"Oh," Jenny was surprised, she'd forgotten about that part. "Well, I'll have to speak with him about it."

"I strongly encourage it," Kristyn held Jenny's gaze. "It will be good for both of you."

Jenny sighed. "Put us down for now and I'll talk to him."

"Fair enough." Kristyn snapped her folder closed. "Alright then Jenny, glad we got that sorted out. I'll see you Thursday."And just like that, she was gone.

"Yeah, Thursday," Jenny echoed, falling back in her chair. She covered her face with her hands. This was going to be the longest week of her life. _I am not looking forward to this_, she thought.

Down in the bullpen Gibbs leaned back in his chair and checked his watch. 1900. It was quiet, he'd just sent his team home, figuring paperwork could wait until tomorrow. They'd done good and worked hard today. Dropping the current of several empty coffee cups in the garbage, Gibbs decided to go check on Jenny and see how her day went.

When he got upstairs he noticed the lack of an assistant sitting in the outer office. Jen was good to Cynthia. Unless there was a dire emergency, she usually went home in time for supper. Unlike the rest of them who kept odd hours, particularly his team as he insisted they stay until they solved the case.

Jenny's office door was open, the soft glow of her table lamps visible. He eased his way forward until he was even with the doorway. She hadn't noticed him yet, so for the moment he just stood and watched her work. He had always known her as a person who poured all of her skills and intensity and focus into her work. It had been true when she was an agent and it was equally true for her now, as director. There was no slacking off for Jen.

Whatever paperwork was in front of her now was absorbing Jenny completely. He normally would've expected her to realize he was there by now. He thought about it for a second, wanting to get her attention without frightening her. Gibbs thought about going out and coming back in with a little less stealth, but decided on something far simpler. He knocked softly on her open door.

"Hey Jen," he said.

Jenny looked up at him and smiled, removing her glasses, glad for a break from the mission reports. "Jethro, to what do I owe this visit?"

He lounged against the door frame and pointed at her clock. "Home time Jenny."

"What are we, in elementary school again? You know we don't go home until the work is done Jethro."

Gibbs invaded her office and placed his hand over the papers on her desk. "The work will still be there tomorrow Jenny."

Jenny wiggled her back and stretched. "Well, I guess seven o'clock is as good a time as any to leave. Are you ready?"

"Already sent my team home. The reports might be a little late though."

Jenny smiled at him. "They deserve the break I'm sure."

Gibbs plucked her coat from the stand and held it for her, making it easier for her to slip her arms into the sleeves. She flipped her hair over the back and grabbed her purse and briefcase. His hand came to rest on the small of her back and they flipped the lights off on the way out.

"Let's go home Jen."


	26. Chapter 26

Jenny hadn't realized how exhausted she was until she settled down in the front seat of Jethro's car. A sigh of relief escaped her lips and she turned to rest her head against the window, closing her eyes.

Gibbs watched her with no small degree of concern. "Geez Jen, you really have to start sleeping," he muttered, thinking she might already have dozed off.

"I heard that," she retorted, but was too tired to find a comeback.

He reached over and found her hand, holding it lightly. Jenny kept her eyes closed and thought how nice a small touch like that felt. She wondered if she was crazy for ever being afraid to have Jethro touch her but an instant later she remembered that, like nightmares, flashbacks were something that just couldn't be controlled and decided not to beat herself up about it.

It seemed like seconds later that they were pulling into the driveway, even though the driving distance between her house and NCIS had not altered, not even with the way her husband drove.

Gibbs shook Jenny's shoulder lightly. "Jen? We're home. Come on honey, you need to come inside."

Jenny really didn't want to open her eyes. Or rather, at this moment she wasn't even sure she could. They felt like maybe someone had attached weights to the lids when she hadn't been looking. It was like one of those dreams where no matter how hard she tried or how important it was, she just couldn't get her eyes open. But there was her husbands voice again, telling her she really didn't want to sleep in the car.

"Fine," she groaned, using all of her energy just to force her eyelids open. When she looked over to the driver's side she noticed Jethro had left and wondered if she really did fall asleep.

"Hey," his voice said to her right. She turned slightly and there he was, peering in the passenger door at her, the care evident in her eyes. "Let's go inside babe."

Gibbs grasped her upper arms and helped her out of the car. They walked to the house with him supporting most of her weight, one arm wrapped around her waist to keep her upright. He unlocked the door and they made it inside right before the sky let loose with a torrent of rain. The thunder soon followed. He helped Jenny off with her coat and stood in front of her.

"Jen, why don't you go lie down for a bit. You can't even keep your eyes open."

She shook her head weakly. "If I fall asleep now I won't be able to sleep tonight."

While he highly doubted that given her current state of exhaustion, he revised his suggestion. "Okay, but at least lay down and rest. Even if you don't sleep it's gotta help a bit."

After a moment of consideration in which she tried and failed to get a coherent thought through her cloudy mind, Jenny agreed and let Jethro help her upstairs. Once she was laying down, she was barely aware of what else he was doing. Slipping her arms out of her suit jacket. Removing her high heels. Covering her with one of her favourite blankets that was always folded in the closet. Just before he left the room, he pressed a soft kiss to her unresponsive lips.

"Sleep well Jenny."

If only words could make it a reality. Jenny shifted in her sleep, restless, running from the memories that dogged her attempt at rest. Hazy pictures floated through her sleep fogged mind. Stepping out of the garage. His hands grabbing her. The gag choking her attempts to scream. Bouncing around in the trunk of his car and praying that somehow Jethro would find her. Jenny struggled against the grip of slumber, desperately trying to fight her way out of the timeline. She didn't want to go any farther. She began to thrash in her bed until the sudden movement of her legs woke her up.

Jenny sat up and looked around, groggy and unsure of exactly where she was. It was her room. The familiar outline of her dresser, the closet, the open door to the bathroom. She sagged back into the pillows, running her hands over her face, trying to press the memories back into the box where she had hidden them. She was so tired. She didn't know if she'd slept for hours or days, but she knew sleep was too generous a word for it.

Swinging her legs over the side of the bed, Jenny pulled herself upright again. All of her muscles protested the movement and she realized the sudden need to use the bathroom. When she came out, Jenny decided that it was time for the work clothes to go. Exchanging her suit for pyjamas, she slid her faux silk dressing gown overtop and reached for the end of her tousled braid to release her hair from the elastic.

She combed her fingers through the red tresses, still damp from being woven together this morning. Finally she headed for the door and then realized there was a familiar smell hanging in the air. She took a deep breath. Mmm, someone was making supper. At the bottom of the stairs Jenny turned and saw a light on in the kitchen. Curious now, because her husband really wasn't one for cooking, she stopped at the kitchen door in surprise.

"Well," she smiled at her husband, "when did you suddenly get domesticated?" He was standing in front of the stove, skimming a wooden spoon through sauce and vegetables in the frying pan. She raised her eyebrows. "Stirfry Jethro? I'm impressed."

He turned around. "Hey gorgeous," he started towards her. "How did you sleep?"

Jenny felt her muscles tighten as he reached for her and she spun around out of his reach to get a glass from the cupboard, trying not to make it obvious that she was avoiding him. _Not right now_, she thought. She couldn't handle his closeness or his touch when she was this much on edge.

"Since when do you make stirfry, Jethro?" she asked, avoiding the confusion in his eyes.

He moved back to the stove and shook the bag sitting on the counter.

"Ahh," she understood. "Stirfry in a bag." She grinned. "That's cheating."

"Well, it was either that, or toast," he said, attempting to keep his voice light. She didn't want him close again. When would it be okay to just approach her at any time? The last few days had been so inconsistent, and even though Ducky had warned him about that, Gibbs' head was spinning just trying to keep track of her moods.

Jenny lifted herself up onto the counter and watched as he finished simmering their dinner. "How long was I out?"

Her husband glanced at the clock. "Not long, about an hour." He surveyed the nervous way she was twirling her hair around her finger. Gosh he loved it when she let it down, all he wanted to do was run his fingers through it and feel the silky strands against his skin. Although he would do more to feel her against his skin. He clenched his hands, trying to move his thoughts out of dangerous territory. He looked up at her again. "Are you going to tell me?"

"Tell you what?" the innocent expression she pasted on as fake as the lightness in her tone.

"What happened while you were sleeping to make you so jumpy I can't even come near you."

A curse upon men who always had to know what was wrong so they could try to fix it! He couldn't fix this. He couldn't do anything to fix it no matter how hard he tried or how much he wanted to. She hoped they were right when they said time heals all things, because she didn't know how much longer she could handle being afraid.

"It was...nothing," she said, not meeting his eyes. "Just a dream. It was just a dream," she muttered again to herself.

To her relief, Jethro left her comment alone and flipped the knob to turn the burner off, scooping the stirfry onto two plates. For the first time in days they sat down to actually eat a meal at the kitchen table. There was a glass of milk in front of each of their plates, to keep their tongues from burning with the heat of the stirfry sauce. They both liked spicy foods.

It was hard for them to have the same kind of normal supper conversation that most couples engaged in. In response to the, "How was your day?" question, it wasn't something normal like, "The boss was a jerk. Two guys in the meeting argued until the chairman had to break it up because it came to blows. The customers today just couldn't be satisfied." Instead, it was more along the lines of, "We caught a murderer. I briefed the Secretary of the Navy on our operation. The FBI tried to worm their way into our investigation. I wanted to kill two of my agents for acting so juvenile." Plus, because they worked so closely at NCIS sometimes, they didn't really even need to catch the other one up on the days activities. And so, for the moment, silence reigned in the room.


	27. Chapter 27

Gibbs wasn't good at small talk. He didn't see the need to fill the air with words when silence was fine with him. Jenny preferred conversation but she understood and knew him so well that they often let their eyes or their physical proximity do all the talking for them. Still, once in awhile it was nice to say something. He didn't like how she was just sitting there, using the silence as a shield instead of being comfortable in it.

"I got in trouble with Abby today," he began.

Jenny looked up from the food she was poking with her fork. Interest flickered in her tired eyes. "Uh oh. What happened this time?"

He chuckled. "I got accused of not loving her anymore."

Jenny's eyebrows disappeared under her bangs. "Was she serious?"

"Oh, very," Gibbs assured her. "She was 'not speaking to me' before she handed me all the evidence that supposedly had convinced her she'd lost her place at the favourite."

"Like what?" Jenny asked. "I'm sure it would take a lot to get to that point."

Gibbs nodded knowingly. "You'd be surprised Jen. This time it was that I had been distracted, only came down to see her once, forgot her Caf-Pow! yesterday, no kiss or good job Abby, and didn't appear in the lab the second she called for me this morning." He shook his head. "She was kind of like the energizer bunny."

Jenny finished it for him. "She just kept going and going and going." She laughed. "I do remember hearing that some of the people in building referred to her as 'Energizer Abby'. So," she looked back at him, ready for the rest of the story, "did you make it all better?"

Gibbs hummed and hawed about that one a minute. "Well, she knows I still love her but there's more to it than that." He rubbed the back of his neck, his signature tell that whatever came next wouldn't necessarily be good.

"What is it?" Jenny wasn't sure if she was supposed to be worried or not.

Gibbs finally just decided to spit it out. "Abby has come to the conclusion that my distraction lately is all about you."

Her eyes widened. "What did you say?" Suddenly their secret didn't seem as safe anymore. Once Abby suspected something, she didn't give up until she found the answer she was looking for. She was very determined.

His facial expression was hovering between pained and amused as he tried to explain. "That's where things get sticky. I gave her two questions."

Jenny dropped her head into her hand. "Jethro, you didn't."

"I had to do something Jen," he protested. "I didn't want to leave her mad. A mad Abby makes life just a little too stressful for the team and for me. And it gets in the way of investigations."

"And?"

"Well, apparently when I knew something was wrong because you car was still there on Thursday night, and I was, according to Abby, 'a wreck', the whole time you were missing, and because I left early two days in a row..."

"Dead giveaway," Jenny muttered.

"...Abby wanted to know if something was going on between us."

Now Jenny really wished she'd been around for that conversation. She almost winced. "Your answer?"

He grinned. "Didn't exactly answer. Kind of walked around the question and left without telling her much. But it really isn't fair to be so cagey with her and she still has one question left. She asked if she could save it."

"And you said yes?" Jenny looked distressed, knowing the amount of trouble Abby could get into when left with time to think about how to do it.

"What else was I supposed to do Jen?" Gibbs was trying to keep his frustration reigned in but it snuck into his tone.

Jenny looked up and sighed. "I guess there wasn't anything else you could've done. The whole conversation was doomed from the moment you walked into the lab."

"So," he said, interested in her reaction, "what are we going to do?"

"I don't know." Jenny shook her head. "I guess it was inevitable, that we would eventually have to tell them."

"They'll be happy for us Jen."

"Your Rule 12 will be so out the window when they find out we're married."

"That doesn't mean I still can't headslap them if I catch them doing something stupid."

She grinned, thinking about their reactions. "Can you imagine the looks on their faces?"

"We should bring a camera."

"A camera? This is practically worthy of reality TV Jethro."

"How should we do it?" he asked, wondering if she'd been thinking about it.

In reality, Jenny hadn't given it much thought, but every once in awhile it popped up on her radar. "We could just start wearing our wedding rings and see how long it takes them to notice."

Gibbs leaned back into his chair, a scheming look on his face. "Oh Jen, that is mean. But we could definitely have some fun with it. It would be more interesting than just blurting it out in an announcement. And," he said thoughtfully, "it would be a good test of their observation and investigative skills." He nodded at her. "How long do you think it would take?"

Jenny shook her head. "It all depends on the day. How much time you sit at your desk where they might notice the ring as opposed to being out at a crime scene when you're wearing gloves the whole time. It depends on how much time I'm around them, on whether Abby is consumed by the evidence or feeling playful enough to tease you about things."

"I give them two days," he crossed his arms, "after that I'll headslap the lot of them for not noticing."

"Even Abby?" Jenny grinned.

Gibbs conceded the point. "Well, maybe not Abby. I'll just cut off her Caf-Pow! supply for the day."

"A day for me," Jen said. "Ziva will notice within minutes of you arriving in the bullpen."

"I guess we'll see," Gibbs said, reaching for her half-full plate when he was sure she wasn't eating anymore. "When do we start this experiment?"

Jenny felt tired. There was too much going on right now and she wasn't sure she could keep up with everything. "Can it wait until next week? I can't even think about it right now."

Gibbs turned from the counter to face her. "Tough day?"

She sighed. "Figured out that I couldn't hide from the shrink anymore," she admitted. "Kristyn showed up in my office and practically refused to leave until she'd boxed me into several appointments in the next couple of months." She held off on mentioning the joint appointments for now. Maybe this weekend she'd be brave enough to broach the subject and see what he thought.

"I see," Gibbs said evenly, not wanting to touch that topic right now. She had not been okay after the last session. "Let me guess, not your favourite thing on the schedule?"

"Hardly." Jenny finished the rest of the milk and brought their empty glasses over to add to the sink of dirty dishes. "I should probably go get some paperwork done," she mentioned, without actually making a move to go anywhere.

"Leave it for tonight Jenny," Gibbs said, knowing it wouldn't be hard to talk her out of it.

"Tomorrow is going to be busy."

"That's what you get for disappearing for a day and a half. The world doesn't know what to do without Jenny Sheppard, NCIS director," he said sympathetically.

"Just Jenny Gibbs tonight, I think," she said softly.

"I like the sound of that," he said, his voice low. If only he could hold her, touch her, make some of the stress and fear go away. It was a heavy burden to carry and she was faltering under it's weight. "Maybe a kiss would help?"

Jenny tried to smile at the pleading note in his voice. She could not kiss him now the way she wanted to, or even the way she had earlier. She leaned up and kissed his lightly, keeping space between them. "I think sleep will help, if I can just keep from dreaming."

Gibbs held out his hand, "Maybe they'll stay away if I'm right beside you."

Jenny studied his hand and then his eyes. "Maybe you could just hold my hand while I fall asleep?"

Wishing he could hold her, Gibbs focused instead on what she needed. "Yeah Jen, I can do that."

He followed her up the stairs and watched as she took off her robe and lifted the covers, sliding between them. He lay on his side of the bed, on top of the blankets and waited until she settled in. Then he moved a little closer and she reached for his hand. Gibbs held her small, soft hand in his, rubbing his thumb very gently back and forth across the back of it. It didn't take long for Jenny to slip into unconsciousness but Gibbs lay there a little longer, still holding her hand. When he was very sure she was asleep, he lifted her hand and kissed it, then slowly moved off the bed. Closing the door tightly, he left her there.

Back downstairs in the hall he reached for coat. He didn't have anything here to work on and he desperately needed the release of spending a few hours working on his boat. Gibbs locked the door, set the alarm and nodded to her security detail sitting across the street. It was Special Agent Jason O'Leary tonight and he knew the man would watch over his wife. He looked up at her bedroom window before getting in his car.

"Good night Jenny," he whispered. Then he headed for his house.


	28. Chapter 28

_A/N: You guys have been awesome for reading and reviewing, thank you! Really nice to see what people are thinking about the story and characters. Now, if we can just get through Thursday...I have big plans for Jenny and Gibbs for their weekend. Keep reading!_

_A/N2: I live in Canada and have never been to Washington so please forgive any errors in my made up DC geography near the end of the chapter._

_A/N3: Sorry this one is so short. I have more to post but I work early in the morning and I'm super tired and just don't have the energy to type anymore tonight. More tomorrow, I promise : )_

Special Agent Gibbs never made it back to sleep beside his wife that night. Once at home he headed straight for the basement, flipping the small work lights on and stripping down to the t-shirt under his clothes as he prepared to work. He picked up his place first. It was one of the more manual tools he used and required muscle strength and physical effort to power it. A tool like this was good for working out frustration.

Setting the place on an uneven middle board, Gibbs began vigorously shoving it away from him. Once, twice, three times and the board matched the level of the others. But he was just getting started and another board took the place of the first as his anger began to rise to the surface. He beat out a steady rhythm on the boat as the sliding motion of the place leveled uneven boards and smoothed the wooden surface of his boat.

When he had done all he could with the place and breads of sweat had started to form on his forehead, Gibbs moved onto another task. Finding the brace and bit on his workbench, Gibbs moved to the other side of the boat and set the bit on the circles that were already marked for where to drill holes. He loved using hand tools to build his boats, feeling the wood under his hands and using his own strength to shape and define each part. Pressing down on the top of the brace, Gibbs twisted the handle in a rapid circular motion. Curled bits of shavings began to appear at the base of the bit as it sunk deeper and deeper into the wood.

When the hold was finished, Gibbs bent down and gently blew to clear the hole of dust and shavings. He did several rows of neat little holes but that was only the beginning. A small box of wooden dowel pins rested on the shelf and he took his mallet from the pegs where it hung. Setting one down in the recently drilled hole, Gibbs gave it a firm whack with the mallet and drove it neatly into the hole, flush with the hull.

He continued down the length of the boat. Set the pin in the hole, whack! Over and over again. Sweat trickled down his face and between his shoulder blades and his shirt stuck to his skin. Twenty, thirty, forty pins were hammered into the tight holes. Gibbs didn't care that his breathing was getting heavier or that his muscles were protesting the strain. He didn't care about the sweat that dripped into his eyes or the small splinters that had embedded themselves into his hands. All that mattered right now was the release the work gave him and the feel of all the stress that had been building up all week draining away like water through cracks in the soil after a rain.

The clock had long since slipped past midnight. Gibb's throat was parched and his eyes were burning but he couldn't stop yet. Fitting a new piece of sandpaper around the block that held it flat, Gibbs closed his eyes and started on his favourite part of working on the boat. With his eyes closed nothing else penetrated his concentration. The only sound in the basement was the soft scrape of rough paper against rough wood. Back and forth, back and forth, fast and then slower and slower as he realized the motion was no longer about releasing tension and all about smoothing the wood. He skimmed his fingers over the section he'd just finished, a small smile of satisfaction gracing his face when the wood felt like satin on his work roughened skin.

The peace he was beginning to feel was suddenly interrupted by the ringing of his cell phone. With a growl of frustration he flung the sanding block back onto his workbench and flipped open the phone.

"What?" he barked.

"Uh, Boss?" DiNozzo's voice.

"Do you know what time it is Tony?"

"Umm, it's 2:30 in the morning."

Gibbs ran his hand down his face. "There a point to this conversation DiNozzo?"

"Oh, yeah, right. We got a case."

"Where?" Gibbs asked, groaning inside. He wouldn't be sleeping tonight.

"Bus terminal on K Street. Sailor found dead under a bus."

"Under?"

"That's what dispatch told me Boss."

"Okay. Wake Ziva and McGee and get them down there. Tell Abby to meet us in the lab at 4 am. I'll be there in twenty minutes."

"On it Boss."

Gibbs closed his phone, resisting the urge to throw it across the room. It was going to be one long night.

Jenny woke slowly the next morning, her eyes fluttering open as she left the haze of sleep behind. She yawned and stretched, feeling rested for perhaps the first time in a week. A small smile played on her lips. Maybe her good sleep had something to do with how she feel asleep last night. She could still feel the steady caress of his thumb back and forth across her hand.

Glancing over at her husband's side of the bed, Jenny frowned. The covers were mussed where he'd sat beside her last night but otherwise it looked like he hadn't come to bed last night. And, being that they weren't at his house where he was occasionally known to fall asleep under his boat (though that was rare now since their marriage), she couldn't figure out why he wasn't here.

Getting out of bed and grabbing her robe, Jenny tiptoed down the stairs to see if he'd perhaps fallen asleep on one of the couches. But at the bottom of the staircase she saw his coat was gone and the alarm was set. Maybe he had gone over to his house after putting her to bed. Goodness knows he needed something to do with himself. Sometimes he got bared at her house because of the lack of boat. Though not usually when they would rather spend time together, something that wasn't quite happening right now.

She picked up her cell from the hall table, hitting his speed dial number as she climbed the stairs back to her room. 0600, he might've fallen asleep in his basement after all. Expecting his groggy, morning voice, Jenny was surprised when he answered with the usual.

"Yeah, Gibbs." She knew he hadn't checked his call display or he was keeping her identity a secret from someone.

"Jethro, where are you? I missed you when I woke up."

He was silent for a moment and Jenny guessed he was moving somewhere it was safe to talk. "Sorry Jen. Caught a case early this morning."

Jenny felt badly for him. He probably hadn't slept yet. Of course, he was Gibbs and could run off no sleep and little food but it wasn't idea.

"It's okay. Drink lots of coffee and I'll see you in a little while."

"Okay babe," she could hear the weariness in his voice. "Love you."

"Love you too," she smiled. Time to get ready for work.


	29. Chapter 29

At 0730 Jenny stepped off the elevator one floor below her own, the tray in her hands filled with six coffees, and a bag of muffins hanging over her arm. She noted the surprise on the team's faces as she entered the squadroom. She met each set of eyes, trying not to let her gaze linger too long on Jethro. No sense in having their secret discovered before they put their plan for revealing it into action.

"I heard you caught a case last night and figured you'd been here all night." She set the tray and bag on Gibbs desk and smiled. "After everything you all did for me last week, I figured the least I could do was bring breakfast as a way of saying thank you."

The joy on their faces was immediate as they rushed to accept her gift.

"Bless you Jen," Ziva murmured as she slipped by.

"Thank you Director," McGee smiled, lifting his cup to her.

"Director, you are my favourite," Tony grinned, trying to beat Ziva to Gibbs desk.

"Two extras Director?" Gibbs asked when they had all claimed their drinks and muffins.

"Cynthia and I enjoy breakfast too," Jenny smiled, collecting the leftovers. "Oh, and Special Agent Gibbs?" she turned around as she was leaving. "I'd like an update on your case when you know more."

Gibbs nodded, eyes on his computer screen and Jenny headed upstairs. As soon as she stepped foot in her outer office, Cynthia looked up, relief smoothing her features, and she put down the phone.

"Director, thank goodness you're here! I was just trying to call you."

Jenny set her things on her assistant's desk. "What's wrong Cynthia?"

"You have an emergency mission report update in MTAC in five minutes. The director of the LA office is on hold for you there as well. SecNav has been calling since 0700 and demanded a return call the minute you stepped into the office. On top of that I have four phone messages here requesting meetings and lunch appointments to discuss everything from the new leader's protection plan to our emergency procedures in case of a terrorist attack on the Navy Yard."

Jenny took a breath as she absorbed her assistant's rather frantic litany of to do's. When she spoke, it was with all the efficiency and authority Director Sheppard of NCIS possessed.

"Cynthia, I want you to call SecNav. Offer my apologies but tell him I'm in MTAC and unavailable for the next," she paused and looked at the clock, "three hours, just in case something takes longer than expected. Have one of the techs get on with Hettie and tell her I have an emergency conference call on screen and I'll be with her as soon as I can. She can either wait or call me back later." Jenny took a breath and smiled, glancing through the phone messages. "We can take care of these once MTAC no longer needs me. Looks like I'll be having two lunches today." She checked her watch. "Online in one minute, I'm in MTAC Cynthia."

The director's assistant finished rapidly jotting notes and reached for the phone. Jenny strode off, completely in her element and ready to tackle the situation head on.

**NCIS**

0900. Gibbs leaned back in his chair and surveyed the empty squadroom. Half of his team was out running down leads and trying to contact people who knew their dead sailor. McGee was down in the lab with Abby doing something on the computer that he didn't understand. And Gibbs was waiting to hear back from Ducky about cause of death. He glanced up to the thick, steel MTAC door into which his wife had disappeared more than an hour ago. He checked his watch. It had been fifteen minutes since the last time he'd asked and Ducky hadn't called back yet. He was probably in the middle of regaling Palmer with a story that began, "This reminds me of a time..." Ducky's stories were legendary and hard to get away from. Still time for a coffee run.

Twenty minutes later he bent down to let the iris scanner at MTAC check his clearance. He entered silently, one cup of coffee in each hand and watched as Jen finished up what looked like a mission report briefing. She made the motion to cut the transmission just as he sat down. Jenny smiled when she saw him and glanced towards the techs who were all suddenly very busy with their computers.

"Jethro," she greeted him. "Oh, coffee." She took the cup from him and just breathed in the aroma. "Thank you." She took a sip and looked over at him. "How goes the case?"

"Tony and Ziva are out following leads and McGee and Abby are in the lab doing their thing on the computer."

"What about you?" she asked.

He grinned. "I'm supervising."

She rolled her eyes. "Sure you are. Because you can keep an eye on them so well from here."

"Hettie standing by for you Director," Jeff, the senior technician announced.

Jenny looked at him regretfully. "Duty calls."

Gibbs looked at her like he wanted to do something more than just say goodbye. "Later Jen."

She watched him walk out, missing how normally he would squeeze her hand or run his fingers down her cheek or touch her shoulder before he left and wondered if that meant she was getting better. Something to mention in therapy this afternoon. The screen flashed and Jenny smiled at the director of the LA office.

"Good Morning Hettie. What can I do for you?"

**NCIS**

When Gibbs got back to his desk, he sat down, resisting the want to go check on Ducky's progress. The ME would just tell him that the phone still worked and he would call when he found something. Pushing some papers out of the way, Gibbs noticed the folder containing flower meaning which McGee had put together for him yesterday. He opened it and fingered the pages. Maybe he could use them more than just once.

_I wonder what else I could say?_ He flipped through the papers, skimming down the list of meanings. Suddenly a word caught his eye and he smiled slowly. _Perfect_. He had another idea.

**NCIS**

It was 1540 and Jenny hadn't stopped running all day. After her morning in MTAC she spent almost half an hour on the phone with the Secretary of the Navy discussing an important issue. Then it was two back to back lunch appointments that had her security detail chauffeuring her all over the city. When she returned, Assistant Director Vance had left a message for her which resulted in another half hour conversation as the two tried to resolve a situation long distance.

No sooner had she hung up with Leon than she was pulled into a top secret meeting regarding the agency's current undercover operations. There was a very pointed message on her desk when she finally sat down, from Agent Fornell about a jurisdiction problem with one of NCIS' cases, but Jenny pushed it under some papers and elected to worry about that tomorrow. Pushing away her fatigue, Jenny hit the intercom button for Cynthia.

"Get Agent Gibbs up here please."

**NCIS**

Gibbs phone rang. It had been a long day and they still hadn't solved their first case. If this was another one he was going to shoot someone.

"Yeah, Gibbs," he answered.

"Agent Gibbs? You're wanted in the director's office."

Gibbs hung up and headed for the stairs.

Tony lowered his voice and whispered to Ziva, "I wonder what Gibbs did now?"

"Maybe she just wants to talk to him," his partner suggested.

"Oh no. Uhun. Gibbs and the director never just talk. Someone's in trouble. Did you see the look on Gibbs' face? Ten bucks says we hear that argument all the way down here, loud and clear."

Ziva rolled her eyes and muttered something in Hebrew. At the moment Tony was glad he couldn't translate it. He knew she could severely wound him with the pencil she was twirling and he didn't want to give her a reason to aim it at him.


	30. Chapter 30

"You called, Director?" Gibbs said, walking in with his ever present cup of coffee, his posture and the look in his eyes beginning to reflect that he was heading into thirty-three hours without sleep.

"Looking for an update on your case, Special Agent Gibbs," she said, all director until the door swung closed and Gibbs flipped the lock.

He dropped unceremoniously onto her couch, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. She had to smile.

"I was actually serious about that one Jethro. I've been too many places today to even begin to catch up on what your team is up to."

Gibbs rubbed his hand over his eyes. "Eighteen year old sailor in dress whites found under a bus at the terminal on K Street." He lifted his head momentarily and glared. "Who dies under a bus?"

Jenny stifled a laugh. "I'm going to hazard a guess that it wasn't his first choice Jethro."

"Maybe not. But he's still dead. And the leads aren't going anywhere, no one we've talked to knows a dang thing and Abby and Ducky can't agree on cause or time of death!"

Jenny moved to join him and began running her fingers softly through this silver hair. He groaned.

"Jen, don't tempt me. I might fall asleep right here."

She smiled. "You're welcome to nap here if you want, I'm gone for the next hour. But your team might get the wrong idea."

He sat up, attempted to open his eyes and poured some coffee down his throat. "Got a case to solve." Getting up required supreme effort. He would give a lot for his bed right now, even more for Jenny to share it with him. Sleep was becoming a high priority but he knew from experience that he was hours away from getting it. "You wanna yell at me on the way out?" he offered. "The kids already think I'm in trouble."

"You won't take it personally?"

"Not when I knew you don't mean it Jen. It's in your eyes."

She took a deep breath and slipped back into director mode, raising her voice. "Do not talk to me that way, I am in charge of this agency..."

"Not for long if you keep doing such a bang up job!" His tone and volume matched hers and he stomped out of the room like a child with a temper tantrum.

She followed on his heels and waited until he started down the stairs. "Special Agent Gibbs!" she shouted. "We are not done!"

"Last time I checked _Director_," he said with emphasis on her title, "this was still my investigation." And he turned around and kept going.

She glared daggers at him for a moment as his team stared and then spun around and headed back into her office. She left her angry face on for Cynthia, who looked unsure.

"Um, Director?"

"What?" she snapped, making sure Cynthia could tell it was Gibbs she was mad at, not her.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to remind you about your appointment in five minutes."

Jenny blew out a breath, letting all her fake anger drain away. "Oh, that. Thank you Cynthia." She sighed. "You're in charge for the next hour." She sent a threatening look in the direction of the squadroom. "Do not let Agent Gibbs shoot anyone."

"I'll try Ma'am."

Jenny grabbed her purse, closed her office door and left for the elevator.

**NCIS**

"Everything okay Boss?" Tony asked when Gibbs rejoined the team, ignoring Ziva's warning look.

"No, it's not okay!" Gibbs snapped, real frustration taking the place of made up emotion. "Do you wanna tell me how we've been working this case for," time check, "fourteen hours and still have nothing?"

"That is not true Gibbs," Abby's voice carried into the bullpen as she hurried from the back elevator, Ducky trailing behind her, "we found something."

"Yes Jethro," Ducky took over. "After a long and arduous examination and re-examination of the body, we have determined when and how our sailor died."

Abby snatched the paper Ducky was holding and waved it in front of Gibbs' face. "Ready for this Gibbs?" She was practically dancing she was so excited. "He OD'd on steroids!"

"Steroids?" Gibbs asked, scanning the sheet. "How did we miss this?"

"Because," Abby grinned, "it wasn't in his bloodstream. It was in his lungs."

Ducky was in charge of the grand finale. "Our dead sailor was severely asthmatic Jethro. And someone knew it because his inhaler had been poisoned."

"Poisoned?" Gibbs echoed, feeling like a parrot.

"Exactly," Ducky smiled. "The concentration in his lungs was five times that of the normal level of an asthma sufferer. He died of asphyxia. His lungs couldn't handle the pressure and shut down."

"So why was he under a bus?" Gibbs demanded.

"Oh Jethro," Ducky shook his head. "I'm afraid that is your department."

Gibbs looked at his team. "I want to go back to that ship and lean on his squad. We know how, lets find who and why. Someone there knows what happened. I want to know who's lying. Let's go!"

**NCIS**

At 1600 Jenny again found herself sitting in Dr. Renway's office, grateful for the cup of tea Kristyn had just handed her. She wanted something to do with her hands.

Kristyn studied Jenny's face and watched her eyes. "Still not your favourite place to be, huh?"

Jenny took a sip of her tea and smiled wryly. "Don't take it personally."

The psychiatrist leaned back in her chair. "Tell me about your week so far."

Jenny rolled her shoulders. "Monday night was nice. Tuesday was awful and Wednesday," she shrugged, "it depended on when you asked."

"What about today?" Kristyn asked, already taking notes.

"Today..." Jenny smiled. "I almost feel normal. I slept last night, I've been good at my job today, I'm even starting to miss normal interaction with my husband."

"What happened Tuesday?" Dr. Renway asked, throwing Jenny off a little.

"Oh, uh, flashback. It happened in the morning, something Jethro said. I don't even remember the rest of the day, but from what little I could get out of my husband, I gathered that I wasn't especially pleasant."

"What triggered the flashback?"

Jenny felt herself getting irritated. _What part of 'I don't want to talk about it' did therapists not understand? Oh, that's right - all of it! _She clasped her tea mug tighter and studied her reflection in the steaming liquid.

"When I decided to stay home from work, Jethro commented that normally he'd have to tie me up to keep me away from the office. And that..."

"...took you back to the bunker," Kristyn finished. "I'm sorry Jenny. Flashbacks are never easy to deal with and the triggers can be anything." She switched topics slightly. "What was good about yesterday?"

Jenny blushed, tracing her fingers absently along her lips. "First kiss since," she said softly.

Kristyn brightened. "That's progress."

"A little," Jenny shrugged, "not that big of a deal."

The doctor waited until Jenny looked at her before shaking her head slowly. "There is no such thing as 'not that big a deal' when you're recovering from this type of experience. Any forward progress is good progress."

"Well, it'd be nice if it would go a little faster," Jenny said shortly before an apologetic look claimed her face.

"Tell me what you meant when you said you were starting to 'miss normal interaction' with your husband."

Jenny sighed and leaned back into the couch. "Because we work together, I've gotten used to certain things." She shrugged. "Like how he'll squeeze my hand or touch my shoulder or kiss my cheek before he leaves my office. Today," she spread her hands, "I think he's afraid to touch me, afraid of what my reaction will be."

Kristyn tucked some hair behind her ear and gazed at Jenny intently. "And what have your reactions been when he touches you?"

"Not so good," Jenny admitted. "But so much depends on the day or the moment. The first night, everything made me jumpy or made me remember, but a lot of little things were still okay and I knew he was trying to help. Maybe I was too numb to register everything, I don't know. And Sunday even more was okay, lots of normal things I barely even thought about and if felt really good. Monday too, a few things made me nervous, but it was okay. And I don't really remember Tuesday, but I don't think anything was okay that day. Yesterday I didn't want to close my eyes when we kissed, I wanted to see that it was him there. And even when we're teasing and he says something I usually wouldn't give a second thought to, now it just reminds me of everything we don't have right now. Everything we can't have because I'm afraid. If I dream about what happened, when I wake up I don't even want him near me. It's frustrating because it's so back and forth, on and off." She closed her fists. "A little consistency would be nice.

Kristyn nodded sympathetically. "I wish it was as easy as just wanting things to be normal. You can't blame yourself Jenny, this whole process takes time. And there will be some moments, some reactions, some feeling you just can't control." She looked up at Jenny, tapping her pencil against her notepad.

"I know it's only been a week. In some ways what happened may feel like a lifetime ago and in others it will seem like yesterday. But I'd like to encourage you to work on being okay with your husband's touch. Unfortunately though, it's a double edged sword. You don't want to rush anything or go beyond what you're comfortable with. But at the same time, the longer you avoid being touched, the harder it will be to get used to it again."

The doctor took a moment to flip through her notes from last week while giving the woman time to absorb what she'd said. "Okay Jenny, let's talk about the emotions you've been feeling this week."

Jenny tried not to be obvious with her disdain for these sessions. Yes, it was supposed to help. Yes, having someone as a sounding board was nice and even some of what Kristyn said made a lot of sense. But right now Jenny would take a dentist appointment over this.


	31. Chapter 31

Slowly Jenny walked back to her office, the now familiar drained feeling she got after a session starting to take over. She walked past Cynthia and through the door. Just before she collapsed into her chair, she noticed something on her desk that hadn't been there before. It was a small, gold, rectangular box with a clear lid. When she looked inside, a smile spread slowly across her face. It was a delphinium, covered in little blue blossoms, resting on a cushion of cotton.

She slid the lid off and picked it up, breathing the sweet fragrance. Attached to the stem was a small note containing only six words._ I admire you for facing this_. Jenny made the interpretation quickly. Delphinium stood for courage. Her husband was sweetly reminding her that he was proud of her. Proud of her for going to therapy, proud of her for doing her job, just proud of her.

Laying the flower down gently, Jenny slipped back out onto the catwalk and leaned on the railing, her eyes seeking out only one face in the hive of activity below. It didn't take long for him to notice her there, somehow he always knew. With a quick glance around to be sure no one was looking, he smiled up at her.

"Thank you," she whispered, letting the love show on her face, knowing he would be able to read her words. Then she checked again to make sure no one's eyes were on them and used the ASL alphabet to spell a short message to him. H-O-M-E. She pointed at herself and then turned away. Now he would know where to find her, if and when their case ever wrapped up.

**NCIS**

Gibbs watched his wife turn away and remembered the moment she had asked him to teach her a few signs. They had only been married for a month or so. It had been a long day at the office, but an intriguing case. It was one of those days that Abby felt like testing him to make sure he hadn't lost his touch with the language. Jenny had been with him for part of his time in the lab, hanging out with them since there was nothing terribly urgent going on upstairs.

Later that night when they were sitting on the couch, trying to unwind, Jenny had looked at him with a question in her eyes. The request though, had surprised him.

"Jethro," she asked.

"Mmm?" his eyes were closed and he was feeling pretty relaxed.

"Will you teach me how to sign?"

That got his attention. "Sign? Why?"

Jenny shrugged. "I was watching you and Abby today and feeling a little jealous because I didn't know what you were saying. I speak three languages, but none of them will help me understand the two of you."

"Jealous?" he almost laughed. "You know Abby isn't competition Jen."

"No," she said thoughtfully, "but she knows so much more about you than I do. I didn't even know you knew how to sign."

"It never really came up before."

"Well," she looked at him expectantly, "will you?"

Uncharacteristically, Gibbs hesitated. It took him a moment to be sure whether or not he wanted Jen to learn to sign. After all, it was something special. It was a bond he and Abby shared and it was also one of the memories he held dearest from his mom. Then again, if she learned ASL, that left the possibilities wide open for what they could get away with while they were at work and not have anybody even realize it. He shifted in his seat, trying to decide.

"Why do you want to learn Jen?"

"Don't you want to teach me?" she looked hurt.

"I want to know why. It has to be more than just watching me and Abby talk."

Jenny considered the question. "Perhaps. I think...sometimes its easier not to use words."

In that moment Gibbs knew she was going to get it. He understood exactly what she meant. He didn't always like words either. So much could be conveyed through sign. Like with Abby, he hold her things in sign that he wouldn't necessarily say out loud in front of others. And signing just made the message more intimate. He thought of the moments when he said, "I love you," to the forensic scientist and made her so happy. Or when the room was full of people and he used her cheek to sign "my girl". Of course, it drove Tony nuts because no one was deaf, but that didn't stop them from having fun with it.

He nodded. "Okay."

Jen's face lit up. "Can you show me something right now?"

"The first thing you have to learn is the alphabet. If you don't know a sign for a word, you can always fall back on spelling it. It's not the best way to learn, but it'll do for now." He held up a fist with his thumb on the outside. "This is 'A'. Now, follow me."

He'd spent an hour that night teaching her the basics of the ASL alphabet and getting her to repeat it over and over until she could do it by herself. In the last six months he'd taught her a variety of signs and she tried to use them whenever she could.

Tearing his eyes away from the now empty catwalk, Gibbs couldn't quite get rid of the smile. He hoped he'd be able to meet her at home very soon. But first he had a case to solve.

**NCIS**

Jenny got home shortly before five-thirty that night. Thanking the agent who insisted on walking her to the door, Jenny smiled. _Jethro must've been threatening my security detail with in inches of their lives again if anything bad happens, they're more protective than usual_. She unlocked the door and let herself in. The house was cold, dark and quiet, but adjusting the thermostat on the wall, flicking on nearly all the first floor lights and popping her favourite CD in the kitchen player soon fixed all that.

Her coat was draped over the stand behind the door and she dropped her purse and phone on the hall table, expecting a call from Jethro when he was headed home. _So much for a good sleep last night_, Jenny thought as she sank onto the couch. _I'm so tired right now I could probably sleep on the couch all night and not even notice_. She decided her exhaustion either had something to do with her therapy session or that fact that she'd tried to catch up on almost two days worth of director duties in one normal length workday.

The next thing she knew she was blinking her eyes and trying to remember what had happened. She tried to focus her bleary eyes on the hands of her watch. _Six-fifteen? Didn't I just get home? _Then she realized that she was laying, not just sitting on the couch and laughed to herself. _Wow, I must have skills if I can fall asleep without even noticing_. Standing up she stretched out a few kinks and headed for the kitchen. If by some miracle Jethro made it home at a decent hour, he would probably be famished.

Jenny hummed along to the song on the radio, since her CD had run it's course while she was sleeping, and looked through the contents of her fridge. Noemi was currently on a two week holiday to South America to visit her mother and sisters. _I will be very glad when she gets back though, I am not meant to be domesticated_. Still, she was capable of making chili. It was simple and reheated well and Jenny felt the need for something hot tonight. Plus, they could freeze it and eat the rest later.

As she was opening cans of beans and tomatoes on the counter, the lyrics of the new song playing caught her ear and she reached over to turn up the volume. She had to hear the chorus twice before she realized why she liked it. The words reflected some of what she was feeling about her current situation, but hadn't really founds the words to say, if she was going to say anything at all.

Grabbing a pen and a piece of paper from the holder on the wall, Jenny waited for the chorus to come around again and jotted down the lyrics. She would write it out properly later. Maybe she would even show Jethro. It might help him understand. When the song was over Jenny went back to her supper preparations.

Less than half an hour later there was a steaming pot of chili boiling on the stove. With one final stir Jenny removed it from the burner and reached over to butter the toast that just popped. When everything was covered and turned off and ready to eat, she carried a plate of toast and a hot bowl of chili into her livingroom. Thinking that she needed something to do that wasn't thinking, Jenny browsed the shelves that housed her DVD collection.

It didn't take long for her to settle on _Sahara_. It was a drama/comedy and she could use something to laugh at tonight. The sidekick was her favourite character and had the best lines and scenes in the movie. Setting her food on the table beside the couch, Jenny settled in to enjoy a quiet evening and a hot meal.

**NCIS**

Gibbs had no idea what time it was when he finally dragged himself up the walk to Jenny's house. All that mattered was that they caught the guy who'd poisoned Kenneth Hoss, their dead sailor. As he'd suspected, it was someone from the man's squad. Once confronted with all the evidence, the kid confessed to being a chemistry whiz who knew how to mix up a concentrated dose of steroids to put in the inhaler. And when they asked him why?

"Because I was the better sailor. I did everything right and yet I had to live in his shadow. And he was going to get promoted instead of me. The captain only saw his performance because he was a friend of Kenneth's dad. He never even looked at me."

Sighing heavily, he turned his key in the lock. Why was it people never had a good reason for killing? It was always about them. Inside he took off his coat and followed the sounds to the livingroom. Jenny was sitting on the couch, eating some popcorn as she watched the credits from a movie scroll by.

"Jen?"

"Oh, Jethro. I'm glad you're home." She got up and came to him.

They simply stood and looked at each other for a moment and then Jenny made the first move, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around him. Gibbs was relieved and sank into her arms. He hadn't wanted to do the wrong thing today, but he'd had to work really hard to keep from doing anything at all. It was the first time today that they'd been this close and he breathed in the smell of her that he loved so much.

Finally she pulled back. "I made supper. You really should eat but then I think an early bedtime wouldn't hurt."

He nodded, agreeing with her even if the only thing he wanted right now was his bed. He'd humour her and eat something and he'd probably sleep better anyway. She shut off the TV and DVD player and led him into the kitchen. While he sat at the table, half awake and half asleep, Jenny warmed up a bowl of chili and buttered two pieces of toast. Then she just sat at the table with him while he ate. They didn't say anything, but for the moment, they didn't need to.

Minutes later dirty dishes were deposited into the sink and the couple headed upstairs, turning off lights as they went. Tonight Jenny set the alarm, because she wasn't entirely sure Jethro could keep his eyes open that long. Gibbs made quick work of brushing his teeth and changing into pyjamas. At last he sank with a sigh into the soft bed. He smiled when Jenny pulled the covers over his body and kissed his forehead. Not too many minutes later she joined him, laying on her side but not terribly far away. Gibbs was just glad to be in the same bed as Jenny. Just before he drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep, Gibbs heard her soft whisper.

"Good night Jethro. Sleep well."

And they both fell asleep.


	32. Chapter 32

How can life be normal and yet not all at the same time? Jenny went to work again on Friday and scheduled a full day because down times were dangerous times for unwanted thoughts to intrude. She saw her husband three times at work. Once to ask for help getting the FBI to butt out of an investigation, once to bring coffee and another to try and convince her to have something to eat. The last couple of days had been fine and small amounts of food had been making their way into her stomach. But Friday was full on work mode and Jenny couldn't be bothered with something as unessential as eating.

The rest of the day Gibbs and his team were in and out of the building, downstairs to the lab, further downstairs to Autopsy, out for coffee and food runs and back trying to track down people and chase leads. It was all so completely normal and yet not. Jenny had the feeling that everything about them was fake today; superficial and impersonal. There were no private chats, no need to lock her office door and no spying at him from the catwalk railing. Strictly professional, except that they were married.

Jenny didn't want to slow down. She didn't want to stop the slow self-destruct spiral she found herself in. She didn't want to talk about things and deal with them, she just wanted it to all go away. On the outside she was Director Sheppard, perfectly put together and capable of handling anything the day could bring. On the inside she was Jenny Gibbs, lonely and broken and trying desperately to forget the memories that clung to the back of her mind like tar. It was better just not to think about it. Working late and catching up on paperwork was an even better way to keep the thoughts away. Nothing else could fit in her mind while she was focused on case reports and mission updates.

But when she found a single purple freesia flower in her briefcase at the end of that long day, Jenny found she couldn't keep the front up anymore. Why was she bothering to try and hide? Jethro had been showing her these past few days, by coming into her world and speaking a language she loved, that he would meet her wherever she was, that he wasn't willing to let them get too far away. Freesia, after all, meant trust. _You can trust me_, his message was saying. _I admire your courage, I know you can do this. I love you unconditionally_. How could she just ignore everything he was telling her, everything he was willing to be for her?

As she stood there, undecided about the now what?, a knock sounded at her door and she looked up to see him there.

"Hi Jenny," Gibbs sounded hesitant, as if he couldn't read her. That scared her, because he always knew her.

She looked back at him, trying to force a smile. "This must be serious. You knocked." It didn't even earn her a small grin.

Gibbs rubbed his hands together and seemed to be trying to decide something. "What's wrong today Jen? Nothing has felt right all day. You've barely looked me in the eye since we got up this morning. Did you have a bad dream? Did something today remind you of what happened? We can work through whatever it is Jen, just please," Jenny's eyes started to water when she saw the anguish in his eyes, "don't push me away. I can't be without you Jen. Tell me what's going on!"

Jenny fingered the petals on her flower, trying not to cry. Jethro hated it when she cried, but he also knew how to fix it. "I don't want to deal with it anymore Jethro, I don't want to work through it. I've been trying to hide from reality today because I just want it to go away."

Gibbs wanted to go to her, he wanted to tell her that they would fix whatever it was. But how do you fix a hurt like what she had experienced? How do you erase memories that won't go away? How do you help her heal when everything you want to do to help might be everything that she's afraid of?

They stood on opposite sides of her office, staring into each other's eyes, wondering what the other one saw. Jenny saw the moment her husband decided he could fix this and she took a small step towards him, dropping the flower on her desk. Still he waited, for what she wasn't sure, but she knew it was still her move.

"I trust you," she whispered and a moment later his arms were around her and both breathed a sigh of relief at the contact. If he could just hold her, they would make it. They would work on everything else step by step, but that was one of the most important things.

Jenny didn't want to cry, so she wiped away the tears one by one as Gibbs rocked her slowly. He held her as if she were made of glass, so fragile that she could fall apart at any moment. Inside, Jenny still held herself back from him, but she was determined to fix that this weekend. She really wanted to try.

"It's time to go home Jenny," Gibbs whispered against her hair.

She turned her eyes towards the clock and the sound she made was part laugh, part cry. "Only nine o'clock, that's practically a record for us. Do you suppose we'll ever learn how to go home at a normal time?"

It was Gibbs turn to laugh. "Only when there are no more cases. But I think we would be bored to death, so we may as well just deal with it."

The drive home was quiet, but a peaceful kind and not the kind where they were trying to avoid saying something. It was chilly outside, so Gibbs turned the fireplace on when they got inside and Jenny declared she was going upstairs to change into something more comfortable. He knew she really just wanted to get rid of her heels. Other than the fact that she looked really good in them, he was pretty sure the only reason she wore them was to be closer to his height. Jenny Gibbs was short without her heels and not nearly so imposing. He chuckled. But he wouldn't be caught dead telling her that, especially when she was his boss. For the rest of the weekend though, she was his wife only and he hoped they could find a way back to each other while they were alone, even if they went no further than getting her comfortable with being touched again.

Wandering into the kitchen, Gibbs decided it was time to look for dessert. Though neither one of them had really had supper, he was pretty sure they didn't feel like a full meal either. Grabbing two bowls out of the cupboard, Gibbs was headed over to the fridge when he saw a piece of paper with Jenny's writing on it sitting on the counter. He picked it up, trying to read what she'd written. The words were just scribbled down quickly but he was pretty good at reading Jenny's in-a-hurry scrawl.

The words said:

"_Lead me with strong hands,_

_stand up, when I can't._

_Don't leave me, hungry for love,_

_Chasing dreams, but what about us?_

_Show me, you're willing to fight,_

_That I'm still the love of your life._

_I know we call this our home_

_But I still feel alone."_

Gibbs stared at the words, which sounded vaguely like song lyrics or the words from a poem maybe. But given that the paper was in front of the radio, he guessed at the first. He read them again, struck by how they seemed to relate to what his wife was going through, what he was going through. The lyrics spoke for both of them and Gibbs knew Jenny had written them down for a reason, maybe he was supposed to see them. He tucked the paper in his pocket, he would have to think about that more later.

Returning to his original mission, Gibbs took the quart of ice cream from the freezer and dropped a couple scoops in each bowl. He took them with him into the livingroom and waited for Jenny to come back downstairs. When she did, he handed her the bowl of ice cream without a word and she settled on the other end of the couch, raising her eyebrows.

"Ice cream two times in one week? Either I'm in trouble or I'm getting spoiled for no good reason."

"Don't need a reason to spoil you Jen," he informed her, licking ice cream off his spoon.

She took a small taste of hers and frowned. "But you didn't say I wasn't in trouble."

"No trouble," he shook his head, "but we still need to talk."

"I was afraid of that," Jenny's voice sounded small and she finished her sentence in sign. _With words?_

"Yes," he said firmly, signing and speaking at the same time. "With words Jen. We haven't talked enough this week." He sighed. "I miss us Jenny."

She nodded. "I miss us too. But what do we do about it?"

"Tell me how you're feeling, what you're feeling. Tell me why I can't do things instead of just saying don't."

"Will you tell me things too?" Jenny asked, apprehension creeping over her and she shivered, even with the warmth in the room.

He looked surprised. "What kind of things?"

"Tell me what you really feel about what happened. Not just what you think I need to hear." This question was important to her, he could hear it in her tone, see it in her body language. She was afraid to believe everything he'd told her in case he was just saying it because she was hurt. He set his bowl aside and scooted forward, offering his hands to her. After a couple moments, Jenny tentatively placed her hands in his.

"Jen, you gotta believe me. Everything you've heard from me this week is true. I'm not making it up so you feel better. You are and always will be beautiful to me. I have never and will never think of you as damaged goods. I don't care how long it takes for you to feel better, I will be right here." He raised her hands to his lips and kissed them slowly. "I love you Jenny."

Although it felt good to have all those truths reinforced, it hadn't escaped Jenny's notice that he'd side stepped the question. So she asked it again. "But how do you feel, Jethro?"

"Feel?" he said harshly and she could see the frustration in his face and his eyes. He tried to drop her hands but she held on tighter. "I feel awful. I feel like it's my fault because I left you alone. You're my wife! I'm supposed to protect you and I failed." His voice got softer with each new admission of guilt. "I am incredibly angry at the man who did this to you, not just because he hurt you but because he's made you afraid to be with the man who loves you. I wish I'd killed him. And I'm frustrated because I can't fix this Jen, I can't make it better for you."

Hearing his honesty for the first time since the event brought Jenny to tears. She leaned forward kissing his face and holding him. He grabbed onto her like a drowning man holds a life preserver and she whispered in his ear everything he didn't want to accept.


	33. Chapter 33

"It was not your fault and it's not my fault, it just happened. There is no use passing the blame and feeling worse about it because we can't change what happened." Tears choked off her words for a moment before she could continue and he lifted his hand to wipe them away. "You promised on the day of our marriage to protect me with your life. You have done that for more than just the last seven months and I have no doubt that you will continue to do that as long as we live. But you cannot protect me from life, silly man, even though you try. We are both angry but that will not fix this. Work out your anger how you must but don't let it consume you, please." She rested her forehead against his for a moment, listening to the sound of his breathing and willing herself to be brave enough to speak what she felt.

"Yes, he hurt me and yes, because of him I am afraid but I want so badly not to be afraid of you. I know you can't fix this but you would if you could and I love you for wanting to try. Honestly, I don't know how you can make it better, for now just follow my lead. I need you to accept that there are some things I cannot handle right now and some things will take some time. You can't push me or press me or beg me to heal any faster than I am because like it or not, I have no control over what I am feeling. But I'll try if you try and I promise we will get through this together."

There were tear tracks on both of their faces when Jenny finished her little speech and she was stunned to realize that she felt better just getting it out. Who knew that psychiatrists could be right and it could make her feel better to talk about everything she'd been avoiding?

Gibbs brushed back her hair and swallowed, needing to ask the next question and both needing to know the answer as well as deeply dreading it. "Will you tell me Jen, what happened?"

Telling her husband about how she was violated was the absolute last thing Jenny Gibbs wanted to do. But tonight was a night for the walls to come down and she couldn't let herself hide behind them anymore. She scooted closer to him so she was sitting close by his side. She didn't want to look in his eyes when she told him the truth.

"I don't want you to hurt more," she whispered.

"Jen," he countered softly, sure that he needed to hear this, "anything is better than not knowing and only imagining."

Jenny had her doubts about that particular point but instead she began to slowly retell her story, using the same version she'd relayed to Kristyn at their first session. She had to pause several times and her body reacted every time Gibbs tensed at what he heard. He put his arm around her and held her hand and she tried to focus on his hands, knowing they were so much different that the hands that had mistreated her. When she finally finished, ending with the moment they broke down the door, she breathed a sigh of relief. It may not have been therapeutic but there was some release inside of her with having it out in the open as well, even if it was painful for her husband to hear and embarrassing for her to tell.

Gibbs sat silently for a long time, holding his wife's hand and struggling to grasp everything he'd just been told. Some of what she said he already knew from the interrogation but it was very different coming from Jenny. Some things she'd said he wished he didn't know but if she didn't tell him that didn't mean it didn't happen. He understood better now, why she was so reluctant to be touched, why anything could trigger a flashback and why their intimacy was on hold for the foreseeable future. But she trusted him enough to tell him and for tonight, that was enough.

He pulled away from her, wanting to look into her eyes while she answered his questions. Jenny had incredibly expressive eyes and there was so much else he could read there that her words wouldn't tell him.

"What happened when they took you to the hospital Jen?"

Jenny closed her eyes, still fighting her way out of the memories from that day. Time to separate emotion from fact. "I was there for four hours. The first thing they did was a rape kit." How she hated that word, the word for what was done to her. It didn't even come close to describing the devastation and people used it without knowing what it really meant. "They had to take..." she struggled for the word, unwilling to say what the hospital called it, and fell back on NCIS jargon, "forensic evidence from me. My...body, my fingernails, the bruises, my hair."

She shook her head, not wanting to recall the cold, sterile hospital room where everyone was doing their job but nobody had time to really care. "They took my clothes and gave me one of those awful, thin hospital gowns. The back was open and I just sat there, waiting for them to finish. I felt so...exposed." She rubbed her free hand over her eyes, Jethro had claimed the other one. "They did a physical examination, I was given needles for things I don't even know now. Some of it is just a blur. But I didn't want to be there, I just wanted to go home. I knew you would somehow make it better."

"I wish I had been with you. Our secret didn't matter so much that you had to go alone."

"No," Jenny said, stopping him. "You had a job to do, you dealt with the bad guy, that was your part."

"I could've sent someone with you."

Jenny put her hand on his face. "My security detail never left me alone. They were outside the door the minute I got there and they stayed until I could go home. There was nothing anyone could've done. The last thing I needed was an audience."

"But to still be alone," he protested, "after everything else."

"Shh," she said, "it worked out alright. You came home and you did everything I needed that night. I couldn't have asked for you to be more gentle."

"I thought maybe you were going to break that night," he admitted.

"I probably would've if I was alone," she told him, realizing how much his strength had gotten her through. "I probably would've curled up on my bed and cried for a week before I even tried to get back to normal life again. But you wouldn't let me. Just having you here probably saved my sanity."

He nodded, glad that something helped. Gibbs looked her up and down very seriously. "Do you still...hurt, Jenny?" he asked.

It took her moment to understand the question and she smiled at how delicate he had tried to be. "A little," she said, "but more uncomfortable than sore anymore. And everything else is beginning to heal too. The bruises are fading but these," she held up her bare wrists, "I think I'll have the scars awhile longer."

Gibbs rubbed his thumb over the marks on her wrist. "I don't care how long they last," he announced. "Every time I see them, they will remind me."

Jenny frowned. "Remind you of what?" Surely he wouldn't want to be reminded of what she'd suffered.

He kissed the marks while looking her in the eyes. "To never take any time with you for granted again. I might never have gotten you back Jen and that would've killed me. I couldn't do it twice."

Jenny leaned closer, until she was a breath away from his lips. "I can't promise you what I don't know. But tonight I'm not going anywhere."

She waited a moment for them both to be sure and then leaned into him, kissing him with everything she couldn't say, all her gratitude and love. They stayed that way for awhile, just kissing, and enjoying their closeness. Closeness didn't always have to do with physical nearness, but it was emotional as well. And tonight they had connected on a level that had been missing since last week.

Gibbs leaned back from her to catch his breath and wove his fingers with hers. "So, what now?"

She laughed. "This may be the wrong time, but Dr. Renway has been pretty insistent. She wants us both to come into my appointment on Tuesday. Apparently joint therapy is good for couples recovering from," she swallowed, not wanting to use the word, "this."

"What did you tell her about me?"

"That you're my husband." At his surprised look she added, "I couldn't lie to a shrink Jethro, she'd know it just as fast as you do."

"I'll do whatever you need," Gibbs said, with barely a pause. "I'm not going anywhere Jenny."

"Well," Jenny hedged, hoping he would give her an excuse to get out of it but knowing she was stuck, "I guess we could try it once together and see what happens."

"Deal." He took a good look at her. "Oh Jen, you look exhausted again. I think it's time for bed."

"See?" she smiled as they got up. "This is why we don't use words to talk. Everything emotional is an awful amount of effort."

"Oh," Gibbs said sincerely as he led her up to their bedroom, "I do believe tonight was worth all the effort."

"Agreed," she sighed. "And I am so ready to sleep now."

Not too long after they made it upstairs, Jenny and Gibbs lay down facing each other in their bed. Gibbs, too tired to guess, decided the easiest way to find out was to ask. "What's okay for me to do Jenny?"

She leaned in to kiss him lightly. "Kisses are okay. Holding me. Just...keep your hands in once place, okay? It's when you start to rub my back or move your hands that I get nervous."

Appreciating her honesty, Gibbs held out his arms and she gladly moved in beside him. Pulling her to him, he put one arm around her waist and the other around her shoulders, deciding he would just hold her awhile. Besides, it was getting late and he couldn't think of a better way to fall asleep.


	34. Chapter 34

For once there were no alarm clocks going off, no cell phone's ringing, no anything to interrupt the much needed sleep of Jenny and Jethro Gibbs. It was a day with no schedules, a Saturday, a chance to catch up and spend time together.

Gibbs woke up slowly and opened his eyes to see his wife lying on her side facing him, still lost in dreams. He wasn't sure how long he lay there and just watched Jenny sleep. There was no tension in her face, no memories, he hoped, invading her dreams. She was so beautiful. Her red hair lay across her shoulders, her body rising and falling to the steady rhythm of her breathing.

Jenny stirred, rubbing her eyes and blinking slowly. When she saw him laying there awake, she smiled. Her eyes fell closed again and she struggled to pull away from sleep.

"Jethro," she chided, " you know I can't sleep with you looking at me."

Gibbs couldn't stop himself, he reached over and brushed her hair back, loving the softness of it. "Can't help it. Got the best view in the city right here."

Jenny rolled over and curled up on her other side, groaning. "I don't want to get up."

He considered this. He hadn't checked the time yet and could claim innocence. "Well, technically Jen, it's Saturday. We don't have to get up."

She turned her head and opened one eye to look at him. "I suppose. But not quite as much fun to stay in bed right now."

Gibbs leaned up and rested his head on his hand. "What? Are you saying I'm no fun to spend time with?"

"That's not what I meant."

He knew exactly what she meant, remembering clearly other long weekend days spend with her in their bed. But he wasn't touching that right now. This weekend was about neutral and non-threatening and just being together.

When he looked back at her, he found that Jenny had rolled back over and was now studying him. "What are you thinking?"

"That I like spending time with you no matter what we're doing."

Jenny smiled like she didn't quite believe him. "Good answer. Hey, what time is it?" she asked, curious as to whether they'd actually slept in.

"Let's not check," Gibbs suggested. "Then we don't have to feel bad about still being in bed if it's late."

She considered this logic. "So, what do you want to do?"

Wrong question. She could see it in his eyes the second the words were out of her mouth. Her husband wasn't as hard to figure out as he liked to think or pretend. His eyes told her exactly what he wanted to be doing, but his lips tempered the desire she saw there.

"I was thinking that I'd really like to kiss you right now. Is that allowed?"

Jenny bit her lip. How strange to hear him ask permission! Sweet though, of him to try so hard. She nodded, scooting closer to him.

Gibbs just looked at her for a moment, building up anticipation as he stroked her cheek with his thumb. The truth was in her eyes: she wanted him to kiss her. He angled his head and leaned in, touching her lips with his, softly at first and then he parted his lips and deepened the kiss. There was no urgency, just a husband savouring the taste of his wife.

Jenny responded to him, kissing him back, and brought her hands to his face. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her up against him. When they both had to breath again, Gibbs lips strayed to her neck, placing kisses down one side as she automatically tipped her head to receive his caress. Such a familiar dance it was for them, knowing each other's bodies and what brought pleasure.

Suddenly Jenny's hands were on his chest, holding him back. He opened his eyes to see the conflict in hers, her body no longer relaxed but tense.

"What Jen?" he asked, not wanting to mess today up for them.

Jenny was trying to get her breathing back under control. She closed her eyes for a moment, then looked into her husband's face. Gibbs was surprised to see desire there that she was trying to suppress.

"You can't...try to seduce me right now Jethro." She took another breath, not sure how she could want something and yet not want it at the same time. "You have no idea how much I want to go back to just being normal with you. But...not today, okay?" She kissed him, trying to soften her words.

Gibbs didn't say anything, he just claimed her lips again and tried to keep his hands on her face and off the rest of her body. This time when he pulled back, he settled Jenny's back against his side. Leaning back, he lifted her left hand and looked at her bare ring finger.

"Will you wear your ring today, for me?" he asked.

Jenny rolled over onto her stomach and reached into the drawer of her bedside table. She came back to him holding a blue velvet ring box in her hand. Laying on her back against the pillows, Jenny opened the box and smiled at the sight of her promise in shiny silver circles.

"Put them on for me," she whispered. Because of their secret, they rarely wore their wedding bands but Jenny knew that he loved to see the rings on her hand, one other thing that claimed her as his, even if the rest of the world didn't see it yet.

Gibbs smiled as she pulled her engagement ring free and handed it to him. She hadn't expected to get it when she did and the design was something he had come up with. Three stunning, round cut diamonds in a row. "One for the past that we share, one for our present together and one for our future as husband and wife," he'd explained the day he got down on one knee and asked if she would marry him. He'd even had those words inscribed on the inside so she would always know. Jenny loved it.

She held up her hand and he slid the ring over her knuckle, admiring the way the precious stones sparkled from the sunlight shining on their bed. Next for her wedding ring. Jenny vividly remembered the beautiful spring day when they'd promised forever. A pastor they knew from Abby's church who agreed to perform the service but tell no one. Gibbs in a rented tux and Jenny in a simple, white, floor length dress, with Ducky serving as their witness.

They'd agreed on the same thing to be engraved on the inside of their silver bands. _I promise to be yours_. Gibbs pushed the smooth ring gently on her finger and up against the first one. Then he kissed her finger and whispered the same words they'd used to answer their vows, "I promise."

For a moment they were lost in each other's eyes and the love that shone there. Then Jenny caught his hand.

"Where's yours?"

He reached over to his side table where his ring lay in a shallow dish. He handed it to her. "Never far away."

Jenny held the heavy silver band in her hand for a moment before she slipped it onto his finger where it belonged. "I promise too," she whispered in response.

"Are we going to leave them on this time?" Gibbs asked, twisting the ring so he could see the intertwined circles pressed into the metal, the symbol of eternal love.

Jenny smiled. "Why not? I guess they could all use some good news after this week," she said, referring to the team.

"Good," he nodded. "I'm tired of hiding how I feel about you at work. Let them talk about what we're doing in your office, because you know they will. I want everyone to know that I love you and we belong to each other." He mock glared at her. "Especially those big shot Navy guys who are always flirting with you."

Jenny raised her eyebrows, "Jealous Jethro?" He knew she never looked at another man in that way.

"Always Jen," he smiled.

Then the comfortable silence so common to them enveloped the room as they lay together in their warm bed, happy to be in love with each other.


	35. Chapter 35

Finally Jenny stretched and pushed herself into a sitting position, despite her husband's protests.

"We really should get up Jethro, maybe get some breakfast?" Jenny wasn't sure how much she would eat but a little something couldn't hurt.

Gibbs chuckled. "If we have breakfast now, we'll be pulling an Abby. It's 1200."

"Oh." Jenny laughed. "Well, looks like we finally managed to sleep in."

She moved over to her side of the bed and slid out from under the covers.

"I'm declaring today a comfy clothes day," her husband said, reaching for the drawer where he kept things he couldn't wear to work. He grabbed an old gray hoody, one of his NIS t-shirts that Jenny often slept in after they'd been intimate, and a pair of sweatpants. Jenny surveyed her options and chose her yoga pants and a long sleeved blue shirt.

They headed down to the kitchen and Jenny took a seat on one of the chairs, one knee pulled up to her chest.

"What sounds good?" Gibbs asked, opening the fridge.

"Breakfast," Jenny smiled.

"Okay Abby," he teased. "Eggs?"

"Scrambled. Toast?"

Gibbs considered his choices. "Blueberry."

Jenny wrinkled her nose at him, she only liked strawberry jam. But she obligingly removed his choice from the cupboard too and stuck two slices of brown bread in the toaster. Theirs was a familiar routine coming from the many times they'd made breakfast together over the course of their relationship.

"I wish we had bacon," Gibbs lamented. If they had to have breakfast for lunch, they may as well do it right.

"You're lucky Noemi will be back next week," Jenny laughed, "since we never manage to go shopping by ourselves."

It didn't take long before both eggs and toast were sitting on plates at the kitchen table. Jenny poured them both a glass of orange juice and they sat down. Gibbs watched Jenny carefully, noting that she didn't so much eat as nibble at her food. It didn't help that she'd barely been eating enough to keep a bird alive for the last week. He was concerned about her but decided not to mention anything. Jenny could get awfully defensive about her eating habits and he wanted today to be peaceful for them.

When he'd finished and Jenny had eaten all that she was going to, they took their plates to the sink. Dirty dishes from the last couple days stared up at them. They exchanged glances. How sad that two grown adults simply couldn't function without their housekeeper!

Jenny shrugged helplessly. "Wash or dry?"

Gibbs grabbed a towel off the stove door handle and flicked it over his shoulder, grinning. "Dish towel duty."

Jenny reached over and switched the radio on, while she waited for the sink to fill with water, so there was something to listen to. As an afterthought, she noticed that the piece of paper with her scribbled lyrics on it was missing. She wondered if it had blown off the counter or if her husband had found it. And if he had, did he understand?

She stuck her hands into the hot, soapy water and started scrubbing their dishes clean. Gibbs tried to keep up with the drying and they teased each other when one or the other fell behind in their duties.

"Waiting," her husband announced gleefully a few minutes later.

She flicked her dripping fingers at him.

"Can't keep up, huh?" she smirked when a few dishes lay waiting for him to dry them.

"Missed a spot," he declared, dropping the chili pot back into her water.

"You're impossible," she muttered, scrubbing at the speck he'd pointed out.

"Hey, Marines know how to get dishes clean the first time, amateur."

"Good," Jenny grinned, "then next time you wash and I'll dry. Fair trade?"

"Plead the fifth," Gibbs said after a moment of careful thought about how to get out of that one.

"Uh huh," Jenny noted, finishing with the last of the silverware.

At last the dishes were all clean and dry and they moved around the kitchen, putting them back in their proper places. When the sink was drained and the towel rehung, they stood and looked at each other again.

"Board game?" Jenny suggested.

An hour and a lot of laughter later, after Gibbs had solidly trounced Jenny in two games of Battleship, they packed up the old game and dropped onto a couch with satisfied smiles.

"Now what?"

Jenny looked happy and Gibbs would've been fine just sitting and looking at her for awhile. He hadn't seen that look on her face for awhile, it had been too buried in the hurt. Not to mention this was pretty much the first free time they'd had together all week.

"Movie?" he suggested. He wasn't a huge fan of movies but Jenny enjoyed them so they watched one together sometimes.

Jenny shook her head. "Too early in the day for a movie. Want to go for a walk?"

"Then we'd have to change," her husband complained.

"Well, yes, there is that," Jenny acquiesced.

There was silence for a moment as Gibbs reviewed their remaining options. Then a thought struck him. He'd noticed how Jenny had been rubbing her neck all morning, maybe he could help.

"Massage?" he asked.

Jenny's eyes showed her gratitude that he'd noticed. She nodded, "I'd like that." She got off the couch and moved to sit in front of him but he caught her hand first.

"I could just do your neck, but if you lay down," he pulled the blanket off the back of the couch and spread it on the floor, patting it, "I could do your whole back."

Jenny looked at him skeptically. "If I didn't know you were such a wonderful man, I would think you were buttering me up for something."

"Come here Jen," he said. "No ulterior motives, I promise."

She looked a little reluctant but finally stretched out on her stomach with her head resting on her arms. Before he started she looked up at him, wishing she didn't have to put conditions on him being so nice. "You'll have to do it from beside me," she said softly.

Gibbs understood. Sometimes he would straddle her body with his knees so he could work right overtop of her back. But she obviously wasn't ready for that yet. "Works for me Jen." He didn't want to make a big deal out of it.

He started with her neck, tracing the tight muscles with his fingers. He slowly worked his way down to her shoulders and she completely relaxed, knowing he would make it feel better. In a way it was therapy for both of them. Jen got to relax and have all the knots kneaded out of her back and Gibbs got to touch his wife in a way that didn't make her nervous to be close to him.

With the low heat of the fire in the background and the familiar pressure of Jethro's hands on her back, Jenny felt herself drifting off to sleep. That is, until he reached her lower back and drew his fingers over the line of skin showing between her shirt and her pants. With no warning at all Jenny's nerves started screaming and the pictures hidden in her mind came roaring back to the forefront.

"Stop!" she ordered in a voice so tense and brittle that Gibbs froze.

Jenny reached up and yanked her shirt down farther. Her eyes darted around the room, looking for somewhere she felt safe. Gibbs watched her frantic movements and wondered if she even saw him. He wasn't sure if he should say anything. Would a man's voice just freak her out even more? But when she moved to stand up, trying to get away, Gibbs grabbed her wrist.

At that moment, it was the wrong move. Jenny spun around and he narrowly avoided catching her elbow in his chest as her defense mechanism kicked in and she reverted to her agent training. Hating what he was doing, fighting with her, Gibbs blocked a couple of her moves before he got her in a position where he could wrap his arms around her from behind and hold her to his chest.

Her breathing was rapid, her eyes wide with fear and she struggled against his grip. He dropped them into a sitting position and began whispering in her ear, even as he tightened his grip to keep her from flailing.

"Jenny, Jenny, it's me. It's Jethro. I'm not going to hurt you. Honey, you have to calm down."

Her movements were getting weaker and she wasn't struggling quite as much so he kept talking to her. "Jen I don't know where your mind is right now but you're at home, you're safe. I swear you're safe. I'm not going to let anything happen to you. Jen you need to hear me, please."

Finally her body went limp against him and he turned her slightly to see that her eyes were closed. A moment later they opened and she looked around like she wasn't sure where she was. It was like Tuesday morning all over again, when Gibbs had lost her to a flashback somewhere he couldn't protect her. He loosened his grip and reached for her hand.

"Jenny?" he asked.

"Jethro?" he could hear the confusion and then clarity kicked in and she groaned. "That was not fun."

"Where'd you go?" his voice was quiet and non-threatening.

"Not sure exactly. But I don't want to go back." She shook her head slowly as if trying to clear it. "I don't even know that it was a memory. All I know is that one minute I was enjoying my massage and the next all I wanted to do was get away from your touch because I just knew something bad was going to happen."

"Nothing bad was going to happen while I was around," he assured her, not exactly sure what to do in the aftermath of a flashback.

She held his gaze. "Was it bad?"

"Well," he chuckled, hoping to lighten the moment, "let's just say you haven't forgotten your training."

"Did I get you?" she winced, knowing what a fight might've looked like.

"Nah, but you came close. I am fully confident in your ability to take someone out Jen. Your skills are still pretty sharp."

"Working with Ziva for two years will do that. It was either learn to fight better or not make it out alive."

"Remind me to thank Ziva," he smiled, opening his arms.

Jenny hesitated, watching his eyes. Why she thought they would say anything different this time, she wasn't sure. But she needed to see something different than what she'd read in her attackers eyes. She was pretty sure he didn't have a soul. His eyes had been black and empty, as if bringing pain to others gave pleasure to him. In Gibbs' eyes she read something completely different. That he loved her, that he wanted to help, wanted to comfort. And for that reason alone she closed the distance separating them and laid her head on his shoulder. She just wanted to stop being afraid.


	36. Chapter 36

Around the time most people were getting ready for dinner, Jenny Gibbs managed to convince her husband to go for a walk to the park a few blocks away. Yes, they did have to change. But while Gibbs grumbled the whole time about having to get out of comfy clothes and wear jeans, Jenny was pleasantly surprised to find that she could wear jeans now. She pulled a long-neck sweater on overtop and quickly brushed her hair into a ponytail. Gibbs liked it down better but after him complaining about her putting it up once, she'd told him to try having hair as long as hers and leaving it down all the time. He'd looked in the mirror at his barely grown out military haircut and shut up.

They went downstairs, donned their coats and stepped out into the pleasant evening. Gibbs held out his hand and Jenny took it with barely a pause to think. He was glad. He'd been wondering all afternoon what her flashback would do to the progress he was hoping to make with her. Maybe she was learning to trust him through the memories. That would be good.

Their pace was somewhere between leisurely and brisk. They were too used to walking fast to be able to wander, but neither did they feel the need to speed walk to the park. The shadows were beginning to lengthen as they turned onto the gravel pathway that lead through Francis Scott Key Park. Since it wasn't late by any means for a Saturday, there were still several people and couples with whom they shared the space.

Two bikers whizzed by on the trail. Several people drifted along the path bordering the Potomac River. An older couple sat on one of the benches, watching the ducks floating on the water. A young man was jogging with his dog. A couple in their twenties pushed a stroller, smiling and laughing and talking to their child. It was the serenity of normal life that encompassed all whom they passed that evening. All around them life was going on just as it always had. Jenny needed to see that, to know that her life too would follow that path and eventually things would feel normal again.

Near the end of their circuit of the park was a hotdog vendor. Gibbs looked in that direction and raised his eyebrows at Jenny. Laughing, she nodded and they headed that way. Gibbs dug his wallet out of his pocket and pulled out a couple of bills, handing them to the man and holding up two fingers. When the hot dogs were handed over, Gibbs gave one to Jenny and let her dress it herself, while he smothered his in almost every condiment available, except hot peppers.

They made for a nearby bench and sat to eat their hotdogs.

"Is this your idea of a fine meal Jethro?" Jenny asked after she swallowed. She couldn't seem to keep the smile off her face, even if she had no idea why she was so happy right now.

Gibbs tried to decide if that was a dangerous question or not, women could turn almost any answer into a way to get their husbands in trouble. Finally he shrugged. "Nah, but it is kind of fun."

Jenny wiped her lips with the napkin. "And it's not bad for street meat." She gazed off over the expanse of green, focusing on a couple of boys who were throwing a football around and a little boy playing frisbee with his dog. "Do you remember in Paris Jethro? How we would wander the streets just because we could?" She met his eyes and he nodded, the memories heavy in his mind as well. That had been the beginning for them. She laughed. "And we would buy whatever the vendors were selling off their little carts." Jenny shook her head. "It didn't matter how many fine Parisian restaurants we visited, nothing ever tasted so good as the street food we ate while wandering Paris together."

Gibbs squeezed her hand. "Lots of good memories from back then, Jen."

She looked at him with serious eyes. "And some not so good too."

He knew she wanted to apologize again. They'd been over this ground a hundred times since getting back together last year, but Gibbs knew she still carried a lot of guilt in her heart for what had happened in Paris. It had been hard to remember, but having her with him every day and knowing that this time she wouldn't be going away had helped the hurt to heal.

"Jen..."he started, but she put a finger to his lips.

"Don't say it's alright Jethro. That was the worst mistake of my life and I will forever be sorry for how I hurt you, for what I did and how I left. And more importantly, for how I said goodbye."

Gibbs raised her hand to his lips and kiss the back. "The good memories are stronger than the bad ones Jen. If it wasn't for Paris I might not have you now. And I would do Paris all over again if it meant I still got you in the end."

Jenny blinked back the moisture in her eyes. How did she get so blessed to have him love her like this? So much she didn't deserve and yet she had it anyways. Perhaps God had a hand in how things worked out after all.

When they finished, they headed back towards the park entrance, throwing their napkins in the first garbage can they passed. They headed for home the long way, going the other way around the block. On a corner was a small flower shop and outside a woman was selling roses to passerby. Gibbs slowed to a stop at the shop and held out a bill to the woman, pointing to the red roses sitting in a black bucket. Despite Jenny's protests of what are you doing?, he took the flower and handed it to her.

Jenny gazed at him and shook her head, though her smile belied her protest. She reached for the rose and brought it to her nose, inhaling the delicate fragrance. He was taking her back to Paris, saying that she was forgiven. Their first night in Paris, on their undercover op playing husband and wife, he had stopped at one of the many flower stands that littered the City of Love and bought her one red rose. Back then he was just trying to be romantic, and that was the first time she wondered if there might be something more to their relationship than just junior and senior agent.

Now she had a feeling Jethro knew exactly what the meaning of a single red rose was. It was a way to say I love you. He didn't have to say the words or even reach out and touch her, she could read it in his eyes and she felt so cherished. She signed it back to him before holding out her hand and letting him weave their fingers together. He wasn't going to let her go and Jenny knew it.

**NCIS**

Later but not too late Jenny and Jethro Gibbs could be found cuddled up on the couch together, watching a movie. Jenny may have been completely wrapped up with what was going happening on screen, but Gibbs was pretty wrapped up in the beautiful woman beside him. He had a plan running through his mind. He wasn't necessarily sure it was one of his best ideas and he wasn't even sure if he would get away with it. But he was determined to try.

He wanted to find out what was okay, how could he touch her and not also touch her fear? He didn't like always having to ask, he just wanted to know. So this was an experiment. Gibbs had one arm around his wife, the other was resting on the side of the couch. While Jenny wasn't paying attention, he slowly moved his hand over and rested it on her leg. He felt that she moved her head to look up at him, but he must've been convincing in his pretend concentration on the TV screen, because the look didn't last long. A minute or two later, Jenny placed her hand over his, her fingers tracing his wedding band.

The score for The Experiment now stood with Successes - 1 and Failures - 0. Getting caught of course, would be a failure. Gibbs waited a little longer before trying something else. He moved the arm that was around Jenny as if he were shifting to get more comfortable. In doing so, he brushed the bare back of her neck with his hand. Jenny froze. He thought maybe she'd caught him but he sensed she was more wrestling with herself than wanting to say something to him. He settled his arm back where it had been and after several moments of Jenny being very tense, he felt her start to relax again.

Gibbs added a second category to The Experiment. Okay Touches - 1 and Not Okay Touches - 1. In a little while, he slouched down on the couch a little more and slid his hand from Jenny's leg, up to rest on her stomach. That got notice right away and she made no attempt to be subtle as she picked up his hand and moved it away from her abdomen. Gibbs winced - busted. But Jenny still didn't say anything so either she wasn't angry or she was working out just what to say to him because she was getting angry.

After awhile of sitting in the same position, Jenny got fidgety and turned so she was resting more against the couch than him but draped her bent legs over his lap. Gibbs smiled. He was using to being used as a sofa pillow, Jen really wasn't good at holding still for very long. Seeing as she'd moved and saved him some of the work, he moved his hand to her knee and slowly started rubbing his hand up and down her leg, from her knee to her ankle and back again.

Jenny made an exasperated noise. "Jethro, what are you doing?"

"What?" he tried out his best innocent look which never worked with his wife and he knew it.

She pointed at the offending hand. "This. You seem to be having a hard time keeping your hands to yourself tonight."

The look he gave her conveyed a whole lot more than his words. "Jen," he said slowly, "I always have trouble keeping my hands to myself when there is a gorgeous redhead practically sitting in my lap. Especially one that is my wife."

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Try."

He couldn't exactly tell whether that was an order or a suggestion in her tone. But he knew one way to find out. And if he was wrong, the elbow he'd get in his ribs would not be undeserved. Since he'd already gotten in trouble once, Gibbs decided to practice some of that patience Ducky was talking about and wait a whole lot more than a couple of minutes before making his next move.

Again, Jenny made it easier for him. Completely bored with her current position, Jenny grabbed one of the small while sofa pillows and placed it over his lap, then settled her head on the pillow, one hand under it and sighed contentedly. This she could get used to. Gibbs just looked and then his hand found her arm and he did it again, rubbing up and down her upper arm. This time Jenny put her hand over his to still his movements but she didn't say no.

When he thought she was close to falling asleep, he started running his hand up and down her side, from her rib cage to her hip. He felt the muscles along her side tighten and knew that what he was doing was probably not okay. The last thing he wanted to do was make her want to move or make her unable to relax, so he switched to something he was pretty sure was safe: playing with her hair.

The moment his hand traveled to her hair, Jenny rolled over. "Jethro," her voice was soft but his name was more of a question than a warning.

"I was just going to play with your hair Jen, honest."

She looked at him for another moment, then reached up and tugged the elastic out of her ponytail. She didn't say anything else but he took it as permission. Gibbs loved his wife's hair. He loved the colour, the texture, the length and how beautiful it looked on Jenny. No other colour would quite do justice to his beautiful wife. Moving slowly and gently, he drew his fingers through her hair and ran his hand over it. Back and forth, up and down, knowing it was as relaxing for her as it was for him. After awhile he noticed a change in her breathing and looked down.

There she lay, with her head in his lap, fast asleep. And there was nothing he could do but smile and watch.

**NCIS**

Jenny didn't know exactly what Jethro was up to, but he was having difficulty keeping his hands still. At first it seemed like he was just shifting and changing position as she did. Most of it she didn't mind but he was getting really obvious about the fact that he was trying not to be obvious about it. She thought it was an accident when his fingers brushed her neck and reminded her of other fingers on another hand that weren't so gentle. It had taken a little bit to get away from that thought.

She didn't like it at all when his hand was on her stomach so she simply moved it. But she started to get what he was trying to do, figuring out what she was okay with and what wasn't. She wanted to tell him to keep his hands to himself but after how great he'd been today and in general, that hardly seemed fair. And Kristyn said she should try and get used to being touched again, without pushing too hard. So she let him do some more experimenting, not saying anything when it bothered her but also not having any control over the way her body reacted to his hands on certain areas. It had been hard to relax and focus on the movie with his hands all over her but she tried, wanting to remember when the sensation of his hands on her was a pleasure and not a test.

When Gibbs had reached for her hair, Jenny almost said no but she knew how much he loved her hair. So she gave in and was surprised at how good it felt to have his fingers in her hair. He just played with it, running his fingers through it, all in a very non-threatening way. Without even noticing, Jenny relaxed and then her eyes got heavy. After that she didn't remember anything else.


	37. Chapter 37

Gibbs cell phone woke him up on Sunday morning. He reached for it with his eyes still closed, hoping there wasn't a dead body somewhere.

"Gibbs!" Abby's cheerful voice rang out.

"Abby?" Gibbs asked. "What's wrong?"

"Why would something be wrong?" Abby demanded.

Gibbs was just trying to clear his head so he could think. "You're the one who called me Abby."

"Oh, right." She was silent a moment. "Are you coming Gibbs?"

"Coming where?"

"To church of course!" Abby stated. "Aren't you listening?"

He rubbed his eyes, trying to see the time on the clock. "I'm not sure you've said anything yet Abs."

"Are. You. Coming. To. Church?" she said, pronouncing each word slowly with a pause in between.

Gibbs finally managed to locate the alarm clock. Eight-fifteen. "Yeah Abs," he sighed, "I'm coming. I'll meet you there, okay?"

"Good," he could hear her smile. "I called everyone else too, but nobody was for sure coming. But, I couldn't get ahold of the director. Do you think you could try to call her?"

Gibbs wondered if the girl was fishing. "Something special about this Sunday Abby?"

"It's always a good time to be with people you love. And there's nobody I love more than my team and our fearless leaders. So will you call her?"

Gibbs didn't want to admit to anything and he certainly wasn't going to tell Abby that the director was laying beside him in bed, fast asleep. "I'll see what I can do Abby. No promises. You know how the director is."

"Oh, she'd come if you asked her to Gibbs."

"Abby." His tone was a warning.

"She's invited for lunch too, if she wants."

"Goodbye Abby."

"See you soon Gibbs." And she hung up.

He flipped the phone closed and shook his head. That girl. What was he going to do with her? He put his hand on Jenny's shoulder.

"Jen?"

She rolled over. "Who was on the phone?"

"Abby. Wanted to make sure I was coming to church."

Jenny blinked. "She never calls."

Gibbs looked puzzled as well. "I know. Can't figure it. It's not like I've missed more than a Sunday or two since I got back from Mexico, and they were only because of cases. In which case, Abby got called in as well."

Jenny smiled at him. "Maybe she suspects."

"She knew something last week. I'm almost certain the girl can read my mind sometimes."

She reached up to touch his face. "Isn't that something we all wish we could do? Read the mind of the elusive Leroy Jethro Gibbs."

He leaned down to kiss her, waiting for her to respond. She did and the kiss was sweet. She was smiling when he pulled away.

"Well, that's a nice way to wake up."

"Do you want to come today?"

"Was I invited?"

"Personally. Abs said she called the rest of the team too."

"Oh," Jenny bit her lip, "I can only imagine how pleasant they would be on a Sunday morning. Especially Tony. And that's assuming he ever got to bed last night."

"The boy still thinks he's a college senior," Gibbs growled.

"Give it up Jethro," Jenny encouraged, "he'll never change. He'll always be the same Tony we know...and love to make fun of."

"Be nice Jen. It's Sunday."

"What time is service again?" Jenny asked as Gibbs got out of bed.

"Ten. But we want to be there a little early. Abby will be waiting in the parking lot for us."

She frowned. "Should we got in separate cars?"

"We could get your security detail to deliver you to the church," Gibbs suggested.

Jenny held up her left hand and looked at the rings. "How long should we try and hide it from her?"

"Nothing obvious, but try to keep your hand hidden until lunch."

"She's going to scream."

"Loudly," Gibbs agreed.

Jenny's eyes were sparkling. "This is going to be fun."

He kissed her hand. "It's only the beginning."

"Do you want the shower first?" Jenny asked.

Gibbs shook his head. "Nah, you go first. I'll start the coffee. Maybe run out and grab some bagels from the bakery."

"Mmm, good idea," Jenny smiled. "I'll be quick."

"Take your time. I'll be about fifteen minutes going out anyways."

Jenny looked from her husband to the bathroom, thinking of mornings when they would share the shower. She kept her eyes down, not wanting him to read in them an invitation she just wasn't ready to give yet. "Okay."

Gibbs pulled on jeans and a t-shirt. "See you soon Jen." Then he walked out the door and Jenny hurried to get in the shower.

**NCIS**

Jenny came out of the bathroom, wrapped in her robe with a towel still around her wet hair. She started to leaf through her closet, looking for something appropriate to wear, when she noticed something different about the bed. It was made. She was sure she'd left it the way it was when they'd woken up. Was Jethro back already? But there was more. Laying on her pillow was a single white rose.

Slowly Jen reached over and picked it up. How did he do it? she wondered. How did he know exactly what she needed to hear? A white rose. So she would know he didn't see her as dirty or damaged, but that he believed she was pure and innocent like this flower. Jenny kissed the soft petals, knowing she would do the same thing to her husband the moment he came back upstairs.

Several minutes later when Jenny was drying her hair in the bathroom, she heard his footsteps on the stairs. She moved towards their room and leaned against the door frame, smiling. He came into the room carrying a cup of coffee and a still warm bagel on a plate. As soon as he put them down on the dresser, she moved into his arms and kissed him.

"Thank you," she whispered.

"I wanted you to know I meant it," he said, wrapping his arms around her waist and hugging her. "But, much as I'd love to stand here and keep doing this, I don't want to be late for church or I will hear about it from Abby."

"Go," she said, still smiling. "I love you."

"Always Jen," he said as he headed for the shower.

A little over half an hour later Gibbs was enjoying his coffee and waiting for Jen to finish getting ready and come downstairs. He looked up to see her in the front hall.

"Dressing to impress Jen?"

"Looks like I succeeded," she smiled. She'd chosen a skirt for today, with a long sleeved blouse and a sweater. She didn't want to dress too casual for church and Abby always dressed up. Even Jethro wore a suit when he went, though that might just be a side effect from all the wedding's he'd had in churches that he needed to wear a suit for.

He stood up. "We ready to go?"

Jenny couldn't resist straightening his tie just a little. "I am if you are."

Hand in hand they walked out to the car and drove the twenty-five minutes to Abby's church. It was an old stone, Gothic style church with beautiful stained glass windows all around and large wooden doors. Abby stood at the bottom of the steps with her black lace parasol, waiting for them when they pulled in.

"Gibbs!" she cried, rushing to him for a hug. She looked just as delighted to see Jenny. "Director Sheppard! I'm so glad you could come." She scanned the parking lot one more time. "I guess I wasn't convincing enough on the phone with the others, though I thought for sure McGee would come. He's going to hear about it later," the girl muttered while Jenny smiled and Gibbs tried to decide if they were breaking Rule 12.

They joined the throng of people who were mounting the steps to the church. The bells would begin to peal at ten o'clock precisely, encouraging all last minute worshippers to quicken their steps if they wanted to make it on time. Jenny and Gibbs kept the appropriate distance between them for co-workers, each concealing their wedding rings in different ways. Jenny carried her folded sweater over her hand and Gibbs walked with one hand in his pocket.

They took their seats in the back pew where Abby always sat, staying silent out of reverence for the holy place. Throughout the service there was much standing and sitting and reciting words from the Hymnal with the rest of the congregation. They each sat on one side of Abby, trying not to be obvious about keeping the left hands out of sight. Thankfully Abby was paying too much attention to the service and the way light filtered through the coloured windows to notice.

_A/N: Please keep reading and reviewing! Thanks for all the reviews I've gotten so far. I look forward to hearing what you guys think about the story. I love reviews. Thanks so much!_


	38. Chapter 38

Jenny and Gibbs followed Abby's car to the little diner that always came after Sunday service. They entered the restaurant single file and smiled at Cathy, their usual waitress, as they headed for the small booth they sat at every week. Abby sat first with Jenny across the table. Gibbs started to join his forensic scientist.

"I"ll sit beside you Abs," he volunteered.

"No, no, no," Abby protested with a smile, "sit with the director Gibbs. I wouldn't want her to feel lonely sitting over there all by herself."

Jenny and Gibbs exchanged a fleeting glance and tried to keep from smiling. Subtle Abby was not. Jenny slid over. Gibbs sat down and ordered a coffee when Cathy came over. Jenny went with tea and Abby surprised them by ordering chocolate milk instead of her usual Caf-Pow!

"You can blow bubbles in chocolate milk," Abby explained nonchalantly.

They opened their menus. "What looks good Abby?" Gibbs asked.

"Gibbs," Abby sounded indignant, "how can you even ask that? Breakfast of course!"

"Of course Abby," Jenny smiled.

Abby scanned the menu quickly out of habit and snapped it closed. "Omelette," she smiled, satisfied.

Jenny looked over the choices. "I don't know..." she said uncertainly.

"Ooh, Director," Abby lit up, "you should totally get the M&M pancakes. They are divine. McGee and I shared them last time we came." She closed her eyes at the memory.

Gibbs glared at her. "You and McGee?"

Abby opened her eyes quickly. "It's not what you think Gibbs, honest."

"And what am I thinking Abby?"

"That we're breaking Rule 12." Her eyes were wide, her hands flying to keep up with her explanation. "But we're not, I swear. He just...came to church with me. That's all. And then we had to go out for lunch afterwards. It's tradition."

"Gonna have a talk with McGee tomorrow," Gibbs muttered darkly. Jenny just shook her head at him. _Overprotective father/anal boss_, she thought with a small smile.

Just then the waitress arrived with their drinks and the subject was dropped. Gibbs decided now was a good time to let Abby in on their secret, before she had a chance to choke on her chocolate milk. He reached for his coffee with his left hand and Jenny picked up her spoon in the same hand to stir her tea. Abby took a long draw from her straw with her eyes closed to savour the moment. When she looked at them, they were smiling like they knew something she didn't.

"What?" she frowned and reached up. "Are my ponytail buns crooked?" Then she saw Gibbs' ring and her eyes immediately flickered to Jenny's hand where the stones on her engagement ring sparkled in the light. "What?" she asked. Then a huge smile split her face and she wriggled with happiness and slanted her eyes at Gibbs. "Is this a good time to use my second question?"

He laughed and reached for Jenny's hand, which she held, smiling.

"Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh!" Abby shrieked. "I can't believe it. When? How? Oh, I am so happy for you!"

She jumped out of her seat to tackle Gibbs with a hug that he'd anticipated and stood for. Jenny slid over too and received a crushing Abby hug. Abby fell back into her seat laughing.

"This is so great! Mommy and Daddy are finally together! Wait until I tell the others!"

"Abby," Gibbs warned, "they get to find out tomorrow."

"But Gibbs," Abby looked crestfallen, "I can't tell anyone?"

"We'd prefer if you kept it between us for now Abby," Jenny put in gently.

Abby sighed heavily. "Alright. But you're ruining all my fun, just so you know." In an instant though, her smile was back. "So...how many questions do I get?"

Gibbs shook his head at her. "Three Abby, then we'll need to order. Cathy isn't sure what to do with us right now." He nodded his head towards their waitress who was standing off to the side, unsure if she should interrupt.

"Okay." Abby closed her eyes for a moment, counting on her fingers. "When?"

Jenny and Gibbs looked at each other, feeling like newlyweds again with all the excitement.

"Seven months," Gibbs confirmed.

Abby's mouth fell open. "Seven months? And you didn't tell us? Wow, way to show the love. Then again," she considered the answer, "I guess we fail in the observation department. Why not tell?"

Jenny smiled knowingly. "Rule 18. The best way to keep a secret, keep it to yourself."

Abby crossed her arms over her chest. "Oh, you would use the rules, something I can't even argue with."

"Last question Abs?" Gibbs asked, knowing she probably had a hundred. Slowly her smile returned and the couple wondered if they should be worried. No telling what was going on in that cute black head of hers.

"So," she wiggled her eyebrows at them meaningfully, "how's married life?"

Both Jenny and Gibbs started laughing. "Married life is great. Always nice to know we can come home to each other."

"And I bet the perks aren't bad either," she said under her breath.

Cathy chose that moment to show up at their table. "All ready to order folks?" She wasn't sure why they laughed.

"Sure," Gibbs said.

"I'd like an omelette with mushrooms, hot peppers, cheese and spinach," Abby began. "With an order of bacon and toast on the side."

Jenny decided to go with an earlier suggestion. "M&M pancakes, I guess," she shrugged.

"Belgian waffles with bacon and toast as well, thank you Cathy," Gibbs finished, handing over their menus.

The waitress looked back and forth between them. "Abby," she said, for she recognized the girl after seeing her each week, "I've often seen you in here with your father," they all tried not to smile, "but I don't believe I've ever met your mother."

"Close enough," Gibbs muttered as Jenny gave up trying to explain and offered her hand.

"Jenny."

"Pleased to meet you," the waitress smiled. "It's always so nice to see such a happy family out together."

When she was a safe distance away, their table erupted into laughter.

"Does that make it official?" Abby gasped when she could breathe.

Gibbs sighed. "I don't know if I want to claim the rest of them."

Jenny put her hand on his cheek. "Too late Jethro. They're family. I guess we're all stuck with each other."

"Yay!" Abby exclaimed, attracting a couple looks from nearby tables. Then she put on her best innocent look and smiled at Gibbs. "So, what does this revelation do to Rule 12?"

Gibbs face went slack a moment before he pulled himself together, glared at his wife who was trying not to laugh and said gruffly, "Rule still stands."

"Just not quite as enforceable," Abby giggled, blowing a couple inches of bubbles into her chocolate milk. Suddenly a thought hit her and she fell back against the bench. "Oh guys," she whispered, "what about what happened to the director? Does being married make it easier or harder? I'm sorry," she shook her head, feeling insensitive. "For a moment I almost forgot."

Jenny leaned forward and put her hand over the girl's. "It's alright Abby. Life still goes on. But in answer to your question..." she glanced at her husband.

"A little bit of both," he finished for her. "And that was four questions."

Their breakfast arrived then and there was no more talk about what happened. Abby bounced back quick enough and kept up a steady stream of chatter for the rest of their meal. At the end Gibbs left some money on the table and escorted both of his ladies outside. It was a gorgeous day. The sun was shining, the temperature decent and everywhere people were out enjoying it.

At her car, Abby asked one more time. "Are you sure I can't tell anyone? Like, no one? Not even Jethro?" she offered, referring to McGee's dog.

Jenny raised an eyebrow. "If you told Jethro wouldn't that technically be like telling McGee?"

Abby studied the ground at her feet. "Only if you get really picky about the details."

"Try to hold it in Abs," Gibbs said, realizing that was pretty much like asking the sun not to shine.

Abby looked resigned. "Fine." Then she smiled again. "Group hug?"

The couple wrapped their arms around their "daughter" and said goodbye. "Behave Abby," Gibbs said, pointing his finger at her as she got in the car. She just smiled at him and he wasn't convinced.

"Oh, tomorrow is going to be awesome!" Abby smiled to herself. "I'd kill for a video camera when Tony finds out. All of his bets and he never saw that one coming. I bet Ducky knew, Gibbs can't keep a secret from him. Hmm..." she drove home trying to figure out who she could tell without breaking the rules.


	39. Chapter 39

Gibbs put his arm around Jenny's shoulders after Abby left. "Let's do something today."

"What did you have in mind?" she asked with a smile.

"You'll see," was all he would say.

They drove home and changed into jeans and t-shirts, Jenny following her husband's lead for what to wear. She pulled her hair back in a braid and slipped on running shoes. They got back in the car and headed out, Gibbs holding her hand gently the whole time. Not too much later they pulled into the BCC Baseball batting cages. Jenny aimed a surprised look at her husband.

"Jethro?" she questioned. "You do remember that I am sports challenged?"

He grinned. "Your job is to spectate," he told her. "And my job is to impress."

They appropriated one of the cages and Gibbs stepped in confidently while Jenny stood behind the fence to watch. He fed some money into the machine, grabbed a bat and took up his position. As the first ball came hurtling out, Gibbs took aim. WHACK! He knocked it almost out of sight. He glanced over his shoulder and grinned smugly at his wife.

"Show off," she said in a gentle voice.

"That?" he shook his head. "That was just the warm up. Watch this."

The next few balls came whipping out at breakneck speed and Gibb's bat connected solidly with each of them. He gave the machine more money and upped the speed. This time he missed a couple but refused to back down. What he knew but couldn't tell Jenny was that he wasn't just trying to earn her admiration for his sport's skills. It had been five days since he'd last worked on his boat and there'd been a lot of emotional ups and downs. He needed this release badly, to let some of the tension drain away that had been building up inside him again.

After ripping through about fifteen pitches, he turned back to his wife. "Wanna learn?"

Jenny shook her head, eyes wide. "That would not be a good idea. Just another easy way to get a concussion."

"Oh, come on," he coaxed, "you know I wouldn't let you hurt yourself. It's fun. You're missing out."

Jenny, still looking reluctant, opened the cage door and joined her husband inside. He showed her how to hold the bat, then stood behind her with his arms around her and hands over hers to help her with her swing. Jenny smiled as the real reason for this "lesson" dawned on her. Jethro just didn't want her four feet away watching, not when he could have her this close. Her husband fed a few more coins into the machine and turned the speed down slow enough that she hopefully wouldn't be intimidated.

She jerked backwards and missed the first one, not entirely keen on having a baseball flying at her head no matter what the speed. But Gibbs solid body behind her was a comfort and she knew he knew what he was doing, so she proved her trust and held steady for the next shot. This one was also a miss but at least she didn't move. For the third pitch Gibbs helped her line it up and when the ball came whizzing out at her, Jenny swung the bat as hard as she could, pleasantly surprised to hear a satisfying CRACK! as the ball soared off into the near distance.

Turning around, she smiled big at her husband.

"Felt good, didn't it?"

"Intimidating, but good," Jenny agreed. "Still, I don't think I'll try out for the All-Stars anytime soon."

Gibbs chuckled and slung his arm around her neck, guiding her out of the cage. "Game for more or should we try for something else?"

"I'll watch you knock a few more out of the park," Jenny said, pleased to be able to watch him.

"As you wish," Gibbs smiled, remembering the line from _The Princess Bride_. Last Valentine's Day Abby had made them all sit down and watch it with her in the squadroom, even Jenny, declaring it one of the best love story movies ever. It certainly wasn't Gibbs' thing to watch a chick flick but who could say no to Abby? Plus he had the added bonus of sitting in the last row of chairs with Jenny and holding her hand in the dark. Tony, of course, annoyed them with an endless supply of trivia about the movie until Ziva punched him in the arm and threatened worse if he didn't shut his yap. They had tried not to laugh. The way she twisted American idioms was just part of who she was, the Ziva they knew and loved.

This time Jenny wasn't so much focused on her husband hitting the ball, but how he looked as he did it. She admired his muscled physique, how his tan arms tensed as he swung the bat, and the motion of his legs - his body all in perfect sync. She sighed. She certainly had married one handsome man. Add to his great body those ice blue eyes and that dashing silver hair...it was no wonder he turned heads. Looking down at her hand, Jenny twisted her rings so that they were facing the proper way, so glad that wearing those meant Jethro was hers and no one else's._ Now if I can just put everything behind me and get back to us_, she thought wistfully.

When Gibbs breathing sounded laboured and his muscles began to quiver from exertion, he decided it was time to do something else. Jenny was happy to oblige, pleased that today she was happy as long as she was with her husband. _May no bad thoughts intrude,_ she hoped, though it might've been a prayer.

"What next?" she asked, wrapping an arm around Gibbs' waist and matching his steps.

"Hmm..." Gibbs pondered the question. It was mid-afternoon, too soon to think about dinner. The he smiled. "Why don't we play tourist for a couple hours?"

Jenny looked puzzled. "What do you mean?"

"What? The word tourist get a new definition? I'm serious! Let's play Paris. Us, wandering the streets, seeing the city through the eyes of young lovers, enjoying the sights as if we've never seen them before."

"Did you get too much sun?" Jenny asked, a little surprised. This man did not sound like her husband. He sounded like the love struck agent that had wandered around Paris with her for months, absorbed solely in his mission and her.

Gibbs leaned down and whispered in her ear. "Just because it's been almost eight years doesn't mean I forgot. Come on Jen," he sweet-talked her, "play Paris with me."

Jenny shook her head but couldn't resist the eagerness on her husband's face. "Okay," she agreed. "Show me DC."

That was all the invitation Gibbs needed. He escorted her to the car, opening her door like a perfect gentleman. Jenny played along.

"Why thank you sir."

Gibbs headed for the White House first. He parked a couple blocks away, offered his elbow to Jenny and strutted off like a proud peacock. When they first approached the building, it was too familiar, there was no sense of awe one might feel upon seeing it for the first time. So they stood on the sidewalk in the exact middle of their view of the landmark and Gibbs stood behind Jenny, putting his hands over her eyes.

"Close your eyes Jen. Remember the history that goes with this place. The President lives here, his decisions effect our nation. It was burned down once but remains standing today, a symbol of America. Imagine the lives lived here - George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, John F. Kennedy. Now, open your eyes and tell me what you see."

Jenny loved listening to her husband's voice, loved what he was trying to do, to make this exciting for her. Everything he spoke she pictured in her mind. When he removed his hands, she opened her eyes. "Oh," she breathed, taking it all in, the same scene she'd seen a minute before but with so much more meaning, "I see something amazing."

"So do I," Gibbs whispered into her hair.

Next stop was the Capitol, where they admired the beautiful architecture, thinking about how the principles their nation lived by were decided here. Of course playing tourists, they had to go to the National Mall. They rode the elevator to the top of the Washington Monument and Jenny leaned forward, looking at the view of her city in all it's glory. They climbed the steps of the Lincoln Memorial where a huge statue of the beloved former president sat watch over the city he'd loved. They wandered silently around the room, reading the Gettysburg Address and Lincoln's second Inaugural Address, feeling the words with new strength, reading them as they were spoken and not as dry dust from a history book.

When they passed by the Zoological Park, Jenny insisted they go inside, just for a little while. Gibbs protested the whole way but loved how her face lit up when she saw her favourite animals. She especially loved the panda bears, which were a big draw for people and talked about them all the way out. Apparently she'd done a presentation on pandas for a class in college and now knew all sorts of interesting facts about them. Gibbs was so amused by the whole thing that he stopped at the gift shop by the exit and bought Jenny a stuffed panda.

At first she laughed and then she looked at him with shining eyes. "Thank you Jethro."

"Sure Jen," he smiled. "So, what are you going to call it?" He didn't get it but Jenny loved to collect stuffed animals from their special memories and she put a great deal of thought into each name.

Jenny sent him a teasing glare. "First of all, it's a he, not an it. And I think I will call him..." she considered for a moment, "LJ."

"What? Jen!" Gibbs protested.

"What's wrong?" Jenny asked. "It's a compliment."

"Not so sure," Gibbs grumbled. "First Abby names a dog after me and then a stuffed panda?" He crossed his arms. "I think my manliness is being challenged."

Jenny leaned close and whispered in his ear. "Not a chance. Now don't pout and spoil our fun. What else can you show me?"

Gibbs took her hand and led her back to the car. This time their stop was the International Spy Museum. It was more of a joke really, going back to their undercover days when they fancied themselves spies after the greats. There was a crazy amount of exhibits, a spy game one could play by adopting a spy identity and learning the game of spying. It seemed more geared to children although the real history inside the stories was fascinating. Gibbs and Jenny wandered along the walls looking at all the spy gadgets like umbrellas that were pistols and dead rats that actually had been used as microphones. It was silly and a little crazy and completely wonderful to be wandering through the eclectic building, holding hands like they were teenagers on a date again.

They were a bit quieter as they saw again the Arlington National Cemetery. They walked the rows upon rows of names, stood by the eternal flame lit at the grave of John F. Kennedy and held a moment of silence beside the tomb of the unknown solider. Jenny felt a particular kinship with the man who had fought a war, fallen in battle and been buried as a tribute to the faceless fighters that believed in freedom and honour and bravery.

"I wish somebody had known his name," she whispered sadly.

Gibbs understood. No one should die unrecognized and have no loved ones to mourn him. "He was fighting for what he believed Jen. His reward is the tribute from a grateful nation, however little that seems when one feels forgotten."

Jenny nodded. "I wonder if that's why soldiers wear dog tags now, so they will never be unremembered."

"I'm sure that's as good a reason as any Jenny," he responded, not wanting to make light of her sadness but not wanting it to ruin their evening either. "Hey, we still have one more place to go and then we should find a place to eat."

Jenny looked up, the moment broken. "Okay. Where to next?"


	40. Chapter 40

He drove her to Georgetown, the quaint neighbourhood she'd grown up not far from and had been to dozens of times. But just like everything else, tonight it was different. They walked hand in hand down the cobblestone paths in a piece of history build two hundred years before. They checked out different little stores and window shopped and people watched for over an hour. In the window of a small gallery, a colourful painting caught Jenny's eye and she tugged on Gibbs' hand to get him to stop.

"Isn't that beautiful?" she said softly.

The painting was a scene in France, Paris to be exact. The lower arch of the Eiffel Tower was just visible, but under it and almost through a tunnel, was a snapshot of the city at night. They stood before it, leaning on each other, remembering nights when they watched the city sleep as they sat beside the real Tower, deeply in love and caring what no one else thought of them.

"It's almost like we're there again," he said softly, memories taking over.

Jenny turned to face him. "Jethro," she whispered, "I'm not sure we ever left." She tilted her face to his and he was happy to grant her request. He put his hands on her face and captured her mouth with his, making the kiss soft and full of love, with just a hint of the passion that ignited him every time he touched her.

She pulled back first and blinked. "Wow."

"Yeah," he smiled. "Me too." He held out his hand. "Ready?"

"For what?"

"Dinner."

Jenny checked her watch. It was almost seven o'clock. Late for most normal people but right on time for them. Gibb directed the car towards Chinatown and she waited with anticipation, wondering where he might be taking her. Finally they pulled into a parking spot in front of The Matchbox restaurant. Jenny couldn't recall ever having been there and wondered if they would be underdressed in their t-shirts and jeans, but Gibbs, comfortable in anything, led the way as if that were the least of their worries.

"Party of two?" the hostess asked.

"Yes," Gibbs answered. "A booth upstairs please."

The young lady smiled. "Right this way."

They mounted the dark wood steps until they reached the upper level two flights later. It was bright and open but just small enough to be cozy. And though Jenny thought they should be dressed a little nicer, she didn't feel like a total outcast. The girl left them with menus and a promise that their waitress would be right with them. Jenny pored over the menu, excited to be eating out but unsure if she would be able to eat enough to make the price worthwhile. In the meantime Gibbs scanned his menu but kept his attention focused on his wife, truly thankful for the best they'd had in over a week and glad they'd finally taken time to be out together. So many times they just stayed home. Nothing wrong with that of course, but there was something to be said for leaving the house and enjoying the world with one's favourite person.

Gibbs ran his finger lightly over the back of Jenny's hand. "What looks good?"

"Lots," she grinned, "but I think I'll go for one of the salads. You?" He just sat there and smiled. She shook her head. "Why do I even ask. Steak, right?"

"Predictability can be a strength."

"Only if you are in the bathroom when she comes to take our order," Jenny retorted.

The waitress arrived a minute later and they were able to give their drink and meal orders at the same time.

"Prime New York Strip for me," Gibbs replied in answer to her question. "Medium rare."

"And for you?" the waitress asked, turning to Jenny.

"The Grilled Tuna Salad, but without pine nuts, thank you."

"Very good," she said and hurried away to place their orders.

Jenny settled back into the padded booth wall and sighed. It was so nice to spend a relaxing evening out with her husband in the real world instead of in the confines of that which she considered safe. She smiled at Gibbs.

"What are you thinking?"

His smile was slow but grew. "That it has been a really good day."

"I second that," she said lightly, directing her gaze out the window where the light was slowly fading as the sun sank lower in the sky.

Dinner came and as expected, was delicious. Jenny honestly enjoyed hers but had a hard time even finishing half of it. She saw the concern in Jethro's eyes but didn't know what to tell him. Her stomach just refused to return to normal, even after an entire week. When they finally pushed their plates away and Jenny requested to take home the rest of hers, Gibbs looked at her again.

"Dessert?"

"I'd love to, I'm just not sure it would be worth it for the little I would eat," she admitted, feeling badly.

He stopped her. "It's always worth it with you Jen." Her eyes thanked him for being so kind. He turned to their hovering waitress. "A piece of pecan pie to split. You can bring the bill with it."

A few minutes later a modest slice of pecan pie with a bourbon butter sauce and a scoop of vanilla gelato appeared on their table. Jenny picked up her fork, heading straight for the Italian ice cream. She took a big chunk and licked it slowly.

"Oh, I am so going back to Europe just to get some more of this stuff," she declared.

"Pricey flight just for dessert Jen."

She gave him a look that said he clearly didn't understand the importance of dessert for women. "Only a man who cannot truly appreciate the value of chocolate would say that."

He frowned. "And chocolate has what to do with this conversation?"

"Keep up mister," she grinned, loving when all the girl talk stuff threw him off. She bit into the pecan pie which wasn't her favourite kind but very well made anyways. "Enjoy Jethro, that pie can be your chocolate."

Gibbs indulged in the still warm dessert. When they finished and he'd only gotten a taste of the gelato, he counted some bills out of his wallet. The food was in the upper price range but good and worth the quiet atmosphere. He put his hand on the small of Jenny's back to lead her out, but felt the way she stiffened and was surprised. The touch issue hadn't come up at all today. Still, out of respect for her sensitivity, he held out his hand instead and after a moment where she seemed very far away, Jenny accepted the gesture with a grateful look.

When they exited the building, Gibbs turned her to face him. "I hardly got any of that gelato for dessert," he complained.

"Oh?" Jenny lifted an eyebrow. "And what would you like me to do about that?"

"I was thinking that since you hogged it, I could at least get a taste."

Her lips cured into an alluring smile and he could swear he saw her blush. She stood on tiptoes to reach his lips but let him make the first move. Gibbs kept the kiss short but meaningful, hoping for more later. When she pulled away he teased, "Is that all I get?"

Jenny seemed to be mulling over his question carefully. "Maybe there will be more waiting for you at home," she said softly, nervous about making the offer.

Gibbs could tell that she was giving him what she could right now and he appreciated the effort he knew went into what she'd said. He pulled her close as they walked back to the car. "One more surprise and then maybe I'll take you up on that."

"There's more?" Jenny's eyes widened. "Did I forget an anniversary?"

"Look here lady, I do not need an excuse or a special occasion to spend an enjoyable afternoon spoiling my wife. Now get in the car or we're going to be late."

Laughing at his exasperation, Jenny obeyed and soon they found themselves back near the National Mall. Jenny could see a crowd of people that had gathered by the fountain which was lit up with lights. Suddenly she knew what they were doing.

"Oh Jethro, is this the Moonlight Monument Tour? I've always wanted to go to this."

His face reflected her happiness. "We probably won't stay for the whole thing, but let's tag along for a little while."

They did. They followed the group to four or five of the most famous monuments, enjoying the way the light changed the whole look of something they'd seen in the daytime. Gibbs noticed Jenny wasn't completely relaxed. Being outside at night was still nerve wracking for her, since it had been nighttime when she was kidnapped. She held tight to his hand and kept looking over her shoulder as if expecting a monster or the boogeyman to jump out, trying to get her. After awhile he put his arm around her and held her close, reassuring her without words that danger would not get near her with him around.

Jenny enjoyed her last surprise but was glad to get back to the safety and familiarity of her childhood home. They entered the dark house and Gibbs made quick work of turning lights on. They stood in the hallway almost awkwardly for a minute before Jenny started edging upstairs.

"I think I'll get my pyjamas on," she announced into the air.

Knowing that was as close to an invitation as he was going to get, Gibbs made sure they were locked in for the night, turned off the downstairs lights and followed his wife upstairs. Jenny still changed in the bathroom, away from him and he tried to focus on understanding her need for privacy still, while he struggled with how much he wanted to feel her body under his hands. He didn't know how much she was offering tonight, but after over a week, he would take whatever she could willingly give. And nothing more.


	41. Chapter 41

He changed while he waited for her and settled on the bed. Jenny came out of the bathroom with her clothes rolled into a ball, looking nervous. She joined him on the bed but sat slightly away from him. Her body was tense but she wasn't afraid, just unsure of where to begin. They'd be starting something they wouldn't be able to finish and she wasn't sure if her husband could be content with just a taste of what he wanted. She fiddled with the end of her braid, avoiding his eyes.

Gibbs could guess some of what was going through Jenny's mind and he forced himself to be patient. Even in long sleeved pyjamas with very little extra skin showing, she was still the most beautiful woman around. Gently he pulled the braid from her fingers and tugged the elastic out. While Jenny sat cross-legged on the bed, so much like the first night she was home, Gibbs slowly undid the braid and combed his fingers through her long, red hair.

Jenny's eyes drifted closed and she focused on his movement, he knew how to be gentle. When most of the tangles were gone, he pushed her hair to one side and kissed the bottom of her neck. Jenny stilled for a moment, gathering her courage, then she turned as if looking back over her shoulder, and met his lips with hers. Gibbs hand came and settled on her neck, his thumb just under her ear. He took control of the moment, deepening the kiss and holding on until they both were in serious need of air.

While they were catching their breath, Gibbs lifted the covers and slid underneath them. Jenny hesitated, knowing moving from a sitting position to a lying down position would just make it harder to say no, but she trusted him to let her say when they had to stop. She moved under the covers too, laying on her side. Gibbs leaned over and just brushed his lips over hers, but the next moment he'd rolled her onto her back and the kiss had gone from innocent to passionate, almost before she could blink.

Moving more by instinct than conscious thought, Jenny pushed her fingers through Gibbs hair and felt extra pressure as his body came to rest almost on top of hers. It was the beginning of the end, Jenny knew where this would lead. Kiss after kiss, always trying to get their bodies closer to each other. When her husband started kissing her face and moved to her neck, Jenny felt the panic start to build. Her body craved his nearness but her mind was screaming that it was too soon, too soon.

Breathing hard and wanting this, wanting to be with him even though she knew she couldn't handle intimacy yet, Jenny pulled away.

"Jethro," she whispered, trying to catch her breath. He hit the spot on her neck that always drove her crazy and she moaned softly, but managed to get her hands up and she put pressure on his chest, holding him away from her.

Gibbs body protested as he stopped his caresses. "Jen?" he asked, trying to get himself under control, which was easier said than done. It was clear from their actions that they missed each other and it was so hard to be patient when she was this close. But she needed to be able to trust that he would follow her lead, so very reluctantly, Gibbs moved off of his wife.

Jenny looked pained and closed her eyes. "Not yet Jethro, I'm sorry, but not yet."

Gibbs took a deep breath, trying to clear his head. He coughed, desire making his voice rough. "It's okay Jen," he sighed, pulling her close just to hold her. "We'll wait." He pressed a kiss to her hair. "I love you."

She could feel it at her back, how fast his heart was beating and her body quivered with the desire she was not yet free to give into. There was no way to relax when they were this close. She moved away from him.

"I-I need a glass of water," she said, needing an excuse to get out of bed.

In the bathroom she did take a drink and several deep breaths trying to calm down. She missed her husband. She wanted to be with him. Jenny felt like it had been months instead of just over a week since they'd last been together that way. But the memories didn't let her relax about the idea and she wasn't even certain that she was completely healed on the inside yet. Of course, there was really no way to know until they tried something but when would she be up for that? Just making out with him set all of her nerves on fire, how would she handle any more?

Finally she made her way back into their room. She slipped back into bed, keeping her distance from Jethro. She was too sensitive to his touch right now. She looked into his eyes, dark with desire, and found respect for the amount of restraint he was showing.

"Thank you," she whispered, as she lay down on her side, just out of reach.

"Oh Jen," her name was almost a groan, "this is a lot harder than I thought."

"I know," she felt the same way. "Maybe we shouldn't...do that again...until I'm ready for the rest."

Gibbs shook his head. "I can take it. I don't want to give up what we can do."

"Okay," Jenny was unsure. "Well, goodnight."

"Night." Gibbs rolled on his back and stared up at the ceiling. He really wished he had his boat to work on right now. Today had been perfect but tonight, not exactly what he'd hoped for. _Maybe next time_, he thought, disappointed that Jenny had settled on the other side of the bed but not trusting himself if she were closer. He blew out a breath, focusing on tomorrow. Lots going on, he'd better get to sleep.

**NCIS**

"Abby! Use your key!" McGee called when he heard the thumping on his door at midnight. He'd given her a key after the third time she'd shown up at his apartment in the middle of the night.

The thumping continued. "McGee!" her muffled voice called desperately through his door.

"Fine," he yelled, getting up from his desk. He wasn't getting any more writing done tonight.

He opened the door and Abby stumbled in, arms loaded down with a pillow, movie, a small bag and a Caf-Pow! He raised an eyebrow.

"Moving in Abby?"

"Are you offering McGee?" she teased.

They'd agreed that this time, if they decided to be together, it would be for real. No playing house or fooling around before they promised forever.

McGee shook his head at her. "Why do you always come over when most normal people are asleep?"

"Because I'm not normal people and you're hardly ever asleep when I come so I guess you aren't either. Plus, it's more fun this way." She grinned and he gave up.

McGee eyed the Caf-Pow! she was sucking on. "How many have you had today Abbs?"

"What?" she asked. "Oh, you know, five...or six maybe since after church."

"And you wonder why you don't sleep," he muttered.

Jethro padded out of the bedroom and Abby knelt down to fuss over him. "Hey Jethro! Who's a good boy? I've missed you handsome!" she scratched behind his ears and looked up at McGee. "Sorry Tim, but he'll always be my favourite."

"I hate losing out to my dog," McGee pouted, but it was all for show. "Did the boss go to church with you this morning?"

Abby stood up and punched him in the arm. "Of course he came McGee. Gibbs would never stand me up on a Sunday. Unlike somebody," she glared.

"Ow," Tim rubbed his arm. "I'm sorry Abby. But will you let me explain? It's not my fault. Jethro," he pointed at his dog, "had to go out just after I was ready to come. Well, long story short his aim was off and I had to change and clean up and by then I would've been late."

"Don't blame my poor, sweet puppy dog for that!" she gasped. "You could've still come to lunch. You should've too. You missed a lot."

"Abby," McGee said slowly, hoping she wouldn't take it the wrong way, "I'm not really that comfortable 'hanging out' with Gibbs. He's my boss. He's not my...friend."

Abby did not look happy. "How can you say that McGee? Gibbs is sweet and a good guy. Maybe a little rough around the edges, but he loves us!"

"You maybe," McGee said.

"Aww, Timmy," Abby wrapped her arms around him. "I love you."

He smiled and hugged her back. "I know Abbs. So, what did I miss at lunch?"

Abby bit her lip. "Well...the director came today." She was wrestling with her conscience about whether she could tell or not.

McGee shook his head slowly. "Don't get your hopes up Abby. Gibbs and the director...I mean, maybe they had something a long time ago, but these days...it's just work with them."

Abby stifled a smile. "But McGee, you should've seen the looks they were giving each other. I think they're in love."

He laughed. "Abby, you've got a great imagination and you're a hopeless romantic and I love you for it but I think you're reading way too much into this."

Abby finally made her decision. _I didn't promise_, she reasoned. "Yeah?" she said, hand on her hip. "So I suppose the wedding rings they were wearing were just figments of my imagination?"

"Definitely a hallucination," McGee joked until he saw the look in Abby's eyes. She was dead serious. "That what?" he asked. "Wedding rings? Are you serious? Abby, are you sure?"

She jumped up and down and clapped her hands like a little girl as a smile took over her features. "Yes! And I know they're going to tell tomorrow but I couldn't wait to tell you and I didn't exactly promise I would keep it a secret. But you'd better still act surprised tomorrow or Gibbs will know."

McGee was still trying to wrap his mind around her revelation. "So...Gibbs and the director are...married?"

"Seven months McGee."

"Wow. The rings?" he wondered if he'd missed something.

"Haven't worn them before. That I would've noticed even if I was blind."

McGee blinked. "I can't even picture that. I mean, Gibbs is Gibbs and the director...she's our boss. It's just too weird."

"It's not weird McGee. I think it's very romantic," she sighed. "A secret relationship. A long lost love." Abby clasped her hands. "It's perfect." She looked back at McGee. "Well, are you going to watch _The Princess Bride_ with me or not?"

"Oh Abby," McGee groaned, "not again." He looked at the clock. "You do realize it's after midnight and we both have to be up early tomorrow for work?"

"Come on McGee," Abby wheedled. "Live a little. Please?" She batted her eyes at him and laughed.

Tim put his arm around Abby's shoulders and kissed her hair. "Alright Abby. But we'll have to make popcorn. And," he pulled the plastic red and white cup out of her hands even as she reached for it, "I'm cutting you off so you can actually sleep after the movie. I'll take the couch, there's no way I'm sending you home alone that late."

"I've been out by myself at night before McGee," Abby informed him. "Plus, I like to sleep on couches. Or, we could just share."

"The couch?" McGee asked, slightly confused.

"No silly!" Abby pushed him. 'Your bed."

"Abby," he warned.

"Not like that McGee," she grinned. "Just sleep, promise."

"We'll see," he rolled his eyes. She had no idea what she did to him. "Go," he turned her towards his living room, "I'll start the popcorn."

"You're the best McGee," Abby smiled as she gathered her pillow and headed for his couch with Jethro following on her heels. McGee was her best friend and...she was pretty sure she was awfully close to loving him more than she loved puppies. Now when would he realize the same?

_A/N: I'm going to be away for the rest of this week so I'm afraid postings will probably be few and far between. But hopefully I will be able to catch up Monday afternoon. Thanks for reading and reviewing guys, it's so great to hear the feedback and I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to do that. Have a great week!_


	42. Chapter 42

Jenny woke up the next morning on her side, with Jethro's arm draped over her waist. She smiled. He never could stand for her to be on the other side of the bed. He probably would've been happy for them to share a single bed instead of the queen in her room. Lifting her head off the pillow slightly, Jenny caught a glimpse of the alarm clock. 0600, time for them both to be up, unfortunately. She put her hand over his and whispered his name.

"Jethro."

As if sensing the reason, Gibbs moved closer to her and tucked his head in beside hers. Jenny flinched, rolled over to get out of that position, and turned to face him.

"Wake up silly, or we'll be late for work."

"You'll be late for work," he mumbled. "I can be ready in ten minutes."

He tried to pull her closer but Jenny resisted. "If you insist on being difficult, I'm leaving."

Gibbs' eyes popped open and he frowned. "Leaving to go where?" he demanded.

She suppressed a grin. He obviously wasn't quite awake yet. And she remembered he was sensitive to the word 'leaving'. "The shower."

"Oh." He dropped his head back on the pillow. "Okay." Any other day Gibbs would've wanted an invitation to join her, but today was different. He was thinking of something else they could try tonight, if she was willing. He'd have to wait and see how the day went.

Jenny slipped out of bed and headed to the bathroom. Gibbs waited until he heard the shower turn on and reached for Jenny's cell phone. Dialing the direct line for her office, he waited until Cynthia picked up.

"Director Sheppard's office," she answered in a crisp, professional voice.

"Cynthia. Gibbs." He heard her barely audible sigh.

"Special Agent Gibbs, what can I do for you?"

"I need a favour," he grinned. "And I assure you, the Director will be pleased."

**NCIS**

"Ohhh..." Tony groaned, laying his head on his desk.

Ziva, who was across the bullpen checking her email, barely glanced up. "What's wrong now Tony?"

He lifted his head slightly. "Like you care."

She rolled her eyes. "Were you too busy this weekend chasing dresses to get any sleep?"

"They're called skirts, Zee-vah," Tony corrected. "And no, actually. I was hanging out with my fraternity brothers."

"Ahh," Ziva smiled. "So you were drinking."

"Maybe. A little. Okay, or a lot."

"And did Abby call and wake you up on Sunday morning to ask about church?"

"Yes," Tony whined. "You?"

"She called, yes, but I was already awake."

"Of course you were."

At that moment, Tony jerked up in his chair, shocked at the unexpected headslap. "Wha...? Oh, hey Boss."

"DiNozzo! This is not a napping room. Either get to work or leave and don't come back."

"Getting to work Boss."

Ziva's eye caught a flash of something as Gibbs took off his coat and headed up to the director's office with two cups of coffee.

"Tony," she hissed. "Did you see that?"

"See what?" he muttered, putting his suit jacket on and fumbling with his keyboard.

"Gibbs!"

"I didn't see him," Tony said darkly, "but I sure felt his presence." He rubbed the back of his head.

"No!" Ziva was adamant. "Not Gibbs. Did you see his hand?"

Tony frowned. "I saw his coffee."

"I cannot believe you think you're an investigator!" Ziva spouted off, frustrated with Tony.

"What?" Tony didn't understand the big deal about Gibbs' hands.

"Good morning everybody," McGee said as he strolled in with a smile on his face.

"You're late Probie," Tony glowered. Then he did a double take. "Wait, you're smiling. Why are you smiling McSmirk?"

"Just had a good night, that's all Tony."

McGee refused to explain because Tony would only hear part of what he said and run with it to places he wasn't intending. He and Abby had, had a good night though. She'd fallen asleep in his arms before the movie finished and even though his couch wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep, it had been so nice to wake up and have her there. McGee wanted that, not just occasionally, but every day, every morning. He felt his heart jump in his chest.

If Gibbs had gotten up the guts to propose to the Director after all their history, maybe he and Abby could make something real out of their past too. Tim was willing to take the next step, the only question mark would be Abby's answer. He'd seen her downstairs to the lab before joining his team, which was why he was late. But he had a feeling she wouldn't stay there long. Abby was too excited to see people's reactions to Gibbs' and the Director's news.

Tony was still going on about why McGee was happy but Tim had tuned him out. Finally Ziva was fed up.

"Enough Tony!" she yelled. "Drip it!"

"First of all Ziva, it's 'zip it'. And second, why are you so hot and bothered this morning?"

Ziva glared at him. "I am not hot and bothered Tony but there is something going on with Gibbs. McGee, I think he was wearing a ring."

McGee gulped, trying not to show fear. Ziva could smell it. "Uhh...a ring. Like a college ring or something from being in the Marines?" He was trying to buy time and maybe throw her off.

"No McGee!" Ziva snapped. "It was a silver band right here." She held up her left hand and pointed to her third finger.

McGee's mouth fell open and he hoped his surprise looked genuine. Tony tried coughing but couldn't hold it in and burst out laughing. He laughed hysterically for a few minutes while Ziva crossed her arms and glared. When she picked up a paper clip and started towards his desk, he held up his hands in surrender.

"Seriously Ziva, do you actually think the Boss would've gotten married again?"

"Something funny about that DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked as he rounded the corner and settled at his desk.

Tony cringed, anticipating the usual abuse that followed when he shot his mouth off. "No, nothing Boss. Any woman would be lucky to get you."

Gibbs stared. "You got extra time DiNozzo? Because I can find you..."

Tony smiled. "I'm good Boss." He headed back to his desk. "Paperwork."

"Then do it. In silence," Gibbs ordered, looking at his computer. He looked up again, noting the wide eyed stares from McGee and Ziva. "Get busy!"

"Oh, right." Ziva sat down, darting furtive glance at her co-workers and tried to get another look at Gibbs' left hand without being obvious.

**NCIS**

Jenny Sheppard-Gibbs walked into the office in a good mood Monday morning.

"Hello Cynthia," she smiled.

"Good Morning Director," Cynthia's greeting seemed extra bright this morning.

Jenny entered her office and the first thing she noticed was a single white gardenia in a blue fluted vase sitting on her desk. She couldn't help the smile that spread across her face. _Jethro strikes again_, she thought.

A deep voice behind her said, "It might be our last chance to share that."

She turned around and was met by her smiling husband and a fresh cup of coffee.

"Secret love, Jethro? That's very sweet."

His grin matched hers. "I aim to please."

Jenny pulled her arms out of her coat and hung it up, gratefully accepting the coffee he handed her. "Any takers yet?"

"Nah. DiNozzo was too busy griping about lack of sleep."

"I bet you Ziva noticed something," Jenny's eyes twinkled. "Her level of observation is scary sometimes."

"I'll know when I get back down and see their faces. Should I hope for a case so they get distracted?"

"Mmm...maybe a little one," Jenny agreed. "But then I won't be there when they get up the nerve to ask you."

"Abby will be haunting the bullpen today. She's probably ready to burst."

"If she hasn't already," Jenny laughed, sitting down at her desk. "Let me know how it goes."

"Be good Director," Gibbs leaned down to kiss her cheek. "See you later."

Jenny watched as he left. If only they could live in their little fantasy world forever. Today's revelation was bound to change things, even if everyone approved and she wasn't quite sure if she was ready for it yet.

**NCIS**

"Good Morning my children!" Abby announced as she walked into her lab.

She'd just left McGee in the elevator. The morning had been good, getting ready for work with him, and it had been nice to have someone to fall asleep with last night, even if she didn't do it on purpose. After all, the end was the best part. Abby had pretty much decided that she was going to get McGee to kiss her today. She was ready for the next step with him. McGee had always cared for her and he'd shown her for years that she was still incredibly important to him, even after their break up the year he became full time with Gibbs' team at NCIS.

Waking up all her machines, Abby shed her shiny black jacket and black and red hat. With her lunch box in the fridge and her CD player blasting her favourite morning mix, all was as it should be in the lab of Abby. Unable to resist, she sat at her desk and dialed McGee's extension upstairs.

"Special Agent McGee."

"Tim, it's me."

"Yes?" She could tell he was trying to be covert.

"Has anyone figured it out yet?"

"We're definitely getting close but you know, I've got a deadline coming so I'll have to get back to you on that."

Abby translated. _Gibbs coming, need to go. _"Well, let me know. I've dying down here."

She heard his quiet chuckle. "Okay."

Abby rolled her eyes. "Maybe I'll just come up and see for myself. You're too careful Timmy."

"Right. Well, goodbye."

"Later."

Hmm, so a storm was brewing on Team Gibbs and one person alone had made progress on guessing the secret. She'd put money on it being Ziva, who saw everything, rather than Tony, who turned everything he saw into a joke. _Today is going to be a very interesting day_, Abby thought. _Now, what do I have that might need Gibbs attention and make for a good excuse to go upstairs?_


	43. Chapter 43

Gibbs dropped the phone back into it's cradle. "Got a case. Let's go."

"What is it this time Boss?" Tony asked, sounding like an eager student as he gathered his things and trailed Gibbs to the elevator. "Dead marine? Murdered Navy guy? Killer dog?" He elbowed McGee.

Gibbs glared at Tony. "Petty Officer found in his quarters hanging from the rafters."

"Right." Tony took the cue and shut up while Ziva and McGee smirked behind his back.

**NCIS**

Jenny removed her glasses and closed her eyes, seeking a moment of relief from the concentration. She glanced at the schedule Cynthia had left for her today. She was in the office all day. First was a couple hours in MTAC to supervise the carrying out of a mission they'd been planning for two months. Then back to back meetings and phone calls with different agents and agency director's. And whenever she wasn't having actual contact with others, she had new agent files to approve, requests to review, forms that needed her signature, and reports to read, until she was sure she never wanted to see another report again. But that didn't change that a new pile would appear on her desk tomorrow.

Her eyes rested on the flower from Jethro and she smiled in spite of everything else. Her husband. Jenny knew he must've enlisted the help of her assistant to have the flower waiting on her desk before she got in. They'd arrived within minutes of each other today. She loved that he cared so much and the mystery of flowers was fun, Jenny was always wondering what he would want to tell her next.

"Director?" Cynthia's voice on the intercom broke into her thoughts.

"Yes Cynthia?"

"MTAC in five minutes."

"Thank you."

Jenny pushed aside anything personal that she was thinking about. She had a mission to oversee and if they succeeded, lives would be saved. She squared her shoulders and picked up her notepad. Failure was not an option.

**NCIS**

Whoosh! The doors beeped and opened and Abby came bursting into Autopsy, her white lab coat flying behind her. "Ducky!" she yelled. "I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

Dr. Mallard, who was sitting innocently at his desk finishing a report, jumped and turned around. "Good gracious Abigail, you scared me!"

Abby crossed her arms and glared at the Medical Examiner. "You should've told me."

"Told you what?" the poor man asked, completely confused.

"About Gibbs and the Director."

Ducky raised his eyebrows. "Oh, that." He came over and put his hands on Abby's arms. "Ahh, Abby, I couldn't. It wasn't my news or my secret to share." He frowned. "How did you find out?"

Abby's eyes glimmered and her smile returned. "They were wearing their rings at lunch yesterday."

"Oh my. And today?"

"Yup," she grinned.

Ducky smiled slowly. "Then this, my dear, is going to be a very interesting day indeed. Shall we go upstairs and take a peek?"

"Oh Ducky," Abby threw her arms around his neck, "I thought you'd never ask."

**NCIS**

Ziva was crouched down in the grass, adjusting the camera lens as she snapped several pictures of the body laying at an awkward angle below the building. This was already shaping up to be a strange case. They'd arrived at the base to see the room where the Petty Officer had died and were told there was a second body, a jumper discovered shortly after the first phone call to NCIS. Tony was canvassing the area, McGee held a pen and pad as he interviewed witnesses, and Gibbs stood off to the side, speaking quietly with the deceased's CO.

Turning without appearing to move, Ziva pointed the camera at Gibbs, zooming in on his left hand and snapping a couple of pictures at different zoom distances. The next second he had turned around, pulling latex gloves on and she seemed intent on her original task. He hunkered down beside her.

"What have we got?"

"A mess," Ziva replied. "Falling off a building is not the neatest way to die. Why not just shoot himself?"

"Maybe he didn't fall," Gibbs answered. "He could've been pushed."

"My money's on a suicide," Tony interjected, coming up behind them. "Canvassed the entire area Boss, there's nothing here that's going to help us."

"Why a suicide DiNozzo?"

"Well, Boss I know to you everything is murder until proven otherwise but, come on - one guy hangs himself and the other guy thinks he can fly? Classic suicide pact. Kind of like..." Tony trailed off as Gibbs stare silenced him.

"Yeah, or someone is really good at staging a scene and found a great way to try to cover up a double homicide."

"Okay, there is that. I think I saw something like that on an episode of Crossing Jordan one time." He looked at their blank expressions. "It's a TV show from the early 2000s. About the people at an ME's office and how they team up with this goofy cop to help solve the mysteries behind how their dead bodies ended up there."

Both Gibbs and Ziva ignored him, heading back towards the van. Ducky and Palmer had just pulled up.

"So sorry to be late Jethro. Mr. Palmer here took a wrong turn."

"I didn't take a wrong turn Dr. Mallard, you were holding the map upside down."

"The incompetence of youth today is astounding," Ducky muttered as if Jimmy hadn't spoken. "Bring the gurney Mr. Palmer, hurry up."

"Coming Doctor."

"We need everything you can get off these bodies Duck."

Ducky's brow furrowed. "There's more than one?"

"Another, inside. A hanging. And if we don't move fast, someone might be getting away with murder."

**NCIS**

"See? Right there! I told you he was wearing a ring!" Ziva pointed to the enlarged picture of Gibbs left hand on McGee's computer screen.

"Well, you don't know for sure it's a wedding ring Ziva," Tony hedged. All this time and he'd never once considered the possibility of Gibbs and the Director being married. A secret rendevous, yes. Marriage, no. So much for the pool he'd started. He'd be lucky if he even saw a penny of it after word of this got out.

Ziva shot Tony a sharp look. "It's a silver band on his left hand Tony! On his ring finger! What else could it be?"

Tony's expression was pained. "You've got a point there."

"Tell me this is case related," Gibbs commanded as he entered the squadroom. McGee hit one button and cleared his screen and Tony and Ziva suddenly found other things to be interested in. "You better have something."

"Yeah, a whole lot of question marks," Tony complained bitterly. "Petty Officer Jordan Snow and Sergeant Ethan Whiddon have no connections at all."

"Except being dead and lying in Autopsy DiNozzo."

"Right Boss, except that. I mean, they weren't part of the same unit, they didn't share guard duties or any other duties for that matter, and they've never sailed on the same ship. As far as I can tell, they've never have met. So much for my theory."

"Find a new one with no holes in it DiNozzo. I want answers!"

Gibbs stormed out of the room and headed for the elevator, ignoring the way Ziva stared at him. He sure hoped Ducky had some good news for him. He shook his head. Of course Jen would win their bet. Obviously Ziva knew and was in the process of convincing the others. Now it was just whether or not they had the guts to ask him to his face about the ring. If they did it before the end of the day, he knew he'd be paying for it. Jenny was dangerous when she was right.

**NCIS**

"Gibbs!" Abby squealed when he walked into the lab, nearly strangling him with a hug.

"Abs!" he laughed. "I just saw you yesterday."

"I know!" Abby's eyes widened. "I missed you too." She looked him over. "No Caf-Pow!"

Gibbs looked at her. "That depends. What have you got?"

"A severe case of dead cat curiosity." At Gibbs blank look she tried to explain. "You know the saying - curiosity killed the cat? Well, I'm practically there. What's going on upstairs? Have they figured it out yet? Did they say anything? Oh, I wanted to be there to see Tony's face when he finally got it."

Gibbs loved Abby but sometimes he wished there was an off switch for her tangents. "The case, Abby?"

"You're not going to tell me anything?" she begged.

"Abby, I have two families waiting for answers and two dead guys in Autopsy with no good reason why. Now what have you got?"

"Right, focus." She took a deep breath. "Are you ready for this one Gibbs?" She paused.

"Ready as I'm ever gonna get Abby."

"I just got the DNA tests back on our dead guys. Get this, they're related."

"Related how?"

Abby hesitated. "It's not quite that simple Gibbs, the DNA doesn't give me their family tree. But see this?" She pointed to the dark markers on the DNA panel on her computer screen. "This means they were fairly closely related - cousins or possibly half-brothers."

"So this could've been a hit."

"You got it."

"Abby, find me everything you can get on these guys. I want to know their whole life stories up to and including why they were murdered on the same day."

"It's gonna take a while. It's just me down here."

"I'll send McGee down to help you. You've got three hours and then I want results."

Abby saluted. "Absolutely mon capitan!"

"Good." Gibbs turned on his heel and headed back to the elevator. Time to go see Ducky and find out how their guys died.


	44. Chapter 44

"What'd you find Duck?" Gibbs asked the second he arrived in Autopsy.

"Ahh, Jethro, I was just about to call you. We've had some interesting developments on our case."

"How interesting?"

"Oh, very," Ducky grinned. He lead Gibbs over to the x-ray lamps and flipped them on. "What do you see here?" he pointed to the neck.

Gibbs peered closely at it. "It looks fine."

"Fine. Yes, well that's the problem, isn't it? If our Petty Officer had hung himself, there should be, at the very least, a hairline fracture of his neck. These bones," he ran his finger down the vertebra of the neck, "are completely intact."

"So it wasn't suicide."

"Not unless he hung himself after he was already dead."

"What about the other one?"

"Well, our Sergeant was a bit more of a puzzle. You can see how mucked up his body was after falling six stories. It's rather hard to differentiate between those injuries and anything that might have occurred just before he took an unexpected tumble out of a sixth floor window."

"Tell me you got more than that Ducky."

"Jethro," the doctor chastised, "you really need to be more patient. I didn't say I hadn't found anything. Do you see this, the lack of blood pooled around the head wounds? And do you remember how clean the grass on which he lay was? The only way that could happen..."

"Is if he was dead before he hit the ground. Thanks Duck," Gibbs called as he hurried out of the room.

**NCIS**

At 1400 Gibbs went striding through Director Sheppard's outer office, barely pausing when Cynthia rose.

"You can't go in right now Agent Gibbs, the Director is...in a meeting," she finished lamely, watching the Director's door swing shut.

Jenny's eyes turned towards the door as Gibbs burst in.

"Did you forget how to knock, Agent Gibbs?"

"Got something for you, Director." Only then did Gibbs notice another party in the room, sitting in one of the chairs that faced Jenny's desk.

"Special Agent Gibbs, Agent Thompson from the FBI. We were just finishing. Thank you for making the time to see me Agent Thompson."

The man took her cue and stood, barely giving Gibbs a passing glance on the way out. Jenny sat back in her chair. "Do you know why I have an assistant sitting outside my door Jethro?"

"To annoy me?"

She smiled. "Good guess, but no. It's her job to inform me of visitors and also to inform visitors that they may have to wait their turn."

Gibbs parked himself right in front of her desk and leaned over, "All visitors Jen?"

"That is the idea."

They regarded one another for a minute before Jenny realized there was no winning this argument. "Did you come up for a reason or just to stress out my assistant?"

"Got a case. Real hinky, as Abby would say. Related victims who didn't die the way it looked. I think we're looking at a really bad grudge or a family sanctioned hit."

"And what can I do to help?" Jenny inquired.

"Nothing right now, this is just a heads up." He glanced at his watch. "Did you eat?"

Jenny shook her head. "No. I was in MTAC for a good portion of the morning and I've been in meetings ever since."

"What do you feel like? I can grab something when I go for coffee."

"Oh, a coffee would be fine, thanks. I'm really not that hungry."

Gibbs shot her a reproving look. "You need to eat Jenny."

"I need to do my job, Jethro. I still have several meetings before the end of the day and a lot of work to be done when they are over. I'm fine."

"Fine," he muttered. He started for the door.

"Jethro," she called.

He turned around. "What?" his tone a little sharper than he'd planned.

Her eyes softened. "Don't leave mad."

Gibbs blew out a breath, trying to release some of the tension. He walked back around her desk and leaned against it. "I'm worried about you Jen."

"I'm fine, really. I'll get something later if I need to, promise."

"You do realize eating is supposed to be good for you."

"Have you seen the food in this building?" she tried to tease, but she could see he wasn't buying it. She stood up and put her hand on his chest. "You're very sweet to worry, but it's alright. Lunch may be a little bit late today, but I'll get it. I had breakfast, didn't I?"

"A muffin," he said, his tone indicating what he thought about that.

She smiled. "Better than nothing. Now stop worrying." Her eyes fell to her schedule. "I'm sorry, but I have another appointment soon. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Yeah," he sighed, squeezing her hand, "later Jen."

She sat back down and watched as he left. Placing a hand over her stomach, she fought the nausea the came over her at the very mention of food. If her stomach settled down later, she would eat. Probably.

An hour later Gibbs again entered the Director's outer office. Plunking down a container of salad and a cup of coffee on the desk, he drilled his eyes into Cynthia's.

"Make sure she eats this," he said gruffly. Then he turned around without a word and left, a rather perplexed Cynthia watching him go.

**NCIS**

"You ask him."

"I'm not asking him. If you want to know, you ask!"

"Don't be a chicken McCoward," Tony put in.

"I'm not being a chicken, I just -"

"Buck, buck, buck, bawwk!"

Ziva glared at her partner. "Tony you are such a child."

"You're the one who brought this whole thing up Ziva, you ask."

"Oh what? Afraid to find out the real answer and lose your bet?"

"I am Senior Field Agent here..."

"Yes!" Ziva smiled triumphantly. "And you've known Gibbs the longest. So you should ask."

"Oh no," he held up his hands. "I am not getting into this. If I ask, he's going to slap me so hard the hair won't grow back." He rubbed his hand protectively over the back of his head. "I need my hair."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Men!" she huffed.

It was late. Their case had met a dead end while they waited for traces and background checks to finish and for one lead out of the tens they had to finally pan out. A reluctant Gibbs had finally agreed to put the case on hold for the night so everyone could go home and get some sleep. He didn't like the idea of leaving a murderer out there, not one bit, but there didn't seem to be anymore they could do tonight and he needed his team focused and alert to solve this case.

Gibbs appeared behind Tony's desk. "What were you going to ask me, DiNozzo?"

"Boss!" Tony whirled around, bumping into his desk in the process and wincing. "Me? Umm, I don't think...I mean, McGee and Ziva were just...well, you see..."

"Spit it out, I haven't got all night." Gibbs headed for his desk.

"Here's the thing Boss, you're...wearing a ring."

Gibbs lifted his eyebrows. "Uh huh. So what?"

"Well, we were just wondering..." he looked desperately at his teammates for back up and finally Ziva took pity on him. McGee looked like he wanted to disappear.

"What we are wondering, Gibbs," Ziva began, "is if you got married."

"And why would that be any of your business, Officer David?"

Ziva was taken aback. "Oh. I guess...it wouldn't."

Gibbs gave them all a good stare before standing up, biting back a smile at the way they all leaned back, wondering what their punishment was for being nosy. "Stay here!" he ordered, heading for the stairs.

Abby and Ducky walked in just then, looking like they were on their way out as well.

"What's going on?" Abby asked.

The team shrugged, helplessly. "We don't know," Tony said, a look of fear overtaking his face. "But we've just been ordered not to move." He shot a look at the door to the Director's office. "You don't think he's trying to get permission to shoot us, do you?"

Ziva shook her head, unconvinced but still unsure about what Gibbs was up to. "Jenny would never allow that."

"I don't know Ziva," McGee finally spoke, "he seemed awfully upset."

"This is the worst part," Tony whispered, sinking into his chair. "I hate waiting to see."

"Oh Tony," Abby grinned, leaning on one of the room dividers, "you have no idea."


	45. Chapter 45

"I'm almost ready to go," Jenny said without turning around when the door opened, sliding a last handful of files into her bag. Jethro was the only one who didn't give her any warning that he was coming. When he didn't say anything, she turned around, puzzled when she saw him. "You're not ready to go."

He tossed his empty coffee cup into her trash can. "Time for the announcement."

Jenny was suddenly very nervous. "They figured it out?"

"Yup," he nodded. "Finally decided to ask too. I didn't think DiNozzo would even try, but Ziva still had to finish it for him. Ducky and Abby are probably waiting down there too. No better time than when they're all in the same room."

Jenny reached for her coat. "I didn't think I would be this nervous," she laughed. "Seven months and I feel like I'm announcing my engagement to my parents instead of telling your team that we're married."

"Nothing to worry about," Gibbs assured her. "Their reactions won't change that fact."

"It's just so different, having everyone know. I mean, I guess it had to come out sooner or later, but I feel like everyone will be looking at me differently."

"Probably will," Gibbs agreed, "until they realize that you haven't changed. At least, the Director hasn't, not really. And Jenny Gibbs," his grin spread over his whole face, "I'm the only one who should get to see that side of you anyways." He held out his hand, "Ready?"

She took a deep breath and grabbed her bag, sliding her hand into his. "Ready."

**NCIS**

McGee, Tony and Ziva had to struggled not to let their mouths drop open when Gibbs and the director walked down the stairs from her office, hand in hand. The team exchanged glances, trying to absorb the news that hadn't even been announced yet and barely even noticed Ducky and Abby chuckling in the background. Gibbs and Jenny stopped at the entrance to the squadroom. Gibbs expression hadn't changed but Ziva could read the unease in Jenny's smile.

Gibbs looked them over. "Since no one in this room can mind their own business, we may as well break the news. Team, I'd like you to meet my wife, Jenny Gibbs."

Tony's mouth opened, but no words came out. McGee allowed himself a small smile, hoping he wouldn't be noticed. "Yay!" Abby yelled, and ran over to embrace the couple. "This is great!" she declared, her eyes sparkling.

"Thank you Abby," Jenny said sincerely.

Ziva was next to approach. "Mazel tov Jen," she smiled, kissing the air on either side of Jenny's face. Jenny didn't need to say anything and Ziva decided on just nodding at Gibbs. "Congratulations."

He nodded back. "Ziva."

"Wow Boss," Tony's voice finally returned, "I guess that's one way to get in good with the management." The whole team stared at him and he shook his head. "No, that didn't come out right. What I mean to say is..."

"You'd better say it fast," Ziva whispered out of the corner of her mouth.

"Umm...congratulations Director, Gibbs," Tony finished quickly. Gibbs stepped forward and headslapped the agent. "What'd I do?" Tony exclaimed.

"That's for taking bets on us," Gibbs said and once again left everyone wondering if he really did know everything.

"I for one am glad it's all out in the open now," Ducky added. "And congratulations again my dear," he clasped Jenny's hands. "Be good to her," he said to Gibbs, his gaze heavy with meaning.

"Good night Duck," Gibbs said in response, taking his wife's hand again. "0700 tomorrow," he stated to his team.

A chorus of, "Goodnight Boss", followed them as they headed for the elevator.

"McGee, walk me to my car," Abby requested. Without any protest, McGee grabbed his coat and accompanied her to the stairs since they knew the elevator was in use.

Ziva and Tony stared after them, completely unable to comprehend what had just transpired.

"I think we're hallucinating," Tony whispered, his whole world rocked.

"The exact same thing?" Ziva demanded.

"There is something seriously wrong when the bosses get married. I'm telling you Ziva, this is trouble." Tony gathered his things in a bit of a fog. "Time will tell."

"Cynic," Ziva shot at him.

"Three divorces Ziva," Tony pointed out, "it's only a matter of time until things go south. You thought Gibbs was bad before? Just wait."

"Or maybe," Ziva suggested, "they will just live...oh, what is that story phrase? Oh yes, happily forever after."

Tony slanted a look at her as they walked to the elevator. "Anything is possible, I suppose. Hey, do you think this means we'll get any special treatment? You know, like, favouritism because our boss is married to the boss?"

Ziva rolled her eyes and punched the number for the first floor. Tony would never change. At least some things could be counted on to stay the same.

**NCIS**

Abby tucked her hand into McGee's arm as they walked side by side through the dark parking lot, the wet pavement throwing off a faint glow where the streetlights touched it.

"Well, that went well I thought," Abby smiled.

McGee laughed. "I was just glad to be almost invisible."

"Oh, McGee!" Abby protested, leaning closer. "You're never invisible. At least, never to me."

"Thanks Abbs." He looked down at her, warmth spreading through him at her nearness. "So, was there something you wanted to talk to me about? Tony is going to want to know what this whole 'walking you to your car' thing is. He's awfully protective of you Abby."

"Big brother syndrome, he'll get over it."

They slowed to a stop by her car and Abby pulled away from him to lean up against it.

"Well," McGee began.

"So," Abby started and then they shared some nervous laughter.

"I'm glad you came over last night Abby," McGee told her, his eyes tracing her face. "It was fun."

"Me too," Abby said, stepping closer. "Too bad it only happens once in awhile."

McGee felt like it was getting harder to breathe, Abby was only inches away. "Uhh, Abbs?"

She smiled at him and leaned in farther. "Yes Timmy?"

McGee finally took a half step back and ran his hand through his hair, surprised to notice disappointment in Abby's eyes. She liked to tease him and as far as he knew, she was unaware of how difficult it was for him to be that close to her and not touch her.

"I-I have a hard time thinking when you're that close."

Abby reached for his hand. "You're thinking too much Timmy."

"Abbs," he said, exasperated, "help me out here. Last time we had this discussion, you said you weren't ready, that you wanted to wait for awhile before we jumped into something serious."

She tried to tug him closer to her. "Maybe I changed my mind McGee."

"Maybe, or you did Abby? I need specifics here."

She cocked her head to the side. "What would you do if I said yes?"

"Yes to what?"

"Yes I changed my mind. Yes I want to take the next step with you. What would you do if I said yes?"

McGee allowed himself to be pulled closer to Abby, until their bodies were touching. He took a deep breath. "I would kiss you."

"So why don't you?" her eyes were shining now and all McGee could think about was how long it was since they had been this close.

"Okay." He swallowed. They may have been best friends for years, but a time like this with Abby still felt like the first date and he was nervous. He settled his hand just under her ear, where her jawline met her neck. Then he leaned down pressed his lips against hers.

At first it was just a light kiss, but Tim began pouring all the years they'd been apart into it and then suddenly Abby was kissing him back and he was hoping that if this was a dream, he would never wake up.

**NCIS**

Gibbs felt Jenny stiffen as they stepped out into the dark parking lot. And then she froze and when he turned to look at her, he didn't like what he saw. Her face was pinched, her eyes closed and she was trembling.

"Jen?" he asked, need to know what was going on in her head.

"It was right here," she whispered.

"What?"

"Where he grabbed me."

Suddenly he knew. It was late at night. The dark parking lot. The two of them walking out to the car. Everything was just like a week ago Thursday when she stepped into a nightmare. He put his arm around her shoulder.

"It's different now Jenny. I'm here, I've got you. Nothing bad is going to happen tonight."

When Jenny didn't budge, didn't say anything, Gibbs stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She grabbed onto his hands as if to a lifeline and it was a minutes before he felt her grip lessen. After another minute, he moved to face her.

"Hey," he said softly, "are you okay?"

"Just take me home," she said softly, opening her eyes and looking around, fear making the green orbs dark. "I don't want to think about it anymore."

Gibbs kept his arm around her waist, holding her close to his side until she was safely tucked in his car. Her security detail could follow them home, he wasn't trusting anyone else with her tonight. At first there was silence and then Jenny seemed to shake off the cloak of fear she'd been wearing since exiting the building.

She turned towards him and Gibbs was surprised to catch a glimpse of a smile on her face. "So," she asked, "what do I get for winning?"

He rolled his eyes. "Is that the most important thing tonight? Who won?"

"It is if the reward is a really good one."

"What were you thinking?"

Jenny's look was mischievous. "I think I'm going to follow in Abby's footsteps and save it."

"Oh no," he groaned, "I'm in trouble. This is going to cost me, isn't it?"

"I guess you'll just have to wait and see."

Gibbs pulled her hand up and kissed it. "Be nice."

She settled back into her seat. "Don't you trust me?"

"With my life Jen, just not with a bet."

She swatted his arm and laughed and he kept his focus on the road. He thought maybe her remembering would throw off his plans for the evening, but she seemed to be recovering okay. Maybe they would still get to do what he'd been thinking about all day.


	46. Chapter 46

Gibbs and Jenny entered her house quietly. It had been a long day. Gibbs was antsy because there was a killer on the loose and he didn't know where. Jenny was feeling stressed simply because sometimes being director of NCIS was a stressful job. She headed for the study with her bag, intending to put in another hour or two with the files she'd brought home before heading to bed tonight. Gibbs went upstairs, to shower Jenny thought.

A file and a half later, Jenny sensed she wasn't alone and looked up. Her husband was lounging in the doorway, looking at her in a way she couldn't quite describe.

"What?" she asked, a smile crawling across her face. "You look like you're keeping a secret."

Gibbs walked over to stand in front of her. "Let's take a bath Jen," he said in a low voice.

Jenny's eyes widened. "Jethro..." she didn't know where to start. "I know we've been working on things but..." How could she tell him that she was still uncomfortable with her own body? That she hated being naked now. The only time she was without full covering these days was for five minutes in the morning when she showered, and even that mad her anxious. But when she saw the look in her husband's eyes, she found it very hard to say no.

"Come on Jen," he coaxed. "It's late and you're tired, no more work. Come relax with me."

Jenny tried to keep her breathing even and forced a small laugh. "I'm not sure relax is exactly the right word." But she took his hand anyway, turned off the lights on her way out of the room, and allowed him to lead her upstairs. When they got to the bathroom, Jenny couldn't believe her eyes. Here was a man who didn't always remember the details and sometimes forgot even the really important stuff, and yet all around the room her favourite candles were lit, soft music was playing on the counter, and a bubble bath nearly filled the tub.

"Oh Jethro," she breathed, "you do know how to make it hard to say no."

"That was kind of the idea," he smiled, glad to see that she liked it. But he knew they were going to have to work on the dread that still hovered in her eyes at the thought of this kind of alone time with him.

He picked her silk robe up off the stool and handed it to her. "Here," he said, remembering last week's incident in the shower and how she hadn't wanted him to look, "you change into that and call me when you're ready. Then you don't have to look when I get in and I'll close my eyes so you can join me. Okay?"

Touched by his thoughtfulness, Jenny could do little more than nod. Gibbs left and closed the door and Jenny slowly began getting undressed. She folded each item of clothing carefully and set the pile on the bathroom counter. Tying the robe tightly at her waist, Jenny pulled the clip out to release her hair. Then she timidly called, "I'm ready."

She kept her back to the door, listening to Gibbs' footsteps across the floor. She heard the gentle ripple of water as he sank into the tub. "Your turn Jenny," he called, keeping his voice soft.

Jenny turned around slowly to find her husband smiling up at her. "The water's perfect," he added, hoping to encourage her.

"Close your eyes," she whispered and he did so without complaint. Closing her own eyes and wishing her hands weren't shaking, she undid the knot and slipped off her robe. Moving quickly, she settled into the other end of the tub, pulling her knees up to her chest, grateful the bubbles covered everything.

Gibbs felt the change in the water when she got in and waited until it was still again before opening his eyes. Jenny was as far away as she could get in a bathtub, and even though it was a nice large one, there was only so much space. Still, he didn't want her to stay over there the whole time, that would defeat the purpose of them spending some quality time together.

He picked up a wash cloth. He knew he would be doing most of the caring for this time and Gibbs was okay with that. Jenny still needed to be handled so carefully and he wanted to build her trust back up. He meant the bath to be a non-threatening way for them to be together in close quarters. He also intended her to learn that every time he tried to touch her he was not angling for something she couldn't give, just in case that was in the back of her mind somewhere.

Squeezing some liquid soap into the cloth, Gibbs worked up a lather. "Jen, let me see your foot," he requested.

Finally Jenny met his eyes. "Why?"

He sighed. "Try not to think about it too much, okay? Just let me take care of you tonight."

After a minute, Jenny sank a little lower in the bubbles and stretched out her legs. She could feel his legs alongside hers and she tried to think of it being no different than when they were laying in bed at night and their legs were touching. Except at night they were fully clothed. Here, not so much.

Gibbs reached down and picked up one of Jenny's legs. He held the cloth in his hand and gently ran it overtop of her foot and back under, avoiding the ticklish spot in her arch. He moved the cloth up and ran it down her calf and over her knee, but went no further than that. He did the same with the second leg and could feel a little of the tension leave her muscles.

He took a break for awhile, to give Jenny some space, and used the washcloth on himself. Normally when they bathed together, they took turns washing each other. He loved the feeling over hands all over him as she washed his back, his arms, his legs. He loved just being with her, no matter what they were doing. Often they would sit in the bath and talk, sometimes they would kiss and once in awhile they would take it further than that and really have some fun being together in the warm, soapy water. Of course, that was the last thing Gibbs wanted his wife to worry about tonight, he knew her limits. But he was going to test a few of them if the next few minutes went according to the plan in his head.

"Jenny," he asked once she'd relaxed and lain her head back against the side of the tub. She lifted her head to look at him, a small smile on her lips. "Will you come and sit with me?"

At first Jenny shook her head, her immediate reaction. But Gibbs didn't say anything, he just waited for her to think it over. Then he held out his hand to her. It wasn't like they were a million miles apart, only a few feet across the bathtub, but in thinking they may as well have been on different planets. She knew he meant well but did he have any idea how hard it was for her to sit here? To not jump out and run to someplace she felt safe?

Jenny looked at his hand and then into his eyes. Something there gave her the courage to take his hand and let him draw her across that few feet of space until she was resting her bare back against his bare chest. She tried to slow her breathing but all she could think about was the last time she had been this close to a naked man and what he had done. _This is your husband Jenny_, she reminded herself, _your husband that loves you. He had nothing to do with the creep that created those memories. You've got to trust him Jenny_. She repeated it to herself over and over and over, trying to hold onto the truth she knew was in those words.

It helped that Gibbs didn't move so much as an inch. He'd seen the struggle in her face, he knew some of what it had taken for her just to get in the bath with him, let alone get this close. So he waited for her breathing to return to normal, waited for her to relax enough to lay back against him without thinking, waited for her to be okay with this.

Poor Jenny. It was more skin to skin contact than she'd had in a week and she was severely on edge. Just to rest back against him, to feel him against her, their bodies pressed closely together, was a lot. She kept her hands still and resisted the urge to curl up into the little ball that was her comfort position when emotions overwhelmed her and she needed to hide.

Jenny kept her eyes closed and finally leaned more of her weight against Jethro's chest and even rested her head back on his shoulder. She started when she felt his arms come around her waist, but when nothing else happened, she let herself enjoy being held, just for a moment.

Gibbs was finding it very hard to be so patient. Being this close to his wife and having to censor all his movements was pretty close to driving him crazy. But the last thing in the world he wanted to do was scare her. So he contented himself with her back against his chest, her head on his shoulder and his arms around her. Once she unwound a little bit, he wanted to try something else.

Jenny could feel the tension in her husband's body, how he was working so hard to keep things comfortable for her. She knew this couldn't be easy, they were married after all. Normally he didn't need permission to touch. If only she could calm down, but her nerves were all on end, wondering what would happen next.

"Jenny," Gibbs' breath tickled her ear, "I'm going to try something and I want you to trust me. I know it's hard, but I think you need to remember what it feels like to have my hands on your body, the hands of a man who loves you and would never hurt you."

Right away her eyes flew open and she tried to move away from him, but his gentle grip kept her in place. "Jen, I promise I am not going to hurt you, but I am going to touch you."

"No," Jenny whimpered, seeing hands in her mind, feeling them rough and painful all over her.

He tightened his arms around her. "Jenny, Jenny wherever you are, wherever the memories are taking you, I need you to come back. It's me, it's your husband and I am not going to hurt you."

Gibbs decided to start somewhere safe. He moved his hands up to her shoulders and slowly ran them down her arms, first on the top and then underneath. All the while he was talking to her. "Jen, whatever I do, if it scares you, if it reminds you of something, I want you to tell me. We'll talk about it, we'll work through it but I don't want to be away from you anymore."

Jenny heard his voice trying to penetrate the cloud of remembering that surrounded her mind. It broke when his hands began to move and she sat, trying not to shudder at his touch. He was being so gentle, he was trying so hard to help. _I just don't want him to push me_, she thought but then she remembered Rule 18 and decided she had to work with him here. So she opened her eyes, focused on a point on the far wall and waited.

Gibbs could feel that Jenny had her feet propped up so that her knees weren't flat to the floor of the bathtub, but slightly raised. He put his hands on her knees and once again ran them down her lower legs. There was no reaction, good or bad, so he kept to the plan.

"Lean forward a sec, will you Jen?" he asked, picking up the cloth again. In slow, even strokes he ran the cloth across her bare back, loving the feel of her skin against his, but loving even more the fact that she was relaxing into his touch. The next part would be the hardest, putting his hands places that might trigger a whole lot of bad memories.


	47. Chapter 47

When he ran his hands along her outer thighs, Jenny's hand came to cover his.

"Please don't," she whispered, pretty sure she knew where he was going with this.

"I promise I won't touch you Jen, not where you're afraid of." The fact that she might still be sore was enough to keep him respecting that area of her body, but he wouldn't have done it even if she was healed either. One step at a time, that's all they were worrying about tonight.

Gibbs moved his hands to the top of her thighs and slid them gently down. He could feel Jenny jerk when he placed his hands on her inner thighs, but he only went about halfway down, keeping his touch as light and gentle as he could. She relaxed when he moved away from that area but when his hands traveled to her stomach next, Jenny could feel her muscles tightening.

"I don't...like your hands there," she finally got up the courage to say.

His voice was low, soft. "Why?" he asked.

Jenny tried to explain without going back to the bunker and seeing the scene. "Because, it reminds me of...there."

Gibbs held his hands still against her middle, not moving anything at all. "Is it better if I don't move my hands?"

Jenny sort of nodded. "A little, I guess." She cringed. "Jethro, I don't like this."

Gibbs tried not to be visible when he sighed. He wanted so badly to help her through this, to get back to them, but he knew he needed to let her make the call about what was too much. He just wasn't sure how much longer he could wait. "Do you want me to stop?"

"I don't know!" her voice sounded like a little girl's and she curled up on him, her side against his chest, her legs pulled up almost on his lap.

He wrapped his arms around her whole body and held her while she cried. This hadn't been a good idea, he'd been wrong, it was too soon. When he let go, he knew it was time to let her out. "It's okay Jen, we can get out now. It's probably time for bed anyhow."

But Jenny didn't move. Her body was very still and Gibbs got the feeling she was thinking about something. "No," she finally shook her head. "No, you're right. The memories are only going to get worse unless I replace them with something else. I can do this, I need to do this."

Despite his surprise at her acceptance, he gladly let her stretch out in front of him again. But this time Jenny was no passive party in the process. With her hand over his, she guided him along her body. It felt better this way, her in control, doing what she was willing to do and no more. Slowly and carefully, they worked over nearly every inch of her body. Then they just lay in the water for awhile, relaxing without a word.

Finally the water cooled and they shifted positions. Gibbs got out while Jenny closed her eyes and he wrapped a towel securely around his waist before reaching to hold her towel out in front of him, while his eyes were closed. "Okay."

Jenny looked up and stepped quickly out of the tepid bath water. But instead of taking her towel from Jethro as she had done last time, she stepped into it and let him wrap it around her. He just held her for a moment after, grateful for the chance to be so close. He stayed in the bathroom to brush his teeth so Jenny could change. When he came out, the first thing he noticed was her pyjamas.

She'd switched from her long sleeved ones to pj's with capri length pants and a short sleeved t-shirt. Even a little progress was something to be thankful for. She was already sitting in bed, one leg pulled up as she read a book. Jenny looked over at him and smiled.

"Don't worry, I won't look."

There were many things he could've said to that, but Gibbs did what he did best and kept quiet rather than say something that would burst the fragile bubble of trust they were living in after their time together. Jenny kept her focus on her book while he changed and put it aside when he climbed onto the bed. She sat watching him for a moment before she crept to the middle of the bed, inviting him there with her eyes. He moved over and Jenny lay down contentedly beside him, one hand on his chest and her head over his heart, listening to the comforting sound of his heartbeat.

Gibbs laid his hand over hers and held her close, grateful that they weren't on separate sides of the bed tonight. Then he closed his eyes and prayed that her healing would be faster. She meant everything to him and Leroy Jethro Gibbs was not about to mess it up. But right now it was killing him to be this close to Jenny, to hold her and know that for now, that was all he could do.

**NCIS**

The next time Gibbs looked at the clock, it was 0630. He laid his head back down but a moment later, sat straight up. 0630? That couldn't be right! Their alarm was set to go off at 0600. He fiddled with the little black machine for a moment before smacking it across the bedside table. No time to waste fiddling with a stupid electronic box. Gibbs turned over and put his hand on Jenny's shoulder. There was a slight smile on her face as she slept and he hated to wake her, but she took the longest getting ready and she would be pressed to get to the office at her normal time today. As it was, he was going to have to leave without her and let her security detail play chauffeur.

"Jenny," he said, brushing back her hair. She made a little noise and curled into herself more. He shook her shoulder. "Jen, it's 6:30."

"What?" Suddenly wide awake, Jenny's eyes darted to the clock. "Oh no," she groaned. "What happened to our alarm?"

"Malfunctioned, I guess," he sent a dark look towards the innocent looking clock.

Jenny slid out from under the covers and started rushing around. "I hate being late!" she griped, while he pulled on pants, a shirt, and a jacket. Brushing his teeth and running a comb through his hair, Gibbs was good to go minutes later. He stopped to kiss Jenny's cheek before he left.

"See you at work."

"Okay," she was distracted. "Bye." Just as he headed downstairs, he heard her voice and turned around. "Oh, Jethro!" she called.

"What?"

"Don't forget our appointment today, with the shrink. 1600."

"I'll do my best."

"Just tell the team you're getting coffee, then you can bring me some too. And you'll be back within the hour."

"Okay Jenny, got to go. I love you."

He could hear the smile in her voice. "I love you too."

Gibbs hurried down the stairs and out the door. He raised a hand to Jenny's security detail sitting across the street. They'd know she was going with them this morning.

He made it to the office by 0658 and shared the elevator with Ziva. Tony came in last with barely seconds to spare before he would've been headslapped for being late. McGee was already there, checking everything he'd left running overnight to see what his computer had found.

Gibbs dropped into his chair, frustrated already because he didn't have a coffee in hand. First moment he had, that's where he was heading. He shook his head, trying to focus, and looked up.

"McGee, what did we get off the traces?"

McGee winced. "Not much that we can use Boss. No suspicious phone calls to either of their cells or their homes in the last six months. They didn't call each other either. I'm starting to wonder if they either didn't know they were related or didn't know they were on the same base. Everything in their bank accounts checks out and both men have clean records, nothing that makes them look like targets for a hit."

"Dig deeper!" Gibbs ordered. "There has to be a connection somewhere." He eyed Tony. "You read Ducky's autopsy report yet?"

"Uh, no Boss."

"Why not?"

"I don't have it yet?" he made it sound like more of a question than an answer.

Ziva was standing there, looking at Gibbs. "You got something you want to add, Officer David?"

She met his hard gaze without flinching. "Security tapes arrived from the base early this morning, so I sent them down to Abby. She wants to see you."

"Well why didn't you say that before?" Gibbs replied, starting for the lab only to turn around and head back towards the Caf-Pow! machines. At 0700 one came bearing gifts when going to see their forensic scientist.

**NCIS**

Jenny stepped off the elevator, walking fast. She glanced at her watch again, but just like all the other times she'd checked, nothing had changed and she was still late. She hated the harried feeling that came with waking up late and she wished she'd been able to spend more than a few seconds with her husband this morning. Jenny preferred the days when they got up on time and were able to have breakfast or coffee together before heading into the office.

When she entered her outer office, she found Cynthia already at her desk. Jenny's assistant was punctual to the point of being obsessive and only today, when she was the late one, did Jenny find that particular quality irritating. Cynthia stood and offered a polite smile.

"Director Shepard, good morning." She shot a not so subtle glance at Jenny's left hand. "I heard that I missed some of the excitement yesterday by leaving early. My fault for having a dentist appointment, I guess."

Jenny saw the slight look of disappointment at being left out on her assistant's face. "Oh Cynthia, I am sorry! I should've told you first. Yesterday it seemed that I was busy all day and we didn't really tell anyone until just before I left. But those are bad excuses, I'm sorry." She held out her hand so Cynthia could see her rings better.

Cynthia looked closely at the rings and smiled. "Congratulations Director. I'm very happy for you. But," she looked unsure, "Agent Gibbs, ma'am?"

Jenny laughed. "As a Special Agent he lacks respect for rules and he has absolutely no tact. But as a husband," she let her smile grow, "I couldn't ask for a more patient, gentle or loving man. Especially in light of our last week. But don't tell him I said that," she warned, "I don't want him getting a big head about it."

Cynthia's smile was genuine. "I'm glad for you Director. Having someone to love you is a very special gift."

"One that I almost missed out on," Jenny added, agreeing. "Now, as Director, what may I look forward today? I certainly hope I didn't miss a national crisis by being late."

"We managed to survive without you for a few minutes Director, but..." Cynthia's eyes dropped to the day planner in front of her, "you do have a meeting with the Board of Directors to do an NCIS resources adequacy assessment, which is scheduled for the entire morning."

Jenny suppressed a groan and momentarily closed her eyes. The Board of Directors were not her favourite group of people to spend a couple of hours with. It was a tedious process to do the resources assessment and it meant loads of paperwork and headaches for her as she would be forced once again to explain why they needed everything they used to solve their cases._ Now that's a meeting I should let Jethro take my place in, he would just stare them into submission_. She smiled at the thought.

Cynthia continued. "There is a threat report briefing in MTAC after lunch followed by some new intelligence assessments and of course, there is the update to our protection plan that needs to be approved and several phone calls to be returned. Also, your four o'clock appointment with Dr. Renway. She called with a reminder just before you walked in."

Jenny had to respect Kristyn's determination. But she wasn't intending to try to find a way out of today's session, merely wondering just what that hour would look like when her husband was in the room.


	48. Chapter 48

"Hope you have good news for me Abby," Gibbs said as he strode into the lab, caffeinated beverage in hand.

Abby spun around with a smile and reached for the drink, sighing when he held it just out of her reach. "Gibbs," she whined.

"Case first Abby."

"Fine," she sulked, looking back at her computer as she clicked the mouse. "I've been going over the security footage the base sent over and I noticed something very interesting."

"How interesting Abby?" She always made him work for the information.

Abby smiled and her eyes gleamed. "Very." She rewound the tape and pointed. "See this? This is ninety seconds before the first body was staged." She fast forwarded a little. "And right here, thirty seconds after he was hung from the rafters."

"Okay..." Gibbs was missing the connection.

"Gibbs, pay attention." Abby stuck her finger on the screen. "The time stamps are messed up. The time directly before and after both murders has been cut from the tape. Which means..."

"This was an inside job."

"Or somebody who fits in really well on a Navy base and wouldn't be noticed."

"That's good work Abs," Gibbs handed over her Caf-Pow! and headed for the elevator.

As he waited for the doors to open, his cell phone rang and he unclipped it from his belt. "Yeah, Gibbs."

"Ah, good morning Jethro. Could you come and see me?"

"Found something Duck?"

Ducky hesitated. "It's not good news."

"On my way."

He entered through the sliding doors two minutes later. "What'd you find Ducky?"

"Well, it's rather what I haven't found that's the mystery this time Jethro."

Gibbs waited. There was always more.

"Two perfectly healthy young men, that's what you see here. Except for the injuries related to their staged deaths, there are no indications about how or why they died."

Gibbs raised one eyebrow. "The perfect murder Duck?"

Ducky smiled. "No such thing. But whoever the killer is came mighty close. Mr. Palmer and I have been going over these bodies with a fine toothed comb. The only hint of foul play is this."

He gestured for Gibbs to come closer and held the lighted magnifying glass for him to see. It was a tiny red mark with a faint blue ring around it. "I believe it's a puncture mark from a needle," Ducky explained. "The redness and bruising indicated that it was stabbed into the poor man's carotid artery rather violently, just shortly before his death. The other has one just like this in the exact same place. But I can't find a trace of any lethal or non-lethal drugs in either of their systems. Abby said their tox screens came back negative." Ducky got a faraway look in his eye. "You know Jethro, this reminds me of a time when I was a volunteer medical examiner in the Middle East. It was almost thirty years ago now but I remember quite clearly a case..."

Gibbs ignored the beginning of one of Ducky's famous monologues and grabbed his cell.

"David," Ziva answered.

"Ziva, I want you in Autopsy now."

"Of course," she said, sounding confused.

When she walked into Autopsy a few minutes later, he fixed her with a Gibbs' stare. "What drugs can you use to kill people that won't show up in a blood test?"

Ziva looked slightly taken aback, but moved closer and stood a few feet from him in the position of a soldier at rest. "There are many ways that I can think of to kill without leaving a trace. But insulin and kalium are two of the easiest drugs to use. They can be obtained over the counter at any drugstore and they metabolize quickly, making them untraceable in the body."

Gibbs paced back and forth between the two Autopsy tables. "Who would know to use those?" he demanded.

Ziva shrugged. "An assassin. Possibly a medical or forensic student. Or anyone who has access to the internet."

Gibbs was already dialing. "Tony!" he barked.

"Yes Boss?"

"I want every person on that base with medical training checked for any connection to our victims. Then track down their families and find out if anyone they are related to has that kind of training. I also want you to find out if there have been any other suspicious deaths on that base in the last two years."

"Got it."

Gibbs hung up. "You find anything else Ducky, you let me know." He and Ziva left for the elevator. "Our killer may have just left us his mark."

**NCIS**

It was nearing 1530 and Jenny Gibbs had yet to see her husband, which was unusual these days. On normal days, if they had any, he would be able to sneak up at least twice by now, if not more often. Of course, there wasn't really a need to sneak anymore. She turned her attention back to the protection plan update SecNav had required her to review and sighed. At times like these she wished the official paperwork was written in English instead of a combination of legalize and military speak.

Jenny glanced at the clock. She really hoped Jethro was able to take his "coffee break". Being that he hadn't come to see her, he was probably busy making progress towards solving his case. He was just too stubborn not to find the answers.

**NCIS**

"What do you mean we have nothing?" Gibbs repeated.

Tony was just as frustrated. "Just that, nothing. No other suspicious deaths on base. Nothing hinky with any medical personnel on base and no medical professionals in their family." He tossed the file onto his desk, disgusted. "We've got nothing."

"Well, unless a ghost killed them DiNozzo, we are missing something!"

Ziva stood up and joined the others in the center of the room. "It could be an assassin."

"Hired to kill a Sergeant and a Petty Officer?" Tony scoffed. "What fantasy book were you reading last night?"

Ziva crossed her arms and glared at him. "We know it isn't someone in their family. A person doing research on the internet would not have the technical skills to dissect the security tape. And it doesn't appear to be anyone on base. Assassins know how to blend in and become invisible when necessary."

"Something you know from experience, Zee-vah?" Tony mocked her.

"I was trained to become whatever I needed to be!" Ziva spit back, her eyes flashing.

"So why send an assassin after these two?" Gibbs mused, ignoring their scrapping.

"It could be a grudge from their past," Ziva offered. "Maybe they borrowed money from the wrong people or got involved with drugs or the mafia."

Before Tony had a chance to start listing off the best ever mafia movies of the 50s and 60s, McGee nodded. "Yeah, Ziva that's a good point. The area they're from is big, old time mafia country."

"McGee, check back as far as their grandparents for any mafia connections no matter how slim. If it's his grandpa's cousin's ex-boyfriend's niece's best friend, I want to know about it. These two are cousins, their deaths may be pay off on an old debt." He checked his watch. "I'm going for coffee."

Gibbs made for the elevator while the team scrambled to dig up information so they could run with this new lead. When Gibbs got back he'd expect them to know all the answers.

**NCIS**

The tray Gibbs carried into Autopsy held three coffees. Palmer was nowhere to be seen and Ducky sat at his desk, a pot of tea occupying one corner. He looked up when the doors swooshed open.

"Jethro," he said in surprise, "to what do I owe this unexpected visit?"

Gibbs silently removed one of the coffees and handed it to his friend.

Ducky's eyebrows raised as he accepted the drink. "It's a rare moment when you bring me coffee old friend. What's wrong?" Then he answered his own question. "It's Jennifer, isn't it?"

Gibbs nodded, sipping his hot coffee. "Yeah. She's got another shrink appointment today and it's been requested that I accompany her."

"That's very wise," Ducky agreed, tasting the coffee. He didn't often drink the stuff, but he knew Gibbs needed an excuse to have a conversation. He wasn't the type of man who could easily admit he needed help from another.

Gibbs rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know what to say to a shrink Ducky. I guess I'll just be Jenny's moral support. You know, let it be about her and listen instead of talk."

Ducky set his drink down and crossed his arms, regarding the man before him carefully. "Do you think this is only Jenny's problem Jethro?"

"Of course not." Gibbs looked up. "What happened to her affects both of us, in almost every way. I just want her to know she'd not alone in this."

"Sometimes what you do has far greater meaning than what you say," Ducky explained. "Have you tried serving her? By that I mean helping with things around the house, the laundry or cleaning. Do you play the gentleman, opening car and building doors for her? What about getting her a present for no reason at all except to say I love you one more time? Have you taken her out on a date, making sure she knows there is no pressure at all for anything physical between the two of you? Or gone for a walk just because? Or are you always thinking about how to fix this and make it better so you can get back to having the wife you know and love and all the benefits that go along with that? Has it even crossed your mind that Jennifer may not be that person anymore, that the trauma has changed her in fundamental ways?"

Gibbs frowned. "The point, Ducky?" He didn't need to see two shrinks today.

Ducky came over and put his hands on Gibbs' shoulders. "Let today's session be about Jennifer by all means Jethro, but remember that she is not the only one who must heal from what was done. She was not the only one who was violated." He sat back down at the desk, his back to Gibbs. The man needed time to think. "Thank you for the coffee Jethro."


	49. Chapter 49

Gibbs stood in the elevator, watching the lights blink from side to side as they approached the sixth floor. The doors slid open and he was surprised to see his wife waiting there. He handed her one of the coffees he held as she stepped in and stood beside him.

"Jethro," she smiled, "I see the timing on your famous gut is as accurate as ever." She breathed in the aroma of the fresh brew and shook her head. French vanilla, her favourite. She leaned closer and slipped her hand into her husband's. "Thank you for coming," she said softly, thinking he seemed quieter than usual.

Gibbs ran his thumb lightly over the back of Jenny's hand in response, watching her out of the corner of his eye. He had a lot on his mind. Gosh darn Ducky and making him think too much! All he wanted to do was help his wife, but there was so much more to it than he'd thought, so many ways to not get it right. He took another drink of his coffee and thought about the things Ducky had mentioned. This was something he could not afford to get wrong.

**NCIS**

Tony and Ziva stood in the viewing room, watching the little man who sat in interrogation. They'd dug into Jordan Snow and Ethan Whiddon's pasts as far back as their grandparents, per Gibbs' orders. And only one name had come up connecting the two: Vincent Martinelli. The small man they'd arrested had been Vincent's lieutenant back in the day. The team had decided to let him stew for awhile, awaiting Gibbs' return from getting coffee, which was taking far longer than any of them would ever dare to be absent from the squadroom or investigation. But they were not the boss.

"Where is McGee?" Ziva asked, giving the room a cursory glance, having just now noticed him missing.

Tony shrugged. "Down in the lab. Said he had something to show Abby." He thought about it a moment. "You don't think the two of them would...nah, they wouldn't."

"Wouldn't what?" Ziva questioned, not following Tony's twisted line of thought.

"You know," he wiggled his eyebrows meaningfully and grinned, "break Rule 12."

Ziva scowled and swatted him. "Get your mind out of the sewer Tony. Abby and McGee are best friends, nothing more."

"It's 'gutter' Ziva."

"What is?"

"The place where my mind is." He held up his hands innocently. "I can't help it. We all know they dated before Probie was transferred here. I mean, look what happened to the last NCIS couple that used to have a thing - now they're married for crying out loud! I just don't trust my dating detector anymore."

"Well," Ziva contemplated her partner's logic, "she did ask him to walk her to her car last night."

"Moonlight, dark parking lot, silence, no one else around...we all know where that can lead." Tony winced, imagining it.

"Car sex?" Ziva looked confused.

He frowned. "Now whose mind is in the gutter? Not car sex Ziva - romance. Which is worse. Our little geek couple might be falling in love." Tony sighed dramatically.

Ziva rolled her eyes. "I think you are pulling my foot."

"Leg, Ziva, I'm pulling your leg. Or maybe I'm not. Gosh, how hard is it to get your English phrases right?"

Quick as a flash Ziva put him in a choke hold and brought her mouth to his ear. "I speak five languages, I am not an American and I can kill you with a credit card. Now, what were you saying about my English?"

"Nothing," Tony croaked, his face going red, "nothing at all. Ziva," he panted, "can't breathe."

Ziva released him and Tony retreated to the far side of the room, rubbing his neck. "Ow. Jeez, was that really necessary? That's it, next time we go undercover, you sleep on the couch. And I'm bringing earplugs," he muttered to himself.

Ziva's dark eyes held his. "You are assuming I would even go undercover with you again."

"Come on, you liked it."

Her eyebrows rose. "Liked what, exactly? You pretending to make love? We did not do anything!"

Tony lowered his voice and faced her, moving closer. "Maybe next time I won't pretend."

"And maybe next time I will just kill you instead of saving you from the other assassins." She flipped her hair and went for the door. "I am going to call Gibbs and tell him we have got a suspect."

Tony stared after her, still trying to work out what just happened. It almost felt like a moment.

**NCIS**

"Hey Abby!" McGee greeted her when he walked into the lab.

"McGee!" Abby spun around with a smile to hug him but stopped mid-motion. "Aww, you brought me a Caf-Pow! That's sweet McGee."

He held it back when she put out her hands. "What'll you give me for it?"

Abby crossed her arms. "Blackmail McGee?"

"Or an excuse to get a kiss from my girlfriend?" he countered.

Abby stilled for a moment, letting the warm glow of that word sweep over her. She was Tim's girlfriend now. Last night had kind of decided that for them, they'd waited long enough and both wanted to be together. No more being jealous when Tim talked about a new girl (because he wouldn't) or feeling like she was missing out (because she wasn't). She loved the feeling.

"Compromise?" Abby leaned up and kissed his cheek. "We'll save the good stuff for later."

McGee relinquished the Caf-Pow! without protest. "Abby..." his tone was both a warning and a question mark.

She sucked on the straw and grinned at him. He was so fun to tease. "Chill Tim, I'm not trying to seduce you. Well," she considered, "maybe I am, a little. But I won't. Scout's honour."

He shook his head. All he had to do was look at her and he was effected. "Quiet down here?"

"Since this morning. Although I've been re-running their clothes, looking for traces of anything. But I'm guessing an assassin wouldn't be that careless."

"Not if they're anything like Ziva," McGee agreed.

Abby eyed him suspiciously. "Why are you down here brining me Caf-Pow! Where's Gibbs?"

"Relax Abbs, he's just taking a coffee break." Ever since Gibbs had retired and gone to Mexico, Abby got very agitated when he wasn't in the building or close by. "Tony and Ziva are babysitting our suspect and I wanted to see you."

She leaned into him and smiled. "'Kay." Abby was quiet for a moment, thinking. "You know what we should do?"

"Hmm?" Tim asked, hoping it involved them and a movie they wouldn't be paying much attention to so they had an excuse to do some cuddling and maybe some more kissing.

"Something for the Director and Gibbs. You know, to celebrate them being married."

"Oh," that had not been even close to what he'd been thinking.

She faced him. "You don't like it?"

"Huh? Oh, no, that sounds..." he hesitated. "I don't know. Does Gibbs even go to parties?"

Abby shoved his shoulder. "It doesn't have to be a party Timmy. It could just be us, the team, taking them out for drinks or dinner some night."

Tim imagined them all squeezed into a large restaurant booth and smiled at the image, knowing he'd be claiming a seat by Abby. "I like it." He checked his watch. "Hey, how about tonight? We've got a suspect upstairs. Even if he is former mafia, I don't think it'll take Gibbs too long to break him. Especially not with the evidence we have - he doesn't talk and we can still get him for both murders, at least as an accessory. Even if we end up going out late, it can still be a celebration."

Abby's face lit up and she tackled him with one of her famous hugs. "Let's go find Tony and Ziva. No wait, Ducky first because he's closer. Yay! This is going to be great! I love celebrating."

"Only if Gibbs agrees," McGee pointed out as she dragged him towards the elevator.

"He'll say yes," she assured. "I'm his favourite, remember? Plus, Jenny will back us up."

"Whatever you say Abbs," McGee replied. You just never knew with Gibbs.

_A/N: Sorry about the shorter chapter, the next one I'm sure will be longer - Gibbs and Jenny's session with Dr. R. A special thanks to everyone who has reviewed my story, especially __**jstapny**__ and __**Silverfox2159 **__who have reviewed pretty much every chapter. The feedback has been so great and I'm really looking forward to where the story goes from here. Thanks for reading guys!_


	50. Chapter 50

_A/N: Hey guys! I know you've been waiting for this chapter. I really hope it lives up to expectations. If it doesn't, I'd love for you to let me know what you think I should've had them do/say. Thanks and enjoy! _

Gibbs and Jenny stepped off the elevator at the third floor and Jenny lead the way to Dr. Renway's office. The receptionist smiled in recognition and nodded towards the door. Jenny knocked and Kristyn's familiar voice called, "Come in."

Jenny took a deep breath and felt Gibbs reclaim her hand. She wasn't sure if having him here would make it easier or harder, but even so, she was glad to have him beside her.

Pushing open the door, they entered Kristyn's comfortable office. "Jenny, hello," the doctor smiled and her eyes lit up when she saw Gibbs. "Oh, I'm so glad your husband was able to make it!" She held out her hand. "I'm Dr. Kristyn Renway, but please, call me Kristyn."

"Gibbs," he said in his usual no nonsense tone. When she opened her mouth to ask, he repeated it. "Just Gibbs."

Kristyn nodded as if that brief exchange had told her a lot about him. "Please have a seat."

He and Jenny each took a cushion on the couch, leaving a couple inches between them and keeping their fingers linked. Kristyn sat opposite them in her strange, geometric style chair, observing them silently before she began. It unnerved Gibbs, which said a lot, and just made Jenny more nervous, so she tightened her hold on Gibbs' hand a little more and he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Okay," Kristyn began, "I'm really glad you're both here today. In situations like this I always recommend that the couple get counseling together, because healing from the trauma of rape," Jenny stiffened, already ill at ease, "is a long process and something both partners must do."

The therapist made eye contact with each person. "So, tell me about your weekend."

Jenny and Gibbs shared a glance, the first time their eyes had met since she walked on the elevator. Jenny knew it might take a lot to get Gibbs to talk, so she thought back to the weekend for a moment before she spoke.

"Friday was a strange day."

"In what way?" Kristyn asked, her pen poised to take notes.

Jenny shifted. "I was pretty distant. But Jethro wouldn't let me stay that way. I told him about what happened later that night."

Kristyn aimed her gaze at Gibbs. "How did that make you feel, hearing about what your wife went through?"

Gibbs stared the woman down for several seconds before he decided if he was going to answer the question. But her eyes were sincere and her gaze never wavered under his scrutiny. For Jenny's sake, he chose to work with the woman.

He rolled his shoulder. "It was hard," he admitted. "What I'd heard in the interrogation made me furious, but to hear it from Jenny made the pain much more personal."

Jenny looked at her husband in something close to shock. More than a one word answer? And being honest with a shrink? She was going to have to check for a fever later.

The doctor nodded. "What are you doing to deal with your anger?"

"Building a boat."

Kristyn's brow furrowed. "You're building...a boat." Gibbs nodded. "Okay, good. Well, physical labour can definitely help you to work out your emotions. It might help to have a couple other things you can turn to if you feel your anger starting to take over. Just something to think about."

Gibbs remembered being at the batting cage and how that had helped, about going to the shooting range and picturing the guy as the target. He thought about the relief he got from working on his boat and agreed.

Then it was Jenny's turn again. "What happened after Friday?"

Jenny thought about the morning they spent cuddling in bed, the moment they put their rings back on for good and how good everything had been until that afternoon.

"Saturday morning was very relaxing, but," she slanted her eyes towards Gibbs, "Jethro tried to give me a back massage later and I...freaked out."

"Why?" Kristyn prodded. Details were good.

Jenny rubbed her forehead with her free hand. "I don't know what it was exactly. A flashback, a memory? But it wasn't distinct. Just a feeling of immediate panic and I tried to fight my husband off as if he were hurting me. But he wasn't," she assured.

"It's not at all unusual for a woman to fight back during flashbacks, especially if she wasn't able to fight back during the actual rape." She looked back through her notes. "Last time we were talking about how you felt being touched. Any progress in that area?"

Jenny elbowed her husband, thinking of his not so subtle "experiment" from Saturday night.

He flexed his fingers. "We've worked on it some the last couple days, but," he turned so he could see his wife's eyes, hoping she could read the apology in his, "I think I've been trying to rush things." He ran his thumb over Jenny's and faced the counselor again. "It's just that, for the most part, Jen's been acting like she's fine, so I forget sometimes that she isn't yet."

Kristyn was beginning to see that Jenny had married a good man. She nodded, understanding the dilemma. Time to lay the facts out for Jenny. "That's a very good point Mr. Gibbs. Jenny, how have you been dealing with your emotions and feelings about the rape?"

_I hate that word, I hate that word, I hate that word!_ Jenny fingered the end of her hair and studied the pattern on the carpet. Finally she looked up and met Kristyn's eyes. "I don't know," she shrugged. "When it comes to touching and being close to my husband, I try to just get used to with. With everything else...I think I just try to forget."

Kristyn's eyes softened. "Jenny, I know it's natural to want to keep it all locked inside, but that is not going to help you get better. In fact," she tapped her pen against her folder, "I guarantee doing that will make everything worse. See, emotions are tricky things. You can't stuff them down inside and hope they will go away. Suppressed emotions only hide for awhile and then return. They'll keep coming up again and again and getting in the way of your life until you deal with them."

Jenny could feel tears and blinked them back. She was so tired of carrying these feelings around. "How?" she whispered.

"Any way you want Jenny," Dr. Renway replied. "Do whatever works. Scream into a pillow. Take your anger out on a punching bag - but don't try fighting with anyone," she cautioned, "it might bring you too close to the feeling of the attack. Or if you like to journal, write it down. Writing is extremely therapeutic, just getting your thoughts down on paper. Write how you're feeling and what you remember. Make goals for yourself. I promise this won't last forever."

Jenny nodded, not sure if she believed the woman. She was not going to write it down, that was for sure. The last thing she wanted was a reminder around all the time. Not that her memory wasn't doing that job just fine.

"This is a good place to bring up anything that is bothering either of you," Kristyn continued, "because while we're here we can work on things. Is there anything anyone wants to mention right now?" She let the silence settle and gave them time to think while she reviewed some of her notes.

Gibbs sighed. This was not something he would ever have done if Jenny hadn't asked. But since they were here, someone else may as well know what he was concerned about. Kristyn being a woman, she might be able to get Jenny to listen in a way he and Ducky probably couldn't.

"She's not eating. It's been more than a week and I'm concerned."

Jenny gave Jethro a look. "I'm fine," she said firmly, her tone conveying her dislike for his choice of topic. "It's not a big deal. I'm just not hungry right now." She didn't mention the nausea or the way her stomach felt unsettled at the thought of food. _Just leave it alone_, she thought darkly, ready to give her husband a piece of her mind when they left the room.

Dr. Renway raised eyebrows that said she did not believe Jenny's answer. To Gibbs she said, "You may not understand it Mr. Gibbs, but it's actually a fairly common reaction to what your wife has been through. Many women feel like everything about their attack was out of their control. So when they get back to their lives, they fight back by taking control in any way they can. It can be the amount of food they eat, the number of people they allow close to them, or just by going back to work and trying to get on with their lives, not being trapped by a victim mentality. Which brings up another important point. Have you been thinking of your wife as a victim Mr. Gibbs?"

"Isn't she?" Gibbs liked to be the one asking the questions.

"No," Kristyn stated firmly, "she is not. Jenny lived through the attack Mr. Gibbs. Your wife is not a victim, she is a survivor. That is how you should be seeing her." She turned to Jenny. "I understand that what you've been through is hard to process and that the way you're treating food is a reaction to everything. But if you keep it up, I'm going to get worried. I don't want to have to start monitoring your food intake."

The woman glanced at her notes, looking for a point she wanted to elaborate on. The clock said time was passing quickly and she had a lot more she wanted to cover before they left.

"Something I wanted to mention is that just because you've been working on touches or it's getting easier for Jenny to handle, doesn't mean the struggled is over. Sometimes the symptoms of RTS don't show up right away."

"RTS?" Both husband and wife looked confused.

"Rape Trauma Syndrome," Kristyn clarified. "The first stage you've already been through - trying to go back to work immediately after, not wanting to talk about what happened with me or your husband. The acute stage is where you are now - not wanting to think about it, no appetite, trying to rediscover the kind of closeness you want with your husband, not dealing with your feelings in the 'everything is fine' approach. The next stage is going to be the hard part, or should I say, the harder part. It's going to get worse."

"Worse?" Jenny repeated. "What kind of worse?"

Kristyn's expression was sympathetic. "Nightmares, not being able to sleep well, becoming extra-sensitive and jumpy at the slightest things, deep anger at your attacker for what he stole, intense flashbacks where you could swear you're back in the bunker, possible panic attacks when a situation makes you feel out of control." She saw the look in Jenny's eyes: dread. "I'm not trying to scare either of you, but I want you t o be prepared for what may be coming, to give you a little idea of what to expect."

"So," Gibbs gestured with the hand that wasn't holding Jenny's, "when all this happens, what do we do?"

"Good question," the doctor nodded, "and I like your use of 'we', because this is definitely something you will have to face together. Though to be honest, how you deal with this next stage with be more of a trial and error process, learning what works best for you. But there are suggestions from those who have been there, places to start." She focused on Jenny. "If you are dealing with a flashback, it's important to remind yourself that it's only a memory and you are safe now, no matter how real it feels. You might want to keep some small object in your pocket to hold onto that will help keep you grounded in this reality or focus on your surroundings. After it's over, talk about it or write it down, get it out of your head."

She took a breath and continued. "If it's waking from a nightmare that leaves you shaken and scared to go back to sleep, have a nightlight plugged in to break up the dark or, silly as it may sound, keep a cuddle toy on your bed that you can reach for. Or there's always your husband, since he's close by." Looking at Gibbs she gave some advice. "Let Jenny know that she can wake you up no matter what time it is if she has a nightmare and it won't go away. Remind her that she's safe. But don't try to touch her after a flashback or nightmare Mr. Gibbs, because it will be too close."

"Yeah," Gibbs agreed, "already learned that the hard way."

Kristyn continued. "If it's an anxiety attack, get away from people to somewhere quiet and take slow, deep breaths. Give yourself a point on the wall to focus on and count your breaths until the panic subsides. Once you can breathe normally, the panic won't feel so intense."

The therapist sat back in her chair and regarded the couple seriously. "The biggest and most important thing is just to be patient with yourself. Some days will be harder than others and sometimes you may have to take a break from normal life and let yourself rest."

She smiled. "Now, I realize I've been doing most of the talking. Do you have any questions? Anything you want to bring up either for me to help you with or to each other?"

Jenny shook her head. She didn't want to talk about anything. It was harder to be honest with Jethro there. Some things she might want to talk about or ask questions about were also things she didn't want to bring up with her husband sitting right there.

Gibbs held still and kept quiet. He knew he needed to talk to his wife and apologize for trying too hard and being so selfish about it. But that was going to happen when they were alone, not in front of some shrink who was watching and recording everything they did during the session.

"Okay," Kristyn said, after giving them time to think about it, "then let me ask a question. It's ten days since Jenny was rescued. It may feel like yesterday some moments and it may feel like months ago in others. Besides kissing and touching, have you two talked about or tried anything else physically?"

Gibbs glared at the woman. _Not telling you anything_, he thought. They were entitled to some privacy. Jenny briefly thought back to them laying in bed making out, to their bath together yesterday and decided she had no comment.


	51. Chapter 51

Kristyn smiled at them. "While I completely understand you not wanting to share any of those details with me, I cannot stress how important it is to talk about intimacy with each other. As embarrassing as it may sound, it is crucial to make sure you are both on the same page and that you each know what the other's thoughts are on the subject. Schedule some time to sit down and discuss it. The what ifs and when, the how and what is different now from before. Create a stop signal, something that Jenny can do if she becomes afraid or uncomfortable that will get your attention. Maybe she squeezes your shoulder or arm - whatever it is just make sure it will get the point across."

The doctor tilted her head to the side. "And I know I'm starting to sound like a broken record, but just be patient with yourself and with each other. As much as you may feel like there is, there isn't any rush. Be aware that in some cases, the act of making love can trigger a flashback and that will have to be dealt with and talked about before you can go any further. Also, don't feel that there is any need to jump right back into intimacy. Take a breath, don't put any pressure on yourself and let healing happen at it's own pace."

"Normal touching is incredibly effective in helping to draw a couple closer," Kristyn went on to say, "but at the end of the day, you don't have to have sex, just enjoy being together. It's all about the simple stuff right now. Mr. Gibbs," she turned her gaze to him, "I want to warn you that Jenny may not act rationally at times. She may cry or get angry at you but the next moment go back to normal, as if nothing happened. When she needs space, please don't take it as a rejection of you. You know she loves you, I can see that she does, but Jenny also needs time to rebuild her trust and confidence, and as well, time to heal from what happened."

"Here," she leaned forward and handed him a pamphlet. "That details the effects of rape and gives suggestions of ways you can support Jenny through it. The information in there will also teach you how to work through your own emotions about the situation. Jenny," she looked back at the red haired woman whose expression was so serious, "I want you to know that your husband is not pushing you to be okay with his touch simply because he only wants one things from you. Anyone watching the two of you can see you mean far more to him than that. But I do think it is a reacion to the guilt he is feeling over not being able to protect you. Just keep that in mind."

She put her notes down and sat up straight. "We're pretty much out of time now, but there are just a few things I'd like to add before you go. Mr. Gibbs, I think it would be a good idea for you to come with your wife to her appointment next Monday. We can go over a few more things all together, and after that I'll see how things everything is progressing."

"For both of you to remember: Mr. Gibbs, no pushing. Jenny, no hiding. Talk to each other, keep those lines of communication open. Don't push each other away, because you are stronger together. Intimacy is one part connection and one part trust. Connection is built on openness and openness comes through trust. It's a great big circle that way. You need all the parts to make it work."

Kristyn held Jenny's eyes. "We teach people how best to love us. You taught your husband once, now you must teach him again. And you must be a careful learner Mr. Gibbs," she said sincerely. "In some ways your wife will always be different than she was because of this experience. For some things you will always need to be careful. Forget everything you knew, listen to what she is telling you now. _Wait. Be patient. Love me in this._ This is not going to be an easy process. It is going to be hard and it is going to take time. Sometimes it will be annoying and uncomfortable. But if you lean on each other, I believe you will make it."

She stood up and smiled at the couple. "Thank you both very much for coming. Jenny, I'll see you on Friday."

And just like that, the session was over. Jenny and Gibbs thanked Kristyn and left, their heads spinning with all the information she had given them.

"Well," Jenny said, leaning back against the elevator wall, "what did you think?"

"Could've been worse," Gibbs shrugged, standing opposite her. "Lot to take in though."

"Tell me about it," Jenny laughed. "I'm not really looking forward to all of the 'could happens' that Kristyn mentioned."

"One day at a time Jen, try not to worry about tomorrow quite yet." He looked at his watch. "I really need to get back Jen, but there's something more important first." He flipped the switch and the elevator stopped. He held out his hands to his wife, who looked at him questioningly before resting her hands in his. "Jenny, I'm sorry." Her face registered surprise. "I know, I know, the rule. But this is more important. Ducky was right when he told me this morning and I meant it when I told your therapist I was rushing things."

He stepped closer, wanting to touch her face. He held his hand just beside her cheek and waited. When Jenny realized her that he was asking, she nodded. He cupped her cheek. "I'm sorry Jen," he repeated in a whisper. "I want to be with you so badly, I want to fix this, I don't want anything to get in the way of us. But the last think I want to do is hurt you in any way or set your healing back. From now on it's your lead and I promise I'll be a better listener this time. Forgive me?"

His lips here so close to hers, his eyes telling her that he wanted to kiss her. But Leroy Jethro Gibbs was a man of his word and it was her move now.

"Yes," she breathed on his lips, before she pressed her mouth against his. When she put drew arms around his neck, Gibbs reciprocated by putting his arms about her waist.

They broke apart and Gibbs heard Jenny's quiet laugh. "What?" he asked, smiling as he let the elevator resume it's movement.

"Can you imagine what 'the kids' would do if they caught us kissing in your conference room?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Would've caused a much bigger fuss if they'd seen us doing it before the announcement." The elevator dinged. "Your stop," he said to Jenny. "Going home?" he asked, knowing she tended to be drained after a session.

"Can't today," she sighed. "Files to read."

"And I've got a case to close. See you in a couple hours?"

Jenny nodded. "Sounds good." She leaned into him again. "I love you."

He stared into her eyes, brushing her cheek with his thumb. "More than you'll ever know Jen. Bye."

**NCIS**

When Gibbs walked into the bullpen, he was surprised to see his whole team sitting quietly at their desks. McGee had ended up staying upstairs after Abby announced her plan to the world. Tony and Ziva got bored of watching the guy in interrogation sit there and do nothing, and were getting increasingly concerned when they couldn't reach Gibbs.

Tony looked up from dialing the boss's cell number again and put the phone down when he saw Gibbs. "Boss!" he was confused about the lack of coffee after a coffee break but decided it was better not to ask. "Forget your cell phone?"

"Turned it off." Gibbs said abruptly.

"You do know that makes it a lot harder to reach you, right?" Tony asked.

Gibbs glared. "That's kind of the point DiNozzo!" He looked around. "What are you all doing here? Solve the case without me?"

"There's a suspect waiting in interrogation for you right now Boss," McGee interjected. "And Abby has something she wants to ask you."

_I knew I shouldn't have let her hold onto that second question_, Gibbs thought. He headed for interrogation but turned around when no one moved. "Come on!" Like good little lemmings they all fell into line behind him, off to watch the slaughter.

**NCIS**

An hour later, Gibbs threw the little man, Mario, a pad of paper and a pen. "Write it down. I want to know everything - names, addresses, details. It might help keep you from spending the rest of your life in prison." He gestured at the window. Tony could keep an eye on the man while he gave his statement.

So that was it. Two lives and two families destroyed because of a grandfather's reckless choice, thinking he could outsmart the mafia he'd once been a part of. Vincent's replacement had come into power six months ago and began immediately collecting on old debts so he could put his own rules and regulations into place. When Jordan Snow's middle aged parents refused to pay what the men said they owed, the new boss hired an assassin. Jeremiah Cole was one of the best and he was to do the boss's dirty work and take the price owing out of the kids to make their families suffer. _It's always about money_, Gibbs thought wearily, sitting down at his desk.

Around him the team was writing their reports. Half an hour later Gibbs signed off on his and leaned back in his chair. When he opened his eyes, Abby was there.

"Hey Abs," he said. She studied him carefully, making him feel like one of her science experiments. It was not a safe feeling. He lifted an eyebrow. "Help you with something Abby?"

She shrugged, trying to look innocent. "Got any plans for tonight Gibbs?"

"Are you asking me on a date Abby? I don't know what my wife would think about that."

"Gibbs!" Abby swatted his arm. "I'm not asking you out. Well, actually I am, but not just you, you and the director. And it's not only me, but all of us."

"Point, Abby?"Gibbs asked, trying to follow her explanation and ending up lost.

"I believe what our dear Abigail is trying to say, is that we your friends would like to treat you and Jennifer to a late dinner. A quiet celebration, if you will, of your marriage." Ducky stood there smiling, all dressed up and ready to go.

Feeling eyes on him from all around the room and watching Abby's puppy dog look, Gibbs gave up. "Go ask Jenny," he waved Abby upstairs.

"Yes!" DiNozzo punched the air. "Par-tay tonight!"

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Who is driving him home after this 'party'?"

Tim, Ducky and Gibbs tied for, "Not me."

"Hey!" Tony protested. "Who wouldn't want to spend a little extra quality time with all this?" He pointed to himself.

Choosing not to address that comment, Gibbs gave an ultimatum. "Tony, if you cant''drive, you have to go with Ziva."

The look in Tony's eyes was fear. "Boss...you wouldn't?" He felt the Gibbs stare from across the room. "Ohh, you would. You know," he smiled self-consciously, "suddenly I'm feeling like root beer tonight."

"Do you have a problem with my driving Tony?" Ziva inquired, looking dangerous.

"Only if I want to live," he muttered.

Just then Abby emerged from the director's office, dragging a helpless looking Jenny behind her. When they made it as far as Gibbs' desk, Jenny laughed.

"I guess we're going to a party." She shrugged. "It's hard to say no to Abby."


	52. Chapter 52

"How many?" the waitress asked as they all came through the door. The 'adults' looking a little exasperated and the 'kids' following behind them; laughing, joking, teasing and annoying one another.

"Seven," Gibbs announced and Tracy led them to a large, horseshoe shaped booth near the back. There was some shuffling as they tried to figure out who was sitting where. Gibbs kept hold of Jenny's hand, Ducky stayed out of the way as the team negotiated for seats, hoping for an end. McGee wanted to sit beside Abby but didn't want to insist too much and draw attention to them. And Tony and Ziva didn't care as long as they weren't sitting beside each other.

The matter didn't get settled until Gibbs scowled at them all. "Sit!" he barked.

They immediately fell silent and filed in as if his order had suddenly worked out all the kinks. Ziva got the middle, with McGee on one side and Jenny on the other. Abby was in between the 'boys' and Gibbs and Ducky sat to the left of Jenny.

"We're buying," Abby proclaimed, "so get whatever you want."

"Nothing too expensive though, we're all on government salaries," Tony joked. Ziva flicked a straw at him with enough force to be uncomfortable. "What?" he said, his expression guileless.

She rolled her eyes. Tony would never change. He would always be blunt and rude and completely without tact. But as a partner she trusted him to watch her back. For now, that was enough.

Tracey came back a few minutes after they were all settled. "What can I get everyone to drink?"

The whole group settled on various types of pop and Ducky was thinking that it was an interesting psychological reveal to see that their drinks corresponded to their personality types. Abby, as the youngest, got cream soda. Tony, the root beer he mentioned earlier, more of an adolescent drink. McGee went for the slightly more sophisticated Dr. Pepper, while Gibbs went for the more behind the scenes Ginger-Ale. Ziva, who had grown up without a lot of exposure to different soft drinks, chose Mountain Dew because she liked the commercial she'd seen once. Jenny went with classy yet understated Diet Pepsi, and Ducky himself chose a drink from his native Scotland that he was quite pleased to find available on the menu, Irn-Bru.

When they all had received a glass, Ducky held his high and proposed a toast. Sensing a long winded speech that they wouldn't really understand, Abby stole the spotlight. "To Gibbs and the Director! Long live our king and queen!"

That pretty much said it all and cheers resonated around the table while glasses were clinked.

Jenny leaned over like she was about to share a secret. "When we're not in the office, it's Jenny. And thank you everyone. But," she gave them all a hard look, "it's back to Director Shepard tomorrow or this never happens again."

"Yes ma'am!" the team coursed and Gibbs smiled.

"So, how long's it been anyways Boss? When did you and the dir...Jenny, tie the knot?"

"Seven months," Gibbs replied without a single change in facial expression.

Tony choked on his drink and even Ziva looked perturbed. "What?" he gasped when he could breathe again. "Seven months? Wow. I am seriously losing my touch."

"Tony," Abby smiled sadly, putting her hand on his arm, "you just need to get used to the fact that you will never have the investigative skills that we geeks are blessed with." She shared a glance with Tim.

"Oh yeah?" Tony countered. "And when did you find out?"

Abby squirmed and she wouldn't look at him. "Sunday," she said under her breath.

"Hah!" Tony grinned. "That's right, I'm vindicated."

"Get over it DiNozzo," Gibbs snapped. "And you're welcome that we told at all." He squeezed Jenny's hand. "We could've kept it up a lot longer."

"So much for my bets," Tony grumbled, then remembered that admission could totally get him in trouble with both bosses. Before he could fumble for an appropriate cover, their waitress appeared.

Tracy returned with a smile, holding a notepad and pen in front of her, poised to write. "So, what'll it be guys?"

No one had yet had a chance to look at a menu, but when they all looked at each other, somehow they knew. Perhaps the telepathy Abby was convinced she and Gibbs shared was becoming contagious. They faced their waitress and said unanimously, "Pizza!"

**NCIS**

Gibbs had to admit, going out with the team would never be a boring exercise. It had been a night filled with laughter and the usual banter between the 'boys' and Tony and Ziva. Abby grinned throughout the whole meal and Jenny experienced a feeling of connection with these people that she'd never expected. As director of NCIS she tended to hold herself apart from her agents, except for the one she married of course. She didn't want to develop close friendships with them that might undermine their respect for her position. But tonight she realized two things: A) that wasn't going to be a problem. And B) she really wanted to be apart of this family.

Jenny and Jethro entered the house together, still chuckling over the scene they'd left behind, as the team fought for who was paying and how to divide up the bill. Ducky had taken his leave then as well, advising them to corral the 'kids' and then head home to bed. Instead the couple had thanked the team and left them to their own devices, knowing that no matter what happened after 'Mommy and Daddy' left the room, they would still be at their desks at 0730 the next morning, awaiting their master's footsteps down the hall.

Gibbs took care of setting the alarm system when they came in and they didn't bother with any lights, knowing they were heading upstairs to get ready for bed.

"You can have the bathroom first," he told Jenny, "I think I need a glass of water."

"Okay," she smiled. "Can you bring me up one too?"

"Will do."

Once he was certain she was safely upstairs, Gibbs reached into the fridge for the box he'd entrusted to her security detail earlier, knowing they had keys and were trustworthy. He tucked it into his jacket pocket then poured them each a glass of water and carried them carefully upstairs. The water was running in the bathroom, so Gibbs knew his wife was still occupied. After delivering the water to their respective bedside tables, he took out the box, removed it's contents and placed it where he was certain she would notice shortly.

Jenny walked out of the bathroom in the process of taking off her earrings. "Your turn."

Gibbs had already managed to change into his pyjamas and he headed into the bathroom without a word.

Jenny stood by the closet while she removed her suit jacket and hung it up. Before getting undressed though, she went to the dresser to find a comfortable pair of pyjamas. And then she stopped. Something was different. There by their wedding photo that she looked at each night before getting into bed, lay today's special message. Two roses, one white and one red, symbolizing unity. Specifically, theirs. She caressed the blossoms and smiled. Seven years that she'd known him, seven years that she'd loved him, seven months that she'd been married to him and still Jethro never ceased to surprise her. She had a feeling the rest of her life would be a learning curve with this man. But it would be worth the ride.

Sliding into bed, Jenny picked up the book she'd been reading last night and started reading where she'd left off, stealing a glance at her flowers every page or so. It didn't take Gibbs long to finish in the bathroom, though Jenny was constantly teasing him about how men actually spent more time there than women, so he kept trying to prove her wrong.

"It's a nice surprise Jethro," she smiled when he came out.

"Thought you'd like that one," he was feeling pretty pleased with himself.

"The same flowers I carried on our wedding day." She shook her head, "Do you always remember the details?"

"Oh," his eyes shadowed, "sometimes I miss all the important ones Jen."

Jenny knit her brows. "How so?"

Gibbs didn't answer her, he just got into bed and sat as she was, his back resting against the pillows and headboard. It had been awhile since they'd done this, just sat in bed at night and shared the time together.

"Hand?" he asked.

Jenny gladly surrendered one of her hands, wondering about his comment but knowing that he would answer her when he was ready, even if that wasn't tonight. "Did you enjoy dinner?"

Gibbs held Jenny's hand tenderly and didn't respond, using his other hand to trace his fingers up and down hers, across her palm, over the back of her hand and around her wrist. Jenny squirmed, her wrists were a little ticklish.

"What did you think of dinner?" she tried again.

"Nice of them." He moved back to her hand, kissing her fingers and drawing circles on her palm.

Jenny was having a hard time not being distracted. "They really do care for you Jethro. You're a good match for them, the center that balances out all their crazy antics and foolish banter. It was really hard to watch them without you last year."

Gibbs eyes met hers. "Don't talk about last year Jen," he said quietly. "That time, that decision, is my Paris."

Jenny knew exactly what he meant. They were both sorry, they had both missed opportunities, the years lost was they price both of them had paid. She changed the subject and laughed softly.

"Did you see Abby and McGee tonight, trying to pretend like they weren't holding hands under the table?"

He placed another kiss on her palm. "I'm going to kill McGee," he declared calmly.

"No, you're not," Jenny told him. "I refuse to give you permission to murder one of my agents just for being in love."

"He's going to regret it." Gibbs reached for her other hand, performing the same ministrations on it as he had on the first one.

"Jethro..." she warned.

"Aww, come on Jen, I have to scare him some. If I wasn't intimidating they would break the rules without thinking about it. Although, come to think of it..." he tried to remember, "Abby and I are going to be having a talk tomorrow and she's going to explain why she lied to me about breaking rule twelve."

She shook her head at her husband, feeling an overwhelming urge to kiss him as he continued his gentle caresses on her hand. "Maybe they weren't dating on Sunday," Jenny suggested.

"I think it's great that you're on their side Jen, every once in awhile they could use an advocate. But I'm not buying it this time. They are in trouble. There is no way that much changed in two days."

Jenny raised an eyebrow at him. "We went from barely speaking to dating in just one evening in your basement," she felt compelled to remind him. "Two days is a lifetime compared to that." He glared at her, it was no fun at all when she was right, and she laughed. "Don't think that your Gibbs stare works on me, I'm invincible."

The thought sobered Jenny. If she was invincible, they would be enjoying each other's bodies right now instead of being content with only the touches Jenny wanted. She pushed the moment away. Right now was a good time, she didn't want to ruin it. Let the dreams come, but let them come tomorrow. Tonight she was just going to sit in bed and be in love with her husband.

Gibbs sensed Jenny's mood turn. He didn't say anything, didn't change what he was doing, and went back to their previous topic of conversation. "Do you think he loves her? McGee?"

Jenny turned his face towards her, the before thought banished. "I don't think anyone else could love her half as much as he does. The signs have been there all along."

He sighed. "I don't want her to get hurt. It didn't end well last time."

"We didn't end well the first time, but thankfully, we seem to be getting our second chance. Maybe this is theirs."

"Are you sure I can't shoot him?"

"Jethro!" she laughed, leaning over to kiss him. It was just a taste, a comfort, an I'm-glad-to-have-you-here moment. "Silly man. Just hug her and say congratulations. You can threaten him with bodily harm if he ever breaks her heart on their wedding day."

Gibbs jerked back. He couldn't think about that now. Years ago Abby had joked about having him walk her down the aisle. He was the closest thing to a father she had, even then. But giving Abby away made him think about what it would've been like to walk Kelly down the aisle and what her wedding day would be like. That was enough to make him want a drink, so he steered clear of the subject and slouched down in the bed.

"Bedtime Jen?" he asked.

She looked at him, love making her eyes soft. Jenny wasn't sure what he'd been thinking, but she was pretty sure it was sad. She scootched down lower, resting her head on the pillows behind her. "Okay," she whispered.

Gibbs kept hold of his wife's hand, tracing patterns on the back of her hand. Jenny just watched him, his concentration on something so small. How was it that something so simple could feel so intimate and loving? How could he make her want him with just a touch like that? Instead of questioning it, she merely smiled, thankful once again for the man that she had married.


	53. Chapter 53

The team had decided the fun didn't have to end just because the guests of honour had gone home. So they went out for drinks once they'd figured out financial logistics at the restaurant. After an hour at the bar, Ziva had picked Tony's pocket and stolen his keys. She'd only had one drink, he'd lost count of his. They left much later with Tony's arm slung around Ziva's shoulders.

"Can I drive?"

"No, you cannot."

"But you drive like a maniac! And what about my car? It's vintage you know."

"You can find it tomorrow Tony. Come on. Time to get you home and into bed."

Tony looked at her with the glazed over eyes of one who has consumed too much alcohol. "Ziva, I thought you'd never ask."

She fought the urge to let go and watch him collapse into a little puddle on the floor. He was her partner, she wasn't supposed to leave him behind. "Not my bed Tony, yours."

"I'm okay with that."

"Tony, do not make me hurt you when you are not able to fight back."

"You wouldn't really hurt me, would you Ziva?" Even his sloshed mind could interpret her expression. "Oh, you would." He looked back over his shoulder at Abby and McGee, still sitting at the bar. "Okay, g'night everyone. You two kids have fun now. Be good. Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Tell me about it tomorrow."

"I think it'd be more dangerous if we did something he would do," Tim said under his breath.

"Come on Tony," Ziva steered him towards the door again. "Good night McGee, Abby."

"See you Ziva," they echoed.

Abby and McGee sat and looked at each other for a moment after their teammates left.

"Come on Abbs," Tim tugged on one of her braids gently. "Time to go home."

He'd only been sipping at his drink all night. He was just a little better than his sister, drinking was not a good idea. He'd figured that out the hard way one night at MIT when he went out with some friends. Some memories he was glad he didn't have. McGee thought he must've perfected the 'Gibbs' sip', pretending to drink without actually swallowing anything. It seemed to work because no one had questioned him.

McGee drove Abby home, she'd come with Gibbs and Jenny to the restaurant so her car was still at NCIS. Not that she could drive it anyways. He noticed Abby weaving a bit as she walked in front of him down the hallway. He unlocked her apartment door when she couldn't seem to make the key go where she wanted. Abby walked in and turned around to lean against the door frame.

"You wanna come in?" she said softly.

Even if she hadn't been slurring her words, Tim still would've said no. "Of course I want to Abby, but you're worth waiting for." He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. "Lock your door. Get some sleep. I'll pick you up tomorrow at 0700."

Abby's expression implied that not everything was making sense. "'Kay. Night Timmy."

McGee waited until he heard the deadbolt and chain lock slide across the door. "Night," he whispered to her closed door. _Love you_, he thought.

**NCIS**

At 0600 the next morning, the alarm clock went off. Jenny groaned and rolled over, reaching for it with her eyes closed, trying to silence the noise. Gibbs reached over at the same time, his arm brushing hers. One of them managed to hit the right button to shut the alarm off.

"Morning," Gibbs mumbled, his eyes not open yet.

Jenny curled up and nestled her head back on her pillow. "Does it have to be?"

"Yeah." He stretched and yawned. "Up and at 'em sleepyhead, I guess." Gibbs turned back to his wife, her position indicating she didn't plan on moving. "You want the shower?"

Frowning, Jenny opened her eyes. "No, go ahead. I need coffee first."

"Okay." He watched her a minute longer, unsure if she was going to get up or fall back to sleep.

She looked up and rolled her eyes. "Go. I'm up."

Very slowly Jenny sat up in bed and slid her legs over the side. She stayed there a moment before finally dropping to the floor and looking for her slippers. Tying on a dressing gown and running her fingers through her tangled mass of wavy red hair, Jenny made her way downstairs. She flipped the on switch for the coffee pot and got out supplies to make it perfect on autopilot.

When the brown liquid started to drizzle into the pot, Jenny's senses slowly began to wake up. With the first sip she could feel her mind flickering to life, like all of Abby's machines when she turned them on. For once Jenny allowed herself the luxury of sitting at the kitchen table and slowly enjoying her coffee. The paper on the table was old, but she flipped through it anyway, reading anything that looked interesting. Finally her husband's voice broke through her peace.

"Jenny!" he yelled from the top of the stairs. "It's 6:25! Are you gonna get ready?"

Her eyes darted to the clock. _Drat!_ "Coming!" she called, dropping her empty coffee mug in the sink and grabbing one for Jethro. She met him with the hot beverage at their bedroom door.

"For you."

"Mmm..." he sniffed it and took a swallow. "Now I'm awake." He looked her over. "You get lost down there?"

Jenny shrugged. "Thought I'd pretend it was Saturday for awhile."

"Okay Jen. But now it's Wednesday again and if you don't hurry you'll have to go to work with Agent McGregor."

"I'll be quick," she promised, disappearing into the bathroom.

As she was undressing, Jenny caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror and noticed that all the marks on her body had begun to fade away._ If only the memories were so quick to heal_, she thought, looking at the red rings still around her wrists. Just like what happened, she wondered if maybe she would carry those scars with her forever.

**NCIS**

It was 0725 and Special Agent Gibbs marched into the squadroom from the back elevator like a man on a mission.

"McGee!" he snapped. "Conference room, now!"

McGee paled and stood, stuttering again like the days when he was fresh from Norfolk. "B-Boss?" he questioned.

Gibbs gave him the stare. "Now," he commanded, leaving no room for questions or hesitation, his tone dangerous.

McGee followed the man to the front elevator, scrambling in his mind to figure out what he might have done to earn Gibbs wrath. The door slid shut and McGee stood there, quaking inside. He was afraid to ask. Gibbs flipped the emergency stop switch and slammed his hand against the wall. Tim jumped.

"What did I tell you McGee?" he demanded.

"About..about what Boss?"

Gibbs got within inches of McGee's face. "Rule 12."

McGee paled even more. "R-Rule 12? I don't...I don't know what..."

Gibbs smacked him in the back of the head. "Rule number seven McGee. Always be specific when you lie."

Tim rubbed a hand down his face. "It's not like I planned to...I mean, well, I hoped for it...but..."

"Keep digging McGee," Gibbs said calmly, his eyes never leaving the younger man's.

"Shutting up now Boss," Tim replied, using Tony's line.

"You better have a darn good reason," McGee winced, "why you didn't ask my permission."

His mouth fell open. "Ask your permission...to break Rule 12?" If he was confused before, now he was totally lost.

"No," Gibbs crossed his arms. "To date the girl who thinks she's my daughter."

"Oh. Ohhh..." McGee dragged the word out as the light went on. His face twisted into a comical look. "I'm sorry Boss?" he offered, not sure what the right answer was.

Gibbs shook his head. "Never apologize McGee. "It's a..."

"...sign of weakness. I know Boss." He locked eyes with Gibbs and finally shrugged. "I don't know what to say."

"Are you serious this time McGee?"

He nodded, standing up straighter. "Yes sir."

"Because this is not a game."

McGee shook his head. "No sir."

"I will not have you messing with her and then leaving her for the next girl that catches your eye." The statement was a test. With very few exceptions, Gibbs knew McGee had only ever had eyes for Abby.

McGee looked like someone had hit him. "I would never!"

Gibbs stared him down for a minute. At last he nodded. "Okay then. You're in this for the long run. Don't blow your second chance McGee. It might be the last one you get."

McGee nodded vigorously, surprised almost into shock when Gibbs laid a hand on his shoulder and squeezed. "Be good to her Tim."

Then he turned around and faced the doors as the elevator began to more. McGee followed Gibbs back into the squadroom, hoping for an excuse to get down to the lab to see Abby soon. She was going to love this.

**NCIS**

Five minutes later than 0730, Tony and Ziva walked in. He'd needed a ride this morning because no DiNozzo stooped to using the bus and he wasn't a hundred percent sure where he'd left his car. Last night was a bit of a blur. Tony had been sure he was hallucinating this morning when he walked into his living room and saw Ziva sleeping on his couch. Or maybe it was a bit of wishful thinking. But whatever it was, he'd fully expected it to be gone after he showered. When she met him in the kitchen with coffee so strong the spoon almost stood up, he'd kept his mouth shut, only nodding when she'd offered a 'Good Morning'. Some things required time to think about.

"You're late," Gibbs growled as they took their seats. He noted Tony's look of I-have-a-hangover-but-I'm-going-to-pretend-I-wasn't-drinking-last-night. "DiNozzo! You alright?" he asked in a loud voice.

Tony winced and Ziva smirked. She'd warned him half a dozen times last night but he had ignored her. It was his own fault.

"Yeah, fine Boss," he said slowly, trying to keep his eyes open. It was too bright today.

The phone rang. "Yeah, Gibbs," he answered. He started to write something down, then hung up the phone. "Let's go!" he said. "The Director wants us all in MTAC."


	54. Chapter 54

Because of what the team had seen in MTAC, McGee was sent down to collaborate with Abby on a technical glitch. That was better than having it read in an official report that they'd been ordered to hack into some highly confidential information. It was silent in the lab for awhile except for the clack of computer keys and the occasional exchange of geek speak between the two as Abby asked McGee to open port such and such and McGee reminded Abby to watch out for the protocols attached to this or that firewall.

They worked seamlessly together, almost reading each other's minds when it came to computer stuff. That's why McGee knew they were going to make it. Like peanut butter and jelly, computers and keyboards, Gibbs and NCIS, they just fit together. Two hours later they sat back in their chairs with big smiles on their faces as the screens displayed the information they sought.

"Way to go McGee!" Abby praised, holding up her hand for a high-five.

"Nah, that last bit was all you Abbs."

"Thank you," she pretended to curtsy. "So, how's today going?"

Tim laced his fingers behind his head. "I survived an interrogation with your father this morning."

"My...father?" Abby's brows knit in confusion. Her dad was dead. Then understanding dawned. "Oh, Gibbs." She put her hand on McGee's shoulders, looking him over. "My poor Timmy!" she cried. "Any bruises? Broken bones?" she lifted an eyebrow. "Sore spot on the back of your head?"

"No. No. Well, maybe a little." He took one of her hands. "Gibbs scared the crap out of me before I figured out what it was about. He really loves you Abby."

Abby grinned. "I know. I've got great guys in my life. Dad. Big brother. Best friend/boyfriend. I'm a lucky girl." Her eyes were twinkling.

_And hopefully I'm more someday in the not too distant future_, Tim thought, looking into her eyes. He wondered if Ziva would go with him to look at rings in a couple months. Abby need something unique, like a gothic style engraved ring with a black diamond and blood red rubies maybe. Or something._ Don't rush it Tim, _he told himself_, just enjoy the fact that she's your girlfriend and let the rest happen how it happens_. He tended to plan to much. This time McGee just wanted to live in the moment with Abby.

"Well, are you gonna kiss me McGee? Or just stand there staring at me?" Abby asked after a minute.

"I'll take option one." He leaned down and brushed her lips with his.

Just then the elevator dinged and Abby pulled back. "Yikes! It's Gibbs. We're in trouble. Quick!" she darted behind McGee. "Hide me!"

"No." Gibbs walked in and shook his head, pointing at his junior agent. "Take what you've found up to Je...the Director." McGee hesitated. "Go."

McGee looked between Gibbs and Abby and nodded. "Yes Boss."

"Traitor!" Abby hissed after him. "Hi Gibbs," she waved innocently. "What a surprise...to find you here...in my lab. Can I..help you with something?"

He turned her chair around and pushed it towards her. "Sit. You and I are going to have a talk."

Abby visibly cringed as she perched nervously on the edge of the chair. She held up her hands. "Okay, before you say anything Gibbs, I swear I wasn't lying to you on Sunday. McGee and I...that happened Monday night."

Gibbs crossed his arms. "When were you going to tell me, Abs?"

She bit her lip. "Umm...now?"

Gibbs leaned back in his chair. "McGee's a good man Abby."

"I know," she swallowed.

"I hope you're not playing games with his heart this time. He was really hurt the last time it ended."

Gibbs not on her side, that was something new. Abby shook her head. "No, not playing games. I wasn't ready last time, but Timmy...he waited for me." She twisted her fingers together and looked at Gibbs. "I think he loves me Gibbs."

Gibbs smiled and held out his arms, cradling Abby against his shoulder. "Oh, I know he does Abs. I wouldn't let him within a mile of you if I didn't think he was serious about this." He pulled back. "Are you serious about it Abby?"

She nodded. "Timmy's mine. I'm definitely gonna keep him forever. Promise, Gibbs."

He kissed her on the forehead. "Make good use of your second chance Abby, there are those who aren't lucky enough to get one."

Abby hugged him again. "Thanks Gibbs."

He smiled. _I love you_, he signed and Abby beamed.

Gibbs headed for the door. "Oh, Abby?"

She turned around. "Yeah?"

"No making out in the lab." He shook his finger at her and left.

**NCIS**

"I trust everyone survived their interrogations today?" Jenny asked as she settled into the car beside her husband that night.

Gibbs chuckled. "I put the fear of God into McGee before shocking him speechless when I told him to take care of my girl."

"You're mean." Jenny shoved his shoulder. "And Abby?"

"Well," Gibbs rubbed his chin, " can't really raise my voice to Abby."

"Pushover."

"Guilty." He held out his hand to her and Jenny slid her fingers between his. "So, what should we have for supper? We finally managed to leave work at a sane hour."

Jenny contemplated their options. "It might have to be something simple like grilled cheese or soup. I think we're running out of food."

"We need to buy some steaks for your house," Gibbs stated.

"You would eat steak every night if we kept it around the house."

"There something wrong with that?"

She leaned over and patted his stomach. "Only if you want to lose to Tony at your next fitness qualifications."

"Are you saying I'm fat?" Gibbs joked.

Jenny shook her head. "Not playing that game."

He kissed her hand and they sat in silence the rest of the way home. When he pulled the car into the driveway, the first thing he noticed was that the lights were on. Gibbs automatically reached for his gun.

"You leave the lights on this morning?" he asked.

Jenny shook her head, then shrugged. "Maybe in the kitchen."

"Wait here," he commanded.

Jenny sighed. "Jethro, a burglar is not going to announce his presence by turning all the lights on."

"Jen, stay behind me!" he protested when she reached for the door handle.

The door swung open to reveal Jenny's housekeeper, Noemi. Gibs breathed a sigh of relief and dropped his hand.

"Senora! Mr. Gibbs!" Noemi greeted her boss and her boss's husband. "Buenos Noche. Como estas?"

"Bueno Noemi, gracias," Jenny smiled, leaning down to hug the small woman.

Noemi shook her finger at Jenny as they followed her inside. "Ms. Jenny, you and Mr. Gibbs make big mess while I am away."

Gibbs held up his hands in surrender. "Guilty. Sorry Noemi. We just can't function without you." He sniffed the air. "Is that...supper I smell?" he asked hopefully.

Noemi nodded. "Si Senor Gibbs. All is ready."

"How was your trip Noemi?" Jenny asked. "Su familia es buena?"

"Si. Mi mama very happy to have Noemi home for a visit. But I am glad to get back to mi familia aqui."

"And we are glad to have you back Noemi." She glanced around the house. "You've worked wonders in just a few hours. Everything looks great and supper smells wonderful."

"I will go home now?" Noemi questioned.

"Of course," Jenny smiled. "Muchas gracias Noemi."

"De nada Senora," Noemi said as she slipped her coat on.

Jenny locked the door and joined her husband in the kitchen. He was practically drooling over the feast Noemi had prepared for them. "Roast beef, mashed potatoes, vegetables...ohh, Noemi is spoiling you Jethro."

"I'll take it." He laughed, reaching for a plate. "Did you want some wine with it Jenny?"

She thought about it and then shook her head. "I don't think so. Maybe some tomato juice. Dad and I always had tomato juice with our roast dinners. But go ahead if you like."

Gibbs decided he didn't want to drink without her and opened a new bottle of tomato juice for them. They carried their loaded plates to the table. Well, his plate was loaded. Jenny's looked more like a sampler. But he'd give Noemi a raise in a heartbeat if she could make something that would tempt Jenny to eat more than a bite.

"Do you think she made dessert?" he asked.

Jenny opened the fridge. "Cheesecake." She smiled. "We should've asked her to join us for this welcome home dinner."

"Next time," Gibbs suggested. "Although I don't know if she'd be comfortable eating with us, she's so used to serving."

"We could invite Marisol as well, that might put her more at ease," Jenny offered. Noemi's daughter was a beautiful Latina girl who was her mother's pride and joy.

"Why don't we have them over for Christmas? The team will be here anyways, along with Ducky and his mother. What's a couple more people?"

Jenny's eyebrows disappeared under her bangs. "I'm surprised Jethro. You're thinking about Christmas already?"

"Gotta plan ahead Jen."

"Yes, I know. And I tell you that every year. But you're still the man who goes shopping on Christmas Eve hoping the rest of the desperate men in DC haven't bought the stores out of whatever you were hoping to get."

"What are you getting me for Christmas?" he asked, swallowing his first bite of roast, sure this was the best food he'd had in weeks.

"Not telling. Just like I was not telling last year. Just like I will continue not telling until you open it on Christmas morning."

"You don't know yet," he accused.

"Do you know what you're getting me?" she asked, curious.

"A question to answer a question. You've been spending too much time listening to interrogations Jen."

"I don't listen to them, I read them," she retorted. The mashed potatoes were heavenly. At least, that's what her tongue thought. Her stomach was still undecided.

"You want seconds?" Jethro asked a few minutes later.

Jenny laughed. "Jethro, I've barely gotten through my firsts. You just want dessert faster."

"It's not a crime!" He watched her toy with her food, trying to remember what Kristyn had said about Jenny not eating. _I just don't understand why she's punishing herself with what she's chosen to control about her life_, he thought. But bringing it up wouldn't win him any brownie points and he didn't want to stress Jen out any more than she already was.

"Can I entice you to share a slice of dessert with me?" he asked instead.

"I think you can," Jenny responded, wishing she could eat more of the delicious meal Noemi had cooked.

She cleared their places at the table while Gibbs got out a new plate and cut them a liberal piece of Noemi's cheesecake, smothering it in the blueberry sauce she'd left beside it.

"You know it wouldn't actually hurt you to taste the cheesecake part of the dessert," Jenny informed him, scraping the sauce off her side. She preferred just a taste.

"We need whipped cream," Gibbs insisted. "Besides, the sauce is the best part."

"I bet you were one of those children who always took extra cookies and fed your vegetables to the dog when you thought no one was looking."

"I only got caught once." He chuckled. "After that I just got sneaky."

"Trust you to do nothing the easy way."

He observed her carefully before answering. "No, I don't think I did."

Jenny had a feeling there was a lot more meaning behind what he said than just responding to her comment. She licked her fork. "We could do something the easy way tonight."

"Like what?"

She grinned. "Put the dishes in the dishwasher."

Gibbs started to laugh. He laughed more than he had recently. Then he agreed that was probably a great idea and helped her collect the dishes.


	55. Chapter 55

Gibbs and Jenny retired to the livingroom with steaming cups of coffee cradled in their hands while they watched the flames flicker in the fireplace. Both were thinking serious thoughts, although not about the same subject. And one was trying to decide how to begin a particular conversation, but not looking forward to it.

"Jethro," Jenny said, not looking at him, "do you remember what Dr. Renway said today, about how we should talk about..." she wasn't sure how to say it exactly, "the physical stuff."

"Uh huh." He was studying her carefully. The fact that she was bringing it up when her body language clearly said she was uncomfortable with the topic mean that it was important to her.

She flickered her eyes over to him briefly. "She said we should take a break, which is good, because I'm not even sure I can...I mean, right now isn't...well," she sighed and finally looked at him, "it's good for me. But how long can you wait?"

This was not the time to give the right answer and move on. Like her therapist had said that morning, they needed to keep the lines of communication open. Total honesty, no matter how difficult it was to talk about.

He looked down at his coffee. "I'm not sure it's even how long that's the problem. I've gone without before." He thought back briefly to three marriages and divorces. Women didn't want to share their bodies when they were trying to get away from him. "But," Gibbs rubbed the back of his neck, "it's hard to be close to you and not want more."

Jenny nodded, feeling her cheeks heat. She was a married woman finding it awkward to talk to her husband about sex. It didn't get much stranger than this.

He looked up at her. "Dumb question maybe, but any guesses how long before you'd be ready to think about trying?"

His wife's eyes were sad and she shook her head slowly. "I'm sorry Jethro. My body...is still..." but then she frowned. "No, I can't even say that either. The marks have faded and inside everything might be fine now." She tapped her fingers against the side of her mug. "I guess the real problem is...I'm afraid that it will hurt. I was in so much pain...before." Jenny closed her eyes and rubbed her hand across her forehead as if she were trying to rub away the memories. "It didn't stop. Forty hours of pain and abuse, dreading when he would come back again and screaming for help when no one could hear me until my throat was raw. I never even want to come close to feeling any of that again."

"Oh Jen." Gibbs hated to hear what it had really been like, hated to hear what was going through her head. He was so thankful for her honesty, that she felt safe enough to share, but he didn't know how much he could take.

"It's not your fault, Jethro," Jenny told him, believing it. "But that's the truth. And it's so strange, to feel two different things at once. When we're together, when you're holding me, I know I'm safe. I know you wouldn't let anyone hurt me, but I'm still afraid. When we're kissing, more than just a couple times, like on the weekend...I want you. I can feel the desire in my body even as my mind is telling me to remember what happened last time. Remember he's a man and you can't trust him. Remember that last time you were hurt." She looked at the fire, not wanting to read what was in his eyes. "And then I feel guilty for wanting to be with you, like what he did should've taken any pleasure away that I will ever get from us being together."

He wanted to touch her, wanted to hold her hand, but wasn't sure if now was a good time. "You know that's a lie Jen, don't you?"

Jenny blinked away the moisture gathering in her eyes. "I think so," she whispered.

So, she might know she could trust him, but what she had been through had damaged her actual ability to trust. And he knew from experience that trust took a long time to earn. He wondered how long it took to heal.

Jenny bent her head, letting her hair fall over her face before she asked the next question. "Would you stop, Jethro? No matter what we were doing? Even if we were already...connected?" she visibly struggled with the thought.

Knowing he would never be able to get any pleasure out of making love to her if it was causing her any kind of pain, even if it was just in her head, Gibbs nodded. "I would, Jen."

She set her coffee down on the table and wrapped her arms around her knees. "What if it's never the same, Jethro? What if I'm always afraid?" The time a few tears did escape. "What if it hurts?"

"Jenny...please?" he asked, unable to bear her hurting alone anymore. She nodded and he moved across the three feet separating them, wrapping his arms around her body so that she was resting partially in his lap. He hoped that by surrounding her with his body, he could make her feel secure somehow.

"If it hurts, we'll stop, we'll wait, I promise Jenny," he whispered against her hair. "If you're afraid, we'll talk about it, we'll talk about everything and you can tell me what I can do that won't bring up bad memories. And maybe it will never be the same, maybe we'll love each other even more after this and it will be better."

Jenny shifted herself to sit in his lap, her arms around his neck as he held her. "You're being too nice about this Jethro. I may not be worth what it's costing you."

"Hey!" he pulled back and looked into her eyes. "Don't say that Jen. Whatever we have to do, however long we have to wait, no matter what, I know you will always be worth it." He kissed her forehead. "I would rather live with you our entire lives and go without intimacy, than not have you and be able to get as much as I want. Trust me babe," Gibbs held her tighter, "you are so much more than worth it."

They stayed that way a long time, wrapped in each other's arms, drawing comfort from being together. Finally Jenny pulled away and slouched back against the cushions. "You must think you married a crazy person."

"I have something for you," Gibbs disclosed, ignoring her previous statement.

Jenny closed her eyes. "A sanity pill?" she muttered.

He rolled his eyes. "Wait here."

Jenny opened her eyes when she heard the door close and sat up to look through the window. It was dark out now but she could see that Gibbs was getting something out of the trunk of the car. When he came back in, he was holding both hands behind his back.

He smiled. "Pick a hand."

"Any hand?" she asked.

"Your choice."

"That one." She pointed to his left arm.

Gibbs twisted his hand to in front of him and handed her a mini bouquet of yellow roses. She took them, breathing in their subtle scent. Then she looked back at him. "Jethro, yellow roses mean..." she trailed off. "What are you apologizing for?"

"Last week, still. Yesterday, a lot. But there's a second meaning for the flowers, and it may not be the best excuse, but it was what I was trying to do."

"Trying to care," she said softly. "Jethro, you didn't have to...I know everything was so up in the air..." she broke off. "Thank you. I won't ask you how you learned to speak the language of flowers, but I'm going to bet I owe McGee or Abby a hug tomorrow."

"What about me?"

Slowly, she smiled. "Yeah, I guess you deserve a hug too, silly man." Jenny leaned closer to him, but before she could touch him, he removed the other hand from behind his back.

"You forgot this one."

"Now I know you forgot my birthday," she joked. If he was going to continue being this nice she was going to feel like a loach for making him deal with her healing process.

"Your birthday was three months ago!" he returned. "No, this is so you know I mean it."

She shook her head. "Where do you find time to shop for flowers?" Her curiosity was getting the better of her.

"Coffee breaks are good for more than one thing Jen." He handed her the flower.

One pretty pink and white azalea. Jenny fingered the petals. It was stuck in a small vial of water. "Patience," she translated and laughed. "Is that for you or for me?"

"Could be for both. But I want it to say to you that I will be patient while you heal Jenny. Tell me if I'm rushing you, if I'm pushing you to do more than you feel comfortable with. I'm a guy and we don't always read between the lines too well. Sometimes I'm deaf and blind and you're gonna have to spell it out for me. But I'm willing Jen."

"Me too," she replied. "I think I'll give you that hug now."

Gibbs pulled her to him and held her securely within his arms, wanting to make her feel safe, wanting to be a comfort or whatever else she needed tonight.

"Will you lay down with me?" she asked. Obligingly Gibbs stretched out on the couch with Jenny beside him. "Close your eyes," she instructed him.

"Should I be concerned?" he asked, wondering what she was thinking.

"Just close them Jethro. I promise it won't hurt." Jenny propped her head up on her bent arm and began tracing her finger lightly over Gibbs's face. She drew gentle circles around his eyes, ran her finger down the bridge of his nose and with a feather soft touch, caressed his lips. She laughed when he tried to kiss her finger.

Gibbs sighed with pleasure. It was such a treat for him to feel her touch on his skin. No hesitation, no pauses, just Jenny loving him. He craved her touch like a man in a desert craved water and he would be exceedingly thankful for every single drop he got.

She followed the shape of his face, his jawline and cheekbones. At last she put her hands on either side of his face and kissed him gently. He responded, one hand on her back and the other behind her neck as her hair fell over his arm. It didn't last long, but it was a nice kiss.

"Thought for a second you were trying to put me to sleep. But you know nice ways to wake people up too, I see."

"It was my turn," she said simply, glad for him to be beside her.

She flipped her hair out of the way and laid her head down on his chest, listening. "Your heart's beating fast."

His laugh shook his chest. "Yup. Kinda hard to make it behave when there's a pretty girl laying right beside me."

"Am I bad for your heart Jethro?" she inquired with a smile.

He sighed. "Only when you're not around." A twinge gripped Jenny's head and her smiled became a wince. "Jen?" he asked cautiously, unsure.

"It's nothing Jethro. Just a headache. Time for bed I guess."

"I think we can handle that." He left their coffee mugs on the table and helped her up. Noemi would scold them tomorrow, but his focus was Jenny right now.

Once he'd seen Jenny settled in bed, Gibbs grabbed a cloth from the bathroom closet and ran it under cold water. He remembered back in Paris, how she used to get terrible headaches and cramps when it was her time of the month. The last couple months hadn't been as bad, but that didn't mean this month couldn't be an exception. He shook two aspirins onto his palm. If it turned out to be what he suspected, Jenny could take Midol tomorrow. He hoped the aspirin would help her sleep tonight.

"Thank you Jethro," she whispered when he laid the cloth on her forehead. The cool wetness felt good against her skin. She tried to look up so she could smile at him, but the glare of the light caused the pain to sharpen. "Can you shut the light off please?" she asked.

"Take these first Jen," he handed her the pills and her glass of water. When she'd swallowed them he turned off the light and got ready for bed in the bathroom with the door closed. Easier than trying to fumble with his pyjamas in the dark while tripping over shoes and furniture he was sure moved as soon as the lights were off.

Gibbs got into bed, staying on his side. When Jenny was dealing with the headaches, cramps and body soreness that went with being a woman once a month, she couldn't stand to be touched. And that was under normal circumstances. He listened to her breathing, hearing the shallow breaths he was taking. Her head really hurt, he knew.

"Time of the month?" he asked in a soft voice. The headaches made her sensitive to both light and sound.

Jenny rolled over and focused on her stomach, then her back. "Don't think so. I'm probably just tired."

"Okay. Sleep well hun. Let me know if you need anything."

"G'night," she whispered.


	56. Chapter 56

_No light. No sound. No movement. Just the rhythm of her breathing. She couldn't hear or see him, but she knew he was there somewhere, waiting for her to let her guard down, waiting to strike. She didn't like to struggle when she knew he was in the room, didn't want to show him how helpless she really felt. She was so tired. And thirsty. When was the last time she had a drink? How many hours had it been? No way to tell time. It could've been hours or even days. Every second dragged on for an eternity before the next one came and did the same thing. How long had she been here? When was Jethro going to find her? She just wanted to go home, or anywhere, anywhere but here. Footsteps, coming nearer. Then they stopped beside the bed and she had to fight the urge to scream._

Jenny jerked in her sleep, the movement waking her. For several seconds before she opened her eyes, she froze. She didn't breathe, she didn't move. Was she still there? No, her arms and legs were free and she moved them just to be sure. Slowly opening her eyes, she was greeted by the familiar shadows of her bedroom furniture. Beside her in the bed, her husband took slow, deep breaths as he slept. She envied him that sleep.

Once her eyes were open, she was afraid to close them again. Fatigue tugged at her eyelids, but the second they slid closed the memory started all over again, and her eyes flew open. She couldn't, wouldn't go back there again. Back to hurting and helpless, back to hell. There was no way. The headache still throbbed behind her eyes and every sound made her tense, wondering if danger was near.

How long she lay and watched the shadows and counted seconds, Jenny wasn't sure. Her body wouldn't relax, her mind wouldn't let go of the nightmare, and so she was doomed to try to stay awake, until she couldn't anymore and the dreams came again. Would it always be like this? And why now? It had been a couple days since her last flashback and she didn't remember dreaming about what happened.

Her mind drifted back to earlier that evening, her and Jethro in the livingroom, talking and listening, finally. They'd talked about intimacy, about them, about what if and when. Suddenly it hit her. That was why. She'd been thinking about being with her husband, fearing it, and that connected back to her time in the bunker. Everything was back at the surface, too close for comfort.

The bedroom didn't seem safe anymore. Even lying beside her husband, Jenny felt exposed. Too much open space, too many dark corners, too many ways for someone to get to her. She had to go. She had to find a safe place. She had to hide. Slipping out of bed, Jenny crept to the door and listened, before venturing out into the hallway, the door to her bedroom falling open behind her.

**NCIS**

Gibbs woke at five in the morning, disturbed by something he couldn't name. He was about to lay down again when he heard a noise and knew that it had dragged him from his peaceful sleep. It was the unmistakable sound of a woman crying. He recognized it at the same moment he realized his wife was missing from their bed.

He slipped out from under the covers and followed the noise, knowing it would be Jenny. After all, who else would it be? Just next door to their bedroom was the guest room and that was where the sound originated. Even in the darkness of the empty room, Gibbs could see the closet door was folded open a couple inches. Crouching down, he tapped softly on the hollow door. There was a pause but then the sobbing continued. He moved closer and lowered himself to the floor.

"Jen?" he called softly, hoping she would respond to him. But she didn't. "Jen?" he pushed the closet door open to reveal his wife, sitting on the floor of the closet with her knees pulled up tight to her chest, crying into her folded arms. "Oh Jen." She always felt safer in small places, especially when she was crying. Jenny preferred to hide her tears from the world but would always seem grateful when he found her and tried to make it better.

When he reached for her, she jerked away from him, practically cowering in the corner of the closet. It must've been another bad dream. Last night when she'd woken from one, Jenny had scooted as far to her side of the bed as she could and lay there shaking, her body language warning him against touching her.

Tonight he felt just as helpless. He wasn't even sure she could hear him when he whispered, "What can I do Jen?"

But she raised her head and looked at him with tormented eyes. "Just talk to me Jethro. I need to hear your voice."

Heart breaking, Gibbs took her hand and began to talk to her about them, telling her their story. How he'd known she was special from the first moment he saw her, a spunky young redhead assigned to his team. And when they were in Paris, it felt like the beginning of a dream when they were together. He told her how he'd thought about her in Mexico and remembered the way they'd gotten back together after his return. He gave the details about their wedding and reminded her of the last seven months they had spend loving each other and how wonderful it was to know that she was his forever. Most of all, he whispered that no matter what, they were going to make it through this and they were going to be stronger and better at loving each other because of it.

How much later he wasn't sure, he heard Jenny's final, shuddering breath that signaled the end of her crying and watched as she wiped away the tears. He stood up and reached down to help her out of the closet. She walked slowly beside him back to their room and lay in bed, hugging a pillow to her chest. Gibbs wanted to comfort her but didn't know how, so he lay down close to her without their bodies touching and ran his hand down her hair, hoping she would go back to sleep but dreading what they might face if she did.

**NCIS**

Less than an hour later, Gibbs heard Jenny moving around their room. He rubbed his eyes and sat up. "Hey, are you okay?"

Jenny pulled her hair into a ponytail. She was dressed in fashionable work out attire, all black. "I think I'll go into work early," she said without looking at him.

"Want a ride?" he asked, wondering about her mood.

"No," she said, her voice flat. "Agent Tierney is waiting outside. I'll see you at the office." And without another word, she slipped on her shoes and left.

Gibbs leaned back on the pillows. 0630, he should be getting ready now too. But after waking up at five, his sleep had felt shorter than normal. He hadn't asked Jenny last night what had driven her to the closet. But he knew it couldn't be anything good. In fact, the last time he'd seen her so scared she had to hide, had been in Paris, after everything went wrong. He pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. He didn't know what was going on yet, but he was willing to bet it was going to be a very long day.

**NCIS**

The training gym in the basement of NCIS was quiet at 0700, no teams scheduled for their workouts until 1000 today. Jenny was running on the treadmill, pushing herself. Faster, faster. Fifteen minutes, twenty, then thirty. The stitch in her side didn't matter, neither did the headache that had never left. All that mattered was that while she focused on running and breathing and throwing one foot in front of the other, she didn't have time to think.

When she'd exhausted herself running and was finding it hard to catch her breath, she finally slowed down and got off. But this was only the beginning. Next she worked hand weights - bicep curls, tricep kickbacks, chest flies and anything else she could think of. Wondering the whole time what might have been different if she'd had the strength to break the ropes or the skill to maneuver out of them.

Her muscles quivering from exertion, Jenny had to take a break and lowered herself to the mat to stretch. Long and slow, over and over, using some she hadn't done since her ballet days. After she'd rested, she wrapped her hands and slid on a pair of ladies boxing gloves then stalked towards the punching bag hanging in the corner. She was determined to win this round.

**NCIS**

0830. His team was doing paperwork, he was pretending to do paperwork but nothing could take his mind off the way Jenny acted this morning. After fighting the urge to check on her for a solid hour and a half, Gibbs broke down and reached for the phone.

"Director Shepard's office," Cynthia answered.

"Put me through to the Director Cynthia," Gibbs ordered.

"I'm sorry Agent Gibbs," Cynthia sounded confused. "She hasn't come in yet. She phoned earlier and said she would be in the office by 1000." She paused. "You...didn't know. Oh. Did you want to leave a message?"

Gibbs hung up on Jenny's assistant and headed for the back elevator.

Tony stood. "Boss?"

"Sit," Gibbs pointed. "Nobody moves until those reports are finished."

"Where are you going?" the senior field agent dared to ask.

"Coffee break," Gibbs glowered at him.

"Gonna have your phone on for this one?" Tony muttered.

"What was that?" Gibbs turned around.

"Uh...nothing Boss."

"That's what I thought."

Gibbs shifted from side to side as the elevator descended to the subterranean levels of the building. He checked his watch, as if that could make things go faster. As soon as Cynthia said Jenny wasn't there, Gibbs knew. He didn't think Jenny would lie to him, so she had been coming into work. But her outfit suggested it was a different kind of work she was talking about. The elevator let him out on one of the lowest levels where the training gym was housed. He'd been down here many times with his team for combat training and other practice. And also numerous times by himself, for his own workout.

He stepped in the door, keeping close to the wall. He could hear the huffs of expelled air and the small noises one made when fighting. Edging further in the room, Gibbs finally saw Jenny in the far corner, beating at the punching bag as if it were threatening her life. He knew. Jenny wasn't here because she needed to exercise, she was plenty fit. She was here because she needed the release.

Looking at his watch again, he wondered if she'd been at this since she'd arrived this morning. If she had, the exertion obviously wasn't helping. She looked more worked up now that she'd been last night. The closer he got, the more he saw. Sweat rolling down the side of her face when she turned. Wet tendrils of hair clinging to the back of her neck. Her skin glistening all over from the perspiration.

Gibbs knew that sneaking up on her was a bad idea. In the state Jen was in, startling her would probably mean testing out his own close combat skills. Her anger and reflexes would over-ride anything else at this point. So he finally decided on wait until she noticed him. He sat down on the floor mat, wanting to look as unthreatening as possible. And as he watched her, his worry grew.


	57. Chapter 57

Jenny wiped her arm across her forehead to remove the sweat she felt gathering there, bouncing on the balls of her feet as she jabbed at the swinging punching bag. She was breathing hard and soaked, the sweat rolling down her back, the sides of her face, her stomach. She was exhausted but couldn't let herself stop yet. After more than an hour of physical exertion, nearly half an hour of fighting back against an inanimate enemy, Jenny was finally starting to feel the nightmare slipping away into the back of her mind. She could only pray she wouldn't see it again.

Whirling around, she delivered a solid kick to the bag and gave it a couple more punches for good measure. Out of the corner of her eye she caught a flash of something and spun around, fists up in fighting position, her chest heaving and eyes glittering dangerously. When she saw who it was, she dropped her hands to her sides and stood there, wary.

After a minute of staring at each other, Jenny took the velcro strap of one of the boxing gloves in her teeth and ripped it open to tug the glove off. "What are you doing here Jethro?"

He slowly stood up, brushing his pants off. "Feeling like I should be putting in some practice time down here myself. At the rate you're going, I'm going to have to polish my skills up or you'll be able to take me down."

Jenny removed the other glove and started unwrapping her aching hands. "I can already take you down."

Gibbs put his hands in his pockets, wondering what the right answer was. "Would it help?"

She frowned. "What?"

"Taking me down? I know your therapist said not to fight with someone, but would it make you feel better?"

"I have no reason to fight you Jethro," she wasn't looking at him. Then her eyes met his. "Unless you keep stalking me. Why are you here?"

"Do you remember this morning?" he asked, surprised that she didn't get it.

Jenny touched her forehead gingerly. "Trying not to," she mumbled.

"Well I do." He took a step closer. "You scared me this morning. Why didn't you wake me up after you had that nightmare?"

"It was too close," she said softly. "I couldn't have had you touching me."

"And what about when you left?"

She looked up, anger flaring in her eyes. "Stop hovering Jethro! I don't always have the answers. I don't always want to talk." She grabbed a towel and stalked off in the direction of the locker room. "Right now, I want to shower." Jenny pushed past him and didn't look back, leaving Gibbs wondering how they were supposed to communicate and be honest when she was shutting down again. He couldn't let her push him away, even if it meant that he got in her face later and made her mad just so she would get out whatever she was fighting in her head.

**NCIS**

"Director's in a foul mood today. Have you noticed?" Tony mentioned to Ziva as he sat down at his desk.

She looked up briefly. "I have not seen her today."

"Went to hand in my report and she nearly bit my head off for not just leaving it with Cynthia." He raised his eyebrows. "You think she and Gibbs had a fight?"

"I think if you do not mind your own business you will find yourself in more trouble than usual," Ziva replied, not taking her eyes off her computer screen. One more paragraph and her report would be finished.

Tony's eyes flashed around the bullpen. They were alone. Gibbs had disappeared again and he would bet money that McGee could be found down in the lab with Abby. Hiding or perhaps breaking Rule 12, he couldn't be sure unless he could get eyes in the lab. And seeing as how both hackers were in there together, his chances of spying were slim to nil.

"Sooo..." he drawled, "what was this morning about?"

Ziva's hand jerked and her pencil holder fell off the desk, spilling all over the floor. "Tony!" she yelled.

"What?" his expression was neutral. "I just asked a simple question."

She bent down to pick up what had dropped and he moved around to lean on the front of his desk. "I do not suppose you can help?"

"Don't want to get too close." He eyed the box of paperclips sitting innocently on her desk.

Ziva slammed the pencil holder back onto her desk and closed the few feet separating them. "There was nothing innocent about that question."

Tony looked her up and down, pointedly reminding her without words that she was now in his personal space. "Uh...do I get an answer?"

Spinning around on her heel, Ziva paced back to her own workstation. "You are my partner Tony. I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"And you chose to do that by...sleeping on my couch all night?" he asked, wondering how far he could push. Deciding there was no point in changing now, he grinned. "There was plenty of room in my bed."

The glare Ziva turned on him was enough to freeze his blood. He silently began running through all the ways he knew of that she could kill him, wondering how high he could count before he died. She walked over to him and shoved his shoulder.

"That was not why I was there. Besides," she leaned closer, her breath tickling his ear, "how else would you have gotten to work today?"

"That...uh, that's a good point." Tony tugged at his collar and shifted backwards. "Hey Ziva..."

Gibbs rounded the corner from the elevator, staple cup of coffee in one hand. "Do not make me headslap you for breaking Rule number 12 DiNozzo."

Ziva swished her curly hair around so it hung down her back and smiled at him impishly as she moved to sit down.

"Boss I..." Tony began, feeling ganged up on. He pointed to his partner. "It was all her, I swear!"

"This isn't Kindergarten Tony and nobody likes tattle-tales." Gibbs looked up from his computer. "Where's McGee?"

"I believe he is in the lab with Abby," Ziva answered, printing off her report.

Gibbs picked up the phone and punched the button for the lab.

"This is Abby."

"Sent McGee up here."

"But Gibbs..."

"Now Abby!" He looked at the phone as the call disconnected. She had hung up on him.

Just over a minute later McGee hurried back into the squadroom. "Something wrong Boss?" he asked.

The Gibbs stare hit him and he froze. "McGee. While you are here, it is work time, not playtime."

"I finished my report," Tim tried to explain.

Gibbs stood up and walked over to McGee. "Unless you are helping Abby with computer...stuff that has to do with one of our cases, you do not go down to the lab. You do not leave the bullpen unless you have my express permission. And if you go to the head, I'm timing you. Am I clear?"

McGee was leaning back to get away from the overpowering intimidation of Gibbs' presence right in his face. "Clear Boss," he managed to choke out.

"Good." Gibbs turned away in a huff, too agitated to sit back down. He looked at Tony. "Any calls?"

Tony had been very interested in the exchange between probie and the boss. "Nothing good." He watched the silver-haired man pace back and forth. "I heard there's a mission evaluation in MTAC today, just started. You could go see if they found anything interesting."

The look Gibbs turned on his senior agent was hard to interpret, but Tony had the feeling Gibbs was relieved to have something else to do. Without any acknowledgment at all, Gibbs picked up his coffee and took the stairs two at a time to MTAC.

Ziva watched their fearless leader escape. "Now that was odd." She turned to McGee, who was already typing on his computer. "McGee, what did you do to get on Gibbs' bad side?"

Tim barely glanced up. "That implies he has a good side."

She had to give him that one. "Why is he so angry with you?"

McGee shrugged. "Must just be a bad day at the office." He went back to typing. The minute Gibbs had left the squadroom, he'd pulled up his email. He typed a short message._ Grounded to the bullpen. Boss's orders. He's ticked! In MTAC for awhile, if you're bored. Dinner tonight? _He pressed send to deliver the message to Abby and wondered how long Gibbs was going to hate him for this time. Last time it had been days until the boss had even spoken to him directly again.

**NCIS**

It was dark in MTAC when Gibbs entered. Lots of people were milling about or sitting down, waiting for the transmission to get more exciting than a dirt road in the middle of the desert. He spotted his wife sitting in the front row, glasses on and a black folder in her lap. She looked completely different than when he'd seen her hours ago. Gone was the sweaty, out of control, mad fighting woman. In her place was a cool, calm and collected individual who knew exactly what her role in this operation was. She was the director of NCIS and she was in charge here.

"Okay everyone," she announced, "here we go."

The room filled with silence as battered desert vehicles began to appear on the screen. It was time. Gibbs took a seat in the back row, sipping his coffee, content to watch. Several times during the next half hour, he noticed Jenny turning in her seat or looking over her shoulder. They'd always known when the other one was around. He wondered if she could feel somehow that he was in the room.

When the gunfire and explosions ceased, a small cheer ran through the crowd. Mission accomplished.

"That was a great job everyone," Jenny praised. "Another successful mission. Thank you for coming."

Slowly the crowd in the dark room thinned as people began to file out, heading back to their respective floors and offices. The technician crew looked at her expectantly, awaiting her next direction. She waved her hand at them. "Take a break, you all deserve it." She peered over her shoulder again. "Cut the cameras in here and seal the room on your way out. Report back here for 1500. That will be all."

There were no questions. Quickly the crew left the room, and only two people remained. Jenny swivelled in her seat. "How long have you been here Jethro?"

Gibbs stayed where he was and swirled the coffee around in his cup. "Long enough to see that the director is firmly in place." He looked at her for a moment before standing up and coming down a couple rows. "What I want to know, is if I can talk to Jenny."

Director Shepard took off her glasses and set her folder aside. "Are they going to fight again? Jethro and Jenny, I mean?"

"Depends," he said slowly, sitting in the chair across the aisle from her, not wanting to crowd his wife. "Are you going to keep pushing me away?"

Jenny turned her eyes towards the large black screen on the opposite wall. "Sometimes, probably." May as well face up to it now. It had taken half an hour in the shower under burning hot water to wash away all the memories of the early morning nightmare that had sent her scrambling for safety in the guest room closet. And she felt fine now. A little tired, the headache still nagged but was much less forceful than it had been earlier. If it took her half a day to get over each nightmare or flashback, she and Jethro were going to spend all their time fighting and making it back up again. It wasn't something she wanted to become a routine.

Gibbs was silent, allowing her whatever thoughts were floating around in her head. "Can you tell me why?"

She spread her hands. "It takes me this long to feel normal again. It probably would have taken longer if I hadn't been in the gym this morning. Right after I wake up, nothing helps. And even after," she shrugged, "this is something you can't help by holding me. I need space. I need to be alone."

"If you're alone then there's no one to save you from what's going on up there," he pointed to her head.

Jenny brushed her bangs back. "Kristyn explained it on Tuesday Jethro. When I need to be alone I'm not rejecting you, I'm just...trying to cope."

Gibbs didn't know what to say. He couldn't force her to share her healing with him. He couldn't make her let him in. Yes she was being honest, but that didn't make it any easier to swallow. He stood up and faced her. "Okay Jen," he said quietly. "I'll be at my place when you're ready."

He walked back up the ramp and left. Jenny slumped in her seat, wondering if they really were okay or not.


	58. Chapter 58

"McGee!" Abby's voice pulled him from his thoughts an hour later as she marched into the bullpen. "What do you mean 'grounded'?"

"Just like it sounds Abbs," Tim answered morosely. "Today is not my day."

Abby put her hands on her hips. "I'm going to have a talk with Gibbs."

Tony looked up. "He's in MTAC Abby. I wouldn't go up there right now if you want to keep your job."

She crossed her arms. "Is everybody grumpy today? I heard from Lenny the janitor who got it from one of the mail girls that Cynthia thinks something is wrong with the director too. So much for all the fun we had last night."

"Hey Abby," McGee lowered his voice and leaned towards her. "What about my invitation?"

She glanced at Tony and Ziva to see if they were paying attention, but their focus was elsewhere. "I'd love to," she whispered. "Meet me in the lab after work? I'll wait for you."

"If Gibbs lets me leave my chair," he answered, wondering how long Gibbs would make him stay there.

"Abby!" Ziva hissed. "Gibbs on deck."

"Thanks." She waved goodbye to them and in a flash of white lab coat and black ponytails, she was gone.

The phone rang just as Gibbs made it to his desk. "Yeah, Gibbs."

He listened for a few minutes, said 'yup' and 'yeah', 'okay' and 'I know the place' and then hung up. He ripped a piece of paper off his notepad and waved it at the team. "Gear up! We've been tapped with a four hour shift for surveillance of a sleeper cell. Just spelling off the main team. Let's go!"

"Uh, Boss?" McGee risked asking, though he hadn't yet moved.

Gibbs looked back and motioned for him to follow. "Yeah, you too McGee. Get the truck."

McGee grinned. He may not be forgiven yet, but at least he was allowed to move.

**NCIS**

Four and a half hours later, Gibbs slogged wearily down the steps to his basement, flipping on work lights here and there to make sure he didn't trip over anything. He shrugged out of his suit jacket and dropped it on the couch. Looking longingly at the bottle of bourbon high up on the shelves above his workbench, Gibbs shook his head. He had things to do tonight, it wouldn't do to get drunk. Even if it had been a heck of a day.

The team's surveillance shift had gone well. They'd watched the men stop for coffee, buy groceries, swing by the dry cleaners to pick up their clothes, flirt with the local ladies, and finally followed them back to the rented house they shared before the regular team came back to let them off duty. Gibbs had sent everyone home after that. The week was shaping up to be pretty quiet for cases, reports could be done tomorrow. And if they got busy, there was always the next dry spell with which to catch up.

Gibbs grabbed a piece of wood that was lying on the floor along the back wall and set it down on the two sawhorses he kept by the workbench. With his knee lightly resting on the top of the wood to help steady it, Gibbs picked up his pull saw and began methodically cutting through the wood. It didn't take long, he was used to the work. When the wood was the correct length, a file from the drawer under his workbench helped to smooth out the rough edges and ends. He fitted the cut piece into place along the hull of his boat, using a mallet to whack it in line with the board above it.

He did this several times, until another section of his boat was well on it's way to being complete. Moving back to the brace and bit he'd used last week - had it really been that long ago? - Gibbs began making holes for the dowel pins to fit in. Later, he wasn't really sure how much time had passed, he heard the creak of the door upstairs as it closed. He drove the last pin into it's hole and turned back to his workbench, fitting a new piece of rough paper on the sanding block.

Jenny's high heels tapped across the floor, and he saw the triangle of light shining in the basement door from the hallway grow as she pushed it open.

"Hey," she said softly, "I'm home."

Gibbs nodded. "Hey Jen."

She stood at the top of the stairs, poised to come down to him. They'd often made up from disagreements by working on his boat together, the silence and labour cathartic enough to relieve the tension between them.

He looked up briefly. "Why don't you get some coffee and read your book or watch a movie or something?" the suggestion surprised Jenny and she felt a sharp pang of hurt that he didn't want her around. "I'll be awhile down here still."

Almost afraid to ask, because she wouldn't know what to do if he said no, she inquired, "Will you be coming to bed?"

Gibbs' eyes met his wife's troubled expression. "Sure. I'll be up before long."

"Okay," she replied. "I'm going to go change."

He watched her walk away, listened to her footsteps up the stairs. It wasn't that he didn't want his wife's company, but tonight he couldn't have her in the basement helping. This was his time to try and work out his frustration and hurt, just like Jenny had in the gym this morning. Gibbs was much better at keeping his feelings to himself, but he was afraid the intensity of what he was struggling with might scare his wife if he said anything. Tonight, the boat was something he had to do by himself.

Gibbs walked back over to his boat, assessing whether his therapy had worked or not. Two rings of sweat bordered the collar of his shirt, one in front and one behind. His skin was sticky and a little itchy where sawdust had settled on his damp arms and neck. He wasn't breathing hard, but his muscles were entering the fatigue phase, a good tired that meant he had been working hard. He rubbed the back of his hand against his forehead, scraping away the perspiration there. Setting the sanding block on the newest section of boat, Gibbs began moving it in the familiar back and forth movement that had soothed his soul on so many other occasions.

**NCIS**

Abby arched an eyebrow at McGee while he stirred the vegetables simmering in the frying pan. "When you said dinner McGee, I didn't know you were actually going to cook."

"Hey!" Tim protested. "I will have you know that I'm a very capable cook. I was a scout remember? Cooking was mandatory."

"We're not talking dried rations, roots and tree bark Timmy, we're talking about an actual meal with edible food."

"You do remember that Sarah lived with me before she started university, right? I had to learn to cook and do it well." He grimaced. "Little sisters are very picky about quality."

Abby snatched a green bean off the cutting board, crunching it between her teeth. "I'm impressed."

McGee adjusted the heat on the stove, checked the chicken and added a little more saute sauce to the vegetables in a few deft movements. "I aim to please."

Hopping up on the other side of the counter, Abby leaned forward and swung her legs. "How come you never cooked me dinner before?"

McGee took some time to think about that one. Finally he got it. "Because best friends share takeout Abbs. Making a meal is something special. It can be intimate and romantic and you want to do it with someone you love."

Abby's movements stilled. "Do you love me Timmy?"

He flipped all the burners off, shuffling frying pans so nothing sat somewhere hot, before turning to face her. "Didn't you know Abbs?" he said slowly. "I've loved you forever."

"Forever forever?" she asked, eyes wide.

"Forever as long as I've known you," Tim replied, wondering how she'd take the revelation.

Abby absorbed McGee's confession slowly. In some ways she guessed she'd always known that about him. There hadn't been very many special girls for Timmy after they broke up, and even when he found one, they never lasted long. She had always been glad when he was single again. For some reason she'd always thought of Tim as hers, even though she'd been the one who had said no the first time he wanted to get serious.

McGee wasn't sure how to interpret the look on his girlfriend's face. "You don't have to say it back Abby. I don't want you to feel any pressure. Just having you here is enough for me."

Abby didn't plan on teasing McGee and she certainly wasn't going to say something she wasn't one hundred percent sure she knew in her heart was true. She was awfully close to meaning those three big words and when she was ready, Tim would be the first to know.

"What would you do if I said them back Timmy?"

McGee's body stilled and he tried to calm his speeding heart. "I don't know if I should tell. I might scare you off."

"Scare? Me?" Abby asked, laughing. She shoved his shoulder. "I don't scare easily mister."

"No, I guess you don't. But this is different," McGee insisted. "You're such a spontaneous person Abby and I love that about you, I really do. But I'm more of the careful, planning ahead, let's make sure everything is going to work out type. One day at a time people usually get scared off by my approach to life."

Abby understood that whatever came next was something he'd really thought about and it was going to be serious. "You're stuck with me now Timmy, I don't think you could scare me away if you tried." She waited a beat and then asked the question again. "What would you do if I said it?"

He took her hands and held them gently in his. Looking into her eyes, he drank in the sight of her, loving everything about this woman. "If you said it Abby, I would probably start planning forever." He gave her a quick kiss on the lips before turning back to the food. "Supper is served."

Abby wasn't so sure she cared about supper anymore. She was more interested in the taste of dessert McGee had given her and wondering how on earth she deserved a guy who loved her and cared as much as her boyfriend did.

**NCIS**

An hour later, Gibbs made his way up the stairs, carrying his jacket and smoothing out the crumpled piece of paper in his hand. He'd frowned when he first heard a noise in his pocket, he didn't normally keep things there. Jenny had complained too many times about things that turned up in the wash, so he'd stopped. It took him a minute before he recognized it and what he'd found made him want to go see his wife.

Before he looked for her in the livingroom, Gibbs stopped by the laundry room and snagged a clean shirt. He didn't want to be a total mess when he sat down to talk with her. In the livingroom doorway, he paused, enjoying the peaceful picture of Jenny, curled up and reading a book, a cup of tea in one hand. She looked up and saw him.

"How's the boat?" she asked.

"Served it's purpose for tonight," he responded, hoping she would understand now why he hadn't invited her down.

She laid the book on the side table and looked at him, waiting for him to speak. She must have been able to see it in his eyes, that something was going on.

"What's this Jen?" he asked, holding out the piece of paper to her.

Jenny leaned forward and took the wrinkled paper, glancing over the scrawled words. "I wondered what happened to this," she commented, setting it in her lap.

"Found it in the kitchen," he felt compelled to say. "Why did you write it down?"

She considered the question. "I remember now. It was last week, when you worked late and I made supper. I was going to write them out in good later, but then I noticed the paper missing a couple of days after." She shrugged.

"Did they have special meaning for you?" he asked. Kind of out of the ordinary for him as a question, but he wanted to know why she felt the words important enough to write down.

"I liked the sound of the song," she finally said. "The words to the chorus, felt like my life somehow, like it reflected us. I figured you would understand when you read them."

Gibbs nodded. "I felt the same way." He held out his hand for the paper again, reading out the lines out loud. "_Lead me with strong hands, stand up, when I can't. Don't leave me, hungry for love, Chasing dreams, but what about us? Show me, you're willing to fight, That I'm still the love of your life. I know we call this our home But I still feel alone._"

"It fits both of us, don't you think?" Jenny said, after silence had settled.

He had to agree with her. Tapping the paper against his hand, he wondered again about the meaning behind the words. "Does this tell me how to help you?"

Jenny played with a strand of hair. "The first part and the last part do. You've always been the leader in our relationship Jethro, the strength that kept me going. And sometimes, a woman likes to know that her husband will fight for her, if need be." She gazed into his eyes. "The middle part is about you. I feel like that's where I've left you, both in our past and right now, in our present."

"And the last bit, about feeling alone?" he ventured.

"That's both of us," Jenny said. "I know you feel alone when I won't let you in, when I won't talk to you. And I feel alone because you really don't understand what this is like for me, and keep trying to help or fix it." She reached over and laid her hand on top of his. "Not everything can be fixed by your hand tools Jethro. And some things can't be fixed by your hands either."

"So what am I supposed to do? How do we both keep from feeling alone?"

"I honestly don't know," Jenny shook her head back and forth slowly. "Maybe we only worry about right now. Because this morning was awful and this afternoon was distant but right now is nothing yet."

"What would you like it to be?" Gibbs asked, listening hard.

Jenny brushed some damp hair off his forehead and crinkled her nose a little. "After you take a show," she chuckled, "I think it'd be really nice if you held me while we fall asleep." Her eyes bored into his as she moved closer. "Do you think you can keep the monsters away?"

Gibbs leaned forward, in no hurry. When she didn't shy away, his lips brushed against hers. "Oh Jen, I'll sure try." He wrapped his arms around her for a quick hug and then left for the bathroom to have his shower. Maybe for once they'd both get a good sleep, because they'd be right where they belonged.


	59. Chapter 59

_A/N: You may already know this but just in case: DON - department of navy, CNO - chief of naval operations. Thanks for reading! : D_

Jenny awoke to a gentle caress on her cheek. She rolled over with a smile and gladly welcomed her husband's kiss, thankful for one moment of normalcy.

"Good morning," he said, his voice sleepy.

"Morning." She opened her eyes and stretched.

"Sleep well?" he asked.

Jenny thought about it. "Actually, I did. We should try that falling asleep together thing more often."

"No complaints here." Gibbs slowly sat up. "Ugh. I'm getting too old to be up at 0600."

Jenny swatted his arm. "Don't say that. If you're getting old, it means I am too." She slipped out of bed and pulled the covers flat. "And I refuse to be getting old yet."

"Alright Jen," he chuckled, going through his drawers.

"You mind if I have the shower first?" she asked.

He shook his head, already pulling on pants. "Nope. In fact, I'll do breakfast to order this morning. What is your pleasure?"

Jenny raised an eyebrow. "Did you forget Noemi is back?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Call her and tell her not to show up 'til 0700. I can handle it." He grinned. "She can clean up after the mess I make."

"Alright Jethro, if you're sure," Jenny picked up the phone, hoping to catch Noemi before she left her little house down the street.

"So?" Gibbs looked at her expectantly.

"Oh. Umm...coffee and strawberry toast?"

"Come on Jen, I need something to test my skills. Noemi went shopping. We've got eggs, bacon, oatmeal, cereal. What else?"

Jenny rolled her eyes and sighed. "Maybe a couple pieces of bacon then," she added to appease him.

"It'll be waiting for you," Gibbs promised, heading downstairs.

"Hello Noemi, it's Jenny," she said when her housekeeper and friend answered the phone. "No, nothing is wrong but don't worry about coming in until 7am. Breakfast? Well...Jethro wants to fix it." She laughed. "I'm sure he'll do fine Noemi, but the kitchen might be a bit of a mess. Yes, thank you. Spend some time with Marisol before she goes to school. I'll see you after work. Hmm?" she asked. "Oh, umm, supper probably for 6pm tonight. I'll be home early today but if Jethro is working a case, I'll just warm his up later. Alright. Hasta luego Noemi."

Jenny finished her call and stepped into the bathroom.

**NCIS**

When Jenny came downstairs half an hour later with part of her hair pulled back in a clip, make-up lightly done, and dressed in a dark blue business suit, she found two plates being kept warm on the stove while her husband sat at the table with his coffee in hand and glasses on, reading the paper.

"What's on your agenda today?" he asked. If possible, Jenny looked more professional than normal.

"DON monthly security meeting and then an appointment with the CNO to discuss our recent investigations."

"Then you're definitely going to need breakfast." He retrieved their plates while Jenny poured herself a cup of coffee.

"You in charge of breakfast is making Noemi nervous," she remarked.

"I am a perfectly capable cook," Jethro replied, sitting down across from her.

"We'll see," Jenny replied archly, lifting a piece of bacon to her mouth. She crunched it slowly and savoured the taste. "Okay," she grinned, "you pass."

"Told you so," Gibbs said smugly. He reached into his pocket and fingered the small object there. "Jen?"

She was staring out the window, watching the sky change colour as the sun slowly rose. "Hmm?"

"I made something for you," he held out his hand to her. "It's for you to hold if you have a flashback or anxiety attack, like Kristyn suggested."

Jenny picked up the small piece of wood carved into the shape of an anchor. She ran her fingers over it, extremely touched by the gesture.

"Thank you honey," she met Gibbs eyes and squeezed his hand. "It's perfect." She slipped it into her jacket pocket. "I'll keep it with me."

"You're welcome Jen," he smiled, taking another sip of coffee.

A couple bites of toast and a cup and a half of coffee later, Jenny checked her watch. "Ooh, we better get going. It's no good for the bosses to be late."

Gibbs pushed himself up from the table and he and Jenny deposited their dirty dishes in the sink, trying to clean up a little for Noemi.

"One of these days we're just both not going to show up for work and leave everyone to speculate," he grumbled.

"Yeah," Jenny laughed, "because you take days off since never."

He shrugged. "Maybe I ought to start."

"And the team?"

"Ah, Tony can keep them in line."

"My agency?"

"It might be tough Jen, but I'm sure they can survive without you for a day or two. Besides, you've got to make Assistant Director Vance useful sometime."

"I would say, 'when pigs fly,' or something of that nature, but you're just stubborn enough to make it happen." She reached for her coat. "Let's go to work Jethro."

**NCIS**

Timothy McGee walked into work that morning feeling extremely content with his life. Dinner with Abby last night had been great. Even without a Caf-Pow constantly in hand, she was lots of fun to spend time with. He felt a smile spread across his face. And dessert had definitely been worth looking forward to.

He stepped into the squadroom and immediately regretted the smile when he was met by a frowning Tony who stood in McGee's path with his arms crossed. McGee stopped, not sure what was going on. Ziva too was watching him closely from where she sat at her desk.

"What?" he asked.

"Okay McProbilicious, spill," Tony demanded.

McGee frowned. "Spill what?"

"Your secret of course." Tony got right in McGee's face and pointed at him. "There's something going on, and as Senior Field Agent I believe I am required to know about it."

"How so Tony?" Ziva questioned, wanting to see what he'd come up with.

Tony glared at his partner for messing up his flow. "Because. Because...it might...get in the way of his ability to do his job. That's why." He grinned triumphantly, please with himself for the quick answer.

McGee tried to push past his nosy co-worker, but Tony put out an arm to stop him.

"What's the rush Probie?"

"Tony," McGee sighed, "I just want to get to my desk so I can start working before Gibbs gets here."

"Too bad we don't always get what we want McGee. Life's not fair, deal with it."

Ziva stood up and leaned against the side of her desk. "Are you certain there is nothing you want to tell us McGee?"

Tim swallowed nervously and began to slowly back away. He knew Ziva still kept a knife in her belt. "No. No, I don't think there is." He briefly considered just blurting out the news and shocking them both, but didn't have the heart to ruin Abby's fun when she got to see the look on Tony's face.

Giving them a look that said he thought they were both weird, McGee finally made it to his desk. Shiny black kiss shaped stickers had been placed all over the top of his desk, across his keyboard, and up the side of his monitor. His head jerked up and he saw Tony and Ziva snickering.

"What's this?" he asked, his face heating.

Tony shrugged. "We had to figure that any secret you were keeping must have something to do with the lovely black haired Goth downstairs." He leaned closer to McGee, staring into his eyes and speaking in a low voice. "When Gibbs finds out that you're doing after hours forensic work with Abby, he'll kill you."

McGee studied his watch. How was it that Gibbs and the director had made it seven months without anyone guessing they were together, let alone married, but he and Abby couldn't make it a week dating before the whole office figured out what was going on? Not counting Gibbs of course, who knew the day after it happened.

Gibbs walked in with his coffee just then. "Something you want to share with the class DiNozzo?" he asked when he saw Tony hovering beside Tim. He stopped when he caught sight of the decorations on McGee's desk. "McGee!" he thundered, "What the heck are you doing?"

"It wasn't me, honest Boss," McGee began. Gibbs cut him off.

"Get rid of those things and get these samples down to Abby." He dropped a handful of evidence bags on McGee's desk and waved a police report at the group. "Metro just handed us a case. Missing Marine Gunnery Sergeant. Car found on the side of the road near the Naval Academy in Maryland. Blood on the ground and signs of a struggle. Gear up." He pointed at McGee. "Name is Milton Dayes. I want you to track his movements for the last 72 hours. Check his bank and phone records, pull anything remotely suspicious. Do a background check. I want to know what we're dealing with. Let's go!"

Tony and Ziva followed him to the elevator and Tony gleefully waved goodbye at McGee as the doors slid closed. McGee sighed. Grounded again. But at least this time he had a reason to go see his girlfriend.

**NCIS**

Jenny put on a polite smile, shaking hands with each of the "heads" in the DON. Agent Rafferty from her security detail was beside her as soon as she stepped out of the room. A second agent waited by the elevator.

"Two agents today Tom?" she inquired, surprised. "Was the threat level raised and no one told me?"

Agent Rafferty listened intently to the report he was getting on his earpiece. They were all clear to bring the director down. "We always get a little more cautious when you're on official business off the Navy Yard Director," he informed her, watching the floor numbers light up as they counted down.

Jenny smiled. "And I'm sure the threats from my husband has nothing to do with your vigilance, correct?"

Agent Rafferty bit back a grin. "Special Agent Gibbs has certain...persuasive qualities," he admitted.

Once they had her safely tucked in the black SUV with tinted windows, the driver glanced at Jenny in the rearview mirror.

"Is there anywhere we can stop and pick you up some lunch Ma'am?"

At first Jenny wondered if that question was her husband's handiwork as well, but Graham was always attentive. She relaxed.

"They had some appetizers and sandwiches in the meeting, thank you Graham. But I'd love a coffee."

"Of course Director," Graham nodded, signaling to make a turn. He knew where her favourite coffee shop was.

Jenny didn't want to mention that she'd barely nibbled at what was on her plate. People were starting to worry and she hated that. _I'm fine!_ she insisted to herself, wondering who she was trying to convince.


	60. Chapter 60

_A/N: Only one chapter tonight, sorry guys. I didn't get as much written today as I'd hoped. Still trying to sort through the particulars of what happens next as well as do normal, everyday stuff like work and sleep and eat, lol :P But thanks so much for reading and for all the reviews! You guys are awesome! : )_

"Abby!" McGee whined as soon as he entered the lab. "Save me!"

The Goth spun around to look at her boyfriend. "From what?"

He sighed. "From who. Tony. And Ziva. I found these," he held up one of the black kisses stuck to his finger, "covering my desk this morning."

"Creative," Abby giggled.

"Not funny," McGee countered, frowning. "Gibbs was not impressed."

She shrugged. "Not sure how to help you Tim. Tony will be Tony no matter what we do. He always wants to know other people's secrets."

McGee leaned against the metal evidence table. "Why don't you tell him then?" He shrugged a shoulder. "They've pretty much already guessed it anyways."

Abby's eyes lit up. He could see the thoughts percolating inside her mind. "Now that has possibilities," she grinned mischievously.

"Can you get him to stop bugging me, maybe?" Tim pleaded.

She rolled her eyes and kissed him on the cheek. "Only God can work miracles McGee. Now," hands went to her hips, "what have you got for me?"

He held up the bags. "Blood and hair samples. We've got a missing Marine Gunnery Sergeant."

"Ooh," Abby reached for the evidence bags, pulling out her pen, "Gibbs is not going to like this."

**NCIS**

Team Gibbs stood at the crime scene, behind the bright yellow police tape which surrounded the abandoned car. Tony combed the area foot by foot, looking for anything the cops missed and Ziva took multi-angle shots of every relevant thing she could see. Gibbs was in a quiet discussion with the lead cop who'd been first to report to the scene.

"A lady who lives just down the road passed by the car on her way to work. She thought there might've been an accident and called us. We were all set to start investigating when one of my men saw the Navy decal on the back window. When we called the Academy to get an ID on the vehicle's owner, the officer in charge said that Mr. Dayes hadn't reported for work this morning. After that, this case was all yours."

"Appreciate the call." Gibbs shook the man's hand. "Thanks for your cooperation Officer. We'll be in touch." He adjusted his cap. "Tony, have the car towed back to Abby and she what she can find. Ziva, we're going to go talk to a few of the Gunnery Sergeant's colleagues. And somebody call McGee and find out what he's got for me."

**NCIS**

Several hours later, Gibbs slammed down the phone in disgust. It had been over six hours since they got the case and they barely had more than when they started. Of course, no one at the Naval Academy knew anything that would help and neighbours near the car hadn't seen or heard anything they could use. This was not turning out to be his day.

Giving up fighting the inevitable, Gibbs got up and did what he always did now when things got stressful, he went to see Jenny. Cynthia barely acknowledged him since she was on the phone and knew she couldn't stop him anyway. He opened the door to find his wife slipping several folders into her briefcase.

She looked back over her shoulder. "Hello Jethro." Then she saw the look on his face, dropped everything and turned around. "What's wrong?"

Gibbs tossed his empty coffee cup into her garbage with more force than necessary. "Ah, it's this case Jen. A Gunny is missing and so far we're missing who, when, why, and how. All we have is what we started with - what and where."

Jenny gave him a hug and he leaned into her, letting the subtle scent of her perfume surround and calm him.

"Gosh you smell good Jen."

She laughed and pulled back from the hug to settle her lips gently on his. "And you taste like coffee, as always." She arched an eyebrow at him. "Better?"

Gibbs kept his arms around her waist, not wanting to let her go just yet. He never knew from one moment to the next what they would look like together when he saw her again. She might be angry, afraid of having him get too close, or loving like she was right now. He didn't want to lose this moment.

"I love you Jenny."

"Me too," she whispered. "Always have..."

"...always will," he finished for her. It had been their promise since they got married. But they'd meant it since Paris.

Regretfully Jenny stepped back out of his embrace. Gibbs frowned.

"Okay today Jenny?" he asked, concerned.

She nodded. "Fine so far. We'll see after Kristyn gets done with me."

It was his turn to raise one eyebrow. "So you moved because...?"

"Oh." She gave him a sad smile. "Because I'm really sorry but I have to go. Agent Rafferty will be here any moment to escort me out to the car. Meeting number two."

"Ahh..." he nodded. "Don't suppose I could get another kiss to tide me over until tonight?"

Jenny shook her head at him and invaded his space again, letting her husband control the kiss and take the comfort from her that he needed. She held him a few extra seconds, leaning into the solid warmth of his body. "Incorrigible man. What am I going to do with you?"

"Keep me, I guess," Gibbs shrugged. "Since you sure as heck aren't going to get very far without me, that's for sure."

"Count on it," Jenny smiled. "Home tonight?"

Gibbs rolled his shoulders, seeking relief from the sore muscles. Jenny watched and wished she had time to work some of the kinks out for him. _What a perfectly normal wife thought_, she noticed, hoping that would be the norm instead of the roller coaster of emotions they'd taken these last two weeks.

"Maybe to sleep for a couple hours," he answered. "No rest for agents when there's a man missing though."

"Okay." The intercom beeped, letting Jenny know her security detail was waiting. "See you later then."

Gibbs squeezed her hand as she walked by. "Good luck Jenny."

She looked back at him as she stepped out the door, the look in her eyes and the smile she sent meant only for him. He sighed heavily as the door closed, taking his view of her with it. It was never easy watching Jen leave, especially now, after what had happened the last time he'd let her go somewhere on her own.

Every time Jenny walked out the door without him, he flashed back to watching her get off the plane after she'd whispered I'm sorry. He hadn't understood until he found the letter in the pocket of the coat she'd left behind, and read it while his heart broke a second time. That was the last time he'd see her for six years.

Then it was leaving her in the parking garage, her telling him to catch up later. He'd come back from Abby's lab and seen her car still there, gotten no answer on her cell and knew something was horribly, unspeakably wrong. He'd spent the next forty hours wondering if he would ever see his wife alive again or if he'd be called on to identify her body.

He'd never known fear like that. Every time he closed his eyes during that time, a new nightmare began until he couldn't bear to try to sleep and worked even harder to track Jenny down, not leaving the office. The bed hadn't been the same without her anyways, the empty pillow and flat blankets on her side a constant reminder that Jenny wasn't where she was supposed to be. Gibbs had picked up the wrap she wore at night and clung to it, breathing in the smell of his wife.

He shivered and had to take a deep breath to get himself back to reality. He knew he needed to focus on the case. But there was too much going on in his head right now and he could think of only one thing that would help. Grabbing his cell, Gibbs clattered down the stairs, dialing the number from memory. At the bottom he rounded the corner and stepped into the little alcove the team used for their semi-private, semi-secret conferences and conversations that they didn't want overheard by others on the floor.

He paced away from the wall as he waited for the call to get picked up.

"Reilley," came the calm, gravelly voice.

"Bill. Jethro."

"Jethro," he could hear the surprise. "It's been a long time. What can one old Gunny do for another?"

Gibbs rubbed his forehead. He was really bad at this. Give help he could, asking for it was something different altogether. "You got some time later this afternoon?"

"Let me check." He could hear pages being flipped. "I could disappear for about an hour around 1600. What do you need?"

"Can you meet me in the training gym?"

"We're not running laps, are we Jethro? I'm too old for that you know."

Gibbs chuckled. "No laps Bill. Just some good, old fashioned, Marine Corps stress relief."

"Understood. I'll see you then. Go easy on me Jethro," he chuckled, "my sparring days are long behind me."

"No broken bones or bruised ribs," Gibbs promised, thankful the brotherhood of the Marines extended beyond asking why. "1600." He hesitated. "Thanks Bill."

His friend's voice was sincere. "Anytime Gunny, anytime." Then he hung up.

Gibbs flipped his phone closed and headed for the elevator. The bullpen would hold too many questioning glances and he was out of patience and in no mood for explanations. Time to go see Abby. He could use a little Goth to brighten up his day. Caf-Pow first though.

**NCIS**

"Hi Gibbs," Abby said without turning around when he walked in. He stopped and stared at her. Abby looked over her shoulder with a grin. "Yes, you're that predictable Bossman. Ooh...Caf-Pow!"

He held it back. "Results?"

She frowned. "They are not going to earn me a Caf-Pow Gibbs. Can't I just have a sip?"

He shook his head. "After."

"Fine," she huffed, pointing to the plasma. "This is one of the hair samples McGee brought me. It's not human."

Gibbs just looked at her. He didn't even have to ask anymore unless she was being difficult.

Abby smiled. "It's dog hair. A couple possibilities for that one. Either the Gunnery Sergeant had his dog with him and the poor thing is now lost somewhere out in the cold, missing his master, afraid and alone..."

"Abby, missing man. Second possibility," Gibbs tried to hurry her explanation along.

"Right. Sorry. Umm, it came off the possible kidnapper. Which means he has a dog."

"Can you tell what kind?" he asked, leaning closer to the screen as if that would help him figure it out.

"Gibbs," she chided, "I'm just getting warmed up. You're looking for someone with a black lab."

"Only one of the most popular breed," Gibbs grumbled.

Kelly had spend the last year of her life begging for a dog. He and Shannon were waiting for her birthday. Now Gibbs wished he'd just said yes the first time she'd asked, so he could've seen the joy on his daughter's face as she cuddled her first dog. So many regrets. He shook his head, trying to push the past back into the past where it had to stay for his sanity.

"Patience el magnifico," Abby smiled. "The other hair belongs to Gunnery Sergeant Dayes, very boring." She turned around and grabbed a sheet of paper off the printer. "The blood is more interesting. DNA matched it to our missing man. So he put up one heck of a fight, he was injured, or..."

"Killed and his body dragged from the scene." Abby nodded reluctantly. Gibbs finally handed over her Caf-Pow. "He's not dead yet. Until we have confirmation otherwise, the Gunny is to be looked at as alive and kidnapped. Got it?"

Abby snapped to attention and saluted. "Yes sir."

Gibbs chuckled and leaned over to kiss her cheek. "Don't call me sir Abs." He stepped back and crossed his arms. "Now, tell me about the car."


	61. Chapter 61

_A/N: Just in case anyone wonders - all information on healing from rape, what survivors go through and what their partners can do to help their wives and themselves, is shamelessly plagiarized off an uncountable number of internet sites I went to trying to get information to make this story accurate. Thank you : )_

"Here you are Jenny," Kristyn handed her patient a steaming cup of tea. She'd already figured out that the woman felt more comfortable when she had something to do with her hands. But Kristyn noticed that Jenny didn't seem as nervous today as she had at their other sessions.

"Thank you," Jenny gratefully accepted the hot beverage.

"I wanted to tell you again how nice it was that your husband was able to make it last time," Kristyn mentioned as she settled into her chair. "The way he held your hand through the whole session, even when you were upset with him...the two of you have a deep bond."

Jenny wasn't sure she liked how well the doctor could read her. She shrugged. "We've both learned some hard lessons about wasted time over the last several years. It makes a difference in how we view our relationship."

"And each other," Kristyn added. "Jenny, you are leaning on him and using his love to help you heal, and you don't even realize it."

Jenny studied her reflection in the tea for a moment. "We're having good moments and bad moments. Yesterday had more bad moments, today more good. I'm thankful for that."

Dr. Renway looked over the notes she'd made from the last session, highlighting things she wanted to bring up again or elaborate on.

"Jenny," she began, "I want to apologize."

Jenny's head jerked up. "Why?"

Kristyn tapped her pen. "I think I may have jumped to conclusions last time, when Mr. Gibbs mentioned that you weren't eating. It's such a common thing with RTS that I didn't give it much thought." She cleared her throat. "Can you tell me why you're not eating?"

Jenny pushed her shoulders back. _We're back to that_, she sighed inwardly, sick and tired of that subject. "It's not that I don't want to eat. Well," she shrugged, "sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. But the rest of the time I simply can't." She put her hand over her stomach. "My stomach has been unsettled since I got back. I don't want to eat a meal just to throw it up later."

Kristyn knit her brows. "Have you been eating anything?" she asked, concerned.

"Little bits, here and there. Jethro worries when I don't, so I try to eat a couple bites at meal we share together. The rest of the time," Jenny held up the cup, "it's coffee mostly."

Dr. Renway frowned. "Have you gone to see your doctor about that?"

Jenny shook her head. "No. I hadn't even thought about it. I just figured it was a leftover symptom from what happened and would eventually pass."

The therapist scribbled some notes on her pad. "I'd like you to make a doctor's appointment soon if you can Jenny. While being unable to eat is an RTS symptom, it's usually more rooted in a survivor's attempt to control one aspect of their lives and that doesn't sound like the case with you." She glanced up. "You can have a check up done then as well, to make sure you're healing properly inside as well."

Jenny cringed and closed her eyes. The thought of another physical examination brought back pictures of the other one, which Jenny had found embarrassing, frightening, and painful. _I'm beginning to hate doctors almost as much as I hate shrinks_, she thought bitterly.

She couldn't really hate Kristyn of course, the woman was part of the reason Jenny still had her sanity, or most of it anyways. But she didn't always like the suggestions that were made, especially when they became orders and she didn't have a choice in the matter.

Kristyn shifted topics. "Do you remember Tuesday when I was explaining the stages of RTS to you?"

"And all the wonderful symptoms I get to look forward to?" Jenny added sarcastically.

"Yes," Kristyn smiled. "One thing I forgot to mention was what our goal is. The resolution phase."

"Do tell." Jenny leaned back, not sure why she was feeling so snippy all of a sudden.

Kristyn ignored the attitude, which wasn't unexpected, and continued. "This is the part you get to look forward to, when the assault is no longer the central focus of your life. You will probably never forget what happened Jenny, but the pain, the anger, the nightmares and flashbacks will all fade over time, I promise you. Eventually it will be a case of accepting the rape as part of your life and choosing to move on from it, and not let it control you anymore."

Jenny was tapping her foot. "How much time are we talking about?"

The doctor smiled sadly. "I wish I could give you an exact date when you will feel better and things will begin to go back to normal. But it varies with each person. For some it may be as soon as two months after the attack. For others, six, or eight months, even a year or more. It all depends on how they choose to deal with it."

"Two months would be nice," Jenny commented, swirling the tea around in the bottom of her cup.

"Just take it one day at a time Jenny," Dr. Renway advised. "Any more would be overwhelming for anyone." Kristyn's eyes fell on the list of recommendations she'd made to the couple at their session together. "Did you and your husband get around to talking about intimacy this week?"

Jenny dug her nails into her palm. The doctor eyed her. "Take a breath Jenny. I know you don't want to talk about this part but it's the only way to find out what we need to work on. Try to relax, I can wait until you're ready."

The redhead took two deep breaths, held the air in and then let it out slowly. Finally she nodded.

"Now, when you think about being intimate with your husband, what's the first thing that pops into your head?" Kristyn asked.

Jenny's eyes opened. "I'm afraid it will hurt."

"Good," Kristyn nodded. "Did you tell your husband that?" Jenny nodded in the affirmative. "And what did he say?"

"That he'd stop," Jenny's voice was quiet. "That we'd wait. But I don't know if that's enough."

"He's giving you the right answers Jenny, he wants to help. Stopping anything physical if you're uncomfortable or scared is fine. Mr. Gibbs seems to understand that."

_Not that he has much of a choice_, Jenny pointed out to no one in particular.

Kristyn leaned forward. "I know that you're afraid to be with your husband right now, that you probably don't feel ready. But as something to think about, loving sex with your husband may help to replace the feelings of fear, guilt and shame that still linger after what happened to you." The doctor fell silent, content to let her words sink in a bit.

Jenny's first reaction was, _Not happening_. But as she thought about it, sitting on Kristyn's couch with her arms crossed, the idea suddenly became more appealing. What would it be like, to share that closeness with her husband again? To know the safety she felt wrapped in his arms? To experience the comfort she could get from his body? After all, not all intimacy had to be passionate. Sometimes it was sad, sometimes angry. What if that fixed everything she was feeling?

She suddenly realized Kristyn was talking again, adding a caution to what she'd just said.

"Remember Jenny," the doctor was saying, "everyone heals at different speeds. You may feel comfortable with sex a week after the rape or a month, or a year, or not even then. There is no timetable for your healing. It's not something you can rush just because you want to."

_Oh yeah_, Jenny began thinking, _watch me._

**NCIS**

Around 1530, Gibbs found himself back at his desk, waiting for yet another lead to pan out. Tony and Ziva were chasing this one, McGee was tracking the Gunny's cell phone to see if the GPS chip or call history could tell them something they didn't already know. And Gibbs just wanted a break in this case. It would be really nice to have dinner with his wife tonight instead of grabbing an hour or two of sleep beside her before he came back in.

The pen he was using ran out of ink and Gibbs snapped it between two fingers, flicking it into the garbage can. Rummaging through his desk drawers in search of another pen, he came across the pamphlet Dr. Renway had given him on Tuesday. Leaning back in his chair, Gibbs began flipping through the pages, wondering if it would tell him something that he could do to help his wife.

**Be patient, kind and loving to her**. _Yeah_, Gibbs thought, _tell me something I don't know_.

**Don't push your wife into intimacy**, he read. _Trying_, he reminded the information, rolling his shoulders.

Gibbs turned a few more pages and found a section entitled, 'Your Feelings.' Curious, he started reading again.

**If you are supporting your wife after a rape, chances are you are feeling helpless as she tries to cope with what happened to her, but you are not. You can play an active part in her healing by giving her the space to deal with what happened in her own time.**

**Even if you feel the need to talk about it, she may not. Let her know that you are there if she needs to talk, but don't force her. Find someone you trust to help support you through this time.**

**Remember there is no time frame within which your partner will be cured. Everyone deals with trauma at different rates and in different ways**.

**It can be difficult to know when to resume intimacy. It's important to be open and honest about how you are feeling and make sure you know how she is feeling. Your wife will need to go at her own pace and rebuild the trust you previously shared**.

_So far this sounds like a lists of do's and don'ts_, Gibbs remarked. _What does it have to do with my feelings about what happened to Jenny? _Closer to the end of the book, he finally found advice for himself in a list format.

**If you're supporting a woman who has survived a rape, it can be easy to forget the need to look after yourself.**

**Be gentle with yourself. You are trying.**

**Remember that you do not have magic powers - you are a human with limits.**

**Give support or encouragement, and also learn to accept it for yourself.**

**You may feel helpless at times, but caring and just being there are very important acts.**

**Try to focus on good things that happen each day.**

**Give yourself time to recover. You are important.**

**Laugh and enjoy yourself. Even if it doesn't seem appropriate, you must find release somewhere.**

**If you want to be able to help your wife, you must first acknowledge your own feelings about her experience. Choose an activity that will help you de-stress, so you don't end up taking your frustration and guilt out on your wife or the people around you.**

_Somebody's been spying on me_, Gibbs decided surprised at how accurate some of the information was. He'd known this process was not going to be easy, but he hadn't been prepared for how he was reacting. _I'm sure glad Bill agreed to meet me_, he admitted, putting the pamphlet away to look at again later. There was a lot he'd skipped over and Gibbs wouldn't be shocked to discover a whole lot more that might help.

At five minutes before the hour, Gibbs dropped his fifth cup of coffee in the garbage bin beside his desk and made for the elevator. McGee looked up curiously, but unlike Tony, knew better than to ask. Down in the training gym, Gibbs smiled at the sight of his old friend sitting beside the ring wrapping his hands.

"How are you Bill?" he asked.

"Still early for everything I guess," Bill chuckled.

"Old habits die hard," Gibbs smiled. "Give me a minute to change and I'll join you."

"I'll be waiting for you," Bill promised.

Minutes later Gibbs came out in dark blue shorts and a gray t-shirt. He wrapped his hands in silence and picked up gloves before stepping into the ring. Bill observed him quietly.

"Just need to go a couple rounds," Gibbs informed his friend, slapping his gloves together.

"Still working on that anger management problem Jethro?" Bill ribbed his friend.

Gibbs' signature half-grin was more sad than the amused Bill had expected. "That and then some," he nodded.

It had been years since he and Bill had gotten together. And while the entire building was now aware of at least part of, if not the entire story of what happened to the director, few were let in on the personal connection he and Jenny shared. His team seemed content to keep the information about their marriage on the down low, enjoying it as their own little secret. Even now Gibbs was wondering how much he would tell if Bill asked.

The two men circled each other, fists at the ready. A quick jab here, dodging an uppercut there, and they found the old familiar rhythm. Some hits, some misses, neither trying to hurt the other but Gibbs needed the release. He darted forward and hooked a foot behind Bill's ankle and wrapped an arm around the man's neck. Bill responded by using Jethro's own body weight to throw him to the ground. Gibbs lay there a moment, stunned. He took the arm Bill offered him to get up.

"Didn't see that one coming," he laughed, rubbing his back.

"Don't you remember basic training Gunny?" Bill grinned. "Always anticipate."

"That's what I tell my team."

"I guess you haven't been listening."

Gibbs frowned at his friend. "I thought we were just boxing Bill."

The eyebrow Bill raised warned him of what was coming. "They don't teach boxing in the Corps, Jethro, they teach fighting."

Gibbs remembered the day he'd brought his team down for combat training, leaving McGee to grapple with Kate while he took on Tony. He'd told Tony the very same thing. "I guess it has been a long time," was all he said before getting back into position.

After they'd each been thrown a couple times, and were starting to miss more punches than they dodged, Gibbs and Bill called a halt.

"We are definitely getting too old for this," Bill grumbled, pushing between the ropes.

Gibbs was breathing hard and wiped away the collecting sweat with his arm. "Ah, a little fight never hurt anyone. At least we weren't dodging bullets."

Bill laughed comically. "When did you become a glass half-full man?" he demanded. "The Gunny Gibbs I knew always expected the worst."

"Still do," Gibbs agreed, sitting down. "But I try not to get too jaded. We all got to believe in something."

Bill looked at him. "What do you believe in Jethro?" The last time he checked, Gibbs had not been a God-fearing man.

Gibbs' sigh was heavy. "I don't know Bill. But right now, it would be really nice to have something to hold on to."

Draping a towel around his neck, Bill zipped up his gym bag. "Tell me about it Jethro. I've got time."

He couldn't meet his friends eyes. It was humiliating to talk about, feeling like he'd failed as a man and a husband. "I guess the first thing I should tell you is that I'm married again."

Bill's eyes flew to his ring finger and saw the silver band and the look in the man's eyes. "Good for you Jethro. I always hoped you'd find the right person, after Shannon I mean."

Gibbs nodded slowly. "I did. I found her, and lost her for years, got involved with the wrong people, and finally found her again. My own miracle." He forced a laugh. "I guess if I was going to believe in God, she'd be my reason."

"Nothing wrong with being inspired," Bill smiled, thinking of his own wife waiting for him at home. "So what's up?" He knew his friend wouldn't call him up after all these years just because he'd had a bad day. No, whatever was going on with Jethro was something serious.

Gibbs went to shove his hands in his pockets only to realize his gym shorts didn't have any. "The trouble all started two weeks ago. She works here and we were leaving together..."

For the next half hour, Gibbs shared his and Jenny's story. He saw the compassion and sadness and anger on his friend's face and suddenly realized why it was important to have someone to talk to. He just needed to know someone else cared.


	62. Chapter 62

_A/N: This has absolutely nothing to do with the story, but I thought it was funny so I'm just going to throw it out there. You know you're addicted to NCIS when...the lock on your door breaks and you immediately think that it might've been someone trying to break in and wonder where Abby is with the fingerprint kit. Not even joking, happened to me this morning. Lol. Enjoy guys!_

"Hey Abs," Tony smiled, walking into the lab later that night, "I got your text, what's up?"

"I heard about what you did to McGee's desk this morning," she grinned and held her hand up for a high five. "Nice. Can you get me some of those stickers? I want to put them on the wall in my office."

Tony brought a hand out from behind his back and handed her a ziploc bag full of them. "I thought you'd like that." He hesitated. "So...you got something? I didn't think you'd text just for stickers."

Abby twirled around a couple times. "I've got something to tell you, but it's not case related. It's kind of a secret."

Tony groaned. "Don't tell me I'm your replacement for girl-talk with Kate, Abby!" It had taken years, but they'd finally gotten to a place where they could laugh when they remembered Kate, instead of cry. Tony still a hard time hearing her name, Abby missed the sound of her voice and Gibbs went to the cemetery every year on her birthday with a bouquet of flowers. McGee didn't say much but it could safely be assumed that he was carefully remembering Kate in his heart. They had been good friends.

Abby's laughter was not comforting. "Oh, I don't know Tony...since when were you afraid of a little girl-talk? Aren't you the one that wants to know everybody's secrets?"

He leaned back against the stainless steel table and crossed his arms. "As long as I don't have to braid your hair," he said dryly. Tony had interrupted Kate helping Abby with her pigtails one day. Girly stuff scared him. He didn't know what he'd ever do if he had a daughter. Actually, it was the wife to get the daughter part that scared him. But Tony snapped himself back to present. "What's the big secret Abby? Gibbs is going to whack me so hard I'll be seeing stars if I don't have a good excuse for being gone this long."

"Tell him...I locked you in the lab and wouldn't let you leave until I cleared my conscience."

Tony rolled his eyes. "Nice Abby. Next you're going to suggest that I tell him I love him too."

She smirked. "It works for me."

"Well not all of us can be the favourite Abs." He stood up. "Now are you going to tell me this secret or do I have to ask Bert?"

He had to laugh at Abby's horrified expression. "Bite your tongue Tony! Bert would never give up any of my secrets. Not even under torture."

Tony pulled out his phone. "I have Ziva's number here. Cave Abby, before I have to get drastic."

Abby backed off, hands held out in front of her. "Okay, okay. Sheesh, you'd think it's illegal for a girl to have any fun around here."

"Any other time that doesn't involve an active case, a missing man, and a disgruntled boss," Tony elaborated. "Please Abby!" he begged. "I have to get back upstairs."

"Some big brother you are," she grumbled, crossing her arms and making a face at him, "you just don't have any time for me." Tony started forward to give her a hug and reassure her that it was just the opposite, but froze when he heard her next words. "If you did, maybe you'd notice that I was dating someone."

Tony glared at her. She'd pulled the little sister card. No fair. He raised an eyebrow. "Anyone I know?"

Her smile returned and her cheeks actually got a little rosy against the unnaturally white skin of her face. "Yes."

He folded his arms across his chest. "Are you going to make me guess?"

"You're only going to need one," she replied in a sing-song voice.

Tony groaned. "Abby, you didn't! Tell me you didn't agree to date the Probie again?"

She clapped her hands and jumped up and down. "I did. And I'm surprised. It's been almost a week and the only speculation I heard about came from McGee." She shook her finger at him. "You should've asked."

The agent shook his head. "Ooh, Probie is going to get it now. Wait until Gibbs finds out!" He laughed smugly. "I can just imagine the conversation."

"Sorry to rain on your parade Tony," Abby informed him, "but you missed it. Gibbs found out on Tuesday and both Tim and I already got a talking to from Papa Bear." She pouted. "I don't suppose a congratulatory hug from my big brother might be coming next?"

Tony couldn't resist the look on her face and wrapped his arms around her slight frame. Abby and Probie dating...he was going to make McGee's life miserable.

"Be nice," she whispered in his ear. "I want to keep him this time Tony."

He pulled back to see if she was serious. "Are you sure?" Her eyes told the truth. "Wow. That serious, huh?" Tony tweaked one of her ponytails. "Okay Abs. But if he breaks your heart...I'm going to let Ziva at him!"

Abby grinned. "Now that's the Tony I know and love." She hugged him again. "Thanks Tony."

"Do I get to catch the garter at your wedding?" His smile was expectant.

Abby punched him in the shoulder. "Get out of my lab Tony." He wisely rushed for the elevator and Abby couldn't help but smile after him. That was their DiNozzo - love him one minute, hate him the next. Like she'd told Tim earlier, Tony was never going to change and she for one was glad. She needed a little Tony in her life. She just hoped McGee survived the hazing that was going to come next.

**NCIS**

It was late. Jenny Gibbs lay in bed in her darkened room, staring at the blue numbers on the alarm clock and willing them to move faster. She couldn't sleep tonight. Not that she was afraid of dreams that might come or worried that she wasn't safe. Her house was just as safe as Jethro's. A gun in each of their bedside tables, a knife under the mattress, and a good sized pink rock that she used as a door stop. She was pretty confident in her ability to make an intruder regret entering her house without permission.

No, tonight her mind was full of thoughts inspired by what Kristyn had said in their session today. Though if she was to be perfectly honest, Jenny would have to admit that she really only paid full attention to the first half. The rest she kind of just glossed over. She wondered if she was crazy to even be considering it. Yes, it had been two weeks. But on the other hand one could argue that it had only been two weeks. She knew her husband wanted to be with her and her body wanted him, even though her mind was still very divided on the matter.

Jenny rolled over again, wishing Jethro was here beside her. She hated sleeping in the bed without him. But if he was here, that might make her decision harder. _Or easier_, she thought wryly, remembering the dark look in his eyes, the way his hands had felt running over her body in their bath last week, the longing she had felt the first time she kissed him after it happened. Doing the wrong thing could ruin everything. But she was sick of doing nothing! So what if healing had it's own timetable? So what if the shrink told her not to rush anything? It was her life, wasn't it? Yes, it was, and she was going to deal with this her own way, on her own terms.

The stubbornness inside her felt like a burden. Yes and no, right and wrong, what to do? No one understood what it was like inside her skin, what it felt like inside her head. All those images she couldn't shake, the phantom feeling of the man's hands still on her, no matter how many times she washed. Something had to make it better. Maybe this would. But what if it made everything worse? Jenny was thankful that she'd married a loving man. He seemed to be able to take all of her mistakes and turn them into one more way to love her better. The question was, would he have the strength to do it this time, if everything she was thinking about doing with him blew up in their faces?

She heard the sound of the door, and her ears perked up. A glance at the clock showed not many minutes since the last time she'd looked. 2am. She wondered how long he would stay before he just had to go back to work again. Jenny remembered the cases when Gibbs used to sleep at the office, in his chair or on the floor behind his desk during an intense case. She'd found him there once, before they were married, and tried to convince him to go home and sleep for a couple of hours. He'd refused, unless she came with him. Jenny hesitated. They'd been trying to take things slow, trying to wait. Them in the same bed would not encourage waiting.

He'd seen the war in her eyes and closed his, telling her to go home and he'd see her in the morning. It wasn't many more weeks before he proposed. Jenny knew he loved her, but she had to laugh when one of the reasons he gave was that he wanted to sleep in the same bed as her again. Of course there were more valid reasons, but that was a funny one that had stuck out to her. Two days later they were sleeping in the same bed. Except that very little sleeping was getting done. She was pretty sure they'd been sleep deprived for a solid week before they actually started sleeping at night. And even then it wasn't like their fun ended, they just kept it shorter unless they had a weekend together to look forward to.

Jenny heard her husband's footsteps at the top of the stairs. He was being really quiet, trying not to wake her. "Jethro," she whispered.

He looked over at her. "I'm sorry Jen. I was trying to be quiet."

"You were."

"Can't sleep?" he asked.

"A little. And a little waiting for you. How long are you here?"

He smiled but she could see that he was tired. "All night," he answered.

She frowned. "Why?"

"What? Don't want to keep me that long?" He finished changing into his pyjamas and sat down on his side of the bed.

"Stop. Of course I'd rather you stayed. But why?"

Gibbs rubbed his forehead. "We closed the case two hours ago, found the Gunny."

"Where?"

"Caught the killer trying to dump his body back at the crime scene. I wanted to look at it again to see if we missed something. Another five minutes and we might not have caught the guy."

"Who was it?" Jenny asked, rubbing his back slowly.

"Worse news. The Gunny's CO. The same guy who reported him missing to the police and who gave us everything we asked for to help with the investigation." His voice hardened. "I liked the guy Jen, he was everything a commanding officer is supposed to be, except he wasn't."

"I'm sorry Jethro," Jenny whispered sincerely. It wasn't often the Gibbs gut failed, but when it did, he questioned his judgment for days or weeks. "Some of the bad guys are just too good at what they do."

Gibbs leaned back against the pillows. "We should be better."

There was no talking him out of beating himself up for this, Jenny knew. She'd tried before and failed. For awhile she just sat there and watched her husband, hating the hurt in his expression. His eyes were closed and he wasn't looking at her, but he still seemed to know everything.

"You're looking me," he grumbled.

She ran a hand down his hair. "Just trying to figure out what you need."

He opened his eyes and searched her face. "A hug," he said definitively.

Loving him with her eyes before she ever touched him, Jenny made a decision. She was going to sleep with her husband tomorrow. She was going to let him help her erase all the memories and feelings she still had left. And she was going to give her body back to her husband, to let him have the comfort he needed from her as well. It was going to fix everything. She snuggled up close to Jethro, hearing his sigh as he enclosed her in his strong arms. He held her tightly and she put her arms around his neck to hug him back. Every night should be like this, she thought, drawing her own comfort from his embrace as she closed her eyes, finally ready to fall asleep.


	63. Chapter 63

_A/N: Please don't hate me guys. I know there's a lot of angst in these next couple chapters, but I promise it's not forever. As Kristyn would say, "It's going to get better. There's just a whole lot of complicated to get through first." Stay tuned!_

When Gibbs opened his eyes the next morning, he found his arm around a beautiful redhead who was fast asleep on his chest, her body resting against him. He didn't want to move, barely changed his breathing as he lay there, now fully awake and extremely glad this wasn't a dream. Turning his head slightly, he got a glimpse of the clock - shortly after 11am. He and Jenny really weren't much for sleeping in, but these last couple weeks they seemed to have picked up the habit for weekends.

Jenny stirred on his chest and Gibbs kept still, wanting her to sleep longer so he could keep holding her like this. Yesterday's botched case still hung heavy on his mind. Rubbing a piece of Jenny's silky hair between his fingers, Gibbs remembered having to make the phone call at midnight, to tell the Gunny's wife he was sorry and that her husband was dead. Unconsciously his arm tightened around Jenny. The thought that he could've been the one getting that middle of the night phone call about his beloved wife was enough to cause his heart to skip a beat and his muscles to tense. Jenny opened her eyes.

"Jethro?" her voice sounded sleepy and confused. "What's wrong?" He was holding her as if he was afraid she might suddenly disappear. "Were you dreaming?

For the first couple months after their marriage, Gibbs would dream about Paris and remember how she left him. He'd thrash and moan, reaching for her and waking up in a panic if he couldn't feel her next to him. She used to lay as close as she could get, running her fingers through his hair, whispering into his ear that she was here, she wasn't going anywhere, she promised never to leave him again. It had hurt to watch and it was a long time before she even left the house without him, he'd been so subconsciously afraid of losing her now that they'd found each other again.

Gibbs closed his eyes, fighting off his fears of what might have been.

"That could've been you Jen," he whispered, his voice tight. "That could've been me getting that phone call to tell me you were dead." He shook his head, his eyes holding hers. "I couldn't do it again Jenny. Not another woman I love with everything I have to give gone from me."

"Jethro," she said softly, "Jethro, don't." Jenny tried to push herself up so she could sit beside him and comfort him, but he just held her tighter.

"No!" he said emphatically. "Don't get up, not yet Jen. Please, just let me hold you."

The pain in his voice hurt her. "Oh Jethro, I wasn't going anywhere." She shifted her body upwards instead, positioning her head next to his. "I'm alright honey. I'm here, I'm safe. You didn't get that phone call," she whispered into his ear, hoping to reassure.

Several minutes passed before Gibbs body began to relax as Jenny spoke the words to him over and over. He lessened his hold on her. When she thought it wouldn't bother him quite so much, Jenny rolled away from her husband and propped her head on her hand while she lay next to him, pulling her fingers softly through his hair. Gibbs closed his eyes, enjoying her touch. When she leaned down to kiss his forehead, he rolled over to face her and took her face in his hands.

"Jenny, can I?" he asked, needing more contact with her.

She smiled and nodded, leaning into the kiss. For the first time since she'd come home, Jenny's tongue touched his lips and he gladly parted them to let it in. His tongue also found the inside of her mouth: tasting her, touching her, pouring everything into the kiss. When Gibbs felt his body beginning to heat, he pulled back, but Jenny's hand on his neck kept him close.

"No," she whispered, "don't stop."

"Jen," he closed his eyes, breathing hard and fighting his desire for her, "I can't just kiss you like that."

Jenny waited for him to look at her again. Standing by the decision she'd made in the night, "Make love to me Jethro," she whispered, filled with longing but also fear.

Gibbs could see it in her eyes, that she wasn't teasing, that she meant it, that she was sure she wanted to try. Pulling her mouth back to his, he kissed his wife breathless. Jenny's hands slipped around his back as she pressed her body in close to him. Their legs entwined, their mouths connected, the only thing between them was Gibbs pyjamas and Jenny's nightgown.

He moved away from kissing her to tug on his shirt and Jenny helped him discard it, putting her hands on his bare chest for the first time in two weeks. While Gibbs struggled out of his pj pants and moved his lips from her mouth to the side of her neck, Jenny placed a row of soft kisses on her husband's warm chest, pleased when he moaned in pleasure.

Only his boxers left now but Gibbs didn't touch them yet. What little he knew about rape told him one of the reasons it was so painful was because the woman's body had no time to get ready. He wanted to make sure Jenny was ready before they moved further. He slipped his hand under Jenny's nightgown, experiencing her first resistant to his touch. She shook her head.

"No, don't," Jenny said. "Not yet. Leave it on, please."

Gibbs removed his hand. "Jenny, are you sure you want to?" It would be so hard to turn back now, but he would, if she needed it.

Jenny closed her eyes and kissed him again. "Yes. And no." She whispered against his lips. "Just tell me that you'll go slow, that you'll be gentle."

"I promise," he said. "Oh Jen, I couldn't even be anything else."

She nodded, her hands still on his chest. "Okay."

He took that as a yes and kissed her again, long and hard. On the outside of her clothes, he ran his hand all the way down her side, gazing her butt while the other stayed on her neck, to keep her close. The feel of her against him was testing his patience, he wanted more than just kisses and touches. Gibbs' hand made it's way under Jenny's nightgown again, this time to slip her panties off in one well-rehearsed motion. It didn't take long for his boxers to follow, and that's when Gibbs suddenly realized that even though this was something they both wanted, because of what had happened to her, Jenny's reaction was not likely to be all that he hoped for. When she tensed, feeling the desire in his body pressed against her, Gibbs had the fleeting thought that this first time might not be fun, but very difficult for both of them.

In an instant, everything had changed for Jenny. One moment she was kissing her husband and enjoying the feel of his touch, the next minute her body against his with only her nightgown in-between was beginning to bring back unwanted memories. Still, Jenny pressed them back. She was going to do this, she had to. The longer she waited, the worse it was going to be, at least that was the logic swirling around in her passion focused mind. She kissed her husband with more force that she'd planned, trying to use what she knew to keep the bad thoughts away. This was her husband, he loved her, she loved him, their bodies together this way was something that was supposed to happen. She had no reason to be afraid. But she wasn't sure if she could convince her mind.

Gibbs knew the next part wasn't going to be easy for Jenny, so he would do his best to be gentle and take things slow. He fingered the bottom of Jenny's nightgown, slowly sliding it up around her waist. Turning her carefully onto her back, he took his time entering and then held very still, waiting for a cue from his wife, wanting to know what she was thinking.

Even though the gentleness she felt from her husband was a far cry from the violence with which she'd been attacked, Jenny suddenly had no control over her body. Having Jethro inside her hurt and she closed her eyes and turned her head away from him, tears pricking the inside of her eyelids. It wasn't supposed to be like this, why couldn't they just be normal together? Gibbs watched her reaction, feeling pain inside him for what she was going through, and suddenly he longed to be anywhere else.

He stayed only as long as she wanted, barely a few moments and when she pushed on his chest, Gibbs moved away, all the pleasure from earlier gone between them. Jenny pulled her nightgown down to her knees, curled on her side and let the tears slide silently down her cheeks, her body shaking as she cried. Gibbs took only a moment to slip out of bed and retrieve his boxers before sliding in behind her and pulling her tight to his chest, holding her as she wept. He wasn't sure if his touch would help right now, but he wanted so badly to make all the hurt go away. And as much as he hated the sight of his wife in pain, Gibbs couldn't stop his longing for her. Two weeks was a long time to be without her this way and he really wanted to get back to them. But not like this.

Jenny lay on her side, hating herself. She cried for her body and the pain that reminded her of the bunker. She cried for herself, wondering if she would ever find pleasure in sharing her body again. She cried for Jethro, who loved her and wanted her and who was trying so hard to be everything she needed. She cried because she'd been wrong and this first time together hadn't fixed anything. Rather, it might have ruined everything. And she cried, because she was so tired of not being normal and she just wanted to go back to when she loved her husband and life was good.

**NCIS**

Slowly, after several moments, Jenny began to inch away from Jethro. He lay there, helplessness overtaking him as he felt the closeness they'd shared earlier slipping away.

After awhile, he got up, mumbling, "Gonna take a shower."

Jenny didn't answer, she didn't move, but he had to assume she'd heard him. Gibbs turned the shower on nice and hot and stood under the spray without moving. He sighed. This had been a mistake. After everything they'd been through, after all the information on patience and not pushing he'd been getting from every imaginable source, he should've known she wasn't ready. But was it really all his fault? Jenny knew he wanted her, knew he wouldn't be able to resist when she'd asked. On the other hand, he was the leader, the husband, maybe he should've told her it would be best to wait. It was so hard to separate his emotions from his body, his logic from the desire that coursed through him whenever she was close.

It wasn't fair! He pounded a fist against the shower wall, caught with the sudden urge to throw something. He picked up the bar of soap and rubbed it roughly over his body, wanting to erase what they had just done. What if this set them further back? What if it was a month before the next time she'd let him that close? Closing his eyes, Gibbs tried to hold onto the moment before they'd connected, the moment when they were connecting with each other just by kisses and touches, conveying love and longing all without a word or a breath. If only they'd stayed there. But he couldn't change what they'd done and he couldn't fix it.

Gibbs could feel himself withdrawing emotionally, what he always did when things got tough, just the way Jenny had physically withdrawn from him in bed. The weekends were supposed to be about them, about getting back to each other, and working on whatever wasn't going well. But now this weekend would be about feeling bad, about being frustrated with the limitations and angry at the reactions. He turned around and let the water run over his face, keeping his eyes closed. It was going to be a long weekend until he could go back to work on Monday and put his focus somewhere else. If Jenny was anywhere near him today it was going to be hard. Maybe he could take a couple hours off and go to his house. Building a boat in the basement had to be good for something. What else if not to avoid his mixed feelings about his wife right now?

When he came back out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist, Jenny looked away. She was sitting up in bed now, knees folded against her chest, just staring into space. Any other time he would ask what was wrong, but there was no point when he already knew. Them was what was wrong. And just about everything else too, if they were to get specific. Before he could change, Jenny got up and hurried into the bathroom. He heard the click of the lock engaging. So there it was, she couldn't trust him. Even if it had been her idea, he should've stopped it, should've saved her from herself or some nonsense like that.

Gibbs balled up the towel and threw it with force against the room, where it hit the wall and slumped into a pile on the floor. Jerking on old jeans and a worn t-shirt that he didn't care about messing up with working on his boat, he headed downstairs to start the coffee. Noemi didn't come in on weekends, which was good, because he probably couldn't eat anything right now. He wondered if it was too early for a shot of bourbon in his coffee.

**NCIS**

Jenny couldn't believe she'd been so stupid. Leaning against the door, away from what others might think, she felt safe. What had she been thinking? That trying to have sex with her husband wouldn't bring up any memories of the last time, when a man had forced himself inside her? She was an idiot. Kristyn had warned her, don't rush. And what had she done? Rushed ahead like she was all-knowing and could handle it. She couldn't even look at Jethro right now. She'd played him, knowing what he wanted from her and practically begging for it so he couldn't resist.

Are you sure? he'd asked her. Yes, she said. Stupid. _Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! _Jenny reamed herself out for her actions, hating her body for betraying her, hating her mind for refusing to let go, hating everything about her messed up life right now. Things had been going good! Good moments and bad moments yes, but they'd been working on more good. And now she'd messed it all up in one horrible morning. This would not be a good weekend, rather a series of incredibly bad and even awkward moments as they both tried to deal with the ramifications of "trying."

Flipping on the shower, Jenny stuck her hand under the water, turning it hotter until she reached the limit of what she could stand. Ripping her nightgown off over her head, she stepped into the shower, welcoming the sharp sting of the hot water on her back. With jerky, angry movements, Jenny shampooed her hair and washed her body. If only that could make everything go away. When she'd rinsed, clean on the outside but definitely not on the inside where she felt dark and dirty, Jenny didn't want to get out.

Reminiscent of the beginning of the first week, she sat down at the back of the tub, folded her arms over her knees and laid her head down, while the water streamed over her face, into her ear, down her cheek and dripping off her chin. _I am the worst wife ever_, she thought morosely, wondering what she could do today to take her mind off her husband and what he must think of her now. Suddenly she remembered the files in her briefcase that she'd packed out of habit. Yes, today just might be the day to catch up on some excess paperwork. It was a good way to keep some distance between them until their feelings returned to normal. If they ever did, which right now, she wasn't certain of.


	64. Chapter 64

Gibbs was just pulling on his coat when he heard Jenny's soft, hesitant voice at the top of the stairs.

"Jethro?" she asked, "Are you going somewhere?"

He sighed. No easy way to say it. "I need a break Jen. Figured I'd head over and put in some time on my boat."

"Oh." He wasn't sure if she was relieved or disappointed that he was leaving. "Will you be at your house all day then?"

Nodding, he accepted the inevitable. "Likely."

She stood there for several moments in silence, not making eye contact with him. Gibbs wondered if she was struggling with herself for something. Finally she found the words.

"Can I come with you?" He knew it cost her to ask, but he wasn't sure if he could handle having her around right now. "I'll stay out of the way, I promise. I've got files to go over."

He hesitated, then nodded. "Okay. Are you ready?"

She nodded. "I think so. Is my briefcase down there?"

Gibbs scanned the hallway. "Yeah, it's here."

Jenny started down the stairs towards him and he was struck by how young and un-director like she looked. Her hair was down and tucked behind her ears. She was wearing a matching, pink and gray jogging suit and slip on shoes from her closet. He kept his eyes away from her face, didn't want to see her red rimmed eyes from crying or whatever wounded look was there now. Gibbs didn't move towards her or try to touch her in any way as she slipped her arms into her coat and pulled her hair out to hang down her back.

In silence they went out to the car. Jenny spent the drive staring out the windows at the neighbourhoods between her house and his, but she wasn't really seeing anything. Gibbs was wishing he had a bigger car, because his emotions were all at the surface and she was sitting too close. At his house he parked in the drive and got out, waiting for Jenny to go first before he unlocked the front door. She made a beeline for the living room, turning the lights on and getting comfortable on the couch. She wanted to prove that she was as good as her word to stay out of his way. Gibbs barely watched her for a second before striding towards the basement, wondering how the love that they'd enjoyed last night had turned into such a yawning gulf between them today.

Forcefully pushing the basement door shut, something he rarely did, Gibbs clattered down the stairs and flipped on his worklights. He dropped with a sigh onto the couch, sitting for a moment before he got to work. Images of Jenny's first night home flooded back. How he rushed home to her as soon as he had a full confession. How young she had looked sitting curled up on that couch. The fear in her eyes. The desperation he'd felt when she'd flung herself into his arms. And the moment he realized Jenny was not okay.

Running a hand down his face as if that would erase what he was seeing, Gibbs wondered if he should call Bill. Or Ducky even, who would be more than willing to listen to him talk. If he even knew what he wanted to talk about. But he didn't, not really. Everything was all jumbled up inside - his thoughts, his feelings, his memories, his fears - and he didn't know any other way to untangle everything than to do what he always did. Work with his hands.

There were boards to be cut and planed, holes to be bored, dowel pins to pound in, ends to be filed smooth, and always, always, more sanding to do. It was the only way he was going to stay sane. Focus on the wood, focus on the boat, and try with all his might to forget that his wife was sitting upstairs alone, probably regretting what they'd done that morning as much as he did.

**NCIS**

It was Saturday afternoon and Ziva was sharpening her knives. Holding one up so that it glinted in the sunlight coming through her window, she pulled her arm back and flicked it into the block of wood she had set up on the other side of the room. When it hit the bull's-eye, she smiled. Some things never got old. When someone knocked on the door, Ziva frowned and stood up, reaching for knife she still wore at her waist.

The knock came again, harder. "Come on Ziva!" she heard her partner's voice through the door. "Let me in!"

Ziva rolled her eyes and resisted the urge to ignore him. Knowing Tony, he would just find a way to get more annoying. Checking the peephole by force of habit, she finally opened her apartment door, leaned against the door frame and glared at him.

"What do you want Tony?"

"Whoa!" he stepped back. "Look who's in a bad mood on this glorious weekend day. What's wrong Ziva? Wake up on the wrong side of your bed of nails?"

She frowned. "Why would anyone sleep on a bed of nails?"

Sighing, Tony shook his head. "Never mind." He looked past her. "Are you going to invite me in?"

Ziva crossed her arms. "That depends. What are you doing here?"

Tony smiled and held a DVD out in front of him. "I'm here to add some good, old-fashioned American culture to your life Ziva. The Great Escape." He looked back at the cover, lost in his admiration of the film. "Classic movie. A time worn tail of imprisonment and escape. 1963. Starring Steve McQueen, James Garner, Richard Attenborough, and David McCallum. Nominated for an Oscar and won for Best Actor at the Moscow International Film Festival. Good times." He looked into her impassive face. "Come on Ziva, you're going to love it."

Without waiting for her okay, he pushed past her into the apartment, coming to a halt when he caught sight of her knife collection. "Uh...Ziva?"

She shut the door and walked over to him. "Yes Tony?"

He tugged at the collar of his shirt. "Any way you can put these...fine looking weapons somewhere else so I don't feel in danger of dying while we watch this movie?"

Ziva sat down and picked up one of the knives, twirling it between her fingers. "Do I make you nervous Tony?"

"Only when there are sharp objects lying around."

With a roll of her eyes Ziva scooped up the knives, re-depositing them on the kitchen counter with the black, roll out case she used to store them. "Better?"

His trademark grin was back in place. "Much." Tony handed her the DVD. "Get ready to have the experience of a lifetime, partner."

Walking over to her TV stand, Ziva inserted the movie. "As long as we're only talking about the film Tony."

His eyebrows raised. "What else might we be talking about Ziva?"

She stared at him, knowing that the likelihood of there being an ulterior motive somewhere in his showing up was very high. Finally she gave up. "Nothing Tony. Just the film."

Tony's eyes followed Ziva as she took a seat on the other side of her sofa. He stretched out and got comfortable, still trying to remember what on earth possessed him to show up at her door with a movie. His only possible excuse was the news about Probie and Abby. But that could wait until later.

**NCIS**

"Timmy, at least tell me where we're going!" Abby begged, following her boyfriend as he dragged her by the hand to some mysterious location for a surprise.

He sighed. "If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise anymore."

"I don't like surprises McGee."

Tim looked back at her, disbelief on his features. "You love surprises Abby."

"Well, I like them better when I know what they're going to be first," she insisted.

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Not making sense is my second job," his girlfriend retorted.

"Especially when you're explaining chemicals or computers to Gibbs, right?"

She giggled. "It is kind of funny to see that lost puppy look on his face. If it weren't for Gibbs and Tony, I would probably speak fluent geek all the time and forget that no one understand what's I'm talking about."

"I understand Abby."

"Anyone else but you Tim."

Finally they emerged from the wooded path into a park area. Abby cocked her head to the side. "You brought me to the playground McGee? What for?"

"Didn't you tell me one time that your favourite thing to do when you were little was go on the swings?"

"McGee, I was like...five," Abby pointed out.

"I know. But still, you had this look on your face like it was such a good memory. So I wanted to recreate that memory for you, but I wanted this one to be with me."

"Aww, Timmy, that's so sweet, but..." she hesitated, "don't you think we're a little old to be going on the swings? Those little kids might start looking at us funny."

"Abby, the last thing you are afraid of is a few funny looks. You get them all the time. And I'm here today to tell you that there is no such thing as an age limit on swings."

"Okay," Abby agreed reluctantly, "if you're sure you want to make a fool out of yourself, I'm game."

"All guys make fools of themselves for the girls they love, it's practically a rule," Tim responded without blinking.

There it was again, the 'L' word. But he said it like he just loved to let her know, not in a way that made her feel guilty for not saying it back. They settled on the swings together and took a minute to get comfortable. Tim looked at her and grinned.

"I'll race you to see who gets highest first," he challenged.

For a moment Abby considered just blurting it out right there, 'I love you'. It would be so them, to do it like that when he wasn't expecting a thing. But for some reason she decided to keep it to herself a little longer. Instead she took up his challenge.

"You're on ElfLord."

"Abby..." he groaned. She knew how much he hated the nickname Tony had given him and Gibbs for some reason had picked up on.

"Sorry. Tim."

"Better. On your mark...get set...go!"

They both started pumping their legs and began gliding through the air. After a minute Abby started laughing and began to feel again the wondrous joy of being a child again. She looked over at McGee. And she was almost absolutely sure that she loved this man who was thoughtful enough to recreate a memory with her. Now she just needed to find the right 'Abby' way to let him know it. Planning that moment was going to be fun.

**NCIS**

NCIS Director Jenny Shepard sat curled up on her husband's couch, glasses on, reading through her fourth report of the afternoon. It was quiet in Gibbs' house, as if it knew he didn't like to be disturbed unless it was absolutely necessary. Sighing, she looked out the window for the umpteenth time, still finding new ways to chew herself out for her actions that morning and her thought process last night that made it sound like the right thing to do.

She missed her husband. She missed the way he'd been so attentive the last couple weeks, barely letting her out of his sight. At times his attention had felt smothering, but now she felt bereft without it. He was here, one floor away from her, and yet she couldn't remember that last time she'd felt this distant from him. Part of her wanted to go downstairs, pick up a sanding block, and stay there working on his boat until he finally said something to her. The other part was afraid Gibbs was going to tell her that this was not worth the effort and he wanted out of the deal.

If anyone asked, Jenny guessed that was her deepest fear. Being the one that initially broke off their relationship when she knew he wanted more, she always felt the need to compensate for it now. Even though Jethro had several times said he forgave her, that he didn't hold the past against her, that he would marry her ten times over, she still sometimes thought he'd gotten the raw end of the deal. What if one day he realized she just wasn't worth the effort anymore?

While these thoughts and many more were running through her head, Jenny's cell phone rang. Prepared to answer it with her typical, "Shepard," she glanced at the caller ID first. That was strange. Her phone said Jethro was calling her. Gibbs didn't use his cell phone unless his hand was forced, he hated the small device that so often intruded on his solitude. She let it ring two more times, unsure of what she would say. Finally she flipped the phone open and slowly brought it to her ear.

"Hello?" she went with something safe.

There was silence for a moment, then she heard a sigh, followed by her husband's voice. "Hi Jen."

"Jethro." Jenny wasn't sure what to say. After all, he'd called her.

"This isn't as easy as I hoped."

Her throat constricted and she shifted positions on the couch. Surely he wouldn't tell her over the phone that he wanted out, would he? Jenny knew she probably deserved it after everything she'd put him through, but she prayed that was not why he called.

"What isn't?"

"Talking." He hesitated. "This morning was..."

"Bad. I know," Jenny let out a breath. "I'm sorry."

"Me too."

"What are you sorry for? It was my stupid idea."

"And I could've stopped it," her husband reminded her. "It takes two you know."

Jenny nodded before realizing he couldn't see her. "I know," she said softly.

He grunted like he was lifting something heavy before she heard his voice again. "Can you tell me what all that was about Jenny?"

She hung her head, annoyed to feel tears in her eyes. "No. It was stupid. It was something Kristyn said, but I didn't listen to the advice she gave, I just took part of what I heard and ran with it. And then the memories...I mean, I never thought...and I know you're different but..."

Suddenly she was crying and she set the phone down, grabbing one of the sofa pillows to cry into. Gibbs could hear her sobs and listened only a few seconds before hanging up. Well that had been a great idea, hadn't it? He tossed the phone across his workbench. This was not working. Digging in a box behind him, Gibbs came up with an old rubber mallet. It would make only a dull thudding noise that no one else was likely to hear. Gritting his teeth, Gibbs aimed the tool as the concrete wall of his basement and began to beat it, trying to stop feeling worse, trying to stop feeling anything at all.


	65. Chapter 65

No one felt like eating that day and therefore no meals were made. Gibbs was afraid of going upstairs because his wife was there and he just couldn't face her right now, so he went without coffee that day too. At least there was bourbon in the basement. When he finally climbed the stairs to the first floor, it was after midnight. Slowly he opened the basement door and found the entire main floor cloaked in darkness. So Jenny must've gone to bed, possibly quite awhile ago. For a moment Gibbs considered sleeping on the couch. But in the seven months that they'd been married, no matter what was going on between them, they still shared the same bed at night. It wasn't really a habit he wanted to break, even if being in the same room as his wife was hard.

He climbed the carpeted stairs, his feet making no noise. When he pushed open the door to their room, he saw moonlight draped over the bed, Jenny's still form curled up on one side. In darkness Gibbs changed to pyjamas, lifted the covers and eased himself into bed. She didn't move. He stretched out on his back and closed his eyes. Weary both physically and emotionally, he hoped sleep would be quick to come. But the minutes counted down and the hours stretched out and still he found no relief in the oblivion of sleep.

Laying on separate sides of the bed, both husband and wife were desperately alone. As far away as they felt tonight, they might as well be in different worlds.

**NCIS**

When Gibbs opened his eyes the next morning to bright sunshine, he felt betrayed in his misery. If anyone asked, he could truthfully say he didn't think either he or Jenny had slept. A constant changing of positions, the thick tension that filled their room, heavy sighs and the light breathing of those not yet in slumber had been going on all night. Maybe if they'd talked to each other, they might have somehow managed to find rest. But neither knew what to say, so both kept quiet.

The clock said it was 8am and Gibbs dreaded another long day like yesterday, with only silence and cluttered feelings between him and the woman he loved. Ordinarily if he hadn't slept, the last thing he felt like doing was going out and being social. Actually, he rarely felt like going out and being social. But today, and church with Abby, seemed like the perfect way to avoid what he didn't know how to fix. Without a word he got up, showered, dressed and made coffee. He left an extra mug out on the counter in case Jenny wanted a cup later. She hadn't stirred while he'd been in the room. Gibbs had a feeling she was just as much at a loss for what to say as he was.

On the drive to church Gibbs kept fighting with himself. Wondering if he should've invited Jenny along, but this was his thing with Abby and today for once, he wanted to do it alone. Abby was standing at the bottom of the stairs with her black parasol, right where she always waited. Her face lit up when she saw him and Gibbs managed a small smile for her sake. She held out her arms for a hug and Gibbs gladly obliged her, holding her a moment longer than he normally would, needing the comfort he usually gave.

When he pulled back, he knew it had been a mistake. The way Abby looked at him, she now knew something was wrong. He shook his head, discouraging her from asking here, and put a hand on the small of her back to escort her inside the building. Abby sat close during the service, frequently shooting glances at him from the corner of her eye while she tried to pay attention to the pastor. Gibbs was quiet today, and not just quiet, but silent. That was not normal. Especially around her. Abby was one of the few people who wouldn't let Gibbs away with one word sentences and grunts instead of telling her what he was thinking.

After the final song, Abby took his hand and comfortably followed him back to the parking lot. Gibbs squeezed her hand and let her go at her red car.

"I'll see you there Abs."

"Okay," Abby frowned as he got in his car. Something was going on with Gibbs and she was determined to get to the bottom of it by the time they finished lunch.

**NCIS**

It took Abby all of a minute after they sat down to get right to the point. "Are you going to tell me?"

Gibbs sighed. _Should've seen that one coming_. "Tell you what?"

Abby crossed her arms. "You know what, Gibbs. The reason you're walking around like a little lost puppy dog whose favourite person in the world is missing and not so much as saying 'boo' to anyone."

"Abs, do we have to do this?" he asked. "Can't we just have lunch like we always do?"

"We could Gibbs," Abby agreed. "But you need to talk about it, and you're obviously not telling anyone else. I'm a good listener, really. You wouldn't always know because I like to talk, and sometimes I talk too much and I don't hear what other people are saying, but for you, I can listen. I promise, really..."

Gibbs laid his hand over hers to quell the flow of words. "I know you're a good listener Abs. I just really don't want to talk about it."

"Maybe you don't want to," Abby repeated, "but I think you need to." She watched him quietly for several moments and then said in a quieter voice. "This is about Jenny, isn't it?"

He looked at the table. Sometimes he wished Abby didn't know him so well. "That obvious?"

She gave him a knowing look. "For the last year I've seen things change with you Gibbs. You used to look like that all the time. But the director made you happy again. Now whenever you look like that, it's either about a case or Jenny. Lately, more about Jenny. What happened?"

Gibbs rubbed a hand over his face. "We just had a bad day yesterday Abs. Really, you don't need to worry."

"But I am worried!" Abby insisted. "You're Gibbs, the closest thing I have to a father, and one of my best friends. I don't like it when you're hurting."

He took her hand and kissed it. "You're very sweet to be concerned Abby."

Abby shifted in her seat. "Gibbs I know we...the team...don't really know how to act around Jenny. And I'm sorry."

Gibbs shook his head. "For what?"

"For us always acting like nothing has changed. It's so easy not to think about what happened to her, we'd rather not for obvious reasons. But that doesn't mean anything is actually better. The director is just...so good at pretending everything is okay. So I'm not sure what to do."

Their waitress appeared with Abby's chocolate milk, which she seemed to be going through a phase with, and Gibbs' coffee. She didn't often ask them about drinks anymore when the odds were extremely high they'd be getting the same thing. But she seemed to sense the seriousness of the mood and left quickly, without asking how everything was.

"She's too good at pretending," Gibbs agreed, taking a sip of coffee.

"Is that what's wrong today?" Abby asked, still hoping she could help.

"Part of it," he admitted, knowing she wasn't going to give up.

"And the other part?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Not for your ears Abby."

It took a minute before the light came on and she understood. "Oh." She was silent a minute. "Well, if I can help, you'll tell me, right?"

He chuckled. "Only because if I don't I'll never hear the end of it."

"Good." Abby gave up on trying to get him to talk for now and launched into a monologue about what Bert had been up to this weekend and how he and her voo-doo dolls really didn't get along that well.

Gibbs sat back and listened to Abby talk, a slight smile on his face. This was one of the things he loved about Abby. No matter what was going on, she had the ability, just for awhile, to make him forget. He didn't have to listen to every word she said, sometimes Abby talked for a sheer love of talking and not to really say anything. But he watched her facial expressions, her constantly moving hands, and caught the occasional sign she threw in to make sure he was paying attention. He really did love this girl. He wondered if Kelly was alive and in her twenties, would they be going out for breakfast one morning each week, eager still to spend time with each other? Gibbs hoped so. Maybe Abby was his chance to still be a dad, once a week, if not more. And he was determined to enjoy every minute of it.

**NCIS**

When breakfast/lunch was well and finally finished and they'd exhausted all excuses for lingering any longer, Gibbs reached for his wallet and finally stood up. Abby took the cue and got out of their booth as well. They exited the restaurant and stood on the sidewalk in the bright sunshine for a minute. Gibbs looked at her.

"Want to go for a walk, Abby?" he didn't really want to go home yet. No telling what he'd find there.

Abby looked at him carefully and slowly shook her head, something he hadn't expected. "I can't Gibbs. I have a boyfriend waiting to see me. And you need to go home to your wife."

Gibbs looked down himself, wondering how it was that she could see right through him. He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Alright Abs. Be good."

She grinned. "Always Papa Bear."

"Now why don't I believe that?" he said, raising an eyebrow at her.

She twirled around and headed for her car. "Because you know me."

Gibbs watched her go and slowly got into his own car. For better or for worse, he and Jenny were in this together. He just hadn't known before how bad 'for worse' could feel. When he got home, the house felt empty. Frowning, he walked upstairs to see if Jenny was still sleeping. She wasn't. The bed was made and the bathroom smelled like her shampoo, so he knew she'd gotten ready. But she wasn't in the kitchen, or the basement either. The way things felt between them aside, Gibbs wanted to know she was alright.

"Jenny?" he called, the word echoing in the dark house.

About to reach for his cell phone when there was no answer, he noticed a scrap of paper on the table in the hall. When he picked it up, he recognized Jenny's handwriting. She obviously had thought carefully about what she wanted to say, because several words were scratched out and re-written.

_Jethro_, the note read, _I had my security detail pick me up. Special Agents Dryden and Kirk on this weekend_. She knew he would want to know who was with her._ Gone to the office, trying to catch up on paperwork_. He felt a pause in her words, even if it wasn't written. _See you tonight, my place, if you don't mind. I'll be late, don't wait up. Jen_.

Gibbs wasn't sure whether to feel relief for the pass she'd given him or frustration because now they were both running away. Past experience told him that wasn't the way to fix something this important to him. But he couldn't very well go chasing her to work, especially if she'd left because she didn't want to be around him today. He crumpled the paper into a little ball and tossed it. Time to get back to the basement.

He was on his way there when suddenly the thought hit him. No. He couldn't let this go any further. He couldn't keep hiding and hoping things would get better. Working on the boat was not enough to deal with everything going on inside him. With a glance at the clock, Gibbs grabbed his cell phone and dialed a number he hadn't called in years.

A woman's voice answered. "Hello?"

Gibbs smiled. "Hello Meredith. How are you?"

He could hear her smile. "Leroy Jethro Gibbs. What a pleasure! You know it's been years, don't you?"

"I know," he sighed, "I'm not really that great with keeping in touch."

"You're not the only one to blame," she assured him. "Bill told me that the two of you saw each other on Friday. I'm beginning to feel left out. When are you coming over for dinner? You can bring that new wife of yours, I'm dying to meet her."

Gibbs chuckled, feeling a tightness in his chest. "Not just yet Meredith, but hopefully someday soon. Is Bill around?"

She laughed. "Well I knew you didn't call just to talk to me. Let me go find my husband."

"Jethro," Bill greeted him a minute later, "I'm glad you called. I was thinking about you today. Meredith and I have been talking about your situation. I hope it's alright that I told her," he suddenly sounded unsure, "but you know I can't keep anything from her."

"Is that the way you stay married thirty years Gunny?" Gibbs asked. "No secrets?"

"That's definitely a good place to start. Now, what can do for you?"

Gibbs sighed. "It's been a really bad weekend Bill."

"I've got time Jethro."

Gibbs was silent a moment. "Bill?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad I called too."


	66. Chapter 66

Jenny took off her glasses and set them on the desk, rubbing her dry eyes. It was dark outside now and across the river lights reflected off the water. Turning her wrist, she squinted at the small hands on her watch. Maybe it was almost time to go home.

She stood and stretched. Hours sitting at that desk was never good for her back. If she and Jethro were speaking, Jenny would be hoping for a back massage when she got home. As it was, she couldn't even guess when he would dare to touch her again. Wrapping her arms around herself, Jenny felt a chill seep into the room. Or maybe it came from inside her. She missed Jethro. She hated that they were uncomfortable around each other. It wasn't like them! There had to be some way to fix what she had done.

Earlier that afternoon, Jenny had called her personal doctor, Sarah Mariott. The message she'd left on the doctor's voicemail requested an appointment on Monday, if she could squeeze her in. Normally it was wise to book a week or at least a few days before, but Jenny knew the hospital had sent over the incident report after they'd done their examination the day she was rescued. She figured Sarah would probably want to see her because of that anyways.

Jenny remembered back to Saturday morning. Although she'd been afraid for making love with her husband to hurt, she'd still been surprised that it had. Hopefully Sarah could tell her why and how long until it wouldn't. Because intimacy wasn't something she and Jethro could just give up forever. Eventually they would want it back. But she needed to be able to enjoy it, not fear it.

After pacing back and forth across her office, Jenny finally stopped and picked up the phone, dialing the number that automatically connected her to her security detail.

"Yes Director?" Special Agent Dryden's voice asked.

"I think it's time to go home Rich."

"Of course Director. I'll be right up."

"Thank you," Jenny said, replacing the phone in the cradle.

Leaving everything out on her desk so she could go back to it in the morning, Jenny took her coat off the rack and slipped it on. Tucking her cellphone in her pocket, she locked the door behind her. Agent Dryden entered the inner office moments later.

"All set Director?" he asked.

"Yes Rich," Jenny replied.

He escorted her to the elevator and they stood silently for the ride. When she was buckled in, Agent Kirk, who was driving, turned.

"To your house Director? Or your husbands'?"

Jenny's eyes widened and she noticed Agent Dryden's pointed glance at her wedding ring. So, they'd noticed as well. She had the idea that they'd suspected all along, but they'd never referred to her husband as anything but 'Special Agent Gibbs' until now.

She smiled. "My house will be fine, thank you gentlemen."

The ride home was peaceful and Jenny stared out the window, looking at the lights and watching DC at night. When they got to her street, Jenny saw that her house was dark and for a moment she felt a stab of disappointment. Perhaps Gibbs had chosen to stay at his place instead. Then she saw his car in the driveway. Well, at least they'd be in the same house, whatever good that was doing them.

Agent Dryden insisted on walking Jenny to the door.

"I'll let Special Agents Gregory and Samuels know their shift starts now. We called them earlier to say you were with us," Richard explained when she noticed the lack of a dark SUV across the street. "Dane and I will stay until they get here."

"Thank you Rich," she smiled.

"Good night Director," he nodded and started back to the car.

Jenny let herself into the cold house and set the alarm. Gibbs had left a lamp on, she noticed. Nice of him, when he knew she wasn't fond of the dark. Looking around, her shoulders sagged and she wondered if tonight would feel as lonely as last night. As Jenny hung up her coat, a flash of white on the hall table caught her eye. She lifted the paper and saw words written in Jethro's hand. Just three little words. _I love you. Jethro._

She didn't move, she just stood there and absorbed the words, feeling relieved. They still weren't talking but, at least this was a start. Jenny smiled for the first time since Saturday morning and went upstairs to join her husband in sleep.

**NCIS**

From the top of the stairs he'd watched her silently, waiting to see what she thought of his offering. He kept to the shadow of the upstairs hall, not wanting her to notice him. His mind drifted back to the advice Bill had given him over the two hours they'd spent on the phone.

"Wow," Bill had said when Gibbs finished relating their last day and a half. "That's rough Gunny. It's got to be hard on both of you to want something so much and still have to wait."

"I wish we had," Gibbs admitted.

"And you say she went to bed without you last night?"

"Yeah,"Gibbs confirmed. "First time I can remember since we got married, not counting when I've been out late working on a case."

"Awkwardness or not Jethro, that's something you need to stop now," Bill told him seriously. "It's so easy for a husband and wife to drift apart and become two separate people instead of the one you were meant to be."

"But how?" Gibbs asked, at a loss for what to do.

"Merry and I noticed a distance coming between us several years ago. So we sat down to try and figure it out. One of the first things that came to mind was how we'd been on different schedules and were going to bed at different times." He paused. "Something about the act of getting ready and going to bed together works a lot on the closeness of a marriage. Other things are eating meals together and for you and Jenny, driving to work together since you work at the same place, instead of letting her security detail do that."

"But what if she doesn't want that closeness?" Gibbs asked, fearing her rejection.

"Jethro, some things you may have to do for the good of your wife, the good of your marriage, whether she particularly wants them in the moment or not."

Gibbs sighed. "What else?"

"No matter how rough things are, you have to let her know you love her. Send her flowers, leave a voicemail message, write her a note - but do something! It's so important Jethro. Especially since Jenny is so confused about everything right now. She knows that you love her but she still may be doubting it in light of everything that's happened."

"I'll try Bill," Gibbs promised.

After that he'd gone for a long walk by himself, to think. Finally concluding that Bill was right, he was grateful to his friend for taking the time to help him.

Gibbs pulled himself out of the memory, watching Jenny reach for his note and holding his breath, hoping she wouldn't do the same thing to his as he'd done to hers. He saw how still she was, saw how her eyes went back over the words again and again. And then she smiled and Gibbs closed his eyes in relief. He didn't know what else to do just yet, but apparently for tonight, 'I love you', was enough. He slipped back into bed, faking sleep when she came in. Tomorrow, anything could happen. He just hoped and prayed it would be something good.

**NCIS**

0700 on Monday morning and Gibbs and Jenny were on separate floors of the house as he had breakfast and she got ready. The phone rang and Jenny automatically called down the stairs, forgetting for a moment that they weren't actually talking.

"Jethro, could you get that please? I'm not quite done my hair."

Gibbs didn't answer the phone at Jenny's house often, especially when they were trying to keep their marriage a secret. But it wasn't that big a deal any more, so he shrugged and reached for the ringing thing.

"Shepard residence," he said gruffly.

"Umm, Jenny Shepard please," the voice on the other end sounded confused.

"She's busy. This is her husband. Can I take a message?"

"Her...husband?" the voice hesitated. "Oh, alright. This is her doctor, Sarah Mariott. Jenny left me a message yesterday about getting an appointment today. I'm pretty booked this afternoon but I could fit her in this morning at 7:30 if she can get here by then."

Gibbs knit his brows as he scribbled the information. "Doctor's appointment? Okay, I'll tell her. Thank you."

He hung up before the doctor said goodbye and took the stairs two at a time to ask Jenny what was going on. She turned around when he walked into the bathroom.

"Who was it?"

"Your doctor. What is this about an appointment Jen?"

Jenny leaned close to the mirror to apply her mascara. "It's nothing Jethro. Kristyn wanted me to book an appointment and I figured it wasn't such a bad idea. What time did she say?"

"0730."

"Oh!" Jenny looked surprised. "Darn. I'd better go. I'll call Cynthia on the way and let her know I'll be late."

Gibb followed her downstairs, not sure what he thought. If it was a doctor's appointment, he'd almost rather go with her, but knew Jenny wouldn't want him there. Not yet. Before it wouldn't have mattered.

When she was putting her coat on, Jenny suddenly remembered something. "Oh, Jethro...I have another session with Dr. Renway today. She'd like you to come again."

Gibbs looked at her, wanting to hear what she thought. _Do you want me there?_ But at least she was offering and they'd be in the same room. Maybe Kristyn could tell them how to deal with what had happened Saturday. "I'll see what I can do," he muttered.

"Okay." She stopped at the door. Now was when she'd normally kiss him goodbye. But not today. Gibbs hadn't been within three feet of her all morning, as if afraid he'd want to touch her if she was close. "Bye," she said softly as she left. _Please_, she begged, _let him come. Let today fix something. I don't want to be without him._

Gibbs watched her go, determined that he'd be at that appointment no matter what he had to do to get there.

**NCIS**

When McGee arrived at work on Monday morning, he noticed something strange about his desk. First of all, black streamers hung in loops around the edge. His computer was already on and in place of his usual screen saver picture of him and his dog or him and Sarah, there was a screenshot of the matchmaker program. Using his and Abby's NCIS ID pictures, someone had created their "love child". A pretty girl of about twelve stared back at him, with his brown hair and Abby's green eyes. When he looked for his co-workers, certain this was their doing, he found them absorbed in their morning routines and paying no attention to him. Frowning, McGee looked down to find a small, black ball attached to a key chain.

"What's this?" he asked.

Finally Tony looked up, a smirk on his lips. He stood up and started towards McGee, pulling something out of his desk drawer. "Why, that's your ball and chain, McWhipped." He flicked an imaginary whip.

McGee sighed. Abby mentioned yesterday that she'd told Tony about them and of course, he assumed Tony would tell Ziva. It was going to be a long week.

"Yes McGee," Ziva added, standing and joining Tony, "congratulations. I heard you two are 'going down' now."

"Going out," Tim corrected automatically.

"No, no I think she had it right the first time Probie. You may just be going down." He ruffled the streamers. "Black, for the colour our mistress of the dark will bring into your life. And this," Tony set a DVD entitled _The Goth and The Geek _beside McGee's keyboard, "is a preview of what it will look like."

"Thank you so much Tony," McGee said sarcastically, rolling his eyes.

Tony put a hand on McGee's shoulder and the other on his own heart. "I'm here for you Tim."

McGee shrugged his hand off and turned away, but Tony leaned close and whispered in his ear. "If you do anything to hurt Abby, an-y-thing," he repeated slowly, "I will let Ziva take you apart piece by piece."

McGee gulped and faced their Mossad Liaison, who was eyeing him. She was only carrying a pen but nevertheless, looked dangerous enough.

"I-I would never do anything to hurt Abby," McGee protested, wishing for an escape.

"See that you don't," Tony said in a menacing voice borrowed, no doubt, from some old TV movie. He and Ziva returned to their respective desks, quite pleased with their handiwork.

"I don't care what you say," Tim murmured quietly, "I already got the 'talk' from Gibbs and he scares me more than both of you put together. Ziva being Mossad capable of torturing me to death notwithstanding."

He turned back to his desk and quick began to undecorate it from the streamers, lest Gibbs see. Just as he stuffed the whole mess of it in his trash can, Gibbs spilled out of the elevator with his first, or maybe second, coffee of the morning.

In one quick glance he took in Tony and McGee, the collection of things on his desk, and the black stuff in the trash.

"Alright you two, that's enough," he said calmly, fixing both Tony and Ziva with a stare. "You've clearly had your fun, now lay off. Remember," he warned, "someday it will be your turn."

Ziva and Tony jumped and McGee allowed himself just a small victory smirk. The two partners exchanged nervous glances but decided it might be more dangerous to actually say something, and silently went back to their reports.

_Smart_, Gibbs thought, looking up at Jenny's door like a reflex he couldn't help. He wondered what was going on at Jenny's doctor's appointment and if she would even tell him. He missed her, even the way she'd been the last couple weeks, hesitant and inconsistent. At least they'd been talking...for the most part, and close...on good days. He thought back to his hope about today. Still, anything could happen.


	67. Chapter 67

Jenny sat on the examining table in Room #2 at her doctor's office, dreading the moment when she'd be asked to put on one of those awful paper gowns so Dr. Mariott could check everything on the inside. The door opened and the doctor walked in, Jenny's medical chart in hand.

"Good morning Jenny," she smiled. "I was glad to get your call. I've been concerned ever since the hospital faxed over your incident report. How are you?"

Jenny braved a small smile and shrugged one shoulder. "Depends on what moment of the day you ask."

Sarah nodded and leaned against the counter. "I understand. So," she checked the chart, "what is it you wanted to see me about? Your call was rather vague."

"On purpose," Jenny explained, "some things are rather delicate to leave in a message."

"I see. Okay, well, how about now?"

Jenny nodded, looking down. "I want you to check and make sure I've healed...on the inside...or at least tell me how much longer," she began. "The doctor at the hospital said I had some...bruising and tearing that would take at least a couple of weeks to heal."

Dr. Mariott's eyes reflected compassion. "Of course. Anything else?"

"One thing at a time," Jenny decided and her doctor nodded.

She reached into a drawer and handed Jenny the gown. "Now, I know you probably don't want to wear this, so if you just want to take off your pants and underwear, you can use it to cover yourself while I take a look."

Slowly Jenny reached for the paper gown and Dr. Mariott turned so she could change out of the bottom half of her clothing. When she was settled on the table again and lying down, Sarah took her place at the end and lifted the gown a little.

"I'm just going to take a look Jenny," she said softly. "Just take nice, deep breaths and try not to kick me out of reflex please."

Jenny tried to laugh but was too busy trying to think of other things during the examination. Several minutes later, she let out a breath of relief, finally it was finished. She struggled to sit up, watching as the doctor went to the sink to strip off her gloves and stayed with her back to Jenny until the patient had finished dressing herself again.

"Well," Jenny said, when her doctor finally turned around, "what's the verdict?"

Sarah dried her hands slowly. "Everything seems fine Jenny. You've healed quite well, being that it's only been two weeks. Now," she sat down on her stool and faced the redheaded woman, "may I ask why you were so concerned?"

Jenny sat back on the examination table, looking down at the lines in her pants. "Well...just because...oh brother," she covered her face with her hands and took a deep breath. When she looked up at the doctor again, her face was still a sunburned shade of red. "I wanted to know if it should hurt to be with my husband." At last she was able to get the words out.

Dr. Mariott steepled her fingers together and sighed. "There's a few tough facts to face about your body once you are a rape survivor Jenny," she began. "One thing you need to know is that our bodies have pain memories. And while it doesn't necessarily work for something small, like burning your finger on the stove, your normal memory will remind you about the last time you burnt yourself and how that isn't something you'd like to do again."

She moved her stool closer to where Jenny was sitting and watched her closely, making sure her patient was listening. Rape victims had a tendency to zone out whenever someone started talking about rape related things or the word itself was mentioned. "Pain memories are complicated. While being with your husband may not physically hurt, and it shouldn't," she added, "you are healed inside, because of the trauma you experienced during the rape, your body will expect that intimacy now should hurt. And because it expects pain, your body gets tense. No matter how relaxed you think you are or how much time you have spent kissing and touching before the actual act itself, your body is going to make it difficult to be comfortable with having your husband there, and cause it to be harder to enjoy yourself."

Jenny's brow furrowed. More bad news, not what she really wanted to hear right now.

Sarah continued. "But it will get better. If you decide to try again," she met Jenny's startled eyes, "and yes, I can tell you tried recently. If you do, tell him to go slow, be gentle. Try to remember that intimacy is a good thing, even if it doesn't feel that way right now. Relax with your husband if you can. Remember, or keep telling yourself that he is not attacking you, he's not trying to hurt you. He is trying to love you. Just so you're warned," she make a face at Jenny, "it can take trying several times, or even several months, before you get comfortable with making love again. If you can't get yourself to relax with your husband, the likelihood is that it will continue to hurt. With the memories you're carrying I know it's not easy, but I urge you to try and do your best and I'm sure your husband will be patient."

"Right now it's not my husband's patience that's in question," Jenny muttered darkly.

"Speaking of your husband," Sarah changed the subject slightly, "I have to say that I was shocked when he answered the phone and identified himself. When did that happen?"

Jenny grinned. "Seven months ago. Did I forget to mention it?"

"You had your annual check-up was eight months ago and couldn't possibly mention that you were getting married in the very near future? It's something your doctor might want to know!"

"Getting nosy now Sarah?" Jenny asked. They'd been doctor and patient long enough to be quite comfortable with each other.

"Curious, not nosy Jenny," she replied with a smile. There was a pause, then, "What was the other thing you wanted to see me about?"

Jenny stretched her arms out in front of her. "I really think it's silly for everyone to be making such a fuss," she started out by saying, "but the people in my life, from my shrink to my husband and anyone else who has noticed, are very concerned that I haven't been eating much since..." she struggled with the wording, "...since it happened."

Dr. Mariott raised an eyebrow at Jenny. "Define 'not much'."

"Well...you know...a little bit here and there...a few bites at almost every meal...but lots of coffee in-between."

The doctor did not look convinced. "And why so little, may I ask?"

Jenny frowned. "Not hungry. Can't. Unsettled stomach. Hate being sick so don't want to get that far. Take your pick."

"Can't as in 'don't want to' or can't as in 'won't?" Sarah narrowed down Jenny's choices.

"A little of both sometimes," Jenny finally admitted.

"I supposed I don't need to tell you that's not very healthy for you?"

"No."

"And you've already heard that eating is a good thing and you might want to try it?"

"In various forms."

"And you can't be convinced to try eating a little bit more?"

"Not as long as my stomach is almost convinced it's going to reject said food."

"Fine." Dr. Mariott crossed her arms. "Then I'm doing some more blood tests, I want a urine sample, and I'm going to give you a prescription for an anti-nausea medication to see if that helps."

"Too much to ask for you to be on my side, huh?" Jenny said dejectedly.

"Jenny, if you didn't want to wear matching socks or refused to drink chocolate milk anymore, I wouldn't be concerned. As it is, what I remember from medical school taught me that if you don't give your body the proper nourishment it needs to sustain itself, you will get sick and worn down and tired and that is not going to help any of the symptoms of RTS."

"Well, when you put it that way..." Jenny trailed off. "Do you have to use me as a pincushion though?"

"If I get you a sandwich from the cafeteria, are you going to eat it in front of me to prove nothing is wrong? Without much thought, Jenny shook her head. "Then yes, I am going to get out my needles and you are going to hold still so I can get the blood drawn."

Jenny crossed her arms, knowing she was pouting like a two year old. "How long is it going to take? I have to show up at work sometime today you know."

"If you stop arguing with me I can have you out of here in about fifteen minutes. Think you'll last that long?"

"I'll live," came the response.

"It's for your own good Jenny," Sarah tried to explain.

"That's what doctors always say."

The doctor shrugged. "It's my job. What can I say?"

"All I know is I'm not coming back until I have to get my next physical," Jenny groused. "That's what you get for being so mean."

"You're welcome for getting you an appointment when I only had an hour's notice."

Jenny brightened. "And can I have a note for my shrink too? She'll want proof that I've actually been to see you. I have a funny feeling she won't take my word for it."

Dr. Mariott reached for her prescription pad. "Sure."

"And if could mention what an outstanding patient I've been..."

Sarah's laughter rang around the room. "Don't push your luck Jenny. I'm seven months late hearing about your wedding."

Jenny tried to smile. "Oops?"

Sarah just shook her head and reached into the drawer for some clean needles and blood vials. Jenny attempted not to watch. She really hated needles. For a second she wished Jethro was here. At least he'd hold her hand and try to take her mind off things. Maybe someday... She hoped Kristyn would make it easy for them to get back on track with each other. She hoped Jethro would decide to come. Sitting there, waiting for the needle, Jenny hoped.

**NCIS**

Gibbs noticed the minute Jenny returned to NCIS at almost 0930. She walked down the hall without even a glance over the railing and entered the door to her inner office. He watched the door click shut, gave her thirty seconds for getting an update on the day so far from Cynthia, counted another minute for her to get settled in her office, and then got up and made for the stairs. As he passed Tony's desk, he rapped his knuckles on the top.

"If we get a call, I'm on my cell."

"Got it Boss," Tony said quickly, unuttered curiosity in his eyes.

Once more breezing past Cynthia as if she wasn't even sitting there, Gibbs let himself into Jenny office, flipping the lock. Jenny turned around like she'd been expecting him.

"Something I can help you with Special Agent Gibbs?"

"Door's closed Jenny," he informed her.

"I know." She folded her arms and stared at him. "What do you want?"

"I want to know how your doctor's appointment went. What's going on with you Jen?"

Jenny rolled her eyes and seated herself at the desk. "Nothing Jethro, I'm fine."

Gibbs fought the urge to stamp his foot like a child. Instead he thrust his finger into the air, pointing at her. "You are not fine Jenny! Stop saying it, for gosh sakes! That's part of the reason we're having issues right now, because you keep insisting everything is fine when you know dang well it's not!" The longer he ranted, the louder he got, but right now Gibbs didn't care.

The icy stare coming from his wife only served to anger him more. "Are you quite through?"

"Not by a long shot."

"Jethro, please leave our personal lives out of the workplace. We need to keep it professional while we are here."

"Oh, professional, is it, Madame Director?" he sneered. "Professional the way we used to make out in my conferences room? Professional the way we shared dinner after everyone had gone home? Professional the way you'd call me up here just so you could get a hug when you're having a bad day? Is that the way we do 'professional' here?" He was trying to get a rise out of her and judging by the flashing of her eyes and the red in her cheeks, he was doing a good job.

"You know darn well what professional means, Jethro," Jenny said, her voice hard. "It means case related business only. It means if you want to talk about personal stuff, you wait until we get home!"

"Oh, you mean because we're going such a good job talking about stuff when we're at home? That's a good one Jen."

"Did you ever think I might not want to talk about everything Jethro?" She spat the words at him, jumping up from her chair so she felt more in control. She was getting loud but right now she didn't care if the whole building heard them fighting.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe you should?" he shot back.

Resisting the urge to tell him to go somewhere that wasn't very nice, Jenny instead used her position to her advantage. "My agency, my rules Jethro."

"Ooh, playing by Kindergarten rules now, are we Jen? I'm bigger than you so I can push you around? I outrank you so I can tell you what you can and cannot feel on the job? Is that it?" He was furious now. She just wasn't getting it. All he wanted to do was help!

"Special Agent Gibbs," Jenny bit out, reverting to director mode so she didn't walk over there and slap her husband for being a jerk, "while we are at work, it is Director Shepard or Ma'am."

Gibbs clenched his fists. "Is that the way you want to play that one Jen?" He kept using her name, to see what she'd do.

"That is enough!" she hissed. "You have a job to do and I have a job to do." She pointed to the door. "Now get back down there and do it!"

"Is that an order, Director?"

"Yes." She glared murderously at him.

He spun around and reached for her door handle, flinging it open. Looking back over his shoulder, Gibbs delivered his final parting shot. "You're welcome for caring, Ma'am." Then he left.

Watching his back as he departed, Jenny suddenly felt overcome with remorse. Why did she have to start a fight when she felt insecure? Why couldn't she just let him help her? _So much for trying to make things better_, she told herself sadly. The worst part was, Jethro had been right. He was just being a caring husband concerned about his wife. At this rate, the session this afternoon would be pretty short. If she wasn't sure how they were doing before, now she was certain that they weren't speaking. And what was Kristyn going to do about that?


	68. Chapter 68

_A/N: Hey guys! This is sort of a TBC chapter...the rest should be up Monday night sometime so don't panic. And I promise things are going to get better. But sometimes it has to get worse first. PS. The 'worse' part is almost over, for now anyways. Thanks for reading, please keep reviewing. I love all you guys for being so supportive! Thanks a lot!_

Dr. Renway sat quite still in her chair, silently observing the couple across from her. Something was radically different today than it had been last time they'd met in this room. That day they had come in hand in hand, prepared to do this together. Today they had arrived minutes apart from each other and so far, had done no more than glance at each other out of the corners of their eyes. They sat on opposite sides of her modest sized couch and thus far, in the ten minutes they'd been here, had yet to utter a single word either to one another or to her. Kristyn was getting fed up. If need be, and if they were going to act like grade schoolers having a fight, she was going to treat them that way. But a couple of preliminary questions first, just to check their reactions.

"So," she began, pasting on a smile, "how was your weekend?"

Gibbs grunted and Jenny refused to make eye contact.

"Anyone at all," Kristyn threw it out there.

After another minute of silence, she'd had all that she could take. Here in her office, patients played by her rules. And they were about to play hardball.

"That's it!" she said with force, standing up. Both sets of eyes snapped to her, wondering what was going on. "Jenny, outside to the waiting room," Dr. Renway ordered and pointed. "If you guys won't talk while you're together, you're going to talk to me separately. And at the end, we're going to get to the bottom of whatever is going on." She stared at them, steel resolve in her eyes. "Today you don't leave this office until I am satisfied. Out!" she said to Jenny, who was hesitating.

Resisting the urge to exchange glances with her husband, Jenny meekly got up and removed herself from the doctor's office. Plunking down on the first available chair in the waiting room, she stared straight ahead, wondering what was going on in there.

The receptionist gave her a sympathetic look. "I see she's playing 'Two Sides of a Story', huh?"

Jenny shrugged, somewhat bewildered. "I don't know what game she's playing, but she seems to have changed the rules on us."

"Dr. Renway is very good at getting people to talk about things they don't want to talk about," the girl responded.

"She's going to need every one of those skills. My husband does not open up to strangers."

"Oh," the girl smiled knowingly, "you might be surprised."

**NCIS**

Gibbs fixed the therapist with his patented stare. "What's going on here?"

"Intervention, Mr. Gibbs," Kristyn said calmly, sitting back down. "United together in silence, separately they fall. If you won't talk and she won't talk with the other one sitting there, I can fix that. So," she smiled again and Gibbs was suddenly sure he had underestimated this lady, "why don't you tell me what happened this weekend that was so bad you won't even look at your wife?"

He leaned back against the couch cushions, fully intending not to share intimate details. At the same time, he'd been hoping for this so Kristyn could tell them how to fix what was going on. Regarding her for several minutes, he finally gave up on holding onto his pride and decided that for the good of their marriage, he would answer any question the doctor asked. Unless he didn't like it, he amended quickly.

"Saturday," Gibbs began, "started out great but quickly became one of the worst days we've had."

Kristyn knew talking wasn't easy for this man, she would work on him with care. "Can you elaborate?"

He sighed. "Jenny thought she was ready to try."

The doctor raised her eyebrows, afraid of where this was going. "Try what?"

Shifting uncomfortably, he didn't look at her as he answered. "Making love."

"Oh no," Kristyn sighed. "I think part of that is my fault." Gibbs looked up at her and she explained. "Our session on Friday, she asked me about how long the healing takes. I gave her ballpark figures, statistics really, but made sure she knew everyone is different in how they react. And I also did throw in the advice that being with someone you love might help with the feelings." She shook her head. "I should've asked Jenny what she was thinking. She was distant for the rest of the session and I figured she was just thinking about things. Now I'm wondering if she even heard anything else I said."

"A warning would have been nice," Gibbs mumbled.

"It wasn't your fault, Mr. Gibbs," Kristyn said softly. "I know it can be very hard on a spouse to wait for intimacy while the other one heals. And Jenny probably thought that would fix everything, when, if I'm reading this right, it made an even bigger mess."

"Pretty much sums it up," Gibbs nodded, crossing his arms.

Kristyn tapped her pen against her folder. "Tell me how you feel about waiting." Gibbs' head popped up, his eyes protesting the question. The doctor shrugged. "I know it's personal and you feel like I'm intruding..."

"Darn right," Gibbs interrupted.

"Well, maybe I am a little. But you telling me what's going on in your head is the only way we can work on any of it. I can't give you any advice for approaching or working with your wife if you can't tell me what you're thinking about everything the two of you are going through."

Leaning forward and propping his elbows on his knees, Gibbs looked at Kristyn, then dropped his eyes to the floor. "I know I'm not supposed to rush her Doctor, but I need her. I need to feel and touch Jenny to show her that I love her. I'm better with my hands than with words. I want to express my love for her by touching, holding, and hugging her." He rubbed his hands over his eyes, still not wanting to look into her face as he told her things he would never admit to anyone else. "I miss my wife. I miss making love to her, but not just that, I miss the intimacy we shared, because our hearts were so close together we were almost the same. I miss wanting her and knowing that yearning will lead us together. I miss kissing her with the intent of seducing her, knowing she will love it." He sighed. "I hate knowing that I hurt her, knowing that I let her convince me that it was okay, knowing that I could've stopped it. Since then," he held out his hands, "there's been a distance between us I don't know how to fix."

Kristyn took in this monologue with nothing short of shock. She'd been expecting to pry the answers out of him. "Mr. Gibbs," she said quietly, "you must love your wife an awful lot."

"Not enough to help," he said in a broken voice.

"Yes," she stated firmly, "enough to help her with everything she's going through. I believe that. But you need help too Mr. Gibbs. Supporting a spouse after rape is not something you can do without having others around to support you. Do you have anyone you can talk to?"

He nodded slowly. "A couple old friends."

"And have you been talking to them?"

"Occasionally."

She nodded. "That's good, but it needs to be more than that. Last time you said you had your boat to work on, and I'm sure that helps. But sometimes you will need more than that. Even for a man of few words," she smiled, "talking about what you're feeling can be an incredible release. I really urge you to contact those friends, daily if you need to, and let them help you work through the emotions."

Gibbs was silent, refusing to promise anything. Talking to Jenny's shrink was a huge step. For right now he had to leave it at that.

"I'm going to give you some advice Mr. Gibbs," Kristyn said next, "and I want you to listen very carefully. If you are going to try to be with your wife again, and I think that should definitely be a capital 'IF' with how shaky things are right now, here are a few ideas that might help." She started listing them off on her fingers and Gibbs felt extremely awkward getting love making advice from a psychiatrist. It didn't matter anyways, there was no way he wanted to go through Saturday morning again, even if Jen decided to let him touch her anytime soon.

"While you are making love, keep eye contact with her. Jenny will be able to read your intentions, and your love, in your eyes. Talk to her to keep her connected to this reality. Tell her why you love her, embrace her, use gentle touches to convey that you care. Watch out for sudden silence, frightened facial expressions, a refusal to look at you. All those are signs that she could be in the middle of a flashback."

"Sometimes she scares me," Gibbs said honestly, "because I don't know where she is."

"If it scares you," Kristyn said slowly, "I can guarantee you that it terrifies her. Whisper in her ear so she can hear your voice and knows it's her husband she is with, not her attacker. Ask her if she wants to stop. Remember that if she says yes, it's not you she's rejecting. The same goes for if she moves or pushes you away. Stop if she asks, but keep touching her in some way - a hand on her shoulder, stroking her hair, something so you don't lose that connection."

The doctor leaned closer. "I know none of this will be easy for you Mr. Gibbs, but following her cues, letting her lead and make the decisions for what is okay, will go a long to help her healing. You have done so much for her already and I can see how much she depends on you. Please, keep doing it."

Gibbs acknowledged her praise with barely a nod. He did not feel like he was doing enough. He could not see how his love was helping her. Right now he felt like his love was hurting Jenny more than helping her.

"So, after Saturday morning, what happened?"

He shrugged. "Neither one of us knew what to do to fix what had happened, since we clearly couldn't take it back. Jenny came with me to my house and spent the afternoon with files while I was in the basement working on my boat. She was in bed before me and Sunday I went to church without her. When I came back to the house, Jenny had gone to the office. I went to bed before she got home that night."

Dr. Renway nodded. "Everything that happened over the weekend just worked together to push you both apart."

"Yes."

"And today?" She stared at him curiously. "I get the feeling it's more than just the weekend that's coming between you now."

"We had a fight, in her office earlier," Gibbs managed. This sharing thing was harder than he thought. He wasn't sure he talked this much in a whole month, let alone in one single half hour.

"About what?"

He frowned. "Kind of nosy, aren't you?"

Kristyn smiled. She knew he was frustrated with all the questions but was glad that he cared enough for his wife to keep talking. "It's my job. And the only way I can help the two of you," she pointed out again.

He sighed. "She had a doctor's appointment this morning. The call came before she left for work. But she wouldn't tell me why and when she got back from it, I wanted to know. The fight was stupid really. Jenny tried to play director to keep me from actually getting her to talk. It escalated, the whole office probably heard it and we both left mad. That's pretty much it."

"Except it's still very much affecting both of you."

"Yeah," he said dryly, "except that."

"Okay." Kristyn looked at the notes she'd been making. "I think it's Jenny's turn. Unless there's anything else you want to tell me?" Gibbs gave her a disbelieving look and she laughed. "I didn't think so." She got up and lifted the phone on her desk. "Sophie, could you ask Director Shepard to come in here please? Thank you." Looking back at Gibbs, she explained. "Once I'm done hearing Jenny's side of the story, I'll have you both back in here together. Maybe while you're waiting, start thinking about what you can do to bring that closeness back. I hope to fix some of it today, but even something little might help. I'll leave it to you since you know Jenny better than I do."

The door slowly opened and Jenny peeked in. Gibbs got up off the sofa and moved passed her, ignoring her curious gaze. She waited until he left the room before she sat down. She was beginning to feel like a child in the principal's office, a sense of sheepishness overtaking her. She and Jethro really were acting like children who needed adults to solve their problems. But after Saturday morning, Jenny wasn't sure how else they were supposed to react. Maybe this was her chance to find out.


	69. Chapter 69

"Hey Abby," McGee said morosely as he shuffled into the lab.

Abby was sitting at her desk, bored because of not having a case to work on, carefully making Bert his own mini studded dog collar. She looked up.

"Hi Timmy. What's wrong?"

He sighed. "Gibbs is gone again, no one knows where, and Tony and Ziva have been torturing me all day." He lifted troubled eyes to hers. "I just wanted someone to be happy for us."

Abby frowned. Tim was taking this much more seriously than she'd expected. Normally he'd just let Tony's teasing roll off his back. But maybe it was just more personal this time. She got up and went over to him. Leading McGee to her chair, she made him sit down and stood behind it, putting her arms around him.

"They probably are happy for us, deep down Tim, but they're just not sure how to show it."

"Yeah, right," McGee scoffed.

"No, really!" Abby insisted, spinning him around so they were face to face. "Tony doesn't do long term relationships. Well, not since Jeanne and never before her either," she added. "And Ziva never really had a relationship because of how she was raised. She wasn't allowed to have those feelings. Plus, it's probably kind of weird for them that we're breaking Rule 12, even if we sort of have permission."

Tim nodded, still looking down. Abby didn't like this mood at all. "What can I do McGee?" she asked, reaching for his hands.

He finally met her eyes. "A hug."

"Well, you've come to the right place. I happen to be very good at giving hugs." Abby grinned and held out her arms and McGee stood up. She gave him the tightest hug she could and felt him hug her back just as much.

"You're happy for us, right Abbs?" he asked her hesitantly.

"Timmy!" she pulled away. "Of course I am. I'm extremely happy for us!" Looking into his sad green eyes, Abby made a decision. She'd been planning to do this a different way, but McGee seemed like he needed to hear it now. She took a deep breath and smiled slowly. "I love you Tim."

His eyes widened and he grabbed her arms, a grin breaking across his face. "Really?"

"Yes really," she laughed. "Silly boy. I wouldn't say it if I didn't mean it."

McGee raised his eyebrows skeptically. "More than puppies?"

Abby put her hand on his cheek and rubbed noses with him. "Way more than puppies Tim, I promise."

Everything about McGee brightened. "Good," he nodded, pulling a small box out of his pocket.

Abby's eyes widened and her mouth fell open. "McGee?" she asked cautiously. All of a sudden she remembered what he'd said when he was making dinner for her last Thursday. Yes she loved him but she wasn't sure if she was ready for forever right this second.

McGee saw her expression and chuckled. "Don't worry Abbs, it's not what you think." He placed the little box in the center of her palm. "Happy One Week Anniversary Abby."

Abby lifted the lid. Inside on a pillow of cotton lay a fine silver bracelet. The charm hanging from it was a computer mouse overtop of a studded dog collar. The scripted writing on the part that would circle her wrist read, "_The Geek and the Goth - Forever Love_".

"Oh McGee," she breathed softly. "It's beautiful." She looked up at him, her eyes shining. "Will you put it on for me?"

Glad she liked his gift, Tim picked up the jewellery and fastened it around Abby's slim wrist, above her black wristband. It fit just right.

Abby leaned up to kiss him thank-you. Tim leaned into her, loving her touch. When they pulled apart, he took her hands and laughed.

"Didn't Gibbs say no making out in the lab? Are we breaking more rules Abby?"

Abby reflected on this briefly and then smiled wickedly. "Gibbs said no making out in the lab. He didn't say no kissing in the lab."

"Technicalities Abby?" McGee teased.

"Only when necessary Tim," she smiled, touching his lips one more time. She settled her head on his shoulder and McGee put his arms around her, sighing happily.

"I love you Abby."

"Love you too Tim."

**NCIS**

Gibbs was sitting in the waiting room, tapping his fingers impatiently against his knee. He didn't like waiting, it wasn't one of his strong suites, kind of like being patient. Shifting in the chair, he shoved his hands into his pockets, surprised to feel a piece of paper in one. He brought his hand back out and stared at the wrinkled paper. _That's odd_, he thought. _Where did that come from_? Opening it up, he found a reply to his note from last night.

_Jethro, thank you. Always have, always will. Love, Jen_. He smiled. Sometimes neither one of them knew what to say, but they were both reaching out in the simplest way. Leaning back he started to think, like Kristyn had advised, about what he could do to bring their closeness back.

Then Gibbs remembered the flower list still in a folder on his desk somewhere and smiled. There had to be something there that would tell Jenny how he felt. Satisfaction spread through him but the thoughts swirling around in his mind kept it from lasting. He sure hoped Kristyn could get Jenny to talk. If only she would tell him what she was thinking instead of her therapist.

**NCIS**

Dr. Renway watched her for a moment, before sitting down to face her. "Hello Jenny."

"Hi," Jenny said nervously.

Deciding to get right to the point since Jenny was so good at hiding things, Kristyn began. "Tell me about Saturday Jenny."

She dropped her face into her hands. "What's there to say? We tried, it was awful and we've barely talked since."

"I don't suppose you care to elaborate a little more?"

Jenny met her therapist's eyes. "How?"

"What were you feeling? Why was it awful? What did you do afterwards? I need to know what was going on in your head Jenny, it's the only way to talk you through it."

"It was so stupid!" Jenny exploded. "I thought I was ready. Heck, I'd spent all day convincing myself that it was a good idea. My husband had a bad day at work and he needed me, I wanted to find my own comfort in his body, and I figured the longer we waited, the worse it would be. You know, like your advice on touching?"

Kristyn opened her mouth but Jenny held up her hand.

"I am not blaming you," she said. "I heard one thing you said and paid zero attention to the rest of the session, determined to do this my own way." Jenny forced a mirthless laugh. "A lot of good that did me."

"Okay, you're telling me how you feel about the idea itself, but what did you feeling during the time the two of you were together?"

Jenny leaned forward, doing just what Gibbs had done and focusing on the floor rather than the doctor's face. Kristyn didn't care, as long as she was talking. They could work on eye contact and confidence later.

"At first, when it was just kissing and touching, it was great. I wanted to be with him, there was no doubt he wanted to be with me...I was enjoying myself. But..." her cheeks started to colour, "when the clothes started coming off I began to get nervous. I pushed the thoughts away, telling myself it was okay and that I had no reason to be afraid. But I couldn't convince my mind or my body." Jenny closed her eyes. "It hurt, just like I'd dreaded. And I remembered when it hurt before, in the bunker. And then I couldn't take it, so I pushed Jethro away. I couldn't even look at him after that," she said softly, trying not to cry.

Kristyn cocked her head to the side. "Why couldn't you look at him?"

Jenny looked so fragile sitting on the couch. The therapist wondered if today was the day she might actually break. "Because, it was my fault. Everything might not have been fine before but it was okay, good even sometimes." She shook her head slowly. "He deserves so much better than me. This isn't fair to him. I keep waiting for the moment he will give up, and say it's not worth the effort anymore."

"Have you told Mr. Gibbs this?" Kristyn asked, shocked at the depth of Jenny's insecurity.

"No. How could I?"

"You might be surprised at how it would help. Jenny, your husband loves you. He is here with you, coming to these sessions, because he is willing to fight for you. Neither of your are just going to give it up." She rolled her eyes. "You're both way too stubborn for that to happen. And I know he would tell you not even to think things like that."

"Maybe," Jenny shrugged, unconvinced. Kristyn added it to her growing list of things to get the two of them to talk about and continued trying to get her take on their weekend.

"So going to the office on Sunday?"

Jenny looked up. "I didn't want feel alone while I was with him. It was like we were in two separate worlds. I'm not sure we said two words to each other the whole two days after that."

Kristyn's gaze was sympathetic. "I'm sorry Jenny, I should have been far more careful with what I was telling you on Friday."

"I probably should've listened closer," Jenny admitted. "I'm just so tired of feeling like this! Like it's hopeless to wait for healing, as if nothing will be the same or normal ever again."

"How do you mean?" Dr. Renway asked, not sure she followed.

Jenny's sigh was heavy. "You're going to think I'm a horrible person."

Kristyn shook her head. "No, I won't. That's why this is called a safe place Jenny, there is no judgement here. No matter what is going through your head, what you're feeling, you can tell me. We'll work through it."

It was hard to share how she really felt, the things her head kept telling her, trying to convince her. When she finally spoke, Jenny's voice was quiet. "I feel guilty for wanting to be with my husband, like what that man did to me should've taken away any pleasure I will ever get from making love. I think I know it's a lie, but I also think I might deserve this punishment. Like maybe this is all my fault after all. How can I want what hurt me?"

For a moment, as she was looking into her patient's conflicted and pain filled eyes, Kristyn wished she was Jenny's friend instead of her therapist. If she was, she could hug her and tell her everything was going to be fine. But fine was not a word that could be used on Jenny right now. Sitting here in Kristyn's office, Jenny was far from fine. Confused, frustrated, angry and wanting it all to be over. They had a lot to work on.

"Jenny," Dr. Renway began softly, "I want you to listen to me very carefully, and don't just hear me with your ears, please take these truths into your heart. First of all, everything you've told me that you feel is perfectly normal after you've been raped. But that doesn't mean it's the truth. You have no reason to feel guilty for wanting to sleep with your husband. It's a natural human response. And what happened should not be allowed to take away your pleasure in the act forever. You deserve to have a healthy sex life Jenny and you have a wonderful man around who will be patient with you while you work your way back to that. You have done nothing to deserve this and rape is not a punishment, it is a violent crime. You did nothing wrong."

Kristyn paused, wanting Jenny to soak her words in. "Wanting sex is not the same as wanting what hurt you. No one ever wants to be raped, no one ever asks for it. It is an act committed against them, without their consent. What you want is what you had before the rape Jenny - loving, pleasurable sex with your husband whom you love." She shook her head slowly. "There is nothing wrong with that."

"But Jethro," Jenny said brokenly, "he deserves more than I am able to give him. He has a right to my body because I'm his wife. He needs me sometimes and I can't let him."

"Jenny," Kristyn said firmly, "I think your husband is a good man and I am beginning to have a deep respect for him. But this is your healing we are talking about and Mr. Gibbs' expectations and needs are not your concern. If he is willing to wait, which he is, you need to let yourself heal at whatever pace works for you and not push it. There is nothing wrong with taking a break from sex to let your body, and your mind, heal from what you experienced."

It was obvious from the expression on Jenny's face that all of this was hard for her to believe. "I miss him," she whispered.

The doctor regarded her for a moment. "What do you really miss Jenny? Do you miss making love? Do you miss being close to him emotionally? Do you miss his touches, his kiss? Do you miss wanting him and not trying to have sex because you think you should? What?"

Jenny closed her eyes. "I miss knowing we are okay, that nothing can come between us. I miss when flirting with him was fun and I was excited about where it could lead. I miss the comfort I used to find when it was his body against mine. I miss him wanting to love me, whatever that means. I miss touching without having to think about it first and kissing him until there was only one thing we both wanted." She shrugged. "I just miss my husband."

Kristyn thought, wondering what it would help Jenny to hear right now when everything was overwhelming. "Being married isn't just about having sex Jenny. The two of you are together because you love each other, because you wanted to share a life together. Sex is important, but it's not the only thing. The emotional closeness you two share is not forever gone just because your body can't handle making love yet. Laughing together, having fun with each other...those are great things. Your healing does not have to be a negative process for the two of you. Remember that cuddling, kissing, and holding hands can go a long way to building intimacy and eventually getting back to where you want to be physically. It's not all going to happen one time, or during one day, or just because you decide it should. Let yourself relax about healing Jenny, your husband isn't going anywhere while he waits."

"And just a note on touching Jenny," she added, "I learned something when your husband was talking with me. Touching is a man's way of saying you're theirs." She shook her head at the look in Jenny's eyes, the way she visibly shuddered. "No, not the way your attacker touched you - hurting you, wanting to possess and control you. With your husband he's wanting to tell you that it's okay, even if he knows it's not. He wants you to know you're safe with him, that you're loved and wanted. Try to hold onto that."


	70. Chapter 70

Looking down at the notes she'd scribbled earlier, the doctor changed the subject slightly. "Now, I know there are people in your husband's life that he can talk to and share things with. Who are you talking to Jenny?"

The redhead's forehead furrowed and she looked perplexed. After a moment or two of uncomfortable silence, she shrugged. "You. Sometimes Jethro."

Kristyn looked appalled. "Is there no one else?"

Jenny shrugged one shoulder helplessly. "It's been years since I've had any close friends. I've been too busy working, fighting to move forward in my career. There was no time for friendships."

"Oh Jenny," the therapist sighed. "It is so important for you to have other people in your life to lean on. Your husband is a good man but he cannot help you through this all by himself. I know it must be hard if you don't feel close to anyone, but please try to find a confidant. Someone who will just listen when you need to talk and be available when you need another person around. Or if you like, I can give you the number of a Rape Crisis Line where you can call anytime to talk to someone who's been where you are and will be more than willing to listen and give advice."

Jenny didn't like the thought of spilling a personal and perfectly horrible event to a complete stranger over the phone, so she didn't really acknowledge the doctor's comment one way or the other. Still, she couldn't help thinking about her lack of friends. Suddenly a voice in her head said, _Call Rachel_. Jenny frowned. After all these years? It seemed crazy. She tucked it away to think about later.

Kristyn let her have her thoughts, giving her a minute of space before bringing up another topic. She almost wanted the session to end right now, unsure as to whether more information would be good for her patient or whether Jenny was unwilling to absorb any more. But there were still so much that had to be gone through, at this point whether Jenny liked it or not.

"What was your fight earlier about?"

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Both of us acting like children. But not really at the same time. He was trying to care, I was trying to keep him away."

"Why?"

Another sigh. "Because when he gets too close he just gets hurt."

"What do you mean by that?" Kristyn frowned.

Jenny rubbed her forehead. "A long time ago, we were together."

"How long ago?"

"Seven years. It was an undercover mission in Paris that lasted months. We...were in love. But I'd never been that close to a man before and I had big plans for my life. I couldn't afford to give them up for love. So I left." She shook her head. "I'd give anything now to have stayed."

"So, your feelings lasted over six years of being apart, you're back together and planning to be that way forever, and you still feel guilty for leaving?"

Jenny's eyes flashed. The woman clearly didn't understand. "I feel guilty for writing Jethro a 'Dear John' letter and hurting him as badly as I did."

"Has he forgiven you?"

"Yes."

"Does he still blame you?"

"No."

"Is he still angry about you leaving?"

Jenny squirmed. "No. He said he would do it again if it meant still having me."

"What more do you need Jenny?" Kristyn asked, not sure why she was determined to punish herself.

"I don't know!" Jenny said loudly. "I need to forget that it was my fault, that's it's always been my fault. My fault for leaving, my fault for telling him to meet me at home, my fault for suggesting that we try too soon. It's always my own, stupid fault!"

"And your husband, I suppose, is perfect?" the therapist asked skeptically.

"My husband is a good man who loves me. He would do anything for me!" Jenny asserted.

"Does it take two to be in a marriage?"

"Yes."

"And two to get in a fight?"

"Yes," Jenny answered grudgingly.

"And two to make love?"

Glaring at her doctor, Jenny ground out the word through clenched teeth. "Yes."

"Then there is no way this can be all your fault."

"So how come I feel like it is?" Jenny shot back.

"It's part of the shame and guilt thrust upon a woman who is raped," Kristyn said calmly. "But you don't have to accept it Jenny. You have people around you who are willing to tell you the truth. You have a husband who loves you more than you know. Why are you so determined to push all that away? Do you want to feel guilty?"

Thinking of the last couple days, Jenny shook her head. "No."

"Do you want to feel like everything is your fault?"

Hearing it stated like that, the answer was obvious. "No, I don't."

Kristyn smiled. "Then listen to the truth Jenny. It's right what they say, it will set you free from this burden you are so eager to hold. Let it go Jenny," she said softy, "just let it go."

Jenny stared at her psychiatrist like the woman had suddenly grown wings and a halo. Yes, that was it, wasn't it? She was claiming blame that did not belong to her. Yes, she had made mistakes and done things she regretted. But she'd apologized, she'd been forgiven, she didn't have to hold onto it anymore. Subconsciously, the fingers curled tightly into Jenny's palm loosened and finally fell open. Just like that, she was letting it go. And as she did so, she took the first deep breath she'd been able to manage since before what happened on Saturday.

Kristyn watched for a moment with satisfaction as the expression on Jenny's face became less pained. Finally she chose another topic. "Mr. Gibbs told me you had a doctor's appointment today?"

Jenny nodded. "Yes."

"And?"

Another shrug. "Physically fine. Memory wise not so much. And one more person to get on my case about not eating."

Assuming that touching any of that was not worth the fight, Kristyn let it go for now. "Well, I'm glad you went. At least you have someone else looking after you and some of your physical questions have been answered."

"Sometimes I wonder if knowing makes things worse," Jenny said, eyes still glued to the floor.

Kristyn had to agree. "Sometimes I'm afraid it does."

Jenny let out a breath. "So what am I supposed to do now?"

Finally, something she could smile about. "Now Jenny?" the doctor answered. "Now you get to talk to you husband and hear him tell you how much he loves you."

**NCIS**

"Agent Gibbs?" the girl at the desk said.

He looked up. "Yes?"

"You can go in now."

Gibbs took a deep breath, trying to prepare himself for what might be waiting behind the door. He let himself in and braved his first glance at his wife. To his surprise, Jenny offered him a tentative smile. He sat down on the couch, though not as far away as he'd been earlier, wondering what it meant.

"Alright," Kristyn smiled, trying to break the sudden tension. "It gave me a lot of insight, to be able to talk to you both separately. And from what I heard, there's a lot you need to tell one another."

Husband and wife still did not look at each other, though both were wondering exactly what Kristyn was about to make them do.

"It's clear that you both think what happened between you Saturday morning was your fault."

Jenny's head popped up and she stared at her husband, trying not to let her mouth fall open._ Jethro thinks it's his fault? _she asked herself. _Why on earth? I was the one who suggested it._

"So, one at a time, I want you to tell each other why you think that and then we'll work through those reasons. The condition," she smiled, "is that you have to make eye contact while you tell the other person."

Both groaned inwardly. This was going to be fun.

"Mr. Gibbs," Kristyn announced, "you're first."

Slowly, Gibbs turned to face his wife. After a moment, he lifted his eyes to hers. He could see the surprise there, she didn't understand why he would blame himself. Did that mean she didn't blame him either? He cleared his throat, then looked back at Kristyn, not sure where to begin.

"Start with, 'I think Saturday was my fault because...'" she prompted.

He nodded, meeting Jenny's eyes once again. "I think Saturday was my fault because I didn't think you were ready, but I wanted you to be. I hate that I hurt you when I should've been trying to help. I could've stopped it. I could've prevented all...this." He waved his arm to indicate the two of them.

"Oh Jethro..."Jenny said, her voice soft. She was already shaking her head.

"Your turn Jenny," the doctor acknowledged.

"I think Saturday is my fault because it was my idea. Because deep down, when we started, I knew I wasn't ready, but I thought I could make myself ready." She kept her gaze steady, looking into Jethro's eyes. "I cried because I knew you needed me and I couldn't even give you that. I couldn't talk to you because I didn't want to be there when you decided this wasn't worth the effort."

Now it was Gibbs' time to be shocked. "Jenny, how could you think that?" he protested. "I am never going to give up on you like that. I am never going to say that you aren't worth trying for, worth fighting for. And yes, I wanted you, but I would've waited. I needed to know you were okay because my thoughts were in a bad place, but holding you close would've been so much better than being so distant that I don't touch you for two days."

"I'm sorry," Jenny whispered. "I'm sorry for telling you everything was okay when it wasn't. I'm sorry that you think it's your fault when it takes two. I wish it didn't hurt to be with you, but I know you didn't do it on purpose."

If there had been a picture of the wall between them, one could've watched the words, the truths they uttered to each other, take down several layers of bricks.

"Good," Kristyn approved. "I appreciate that you were both honest about that. The next part is listening." She held up a small, digital recorder which sat on the table by her chair. "I record all of these sessions so I can go over them later and in case I missed something in my notes. I have here the words you spoke about missing each other. I want you to hear them with your hearts, because neither of you held anything back when you answered."

"Jenny," Kristyn pointed the recorder at her, "you first. This is what your husband said about missing you."

The doctor pressed play and Gibbs' recorded voice began to speak. Jenny sat there, her eyes fixed on a point on the far wall, listening as Gibbs talked about needing to touch her, missing what used to be okay, and voiced his regrets about Saturday. She could feel tears starting to prick the corners of her eyes by the time Kristyn pressed stop. Jenny slid her glance over to Gibbs, who sat tensely on the sofa. She knew this was hard for him, coming here and sharing things he would probably never tell another human being. As she looked at him, she loved him just for trying.

"Now Mr. Gibbs, this is what Jenny had to say about missing you," Kristyn said by way of introduction.

Gibbs sat perfectly still when the clip began to play, listening to and savouring the sound of his wife's sweet voice. But when he actually began to pay attention to her words, he realized he was not the only one missing them. Knowing that they were on the same page made it so much easier, and Gibbs was suddenly grateful for a shrink who cared about them and their relationship enough to do whatever had to be done to repair it.

Kristyn clicked the recorder off again and looked at the both of them. "The third part is the hardest for some: talking to each other. And not with me here to moderate it, because I won't always be around to give the right answers. Tonight go home, and talk to each other. I know neither of you likes to fight with the other or wants to be distant. So take some time for the rest of the day, think about little things you can do to restore the closeness you are both longing for. Try to make time for talking tonight. The longer you leave it, the easier it will be to find reasons not to talk." She shook her head. "I don't want to see that happen to the two of you."

Finally the therapist stood. "You have done well today, thank you for sharing with me. Jenny," she smiled at the petite woman, "I will see you for our next session on Thursday. Mr. Gibbs," she held out her hand, "I'm glad you could come. We may invite you to one last session, so don't write this place off yet. Have a good rest of your day," she smiled and the couple stood so she could show them out.

It was quiet as they walked beside each other down the hall to the elevator and quiet as they waited for the doors to slide open. But as soon as they were inside, Gibbs spoke.

"It's been slow today. I think I'll wrap up some paperwork and send the team and myself home in the next hour. What else is on your agenda?"

She shrugged, "Paperwork, same as everyone else. I'll be another couple hours before I'm through though and I think I have some phone calls to return." The numbers were getting closer and closer to his floor. "I'll see you at home?" she asked, feeling awkward.

Gibbs nodded, pushing himself away from the wall to get off when they came to his floor. "My house, if that's alright. I need to work on some things."

Jenny nodded and gave him a small smile. "I'll see you later then."

He got off and turned around to face her. "Later Jen," he said softly, his eyes conveying a deep meaning behind his words.

Jenny leaned back against the elevator wall after he got off for the short ride to her floor. While things were better than when they'd met at Dr. Renway's office, they still had a long way to go before the strain between them was gone. She wondered if they could fix three days of doing the wrong thing in one evening of trying to do the right thing. Something told her she was about to find out.


	71. Chapter 71

Gibbs walked into his house that night, glad they hadn't gotten a call. The day seemed twice as long with the therapist session added in, not to mention the effort it took just to cooperate with Dr. Renway. The house was dark and chilly. Gibbs decided to start a fire, he wanted the house warm when Jenny came home. Glancing towards the kitchen, he tried to think what was in his fridge and cupboards that he might be able to make for supper. The thought of supper suddenly reminded him.

Walking to the phone, Gibbs picked it up and dialed a very familiar number. When the female voice answered, he said with a smile, "Hello Noemi, it's Gibbs."

The call didn't take long and when he hung up, Gibbs smiled to himself. Supper, taken care of. Now to take some time to process everything Kristyn had said and Jenny had shared. He clomped down the basement stairs, his feet loud on the wooden steps. The boat looked back at him passively, as if awaiting his ministrations. Gibbs shook his head, not tonight. Tonight he needed something that would focus him more than a job he'd done a hundred times.

Looking around his basement, Gibb' eyes fell on a pile of discard wood that had all been either the wrong size, length, or shape. Digging through it, he finally came upon the piece he was looking for. As much as he hated to admit it, he knew that Abby and McGee were right to have broken Rule 12. Some things just can't be contained, love was one of those. Gibbs knew that sometime in the next year he would likely be walking a beautiful, black haired girl down the aisle to give her away to the man who loved her as much as life itself. And when that day came, he would need a wedding present to give them. Smiling just a little, Gibbs sat down at his workbench and picked up a chisel. Tonight he would do some carving.

**NCIS**

Tony glanced at McGee's empty desk. The probie had been gone a long time. He and Ziva were just finishing up their reports from Friday's case, then Gibbs had announced they were free to go home. Tony had been thrilled, getting out of work early meant more fun for him. But something was nagging at him. His conscience didn't come to life very often, but when it did, it tended to ruin all his fun.

Glancing over at Ziva, Tony broached a question. "Do you think we were too hard on Probie today?"

Surprised, Ziva looked up. "Feeling bad Tony?" she asked incredulously. There was something that just didn't happen.

Tony shook his head. "Nah, not really. I mean, he sort of deserved it for not telling us. And for breaking Rule 12. But..." he hedged, "the kid did seem kinda down when he left."

Ziva rested her chin on her hand and considered this. "We never really said congratulations. I suppose that is what I would like to hear from my friends if I started...dating someone."

Raising his eyebrows, Tony grinned. "Planning on starting to date someone anytime soon Ziva?"

"That is not what I said Tony," she glared at him and redirected the subject back to his original question. "I guess we did give him a hard time." She looked at her computer screen. "I am almost finished here. We can go down to the lab and offer to take McGee and Abby out to celebrate. What do you think?"

"I think that whenever you suggest going to the bar, I am in. Remember what happened last time?" he said with a smirk.

The look Ziva shot Tony warned him to be careful. "You do not have to worry about a repeat Tony. It will not happen again."

"Not even if I'm drunk?"

"I am quite sure McGee can drive you home."

"Oh, but it's so much more fun when you play escort Ziva," he teased. When a balled up piece of paper hit him in the side of the head, Tony knew two things. One, he probably deserved it and two, he was really glad it hadn't been her stapler. "Fine," he grumbled. "I won't get drunk." He shut down his computer. "Let's go find probie and his girl. I can't imagine Abby saying no to a night out at the bar." He smiled wickedly. "Unless those two have other plans tonight."

Ziva Gibbslapped him and he turned to her, a shocked look on his face. "Ow! What was that for?"

"Come on Tony! McGee is your friend. Get your mind out of the sewer."

"We've been over this one already Ziva, it's gutter! Gut-ter."

She waved her hand. "Whatever. It's not a very clean place."

They entered the elevator together and watched the numbers count down to the floor Abby's lab was on, one below Autopsy. When the elevator doors opened, they saw something neither were prepared for. Standing just outside the doorway to her lab, were Abby and McGee, arms wrapped around each other, fully involved in making out. Tony and Ziva exchanged glances, and it was barely a second before they decided staying was much more fun that leaving quietly.

Tony cleared his throat. "Well hey there guys," he said in a loud voice, "gee, hope we're not interrupting something."

McGee and Abby broke apart quickly, both wiping their lips. McGee blushed. "Uh...what are you guys doing here? I-I thought you'd be gone home by now."

"And miss this?" Tony smiled. "Not a chance."

Abby was looking back and forth between all of them. "So the reason you're haunting my lab when you could be out on a date is...?" Tony and Ziva shared a shocked glance and Abby laughed. "Oh, I don't mean out on a date with each other. Although..." she smiled slowly, "that does have intriguing possibilities. I just mean out on a date in general."

"Because seeing the looks on your faces," Ziva pointed to them, "is much more fun. Especially for Tony."

Tony shrugged. "We just came down here to offer you guys our personal congratulations on your announcement. But it seems like you were having your own celebration." Confusion passed over his face. "Why are you making out in the hallway when Abby's lab door can be locked? You know, for privacy." The way he said it meant more than just not having someone catch them kissing, but both Abby and McGee ignored it. Some things were too dangerous to touch. It was like playing with fire.

Abby shrugged. "Gibbs said no making out in the lab. This," she gestured to the hallway, "is not the lab. See? We don't break all the rules."

"No, just the really big ones," Tony pointed out.

Ziva decided it was time to get to the reason they'd come down. "Tony and I would like to take you and McGee out for drinks, to celebrate."

Abby elbowed McGee, as if to say 'I told you so'. She looked at him questioningly and he took her hand.

"Sure," McGee smiled. "Sounds like fun. Thanks." He was kind of surprised, but kind of glad at the same time. It was nice to have others excited for them, even if Tony would spent half the night trying to find some way to make a joke out of their relationship.

"But, could you keep the, you know, couple stuff," he gestured to their linked hands, "to a minimum? I have a very delicate gag reflex."

Abby punched him in the arm. "I think you'll live DiNozzo. Let's go."

The four of them stepped into the elevator, all smiles. This was going to be a very interesting evening out and they were all looking forward to it.

**NCIS**

At seven o'clock that night, a very tired Jenny Gibbs began packing her things away and getting ready to go home. Because of her rushed doctor's appointment, Jenny had driven her own car this morning and her security detail just followed her around. As she slipped her coat on, Jenny felt a ripple of fear run through her at the thought of facing the dark parking garage alone. Yet it felt like weakness to call her security detail and ask for an escort. Struggling with herself, Jenny turned out the lights and locked the door. A knock on the outer office door startled her since she wasn't expecting anyone. A moment later, Agent Cooper from her security detail poked his head in the door.

"Good evening Director," he smiled. "I'm here to see you to your car."

Surprised, Jenny smiled. "Spying on me Harrison?"

"No Ma'am, just thought you'd like to be heading home about this time."

Jenny followed him out the door. "Thank you." That saved her a lot of self-debate.

After a quiet ride down in the elevator, Jenny stayed close to Agent Cooper all the way to her car. The black SUV that housed her security detail was parked directly beside her. Opening the door for her, the agent moved to let her slip into her car.

"We'll follow you home Director. Special Agents Schae and Jackson should be waiting for us there." He paused. "Umm...which home tonight Ma'am?"

Jenny couldn't help but smile. "My husband's house. Thank you Harrison."

"My pleasure Director." He closed the door and joined his partner in the next vehicle.

Only after the agent left did Jenny notice that there was something unexpected in her car. On the seat beside her sat a bouquet of white roses, wrapped in florist plastic, just waiting for her. She reached out tentatively and caressed one of the blooms. _Jethro_. It couldn't be anyone else. Even after everything this weekend, he was still talking to her, still telling her he loved in her so many more ways than one. _I miss you too_, she thought, feeling a sudden urge to hug the flowers. But instead she decided to go home, and see if maybe they would get far enough tonight with each other that she could get a hug from her husband.

**NCIS**

When Jenny opened the door to Gibb' house, she was happy to see that he'd started a fire. There were few things that Jenny loved more than the warmth from a wood fire. Closing the door and taking off her coat, Jenny began looking for her husband.

"Hello!" she called. "Jethro, I'm home."

The basement door opened and Gibbs came out. He looked at her for a moment and she didn't know how to interpret what she saw in his eyes. "Hi."

"Hi yourself," he said.

They stood there awkwardly for a moment until Jenny finally spoke. "I think I'll go get changed." She headed for the stairs.

"Okay," he nodded. "Dinner's ready when you get down."

She turned back and looked at him with arched eyebrows. "Dinner?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Noemi brought it over."

Jenny smiled. "We are so spoiled."

"Eh," Gibbs said, "sometimes it's a good thing."

Upstairs, Jenny changed into a light blue jogging outfit. She kept them around because of comfort and not because she was an avid jogger. In truth, she usually hated running and only did it as a stress reliever on a really bad day. In the bathroom she pulled the pins from her hair and shook it loose. She picked up her brush and ran it through her long hair to remove the tangles. Finally she smiled nervously at herself in the mirror and headed downstairs to join Jethro in the kitchen.

He was standing with his back to her when she walked in the room, spooning supper onto plates. Jenny took a deep breath.

"Mmm, it smells great. What did Noemi make us?"

"Something simple," he replied. "Chicken, vegetables and rice, with that special sauce you love."

Jenny wasn't sure what else to say and felt the brave smile she'd put on slipping. Gibbs turned around when she fell silent. The look on her face made him want to hold her. She seemed so alone and he didn't want her to stay that way. But things were still uncomfortable with them, how did they make it right?

Walking over to the other side of the kitchen, Jenny switched the radio on to cover some of the silence. It was tuned to a classical station and the soft strains soothed some of the tension in the room. Watching Jenny, Gibbs suddenly knew of a way to get close to her. He crossed the kitchen and stood beside her, turning her to face him.

Leaning down, Gibbs whispered into her ear. "Dance with me Jen."

The eyes she looked up at him with were still so uncertain, so he took the lead, putting his hands around her waist and pulling her close. Jenny hesitated a moment, before lifting her arms to put around his neck. Without really looking at each other, they began to sway softly in time with the instrumental music. Step for step she followed him, the action as natural as breathing. They had so often danced together, it was another wordless language they used to communicate. Around and around in slow circles, they danced. When Gibbs pulled away from her at the end of the first song and took her hand, to spin her slowly around, he could feel the walls coming down.

During the second song Jenny held his eyes, wanting to read in them the love he was showing. Gibbs kept eye contact with her, seeing so many things in the green depths that she might not be able to say. When the song ended, they both stilled but did not move away from each other.

Jenny reached up to touch his face. "Thank you for the flowers."

He turned and kissed her hand. "I miss you Jen. It was so hard this weekend, to be here but not be with you."

"Me too," she said softly. "I hate when we fight. I'm sorry."

"Never apologize..." he started but she shushed him with a finger to his lips.

"It's a stupid rule when someone has actually done something that needs to be apologized for," she said.

"Let's not do that again," Gibbs said slowly, holding her tighter.

Jenny laughed. "What? Be together?"

But Gibbs was very serious. "Get so far away."

Jenny sighed and stood on her tiptoes to lightly kiss him. It was a moment before he kissed her back and the kiss spoke for them, everything else they needed to say.

"I love you," she whispered, laying her head on his chest.

Gibbs throat felt tight and he pulled her into a hug. "Me too," he choked out. He'd never been so grateful to hold her.

That night as they lay in bed, facing each other, still keeping to their own sides, Gibbs reached out and found Jenny's hand, holding it gently. There were no other words needed. He wasn't going anywhere and Jenny knew it. And as she felt him trace a finger around the scars on her wrist, Jenny also knew that she didn't want to lose anymore time with him by pushing too hard. That was how they stayed all night, tethered by their hands and content for now, in the knowledge that they loved each other and that would be enough to get them through whatever may come.


	72. Chapter 72

Tuesday was all about the little things. Waking up to a smile and a 'good morning' from the other. Gibbs meeting Jenny with a cup of coffee when she was done in the shower. Jen making scrambled eggs and bacon for breakfast, Noemi again being given the early morning off. It was Gibbs opening the car door for Jenny, something he always did, but today somehow he was more purposeful about it. It was holding hands in the elevator and a kiss on the cheek before the doors opened.

Later in the morning the team got called out on a case. A military vehicle carrying explosives had been hijacked, leaving two marines dead and more lives in jeopardy. When they got back from the crime scene, there was a note on Gibbs desk. _My office, when you have a minute. J_. Gibbs had to smile. He liked this new thing with the notes. Even at work they could still keep things private, just between the two of them.

Because he was in a good mood, Gibbs decided to be nice to Jenny's assistant.

"Afternoon Cynthia. The Director in?"

Cynthia stared at him dumbly, unable to believe her eyes and ears. Since she couldn't form a sentence, she simply nodded.

"Thank you."

She frowned. _Special Agent Gibbs must be sick_, the assistant decided, _or he has amnesia again_. This was not normal and that was never a good thing.

Gibbs walked in Jenny's office door, flicking the lock out of habit. "Hey Jen."

Barely looking up from the report she was reading, Jenny pushed a cup of coffee towards him. Gratefully Gibbs picked up the cup and took a long swallow.

"Ahh...just what I needed. Thanks Jenny."

Jenny finished the last paragraph and put it down, removing her glasses and smiling at him. "Can you get away for lunch today?" she asked.

Gibbs looked surprised, this was something new. He made an apologetic face. "Wish I could Jen, but this case is top priority. I'm stuck here until we find that truck."

Jenny leaned back in her chair, fiddling with her glasses. "Okay, just thought I'd offer."

"Can I take a raincheck?" he asked, hoping.

She nodded.

Gibbs appreciated the effort Jenny was making. "How's your day been?"

She smiled wryly. "Paperwork, phone calls, meetings..." she sighed. "A Director's work is never done. I get to supervise an op in MTAC this afternoon though," she brightened.

"Is that your favourite place?" he asked, taking another drink of coffee.

"Dark room, comfy chairs, people who hang on my every word...what's not to like?" Jenny asked, smiling sweetly. "Plus, it's a good place to talk when you're waiting for something to happen. And only so many people have clearance to get in there."

Lifting one eyebrow, Gibbs scrutinized Jenny's face. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say that sounded like an invitation."

Jenny shrugged innocently. "It's open for interpretation Agent Gibbs."

"Uh oh, back to 'Agent Gibbs' huh? Am I in trouble again?"

"Should you be?" Jenny asked. "Done something in the last couple hours that I need to know about Jethro?"

He held up his right hand. "I swear that so far this morning I have not ticked off the FBI, tangled with any reporters, or even slightly bent the rules that govern this organization."

Jenny burst out laughing. "Well...if only I could hold you to that oath every day. My life would include a lot less smoothing out of agency related wrinkles."

"I think you'd be bored if you didn't have to unruffle FBI feathers or give a polished statement to the newspapers regarding your rogue lead agent once in awhile."

She rolled her eyes. "You'd be surprised. There are actually other things to do around here."

Gibbs phone chirped and he grabbed it. "Gibbs." He listened briefly. "Okay Duck, on my way." Glancing back at Jenny, he gave her one of his half-grins. "Sorry Boss, gotta go. Ducky found something."

Jenny watched him from her chair for a moment before getting up and coming to stand in front of her desk, the two of them separated now by only a couple feet. "Be careful chasing the bad guys."

He reached out and rubbed his thumb on her cheek. "Don't worry Jen. I'll see you later."

Then he was gone and Jenny wondering how long it would be before she would be kissing him goodbye again.

**NCIS**

Later that day, while the team was still busy following leads and trying to track down where the truck might've been taken, Jenny walked out of MTAC. Having nothing urgent that required her to immediately rush back to her office, she stood for a moment at the railing of the upper floor and watched the activity below in the bullpen. McGee was typing on his computer, tracking something. Tony was on the phone and Ziva stood with her arms crossed, in front of Gibbs' desk, gesturing to something on the plasma and talking with Gibbs.

Still holding her folder, Jenny leaned on the railing, her eyes only seeking to follow one person. Because of her viewpoint, she saw the moment he noticed her there. It showed in his stillness, how he stopped what he was doing and ever so slowly looked up. Jenny smiled at her husband, loving that no matter what was going on, he knew she was watching. She could see how he tried to stop the grin from spreading over his face, but the twinkle in his eyes gave him away.

Seconds later he excused himself from the group and started up the stairs towards her. Jenny thought that either the team had been warned against spying, or the case really was absorbing them fully, because not a head turned in their direction when Gibbs left. At the top of the stairs, he turned, taking the last steps to reach her slowly.

Jenny couldn't help as her own smile widened. "Jethro."

"Hey Jen." He looked at her for a moment. "What, you got nothing better to do than spy on me?"

She shrugged. "Just enjoying the view."

Gibbs face registered surprise. Jenny was practically flirting with him.

She stared back. "I noticed my invitation went unaccepted."

He inched closer. "Not for lack of interest," Gibbs felt compelled to mention. "The case."

Jenny nodded. They seemed to have run out of things to say, but both were comfortable with silence, having used it both as a shield and a comfort over the years. Finally Jenny straightened and moved to walk by him back to her office, but Gibbs caught her hand as she passed and Jenny looked at him questioningly.

"Can I cash that lunch raincheck in for a supper date?"

"A date?" she raised her eyebrows. "I don't know. Management kind of frowns on fraternization between co-workers."

"Is that so?" Gibbs asked, teasing. "And how do they feel about kissing?"

Jenny tried to bite back her smile. "I guess it depends on the kind of kissing. Now, making out on the catwalk, that would be unprofessional. But a kiss on the cheek?" she held her hands up. "That might be allowed."

Gibbs leaned closer, his face hovering beside hers for a moment before he pressed his lips to her soft cheek. "Well, we wouldn't want to be breaking any rules now, would we?"

Jenny shook her head at him and started backing away but Gibbs was still holding her hand.

"I'll come get you when I'm ready to go, how's that?"

"Works for me," she smiled, "there's always plenty to keep me busy around here." She tugged on her hand and when he didn't let go she arched her eyebrows at him. "Do I get it back?"

"You didn't answer my question."

"Oh yes, dinner. Will this be a formal event?"

Gibbs made a face. "I was thinking something more like Chinese take out in front of the fire."

That was bribery, two of her favourite things, well 3 really - Gibbs, Chinese, and fire warmth. "Deal." She looked down at his agents busy at their work. "I guess you have to get back to work."

He sighed. "I guess. Bad guy to find. Later Jen."

"Okay," she smiled, watching as he descended the staircase to re-join his team.

**NCIS**

Hours later, with the bad guy in custody, the stolen truck and it's contents found unharmed, and the paperwork completed, Jethro Gibbs sat on a couch in his wife's livingroom, hungrily devouring oriental food with chopsticks.

Jenny laughed. "It's not going anywhere Jethro."

He slowed down and offered an apologetic expression. "Sorry. Missed lunch."

She didn't bother adding, 'me too', he would only worry. Picking through her chow mein, Jenny focused on removing the bean sprouts one by one.

Comfortable silence surrounded them while they ate. When Jenny finally set her takeout container aside, unable to eat anymore, she looked at her husband. "Did you want coffee? I could make some."

She was about to get up when he caught her hand. "It's a nice night out. Care to go for a walk with me?"

Jenny followed his gaze out the window. The sun had long since set, twilight had come and gone. She bit her lip. "It's dark out now."

"It's peaceful at night," Gibbs commented, wondering if her apprehension about the dark was going to be a large obstacle to overcome.

Struggling with herself, Jenny desperately searched for another excuse. Finding none, she sighed and told him what she was really thinking, her eyes focused on a loose thread in her jeans. "Bad things happen at night."

Gibbs tipped her chin up, seeing the fear in her eyes. "Good things can happen at night too."

"I don't know..." Jenny hedged.

"Do you trust me?"

"For what?" she looked back at him and he found it interesting that she had qualifiers for trust. Something to think about later.

"To be there. To keep you safe. To not let anything bad happen."

Jenny hated that she had to think about that question. Before she was kidnapped, the answer would have been an unequivocal 'yes'. Now there was a huge disconnect between the truth she knew and the truth she could make herself believe.

"I'll try," she whispered, wishing she could give him more than that.

Gibbs smiled. "I can work with that." He stood up, pulling her with him. "Come on Jen, I bet the stars are beautiful tonight."

He held her coat for her to put on and locked the door securely behind them. Jenny reached for his arm immediately and he kept it tucked close to his body, wanting her to feel the strength there. No one was going to hurt his Jenny tonight, or ever again, not if he could help it. They started off heading west, Gibbs only planning to take Jenny around the block. He could feel the tension in her body as she walked close beside him. She wanted to walk faster than they were going, to get it over with. But once they'd gone about a block, she was beginning to relax.

By the second block, their pace had slowed to a wander and they enjoyed the peacefulness of their neighbourhood at night. On the third block there was a darker section in the middle, in front of a small park. Gibbs steered Jenny towards the bench there. She wasn't terribly happy about more darkness, but with Gibbs right beside her it was hard to think of something going wrong.

Sitting down, he put his arm along the back of the bench, and invited her to join him. Jenny plastered herself to his side and he held her close, wanting to reassure. Looking up at the sky, he began to point out the various constellations.

"There's the Big Dipper, right there, and just to the left, the Little Dipper. See those three bright stars in a line? That's Orion's Belt. The Hunter - I like him. And there's Pegasus. I bet you wanted one of those when you were a little girl."

Jenny smiled faintly. "I had one once. Mom was the one who indulged my love of fantasy creatures. Daddy always bought me teddy bears, dogs, horses - anything that was real."

Reaching into his pocket, Gibbs pulled out the present he'd been waiting all day to give her. He'd wanted to give it to her on the weekend, but for obvious reasons it hadn't worked out.

"Jenny?"

"Hmm?" she said, her eyes straining into the darkness, looking for other patterns in the stars.

He dangled the delicate silver chain from his fingers. "For you."

She looked at him curiously. "Jethro? What's this for?"

"Just because."

She laid the pretty little butterfly in the center of her palm. "It's beautiful."

"It's the symbol for hope," he explained. "I thought maybe you could use some of that about now."

Jenny had several necklaces that she liked to wear, all collected from different memories. But she hadn't worn one since her kidnapping and she smiled at her husband, holding up her hair.

Gibbs took the cue and carefully fastened the chain around her neck. Jenny touched the pendant, which sat just on her breastbone.

"Thank you," she whispered. "You are getting very good at surprises."

He pulled her closer, so her back was leaning against his chest. "You're worth it," he said softly into her hair.

Jenny decided right then with the stars above them and her husband's solid warmth at her back that maybe, just maybe, the darkness wasn't quite so scary anymore. After all, what could happen with Leroy Jethro Gibbs watching her back?


	73. Chapter 73

_A/N: Sorry guys...only one chapter tonight. I'm having some...procrastination issues for writing the next couple chapters. There's a lot going on in them...so hopefully tomorrow I will at least start. BUT - it's also my dad's birthday tomorrow and we have a surprise party planned for him, then I'm away for the entire weekend...so updates may be few and far between. Not a lot of writing time between tomorrow and Monday. So enjoy and I'll try to get at least one more chapter posted at some point this weekend._

_Thanks all for reading and for your wonderful reviews! I truly appreciate each one! You guys are awesome for sticking with this story for so long...one day there will be an end, I promise! Have a great weekend everyone!_

When they returned from their walk, it wasn't too hard to convince Gibbs to cuddle on the couch with her while Jenny put on one of her favourite movies. And while Gibbs groused the whole time about having to watch a chick flick, Jenny knew it was just for show. Anything that gave him an excuse to have her close was enough for him.

Jenny curled up beside her husband, resting her head on his shoulder. Gibbs stretched his legs out to rest on the coffee table. She had seen this movie tens of times but never got tired of it. He had seen it a handful of times since they started dating and still didn't quiet understand the appeal. But far be it for him to get in the way of a woman and her romantic movies.

About halfway through, Gibbs started shifting positions and sighing. Finally he said, "Want popcorn Jen?"

Jenny laughed. "Don't tell me your bored Jethro?"

"No Jen," Gibbs said dryly, standing up, "this is fun for me." He headed towards the kitchen to get a refill on his coffee and Jenny froze while time stood still.

The memory slammed into Jenny's mind like the force of hitting a brick wall. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't think. Terror gripped her as Jenny realized she was back. She looked around and could feel the cold that permeated the room, smell the dry dust in the corners, taste him in her mouth. She could see nothing, just darkness. Down where he had hurt her, Jenny was sore. A wet spot under her marked where the blood had pooled. He came back then and she couldn't help it.

"Don't hurt me, please." The words were a whimper. Jenny was begging, but the wall would've had more compassion. Roughly he grabbed her hair and jerked her head back. Dragging his tongue across her cheek, he whispered with a malicious smile, "This is fun for me."

Then the man left again and made her dread what was to come for long minutes that dragged and raced by. Or maybe it was an hour, Jenny didn't know. How could one tell time when there was no sun, only dark shadows? When he came back, he was at her again and the screams ripped from Jenny's throat, beyond her control just like everything about this nightmare, while the man laughed and kept on.

Gibbs put the coffee pot back and lifted the cup to his lips, trying to decide if it was easier to just fall asleep rather than having to pay attention to the rest of the movie. Jenny screamed, a desperate, painful sound, and Gibbs dropped the mug he was holding and raced over to where she was, curled into a tight ball on the couch.

"Jen?" he asked, reaching for her without thinking.

"Don't touch me!" the order came swift and forceful and he withdrew his hand. But the next moment Jenny was rocking back and forth and he knew her mind wasn't here. "Don't hurt me, please," she whispered in a broken voice.

Hurting for her, Gibbs just stood there and wished he knew what would help. Remembering his gift to her last week, Gibbs hurried to the hall, reaching into the pocket of the suit jacket Jenny had draped over the railing after work. His fingers closed around the little wooden anchor.

Returning to his wife, Gibbs slipped the object into her hand, trying to touch her as little as possible. At first Jenny jerked away, but then she felt what she was holding and closed her fist around it. Gibbs sat down on the coffee table and began talking to Jenny, like Kristyn had advised.

"Jenny, I know you're scared but it's just a flashback. It's not real, you're safe. Wherever you think you are, believe me, you're here with me, at home, and you're safe."

He noticed that Jenny was barely breathing, just occasional shallow breaths. She was squeezing her hands so tightly that her knuckles had gone white. Gibbs wanted to reach over and unclench them, but regardless of how much she looked like she needed comfort, he respected that she didn't want to be touched. Couldn't be touched.

"Jen, I want you to take a deep breath." He took one himself, feeling a little silly but hoping she would copy him. "Please Jen." He finally saw her chest move. "That's it honey, now another one. Come on Jenny, you can do it."

Finally her breathing found it's rhythm and when it did, the silent shaking stopped and Jenny began to cry. Not just a few tears, but deep sobs that seemed to encompass her whole body. Gibbs moved to the couch, keeping plenty of space between them. The last thing he wanted was for Jenny to feel threatened by him.

"I'm here Jenny, it's going to be okay," he soothed. "If you need me, I'm here."

At last she took a deep breath and opened her eyes, back in reality once again. Looking up, she slowly opened her fingers and found the anchor. Gripping it again, Jenny looked over at her husband and in her eyes he saw a reflection of the first night she'd been home. There was so much Gibbs wanted to say, but none of his words could take away the memories. So he asked instead, to share them.

"Tell me Jen," he said softly, "what happened? What did you see?"

Her fingers began to trace each curve and line of the anchor she was holding. The silence stretched out and after awhile Gibbs wasn't sure if she was going to be able to trust him with this.

"It was awful Jethro," she whispered at last, dragging her sleeve down her cheek to dry the tears. "It's like I never left. He was there, in the shadows and I was begging him not to hurt me, hating how weak and pathetic I sounded. He...he laughed, he said the same thing you said, that it was fun for him. And then he did it again and again," her tears were back, leaking out of the corners of her eyes, "and...and no one could hear me screaming."

Gibbs ached to hold her, to comfort her in some way. But Jenny reached for him first this time, needing to be loved, needing to be held.

"I don't want to remember anymore," she cried. "I don't want to remember. Help me, please," she begged, holding out her arms for him.

Gibbs crushed her to him, holding onto her tightly. He hated the guy who had done this to Jenny, who had hurt her and left her with memories she couldn't forget. He had the sudden urge to track down the dirtbag they'd arrested and rip out his guts, to make him feel the kind of pain Jenny was feeling. But no. He couldn't go looking for vengeance, not this time. Instead he could only hope and pray that by some miracle he and Jenny would make it through this.

**NCIS**

It was more than an hour before Gibbs was able to convince Jenny to come to bed. Every time he moved she'd shaken her head and clung to him tighter. Finally though, they walked upstairs with Gibbs' arm around Jenny's waist, leaving everything as it was. Hopefully Noemi wouldn't mind when she came tomorrow. Jenny was his priority tonight.

Almost as if it was the first night all over again, she didn't want to get undressed. After a subtle reminder, she conceded to taking her bra off to sleep, but she did so without actually taking off any clothing. That she could do that still fascinated Gibbs, but he tried to look elsewhere, knowing she wouldn't want his eyes on her right now.

He took her hand and tugged Jenny into the bathroom. They brushed their teeth together and Gibbs picked up her hairbrush. In his hoody and her jogging pants, the haunted look in her eyes, Jenny looked exactly as she had two and a half weeks ago, the night he'd rushed home to her, grateful beyond words just to see her alive again, only to realize that she was not okay.

Settling on the bed together, Gibbs was disappointed when Jenny took the brush from him and pulled all her hair over her shoulder to work through the tangles. Gibbs just sat and watched her brush her hair. But halfway through she just stopped, her hands falling into her lap as she looked down.

"I don't have the energy to finish," she said quietly.

"Lay down Jen," Gibbs patted their bed.

After a moment, she stretched out on her stomach, head resting on her arms. She pushed her hair back and Gibbs began to work out the knots. When each strand was back where it needed to go, Gibbs continued pulling the brush through her thick hair, making it silky smooth. He lay down on his side next to her but not touching and ran his fingers through the red waves. Jen's deep sigh let him know she was relaxing finally. Almost asleep himself, Gibbs made himself sit up.

"Let's get under the covers Jen," he suggested.

She opened her eyes and moved her head back and forth. "No, let's stay here. Who says you have to sleep under the covers or lie straight up and down in bed instead of across it?"

Gibbs tried not to chuckle, glad to see some of her feistiness coming back. "Okay Jen." He got up to turn off the lights and reached into the closet for a couple extra blankets.

"Jethro?" she curled up on her side and looked at him. "Leave one of the lamps on."

He did as she asked and covered her with one of the blankets. Just before he climbed back into bed, Jenny voiced another request.

"Can you lock the door?" her voice quivered and it hit Gibbs that she didn't feel safe, even in her own house.

The doors were locked, the alarm set, he was there, and they had weapons in the room, but still Jenny couldn't trust that something wouldn't come through the bedroom door to get her. Gibbs slid the lock on the handle of the door and finally joined her on the bed. Spreading out his own cover, he lay down away from her, not sure how close would be too close with her memories all at the surface.

"No," she whispered, turning her head back to see him, "here." She tugged his hand and pulled him against her back, his arm around her waist. "Right here. I want to feel you against me, I need to know that you're there."

Gibbs tucked in behind her, kissing her shoulder through the clothes covering her.

"I love you Jen," he sighed, "I wish that could be enough to fix this."

Jenny laced her fingers between his. "You have no idea how much it helps Jethro," she confided. "Please don't stop. I need you to keep fighting for me, for us."

Pulling her just a little bit closer, Gibbs pressed her body into his heart. "Until my last breath Jen," he promised.

He feel asleep like that, holding her close, and dreamt of his wife. She was laughing, running through a green meadow and he chased after her. And just like in real life, she let him catch her before they fell.

**NCIS**

They were at Abby's place tonight. Another case closed, another bad guy thwarted, McGee was feeling pretty good about his life right now. Except that he was losing at Monopoly. Abby owned almost all of the Park Place side of the board and the scattered zones that McGee owned weren't enough to help him out much when he seemed to land on Abby's properties every single turn. Abby had only ended up owing him once every three times she rolled.

"Pay up McGee!" Abby ordered with a grin, holding her hand out palm up.

Grumbling, he counted out the pretend cash. "One more turn like that Abby and I'll have to declare bankruptcy!" he said dolefully.

"Okay," Abby shrugged. She didn't care what they did as long as they were doing it together. "There is ice cream in the freezer and three kinds of sauce in my condiment cupboard. How about we make sundaes?"

"What about the game?" McGee asked, not wanting her to change everything just for him.

"Leave it," she said, "I hear hot fudge calling my name."

Sundaes it was. McGee got the chocolate and caramel sauces out, warming them up in the microwave. He kept his pretty simple, just ice cream and sauce. But Abby when all out, decorating her sundae with sprinkles, smarties, and finally, whipped cream.

She looked at his and frowned. "Don't you want anything else Tim?"

"What?" he asked. "I like some things simple. Ice cream is one of those things."

"Not even just a little whipped cream?" she asked, shaking the bottle enticingly.

He shook his head slowly. "No thanks." He raised his eyebrows. "Maybe I'll just share yours."

Abby made a face at him, about to protest that she didn't share sundaes easily. Then his meaning sank in. "Ohh..." she smiled. "Okay then, I guess I can share."

They got comfortable on the couch and Tim just sat there, staring at his girlfriend as she took a spoonful of everything - ice cream, sauce, candy and whipped cream - and pushed it slowly into her mouth. As soon as she swallowed, Tim leaned over, kissing the chocolate off her lips, feeling the cold from the frozen dessert in her mouth.

Abby pulled back and smiled. "I like this game."

McGee took a bite of his own dessert, savouring the smooth caramel mixed with the shivery cold goodness of vanilla ice cream.

"My turn," Abby whispered.

She moved closer to him so their faces were just inches apart. Laying her palm against his cheek, she leaned forward slightly and tasted his lips. "Mmm..." she pulled back. "Maybe I should've had caramel."

Tim caressed her cheek with his thumb. "You can have as much as you want," he grinned, kissing her again.

Abby decided then that she loved Tim's mouth. Soft and warm, his lips gently took control of hers, letting her feel just a hint of the passion he felt for her. When he finished the kiss, they were both a little breathless.

"Wow McGee," Abby stated, taking another spoonful of her sugary concoction, "what an incentive to eat ice cream! I sure hope forever isn't too far away. This is tempting."

McGee started to smile before what she'd said made sense. He stared at his girlfriend who was now steadfastly ignoring him. She hadn't meant to say that last part out loud. _I sure hope forever isn't too far away_... Her words echoed in his mind. _Oh Abby_, he thought, _you have no idea what I have planned. I've been waiting years for this_.

"McGee," Abby elbowed him in the ribs and grinned mischievously, "your ice cream is melting."


	74. Chapter 74

BANG! Jenny's eyes flew open and she looked wildly around the room, searching for the source of the gunshot. Her breathing began to slow when she realized there was no danger in the room. It must've been in her dreams. Propping herself up on one elbow, Jenny tried to shake the memories.

Gibbs' hand rested on her shoulder. "Jenny?" he asked sleepily.

Her first reaction was to slap his hand away, but then she rolled over and buried her face in his chest. Gibbs held her, whispering nonsensical words of comfort and love, not knowing yet what was wrong.

"I hate this," she muttered.

"What?" he asked, awake and aware now.

"That I need the light on and the door locked to sleep. That sleep is interrupted by these crappy dreams." She sat up in frustration, tossing one of the throw pillows from their bed across the room. Huffing, she crossed her arms and glared at the wall.

Gibbs knew he shouldn't laugh, nothing she was going through was funny, but he loved this, the side of her that no one else got to see. The side that threw things when she was mad, collected and named stuffed animals, made cookies at ten o'clock at night when she was bored, and loved romantic movies, walks on the beach, and watching thunder storms.

Jenny Gibbs was a fantastic lover, a treasure as a wife, and his best friend. She had killer green eyes, lips to die for, gorgeous red hair, and the brightest smile he'd ever seen. He loved to have it directed at him, especially when one of them had been away for a few days. Being apart was not one of their strong suites. He'd have to remember that.

Leaning up on one arm, Gibbs fingered the curls hanging down her back. "What was the dream about Jen?" he asked, hoping that peaceful sleep would come if she talked about it.

She dropped her face into her hands. "What else?" she sighed wearily. "Being there...with him. Being abused. Waiting to die, waiting to live, waiting for a rescue I hoped would come. Wanting to be free," she rubbed her wrists, a nervous gesture she'd picked up lately, and then laid back down beside him, putting her hand to his face, "wanting you."

Gibbs laid his hand over hers and turned his face to kiss her palm. "Jen...I was so afraid. Afraid we'd be too late and then you'd be lying in Autopsy and I'd never get to hold you again, or kiss you. Never tell you I love you one more time, or get to say goodbye."

"I just wanted to see you again Jethro." Then she frowned at him. "We hate goodbye, why would you want to say it?"

Gibbs sighed. "Because there wasn't one last time."

Jenny closed her eyes. _Paris_. "I'm..." she started to say for the hundredth time, but Gibbs' finger on her lips wouldn't let the word out.

"You don't have to apologize every time I talk about Paris Jen. It's over, it's done, I forgave you. The past is part of what makes us who we are. Ours drove us apart but it also brought us back together again. I could never regret that. Never. Besides, we had a lot of good times in Paris too. No matter what the end looked like, those I still want to remember."

"But I do regret it. I have so much to make up for," Jenny said sadly, looking down at the bed.

Gibbs gripped her shoulder. "No. Let it go. Look at me Jen," he commanded. "3 am may not be the best time to settle this but it needs to end now." He shook his head. "Don't you trust me Jenny? That I know my own heart? Don't you believe me when I say I forgive you, I love you, it's over?"

Jenny sighed. "I believe that you are letting me off too easy, that someday you're going to wake up and realize you got the raw end of the deal and resent that you are now stuck with the person who broke your heart in the first place. I fear the day you realize this was a mistake," two tears escaped from under her eyelashes, "that it's not worth it, that you don't want me anymore."

She started crying again, but Gibbs was having a hard time processing what she'd just said. Did she really believe all that? "Jen..." he started.

"Everyone I ever loved left me Jethro. Mom, Dad, Paul," she listed them off, mentioning the first guy she'd ever fallen in love with, "why not you too?" she demanded, eyes sparking.

Gibbs said the first thing that came to mind. "Because I love you and I'm not letting go, you can't push me that far away. Because I need you like the air - for years it was so hard to breathe without you here. Because you have become my life," he traced her tears with his thumb, "and I would do anything for you Jen, anything," he insisted, wanting to make her believe it. "And plus," he lifted her hand, kissing each knuckle, "I promised you forever Jen, and I keep my promises."

He put his hand behind her head and guided her mouth to his. Tender, loving, not going anywhere - Gibbs tried to put it all into that kiss. Jenny sought his touch eagerly and responded, kissing him back, laying on his chest so his back pressed into the bed. When she finally pulled away, Gibbs could taste the saltiness of tears on her lips.

"Oh gosh Jethro, I've missed you," she breathed.

Gibbs pulled her into a hug and lay there with his arms around her. Finally he kissed her forehead.

"Get some sleep Jenny," he encouraged her, "I'll keep the bad dreams away."

She brushed back a piece of silver hair on his forehead. "I know you'll try," she smiled forlornly and laid her head down, closing her eyes.

Gibbs stayed awake awhile longer, wishing they could skip work tomorrow and just stay here like this. He hoped tomorrow would be peaceful for Jenny and that if it wasn't, he'd be there to hold her if the pieces started falling apart.

**NCIS**

No matter how close they'd been in the middle of the night, Jenny wasn't the same when they woke up. She jumped when he said 'good morning', as if she'd forgotten he was there, and hurried off to the bathroom with barely a look at him. Gibbs sighed. _Here we go again_. All this back and forth, up and down stuff with Jenny's moods and emotions and progress was taxing both to his patience and his own emotions. He just wanted things back to normal. Not for a day or a couple of hours, but for several days, maybe a week. _What would that even look like?_ he wondered.

Gibbs wished normal was hard to remember so he wouldn't miss it so much. But he vividly remembered what life had been like with Jenny before. Would life always be this different, always revolving around before and after? He laid on the bed, waiting for his turn in the shower, unable to muster the motivation to go downstairs and start the coffee. Noemi would be in soon, but he wasn't even sure he wanted breakfast this morning. He missed last night. He missed hugging and holding her and healing the deep hurts still leftover from Paris. Truly, bringing closure to Jenny's fears and insecurities had also worked to finally heal the last lingering scars in his own heart. Would this next challenge in their lives together bring new scars? He only hoped he was strong enough to hold it all together.

When Jenny emerged from the steamy bathroom in just her towel, she was surprised to see her husband in their room. Normally he would've been downstairs already. She sighed. Jenny hoped he wasn't having a bad day already too, not sure she could handle that on top of everything else right now. Her headache was back this morning, along with that feeling she hated, the one that made her recoil at the sound of a man's voice and shrink back from being touched. She didn't want to shy away from her husband again, but this feeling was something she couldn't control, and it made her agitated as well.

Grabbing her clothes, Jenny hurried back into the bathroom, shutting the door. She came out several minutes later and directed a tight smile at the bed.

"All yours," she told Gibbs.

He sighed. "Thanks," and got up.

Jenny waited until she heard the water running and the metal rings on the shower curtain sliding along the rod. Then she opened the door quietly and picked up her hair dryer, clearing a spot on the fogged up mirror before using it on her hair. In the shower, Gibbs was surprised to hear Jenny's hair dryer running. Last time when she'd been like this, they practically had to be in separate rooms for her to be comfortable. Maybe this time would be different, but if it was, did that mean all the rules were changed? He was having a hard time keeping up.

Gibbs didn't stay in the shower long, but Jenny was already gone from the room when he got out and dried off. When he went out into their room the wrinkles on the bed were smoothed out from where they lay last night, and the extra blankets refolded and put back in the closet. Gibbs took a deep breath. The scent of Jenny's perfume still hung in the air. It was one of the reasons he always knew she was there. No matter how big the room, the smell of her perfume always reached him.

As he was pulling his shirt over his head, Gibbs noticed something laying beside his badge and gun on the bureau. Curious, he reached for the folded piece of paper. The words he read inside told him just how hard Jenny was trying.

_Not okay today. I'm sorry. J._

**NCIS**

"Got a case Boss," Tony said as soon as Gibbs was within hearing distance. He held up a piece of paper with the address on it while strapping on his gun. Tony tossed the keys to McGee. "Probie, gas the truck." Gibbs raised his eyebrows at the senior agent. "Oh...uh, sorry Boss," he covered, not wanting to get asked who put him in charge.

Gibbs just shrugged and nodded at McGee, who hurried off towards the garage. The boss turned his eyes back to Tony as they headed for the elevator. "What do we got?"

Ziva jumped in before Tony could open his mouth. "Sailor's car found in a lake in Virginia..."

"With the sailor still inside!" Tony interrupted to add. The elevator doors slid closed, cutting off his next comment from the rest of the agents on the floor. "Oh, this is just like that movie..."

The drive to the crime scene was quiet, as it always was when Gibbs drove.

McGee was remembering his three hour phone call with Abby last night. She'd called to "keep him company" while he wrote, the deadline for his next book coming up soon. So they'd stayed on the phone together, sometimes talking and sometimes not. Abby had been polishing her coffin and organizing her death metal CD collection while they talked.

Ziva was still puzzling about the night she and Tony had taken Abby and McGee out to celebrate. At first, as things were happening, she'd thought she imagined it. But she could've sworn that Tony's hand had brushed her leg more than just one accidental time during the evening, that he'd leaned a little too close to laugh at one of her idiomatic mistakes, that his foot had grazed her ankle under the table as he changed positions. Only the greatest control had kept her from elbowing him in the face. That and the fact that she couldn't be absolutely sure how much was on purpose (if any), how much was an accident, and how much was alcohol induced madness.

And Gibbs' mind was going back to that morning, in the car with Jenny on their way to work. It seemed that each car ride was different. Today had been different from the strained drive to his house over the weekend just as that ride had been different from the night they'd gone home together and held hands the whole way.

There was no holding hands today, no shared glances, no words exchanged. Jenny seemed withdrawn inside herself again, and though his eyes had frequently strayed to her apprehensive posture, he wasn't sure she'd unglued her eyes from the window the whole time they were in the car. Because of her note this morning, he knew she was aware that something had changed again, but Gibbs didn't actually think she could do much about it. It was like a mood that gripped her and wouldn't let go. He wondered if anything would change by the time they got back to the office today.

For once Ducky and Jimmy arrived at the crime scene just a minute or two after they did, no getting lost or taking the wrong turn or forgetting the map. The Marines who had found the body during a routine training exercise in the lake this morning had known better than to touch the body before the ME arrived. Petty Officer Third Class Mitchell Wright still sat in the driver's seat of his car, head hanging forward and eyes open, held in place by the seatbelt he was wearing.

"Time of death, Duck," Gibbs demanded as soon as the medical examiner set foot inside the crime scene.

"Jethro," Dr. Mallard pointed out, "would you kindly let me meet the deceased before you begin to require answers to all of the pertinent questions?"

Gibbs chuckled but did not make any move to apologize or take back his question. He turned to the team who stood watching him.

"Tony," he pointed, "take..."

"Take witness statements and find out if and how they knew the petty officer. On it Boss."

"Ziva..."

"Photograph and sketch the scene."

"McGee..." Gibbs began, but the probationary agent was the only one who didn't finish his sentence for him.

"Uh...uh..."

"Perimeter search McGee."

"Right. I knew that. Got it Boss."

The three agents veered off in different directions, bent on completing their assigned tasks.

"Time of death was between 12 and 18 hours ago Jethro," Ducky finally came to the man in charge to answer his first question.

"Cause?"

Ducky rolled his eyes. "For goodness sake's Jethro, I won't know a thing more until we get him into Autopsy."

"Then what are you standing around here for, Doctor?"

Ducky chose to ignore his old friend's sarcasm and turned to look for his assistant. "Mr. Palmer!" he called. "Will you please bring..."

"Bringing the gurney now Doctor," Jimmy replied, wrestling the metal stretcher down the shallow, grassy incline.

"Do you get the feeling we've all been working together too long Jethro?" the doctor said as an aside, moving to help Jimmy with the body.

Gibbs took a sip of his coffee and remained silent.

"Oh Jethro," Ducky turned back and Gibbs looked at him blankly, but the look was interpreted by the older gentleman as expectant. "Will you join me for lunch today?"

Feeling surprise, Gibbs wasn't sure what to say. He and Ducky rarely went out during a case, content to enjoy their friendship at work and the occasional holiday party. Finally he settled on a compromise. "Check back with me later this week Duck, we'll see."

"Good enough," the man called cheerily, his enthusiasm in no way dampened.

Gibbs whistled shrilly and motioned for McGee, who came running up. "McGee, have this car towed back to Abby. Tell her to run every test she can think of, I want answers. Then do a background check. Get me everything you can find about Petty Officer Wright."

"On it Boss."

The rest of the team was just finishing up. Gibbs headed back to the car, trying to focus on the case and not what was going on with his wife.


	75. Chapter 75

Jenny was sitting in her office reviewing her schedule for the day, when the door to her office swung open and in strode her husband, two coffees in hand.

"Jen."

"Jethro."

There was silence as they stared at each other, neither one knowing quite what to say. Finally he held out one of the hot drinks.

"Coffee."

Jenny picked up the paper cup already on her desk. "Thanks, but I already have some."

"Don't need a refill?" he asked. Jenny didn't turn down coffee.

"Switched to decaf today."

His eyebrows shot up. "Decaf? Are you alright?" That was drastic.

She shrugged. "Trying to see if the headaches have something to do with the caffeine I've been living off."

"I could bring lunch," he offered.

She shook her head. "Thanks anyways."

There was no point in pushing. Barely speaking meant he didn't want to say the wrong thing and make it not talking to each other at all.

Gibbs set both drinks down on her desk and came around it, leaning against the side where she sat. He reached out his hand to brush back her hair and Jenny started, as if she hadn't seen it coming, moving with enough force to slide her chair back.

Jenny hated to look of surprise and hurt that crossed Gibbs' face. The movement or involuntary reaction, whatever it was, had surprised even her. She shook her head at him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, closing her eyes.

Gibbs waited a beat, and then grabbed the drinks and left without a work. _Don't take it personally_, all the advice said. _She's not rejecting you, she's rejecting what she's afraid of_, the psychiatrist's voice echoed._ Yeah, well tell that to the look on her face_, he thought grimly. The fear that popped into her eyes when he reached for her, the nervousness in her posture whenever he got too close. He was taking it personally and the rejection did hurt. Thank God there was a case to consume his attention. Maybe later would be better. Maybe not. The only way to find out was to get there.

**NCIS**

It was quiet in the lab, something that surprised McGee. No music playing, no forensic scientist gliding around the room and turning all the hums and beeps of her various machines into usable evidence to present to the boss. He must've just missed her. Of course, Tim could've just left the box of evidence and gone back upstairs to finish his check on their petty officer, but he would like to see her at least once at work today. She was probably in Autopsy getting blood samples from Ducky. Abby didn't mind fetching the stuff herself if Jimmy was too involved in helping the senior ME with their newest guest.

Sitting down on the stool in front of Abby's computer, he began scrolling through the list of programs, wanting to check for games. A good hand of Solitaire was always good for passing the time, as long as Gibbs didn't catch him. One name on the list caught his eyes and he scrolled back up. _MorphPro?_ Why did Abby have the same program on her computer that Tony and Ziva used for a practical joke? Surely she wasn't helping them torment him. Abby wouldn't do that...would she? Then McGee remembered a case from several months ago, shortly after Gibbs had returned from Mexico. The MorphPro program had been on the victim's hard drive. Abby probably thought it was fun and decided to keep it. Bonus of the job.

Thinking back to the picture Tony and Ziva had left for him using that software, he felt his heart flip. Married to Abby? Yeah, he'd dreamed of that. But kids with Abby? Wow. That was a whole other level of thought that he hadn't even gotten to yet. Still, Tim wondered what it would be like to hold his own child in his arms, a product of the love he'd one day share with his wife. It was enough to make him strangely sentimental. For a moment he was glad Abby wasn't in the lab right now to catch him thinking stuff like this. _Let's start with forever_, he told himself, _and go from there_. That was enough for now.

By the time Abby waltzed into the lab a couple minute's later, McGee's mind was firmly back in reality...for now at least. But he couldn't resist giving her an unexpected kiss on the lips.

Abby pulled back from the kiss and smiled. "You're so silly McGee. You know we can do this after work too." She gave him a funny look. McGee's expression was kind of hard to interpret and she wondered what he was thinking and if he was going to share.

"I know," he shrugged. "But sometimes the unexpected is fun."

She shook her head. "I'm guessing Gibbs did not send you to the lab to kiss me. Not that I mind," she added. "So, what do you have for me?"

"Find anything interesting in the car?" he asked, handing over the paperwork for her to sign. Chain of evidence was one thing that helped their reports stand up in court. The agent who messed that up, especially after working with Gibbs, was liable to get headslapped, fired, and then re-hired again just to be stuck under Gibbs thumb until they learned their lesson. And that was not somewhere he wanted to be.

Abby grinned. "Lots of interesting stuff Tim. But you're going to have to wait and hear it with Gibbs just like the rest of the team."

"What, no preferential treatment?"

She handed back the clipboard and slid on a pair of latex gloves. "Only when we're not at work McGee. Besides, Gibbs would know and I'm not about to lose my place as the favourite. Now shoo!" She flapped her hands at him. "I have work to do!"

**NCIS**

The next time Gibbs saw Jenny was when she was on the walkway upstairs, apparently on her way to MTAC. As if she couldn't help it no matter what her mood, she looked down at the bullpen and caught his eyes. Deciding that the worst she could do was ignore him, Gibbs signed to her.

_You okay?_ he asked.

Jenny stopped and shook her head sadly. She tapped her fingers together in the motion for 'no'.

_What's wrong?_

_Don't know. Just...can't find me._

_I'm sorry_, he signed, wishing he could do more. He figured adding one last thing couldn't hurt. _I love you._

The slightest ghost of a smile graced her lips for a second. _Me too_, she signed back, before turning and walking into the sealed room behind her.

Gibbs sighed, reminding himself to be thankful for the little things. At least they were communicating. McGee finally made his way back to the bullpen.

"Enjoy your break McGee?" Gibbs asked sarcastically.

Tim stopped in mid-stride on his way to his desk. "Uh...sorry Boss. Had to wait for Abby to get back to sign the chain of evidence log."

If Gibbs noticed the faint sheen of Abby's favourite red lip gloss on his probationary agent's lips, he didn't mention it. He'd probably be doing the same thing to his wife several times a day if she wasn't keeping his at arms length. _Once they break Rule 12, there's just no stopping them,_ he grumbled silently. Taking another sip of coffee, he snapped back into action.

"Tell me about our petty officer McGee."

**NCIS**

Jenny paced back and forth slowly in the open space before the large screen in MTAC. It had been an hour and finally everyone was in position. All they needed was an actual sighting of their terrorist, and the mission would be a go. Minutes ticked by and she tapped her foot anxiously. This guy should be on their most wanted wall, but he was a crummy dirtbag nonetheless and deserved to go down for everything he'd accomplished in his stellar career as an enemy operative.

At last the Colonel's face came on the screen. "It's a go Director."

Jenny frowned. "I didn't see a visual Colonel."

"There's movement inside the safe house. We've got to assume it's our guy."

"There are solider's lives on the line right now Colonel," Jenny stated in a flat voice, feeling her skin get hot. "You do not move until I know that this is a sure thing."

There was a flurry of movement and excited voices behind the Colonel. "What's going on?" she asked.

"He's moving Director, we need to take him now."

Jenny felt the whole world spinning out of control. "Colonel, you cannot send our men in there until we have confirmation of the target!" Her voice was close to yelling level but she couldn't help it. He was risking men's lives, she was in charge, and he wasn't listening.

"Director, we have no choice. If Al Jahar is in there and we don't attack, we could lose him and then hundreds more will die. Is that what you want?" He didn't wait for a response from her, instead turning and giving the order. "On my count..."

"No!" Jenny tore the headphones off and threw them across the floor, angry and afraid. Then she panicked when she suddenly realized she couldn't breathe.

Jenny hurried towards the woman's restroom, her chest tight. At first she just hadn't been able to catch her breath. She'd brushed off the tech's concern and left the room. But now she couldn't even draw one deep breath and the rapid heartbeat in her chest made her feel as if she was about to faint.

Finally in the bathroom and away from the eyes of the world, Jenny leaned back against the cool wall. She held her hands out in front of them, curling them into fists. But no matter what she did, Jenny couldn't get them to stop shaking. Finding it hard to swallow, she noticed her mouth was as dry as a desert. Digging into her pocket, Jenny came upon the wooden anchor her husband had given her and she held it for comfort, rubbing her thumb over it in a constant, repetitive motion.

She clenched her jaw, trying to get control over her body back, but her muscles were locked up so tight she could barely move and her head was pounding again, making coherent thought difficult. Jenny stood facing the wall, trying to take deep breaths and focus, counting the number of times she inhaled and exhaled. Kristyn had warned her about this, but she never expected or thought that a panic attack could be this intense.

Finally her chest relaxed and her breathing slowed and she was in control again. But the panic attack had left her with a roaring headache and a muddled mind. Her hands were still shaking too, Jenny realized as if from far away, as she made her way back to her office.

"Director." Cynthia stood. "How did it go?"

Jenny looked at her assistant, having a hard time focusing, and frowned. "What?"

Cynthia looked confused. But before she could answer, Jenny waved her hand as if it was inconsequential.

"Never mind. Hold all my calls Cynthia. No more appointments for awhile. I'll be in my office. No interruptions."

For one of the first times ever, the director's assistant wished Agent Gibbs was nearby. She may not like him because he disregarded all the rules of polite society, but he was the Director's husband. And whatever was going on with her boss right now, Cynthia had a feeling he would come in handy.

Jenny thought she flipped the lock on her door when she walked into her office, but her fingers slipped off the handle so she couldn't be sure. She didn't even glance at her desk, but went straight to the small couch lined up against the far wall. Sinking down onto it, she wished she'd thought to take something for this headache. Frowning, she was suddenly confused. Was she supposed to drink more coffee if she had a headache, or less? Something should help. The pain was becoming fierce. When her cheek hit the cool material on her couch, Jenny felt relief for a moment, but only one.

The blinds were still open and the light was too bright. Even Cynthia typing at her computer outside the steel office doors sounded loud and Jenny wished for ear plugs to block out the sound. Glancing at the clock, she tried to make out the time. It was either very light outside for shortly after midnight, or it was still just barely afternoon. But she couldn't even keep her eyes open. How could she be so tired? She had a good sleep last night, didn't she?

Suddenly unsure, Jenny tried to remember, but all she could think of was how lying in Jethro's arms seemed to be the only way she could fall asleep. Maybe they should do that tonight. Or this afternoon. Oh, but wait...they weren't talking right now, were they? Was Jethro mad at her for something? It was frustrating not to be able to remember, but everything seemed difficult and Jenny just wanted to sleep, to get rid of this awful pain behind her eyes and rest without dreaming, without thinking, without anything at all.


	76. Chapter 76

"Cause of death, Ducky?" Gibbs asked the moment he walked into the cold, sterile room.

"Hello to you too Jethro," Ducky replied. He faced the man lying on the metal table. "Preliminary exam confirms what I suspected."

"He drowned?" Gibbs asked.

Ducky smiled. "Good guess. But actually, that is only one of the ways he died."

"There's more than one way to die Duck?"

"Oh hundreds," the doctor confirmed. "But I would think that is a subject that both our Mossad Liaison and our forensic scientist could speak at length on. You know, there are five ways to kill a person with just the use of your..."

"Only interested in one way Duck."

"Of course." He gestured to the x-ray wall. "Our poor young petty officer drowned only after he'd been shot." Ducky held up the small glass evidence jar containing a rather compacted bullet. "Long range. Sniper rifle perhaps. Though you would know that better than I, Jethro. Mr. Palmer," Ducky called to his assistant who was on the computer running a test, "would you take this bullet up to Abby please?"

"Right away Doctor," Jimmy smiled and got up before Gibbs shook his head.

"No need. I've got it Duck. On my way to see Abby anyways." He pulled out a pen and scribbled his signature on the evidence bag.

"Let me know if you find anything else."

"Of course Jethro," Ducky called after him, but heard the ding and knew the man was already gone. "No patience in people these days," he muttered. "When I was a boy, Mr. Palmer, patience was a virtue. In fact, I'm reminded of a time..."

**NCIS**

"Hi Gibbs," Abby smiled as he walked into her lab, albeit without his usual offering. Her dark eyebrows arched and she pouted just a tiny bit. "No Caf-Pow?"

"Evidence first Abby, caffeine induced high energy later."

"Well don't you just take all the fun out of life," she grumbled good naturedly. "Petty Officer Wright. Umm...tox screen showed he was driving with a 0.5 blood alcohol level, which is below the legal limit in Virginia. Other than that, he was clear for drugs - nothing in the last year so far that I can tell."

"What about his clothes?"

"Patience Gibbs," Abby shook her head at him, "I was just getting to that. There's the obvious blood from the entry wound and the hole from the bullet, but there's not much else I can tell you. He is in uniform so maybe he was heading to base or coming from? It's hard to tell when his car ends up in a lake. Pretty sure he didn't mean to park there. Although," Abby considered this for a moment, "parking is probably free at the bottom of the lake." She grinned. "Not too many traffic jams down there."

"Abby..." Gibbs practically begged.

"The car was much more interesting, but you're going to have to bring the team to the evidence garage to hear about that part. I like to do it in person."

"You just want an excuse to wear the comfortable jumpsuit," Gibbs stated as if it were a well-known fact.

"Oh Gibbs...if I didn't have to leave those at work, I would probably be wearing them home all the time. Who knows," she shrugged, "might even replace my funeral gown." She frowned. "I just don't know what is better, the blue or the red? What do you think?"

When she turned around to hear Gibbs' opinion, she found that he had disappeared. Spinning back around and clicking some keys on her computer, Abby shrugged. _He probably can't choose between blue and red. Hmm...I wonder what Gibb' favourite colour is? I'll have to ask Jenny. No, better yet, I'll send out an anonymous survey. Yeah...with a tagline. Don't forget that I'm a forensic scientist and I can kill you without leaving a trace_. She grinned. _Perfect_.

**NCIS**

For the first time that day, Gibbs permitted himself to relax a little about the case. The evidence Abby had pulled from the car had turned out to be great news and they already had a lead on a suspect, which the team was out tracking down. Gibbs was waiting to hear back on a search warrant before he joined them. There was no way whoever killed the petty officer was getting off on a technicality.

He checked his watch. Still a few minutes left before he was expecting the phone call, may as well go and check on Jenny. Wishing he'd stepped out for lunch so he had another excuse to go see her, Gibbs shrugged and took the steps two at a time.

Cynthia heard, rather than saw Special Agent Gibbs coming, so she stood up and rushed to stand in front of the Director's door. He would have to notice her then.

Gibbs sighed when he saw Jenny's assistant standing protectively in front of her office door. "Need to see her Cynthia."

Surprised that he even addressed her directly, the woman still crossed her arms. "Fine. But I'm warning you, something was wrong with her when she came back from MTAC."

Gibbs drilled a stare at her. "Define 'wrong'."

Cynthia shrugged and let her arms fall to her sides. "I don't know exactly, but something was off. The way she was talking to me, her sentences were all cut up into little pieces. I think she had a headache by the way she was wincing and she wasn't making eye contact with me." She stepped aside. "I guess you're the best person to check on her, since you are her husband."

Gibbs knit his brows and reached for the door.

When Jenny heard a noise, she struggled to lift her head. Oh great, someone was in her office. She guessed she hadn't quite hit the lock properly when she came in. Squinting, she blinked a couple of times until the person came into view.

"Jethro," she breathed, laying her head back down. She certainly didn't have to stand on ceremony with her own husband.

"Jen?" He frowned and moved towards her, sitting on the edge of the couch and putting his hand on her cheek, then her forehead, checking for a fever. Jenny never just laid down on the couch in the middle of the day. Cynthia was right, something was definitely wrong.

Jenny leaned into Gibbs' touch before remembering she didn't think she wanted to be touched. But it was so hard to focus. Did that make sense? Why was she afraid of her husband again? Wasn't he going to make it all better? Oh, if only this pain in her head would go away, why couldn't she think straight?

Gibbs went to Jenny's bathroom and reached for the bottle of aspirins in the medicine cabinet. He shook two into his palm, wishing he could give her more but knowing it wasn't a good idea. A headache, laying down on the couch, it seemed like her time of the month was hitting with a vengeance this time. He was so glad that he was not a woman and didn't have to go through that every three weeks.

He filled the glass on the counter half-full with water and went back out to see to his wife. "Here," he touched her shoulder and offered her the pills, "take these Jen, they'll help."

Jenny's expression twisted with confusion as she struggled to prop herself up on one elbow. "Help with what? Is something wrong? What's that?"

Gibbs' eyes narrowed. "Aspirin, for your headache," he said slowly, not liking how she sounded.

"Oh yes, the headache. Too much coffee I guess, or is it not enough? I can't remember."

"Jenny, what's wrong?" he asked. She wasn't making any sense and it was scaring him.

"Is something wrong?" she asked, curling back up on the couch.

Gibbs sat down beside her again. His new mission had nothing to do with the case and everything to do with convincing his wife/boss that she should take the rest of the day off and go home and sleep.

"Did something happen in MTAC?" he asked, uncertain if he would get a clear answer or not.

It looked like she was thinking. "Stupid Colonel," she muttered, "doesn't he know I'm in charge? I hope he didn't kill anyone."

Okay, so something had gone wrong with the mission apparently, but that didn't explain her foggy headstate. Gibbs pulled his cell phone out of the holder on his belt.

"Jethro, I haven't found anything new yet..." Dr. Mallard began.

"Ducky, get up to Jen's office, will you? Something's wrong."

"I'll be right there."

Minutes passed while Gibbs' watched Jenny lie on the sofa and waited for his old friend.

"What's the matter Jethro?" Ducky asked, rushing in.

"I don't know. She keeps talking nonsense, she doesn't seem to know what's going on. She was fine a couple hours ago. Well, not fine," he amended, "but okay. I don't know what happened."

"Let's have a look, shall we?" Ducky said. "Hello Jennifer," he smiled and shook her shoulder gently.

She rolled over and smiled widely at him. "Ducky! How are you? Are we in Paris?"

Now it was Ducky's turn to be concerned, and he reached for his light to check her eyes, keeping up a steady stream of conversation with her as he did a quick, physical exam.

"No Jennifer, that was eight years ago. We're in DC in your office and I'm just going to make sure you haven't hurt yourself."

"Can't get hurt with Jethro around," Jenny stated, drawing her gaze back to her husband.

Ducky chuckled. "He is quite handy to have around my dear. Now, can you follow my finger? Good girl." When he was satisfied, he nodded. "Alright Jennifer, lay down. You can rest a little more before you go home."

"Is it time to go already?" Jenny didn't like the sound of that. "Oh, I had so much to do today! I don't know how the time got away from me. Do I really have to go home?"

"Yes," both men answered together, before moving to the other side of the room so Ducky could explain.

"Well?" Gibbs demanded.

"She doesn't appear to have a concussion Jethro and I don't believe she's taken anything."

"Just the aspirins I gave her ten minutes ago."

Ducky shook his head. "That won't hurt her." He looked back over his shoulder at Jenny. "But she does seem to be reacting to whatever it is as if she is drunk."

"It's been a long time since I've seen that," Gibbs said, pushing his hands into his pockets. "What should I do? I can't just leave."

"Let her security detail see her safely home. Can you make sure someone is with her?"

"If I can't reach Noemi I will order Ziva onto protection detail."

"Good enough."

"So you don't know what's wrong with her?" Gibbs asked again, feeling the concern pooling in his stomach.

Ducky hated to speculate. "Did she sleep well last night?"

"Except for a middle of the night bad dream break and the mini therapy session we had."

"And this morning?"

"Back to what it was like the first week - didn't want to be touched, didn't seem able to control her reactions."

"What about earlier, just before this happened?"

Gibbs shrugged. "Cynthia mentioned something about an MTAC mission."

"I wonder..." Ducky began. "It seems rather an extreme reaction, but if she had a panic attack because of something that happened with the mission, a loss of control perhaps. She could've reacted violently to it."

"I'll take that over something being really wrong in her head," Gibbs crossed his arms. "Thanks Duck. I'll take it from here."

"Let me know how she is," Ducky said, retrieving his bag and leaving quietly.

Gibbs punched the intercom button on Jenny's phone. "Cynthia, have the Director's security detail report to her door in five minutes."

There was only a slight hesitation before she answered. "Right away Agent Gibbs."

Gibbs headed back over to where Jenny lay on the couch. "Jen? Honey? It's time to go."

Jenny rolled over and aimed her beautiful, although slightly glazed, green eyes at him. "Go where?"

"Home," he said firmly.

"Oh, alright."

With his help Jenny sat up and Gibbs got her coat. As she passed her desk, Jenny reached for the teddy bear Abby had given her which had been sitting on the corner of her desk since it's arrival, and stuffed it into her briefcase, which Gibbs then took from her.

"Who is that?" he asked, knowing Jenny talked about her teddy bears like people.

Jenny's forehead wrinkled as if she were trying to remember, then she smiled slowly. "Carebear," she said confidently.

By the time they exited the office, Jenny's security detail was waiting, Special Agents Cooper and Miesser. Gibbs briefly explained the situation, told them to take good care of his wife, and pressed a quick kiss to Jenny's hair.

"Bye Jen."

"Aren't you coming?"

"Later," he smiled and watched her walk away. With his eyes still on her, he reached for his cell phone again, dialing Jenny's home number.

"Senora Shepard's residence," came Noemi's accented voice.

"Noemi, it's Gibbs."

"Hola Senor Gibbs. Como estas?"

Gibbs had been around Jenny's housekeeper long enough to pick up what her Spanish phrases meant. "Been better Noemi. I'm sending Jenny home, I need you to keep an eye on her."

"Is something wrong?"

"Well, something isn't right. Just make sure she sleeps for awhile, okay? And if you can get her to eat something, I'll give you a raise."

"No no no," Noemi protested, "eating should not cost extra. I will try."

"Thank you Noemi."

"De nada Senor Gibbs."

He hung up the phone. Too many commitments. He wanted to be with his wife. He needed to work this case. Sometimes life wasn't fair.


	77. Chapter 77

Upon arriving at home and having Noemi insist on putting her to bed, Jenny fell asleep within minutes. She didn't dream, she didn't think, she was simply lost in the sweet oblivion of rest.

Gibbs could not afford to quit working the case, but he did take an extended coffee break a couple of hours later, just to check on her. When he walked in the door, Noemi poked her head out from the kitchen. Frowning, she wiped her hands and came towards him.

"Senor Gibbs, what is wrong?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. How's she doing?"

Noemi followed his gaze upstairs. "She has been sleeping since she arrived home."

"That's good." He looked down at his watch and up towards the bedroom where his wife lay. "I think I'll just go check on her."

The housekeeper raised her eyebrows. "Very well. But do not wake her."

Gibbs smiled. "Yes Ma'am."

Slipping off his shoes and moving slowly upstairs, Gibbs pushed the half closed door open a little farther so he could see into the room. When he saw Jenny laying on their bed, curled up and sleeping, he had to smile. Tucked into one of her arms was Carebear, her teddy from Abby. And on his side of the bed, sitting and watching her, was Jenny's stuffed panda LJ, that he'd bought for her the night they played Paris. He shook his head, even that seemed like years ago instead of merely a week and a half.

He walked softly to the edge of the bed, and laid his hand gently on Jenny's face. She barely stirred and for that he was grateful. Whether she woke up as herself or in the state she had been when he'd found her in the office, Gibbs still wasn't sure what he would say. Regardless of what he wanted, things had changed for them. If she was willing, maybe tonight they could just enjoy being in the same house together - watch a movie, sit on the couch and read, just something so they didn't get any further away.

Stroking her long, red hair, Gibbs pressed the lightest of kisses to her temple, then turned around and made his way back downstairs. They still had a murderer to find and it was going to be another long day.

**NCIS**

Jenny shifted on the bed as she awoke, slowly sliding out of the restful sleep she'd been having. When she opened her eyes, she was surprised to find herself at home in bed. Strange. The last thing she remembered was falling asleep on her office couch, how did she get home? She shook her head slowly, still feeling the pressing of the headache against her forehead. At least it wasn't as bad as it had been. Looking down, Jenny smiled at the sight of the teddy from Abby - what had she called him? Oh yes, Carebear - cuddled in her arms. LJ was staring at her from Jethro's side of the bed and Jenny could only assume Noemi, who had worked for her for years and knew her love of stuffed animals, had put him there for comfort.

Finally sitting up, Jenny pushed down the light blanket covering her. The clock said it was after three o'clock in the afternoon, how long had she been sleeping? It bugged her, not remembering exactly what had happened. Visions of the mission in MTAC going wrong flashed in her mind, and Jenny recalled having to retreat to the bathroom to get her control back. But something must've happened after that, because her memory went no further.

A knock on the door made her look up. It was her housekeeper.

"Senora, como estas?" Noemi asked, concern written in her eyes.

"Fine Noemi," Jenny answered automatically, before thinking about it. "Well, better anyways." She looked around. "What am I doing at home?"

Noemi frowned. "You do not remember?"

"The last thing I remember is being in my office."

"The agents, they bring you home after lunch. Then you sleep. I do not know why."

"Did Jethro bring me home?" Jenny asked, thinking that would make the most sense.

"No," the other woman shook her head. "But he came by to check on you."

Jenny's eyebrows arched. "Whatever happened must've been bad, if Gibbs was worried enough to leave the case to come and see me."

"He loves you," Noemi reminded her boss.

Jenny's mouth curved into a small smile. "Yes. Well," she slid out of bed, "I suppose I should get up now."

"Sit, sit!" Noemi insisted. "I will bring you a tray."

"Noemi," Jenny rolled her eyes, "I do not need to stay in bed. It's only a headache, I'll be fine."

Noemi shrugged, knowing better than to argue with the strong willed redhead. "I will warm your food up in the kitchen then."

Jenny shook her head. "Thank you Noemi, but I'm really not hungry." She held up her hand when the housekeeper seemed about to protest. "Not you too Noemi, please. But I would love a cup of tea."

"Si Senora," Noemi sighed, giving up for now, "I will bring it to the library."

"Thank you."

Half an hour later, Jenny was sitting on one of the couches in the library, her feet tucked up beside her, staring out the window and nursing her cup of tea. Everything about today felt strange, from the way she'd felt when she woke up this morning to whatever had happened after she left MTAC. Thinking back to her appointment with Kristyn Monday afternoon, Jenny suddenly remembered the strange thought that had popped into her head when the therapist was talking about her needing friends to talk to.

_Call Rachel_. Jenny shook her head. Rachel Wayne, her roommate from college. It had been years since they'd seen each other, but back then they had been best friends. Rachel was a naturally happy person, with an unbridled enthusiasm for life and a flair for all things unexpected. It had been a sharp contrast to Jenny's tight laced, button downed ways, her driven personality, and stubborn focus on a then almost unattainable goal. But they'd been good for each other, balanced one another out. Jenny had made Rachel study and read her textbooks once in awhile, and Rachel had dragged Jenny out of their room, sometimes unwillingly, to go find something to do other than homework.

They would go to the cafeteria if Jenny was being particularly stubborn, just to get something to drink and for a change of scenery. On days when Jenny was feeling brave, they would go dancing at the club on campus and shamelessly flirt with all the guys that so much as looked at them. Sometimes they just lay on their beds in the close quarters of the dorm room, talking about their lives, about love and hopes and dreams. It had been so hard to say goodbye to Rachel when they'd graduated, though the two had promised to keep in touch.

And they had, sort of. Rachel was a little flighty and sometimes sent Jenny only half finished emails or quickly scrawled letters. Jenny had looked forward to their infrequent phone conversations and the times they planned to get together that had never happened. But they'd lost touch once Jenny joined NCIS and spent several years in Europe working with Gibbs and then Ziva.

It had only been over the last couple of years that they'd started getting back in touch. At first it was an errant email that had arrived in Jenny's inbox months after it had actually been sent. Once they'd exchanged addresses again, since they had both moved from the last time, letters occasionally appeared in their respective mailboxes. It had become a bit of a routine - one email a month, one phone call every couple of months, letters two or three times a year. Slowly the two friends began to catch up on each other's lives.

Rachel knew that Jenny had gotten married to the man she'd first heard about a couple years back. And Jenny knew that her friend was now living in Indiana. But no matter how many times they'd talked about finally seeing one another again, they just hadn't been able to coordinate schedules to get together. It was a disappointment for Jenny, but often she was too busy to think about how nice it would be to have a close friend again. Until now. And now it wouldn't just be nice, now Jenny needed a friend. She allowed herself to hope that Rachel could fill that spot.

Because, once she began thinking about and remembering the past, it came back to her, something that had happened during their junior year. Nearly twenty years ago, but Jenny could still see the night that Rachel had stumbled into their room, bloody scrapes covering her arms and legs, her hair disheveled and her blouse torn - she'd been raped. Neither of them knew what to do, but somewhere in-between Rachel's tears and Jenny's awkward attempts at comfort, they'd realized this needed to be reported to the police. The worse part was that it was someone they knew, a guy from their law class. He'd been apprehended and charged only days later. After the police station, Jenny had driven Rachel to the hospital so she could get checked out.

Jenny hadn't known what to do. She'd never faced a situation where someone close to her had been hurt in that way. So she did what she could, she was there for Rachel. She listened, she talked, she comforted, she made sure her friend didn't become a hermit and stay in their dorm room 24/7. Mostly, she made it clear that what happened didn't change their friendship and that she wasn't going anywhere. And now, Jenny decided, her first concession that she couldn't handle everything by herself, she needed that favour returned.

Just as she was convincing herself to go check her email for Rachel's number, the phone rang and Jenny walked across the hall to answer it. "Jenny Gibbs." Work would call her cell number, at home she could be herself. It was probably her husband anyways.

"I still can't get used to hearing that," a female voice said with a smile. "In college it was 'Jen Shepard', and at work just 'Shepard', but now 'Jenny Gibbs'. Girl, I like the sound of that!"

"Rachel!" Jenny cried in surprise, thrilled beyond words to hear her dear old friend's voice and a little bit suspicious, wondering when Rachel had developed ESP. "Where have you been keeping yourself? I tried to call you a few weeks ago and couldn't get through."

"Oh, you know me, I'm full of surprises," Rachel laughed. "I did a 'me' thing again Jen."

"Uh oh." Jenny lifted her eyebrows. "What is it this time? Marry a billionaire? Sell everything and take off for the jungles of Africa? Join the Peace Corps?" Rachel was always doing things no sane person would even consider.

"Something much more boring than that I'm afraid," Rachel explained. "I got a job."

"An upgrade from stable girl or something less than the assistant to the VP of an oil company?" Jenny inquired. Her friend definitely had a range of usable skills. But she got bored easily and often quit a good job to tray something new or for a change of pace.

"Well, actually, it's quite normal," Rachel sounded nervous.

Jenny plopped into a chair. "Alright Rach, I'm sitting down. Spit it out."

"I got hired as a secretary in the Registrar's Office at the Naval Academy." She said it all in a rush.

Jenny frowned. "Which Naval Academy?" She sighed. "Rach, don't tell me you're moving all the way to Florida! We'll never see each other and I won't forgive you this time."

"Chill Jen," her friend laughed. "It's quite close, I promise. I decided to do something crazy and move somewhere I'd actually get to see my best friend once in awhile."

"Wait," Jenny's eyes widened. "You don't mean the Naval Academy here, in Maryland?"

"Yes!" Rachel shrieked, clapping her hands. "Aren't you excited? I just moved in last week and I've been waiting for the right time to surprise you. But my place has been a disaster and I'm only just now getting it organized."

"Wow. I'm definitely surprised. When are you coming over?"

"How's right now sound?" Rachel chuckled. "I'm sitting outside your house Jenny."

"Rachel!" Jenny yelled. "Well, get in here silly woman and let me see you!"

Dropping the phone, Jenny raced for the door, throwing it open. A blur of brunette and colour hit her almost at full speed and the two friends wrapped their arms around each other for a tight hug.

"Gosh, I've missed you Rach," Jenny breathed when she pulled back. "It's so great to see you."

"Ditto," Rachel laughed, trying not to cry. "So, can I come in?"

"Definitely. Coffee?"

"Ugh," Rachel's face wrinkled. "No way. I don't know how you drink that stuff. Tea?" she asked hopefully. "Unless you're stocking lemon-lime Koolaid."

Jenny shook her head. "Only you would still be drinking something ten year olds have out grown. But tea we can find."

"Hey," Rachel shrugged. "What can I say? I have discerning tastes."

"There are other words for it," Jenny said dryly, leading the way into the kitchen.

She ran water into the kettle and got out tea fixings. She and Rachel dressed up their tea the same way, and couldn't possibly drink it unless it was 'perfect'. Rachel leaned on the edge of the counter, watching Jenny. She couldn't be happier to see her college roommate again and even though the two hadn't seen each other in years, Rachel knew something was off with her friend. She waited until they were settled at Jen's kitchen table with hot mugs of tea. Rachel blew on hers and took a cautious sip. Never patient enough, she inevitably burned her tongue.

"So, what's new with you?" she asked slowly.

Jenny couldn't hide the shadow that closed off her eyes. "Oh, umm, you know...just keeping busy with work and all that."

Rachel's eyes narrowed. Jen's eye twitched when she lied, it always had. Playing Truth or Dare in college had gotten way more interesting after Rachel figured out Jenny's tell. "Something going on with you and Jethro?" she asked, trying to make it sound like a normal question instead of a fishing expedition.

Jenny stirred her tea absently and wouldn't look at Rachel. "No, not really. I mean, we have our good and bad days like the rest I suppose, nobody's fault."

"Jennifer Marie," she said in a soft voice, "I know when my best friend is lying to me, even if it's been fifteen years. Now tell me."

The gaze Jenny directed at her friend was so broken and full of pain that Rachel's heart skipped a beat. She reached over to put her hand on Jenny's. She flinched and Rachel began to wonder...and hope she was wrong.

"Do you remember 'the act' from our junior year?" Jenny asked so quietly that Rachel could barely hear her. That's what they'd always called it, 'the act', and it was life before and after. A stupid question really, not that one could ever forget something like that.

Something in Jenny's tone and body language warned Rachel before the words came. She put a hand to her mouth, struggling to hold back the tears that sprang to her eyes, feeling her stomach recoil at the thought.

"Oh Jen," she whispered hoarsely, "no. Not you too."

Jenny nodded slowly. "About three and a half weeks ago."

Rachel's eyes narrowed and expression hardened. "Not Jethro..."

Shock registered in Jenny's face and she shook her head vigorously. "No! Of course not! Rachel, don't think things like that."

"I know he's a great guy and all Jen, but after surviving 'the act' I kind of stopped giving men the benefit of the doubt," Rachel responded darkly. "So, who was it? Someone you knew?"

"No." Jenny closed her eyes and held the bridge of her nose between her fingers, wondering if she really wanted to tell the story one more time. "I was kidnapped and held for forty hours before they found me. And," she laughed to keep from crying, "it's been a really long few weeks."

Rachel was stunned. Once was life altering enough, but to be held for that long, she knew Jenny had been hurt more than just a single time. "Oh hun," she sighed, knowing that now it was her turn to be the friend who walked through the darkest days, just as Jenny had for her in college. "I know it won't fix anything Jen, but can I give you a hug?" Her friend nodded and Rachel got up and held her while she cried.

Everything was in turmoil, but even still Jenny breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, someone who understood. Not a clinical psychologist who tried to have all the answers. Not a hurt and unsure husband who just wanted to fix it. But a friend who had been there and knew what it was like, knew that no words could fix the hurt or replace the innocence that had been lost. Jenny said a silent 'thank you' in her heart for Rachel. Surely God had known she needed her friend today.


	78. Chapter 78

"Hey Boss," Tony asked when Gibbs got back from checking on his wife, "is Je...the Director okay? I saw her leaving a little while ago, she didn't look so good."

Gibbs glared at him and Tony winced, expecting a headslap to tell him it was none of his business. Instead, the man showed a rare moment of emotion and sighed, wishing no one else was around because he knew the other members of the team were listening closely to their conversation.

"I hope so Tony."

"Yeah, me too," he answered as Gibbs went to his desk. Tony cast a worried gaze at his boss.

_I can't even imagine_, he thought, suddenly finding that his eyes had drifted to Ziva. He quickly pulled them away before she had a chance to notice and subsequently murder him for it. Thank God she seemed to believe that everything about Monday night was alcohol induced. _Maybe some of it was_, he reflected. Tony tried never to be that obvious about how drawn he was to Ziva sometimes.

On second thought, it might be worth a shot to be 'undercover obvious'. He sat and watched her out of the corner of his eye for several moments before finally making his decision. He sauntered over to her desk and leaned against the corner.

"Hey Ziva," Tony flashed a grin at her. "You up for a movie night tonight? I got a great new DVD that's going to rock your world."

His partner looked up at her, one graceful eyebrow arched. She knew there was a couple of meanings to the phrase Tony had used and she wondered which one was going through his head right now. Probably better not to know. Still, it would be nice to just spend a night on the couch doing nothing. Ziva leaned back and crossed her arms.

"You will have to feed me first," she said, attitude showing through her words.

Tony looked surprised. "Do you think I would offer a movie night without pizza?" He shook his head. "Ziva, I'm offended."

She rolled her eyes. "You are very easily offended Tony."

"So is that a yes?"

"Did you want to invite the others? Maybe Abby and McGee or Gibbs and Jenny would enjoy a movie night as well?" She was just teasing him. Whenever they had movie nights, it was only ever just them. If Tony wanted the team involved, they made use of the plasma in the bullpen or the large screen in MTAC.

"Ziva," he gave her an impatient look, "you know the boss doesn't watch movies. Heck, sometimes I'm not even sure he knows what they are." He lowered his voice. "The last movie he saw was probably in black and white!"

"Watch it DiNozzo," Gibbs growled from the desk beside Ziva. Tony gulped and looked away.

"And Probie and Ms. Goth probably have," he wiggled his eyebrows, "other plans tonight."

Ziva left his unspoken meaning go untouched. She thought Abby and McGee were sweet together. Tony kept waiting for something inappropriate to happen.

"Fine Tony," she agreed at last, "I will join you for movie night."

"Yes!" Tony pumped his fist in victory.

"Ziva!" McGee complained from across the room. "What did you say yes for? Now he's going to spend tomorrow telling us absolutely every single fact, detail, award, scene and all about each character in whatever movie you watch."

Ziva shrugged at him. "And how is that different from every other day McGee?"

The computer geek paused for a second and nodded. "You have a point there."

Gibbs looked up. "Hate to interrupt your precious social lives, but there's a case to be solved." All three agents snapped to attention. "Do you mind telling me how we could've been wrong?"

Tony frowned. "I don't know Boss. Everything Abby gave us from the car pointed to the guy we brought in."

Gibbs focused his stare at the senior field agent. "I don't want to hear 'I don't know' DiNozzo!"

Ziva stood up and walked around her desk. "So, what? Someone shoots the Petty Officer, then goes to great lengths to frame another man?"

McGee shook his head. "He would've had to set up everything to frame someone before he shot the Petty Officer Ziva. Mitchell lost control of the car when he was shot and ended up in the lake seconds later. No time to plant evidence...unless you're wearing scuba gear."

Tony tossed a ball of crumpled up paper at McGee's desk. "Nice theory McLame."

"You got something better DiNozzo?" the boss demanded.

"Uh...working on it Boss."

"Work faster. I'm going to see Abby again."

Gibbs' phone rang as he was on his way to the back elevator. He stopped in the little alcove beside the stairs. "Yeah, Gibbs."

"Jethro, it's Bill."

Gibbs let himself sag against the wall, closing his eyes. "Bill."

The older man was silent for a moment, perhaps waiting for his friend to speak. "I wanted to see how things were going with you and Jenny since we talked Sunday night."

Gibbs sighed. If that didn't feel like a hundred years ago, so much had happened in the last three days. "We were better. The note and her therapy session helped, I think. And we were talking again. Tuesday was good. But today is back to 'I don't know'."

"Why?" Bill asked.

"Hard to explain." Gibbs rubbed his hand down his face. "She woke up this morning in the same mood she had a couple days after she got back. I know she's trying harder today to let me in, but it's so hard to take everyone's advice about not letting it get personal when she can't have me near her."

Bill held his tongue for the moment, thinking. Nothing he could say would comfort the other man. "Would you like Merry to come over and talk to her sometime? She may not know what Jenny went through, but she's really good at listening."

"Jenny won't even talk to me Bill," Gibbs explained, "thanks though."

"Is she at work today?"

"She was. But something must've happened when she was overseeing a mission, because she wasn't doing that great when I went to check on her. I sent her home to sleep."

"Sleep is supposed to be healing," Bill mentioned. Then he decided a phone conversation wasn't good enough because he couldn't see Gibbs to read him. "Want to go for coffee later?"

Gibbs nodded slowly, even though his friend couldn't see him. "Yeah, I do. Gotta wrap up this case first, might be later."

"Merry won't mind if I leave for awhile tonight. Give me a call Jethro."

"Thanks Bill." Accepting help may not come easy, but having a friend like Bill certainly made it easier.

**NCIS**

"I can't believe I was wrong Gibbs!" Abby had her arms crossed and was pacing back and forth in front of her computers in a frustrated huff. "I gave you everything I found, and it all pointed to that creep you brought in." She faced him, her eyes boring into his. "Are you sure it wasn't him?" Then she shook her head. "Of course you're sure, you're Gibbs, you're right about everything."

Gibbs rubbed Abby's shoulder reassuringly. "Only most of the time Abby."

She wrinkled her nose at him. "What can I do? I've already been back over all the evidence, it's still telling the same story. And I don't have your intimidating presence to make it talk."

Gibbs smiled. Abby always cheered him up, even when she was angry about something. "You need a different perspective."

She shrugged. "I already tried standing on my head. It didn't help and I just got lightheaded."

He handed over a Caf-Pow. "Maybe this will help?"

Abby reached for the drink, finally smiling. "Maybe a little. Thanks Gibbs."

He tweaked one of her braids. "Go over the evidence again..."

"But Gibbs!" Abby protested. He put a finger over her mouth.

"Listen Abby. Go back over the evidence and tell me how else it could've gotten in the car."

Her eyes lit up and Gibbs could see the wheels turning. She threw her arms around his neck, very nearly showering him with Caf-Pow.

"You are a genius Gibbs."

"Nah," he grinned at her, "I leave that title for the professionals." He winked. "Now get to work."

"Yes sir."

"Abby..." She knew he hated the title.

She twirled around and grinned. "Yes Boss."

"Oh great, now you sound like DiNozzo."

She shrugged. "It was bound to happen sooner or later. He infects everybody."

He groaned and shook his head. "Don't remind me. Let me know when you've got something Abs."

"As soon as I know something, you'll know."

He headed for the elevator. "Thanks Abby."

"For you, anything." She smiled at the elevator doors closed. The killer might have gotten past her once, but he wasn't going to get away with it twice. She had a dirtbag to find.

**NCIS**

"What time will Jethro be home?" Rachel asked as she cut up lettuce for a salad. Noemi was taking care of dinner but she and Jenny had insisted on helping with something.

Jenny was slicing vegetables on the cutting board. "It depends. His team got a case this morning. He won't leave the office until they catch the guy who killed a sailor. It could be now and it could be in five hours when he finally makes it home."

"Do you worry about him, when he's out chasing the bad guys?" Rachel asked, reaching for another leaf of lettuce.

"Every day," Jenny admitted, scattering a handful of cucumber pieces into the bowl. "Jethro is one of the best agents we have. He shoots better than the younger guys, even with his nearsightedness; he doesn't hesitate to do what needs to be done; and he can get a confession faster than I can." She shrugged. "But he's still my husband and my worst fear is something happening to him." She looked over at Rachel. "Seven months is too short to make up for the seven years we were apart."

"Nothing will happen to him," Rachel said confidently. "After all, if it did, he'd have to leave you behind, and no guy in his right mind is going to give up you without a fight."

Jenny shook her head. "You're biased."

Her friend shrugged. "Best friends are like that Jen."

"So tell me about this new job," Jenny changed the subject. "When do you start?"

"Monday. But I have to go in early Friday morning and fill out all the paperwork so they can get my ID made up and all the other stuff they need to make me official."

"Where's your apartment?"

"Over in Deanwood."

Jenny raised her eyebrows. "That's a bit of a drive from the Naval Academy Rach."

"I know. But I'd rather be closer to you and have to drive a little further to get to work."

"You're not going to get clingy now that we live in the same area, are you?" Jenny teased.

Rachel shoved her shoulder. "You never know. We do have fifteen years to catch up on."

"I don't think we'll be able to do what we used to in college - talk all night to catch up."

"What? No sleepovers?" Rachel looked shocked.

Jenny laughed. "You're never going to grow up, are you?"

"Where's the fun in that?" Rachel asked, grinning. "You know your life would be boring without me."

"I'm not sure about boring," Jenny said thoughtfully, "but it sure it going to be a lot more interesting with you back in it."

"That's my job, keep life interesting."

"It's good to have you back Rach," Jenny's eyes were serious.

"Someone had to keep you from going crazy." Rachel's words were teasing, but she meant the words literally. They needed each other and Jenny knew it.

Noemi looked over at them and sighed. "You two talk more than Marisol and her friends. Are you ever going to finish my salad Senoras?"

Jenny and Rachel looked at each other and laughed, then quickly focused back on their task.


	79. Chapter 79

Rachel and Jenny sat at the kitchen table, eating their dinner. Noemi had gone home to make a meal for herself and her daughter. And while Rachel was enjoying the creamy fettuccine alfredo with chicken and peppers, Jenny was more occupied in pushing it around on her plate and only sampled it with the occasional bite.

Rachel kept an eye on her friend, noting the faraway look in her eyes as Jenny tried to pay attention to the story she was telling.

"It wasn't the first time I've gotten stepped on by a horse," Rachel finished, smiling, "but it was the last time I defied orders and wore running shoes. My boots have a much harder top. But I guess two broken toes and having to hobble for a couple weeks while they healed is a good enough lesson."

"You always did do things the hard way," Jenny commented, pushing her plate away and reaching for her glass of water.

Rachel took another bite, chewed it slowly and finally swallowed. "How long since you've eaten a full meal Jen?"

Jenny jostled her water glass and nearly spilled it. Her eyes pleaded with her friend. "Please Rach, can you just be the only person in my life right now who does not make a big deal about my eating habits or lack thereof?"

Rachel took a drink. "I could," she considered, "if I didn't care about you."

Jenny looked up, fire in her eyes. "That's what everyone is saying."

"Yeah, but you forget," Rachel said softly, "I've been there."

The fired died out of Jenny's eyes and she dropped her head. "I know."

"Don't you remember dragging me to the cafeteria, practically force feeding me cereal and toast in our room, that huge fight we had one night because you didn't understand I couldn't explain how I felt?"

Jenny nodded wearily, blurry images of that first six months dragging themselves up from the bottom of her mind. "I remember."

"So how long?"

"You know how long Rach. I've only eaten a few bites at every meal since the day I got back from that..." she paused, finishing quieter, "from that place."

"What's it feel like?"

Jenny frowned. "What does what feel like?"

"Your stomach, when you try to eat?"

"Half the time it feels like I'm going to throw up," Jenny admitted. "Remember when I ate some bad shellfish our first year?"

Rachel laughed gently. "You were sick for three days."

"Gotta love spending some quality time sleeping on the bathroom floor and spilling your guts into the porcelain every time you so much as twitch."

Her friend let the mirth die away a little. "Is that why you're not eating?"

"It's not even that I don't want to eat Rach. Sometimes Noemi will make something that smells wonderful, or Jethro will order Chinese, and it tastes good." She rolled her eyes. "For the first three seconds. As soon as it hits my stomach, it starts churning and I get that awful feeling like I'm going to throw up. I hate that. So of course I don't want to eat any more."

"Are you hungry?"

Jenny shrugged. "I don't know. I know I should be, I know this isn't good for me, I know Jethro worries when he can see how little I'm eating. But I don't know what to do to fix it." She looked up at Rachel. "How long was it before you wanted to eat?"

"After the first couple weeks, maybe a little longer, food started sounding good again. But I wasn't just not eating because my stomach was upset Jen, in some way I thought I could punish myself for what happened by withholding food."

Jenny drew her brows together and looked at her friend questioningly. "Rach...I didn't know that."

She shrugged. "I couldn't tell you. You didn't think it was my fault. It was all I could do to talk you out of trying to go after the guy who did it."

Jenny didn't like the insight she was getting. "Do you still think it was your fault?"

Rachel shook her head. "No, not anymore. Not after getting help." She looked into Jenny's eyes. "Are you talking to someone Jen?"

"You mean besides my wonderful husband?"

"Yes, besides him."

Jenny shrugged one shoulder. "Forced therapy comes with the territory of being part of a law enforcement agency. But Dr. Renway, talking to her has helped. Both Jethro and I have been to see her. I think we've learned some things."

"That's good," Rachel nodded. "I didn't get help for a long time because I didn't think I needed it, I thought I could handle everything on my own. So I did, but I did it badly."

"You never really talked about it Rach, what happened. You talked about the feelings: angry, guilty, shame, more angry, afraid. But you never talked about it."

Rachel's half-smile rested on her lips. "Talking about it would have made it too real Jen. I couldn't say it out loud. I didn't want it to be me this had happened to. But it was all still in my head, and no matter what I did, nothing made it go away. Thankfully, that was back in the day when I still journalled compulsively. Whenever I wasn't in class or you weren't with me, trying to make me feel better, trying to do something that would help, it would be me with my notebook and a pen. I wrote down everything: every detail, every moment, every memory, how I felt. Everything got poured out onto those pages."

"I remember how sometimes you would just curl up on your bed and write until I thought your hand must be ready to fall off."

"It was either a sore hand or the loss of my sanity Jenny, so I took the sore hand. Though I guess some might argue that I still don't have all my sanity."

The two friends exchanged smiles.

"Do you still have the journal Rach?"

Rachel shook her head and looked out the window. "I burned it several years ago, when I knew that I'd gotten to the point where my life didn't revolve around 'the act' anymore. When it was me, living my life, doing what I want to do, things I love, and not being afraid of it or feeling guilty, I knew I didn't need it anymore."

"How long did it take?"

"What?"

"To feel okay again?"

Rachel regarded her old roommate carefully. "To feel okay? A year, maybe more than that. But to feel normal again Jen?" She paused, letting Jenny take in her words. "A long time. Three years before it wasn't constantly intruding on my thoughts, five until I felt safe going out and wasn't constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for something bad to happen. It's not something that happens all at once."

Jenny looked down, drawing invisible patterns on the table with her fingernail. "And I'm not even at three weeks yet. Great."

"Jenny," Rachel put her hand over Jenny's, "just because that's how I healed doesn't mean your life will follow the same pattern. You have several things I didn't when 'the act' happened."

Jenny's tired eyes held hers. "Like what?"

Rachel tilted her head to the side, her expression sympathetic. "Like a husband who loves me, like a stable home, like a job that I was good at where I could take back some of the control I'd lost, like a therapist who can make me talk...lots of things Jen."

"What did you have Rachel?" Jenny asked, wondering how she fit in.

"You should know the answer to that one Jen. I had the same thing you have now, a best friend who loved me enough not to go anywhere. It took me a long time to come back Jenny, but this time you're stuck with me."

Jenny rolled her eyes in pretend sarcasm. "Goody."

"Come on Jen," Rachel stood up, "let's get these dishes done so Noemi doesn't have to worry about them tomorrow."

"I do own a dishwasher, you know," Jenny pointed out in mild protest.

"Jen," Rachel said, resting a hand on one hip, "I know you have a dish washing phobia. But contrary to popular belief, washing your own dishes does not cause rashes, hives, or permanently wrinkled fingertips. Now, wash or dry?"

"Dry," Jenny said immediately, not losing her chance this time. Jethro had beat her to it when they did dishes.

"Of course, should've known. I always did our dishes at school too."

"Hey, I helped!" Jenny put in.

"Yeah, you bought paper plates so there was nothing to wash after."

"I thought it was a great idea."

"Mmhmm," Rachel said, not believing a word of it. "I will see you wash dishes one of these days Jen Shepard," Jenny raised an eyebrow at her, "excuse me," Rachel corrected with a smile, "Jenny Gibbs, if it's the last thing I do."

"Rachel, you have no idea how many ways I can get out of washing dishes. I have a list."

"Yeah," Rachel smirked, "I'm sure you do. But just remember one thing Jen."

"What's that?"

"I am just as stubborn as you."

Jenny smiled at her friend and started drying plates. It sure was good to have Rachel back in her life. She might even help get Jenny through this with most of her sanity in tact.

**NCIS**

It was 1930. One hour since Abby had called.

"_Gibbs, Gibbs, Gibbs, I figured it out!"_

_He smiled into the phone. "Figured what out Abs?"_

_She grinned and he could hear it. "How the evidence we used got in the Petty Officer's car."_

"_I'll be right now," he promised, heading for the nearest elevator._

Armed with new information, the team set to work tracking down the real killer. Luckily for them, the guy had gotten cocky, thinking he'd pulled off the ultimate cover up. When they walked into his place of work, guns drawn and announcing themselves as federal agents, the look on his face made Tony wish he'd brought a camera. Team Gibbs now sat contentedly in the squadroom, all involved in writing their reports. They each had separate plans tonight and all wanted to get through their paperwork so they could go enjoy, or at the very least attend to, said plans.

Ziva was the first one to drop her report folder on Gibbs' desk. "I am all over my report Gibbs."

Tony didn't look up. "'All through' with your report Ziva."

She rolled her eyes in his direction. "You know what I mean. It is finished." She turned back to gather her stuff. "Shall I meet you later for movie night?"

This time Tony looked up. "I'm almost done Ziva, like...one more page. Can't you just...sharpen your knife or something? It makes more sense to leave together."

Ziva sighed and dropped into her chair. "Fine Tony. I will wait. But patience is not my strong suit." She reached for the drawer that held her knives.

"No sharp objects," Gibbs said from one desk over.

She slanted her eyes at him. "What if I sharpen my pencils? Are they allowed?"

Gibbs looked up, considering. "What are you going to do with them? I will not have any blood spilled in this squadroom." He focused back on his scrawled report. "Maintenance hates trying to get stains out of the carpet."

Ziva was already twirling a dull pencil. "I promise not to use Tony for target practice...tonight," she added, in case it was necessary at a later date. She really didn't want to hurt Tony anymore, she just enjoyed watching him flinch whenever she threatened bodily harm.

"I am hiding all the pencils when we get to my place," he said grumbling.

"Tony, do you even own pencils?" McGee inquired from across the room.

"Back off McFlower Power," Tony shot at him.

For once McGee ignored the jab. "Got mine done too Boss." He set his report on the corner of Gibbs' desk. Grabbing his backpack he turned around. "'Night all."

"Good night McGee," Ziva answered, while Gibbs grunted and Tony leered after him.

"I wonder where he's going?" Tony said suggestively. They all knew he was going to see Abby.

"Tony, if you mind your own business for once, you might actually get your report done before I get bored and leave!"

"Okay, okay. Sheesh, impatient," he said, pronouncing the word slowly. "I'm almost done."

"You have ten minutes Tony, I'm timing you."

"Don't have a cow Ziva, I'll finish it."

Ziva frowned. "Why would I have a cow, Tony? Don't most women have babies?"

His eyebrows lifted. "Are you saying you want to have a baby Ziva?"

"Tony that is not what I said!" Ziva was beginning to take back her thought about not wanting to hurt him.

"Well that's what I heard," he countered.

"Get your ears cleaned!" she shot back.

"Enough already!" Gibbs bellowed. "Both of you shut up! DiNozzo, I want that report on my desk in five minutes or you stay here and organize old case files in alphabetical order by crime until even the Director is satisfied. Am I clear?"

"Crystal, Boss," Tony choked out, re-doubling his efforts.

Ziva just propped her feet up on a drawer and began sharpening pencils, watching him from under her eyelashes. Some people never learn.


	80. Chapter 80

McGee was whistling when he got off the elevator at Abby's lab, but the sound died on his lips when he walked in the room. Her music, normally at an ear drum shattering volume, was toned down to a dull roar. Computer screens still flashed pictures and formulas, and her machines hadn't been shut down for the night. Walking deeper into the lab, McGee tried to put eyes on his missing girlfriend.

"Abby?" he called, but no perky voice answered him from the ballistics lab or any other corner of her main lab.

Curious now, he dropped his stuff at the door and headed for her office. The doors swooshed open and Tim had to smile. There, sitting at her desk with her head laying on her arms, was one very soundly asleep Abigail Scuito. For a moment, McGee leaned against the doorway and watched her. She must've fallen asleep after giving the new information to Gibbs, not enough Caf-Pows today perhaps. Usually she was bouncy right up until most normal people were really wanting to sleep. Sometimes that included him, sometimes not. It really depended on what they were doing.

Stepping inside the door, Tim put his hand lightly on Abby's shoulder and shook it gently. She stirred and groaned, turning her head away. He chuckled.

"Abby," he said softly. "Abbs?"

Reluctantly, Abby rolled her head back to the other side and opened one eye to look at him. "Mmm...what do you want McGee? You interrupted a really nice dream."

"Was I in it?" he asked with a smile.

"No actually. But I got this really nice new high powered microscope for my lab..." she trailed off and looked around. "I'm still in my lab."

"You fell asleep," he informed her, stating the obvious.

Abby glared at the stuffed hippo sitting innocently on the other side of her desk. "Bert! Why didn't you wake me?" She yawned. "I didn't want to be sleepy yet."

"We didn't get off the phone until 2:30 am Abbs, and I bet you didn't go to bed right away either." She made a face, which he took as a yes. "It's no wonder you're tired. Here," he offered his hand, "let me walk you to your car."

Abby grinned at him with a mischievous glint in her eye. "My home or your home?"

"Since you're going to be sleeping, I think your home is a good idea."

She took his hand and stood up. "It was worth asking about."

Not taking the bait, Tim instead relieved Abby of her lab coat so she could put on her black overcoat. Lacing his fingers with hers, he walked with her to the elevator. She was trying not to look tired but he could see the yawns she was stifling and how her eyes weren't quite focused.

When they exited into the garage, Abby made a move towards her car, parked a few spaces away from him, but McGee didn't let go of her hand.

"It will be kind of hard to drive if you keep holding onto me like that," she teased.

He tugged her back towards him. "I'll drive you home Abbs." He smiled. "It gives me an excuse to pick you up for work tomorrow. I like seeing you first thing in the morning, before we get to work."

"You know, you could see me in the morning if you stayed over," she said seductively.

"Stop testing my self-control lady, we both agreed to wait." McGee frowned at his misbehaving girlfriend.

"Yeah, but you're just so fun to flirt with Tim," Abby smiled.

"Flirting with me is one thing Abby, tempting me is another. No fair getting the two mixed up."

Abby sighed. "Fine. But you do take the fun out of everything McGee." She smiled as she said it though, so Tim knew she wasn't really upset.

He opened the car door for her and shut it once she slid in. At one of the red lights on the way to her apartment, Abby surprised McGee by leaning over and kissing him on the cheek.

"What was that for?" he looked over at her.

Abby shrugged. "I just like having you for my boyfriend."

"Good," Tim smiled, feeling happy about being with her. He shot a glance at her. "Not that I'm complaining...but is that all I get?"

Abby laughed. "I'll kiss you properly when you're not driving."

They arrived at her building not too many minutes later and like a good gentleman, Tim walked Abby upstairs to her door. Before she put the key in the lock, Abby turned around and settled her arms around McGee's neck, drawing him down for a kiss. Tim pulled her closer and parted his lips slightly, deepening the kiss. When Abby finally pulled back, McGee was tempted not to let her go at all. But they both had to work tomorrow, it was probably better to just say goodnight here. Before he could say the words though, Abby put her finger over his lips.

"Don't say it yet Timmy. Come in and talk to me for a little while. I've barely even seen you today."

"Did you miss me Abby?" he wanted to know.

She unlocked the door and threw a glance back over her shoulder. "Maybe...just a little." Tim stood at the door, undecided. "I've got chocolate chip cookies," Abby wheedled. "We can warm them up, have a late dessert."

Tim had to smile. Abby and her sweets. "Maybe I can stay...because you have cookies and all."

"Is that the only reason?" she looked at him with arched eyebrows.

He caught up with her and put his arms around her. "'Course not. What guy in his right mind would give up a chance to spend a little more time with someone as amazing as you Abby?"

She kissed him again, just for being sweet. "McGee," she borrowing a line from a movie she barely remembered, "you say the nicest things."

**NCIS**

"Finally!" Tony burst out when they emerged from the building. "I thought we'd never get out of there!"

Ziva glared at him. "You are the one who can't stop talking long enough to finish your report."

Tony's eyes twinkled. "The wait's going to be worth it Ziva. Tonight is a night you will never forget." Her raised eyebrow asked the question and Tony decided to play innocent about the meaning, otherwise she would never come over and they wouldn't get as far as movie night. "Tonight we will be exploring one of the greatest musicals of all time -_ West Side Story_."

Ziva crossed her arms. "A story about the west side of what?"

"Ziva," Tony rolled his eyes, "I can't explain it to you, you're just going to have to watch it for yourself." He tugged at her sleeve. "Now come on. I called in the pizza before we left, we can pick it up on the way to my place."

"What is this 'we' you keep saying Tony?" Ziva questioned. "I am driving my own car."

Tony shrugged. "Suit yourself. I mean, we could always turn this into a sleepover, it would be way more fun and -" He ducked to avoid getting hit with Ziva's backpack. "Alright already, I get the message. No sleepover. Just follow me back."

"I know where your apartment is," Ziva informed him.

"Yeah, I know, I'm just...being a gentleman. Yeah, that's it!" Tony grinned.

"Tony, you would not know a gentleman if he held the door for you. Now let us go."

"You know, it wouldn't kill you to use a contraction every now and then."

Ziva's forehead wrinkled. "Contraption? What is a contraption?"

"No," Tony explained, "contraction. You know, like: let's, I'm, what's, you're, can't...stuff like that."

She waved her hand as if it was unimportant. "I did not ask you to be my grahaming teacher."

Tony sighed. "It's 'grammar' teacher Ziva." Then he shook his head. It was hopeless. "Never mind, let's just go. The pizza will be ready any minute now."

"I will see you there," Ziva said as she headed towards her parking spot.

Forty-five minutes later they were kicked back on Tony's couch, eating slices of extra cheesy pizza, totally absorbed in the story of two rival gangs from the streets of Manhattan.

"See, see," Tony elbowed Ziva, "the best friend's name is Tony."

Ziva shrugged. "It is a popular name."

"Come on," Tony argued, "of all the movies we could've watched tonight, we just happen to watch one where a character is name Tony? What are the odds of that?"

"Tony, you picked the movie. And odds are McGee's specialty, not mine."

"But don't you think it would be nice to have a best friend named Tony?" he persisted.

"Tony!" Ziva raised her voice in frustration. "My best friend's name was not Tony, we do not have that name in Hebrew. Now will you be quiet? I am trying to watch."

Tony absorbed what she said. Ziva rarely talked about her past, so it was unexpected to learn something about when she lived in Israel.

"What was your best friend's name?" he asked more seriously.

Ziva's eyes darted to his. She hadn't meant to say anything, it just kind of came out. "Never mind." She turned her eyes back to the TV screen.

"It's a simple question Ziva."

"One to which you are not getting the answer Tony. Drip it."

"'Drop it'." He corrected, pretty sure this wasn't the right time. "Why can't you just tell me?"

"Because I do not want to! It's...nobody's business." Ziva frowned, wondering if this was going to lead to a fight that had her walking out the door in a few minutes. It wouldn't be the first time, but she didn't want to fight anymore.

The air was charged with tension as Ziva kept her eyes glued to the TV screen and Tony kept his eyes on Ziva, watching her facial expression and body language. Finally he turned his attention back to the movie, deciding that this particular topic could wait for another night. Still, it would be nice if she trusted him enough to talk about stuff from her past.

"Watch this next scene Ziva, it's really important."

Ziva glanced over at her partner, thankful that he'd let it go. She shoved her shoulder lightly. "You are hogging my cushion."

Tony glanced down and saw how close they were sitting. "Oh, sorry." But he made no move to slide away.

Ziva watched him for a moment, then settled back into the sofa cushions to enjoy the movie.

Three hours later Tony and Ziva could be found sprawled on the couch, both asleep. It was just after midnight. Slowly Ziva stirred and opened her eyes, wondering why she was in such an odd position. She looked around and recognized the decor in Tony's apartment. Sitting up suddenly, she glanced at the clock. The TV screen was still playing the DVD menu, although the sound appeared to be muted.

To her left, Tony sat slumped over against the arm of the couch, his mouth hanging open a little as he slept. Ziva shook her head. There was no way she was going to let Tony wake up and find that she'd fallen asleep on his couch. Normally she made it through movie nights just fine. But it had been a long day and the movie ran longer than she'd anticipated and she had to admit, Tony had a very comfortable couch.

Using all of her stealth skills, Ziva managed to extract herself from the soft cushions of the couch and tiptoe across the room. She put on her shoes, grabbed her coat and exited the room without causing Tony to so much as stir. He'd probably be surprised and confused when he awoke, but that was better than what he would think if they woke up in the same room. Ziva slid her hand into her pocket and came up with the extra key Tony had given her several months ago, after he'd managed to lock himself out of his apartment and showed up at hers, soaking wet, having braving a rainstorm to find somewhere to stay.

She locked the door and hurried to her car. It wasn't far between her place and Tony's, only about a ten minute drive. The whole way there Ziva berated herself for letting this happen. Her relationship with Tony was too volatile already to let anything else happen between them. This was not happening again. Next time she would find a reason to be busy on movie night and would try not to notice Tony's hurt expression that assumed she was avoiding him for some reason. He may be a class clown, and a barely grown up guy who thought he was still in college, but when someone needed him, Tony was who you wanted watching your back. People who got close to Ziva always got hurt in the end, and she didn't want that to happen to Tony.

The clock showed one o'clock by the time Ziva slipped between the cold sheets in her bedroom. She was not going to make it up for her 0500 run tomorrow morning. And it was all Tony's fault.


	81. Chapter 81

After dinner and dishes and a tour of the house, Rachel and Jenny had curled up on one of the couches in the livingroom with mugs of hot chocolate cradled in their hands, and talked like two girls who were back in college. They shared stories and memories, laughed about things that had happened, and played catch up with each other's lives - everything they hadn't gotten from occasional letters and emails and phone calls.

Jenny laughed. "I was so mad at you for getting almost perfect on that exam. You'd barely studied at all the week before hand. I crammed my butt off just to the high mark I was used to." She shook her head. "No fair having a best friend with a photographic memory."

Rachel winced and shrugged. "I know a few people that hated me that semester. But it's not like I can help it. Blame my dad, that's who I got it from."

"How are your parents?" Jenny inquired.

"They're doing well. Dad retired a few years ago, though it was a struggle to talk him into it. The man would have worked until he was 85, not 65, if he had any say. And Mom is still involved in the women's group at church and keeping busy. She's getting excited though, finally having a grandbaby on the way."

"That's so exciting!" Jenny exclaimed. "Aunt Rachel, that should be fun."

Rachel smiled. "I know. Who would've thought my baby brother would get all grown up enough to have his own baby? But I feel badly for Melissa. It's been a hard pregnancy for her. She just wants it to be over with."

Jenny tried not to react as they talked about babies. Sure, once she'd dreamed about a life that included the normal family things, but then NCIS had happened and she'd gotten caught up in the climb to the top. She'd pretty much given up any dreams of motherhood, even when she and Jethro had gotten married. Gibbs never really talked about Kelly or Shannon that much. Jenny knew he was trying to protect her from his memories, but still, she wondered what he had been like as a father.

Early on in their marriage, Jenny had harboured a secret hope that perhaps she would get pregnant and they would be able to share that experience together. Protection was never really something they'd worried about that much anyway. But it was seven months later and nothing had happened and Jenny's cycle had been as regular as always. So she finally gave up hoping and just enjoyed being with her husband. A wistful look crossed her face, wondering when she would be able to get back to that point.

"What are you thinking about Jen?" Rachel asked, noticing the expression on her friends face.

Jenny sighed. "It has been hard to be going through this while I'm married Rach. Jethro and I," she shrugged, "we so much enjoy the 'perks' of being married, as you call them. But I can't...not yet...I don't even know how to feel about it."

"I know Jen. Well," she amended, "I know what it's like to have those thoughts in general, but I don't know what it's like to remember when being intimate was something I enjoyed."

Jenny shook her head. "I can't imagine what it would be like, to have that experience as your first time. I'm sorry Rachel."

"Don't be," Rachel smiled slightly, "I've made my peace with it. And hey, maybe someday the right guy will come along and show me that intimacy can be a good thing. Who knows?"

Jenny nodded. She glanced at the clock. It was pushing towards nine o'clock. "Hey Rach," she began, "I know I said we probably couldn't do sleepovers anymore, but since this is the first time I've seen you in way too long, would you like to stay over tonight? We have a guest room and that way you can stay a bit later tonight and have breakfast with us in the morning."

Rachel's face lit up. "I never say no to sleepovers and free food," she grinned. "But umm...what time is breakfast?"

Jenny chuckled. "0645. That's a quarter to seven in the morning for you non-military types."

"I do actually understand military time Jen," Rachel rolled her eyes. "And I'm going to have to start speaking it again if I'm working at the Naval Academy. What time do you guys leave for work?"

"Usually by 0710, we like to be at work early."

"Well, maybe I'll just go home for the day and try to finish putting my apartment in order. Or sleep more," Rachel added. She had never been a morning person.

"Okay," Jenny agreed. "Come back for supper again tomorrow night? Maybe Jethro won't be working and we can all eat together. I'd like for you to get to know him."

"I'd like that too," Rachel smiled. "I know it's a little late now, but I want to make sure he's good enough for my best friend."

"I don't think that's going to be a problem," Jenny said softly.

When Rachel looked into her eyes, she saw the love Jenny had for her husband. "That good, huh?"

"He's loved me through more than you have ever heard about Rachel. I wouldn't trade him for anything in the world."

"I guess you learned that lesson already."

Jenny nodded. "It was one I only needed to learn once. Well, once and a bit, I guess."

She reflected on her early days at NCIS and how hard she had tried to prove to herself and everyone else, including Jethro, that she could do this job. It meant that she'd turned down an opportunity to, at the very least, be friends with her old partner, when she'd declared very firmly that there would be no 'off the job'. Not one of her finest moments, Jenny thought, after Jethro had let his guard down enough to say he missed her.

She hadn't been ready to admit that she missed him too and had thought about him often since Paris. It had been a year before she'd gotten another chance. Jenny would be forever grateful that Gibbs had come back, even if, in the beginning, it had only been because Ziva needed saving. Those four months had been some of the longest days of her life, fingering the picture he'd left of her in Serbia, remembering their time together.

"Jenny?" Rachel waved her hand in front of her friend's face.

"Hmm?" Jenny looked up. "Oh, sorry."

Rachel laughed. "I think I lost you somewhere."

"Just remembering," Jenny smiled.

"Tell me?" Rachel asked hopefully.

"Well..." Jenny hesitated, then decided it would be nice to talk about it. "Did I ever tell you about when Jethro and I were on assignment in Paris?"

"Paris? The City of Love?" Rachel's eyebrows rose. "Do tell Jen."

"We were undercover in this tiny attic apartment, doing surveillance on our target..."

The minutes flashed by as Jenny took Rachel back to Paris, to the summer she and Jethro had fallen in love.

**NCIS**

Bill and Gibbs exited the coffee shop, causing the little bell above the door to jingle again. Darkness had long since encompassed the city, but the streetlights made it easy to see everything. Bill pointed down the block and Gibbs nodded, falling into step beside his friend. They walked in silence for several minutes before Bill broke it to ask a question.

"Have you talked to Jenny yet?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Not since I was in her office. At first I didn't want to wake her. Then I got caught up in the case." He shrugged. "Noemi will tell her I've been by."

The other man took a sip of his coffee, careful to his tone. "You have to deliver your own messages Jethro. A second hand story is never as good as hearing it from the source."

Gibbs considered this. "I miss what we used to be. A month ago we were happy, we were great together. What if things are never the way they were?"

Bill changed tactics. "If Jenny was in an accident and got amnesia so that she couldn't remember you or being married or the love the two of you share, would you stop loving her?"

Gibbs frowned. "Of course not. An accident can't be helped. And if I kept loving her and being there for her, she'd eventually remember."

Bill didn't say anything else while Gibbs absorbed his meaning.

"You're saying that's the same thing," Gibbs realized after a minute.

"It's no different," Bill replied. "You and Jenny love each other and you've built a strong foundation for your lives together. But something happened that she couldn't help and now nothing is the same. Just like an amnesia patient though, if you keep loving her and being there for her, she will eventually remember that she can trust you. And when the trauma of this event is no longer constantly on her mind, Jenny will want back the life you had together just as much as you do."

It was Gibbs turn to be quiet for awhile. At last he finished his coffee and tossed the cup into a garbage can they passed.

"It's just hard to wait for that moment," Gibbs shared the truth.

"I'm sure it is Gunny. But I know you love her and I also know your patience will be worth it. Just approach Jenny with an open heart and be ready to fight for her if need be."

They finally made it back to where they'd parked their cars.

"Thanks for the coffee Bill. Tell Merry I appreciate her letting me borrow you for awhile."

Bill laughed. "Anything to keep me out of her kitchen while she's baking Jethro."

Gibbs was envious of Bill and Meredith's life together, he could tell his friend loved his wife deeply. "Someday you're going to have to share some of those happy marriage secrets," he told Bill.

The older man smiled. "Glad to Jethro. But give it a few years. I guarantee you will discover your own secrets for what works. Happiness is something you make together."

"Something to look forward to," Gibbs said quietly, getting into his car.

**NCIS**

When Gibbs got home, he was surprised to see an unfamiliar car parked in front of the house. He unlocked the door.

"Jenny?" he called.

"In the livingroom," she answered.

Taking off his coat and slipping out of his shoes, Gibbs walked towards the sound of his wife's voice. He entered the room, to find another woman sitting on the couch with Jenny. They both stood.

"Jethro," Jenny offered him a tentative smile and he could see in her eyes that how she'd felt this morning still stood between them, "I would like you to meet Rachel Wayne, my best friend from college."

Gibbs offered his hand.

"Jethro," Rachel smiled, gripping his hand firmly.

Gibbs could tell a lot about a person from their handshake. Rachel was confident, meeting his eyes and not acting nervous at all. He liked her already.

"So," he settled on the couch opposite them, "I finally get to meet this Rachel I've heard about. In town for a visit?" Gibbs asked flicking his eyes to his wife. He knew Jenny and Rachel had been trying to get together for some time now. But he thought Jenny would've said something if they'd finally managed to work it out.

"Well, no actually," Rachel explained. "I got a job at the Naval Academy and just moved here a couple weeks ago." She nudged Jenny. "Hard to say no to the opportunity to be closer to my old roommate."

Gibbs raised his eyebrows. "I'm sure you could tell some interesting stories about Jen in college."

Rachel nodded, mischief in her eyes. "I've got an interesting collection to draw from." Jenny elbowed her in the ribs and she shifted. "But if I don't want to fall out of favour when I just got here, that'll have to wait for some other time." Rachel glared at Jenny. "Like when your lovely wife isn't sitting right beside me."

"How interesting?" Gibbs asked, intrigued.

"Alright you two," Jen said, standing up, beginning to feel ganged up on, "new topic of conversation. If you'll excuse me for a minute," she looked back and forth between her best friend and husband, "behave."

Both immediately put on innocent looks that didn't fool Jenny at all. She was apprehensive about leaving them alone, but drinking liquid had it's consequences and she couldn't ignore it anymore.

As soon as Jenny was out of the room, Rachel turned back to Gibbs, not shy in the least.

"Jenny and I were just enjoying some hot chocolate Jethro, would you like some?" she offered.

He held up a hand. "I just had some coffee, thank you."

Rachel made a face. "Ugh. You drink that stuff too? Were you the one that got Jen hooked on it?"

Gibbs smiled. "Guilty. Comes from being partners I guess."

Rachel crossed her arms and glared at him. "It took me our whole first year of college to convert Jen to tea you know."

"Ahh..." he understood. "So you're the reason it takes her five minutes just to get it drinkable?"

Rachel laughed. "Okay, guilty on that one."

Gibbs sniffed the air. "What did you ladies have for supper?"

She smiled. "I am so going to steal Noemi away from you guys. Her fettuccine alfredo is amazing."

Gibbs wasn't sure if he should ask, but he had a feeling Rachel would've noticed. "Did Jen eat?" he finally managed.

Rachel looked away and was silent for a moment. "She pretended to," the woman answered at last.

Gibbs leaned forward. "Did you say anything?" He wondered if Jenny's best friend could get away with comments even he wasn't allowed to make.

She nodded. "We talked about it a little." She held his eyes. "But I have to tell you Jethro, I've been where Jenny is, so I understand probably better than anyone else."

He didn't understand at first. "You've been where Jen is..." then it hit him and he didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry."

Rachel shrugged. "It was a long time ago and I've dealt with it. But I remember when the very thought of food would turn my stomach."

"What can I do?" Gibbs asked, hoping for some insight.

Rachel's eyes were sad. "Be patient with her, encourage without pushing...but there's nothing you can do to fix it. It's something she will have to get through on her own."

Now he had to know. "Does life ever get normal again?"


	82. Chapter 82

Rachel was finding it interesting that they were both asking the same questions. "It does," she said slowly, "but nothing like this," she snapped her fingers. "For a long time it's hour by hour, then day by day, then finally you can count in weeks and months." She paused, looking down at her hands. "Jenny was there for me when I needed her, now it's my turn. I hope you...don't mind having me around."

Although Gibbs found it different to have a friend of Jenny's here when they usually just had each other, he shook his head. "No. She needs someone else to talk to." He sighed. "Jen can't always tell me things."

"She will Jethro," Rachel said softly, "just give her time."

He nodded and then Jenny walked back into the room.

"What did I miss?"

Gibbs shrugged.

"Nothing," Rachel said, brightening, "just getting to know each other."

To Jenny that meant trouble but she didn't say anything. Instead she leaned against the doorframe. "I invited Rachel to stay overnight so we could have some extra time to catch up. I hope that's okay," she added lamely, since it was already decided. "The guest room is already made up."

If her announcement surprised her husband, he didn't show it. "That sounds like a good idea." He directed his gaze to Rachel. "Are you staying for breakfast? Noemi makes a killer quiche."

Rachel laughed. "Despite the insanely early hour Jen quoted me for breakfast, I promise to be at the table and awake at 0645. Coherent?" she shrugged. "No guarantees."

Jen looked at the clock. "It's probably time we at least head to bed. As my mom always told me, tomorrow is going to come early." She eyed her husband, wondering if they would talk tonight or just go to sleep, still confused and lonely. "Come with me Rach, I'll get you a couple extra pillows and set out towel in case you feel like showering in the morning."

Rachel joined Jenny and Gibbs stood up. "Why don't the two of you share our room tonight?" he offered. "I'm sure I'll be fine to sleep one night in the guest room."

"If that's okay with you Jen," Rachel said, "it works for me. More time to talk," she grinned.

Gibbs assumed the sudden change in Jenny's expression had something to do with a bad memory. "Sure," she agreed, leading the way up the stairs while Gibbs turned off lights and set the alarm.

At the top of the stairs she looked back at her husband. "Good night Jethro," but made no move to go to him.

"Sweet dreams ladies," he said, before turning into the room next to his and Jenny's.

As they got ready for bed, Jenny's mind was spinning. She couldn't stop thinking about Jethro's willingness to give up his place in their bed to Rachel. It seemed like just a nice gesture, but what if it was more than that? The whole time they'd been married, even when they weren't exactly getting along, she and Jethro still always, always! slept in the same room. Did that mean things were much worse between them than she thought?

Jenny knew she'd been distant earlier, but not wanting to be touched did not mean she didn't still love her husband! Couldn't he see that she was trying? Jenny fought back the tears, lest Rachel notice and ask her about the cause. This she definitely didn't want to talk about. It hurt too much.

Even after she and Rachel had stayed up late talking and sometimes giggling like little schoolgirls instead of grown women, Jenny couldn't shake the hurt and concern she felt, wondering what was wrong between her and her husband and how bad it was. And while she loved having Rachel around, it was so nice to spend time with her again, tonight what Jenny really missed was Jethro beside her in their bed.

**NCIS**

Gibbs shifted on the guest room double bed. The mattress was comfortable enough he supposed, but he'd gotten very used to having Jenny in his bed. Even if they were just sleeping, he liked to open his eyes at night and see her there, where for so many years there had only been an empty space.

He didn't regret his offer to let Jen and Rachel share their bedroom. He was glad Jen finally had someone else she could hopefully talk to, someone who would understand what she was going through in a way Gibbs never could. Still, he missed her body beside him, the scent of her hair strewn over their pillows, her subtle warmth as they slept close. Maybe it would be incentive to dream about her, Gibbs smiled.

Tomorrow was another of Jenny's sessions with Kristyn. He really hoped that would help Jenny with what she was feeling today. Gibbs really wanted just to be able to hold her again. Being deprived of all touch...that was far worse than just the little he'd had before. Maybe after her session they'd actually get to talk.

The only thing worse than missing his wife when she was just down the hall, was missing her when she was standing right beside him. Gibbs rolled over, trying to find a comfortable position. Right now he just wanted to sleep.

**NCIS**

Tony woke up, still groggy, when his phone rang. He reached for his cell on the nightstand, but the nightstand wasn't there. It took supreme effort to pry his eyelids open, but then he was still very confused as to why he was sleeping on his livingroom couch.

The phone rang again, the incessant noise irritating to Tony's barely coherent brain. Scanning the room, his eyes fell on the phone which lay on the coffee table. Reaching for it with clumsy hands, Tony finally managed to hit the right button.

"H'lo?" he mumbled.

"Tony!" the voice on the other end hissed. "It's McGee."

"Yeah," Tony's voice was working better now, his mind finally on enough to come up with an insult, "kinda noticed that McInterruption. What do you want?"

"It's 0705 Tony. Gibbs will be here in 25 minutes, so you better beat him here!"

"What happened to my alarm?" he said, more to himself than McGee. Only then did he hear faint music coming from the direction of his bedroom.

"I don't know," McGee was saying, "just thought I'd warn you."

"'Kay," he yawned. "See you in twenty."

"Tony, it takes you twenty minutes just to get here -" click.

Tony hung up and stretched, still trying to remember why he was sleeping on the couch. Shuffling to his room, he pulled out clean clothes, resisting the urge to shower and instead applying a liberal layer of deodorant. He was halfway through putting on his pants when it came to him. Movie night. Ziva. Sleeping on the couch. All the pieces started to fall into place.

_Oh boy_, he thought. _We must've fallen asleep during the movie. Ziva woke up, freaked out, and left. Which is why I wake up on the couch with a sore back and a crick in my neck_.

He reached for his keys, noting that the door was locked._ Well, she remembered to lock up, so she still has my key. Interesting_, he smirked._ I wonder how I'll bring this up in a conversation today? _Tony paused, frowning. _Or maybe I shouldn't say anything. Ziva is already prickly enough about being close to people. If I mention her falling asleep on my couch in my apartment, she might not come back. If I pretend like nothing happened, maybe it won't scare her. Hmm..._

Tony debated with himself all the way to work. By the time he made it into the bullpen at 0727, he still hadn't made a decision.

**NCIS**

The first thing Jenny did when she walked into her office was pick up the phone and call Jeff, the senior technician in MTAC.

"Jeff, get me Colonel Fischer on screen." She listened for a minute. "I don't care if he's unavailable. Make it clear to him that if he isn't available in ten minutes I will go to SecNav with my issue instead." She nodded. "Thank you Jeff. Call when you have him."

Too agitated to sit down, Jenny paced her office. There was a knock on the door. "What is it Cynthia?" Jenny asked when her assistant entered the room.'

"Just thought you might like some coffee Ma'am."

"Thank you Cynthia," Jenny began, but -"

"It's decaf." Cynthia smiled. "I noticed you were drinking it yesterday."

Jenny sighed after she took her first sip. "This is why you're my favourite Cynthia," she smiled.

Cynthia just returned the smile. Jenny's phone rang and her assistant reached for it automatically. "Director Shepard's office." She nodded. "Thank you." Looking up at Jenny, Cynthia reported, "They're ready for you in MTAC Director."

"Thank you Cynthia," Jenny nodded, squaring her shoulders.

Less than a minute later, Jenny walked into MTAC and stood face to face with Colonel Fischer.

"Ah, Director Shepard, how are you?" he asked, a slimy smile on his face.

Jenny's eyebrows lifted. "Better than you're going to be if I don't get all the right answers to my next few questions." She ignored the darkening look on his face, the carefully concealed scowl. He was one of those who did not appreciate working with and taking orders from a woman. No matter, after this the only thing he better be thinking of her as was the director of NCIS.

"Outcome of yesterday's mission," she demanded.

"No casualties and we got our guy," he reported proudly.

Jenny crossed her arms and gave the man a stare that would give Gibbs a run for his money. "You were lucky this time Colonel. But if you ever do something stupid like that again and defy a direct order, you'll find yourself scrubbing every head in the Navy with a dollar store toothbrush. Do I make myself clear?"

"How dare you?" the man was outraged. "You can't do that!" he blustered.

"I can and I will Colonel. And just so you know, the correct answer to my question is 'yes Ma'am'." She made the motion to cut the transmission, missing whatever the colonel's next words were.

Letting out a slow breath, Jenny finally smiled. Sometimes being the director had it's high points. Telling off Colonel Fischer and men like him was definitely one of them. She was just glad their soldiers were alright. No one should have to die because of another's stupidity.

**NCIS**

"Ziva," Gibbs said as soon as he got in that morning.

"Gibbs?"

"With me." He motioned for the Mossad Liaison to follow him to the 'conference room'.

She did, blurting out an explanation as soon as the elevator stopped. "Movie night is not a violation of Rule 12."

Gibbs shook his head. "Not why you're here David. This is about Jenny."

Ziva shifted her weight back and leaned against the elevator wall, nodding to show she was listening.

He sighed. "Jenny hasn't been the same since she got back."

"I have noticed. But I did not think it my place to ask."

He narrowed his eyes at her. "A friend can always ask Ziva. I know that's what Jenny considers you."

Ziva conceded the point, waiting for the real reason they were here.

Gibbs looked away. "She's lost her confidence in her ability to take care of herself, she doesn't trust her skills anymore." He shrugged. "I've never seen her so insecure Ziva. I've worked with her, you've worked with her. We both know how well Jenny can fight. But she needs to remember that and this is one thing it won't help her to hear from me."

Ziva frowned. "Just telling her what she already knows is pointless."

Gibbs leaned back. "That's why I came to you Ziva. Can you think of another way?"

The Israeli woman nodded slowly, a plan already forming. "I will see what I can do. I may need the team."

"They're yours. Just let me know the plan before it happens."

"It will have to look like Jenny's idea," Ziva said thoughtfully. "I will speak with her."

"Wait a bit," Gibbs advised, turning the elevator back on, "I think she's planning to be in MTAC for a bit."

"Later then," she agreed, and they both exited the elevator.

Tony and McGee looked at them curiously, but neither Gibbs nor Ziva offered any change in expression or explanation about what was going on. Ziva sat down and began working on her plan.


	83. Chapter 83

"Hi Gibbs," Abby said a couple hours later, flouncing over and perching on the edge of his desk.

"Abby." Gibbs looked up from a report he was reading. "What are you doing up here?"

"What?" she pouted. "Don't want my company?"

Gibbs sighed. "Always love your company Abs, just wondering why you're not in your lab."

"I'm bored." Abby announced. "There's nothing to do in my lab since you forbade me from doing experiments with super glue."

"People lose layers of skin when you play with super glue Abs," Gibbs reminded her calmly. "One of these days it might not grow back." He sat back in his chair. "Why don't you go see how Ducky and Palmer are doing?"

"Already been there," Abby stressed. "They're doing inventory. I finished mine last week. Ducky always leaves it to the last minute and then complains the whole time about the bureaucracy responsible for his misery. I can only listen to so much of that before I have to leave. Even Jimmy was looking for a way out." She looked up thoughtfully. "I guess I could try to come up with a way to spring him from Autopsy without Ducky noticing, but I think it would involve a catapult and maybe some dynamite."

Gibbs put his hand over hers. "I think we'll just leave him there Abby. Safer for us all that way."

Abby looked mildly offended that Gibbs didn't like her idea.

"It's not much more exciting up here Abbs," McGee put in, hoping to make her feel better. "No case yet so today is just another catch up on paperwork day."

"At least there's other people up here," Abby pointed out. "There's Gibbs and Tony and..." she frowned. "Where's Ziva?"

Tony looked up. "She went up to the Director's office a few minutes ago. Didn't say why."

"Ooh, Gibbs! Can I go up and see the Director too? We can all have girl talk or something."

"I don't think Ziva does girl talk," Tony informed her as Gibbs answered.

"No Abby, you can't go see the Director. She's probably busy."

"Well, can I at least take Timmy down to the lab with me? Bert isn't being good enough company today. We can...defrag my computer system or calibrate my machines or something. Please?" she begged.

Gibbs didn't always want to look like a pushover when it came to Abby, even if the whole team knew she was the favourite. Still, it probably was pretty boring down there in the lab all by herself. And since assistants were out of the question, he finally gave in.

"Fine. But I want you back up here when I call, got it?" He stared at McGee.

"Got it Boss," McGee grinned, eager to be doing something that wasn't paperwork.

"Abby," Gibbs called after them, "do I need to remind you of the rules?"

Abby rolled her eyes. "No Gibbs, I remember."

She turned to Tim as they walked out. "So Timmy, can you get me a Caf-Pow? I haven't had one yet. Another hour and I won't be able to keep my eyes open."

"Maybe you should try actually sleeping sometimes Abby," McGee said, tugging on one of her ponytails affectionately.

Their voices faded down the hallway.

"How come they get to play and Ziva gets to go hang out with the Director and I'm stuck here with y-" he stopped when Gibbs' eyebrows rose. "With all of this paperwork?" Tony finished quickly.

"Because DiNozzo, Ziva never turns in her reports late and McGee gets more done in two hours than you get done in two days."

Tony turned his eyes back to his computer. He could hardly argue with that. Still, it wasn't fair.

**NCIS**

Ziva walked into Director Shepard's outer office.

"Hello Cynthia. Is the Director busy?"

"Not at the moment Ziva," she answered. "Go on in."

"Thank you."

Ziva knocked on the door and stepped into Jenny's office.

She looked up from the paper she was signing and smiled, glad to see the other woman. "Ziva! What can I do for you?" Then she continued. "Let me guess. Jethro is grumpy because you don't have a case and someone needs to make him behave?"

Ziva shook her head. "Not this time Jenny. But I have been thinking."

"About?" Jenny prompted when the agent fell silent.

"The agents here," Ziva shrugged, "are trained well enough I suppose, but they do not all know how to fight."

Jenny looked confused. "I'm not sure what I can do about that."

Ziva's eyes lit up. "But I am. Why do we not stage a...training exercise for Gibbs' team and whoever else is around? We can do it in the training gym, on the mats. Just a...demonstration of our skills. No fighting to get hurt."

Jenny shook her head and removed her glasses. "Ziva, I'm the director of NCIS. I'm not a field agent anymore."

"But you have not forgotten how to fight just because you have this office." It was a statement, not a question.

"No..." Jenny's resolve was weakening, Ziva could tell. She leaned closer and placed her hands on Jenny's desk.

"Between you and me Jen," Ziva reminded her, "we have skills these agents will never learn in basic training. It will be good for them to see how others can fight, to show them what can be learned."

"When were you thinking about doing this little 'skills display'?" Jenny asked, and Ziva knew she'd won.

"Today."

Jenny checked her agenda. Nothing urgent was scheduled for her afternoon, just her session with Kristyn later. Finally she sighed. "How about two o'clock? I'll send out a memo to the various team leaders that whoever is available can come to the training gym then."

"Do not put our names on the information Jen," Ziva suggested, "let it be a surprise when everyone gets there."

Jenny looked pointedly at her friend. "I hope you're not planning to embarrass me in front of my agency Ziva. I may have gotten a little rusty in the last couple of years."

"Just remember to block and duck Jen, the rest will come naturally." Ziva turned around and walked out of the office. "See you at two," she threw back over her shoulder.

Jenny looked at the clock. In a few hours life was about to get a whole lot more interesting.

**NCIS**

An hour later a messenger laid a sheet of paper on Gibbs' desk. The header read,_** From the Office of Director Shepard**_. Below, there was the title, _Attention All Team Leaders: Training opportunity in downstairs gym at 1400 today. If your team is not already working on something, please bring them then_.

He looked over at Ziva and she smiled slightly. So this was her plan. He could only imagine "training opportunity" had something to do with the skills they had discussed earlier. Gibbs raised his head and announced the afternoon's plans to the rest of the team, which basically included Tony, since it was Ziva's idea. Not that anyone else would hear that.

"Heads up," he said. "We're now scheduled to be in the training gym at 1400."

Tony grinned. "Anything to not be doing paperwork." He caught Gibbs' eye and stammered. "Not that I have a problem with doing paperwork. I love paperwork. Paperwork is..." The stare coming across the room at him cut Tony off. "Getting back to work Boss."

Tony eyed Ziva. "I'm not being your partner if we're working out. You'd hurt me just because you think it's funny."

Ziva glanced at him suspiciously. From the moment he'd dragged himself into work, she'd been waiting for Tony to bring up what happened last night. But he hadn't and now she wanted to know why.

"I will only hurt you if you give me a reason to Tony," she said at last.

Gibbs picked up the phone. "Hey Abs, put McGee on, will you?" He waited while she handed the phone over.

"Got something Boss?" McGee asked.

"Training gym, 1400 today. Bring Abby if she's interested. See if Ducky and Palmer want to come as well."

McGee was confused. "You want Abby, Ducky, and Jimmy to train with us?"

"It's a skills demonstration McGee. Just ask them!" he said, hanging up the phone.

**NCIS**

Three hours later, Gibbs' team (minus Ziva), was assembled in the training gym with a few other agents from their floor. All other teams had been unavailable to come. At exactly 1400 hours, the door to the change room opened and out came two fit women, clad in black, with their hands and feet wrapped. Though one was brunette and the other a redhead, both wore their hair pulled back in tight french braids, the ends of which were folded and tied close to their heads.

Ziva took her place in the center of the large mats, looking for all the world as if she'd done a demonstration like this hundreds of times. Perhaps she had, as Mossad's finest. Jenny stood slightly behind Ziva and to her left.

"Thank you for coming," she began. "Today I, with Agent Shepard," she said it out of reflex, thinking back to the days when she and Jen had been partners. But it felt right so Ziva didn't bother to correct herself, "will show you the kinds of training you may come up against in the field as you track down those who could have received their education with groups like Al-Qaeda, Hezbollah, or Hamas."

With that introduction, she faced Jenny, who still did not look sure about this. Even so, she put up her hands, getting in the defensive position. Gibbs watched his wife closely. He wasn't sure if drastic measures were the only way to teach Jenny again what she already knew, or if this entire endeavour would backfire on them by bringing up memories unwanted of when she wished she'd fought in the bunker.

But regardless of what happened in the next few minutes, Gibbs knew one thing for sure, he'd never seen Jenny this needy and unsure. She had to build her self confidence back up and the best way he could think of was to show her what the rest of them knew - that she was a competent and highly trained agent. And she'd prove it by fighting their best.


	84. Chapter 84

Ziva held Jenny's eyes. "Slow motion first Jen," she smiled encouragingly. "Then we will show them how it is really done."

Jenny nodded. For ten minutes she and Ziva jabbed and kicked and dodged and ducked and rolled out of each other's maneuvers. Jenny was surprised at how much she still remembered. They did a shoulder flip, with Ziva as the target, tucking and rolling to avoid the full effect of the move.

Picking up an unloaded sidearm from the floor, Ziva handed it to Jenny and they demonstrated several different ways to get a guy away from a suspect, including Ziva's high ballerina kick, smashing the perp's arm against something so they released their weapon, spinning the gun away from them by momentum, and using a sleight of hand to just take it.

Then Ziva became the suspect and Jenny displayed several ways to take her down. Finally, breathing and pulses beginning to elevate, Ziva nodded and everything suddenly warped into high speed as she and Jenny fought, still without hurting the other, but with clear intent.

Jenny hooked her foot behind Ziva's ankle and took her to the mat. Not missing a beat, Ziva thrust her feet between Jenny's legs and flipped her over. Jenny used her momentum to roll back up and faced her friend again. Ziva got behind her and pinned her arms but Jenny was quick and spun around, throwing a punch to Ziva's face, which she dodged, and ducked under Jenny's arm to take a shot at her rib cage.

The team watched this dangerous game with mixed reactions. Tony couldn't take his eyes of Ziva. He'd seen her in action before, he knew how fast she could move and the damage she could do. But he'd never seen her go this long in a fight, nor had he realized the full extent and range of her skills. Watching her go for a groin shot, Tony swallowed and reminded himself again never to make her mad. As she moved, he admired her form. And though he wasn't willing to take bets against the Director, Tony was sure that in a real fight, Ziva would still win, hands down.

Gibbs, not sure about this experiment when it began, was now thanking heaven for Ziva. First she'd come up with the plan, then gotten Jenny to agree to it, and even managed to pull it off as if it was nothing unusual. That was a skill. And looking at Jenny, Gibbs suddenly saw the spark back in her eyes that had been missing, and he knew they'd done the right thing. But it wasn't over yet.

Behind Ziva, Jenny put a hand on her shoulder as if to turn her around. Ziva grabbed Jenny's hand and jerked her arm behind her back, bending her wrist up. Not slow enough to get caught, Jenny managed to twist out of the hold. Blocking Ziva's shots with her elbows bent up next to her face, Jenny let her forearms take the brunt (if Ziva had been hitting her for real) of the blows.

Avoiding a knee to her stomach, Ziva grabbed one of Jenny's free arms to give her a shoulder toss, but some quick maneuvering on Jenny's part let her take Ziva down with her. Just as Ziva was recovering, she caught Tony's eye accidentally, realizing that he was watching her with more than just a normal level of interest. It threw her off momentarily and she nearly missed Jenny's next move and almost took an actual hit to the face.

Jenny hesitated, recognizing Ziva's mistake, but the next moment Ziva's foot almost collided with Jenny's stomach and Jenny jumped back, circling around, hands out in front again. Then Ziva stood down and so Jenny did too, noting the look of victory in Ziva's face. Both women were breathing hard and wiped beads of sweat away from their foreheads. Shaking hands, they once again stood before the group.

"And that concludes our demonstration. Thank you," Ziva announced.

The agents from the other team began to slowly drift out, but Gibbs' team stayed.

"Yay!" Abby exclaimed, her face lit up. "That was so cool! Man, you guys can fight!"

"Thank you Abby," they both answered.

She grinned at Ziva and Jenny and spun around, heading for the door. "I'm going to go tell Ducky and Jimmy what they missed. Boy, sure wish I had a video camera." She glanced at McGee. "Did you get it on your phone?"

Tim shook his head at her and lowered his voice. "Do you know what Ziva would do to me if she caught me recording that Abby?" He shuddered. "I just saw the many ways she could hurt me. No thank you."

Abby shrugged. "It was worth a shot." Then she ran out of the room.

"Nice fighting David," Tony grinned, coming up behind her as she took out her hair.

"It was nothing new Tony," Ziva shrugged off his praise. "You have seen me fight before."

"Impressive nonetheless," he said. But when he could think of no other words, he just stood and watched her quietly. _Boy, Ziva has gorgeous hair_, he noticed as she shook the dark locks out.

Jenny caught the look in his eyes before Ziva turned around. "Take a picture," she whispered, and Tony suddenly found a reason to go stand with McGee.

Gibbs came up to his wife. "Nicely done Jen," he smiled, "it's been a long time since I've seen you in action."

Jenny looked at him before focusing her attention on unwrapping her hands. She could hear the admiration in her husband's voice, but Jenny was still wrapped up in her hurt from last night and wondering why he wasn't avoiding her in public, but only at home. She wasn't sure what to make of him right now.

"Thanks," she said quietly, heading back into the locker room before he could say anything else.

Jenny's indifference towards him confused Gibbs. It was so obvious that they needed some time to themselves. They still hadn't talked about yesterday, and everything that lay between them was wearing on their relationship, in combination with life in general. Maybe tonight they could sit down together, though Gibbs had no idea how to start that conversation.

Before he headed back upstairs, Gibbs went to Ziva, putting his hand on her shoulder. "Good job," he said.

Ziva smiled at him, knowing that those words were high praise that usually came at a high cost. There was no need to say anything else, the look on her face was more than enough.

**NCIS**

Showered, changed, and dressed back in her Director clothes, Jenny found herself back in her office a little more than an hour after the skills demonstration began. She smiled to herself. She may not admit it to many people, but she'd had fun today. Hearing Ziva call her "Agent Shepard" took her back to their days working anti-terrorism together in Europe and how they'd staged tens of demonstrations like today's, trying to prepare the European teams for what they would encounter.

It had come as a complete surprise to Jenny that her skills did not seem dulled at all, even after spending two years out of the field and in an office. But she was so glad Ziva had come to her with this idea. She felt better about herself today than she had in weeks. Nothing like fighting a Mossad officer to remind her what she could do. Then Jenny's smile faded.

The thought suddenly occurred to her that this whole thing could've been a set up. But after mulling over the idea for several moments, she shook her head. She just didn't see how. It fit Ziva's personality to want their agents to be able to fight. Jenny breathed a little easier. No, it had just been a good idea and something she was glad to have been part of. That's all. _Thank you for Ziva_, she thought.

While she was on the subject, Jenny leaned back in her chair and went over the brief moment she'd had with her husband downstairs. Maybe he was only trying to be nice, but yesterday and last night still hung heavy on her mind. Jenny couldn't shake the irrational hurt she felt. She thought about it. Something to talk to Kristyn about? To share with Rachel? Or would she actually confront her husband about her fears? None of those options sounded like a good idea right now.

Sighing, Jenny decided to put of the inevitable just a little bit longer. Reaching for the phone, she dialed a number.

"Hello?"

"Hi Rachel," she smiled, "it's Jenny."

"Jen!" he friend's voice lit up. "It sure is nice to have my phone ring and hear you on the other end again. What can I do for you?"

"Come for supper," Jenny answered immediately.

"I'd love to. What time?"

"Around six? I'll definitely be home by then."

"Done and done." Rachel smiled. "Looking forward to it Jen. Will Jethro be there?"

Jenny tried to keep her tone neutral. "Unless the team suddenly gets a case he should be home around the same time as me."

Rachel frowned into the phone. "Don't you come together?"

"Sometimes I leave before him on Thursdays Rach, so my security detail takes me home."

"Okay," Rachel said uncertainly, wondering if something was going on. "Well, I guess I'll see you at six tonight."

"Thanks Rach," Jenny said softly before she hung up.

The Director stared into space for a little while before finally picking up a new agent file and getting back to work.

**NCIS**

"I want to talk about flashbacks in a little more detail today Jenny," Kristyn said to start their session off.

Jenny wondered if she was imagining the headache she started to feel at the mention of that word.

"Flashbacks are unpredictable and hit without warning, which makes them so difficult emotionally - there's no time to prepare for them. Feeling out of control, as you did during the rape, can make it all come rushing back. A word or a phrase the rapist used may leave you feeling sad or anxious or may itself trigger a flashback. And sometimes they seem to happen for no reason at all."

Jenny nodded mutely. Kristyn was telling her what she already knew. It had happened to her.

Kristyn continued. "I know those who have said that during a flashback you can hear, see, feel, and smell everything that is happening in it. But the reason you have them is because part of the trauma from your experience is still waiting to be resolved. When it happens, you need to talk about it." She gave Jenny a look. "Don't just shove the emotions away. When you have a flashback, keep your eyes open, remind yourself where you are, that you are not in the bunker, and that you're safe. Try to figure out why that particular memory came up. You'll need to remember those emotions in order to deal with them and work through them."

Jenny sighed. "Been there already I'm afraid." She looked up at her therapist. "But how long will I have to deal with them? It's just as bad as when I was there."

Dr. Renway's face was sympathetic. "I can't give you a timeline for getting better Jenny. The symptoms of RTS itself can last from two to six months as you relive the fear, anxiety, and agony of what happened to you. Everyone reacts differently. But you can work within those symptoms. When you recognize a trigger, confront it and work to overcome it. We'll deal with it together. Keep talking to me, to your friends, to your husband, and don't just put it away."

"I feel like I should already be normal again," Jenny whispered.

"Jenny," Kristyn said, "the healing process can take months or it can take years, none of this will fix itself overnight. But after a certain time, the people in your life will want to believe that you're okay now. They'll take your word for it when you hide behind 'fine' and they won't understand why its' still affecting you so much. They forget about the impact this has had on your life and will wonder why it's taking so long for you to feel alright again. It will make you angry and that's okay. Because it hasn't happened to them, they cannot understand and it will seem an injustice to you. It's unfair to feel isolated, but yet you wouldn't wish what you went through on your worst enemy."

_Or your best friend_, Jenny thought. Even though she hated that this violent act had been forced upon Rachel as well, she was still infinitely grateful that at least one other person understood.

The training exercise from this afternoon came back to her and Jenny suddenly felt overwhelmed with guilt for letting the rape happen.

"I have been extremely well trained in my job to defend myself." She met Kristyn's eyes, pain swimming in hers. "Why didn't I fight back? Why didn't I do something to stop this?"

Kristyn remained calm, needing to be the anchor of reason even though it hurt her that Jenny was still suffering so much.

"You couldn't Jenny," she said softly, "he had a gun."

"Maybe he should've used it," her patient replied darkly.

"Hey," Dr. Renway chided her, "no. I know you wanted to fight back, that you wish you had and feel like you should've. But trust me Jenny, whatever you did or didn't do in those moments helped you to survive. That is your victory here. Please don't wish you hadn't live through that ordeal just so you wouldn't have the memories to deal with. I know you wouldn't want to leave your husband, not like that."

Jenny shook her head. "I'm not letting him in right now. I love him but I can't show it. The last couple of days..." she rubbed her forehead, "haven't been that good for us."

"It's all part of the process Jenny," Kristyn said. "Some days will be good and some not so good. What it comes to touch, comfort, support, talking...you may have to tell your husband what you need so he will be able to respond to whatever you are feeling inside. I know he wants very badly just to help, but often he doesn't know how."

"Sometime I don't know what will help," Jenny admitted.

The doctor smiled. "Then tell him that," she advised, "so he won't feel like he's the only one in the dark."


	85. Chapter 85

There was silence for a time as Dr. Renway let this newest topic sink in before she tackled another issue she had observed.

"Jenny," she said softly, "I've noticed that when it comes to your attack, you always use vague terms to describe what you went through. You talk about 'what happened' or about being 'there', without ever using the words you mean."

Jenny frowned. "I don't see how that matters." The last thing she wanted was to think in detail about it.

"You need to acknowledge what happened Jenny, that this happened to you," her therapist continued. "You need to say the words."

Jenny shook her head, hating the word for what was done to her.

"It's important," Kristyn insisted, "and it's part of your healing. You need to face this Jenny, or 'fine' will be something that will only ever be a distant memory or a poorly hidden acronym."

Jenny clenched her hands together, watching the skin on her knuckles whiten. _I'm not going to say it_, she thought, _I can't. I don't want to. Please don't make me say it. _The last was a silent plea that no one heard.

"You know," Kristyn said slowly, knowing Jenny was fighting what she'd suggested, "sometimes to get to healing, you have to do things that hurt. At the time, it may feel like a bad hurt that will last and last, but really, keeping it inside is the bad hurt. Admitting what happened is a good hurt, like digging a splinter out of your hand. It hurts like the dickens while you're doing it, but once the splinter is removed, it all feels better." She softened her gaze. "It may not feel better right away, but I promise you it will help."

Jenny closed her eyes, trying not to listen but the doctor's words penetrated her thoughts anyways.

"Just say it Jenny," Kristyn advised again.

Jenny pressed her lips together, then barely parted them and mumbled quietly, "Iwasraped."

Dr. Renway shook her head. "You have to say it louder than that Jenny, you need to admit what happened."

Jenny's eyes never budged from the floor. "I was raped." Her tone was only just audible.

"Again Jenny!" Kristyn commanded. "Louder."

Jenny was getting angry now, tired of everyone telling her what would help and make her feel better when nothing did.

"I was raped!" she spit out. "And I hate that word. To everyone else it's just a word, no big deal, but it ruins lives. It ruined my life. That word doesn't tell anyone what it's like to actually survive it, to experience it, to have it take over your mind and body to such a degree that you don't even recognize yourself. Being raped has changed my whole life and I don't think that I'll ever get back the one I had."

She sat back against the cushions, heart racing, breathing fast and fighting back the tears that wanted to fall.

Kristyn was silent during Jenny's rant, letting her vent and get it out. She breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that Jenny finally admitted what she was feeling. The therapist had known she couldn't go on much longer keeping it all inside.

"Jenny," she smiled, "you did it. How do you feel? Did saying all that help?"

"A little," Jenny sighed, feeling the weight on her chest lighten a bit, "but I can't very well go around shouting my innermost feelings from the rooftops now, can I?"

Kristyn looked amused. "That would be a sight." Jenny rolled her eyes. "But seriously, I'm going to tell you again how beneficial it is to write down your feelings. In fact," Dr. Renway considered the idea and finally decided this was for the best, "I'm going to make it part of your therapy. Call it homework or stress relief or whatever works, but I want you to start keeping a journal."

Jenny opened her mouth to protest that she didn't want to have a constant reminder of the event around, to be thinking about it more than she already was, but Kristyn shook her head.

"No Jenny," she said firmly. "For once just listen. I have worked with you for three weeks - that's six sessions. I know you're hurting, I know normal life has fallen apart, but this is what I'm trained to do, to help. So you need to start trusting my judgement and doing the things I'm suggesting, or I will not be able to help you anymore." She took a deep breath and held Jenny's eyes. "The more stubborn you are about pretending everything is fine and trying to do this your way, the longer this healing process is going to take."

The doctor hated having to be that blunt, but it seemed that nothing else was working.

With her arms crossed, Jenny sat still as stone on the couch, directing a steely eyed glare at her therapist.

Dr. Renway sighed and got up, pulling out a drawer in one of her cabinets and reaching inside. She came back with a soft blue, hardcovered book and handed it to Jenny when she sat down.

"It's a journal Jenny," Kristyn said, picking up right where they left off as if there hadn't been a problem. "I want you to put your whole experience down in writing. Everything you remember down to the smallest detail: thoughts, feelings, smells, taste, memories, observations. Everything. It will help, I promise. Do the same with your nightmares and flashbacks. It's your body's way of telling you you're ready to deal with the memories, even if you don't think you are. This is how your mind purges everything you went through. But you've got to let it out."

Jenny opened the cover and flipped through the clean white pages, listening but not saying anything.

"Also write about your feelings for your husband," Kristyn continued. "How do you feel when he touches you? When you're close to intimacy? What are you thinking when you're alone with him? Are you afraid? Why? I want you to put something in that book," she pointed, "every day Jenny. Just give it a chance. Then we'll talk about it at your next session and see if anything's changed."

Jenny nodded mutely, too tired to fight anymore. Kristyn regarded her thoughtfully. The session couldn't continue if Jenny wasn't going to say anything.

"How about a cup of tea?" she suggested finally, relieved when Jenny looked up and nodded slightly. "And maybe after that you can tell me about yesterday."

Kristyn saw a flicker of something in her patient's eyes. So maybe she would have more to say after all.

**NCIS**

_Is it alive?_

_No._

_Is it in your lab?_

_Umm...no._ Her wavering could mean that the object used to be in her lab or could sometimes be found there. He changed tactics.

_Is it in the building?_

_Yes._

_Is it..._

McGee's fingers hesitated over the keys, trying to think of a way to find out more specific information on the topic. It was just after 1700 and he and Abby were playing Twenty Questions over the instant messenger. McGee had been done his backlogged paperwork and reports for an hour and Abby was bored to death doing nothing in the lab. So they were improvising. If Gibbs noticed, he hadn't said anything.

Tony eyed Ziva across the space between their desks. He wanted to talk to her about last night but knew he couldn't stay serious under pressure and would crack a joke or make an insinuation that would just end up with him begging for mercy while she hurt him.

He flicked his gaze over to McGee, who was concentrating on his screen. Double-clicking on the instant messenger icon in the corner of his screen, Tony typed out a quick message.

_Hey Probie, ask Ziva if she had any plans for tonight._

McGee frowned in Tony's direction and replied immediately.

_You're closer, you ask her._

_I'm senior field agent, you have to do as I say_, Tony shot back.

_Not when Gibbs is in the room_. McGee smirked and sent the answer, knowing Tony couldn't do anything about it. Then he got curious. _Why do you care what she's doing tonight Tony?_

Tony read the message and rolled his eyes at McGee. _Being nosy is part of my charm, McChildish._

_Childish, me?_ McGee asked. _Look who's talking. Whatever. But being nosy is going to land you in the hospital if you do it around Ziva. She's freaking Mossad Tony! After today I'm definitely not getting on her bad side._

_What? Afraid she'll break you? _Tony snickered.

_Into little tiny pieces Tony_, McGee replied, dead serious. _And I do not want to die today_.

_Ooh...got steamy plans for tonight with a certain mistress of the dark? Perhaps plans involving body heat and her coffin?_

McGee resisted the urge to try and shut Tony up. Instead he just closed down their conversation window and temporarily blocked Tony in his program. What he and Abby had planned (pizza and a new movie that was playing downtown) was none of Tony's business. And if they took advantage of the darkened theater to spend some time exercising their lips...well, that was none of Tony's business either.

Tony tried to get McGee to respond but his messages kept coming back saying "unable to deliver". Whatever. Let McGee and his Goth princess do whatever they do at night. He was going out tonight, no more of this staying at home stuff. And if he didn't say anything, well, maybe he and Ziva would make movie night a regular thing again. He'd ask her next Wednesday.

Unfortunately though, he still had a report to finish. Casting one last glance at his hot Mossad partner, Tony returned his attention to his screen, not noticing that Ziva's eyes were finally on him, wishing she knew what he was thinking.

**NCIS**

Jenny climbed the stairs to her office slowly, needing more time to think than the elevator afforded her. It seemed her therapist was right again, that she needed to get what was in her head, out. She'd told Kristyn a little about Wednesday, how she had a panic attack at work (though she downplayed the severity of the effects). Kristyn had been glad to hear about Rachel, knowing how much Jenny needed someone to talk to. But she encouraged Jenny to talk to her husband as well.

Jenny shrugged off the suggestion for now. There wouldn't be time tonight, not with Rachel coming over. Maybe on the weekend? But she had no idea what to say. Everything got so jumbled sometimes between her thoughts and memories and emotions and reactions. It was hard to know right now what was actually causing their problems.

Glad that Cynthia wasn't in at the moment, Jenny slipped into her office and settled down in her chair. The high heels came off and she reached back to unclip her hair as well, letting the red mass tumble down her back. Now, if only Jethro were standing behind her, working his fingers into her neck this would be the perfect way to relax. Immediately Jenny felt guilty for the thought. It was unfair of her to want Jethro to do something nice for her when things were so shaky between them. Yet, she knew if she asked, he would probably do it. He still wanted to help, after everything.

Something about them being in contact had often been able to fix whatever was wrong. If they were touching, they could talk about it. Otherwise issues boiled down to heated arguments and long silent stares. No, touching would not fix things, not this time. They weren't even fighting right now, they were just...apart and Jenny hated how that felt. To miss him and want him even while his rejection hurt.

She shook her head. Time to think about something else, another unpleasant subject. Journaling was now an order, not a choice she got to make for herself. Jenny picked up a pen and opened the blue book Kristyn had given her to the blank title page. After a minute she wrote at the top, _Jenny_...and hesitated. Which name to use? Shepard was who she was, but..._Gibbs_. She wrote down who she wanted to be. _My Journey to Healing_.

The next page was full of lines. Jenny was glad for the light streaming in the window behind her, because the place her mind was going back to was very dark.

_**Oct 4**_ - _Who knew a night could go so wrong? I kissed Jethro goodbye in the parking garage, the last normal interaction we would have together, expecting to meet him at home not too many minutes later. He'd forgotten to go see Abby. It could've happened any time, but only tonight did it change the course of our lives. Within a few steps out of the building, I'd know how wrong my expectations would turn out to be._

The pen trembled in her hand and Jenny forced herself to take a deep breath. Two voices warred in her head. One sounded like Jenny the night she came home, fragile and broken. The other sounded like the Jenny she used to be: confident, loving, alive.

Closing her eyes, she listened. _I can't do this_, the broken Jenny voice cried._ It's too hard. I don't want to go back. I don't want to live it over again. Please stop! Make it go away! _She nearly cried herself as she listened to her fears. But the confident Jenny voice replied firmly, _You can do this. You must. It is the only way to get away from it. If you stop now, you are letting it win. Take your life back Jenny!_

Two voices, two conflicting points of view, and only one could win. Staring at the pen for a minute, Jenny willed herself to be strong enough to do this. Her fingers grasped the writing utensil and she forced her hand back to the page.

_I remember a dark blur, an immediate fear, and before I could turn or look or scream for help, there was a gag choking me, thin cords biting into the skin of my wrists, and a terror I cannot remember knowing before when he pushed me into the trunk and slammed the lid. I was trapped. I was helpless. And I knew that this could be the night I died. _

_Besides the team at NCIS who are the closest thing I have to family now, my only regret was my husband and all the years we'd lost before we said "I do." I sent my thoughts out to him, though I knew he could not hear me. 'I love you', I said. 'I'm sorry'. And then I wavered between 'please save me' and 'don't forget about me'. But I couldn't even wish him happiness if I died, because even with death perhaps right around the corner, I did not want to imagine my husband loving any woman but me._

_What came next would make the next forty hours the worst two days of my entire life. And sometimes I would wish for death, because living was something that took strength and I didn't have any left to fight with. It was too painful, too awful, and I just wanted to go home._


	86. Chapter 86

Jenny wrote for an hour before the words finally ceased to flow from her pen. Dropping it back on her desk, she leaned her head back against the chair, completely drained of all energy. A light tap on her door made her look up, and when her husband followed, she slammed the journal shut and dropped it into one of her desk drawers.

"Jethro," she tried to smile sincerely, but her heart hurt at the sight of him, "what can I do for you?"

"Just wanted to see how you were doing Jen," he said in his usual tone, just a little softer. "How did your session with Kristyn go?" He looked relieved that it wasn't him going to see the therapist.

Jenny shrugged non-committally. "It was long and I'm tired as usual. The team still doing paperwork?" she inquired in an effort to be social.

Gibbs could see right through her shield. It hadn't escaped him that she didn't really answer his question. "I just sent them home. Tony had too much free time on his hands. The last thing I need is a prank war going on between my agents."

A slight smile graced Jenny's lips at the image, but then she looked back at her husband and her smile fell. She could tell that he wasn't fooled at all.

"We need to talk Jenny," he said softly.

Jerkily, Jenny shook her head. "No, we can't." He looked at her questioningly. "Umm...not right now I mean. Rachel is...coming for supper."

A shadow crossed Gibbs' eyes. He knew Rachel and Jenny meant a lot to each other, but all of a sudden it seemed that his wife was using her friend as an excuse to avoid being alone with him.

He just nodded. "Ready to go then?"

Scrambling for an excuse, Jenny said the first thing she could think of. "I think I'll go home with my security detail Jethro." She didn't like the hurt in his eyes, it mirrored her own. Trying to justify it, she continued. "I haven't been out of the office today. Gotta make them earn their paychecks somehow."

"Sure Jen," Gibbs replied, his expression blank. "I'll see you at home."

"Jethro," Jenny called after him, not wanting to make it a bigger mess than it already was.

But Gibbs was out of patience. "Later," he said as he walked out the door.

Jenny sat back heavily. She hadn't meant to hurt him._ Yeah, because blowing him off was going to make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Way to go Jenny_, she thought. Slowly she stood up and called for her security detail, then got ready to go home. Her eyes fell to the corner of the blue journal sticking out of the drawer she'd shoved it into moments earlier. Picking it up, she dropped it into her briefcase with everything else. No one else would be allowed to find that book. Looking around her office, Jenny could see nothing else she needed. She left quietly, grateful that Rachel would probably be waiting for her at home. Tonight she needed a buffer and that's what friends were for, right?

**NCIS**

"Jenny!" Rachel met her friend with a tight hug.

"Calm down Rach!" Jenny laughed. "Gosh, you'd think we hadn't seen each other in months. Was this morning really that long ago?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "It doesn't count when I was barely coherent and in my pyjamas, sitting at your kitchen table and pretending to be awake enough to eat. And last night wasn't nearly enough time to catch up on fifteen years. Emails, letters, and phone calls are no replacement for the real thing."

Jenny saw her chance and jumped on it. "Game for a repeat?" she asked.

Rachel narrowed her eyes at her friend. That reply came a little too quick, if she didn't know better, it was desperation she could read in Jenny's eyes.

"Gotta be into work early tomorrow Jen," she said apologetically, still not saying no.

"We don't have to stay up late," Jenny practically begged, "and you can shower and get ready here if you want, there will be food to start your day off with."

"Are you going to tell me what's going on Jen?" Rachel asked.

Jenny tamped down a rise of frustration. Did she have to surround herself with people that could read her so well it was almost like they could see right through her? A car door slammed outside and she shook her head urgently.

"Not right now Rach. Tonight, yes?" she asked, nodding her head as if that would get her friend to agree to stay.

"Fine," Rachel sighed. "But that's the last sleepover for awhile Jenny. I like my bed. And I'm pretty sure your husband will be missing his."

"So you'll stay?" Jenny asked, just as her husband walked in the door.

"Yes," Rachel said softly, then turned to greet the man her best friend had married. "Jethro!" she smiled, walking over to him. "I didn't hug you last night because we just met. But normally, I do hugs, not handshakes." She wrapped her arms around him tightly.

Gibbs hesitated for a moment, then hugged her back quickly and stepped away. He shot a glance at Jenny, who shrugged helplessly. That was just how Rachel was.

"Where's Noemi?" he asked. The Spanish woman was usually the first one to greet him at the door, unless Jenny beat her to it.

Rachel waved her hand dismissively. "I told her to go on home, no use waiting around when I was here. Supper's already finished, it's just waiting for us."

"Okay," Gibbs nodded, "lead the way."

They all filed into the kitchen where the smell of fresh bread met them, along with a warm, full scent.

"Oh stew!" Jenny smiled. "I love Noemi's stew."

"It's especially good in the middle of a snowstorm," Gibbs agreed. "But I guess it will taste just as good at the end of October."

"I can't wait to try it," Rachel added.

It was mostly due to her that the conversation over dinner amounted to anything at all. She managed to pose questions and pull answers out of both Gibbs and Jenny, although getting them to actually converse proved to be the harder task. Rachel tried to ignore the awkward tension in the room, but it was about thick enough to be cut and sliced and served along with the bread.

After they'd all finished eating, and Gibbs had been right, Noemi's stew was one of the best meals Rachel had eaten in ages, he excused himself to go to the workshop out back, where Jenny's father had kept his tools.

"What's he do out there?" Rachel asked, watching out the window.

Jenny shrugged. "Something with his hands. That's what he does when things aren't...right."

Rachel looked over her shoulder. "Are you gonna tell me?"

Jenny sighed. "Tea?"

"Tea, then talk," Rachel agreed.

After making sure their tea was just right, the two women retired to the library. It was cozier in there, a good place to talk. Settling onto the same couch facing each other, Rachel waited for Jenny to begin. When she didn't, Rachel asked a question.

"Want to tell me why you don't want to be alone with your own husband?"

Jenny made a face. "It's complicated Rachel..."

"Don't give me that Jen," Rachel shook her head. "I've been in relationships before, you'll remember, and they're only as complicated as you let them be, or as much as you make them."

Jenny sipped her steaming drink carefully. "The last couple days have been rough for us, I don't even know what to say to him."

"And you think staying away from him is going to make that easier somehow?"

The redhead frowned. "I don't really need your sarcasm tonight Rachel Ann. Can't you just be here? Can't we just hang out? Do we have to talk about everything? That's all everyone wants to do - talk and try things and give advice and make it better. For once I just want to have a conversation that does not have anything to do with what happened to me."

Rachel returned her friend's glare calmly. "That was a well executed tangent attempt Jenny, but I've known you too long to let it fool me. Did you say you had a shrink appointment today?"

Exasperated, Jenny debated about answering. But Rachel was the kind of person who wouldn't let her get away with making a scene and then retreating.

"I might've mentioned it," she said finally.

Rachel chuckled. "Care to elaborate on that, oh best friend of mine?"

Jenny shook her head and gave up, she couldn't stay mad at Rachel. "Well let's see...today was, in this order: flashbacks, resolving guilt, letting Jethro know what I need even when I don't, verbalizing what happened using specific terms, getting ticked off at my therapist for being right, being ordered to journal anything and everything to do with my assault as part of my therapy, and tea, before we talked a little about yesterday and she left me to my own devices after taking me apart and putting me back together for an hour."

Rachel laughed softly. "Not bitter about any of that, are we Jen?"

Jenny kicked her friend's foot softly. "Do you have to be that observant? Or know me that well, really?"

"That's my job," Rachel smiled. "Gotta love me!"

Rolling her eyes, Jenny took a long swallow of tea. "Borrowing a line from an nineties TV show does not make me want to like you right now."

"Ahh, but does being your best friend who won't let you get away with hiding and keeping things inside and only does what's best for you because she's been there and know's what it feels like earn me any points?"

"You're starting to sound like Abby, that girl can talk about ninety miles a minute and still get her point across."

"Still trying to change the subject," Rachel said in a sing-song voice.

"And you're getting annoying," Jenny said in a frustrated version of the same voice.

"Jenny," Rachel shook her head, "part of my job is to drag the important information out of you, even if it gets on your nerves."

"You got that in writing somewhere?" Jenny asked suspiciously.

"Does Jethro have all his rules written down?" Rachel returned.

"Somewhere," Jenny said.

"Oh," Rachel looked defeated for a minute. "Umm...I'll get right on that."

"Sure you will," Jenny laughed. "Oh, never mind. I'll talk. It's easier than trying to follow your logic around in a circle."

"Good," Rachel said cheerfully. "Okay, you're going to give me the right answers to three very important questions and then we can talk about old times for awhile before we drag your husband back in here to have coffee," she frowned, "or something else hot before we all hit the hay tonight."

"I'm ready," Jenny sighed. "Shoot."

"With my aim?" Rachel laughed hysterically. "Nobody would be safe Jen."

"Rachel..." Jenny said in a warning tone.

"Sorry," her friend shrugged, "can't help myself sometimes. Alright, question number one: why am I here acting as a human shield so you don't have to spend the evening alone with your husband?"

"We still haven't worked through yesterday," Jenny said slowly. "Today is making it worse, I don't know where to start the conversation, and I think the way I'm acting is making him regret trying." She sighed heavily.

"There, was that so hard?" Rachel asked when Jenny finally answered.

"Yes," Jenny stated firmly.

"Oh. Sorry," Rachel smiled, looking entirely unrepentant. "Question two: Are you going to talk to Jethro tomorrow or do I need to stage an intervention?"

"Oh no!" Jenny said, remembering the last time Rachel played intervener. "Anything but that."

"Good." Rachel nodded, feeling like they were making progress. "I'm going to hold you to that. You call me tomorrow before bedtime and tell me you two have talked, or I am coming over and then you will talk. No good avoiding the hard stuff hun."

"The doors have locks," Jenny muttered.

Rachel ignored her. "Question three." Jenny looked at her expectantly. "Do we have to have breakfast before 0700? My body still thinks it should be sleeping."

Jenny started to laugh. "What am I going to do with you Rachel?" she asked for the thousandth time since the two had met.

"Oh," Rachel shrugged innocently, "keep me I guess. You're kind of stuck with me now."

"Right. Well, I guess I'll manage."

"Okay, I've had enough fun playing armchair therapist," Rachel announced, "why don't we do dishes?"

Jenny's eyebrows lifted. "No thank you. There's a reason I pay Noemi to come. Domesticated is something I have never aspired to be."

"One of these days Jen..."

"Give it up Rach. I don't do dishes."

Her friend just laughed. No matter what happened, she still sounded like the old Jenny. And Rachel was fairly certain they would get her back, it would just take time, willingness, and a lot of patience from all sides. Something they all had to work on.

**NCIS**

In the quiet damp silence of the workshop, Gibbs sat on a stool in front of the workbench, still carving out the lines to spell what he wanted on the portrait sized plaque for Abby and McGee's wedding present. He was doing a lot of thinking. Tonight had been unexpected. First Jenny's demeanor towards him at work, then Rachel being over which ruined all his plans for talking. At least the skills demonstration had gone over well, that was about the only thing about his day that had gone right.

He sighed heavily, digging the chisel into the wood with a little more force than necessary. No matter what happened tonight and what didn't get said, Gibbs knew something had to give for tomorrow. They couldn't keep this up, being so separate from each other, not talking, not touching...it was killing him to see the hurt in her eyes and not even be able to share it because she wouldn't tell him why. Maybe he should've tried going to session with her again, at least Kristyn would see to it that they actually said what they were thinking.

Time passed slowly but swiftly at the same time, a paradox he'd never gotten used to. And when he went back in the house and found that Rachel was staying over again and he was stuck with the guest room for a second night, when he wouldn't have willingly volunteered for it this time, Gibbs wished tomorrow would hurry up and come. If he'd been given a choice, he would've tried to get back into their room tonight.

He didn't like sleeping apart from Jenny this long. The last two nights he'd spent without her was when Gibbs wasn't sure he'd ever see her again. He didn't like the parallel. He just wanted to talk to his wife, for them to be alone. He fell asleep as the clock ticked past midnight, willing the night to be over.


	87. Chapter 87

"No!" Jenny moaned, thrashing in her sleep.

"Jen?" Rachel whispered, instantly away. She just barely touched her friend's shoulder. "Jen, wake up."

"No...Jethro!" Jenny cried, sitting straight up in bed. When she opened her eyes and saw where she was, her breathing relaxed. That had been awful. Oh, why did the nightmares have to keep coming? She hated them too, along with everything else.

"Jenny?" Rachel asked hesitantly, "Do you want me to get Jethro?"

Jenny's eyes widened and she shook her head vigorously. "No! No. Stay, please?"

"What happened Jen?" she asked, wanting to take the fear away that she saw reflected in Jenny's dilated green eyes.

"Do we have to...?" she began.

"Yes," Rachel urged. "You have to talk about it Jen, otherwise you won't be able to forget whatever it is you just saw."

Jenny disagreed. She'd have a hard time shaking the image no matter what she saw.

"Come on Jenny," Rachel said softly, "what did you see?"

Jenny dug her fingers into her hair, resting her elbows on bent knees. "I was in the bunker, where it happened. The man was there, on top of me again, and then..." her voice faltered. "It was awful Rach," she whispered.

"What was?" her friend asked rubbing Jenny's back slowly.

"My attacker, he...suddenly became...Jethro. And he was hurting me and I was crying and he wouldn't stop." Jenny wiped furiously at the tears that fell.

"Oh Jen," Rachel sat up and put an arm around her friend's shoulders. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm so sorry you have to go through this."

Jenny allowed the comfort, knowing she wouldn't have had the strength to face her husband after what had just happened in her dream.

"Thanks for being here Rach," she said after a long time.

Rachel coaxed her to lay back down and handed Jenny the stuffed bear that had been on the bed when they said goodnight.

"I was thinking I might tell you a story Jen. I've got a good one, just waiting in my imagination. It's about this family of teddy bears. No, I'm not joking. Stop laughing and pay attention. Anyways, there were three teddy bears in this story. No Jennifer, there is no Goldilocks. If you keep interrupting I'm going to go back to sleep. Thank you. So the first teddy bear's name was Boots. That's all he ever wore, green rubber boots no matter if it was summer, winter, fall, or spring. They couldn't get him to take the boots off, not even to sleep. They just poked out of the end of his bed every night. But Boots wasn't the only strange one in this family..."

Jenny curled up on the bed, listening to the sound of Rachel's voice. She didn't hear every word, but she knew Rachel was making up the story as she went along. She'd always been good at telling stories. Rachel used to volunteer for story hour at the children's library near campus. She started writing down her own stories and illustrating them, and using those books as the one's she read to the kids each week. Jenny smiled, her friend certainly had a gift.

As time wore on, Rachel's voice slowly lulled Jenny back into slumber, and before either of them knew it, they were fast asleep again, dreaming about teddy bears and green rubber boots and little girls named Molly who liked to jump in mud puddles.

**NCIS**

Friday morning was a little rushed. Rachel had to be out of the house by 0630 since she decided she wanted to shower and get ready at her own place. She just had cereal for breakfast quick and Jenny cancelled Noemi again for the early morning, thinking there would be too many people around and she just needed some time to herself. Hugging Rachel goodbye at the front door, Jenny whispered a thank you in her ear. Rachel's eyes said there was no need and she waved to Jethro, who was watching them from the top of the stairs.

Knowing that they would have to face each other eventually, Jenny made her way back upstairs to straighten the bedroom before she got ready for work. Gibbs followed her, determined to start breaking down the walls right now. When he put his hands on Jenny's shoulders as she stood beside the bed, her whole body stiffened as if she'd been turned to ice.

"Jenny?" he asked, knowing that kind of reaction was not good. When she didn't say anything he turned her around to face him. She had her eyes shut tightly and he wondered if she was trying not to fight him off. "Jen, talk to me. You've got to tell me what's wrong. I can't help you, I can't do anything to fix this if you don't talk to me."

At that her eyes popped open and she fixed him with a stare, pulling away from his touch and going over to the far side of the bed to yank the covers straight.

"Jen!" he said loudly, wanting her to snap out of it. "Let me help you."

Jenny stopped what she was doing. "I don't want you to fix it Jethro!" she snapped, setting him back. She massaged her temples and he wondered if another headache was threatening. "Don't try to make it better, or make me forget, because you can't and I can't." Jenny started pacing back and forth in front of the window, trying to explain, trying to make him understand.

"Sometimes I just need you to hug or hold me and tell me that everything is going to be okay, even if it's not. Because on days like today I'm so deep in the memories that I can't even see okay. Heck, some days I can't even remember what it looks like. My whole life is before and after right now and I'm just so tired of living with this. Please," she broke off in a whisper that ended in tears.

Gibbs walked across the room and reached for her. At first he thought it might work, but as soon as his hands touched her, Jenny's head snapped up and he didn't recognize the look in her eyes, didn't want to interpret it. She brought up something he'd said the night they had their talk about intimacy, promising that he would never hurt her.

"You say that Jethro, but how can I know for sure? I've been depriving you of my body for weeks, what if you can't wait any longer? How do I know you wouldn't force me without meaning to?"

Everything about Jenny screamed that she was not okay, that she was fragile and broken, her tone distraught. Somewhere in her mind, Jenny knew the truth, that her husband would never do anything like that. But right now he was just a guy and she couldn't stop herself from saying the words, from lashing out at him because she didn't know what else to do. She could see and feel her words tearing them apart even further, but it was almost like she was watching it happen from the other side of a window, powerless and unable to stop it.

The nightmare from last night pressed against her memory, and she saw him again, her husband in the place of her attacker. She tried to will the image away, but it remained firmly and stubbornly there, behind her eyes, a reminder not to trust. And Jenny hated herself for hurting Jethro, he didn't deserve it. But there was no one else there, so he became the target.

Gibbs shoulders sagged, the words cutting into his heart. "How can you even say that Jen?" he asked, hurt flowing out in his words. "You have got to know that I would rather never be with you that way again than to force myself on you when you aren't ready." How could she not trust him after everything they'd gone through together?

Jenny wrapped her arms around herself. "I don't know," she said softly. "It's all so confused. I'm sorry," she whispered, before running past him and locking herself in the bathroom.

He couldn't stand there any longer, the echo of her words still lingering in their room. Gibbs looked at the bed, wondering if they would share it again. 0700 and already this day was already irreparably broken. He had to get out of there. Two minutes later he had clean clothes on and was pulling on his jacket, while his wife stood upstairs in the shower and cried because she knew she'd just stabbed the man she loved in the heart.

**NCIS**

When Dr. Mallard arrived in Autopsy that morning, he flipped on all the lights and was humming to himself as he took off and hung up his hat, coat, and umbrella.

"Mornin' Duck."

Ducky whirled around, startled by a voice from the corner. Of course it was Jethro, no one else called him 'Duck'. His old friend looked awful, almost haggard. The ME sat down facing the team leader.

"About Jennifer again?" he asked.

Gibbs grunted. "What was your first clue?"

Ducky busied himself putting the kettle on. "Well Jethro, seldom do I have breathing guests. The living do not often want to be where the dead are."

"Guess I'm the exception," Gibbs muttered.

"Come now Jethro, do tell me why you are here. It can't be all that bad."

Gibbs sat forward. "You don't know what she said to me this morning Duck."

"Oh, and what was that?"

Gibbs wasn't going to give his friend the conversation verbatim, it was still too fresh. "It was as good as her telling me that she doesn't trust me at all." He put his head in his hands and groaned, anguish obvious in his features. "I feel like I've lost her completely, I don't know this Jenny. I don't want to know her either."

Ducky was silent as he stirred his tea. As much as he had a wealth of years and experience from which to draw on, in some situations more words simply would not help.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take," Gibbs admitted softly, feeling the weight of those words as he spoke them out loud.

"Ah," Ducky said after a sip of tea, "that's it then, the real issue." He set the cup aside, endeavouring now to be both compassionate and offer practical, simple advice. "Tell me Jethro, have you done all that you can do or just all you think you can do? Do you want to do more if there is something else to do? Because I can only see two options. Either this can be over now, leaving you both broken and bleeding, or you can take on the role of knight in shining armour, step up and fight for Jennifer through this hurt, and the two of you can be together until you're old and gray like me."

Gibbs' mouth opened, then closed. Impatiently, he got up from the chair and began to pace away from his friend. He hated that every time he talked to Ducky he was forced to search his soul to come up with the right answer. The question was a valid one: if it meant getting her back, fragile and damaged but healing nonetheless, and the chance for several more years of a life with her, how much was he willing to do?

Out of habit, Gibbs rubbed his thumb over his wedding band, a constant reminder of his wife and the commitment they'd made to each other. Feeling the raised, intertwined circles symbolizing eternal love, Gibbs knew that he had to hold onto that promise, and the unbroken love he and Jenny shared. He made up his mind, and right then decided that he couldn't let Jenny go, not without staging a much greater fight.

Heaving a sigh, he looked over at the elderly Scotsman calmly drinking his tea. "What do you suggest Duck?"

Ducky smiled. "Talk to her Jethro. Start by just talking to her."


	88. Chapter 88

Talk to her. Ducky made it sound so easy and at first Gibbs thought that maybe it would be. It was early yet, he might even catch Jenny before she got into full director mode. But the moment his wife entered the building, she was the lady people needed to see. First she was swept into an MTAC conference that lasted well over an hour. Then, when she got out, she was on the phone with different office heads like Hettie in L.A. and her counterparts in New York, Florida, and New Mexico.

Gibbs was just about to take a coffee break to get them both something to drink when a call from Human Resources came to remind him that the team was scheduled to attend the bi-yearly sensitivity and sexual harassment seminar with the other teams from their floor in Conference Room #2. Oh great, just what he needed.

The team noticed their boss was practically growling, but none of them were particularly pleased about the seminar either. Tony spent his time covertly shooting spit balls at McGee, who was sitting closer to the front and couldn't retaliate without being noticed. Ziva sat twirling her knife and giving the speaker death stares which caused her to stutter and stumble over her words.

Gibbs finally confiscated Ziva's weapon, but gave her the authority to headslap DiNozzo when the speakers' back was turned. He leaned back in his chair, fiddling with the cell phone he didn't really know how to work, thinking once again that there were days when he acted more like a high school principal than the team leader of Major Crime Response at NCIS.

Finally the seminar was finished, just before lunch, and Gibbs headed straight for Jenny's office, at this point ready to drag her out to eat something and to give them some space to talk. Cynthia shook her head when he walked in.

"I'm sorry Special Agent Gibbs, but the Director is not to be disturbed."

Never put off that easily, Gibbs simply ignored Jenny's assistant and reached for the door handle. It didn't move. He tried again, but to no avail. The door was locked. Gibbs stood and glared at the door for a minute, and when he heard Cynthia mutter, "I told you so," under her breath, he glared at her too. The only time Jenny's door was locked was when he was in there with her or she'd gone home.

Then he knew. She was trying to keep him away. Jenny had figured he'd try something to fix them after this morning, so she'd locked him out. Defeated for a moment, Gibbs left the office and walked slowly towards the elevator, preparing to tell Ducky that he'd tried. But somewhere between floors he hit the emergency stop switch and looked around the small metal box, an idea beginning to form. Smiling, he started the elevator again, got off at his floor, and picked up his phone.

"Duck? Jethro. It's time for Plan B. I need a favour."

He placed another phone call immediately after the first one concluded and when he put the phone down, Gibbs' next move was to change the order of the day.

"DiNozzo!" he snapped.

"Yes Boss!" Tony jumped up, glancing around nervously, wondering what he was in trouble for this time.

Gibbs tossed the Senior Field Agent his phone. "You're in charge."

Tony frowned. "Boss?"

Gibbs glared. "Don't get used to it. It's only for the rest of the day."

"Where are you going Gibbs?" Ziva asked.

"That, Officer David," Gibbs pointed at her, "is none of your business."

Sufficiently shut up, Ziva sat back down, glowering at Tony. "If you try to play Gibbs..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. You're going to find a painful way for me to die. I got it. Don't you think the death threats are getting old Zee-vah?" he smirked.

Ziva's eyes gleamed. "Perhaps. But there is always torture..."

Tony backed off, not wanting to know. "At ease Officer David," he mimicked Gibbs, "go about your business."

McGee kept quiet and stayed at his desk. Tony in charge, even for a few hours, meant dangerous things. Like campfires, unusual nicknames, orders he'd be forced to follow, and that hateful air of superiority Tony flaunted. The resident computer genius sighed. It was going to be a long day.

**NCIS**

Jenny answered the phone, the ring telling her the call came from her outer office.

"Yes Cynthia?"

"Dr. Mallard just called Ma'am. It seems you're wanted in Autopsy, but he wouldn't say what for."

Jenny smiled. _Ducky_. Of course he would want to help. Either Jethro had told him something was wrong, or the older man had figured it out himself. And anyways, she'd barely seen him in the last week and a half, not counting when he'd appeared in her office to examine her, so a visit was long overdue. Before she left the room, Jenny looked back, and on second thought grabbed the blue journal from Kristyn. Perhaps it would ease Ducky's mind to know that she was beginning to write things down.

**NCIS**

Gibbs knew the timing had to be perfect. He listened for the Director's office door to close, then heard the ding of the elevator arriving at the floor above him. Hurrying towards the back elevator, Gibbs pushed the down button, knowing it would have to stop for him. When the elevator stopped, Gibbs got on and waited for the doors to close, ignoring the look on his wife's face. A second later, he threw the emergency stop switch. Jenny faced him angrily.

"Jethro! What are you doing?" she asked, not in the mood for a talk, not in the mood for anything.

"We're going to talk Jen, whether you like it or not, and we'll stay here until we do," he told her calmly. "I have nowhere else to be today, Tony can handle anything that comes up for the team. And as we speak, Cynthia is clearing your schedule as well."

Jenny crossed her arms, spitting mad. "How dare you? You have no right to interfere like this Jethro."

Gibbs glared at her, letting his own emotions show for once. "I'm your husband Jen, I have every right!"

She flicked the switch and the elevator lit up for a second before Gibbs turned it off again and moved Jenny to the other side of the small room.

"I don't want this Jethro," she told him. "I'm fine. I don't want, or need, to talk about it."

"Did you know your right eye twitches when you're lying?"

_Infuriating man!_ Jenny clenched her teeth together and paced in the three foot space on her side of the elevator while Gibbs delivered the rest of his plan.

"I don't care if you get mad. I can handle it if you decide to hate me for trying to help. But by all that is holy Jen, I swear that I will not lose you. So go ahead, get comfortable. Do what you have to do. Cry, scream, hit me - I can take it." He gestured around. "This is a safe place. No one can hear you but me. And I brought ear plugs." He pulled them out of his pocket to show her.

Jenny was angry. She stood and glared at him for a full thirty seconds before ignoring her husband for the better part of ten minutes while he just stood and watched her. Finally she gave up on saying anything to make him let her out of this box, and slid to a sitting position with her back against the wall, still refusing to look at him.

**NCIS**

It had taken the team about two minutes to realize what it was Gibbs had done. And while McGee only threw a quick glance at his teammates before disappearing down to the lab to report the news to Abby and hopefully hide until the storm blew over, Tony and Ziva rushed to the back elevator doors and pressed their ears against the metal, listening for sounds and wondering what exactly was happening in there.

Tony looked at his partner. "What's going on in there? Think they killed each other?"

Ziva crossed her arms and glanced at him. "Here is a better question: if there was a fight, who would win?"

"Ooh...Ziva," he shook his head. "That is a dangerous idea." Tony's eyes glinted. "Wanna bet on it?"

"No Tony," she rolled her eyes. "I will not make one of your stupid bets on Gibbs and the Director." She shrugged. "I worked with Jenny, I know that she can fight. You saw her yesterday, you know she can fight."

"Yeah," Tony frowned, "but this is the Boss we're talking about Ziva. Gibbs the invincible. The outcome is obvious."

"If he were fighting against another guy maybe," Ziva pointed out, "but would Gibbs actually get into a physical fight with his wife?"

"How are you asking Ziva? There are so many different kinds of physical fights." He winked.

Ziva's eyes narrowed. "Tony..." she said in warning.

Tony got the message and backed off, shrugging his shoulders. "I don't know. But right now I would kill for there to be a camera in the elevator so we could hack into it. It must be one fireworks match that we're missing."

Ziva headed back to her desk. "If the doors open and Gibbs sees you standing there...you're going to see far more than fireworks Tony," she told him.

Having a funny feeling that she was right, Tony hurried to catch up, wanting to find a way to look busy for if and when Gibbs came back to the squadroom.

**NCIS**

Gibbs sat in the elevator opposite his wife, content to wait out her resistance. Because she couldn't get away, he knew she would eventually start to talk. Oh, Jenny was good at the silent treatment, but he also knew something was eating at her and it was about him. So he was going to hear about it sooner or later. At least, that was how it usually happened. Getting comfortable in the corner, Gibbs leaned his head back and pretended to sleep, keeping an eye on her through the slits in his eyelids. He didn't care that she was angry, he'd expected that. What he cared about was that she made it through this healing process leaving herself and their marriage in one salvageable piece.

Jenny huffed, once again glaring daggers at her husband, but it was obvious he didn't care. For all she knew, he was having a nice nap over there, while she was forced to sit here and do nothing but be angry with him. Actually, she was furious and what made it worse was that Gibbs wasn't acknowledging that. Arms crossed, features tight, heart rate elevated, Jenny sat stewing on the floor of the elevator, waiting to see who would break first.

The seconds ticked way into minutes and the minutes grew into an hour and still neither made a move or said a word. By now things had changed. Jenny had given up on being mad. It did her no good without anyone to actually fight with. So she'd looked at her journal, counted spots on the floor tiles, and played with her jewellery.

The butterfly necklace that sat near her heart reminded her that it stood for hope. And when she twisted her wedding and engagement rings off, the inscriptions couldn't help but catch her eye. _I promise to be yours_.._.Past, Present, Future_. It was the last word that held her attention and Jenny knew right then that if she wanted a future with her husband, which she did, that she would have to talk to him and they would have to work through all that lay broken between them from the last couple days.

She sighed, long and slow. "Okay," she finally bit out, not wanting it to look like giving in, "you want to talk, let's talk." Her arms were crossed, though not nearly as tightly as before. Jenny wasn't thrilled about this arrangement, but at least she was trying to communicate with her him.

Gibbs opened his eyes and looked at her. Finally he sat up and shrugged. "I listen for now. Tell me something you want to talk about."

That was something she hadn't seen coming. He was not going to drag answers out of her, he wanted her to open up and simply tell him what was wrong. _Why were the simplest things always the most complicated? _she wondered. Jenny bit her lip. Finally she took a deep breath and met his eyes, looking insecure instead of angry now. She picked the first thing she remembered that hurt.

"Why didn't you want to sleep with me Wednesday night?"

Her husband's eyes widened. "Jenny, I never like spending a night without you in bed beside me, no matter what is going on. I just thought I would give you and Rachel a chance for some girl talk. Can't do that with a guy in the room. At least," he smiled sadly, "that's what Kelly told me once."

_Gibbs knocked on his daughter's door one night while she and Maddie were having a sleepover. "Mind if I join you girls?" he asked, with a smile._

"_Daddy!" Kelly laughed, "You can't be here. We're having girl talk."_

_Gibbs raised his eyebrows. Girl talk, at eight? What were they talking about? he wondered. "Does girl talk mean no daddies?" he finally asked, not sure how to respond to that one._

"_Sorry Mr. Gibbs," Maddie said seriously, "we can't have girl talk with a guy in the room."_

"_Oh, but I just made pop-corn," he announced._

"_Ooh!" the girls squealed as he brought the bowl out from behind his back, reaching for it._

"_Ah, ah, ah...kiss first," he grinned._

_Both girls leaned up to kiss his cheeks. "Thank you Daddy," Kelly said._

_He stepped back to the door. "Have fun," Gibbs smiled, stepping out of the room._

"_Girl talk?" he sighed to Shannon minutes later as he sank down on the couch. "I'm not sure if I'm ready for this," he'd muttered amid her laughter._

_It had been a good night._

Jenny stared at him hard. "You didn't give up your place in our bed because something was wrong? You were so quick to volunteer and so I just...thought...maybe after that morning...really?" she asked.

Gibbs gave her a half-grin. "I spent most of the night wishing you were there beside me in the guest room bed. It's an okay place to sleep, but it didn't compare at all to us sleeping together." He looked at her curiously. "Is that why you were so quiet in the gym yesterday? You were mad about the sleeping arrangements?"

"I wasn't mad Jethro," Jenny said quietly, looking down. "I was hurt, thinking you didn't want to be with me, thinking you were avoiding or rejecting me because something was wrong and then being nice at work for appearance sake."

"Oh Jen," Gibbs sighed. "I don't pretend that well. I had no idea what was going on." He thought a moment and returned the question. "Why did you get Rachel to stay over again last night so I couldn't sleep with you?"

Jenny's cheeks went red. "I didn't want to give you the chance to find an excuse not to be in our room again. And I didn't know what to say to you, the day had been so messed up between us."

Gibbs reached out his hand towards her. "Jenny..."

She looked up at him, eyes still very troubled. Tentatively, she pushed her hand across the space, letting him hook their fingertips. But there was a flash of something in her green eyes and Gibbs didn't like it, not one bit.


	89. Chapter 89

"Tell me Jenny," he said softly, trying to keep his tone non-threatening. "Tell me about the dream."

Jenny's head jerked up and she withdrew her hand, wrapping her arms around herself. And he knew there was more going on than what she'd said.

"How...?" she asked, barely above a whisper.

"I was awake. I heard you call my name, and then the sound of you and Rachel talking." He waited to see if she would look at him. "Talk to me Jen, tell me what was so bad. Talking about it has got to be better than keeping it inside."

She shook her head. "Not this time."

Wondering what was going on in her mind right now, Gibbs waited. And waited. And waited. Calling on reserves of patience he hadn't actually realized he possessed, Gibbs waited to hear what his wife had seen. And then she told him, in short sentences full of painful words. Suddenly he understood why she'd turned on him this morning, why she'd said what she did. What could be worse than seeing the only safe man left in the same place as the one that made you afraid to begin with?

"I'm sorry Jenny," Gibbs whispered. "Im sorry I was there, in your dream. I'm sorry I wasn't there, to hold you when you woke up."

"I would've been afraid," her broken voice said.

"And I would've showed you there was nothing to fear," he countered, "it's what I've been trying to do for weeks."

"I know," Jenny nodded, finally looking up at him.

"Are you still afraid...now?" he ventured at last.

When she stared into his eyes, Gibbs felt bare. All defenses gone, all pretense stripped away. And again he waited, wondering, hoping, praying she'd find what she was looking for in the depths of the windows to his soul. Some of the tension drained away from Jenny's face when she finally finished her assessment.

"I think I need you now Jethro."

Those words were all he was waiting for. He smiled and opened his arms, and Jenny crawled across the floor to sit close by his side. Gibbs held her, relief streaming through him. Step one. With cautious, measured movements, Jenny put her left hand on his chest, and held it there to feel his heart. _Tha-thump, tha-thump_. The same familiar beat that had lulled her to sleep so many nights. Both hands then crept up to his face, running over the stubble he'd forgotten to shave in his hurry to leave this morning. Gibbs closed his eyes and savoured the feel of her hands on him. Two days felt like forever when someone thrived on touch as much as they did. Finally she leaned in and pressed her soft lips against his cheek.

"I'm sorry," she nestled her head on his shoulder. "All that hurt and frustration, all that distance because I jumped to conclusions."

"It takes two Jen. I should've explained. I should've talked to you long before now." He ran his hand up and down her back slowly, warming her inside and out.

Jenny's sigh was a release of two days worth of dark thoughts and painful wonderings and frankly, she was glad to let them go. A small laugh escaped.

"We are just one big mess, aren't we?"

Gibbs chuckled. "Some days I guess we are Jen. But the rest of the time I think we make up for it."

She nodded without moving away from him. Gibbs' eyes suddenly fell on an object on the other side of the elevator.

"What's the book Jen?"

If he hadn't been holding her, Gibbs might not have felt the way she flinched. There was silence, but like every other time, he waited it out.

"Kristyn gave it to me," Jenny explained at last. There was no sense in keeping secrets. "She's made it part of my therapy to write down, well...everything."

Gibbs didn't like the weight that was given to the last word. "Everything?"

She nodded. "I don't want to. I hate remembering it...writing it down makes it both real and permanent."

"Is it supposed to help?" he asked, frowning.

"Supposed to, that's what Kristyn said. And Rachel talked about journaling too." She shrugged. "It's a work in progress."

"What are you supposed to do?" Gibbs asked, figuring he might as well know.

"Write down something every day. She wants details about the forty hours, and my feelings about you and intimacy and a whole bunch of other things. I only just started it yesterday."

Gibbs debated asking the next question, but they were playing therapy now so he couldn't keep anything hidden. "Is it something you can share with me?"

Jenny appreciated the way her husband worded the question. She reached forward and picked up the blue book, running her hand protectively over the covers.

"One day, maybe, when I've had more time to process what is being written here. Not right now."

It was a fair answer and Gibbs appreciated her honesty more than Jenny knew.

They were content to sit in silence for awhile, Gibbs running his fingers over Jenny's hand in a soothing motion. He leaned his head against hers.

"I meant what I said in the gym, you and Ziva did a fantastic job."

She smiled, though he couldn't see it. "I know you wouldn't lie about that."

"How did it feel?"

"To fight again?" she clarified. "Like I'd never stopped. Being called 'Agent Shepard' took me back to Europe. Ziva and I used to do skills demonstrations all the time."

"I thought it would be good for you," Gibbs said quietly, waiting for the reaction. He'd hate for her to find out some other way. Better just to tell her now.

Jenny sat up and stared at him. "You set that up?"

He nodded. "Me and Ziva." He didn't like the look on her face. "I had to do something Jenny. Just telling you that you were a well trained and highly skilled individual wasn't going to restore your confidence in yourself. That was all I could think of."

Jenny felt a bit betrayed, but she could see it from her husband's point of view as well. "I wondered," she said softly.

Gibbs jerked his gaze towards her. "Really?"

She shrugged. "It seemed to fit with Ziva, but it did come out of nowhere. Still," she looked back at him. "I guess I can't get angry at you when it did help."

Gibbs brightened. "Good. That's all I wanted."

"Silly man," Jenny settled back against him, "that's all you ever want to do."

He would argue that, but she didn't hate him, so he didn't bother. It was a long time before he broke the silence to ask another question.

"Tell me about therapy yesterday?"

Jenny groaned. "She made me say it."

"Say what?"

Jenny pinched the bridge of her nose, repeating the words softly, hoping they wouldn't hurt him. "That I was raped. Something about saying it out loud..." She shrugged. "Maybe Dr. Renway is right, but I could say it a million times and I would still hate that word and what it means. It means everything has changed. It means you and I will always be different, always bear the scars of what happened that night." Jenny sighed. "I don't want it to be different Jethro. I just want us back."

Gibbs squeezed her tighter. "We'll always have us Jenny, that part's not going to change."

Jenny poked him in the arm. "You know what I mean."

"That will come Jenny, when you're ready."

"What if I want to be ready?"

Gibb's throat tightened. Whether they needed to be clarified or not, these questions were not helping his resolve to wait for her. He cleared his throat. "Then I guess that is a good first step."

Jenny could feel the tension in the way her husband's muscle's tightened and his breathing became heavier. She knew the feeling. All she could think about were how many days since they'd last enjoyed making love to each other. Because that was almost the same amount of days that Jenny had thought of it as abuse instead of love.

After a moment she continued. "We talked about flashbacks, lots of detail on that, mostly what I already know because they've been showing up. Kristyn wanted me to tell you something."

"Yeah?" he asked. "What's that?"

"I know I'm supposed to tell you what I need: how to respond in certain situations, what touch is alright, when things are making me nervous. But the truth is I don't always know what I need or what will help. Just so you know you're not alone in being uncertain."

"Good to know Jen," Gibbs replied, glad to be free of some of the weight. If even she didn't know, they would have to discover what worked together.

"I'm sorry, about what I said this morning," Jenny's words were pained. "I didn't mean it, not really. I hated that I was hurting but there was no one else, nowhere else to put all the feelings that the dream brought up. I trust you to keep your word Jethro."

Gibbs wove his fingers with hers. "Do you trust me for more than that?"

She screwed up her face. "What do you mean?"

"I mean you keep breaking trust into little pieces and deciding this piece is safe to give me and so is that piece. But what about the others?"

"I don't..." Jenny began.

"Example: when we went for our walk Tuesday night, you said you trusted me to keep you safe. Today you say you trust me to keep my word. But do you trust me for everything?"

Jenny had to look away from the truth in her husband's eyes. "I hadn't thought about it that way," she said after a moment.

Gibbs gently brought Jenny's face back towards him, caressing her cheek with his thumb. "And now?"

She sighed. "I think...that I'm re-learning trust a little at a time. Every time you do what you say you will, as you've always done, then that piece goes back into the puzzle that is my life." Jenny kept her eyes on his. "I don't suppose it will help if I tell you I want to be able to trust you for everything?"

Gibbs knew that just like every other time, for now Jenny was giving what she could. He hugged her close again. "It's enough Jen," he whispered.

Jenny relaxed against her husband, glad to be wrapped in his arms again. She hated when things were strained between them and it was happening so often now. She was grateful that he had kept fighting for them.

"Thank you," she said quietly, running her hand over his chest.

"For what?" Gibbs asked, curious.

Jenny laughed. "Locking us in the elevator so we could talk. It only would've gotten worse if we'd gone into the weekend like we were."

Gibbs twirled a piece of Jenny's hair around his finger. "Can't take all the credit."

"No?" Jenny lifted her head from his shoulder, wanting to see his face.

Gibbs rubbed the back of his neck. "Ducky was the one who talked some sense into me this morning."

Jenny's forehead wrinkled. "About what?"

"Us," he said sincerely, "and trying to work things out."

She traced the veins on his hand for a moment. "Did you want to give up on us Jethro?"

They'd settled her fears Tuesday night regarding her insecurities about their relationship, but being afraid to lose him would probably never leave her.

He shook his head. "I didn't want to give up Jen. It's just really, really hard to hope for things to get better when we're not talking, when I can't touch and hold you through this, when it feels like everything I try just makes this whole thing worse."

"I know," Jenny said slowly, "and I shouldn't always expect you to be the strong one, always being the one to fight to bring us back from the edge."

Gibbs took her hands in his. "I always want to be that for you Jenny, but I need you too."

Jenny saw it in his eyes, he was afraid to lose her as well. She just nodded and buried her face in his neck while her husband held her, their breathing rhythms blending and matching, their hearts beating in time with each other. There was no going back. There was only moving forward and the only way they could do that was together. Hand in hand, heart by heart, taking each step as one.

After a long time, Jenny looked at her watch and her eyebrows jumped up. "Jethro," she said slowly, "we've been in here for three hours."

Gibbs chuckled. "It's a good thing there's stairs then."

Jenny shoved his shoulder. "If we don't get this thing moving again, Maintenance is going to get sick of the phone calls and actually come take a look."

Gibbs brushed back her hair. "This was more important than keeping Maintenance's frustration level down." He shifted. "Although, when your back end starts to fall asleep, maybe it is time to wrap things up." He stood slowly, hearing the creaks and cracks in his knees and back.

He looked down at his wife and offered his hands to pull her up. Jenny accepted and suddenly they were standing face to face, mere inches separating them. Gibbs' eyes fell to Jenny's lips and she saw the need in them. She lifted her face to his, giving silent permission.

"Jen," he said her name so softly before his lowering his mouth and pressing his lips gently against hers. He had to stop himself from moaning in pleasure. He hadn't kissed her since Tuesday and he missed everything about her.

Gibbs worked his fingers into Jenny's hair, pulling her closer. Their kiss was not a reflection of passion, but rather a declaration of their desperate need for each other. It was comfort, love, two days of missing each other, and a lot of apology, all wrapped up in one.

They only parted to take a breath before Gibbs captured her lips again, deepening the kiss and taking her with him. When Jenny felt the tone change and his touch grow more urgent, she pulled back, breathing hard, and shook her head.

Immediately Gibbs started to apologize. "Sorry Jen. I didn't mean it to go that far."

He couldn't help wanting her, but he could try to control how much he let her see. Scaring her now that they were finally on their way back again was not an option.

Jenny wiped her lips, her eyes twinkling, not frightened. She leaned in and kissed him lightly on the cheek. "Not in the elevator Jethro," she whispered, leaving him hoping for more of this closeness later.

Right now Gibbs didn't care if they even got close to sex in the near future. What he really wanted was just to be with her, whatever that meant now. He squeezed her hand as she flipped the elevator back into service.

"I love you Jen."

She looked back at him and Gibbs was so glad to see the light and openness back in her eyes. Jenny wasn't hiding her heart from him anymore. The elevator dinged and Jenny stepped in close to kiss him quickly.

"I love you more," she whispered, leaving with a smile.

Gibbs leaned against the back wall as the doors closed again and the elevator began to descend. He couldn't keep the smile off his lips.

"Not even possible," he murmured to the empty air.

Closing his eyes, he took a moment to be extremely thankful (to God, maybe?) for what had happened today. Perhaps, finally, they were on the right track.


	90. Chapter 90

Abby punched McGee in the shoulder, glaring at him.

"Ow!" he complained, making a face at her. "What was that for?"

"I told you we should've put hidden cameras in the elevator. If we had, now we'd be able to access them and see what's going on. But nooo...people deserve their privacy when they're in the conference room," Abby grumbled, crossing her arms.

"Abby," McGee tried, "you know that wouldn't be a good idea. Something has been going on between Gibbs and the Director for the last couple days. Whatever it is, they don't need anyone else watching while they work it out."

"The camera's wouldn't have to have sound," she tried to bargain.

"You can read lips," he reminded her. "It's the same amount of privacy invasion if people can't have a conversation without you knowing what they're saying."

Abby relaxed a little, giving into the subtle pleading in McGee's voice, the gentle press of his hands on her shoulders.

"I know," she gave in. "But I still want to know."

McGee leaned forward from behind and pecked her on the cheek. "I know Abbs."

Just then Ducky came in the lab door. "Hello my dears, what are we up to this fine afternoon?"

"Wishing I'd put hidden cameras in the elevators last month," Abby smiled, shooting a teasing glance at McGee and moving forward to hug the older man.

"Still no case Timothy?" Ducky asked.

"Nope." Tim shoved his hands in his pockets. "It's been really quiet this week. Which probably means that next week will be so busy we won't even have time to sleep."

"An unfortunate effect of Murphy's Law, I'm afraid." Ducky looked back at Abby. "Abigail, why are you wishing for cameras in the lift?"

Abby shrugged. "To see what Gibbs and the Director are doing."

The ME raised an eyebrow. "If they wanted witnesses, their discussion would've happened in the hallway Abby," he reminded her.

Abby eyed him suspiciously. "Do you know what's going on with them Ducky?"

He pondered the question. "I know something, but I don't think it's my place to share confidences."

She frowned. "Well, you're no fun."

Ducky chuckled. "If it was your privacy I was respecting, I think you'd feel differently."

"Maybe," Abby sighed, "but I don't have any good secrets for you to keep, so it doesn't count."

"You may, someday," Ducky said. "Well, I suppose I better get back and see what Mr. Palmer is up to." He shook his head. "That boy needs constant supervision."

"Okay Ducky," Abby smiled. "And if you get bored with him, send him my way. We can find something to do here."

Ducky shook his finger at her. "No super glue Abigail. I need my assistant fully functioning when you're done with him."

Abby rolled her eyes. "I know, I know. Already heard about it from Gibbs."

Once Ducky left, McGee leaned back against the metal table and crossed his arms. "Did you enjoy the movie last night Abby?"

She turned around, eyes sparkling. "Oh, were we supposed to be watching a movie Tim?" she said coyly. "I thought you'd suggested cornering me in a darkened theater for an entirely different reason." A teasing smile played on her lips, though McGee was thinking about a way to get it off.

"Fine," he humoured her and rephrased the question, grinning. "Did you enjoy not watching the movie last night?"

She leaned closer to him, her breath tickling his cheek. "Oh, very much so. I might even be up for a repeat sometime."

"How about now?" McGee pulled her close and brought his lips down to hers.

Abby gave in for a moment before she pulled back. "Gibbs said..." she tried to protest, but Tim didn't let her finish.

Just before their lips touched, Gibbs strode in, his expression between a glare and a grin. The two of them jumped apart, avoiding their boss's eyes, guilt written all over their faces.

"Gibbs' exact words were 'no making out in the lab'," he repeated, frowning at the couple. He sighed. "Do not make me enforce a hands off policy in this lab." Gibbs jerked his head towards the door. "McGee, upstairs."

The agent glanced longingly at Abby for a moment, then reluctantly headed for the stairs.

Gibbs looked back at Abby. "Looks like interesting things happen when I leave you unsupervised Abs. I thought you were going to behave."

Abby spread her hands innocently, still looking like a little girl awaiting Daddy's punishment. "Not my strong suit?" she said, the inflection in her voice making it a question instead of a statement.

He shook his head at her. "Well, you're lucky I'm not down here to make sure you're following the rules."

Abby brightened, glad for a different topic. "What can I do for you, oh fearless leader?"

Gibbs sighed, unused to asking for help, although he was getting a lot of practice these days. Finally he just decided to say it. "I'm looking for something that will help Jenny relax. She...hasn't been sleeping all that well and I thought you might know of something that would help."

Abby's eyes shadowed. "How bad is it?" she asked softly.

"Not as bad as it was, in some ways." He ran a hand through his hair. "She's been having some pretty nasty dreams though. And she's still not a huge fan of the dark."

The forensic scientist gestured for Gibbs to follow her into her office. Rummaging around in a drawer, she came up with a small, amber vile of clear liquid and handed it to him.

"This is lavender essential oil. Try putting a few drops on her pillow case. It helps with relaxation and is supposed to be very soothing." She smiled at Gibbs. "My parents used to use it for me and my brother after we woke from bad dreams."

Gibbs leaned in and kissed her on the cheek. "Thanks Abs."

"Tell Jenny if she ever needs anything..." Abby offered hesitantly, not sure how to word what she wanted to say. "Well, tell her that there's lots of people here that love her." She shrugged. "Remind her that we're a family Gibbs."

He couldn't help it. She looked so sweet and unsure standing there, wanting to help but not knowing how. Gibbs pulled Abby into his arms and held her tight.

"I'll tell her Abs. Sometimes the most important things are the easiest ones to forget." He headed for the elevator, flashing Abby the sign for 'I love you' before the doors closed. Her grin lit up the room. Just like others he knew, she could never hear it, or see it, enough.

**NCIS**

Jenny felt like the whole day had just gotten brighter. Heck, her whole week looked like a ray of sunshine now. It didn't matter that the last couple of days she had been close to despair. They had talked, they had made up, they had almost started making out. She smiled and touched her lips. All that mattered was that they were back where they belonged, together. But now there was still work to be done.

Cynthia looked up in surprise when Jenny walked into her office. "Director? I thought you were away for the rest of the day."

Jenny lifted one eyebrow. "And who told you that?"

Cynthia looked down at her keyboard. "Well, Special Agent Gibbs was the one who called. But seeing as you're married...well, I figured he would know."

Jenny smiled. "It's alright Cynthia. And I'm glad the rest of my day is clear. I still have paperwork and files cluttering up my desk, it would be nice to get through them and leave at a normal time of day for once."

Cynthia smiled and handed her a stack of messages. "The paperwork may have to wait Ma'am. Unfortunately the Director of NCIS is a fairly popular lady, especially when she disappears for a few hours. These all need to be returned or seen to."

Suppressing the urge to roll her eyes, Jenny accepted the messages. "Thank you Cynthia. I suppose I will be in my office until at least after sunset now."

And if her husband had been busy with a case, Jenny's prediction might have come true. As it was, he was merely counting down the seconds until the clock reached a reasonable enough time to send his agent's home without arousing too much suspicion that maybe Gibbs was eager to leave the building for once as well.

At precisely 1705, Gibbs tapped his knuckles on Jenny's door and poked his head inside. She looked up and met him with a smile.

"Jethro. What are you doing here?"

He glanced pointedly at the clock. "I've come to collect my wife. Time to go home."

She raised her eyebrows. "Oh, leaving at a normal time for once, are we? This must be a special occasion. Or is there something at home that you're looking forward to?"

Unable to express the joy he felt at her gentle teasing, Gibbs rounded the desk and planted himself right in front of Jenny. "All of the above," he admitted, leaning down to kiss her.

Jenny leaned back with a smile. "Did kissing suddenly become a novelty Jethro?"

He looked into her eyes and held them, his suddenly serious. "When there are times you're not sure you're going to be able to still do that, then yeah Jen, every opportunity becomes like the first one."

Jenny's hand found the center of Jethro's chest, the same place she always rested her hands. He grasped her elbows to help her stand.

"I suppose I could be persuaded to leave now, since you're offering."

Gibbs reached for her coat. "And if you're going to be stubborn about it, I would have to insist."

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Contrary to popular belief, I am not stubborn just to frustrate you. It happens to be a character trait."

"Does it now?" he grinned.

"And of course, you've never been accused of having that particular trait now, have you?"

"Well, if anyone has noticed, they haven't had the nerve to say it to my face."

"I may be the only one with enough nerve then..." she trailed off. "But I am lucky that you are so stubborn Jethro. It's what is getting us through this together."

Gibbs caught her hand and they walked out the door together and into the waiting elevator. Instead of G, for ground floor, Gibbs pressed B4, for Level 4 of the basement. Jenny looked at him curiously.

"I thought we were going home?"

"One last thing before we head out Jen." He kissed away the look on her face. "It's nothing bad, I promise you."

Jenny wasn't sure about that. She knew what was on Level 4. The question was, was she up for it? But after the last couple of days, she couldn't back out now. She was tired of being scared, of feeling like she couldn't stop bad things from happening. Yesterday had proved that she still had the skills to fight for herself. Tonight would hopefully teach her another good lesson.


	91. Chapter 91

Somehow, it was always the four of them that ended up in Abby's lab after they'd been let off early for the night. Sometimes they stood around and talked, sometimes he and Ziva watched Abby and McGee battle it out on one of their video games, sometimes Abby just held Bert and they would all sit on the floor playing some game no one except grade schoolers indulged in anymore. But no matter what the day had held or how bad the case was, it was always still the team that ended up together at the end of the day.

There had been no case today, no hard memories for any of them to try to forget in a group, because going home to face an empty house had no appeal. No one had died, there had been no arguments or tempers flaring, no one had even gotten severely headslapped. But still there was a feeling of solemnity in their gathering. Mostly, Tony guessed, due to Abby's mood. The music had been off when they got there, and Abby was sitting at her desk, barely greeting any of them with more than a sad 'hello'.

So here they all stood, in Abby's office, waiting to see what was wrong with the little sister of the family. McGee was perched on the desk beside her, holding one of her hands in his. Ziva stood to the side, arms crossed, in a soldier at rest stance. And Tony? Well, Tony was wracking his brain trying to come up with a joke to crack that would make everyone laugh and ease the tension. But nothing appropriate or even inappropriate seemed right, so he kept quiet too.

At last Ziva could not take anymore silent waiting. She walked over and knelt in front of Abby's chair. It had been a long time for them, getting to the point of friendship, but now they had a good one and that is what Ziva was hoping to draw on.

"What is wrong, Abby?" she asked softly.

Abby sniffed and Tony hoped to goodness that she wasn't going to cry. He did not do well with girls and tears.

Ziva did not think Abby was going to answer her question. But Abby surprised her by saying quietly. "We're supposed to be a family." She looked up at them with watery eyes. "Right? We're still a family, aren't we guys?"

Both of the 'boys' hastened to assure her that they were, very much so.

"But it's not helping," she said sadly.

"Not helping who, Abby?" Ziva continued questioning her.

Abby avoided their eyes and gave Bert a good squeeze. "Jenny."

It was like someone had tossed a blanket over the room, thick and suffocating. Ziva looked up at Tony, at a loss for what to say now. It seemed like McGee should be the one to say something, he was her boyfriend after all, but he looked just as much without words as Ziva did. Tony sighed, knowing that as Senior Field Agent and the unofficial big brother of the team, it was his job to try to help Abby.

"We are a family Abs," he said slowly, "but that doesn't mean we always get it right or know what to do. I mean, what do you say to someone who has been..." he struggled with the wording, "hurt and damaged the way Jenny was? Gibbs knows her best, so we've let him take the lead on how to help her." Tony didn't feel like his explanation was doing any good. Perhaps they really had all failed, dropped the ball, so to speak, with Jenny.

"We could've asked how she was doing! We could've done...something!" Abby cried, angry that there was no way to help.

McGee finally stepped up to take a stab at the situation. "What if she just said fine, Abby? What if she didn't want anyone else to know how much it was bothering her? You can't force someone to let you care. The Director, she's...like Gibbs."

"But if she won't ask for help, couldn't we just give it anyways?" There had to be another answer.

"She may not want our help, Abby," Ziva tried again. "Jenny knows that we are a family. She knows that we all care for her. And she may just want us to all stay the same, to assure herself that something in her life could still be normal."

Tony raised his eyebrows. Sometimes his partner made a lot of sense. "She was not comfortable with all of our attention the first day she came back to work. I do not think that would have changed as more days were added to that number."

Abby rubbed her eyes. "I just feel like we've failed, y'know? I mean, she and Gibbs, they'd do anything for us. But when something awful happens to her, no one knows what to do."

"You can never know what to do when tragedy strikes Abby," Ziva knew this from personal experience. "Sometimes you can just love people from a distance, and you have to hope that is enough."

Abby squeezed McGee's hand. "Do you think it will be enough, Tim? Do you think the Director knows that we love her, even if we never tell her?"

McGee leaned over and kissed his girlfriend on the cheek. "I think she can't help but know Abby. And if you feel like telling her once in awhile," he smiled then, "well, you'd probably get away with it better than the rest of us."

Some of the sparkle was coming back into Abby's eyes. "Benefit of being the youngest, I guess," she smiled. "I don't get headslapped or yelled at."

"No Abs," Tony tugged one of her braids, "Gibbs just grounds you from Caf-Pows instead."

"Almost as bad!" she argued. She looked back and forth between them all. "So, 'family', what are we doing this weekend?"

As soon as Abby uttered those words, the other three knew that whatever plans they had previously had, were now going to be replaced by whatever would make Abby feel like everything was going to be okay.

Tony shrugged and Ziva stood up again. "What do you suggest Abby?"

Her face lit up, she loved getting to choose. "Well, we could do pizza tonight. Maybe...take over Tony's livingroom for a James Bond marathon?"

They all looked at Tony. "Hey, who am I to protest an evening with the best secret agent ever...and my best friends?" He didn't get emotional or touchy-feely very often, but sometimes people just needed to know what was already obvious.

Ziva smiled. "I could cook for us tomorrow night, a dinner party maybe? We could invite Ducky and Jimmy. Gibbs and Jenny too, if they don't have other plans."

Abby squirmed in her chair. "Will you all come to church with me on Sunday?" It had been awhile since anyone but Gibbs had taken her up on the standing offer.

McGee checked silently with the others first. "I think that can definitely be arranged Abbs."

She grinned. "It's a family weekend then. So..." she looked excited, "think we can find some ice cream to go with that pizza later?" Abby gave Tim a look that only he understood, remembering the last time they shared dessert. Tony and Ziva now looked very curious.

"For you Abs, anything," Tony grinned, pulling her to her feet for a hug that nearly crushed the breath out of him. He looked around the room at his teammates. No partying for him this weekend, but Tony also knew that he wouldn't have it any other way.

**NCIS**

Jenny and Gibbs stepped out of the elevator on Basement Level 4, where the indoor shooting range was housed, still holding hands, although Jenny was starting to drag her feet a little.

"Jethro," she began. "I'm not sure..."

He turned around and gave her a look. "You can do this Jenny. I think you need to do this."

They stashed their things in the cubbies provided, and Gibbs picked up their weapons at the counter, leading her to an empty station. It was relatively quiet tonight, there were only two other shooters besides them. Jenny felt her hands start to tremble. The last time she'd been this close to a gun, it had been held to her head. Gibbs looked at her sharply and took her hands in his, rubbing away the shakes.

"Look at me Jenny," he commanded, wanting and needing her full attention. "You have done this hundreds of time. I've seen you out shoot me. You can do this," he reminded her, before placing the gun in her hands. "Now show me what you can do Jen."

Jenny didn't even have time to think. As soon as the cool, sleek, metal weapon was in her hands, she picked up a clip, loaded it, knocked the first bullet into the chamber and pointed it at the target, lining it up dead center. It was so natural, all in one swift movement. She allowed herself a small smile before training her concentration on the small, black target at the other end of the range. Without a pause, she squeezed off six rounds, embedding them in center of mass. Gibbs stood beside her with the earmuffs on, looking very proud.

A bell rang to signal the end of that shoot and the targets zipped up to meet them. Gibbs pulled hers down. "Nice shooting Jen!" he complimented her. "That bad guy was going nowhere with you around." He held her eyes. "How did it feel?"

Jenny sighed. "Right. Like it's what I was supposed to do."

"It's in your training and in your blood Jen. I'd want you watching my back any day."

She grinned at him. "Are you going to start taking me in the field with you again Jethro?"

As much as Gibbs loved remembering when they were partners at work, always covering each other's six, some days he really liked that she was safely in an office instead of facing shoot outs with drugged up dirtbags.

"You were, are, a fine agent Jen. But I guess I'll let you keep your day job." His eyes twinkled. "But when we're off duty, my back is all yours."

The teasing was straying slightly into dangerous and heretofore uncharted waters, so Gibbs left it at that. Jenny put her gun down and stepped back from the open window.

"My turn?" he asked.

"It's all yours. Knock 'em dead."

"I'll do my best." He faced the target, sighing his gun. While it was a far cry from the sniper rifle that used to be an extension of his arm, this Sig was a good companion when facing down those who wanted him shot, and preferably dead.

The bell rang to signal the beginning of the next round. Without even a blink, Gibbs aimed for center of mass and repeatedly squeezed the trigger. When his target came up, Jenny laid hers beside his.

"Looks like we're both pretty good at this game," she said with a smile, then frowned when she realized his cluster of shots was tighter than hers. She wrinkled her nose. "I want a rematch."

"Feeling a little competitive, Director?" he asked.

"Just need to prove my superiority in every aspect of duty, Special Agent Gibbs," she said, flaunting an over the top air of authority.

His eyes narrowed. "You're on lady. Four rounds each?"

"Tightest cluster wins," she agreed.

"Is there a prize for winning?" Gibbs asked, curious to see how far this would go.

"For that, you'll have to wait until we get home," she replied saucily, stepping up to the window.

They took turns this time and shot at the same target, just on different sides. All the nervousness that Jenny had felt when she stepped foot on this floor melted away and she was Agent Shepard again, going up against the bad guys and trying to prove she was good enough to be on Gibbs' team. When the targets came back, it was clearly a tie.

"No winners, no losers, best way to play," Gibbs remarked philosophically, draping his arms around Jenny's shoulders as they turned in their weapons and headed back to the elevator.

"I could've beat you, you know," she grinned.

"Next time Jen, I'll hold you to that."

Their drive home that night was peaceful, and simply the fact that they were making it together made tonight different from the rest of the week. It was dark and quiet when they made it to Jenny's house. A note on the door from Noemi said that dinner was being kept warm in the oven, but she had to leave early to take Marisol somewhere. Secretly, Jenny was glad it was just she and Gibbs that night. There had been too many people and things between them this week.

"I'm going to change," Jenny announced as soon as her coat was on the hook.

"I'll get a fire on, it's chilly tonight. I think I'm going to want a shower before dinner though," Gibbs responded, walking into the livingroom.

As normal as that statement was, Jenny couldn't help feeling a little frustrated as she climbed the stairs to their bedroom. If things were like they had been between the couple, Jenny would've volunteered to share the shower with her husband, and perhaps they wouldn't even have made it as far as dinner. But tonight she would know that he was up there without her, and Jenny wasn't sure when it would be like before.

Once she was clothed in much more comfortable attire than what she wore to work, Jenny came downstairs in socked feet, pleased to hear the crackling of flames from the livingroom. She sank down on the couch as her body drank in the warmth of the fire.

"Mmm," she smiled, closing her eyes. "That feels really nice. Thank you Jethro."

Once again treating kisses as if they were his new favourite candy, Gibbs leaned down to touch his lips to hers. "Anytime Jen. I'm going to go grab that shower. See you in a few."

Jenny nodded. "Take your time, I've got a phone call to make."

As soon as she heard the water start running, Jenny leaned forward and reached for the phone sitting on the coffee table. Curling up on the couch, she dialed what she knew was going to become a very familiar number.


	92. Chapter 92

It rang three times before Rachel answered it with a rushed, "Hello?"

"It's Jen," she smiled.

"Ahh...I see somebody is trying to keep me from playing intervention. Right on time _mi amiga_." Rachel had spent several spring breaks in Mexico, volunteering at an orphanage supported by the people in her church, and she loved to throw in random Spanish whenever it fit.

Jenny waited a beat but only heard silence. "Aren't you going to ask me?" she prompted.

"Ask you what, exactly?" Rachel teased.

Jenny rolled her eyes. "If I did what I was supposed to do and then call you?" she reminded her friend.

"Oh that," Rachel said it slowly, as if she'd forgotten. "Well, did you?"

"Did I what?" Jenny grinned. Two could play this game.

"Jennifer!" her friend huffed in frustration. "Did you or did you not talk to your husband so I won't have to come over there and help you out with that?"

"I did," Jenny said simply.

"Come on Jen, you're killing me here! Aren't you even going to give me details? I know something has changed, I can hear it in your voice. It's all...light and airy tonight."

Jenny shook her head. She briefly recounted the awkward morning fight after Rachel left, and then Gibbs very creative way of making sure they actually talked.

"Aww...I knew I was going to like him," Rachel said at last, sighing happily.

Jenny was quiet for a moment. "Ever have someone who loved you so much he wouldn't let you push him away? Who kept coming back no matter what happened or how awful you treated him?"

Rachel smiled sadly, remembering before she answered. "Robert," she said, referring to her first real boyfriend after college. "He's the one who finally got me through healing after 'the act'."

"I remember him," Jenny said slowly. "You used to write about him, and talk about him all the time. What ever happened to him Rach?"

She sighed. "He was wounded after two tours in Iraq. Robert was...never the same after he came home. I tried...I tried to help him Jen, but I couldn't help him heal like he helped me. Nothing worked. He could never forget or get past what he'd seen there, what he'd done." Rachel paused, trying to quell the emotions the situation still brought up in her. "He killed himself a couple of years ago," she finished softly.

"Oh Rach, I'm so sorry."

"Me too. For a long time I thought he would be the one Jen."

"I know hun."

The two friends sat in silence for several moments. There was no point in Jenny telling her friend that there would be another guy someday, the right one this time, who would never leave her. When you loved someone and then they're gone, no amount of platitudes can make it hurt any less.

Finally, Jenny changed the subject completely. "So, tell me about this morning. What do you think of the Naval Academy? Did you meet your co-workers or boss? I think you're going to do great there Rach, really."

It wasn't like she was belittling her friend's hurt, there was simply no more that could be said on the subject, so it was better to try and find something to talk about that would put the happiness back in Rachel's voice. Her friend let out a deep breath, as if letting go again. Then she launched into a play by play of her day, while Jenny listened and nodded and said, 'Uh huh', 'oh really?', 'no way!', 'you didn't!', and all the other things that let Rachel know she was paying attention.

The phone conversation was just wrapping up when Gibbs came downstairs in sweats, bare feet, and one of his staple NIS t-shirts, from the old days.

"Thanks for everything Rach," Jenny said at last. "I owe you one."

"Nah, that's what friends are for Jen," Rachel smiled again. "Besides, if we started keeping track you know I would always be in debt to you."

"Somehow I doubt that," Jenny laughed. "Have a good weekend Rach. Maybe we can get together sometime next week and you can tell us all about your new job. You'll have to come see NCIS sometime too."

"I'd love to Jen. Tell Jethro I say hello. See you later."

"Bye," Jenny finally said, and clicked the phone off. She smiled up at her husband. "That was my check in call for tonight. If we hadn't talked by now, Rachel was going to come over and take Kristyn's place for a night."

He sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her waist. "I'm really glad it didn't go that far."

"Me too." Jenny snuggled into him. "The best part is that now we have all weekend just to relax, or go do something fun. I don't know what. But I feel like this huge weight has been lifted off my chest and now I can breathe and smile and stop worrying that we're so far away."

"Agreed," Gibbs nodded. Then his stomach growled. "Umm...supper?" he asked.

Jenny smiled. "Sounds like a good idea to me."

In the kitchen, Gibbs got out glasses and filled them with Jenny's juice of the month. She would get on these crazy kicks once in awhile, pick a new favourite, and crave it for weeks. This month it was mango juice. Last month had been vegetables and dip. He couldn't remember the one before that, but he was glad that his life with Jenny never had time to be boring.

While he was taking care of drinks, Jenny reached into the oven and pulled out two tinfoil covered plates using the oven mitts. She couldn't tell what it was quite yet, but it smelled heavenly. Jenny peeled the tinfoil back and took a peek. Steam wafted out and Jenny closed her eyes and took a breath.

"Jethro," she smiled, "Noemi made lasagna!"

He shook his head. "She always knows what would taste good on a particular night. There's hardly a meal more comforting than homemade lasagna.." Two forks appeared out of the drawer and they settled at the table with their dinner.

Jenny took her first bite and chewed slowly, swallowing cautiously to test out her stomach's reaction. To her surprise, there was nothing, and she chanced a second bite. Gibbs shoveled in two big bites of the pasta, cheese and meat before looking at Jenny. She was actually eating. He counted four bites in less than that many minutes, and he wondered if things were finally starting to get better.

"Not bad, huh?" he asked.

Jenny swallowed and nodded. "It's amazing. Thank God for Noemi. We certainly couldn't cook anything like this!"

"I will have you know..." he began, ready to defend his honour in the kitchen.

Jenny pointed her fork at him. "I know Jethro, you're a perfectly capable cook. And I agree, as long as it's something that can be barbequed. But after that," she shrugged one shoulder, "I'm pretty sure you're down to Kraft Dinner. Which, by the way, is food an eight year old can make unsupervised."

Gibbs glared at her and she laughed. "Stop making fun of me woman," he growled. "I have a very delicate ego."

"I'm sure you do honey," Jenny smirked at him, "won't happen again."

"Is that a promise?" he grumbled.

"You know your life would be boring without me around!" Jenny retorted. "Just you and your boat and your bourbon in that basement."

He let her have that one. As much as he missed his boat some days, he certainly wouldn't trade extra time with it for what he had with Jenny. They went back to their meal, content with the silence, not having to fill it with words now that everything that mattered had been said.

After days with barely any food, Jenny couldn't even finish half of her supper, but the good news was that she stopped because she was full, not because she was afraid to be sick. She considered that progress. They loaded the dishwasher and Gibbs started coffee while Jenny put on the kettle for tea. Because she was experimenting with decaf coffee (which they didn't keep in the house for obvious reasons), tea was easier to make for now.

With steaming cups in hand they drifted towards the fire warmed livingroom. For once Gibbs was the one suggesting they put on a movie, wanting some background noise while they enjoyed their drinks. Jenny had a hard time finding a movie that fit her mood, and finally settled for a romantic comedy, knowing that it would be funny even if she wasn't paying attention to every word.

When they sat down Gibbs reached over and put his hand over hers, both resting on her leg. Jenny just smiled and sipped her tea, willing tonight to be peaceful, free from all that had been plaguing them for weeks. About halfway through the movie, both coffee and tea were consumed, and so were Jenny and Gibbs...with each other. It had started out with his arm around her shoulders while she leaned against him. Then he ran a hand down her arm. Pausing there, he played with her fingers for awhile, before slowly stroking her leg.

At that point Jenny couldn't ignore him any longer, and looked up to smile at him. That was all it took. Gone was any restraint and suddenly Gibbs was kissing his wife, holding her, touching her, loving the feel of her against him. He broke for air and slowly kissed down her neck. Jenny tensed, and put a finger over his lips. It was in her eyes that she still needed him to go slow, to be patient, and he got the message without her saying a word.

Gibbs pulled Jenny into his lap facing him, her knees on either side of his body. The movie was completely forgotten as their kissing resumed. Short kisses, long kisses, kisses bordering on the side of passionate that took them places they couldn't go just yet. And when neither of them had any breath left, Jenny fell off of him, resting her legs on his lap and laying back on the couch. She was laughing softly.

"Jethro, I feel like I'm sixteen again, making out with my boyfriend in the driveway."

He raises his eyebrows, trying to get his own breathing under control. "Is that so? Well, I certainly hope you enjoyed this," he kissed her hand, "more."

She rolled her eyes. "Of course." Leaning up on her elbows, Jenny checked the time. Not near as late as it could be, why was she so tired? "Jethro?" she asked.

It took Gibbs a minute before he could look at Jenny without being totally affected. Her sitting in his lap kissing him, and smiling in a way that showed him she was truly enjoying the moment, wreaked havoc with his patience. His body wanted so much more of Jen than he'd just gotten. But the rest of him was trying to be content with what they could do.

"Yeah?"

The look on her face told Gibbs that she saw a whole lot more than he wanted her to. Did he really think he could hide anything from her? She was his wife. She loved him, she knew him, probably better than anyone else in the world. Close seconds were Ducky and Abby; after that Tony, who had stuck the longest; and Ziva, whose observation skills made hiding things difficult.

"You need to stop looking at me like that," Jenny informed him quietly, redirected from what she was about to say.

Gibbs concentrated on her legs draped over him, ran his hand up and down from her knee to her ankle. "Can't exactly help it Jen."

She laced their fingers. "I know. I'm..." but Gibbs interrupted.

"No apologies Jen. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty. There's just some...things I don't have that much control over."

Her eyes shadowed. Oh to just be able to release this tension both of them felt! But there was only one way that was going to happen, and it couldn't happen right now. "I know," she replied. "I think maybe...it's bedtime? For me at least."

Bill's advice about going to bed at the same time echoed in Gibbs' head. "I could sleep," he said at last.

Jenny didn't move right away and was reluctant to get up when she finally did move. But she shut the TV and lights off while Gibbs banked the fire and dealt with the alarm. He took her hand again as they climbed the stairs together and they took turns brushing their teeth and getting into pyjamas, still not able to do that in the same room.

Jenny was reading her book when Gibbs curled up beside her in their bed. After two nights away, he practically felt like one of them had been out of town, and was just now getting back. Gently he tugged the novel from her hands. "C'mere Jen," he suggested, "let me hold you for awhile."

Having no problem with that, Jenny gladly put her book away. But instead of staying on her side, she crawled over her husband and settled on his side of the bed. Gibbs gave her a strange look. She shrugged.

"It's where I slept when Rachel stayed over," she explained.

That was unusual and Gibbs was curious. "Why?"

Jenny wiggled down under the covers, mumbling something into the blankets.

"What was that Jen? I didn't quite catch it."

She glared at him. "Because this side of the bed smells like you! Happy?"

He grinned. "Very. So you like sleeping on the side of the bed that reminds you of me?"

"Fishing for compliments Jethro?" Jenny asked dryly.

"As a matter of fact, I might be. Just what is so great about the smell of my side of the bed?"

Jenny rolled her eyes. Then she realized it might be a serious question and knit her eyebrows together. "You really don't know?" He shook his head, not hiding anything. "Well," she smiled alluringly, deciding to share, "first there's your pillow. I especially love it when you come to bed right after you shower, because then your pillow smells like that Old Spice shampoo you use."

"Oh really?" Gibbs asked, a smile of pleasure stealing across his lips. He hadn't expected to learn something new tonight, but here his wife was sharing little details he hadn't known before.

"Yes really," she said, tracing her fingers over the cream coloured sheets. "And right here, where you sleep, it always carries this subtle scent of sawdust, and something that is uniquely...you." She shrugged. "This is where I sleep when you're out overnight on a case, or when you have to be gone for a few days. I lie here and imagine that I can feel your warmth on this spot, and imagine that I was in your arms, where I'm supposed to be. And the worst part was laying here and smelling you for two nights, knowing you were down the hall and not sure if you wanted to come back."

Gibbs tugged her closer, wrapping his arms around her and holding her close. "Jen...I didn't know," he whispered.

"Some things I never think to tell you," Jenny responded softly.

"I'm glad you did." He hugged her. "It makes me feel...special," Gibbs finished, not completely pleased with the word but also unable to find one that communicated his thoughts better.

Jenny snuggled against his chest, smoothing down his shirt. She frowned, fighting with herself for a moment. There was something she wanted, but whether it would make things better or just harder, she wasn't sure.

"Jethro," she called his name.

Gibbs was feeling very relaxed, with Jenny laying on him, and no secrets between them anymore. "Hmm?"

"You can...take your shirt off...if you want." Jenny tried to word it so that she wasn't asking, but letting him decide if her laying against his bare chest would be frustrating for him.

Her husband looked down at her, a question in his eyes. But he left it unvoiced, and Jenny sat up so he could get out of his t-shirt. Progress was sometimes hard to measure, but with a request like that and the realization that Jenny was in shorts and a tank top to sleep tonight, Gibbs realized something was changing. When he lay back down again, Jenny nestled beside him, just as she had been before.

Jenny smiled as she rested her cheek on Jethro's chest. His skin was warm, his heartbeat comforting and familiar. She ran her fingers in little circles through his chest hair, liking the way it felt. Gibbs certainly couldn't complain. Jenny still wasn't touching him much, but this was so natural, so like how they had been, that he couldn't help but enjoy it. After awhile, she just curled her arm around his neck and closed her eyes. She couldn't remember that last time she'd felt this relaxed, whether it was a week ago or a year ago, but what she did know was that falling asleep was so easy, she couldn't even remember the moment it happened.

**NCIS**

Sometime, in the darkest hours of the middle of the night, Gibbs woke up. He lay still for several moments, trying to work out just what pulled him from sleep. There was silence in the room, and no movement. Jenny was... he propped himself up on one elbow. Jenny was not in their bed. He remembered the last time that happened, but no matter how hard he listened, he did not hear any sounds of crying.

Scanning the room, Gibbs blinked bleary eyes and found his wife, standing at the uncurtained window, as pale moonlight streamed through, lighting up her silhouette. He held still, reading her posture and body language, trying to decide on his approach. But there was no tension in the way she was standing, no silent shaking of her shoulders to indicate that she was dealing with something. He frowned. If there was nothing wrong, she should still be sleeping beside him.

He spent a long time trying to decide if he should go to her or not. But he certainly wasn't getting any more sleep until she was nestled against him again, breathing peacefully. At the same time, she hadn't looked over this way yet, and the last thing he wanted to do was startle her, especially if there'd been a dream.

Finally he just went with the direct approach, figured that would tell him one way or the other what was going on. "Jen?" he called softly.

Jenny looked over her shoulder at him and smiled, but didn't say anything as her gaze was drawn back out the window. Gibbs slipped out from under the covers, and walked around the bed to join her. He positioned himself right behind her, prepared to be very careful about touching her. But Jenny sensed him there, and instinctively leaned back against his chest. As if this was a normal, every night thing, Gibbs slid his arms around her waist and held her for a long time.

At last he rested his chin on the top of her head. "What's wrong Jen?"

She shook her head, leaning it back against his shoulder. "Nothing," she answered, "I'm alright Jethro." She didn't want him to worry, which was precisely what he was doing right now.

Gibbs pondered her response. She said 'alright', not 'fine', so he knew it was the truth. 'Fine' just meant she was hiding something. After awhile, Jenny gestured to the stars, and the bright moonlight that lit their yard.

"It's beautiful tonight."

He chuckled silently. "You are," he replied.

An elbow dug gently into his ribs, and then Jenny just smiled and stayed where she was, content for the moment to just be. There was no schedules tomorrow, nowhere to be, and nothing that had to be done. So they could do something spontaneous, and watch the stars in the middle of the night, as they danced and twinkled through the sky, under the shining spotlight of the moon.


	93. Chapter 93

The team spilled into Tony's apartment, arms full of pizza, bags of different kinds of pop and melting ice cream, talking, teasing and laughing. The girls fell onto the couch in his livingroom, while the guys dropped everything they were carrying to close the door and turn on lights.

Tony eyed Abby and Ziva. "Let's go lazy bones, pizza's getting cold."

Ziva frowned at him. "Just bring the boxes over here Tony, we can eat right out of the box and then you will not have dishes to do."

"Abby, the ice cream..." McGee started, but Abby jumped up and made a mad dash for the grocery bags.

"Save the ice cream!" she hollered, running into the kitchen with two containers of soggy ice cream that needed to find an immediate home in Tony's already crowded freezer. Abby jerked a few unimportant looking things out and sighed happily once the desserts were safely tucked into the coldness.

"Hey Abs!" Tony protested. "That stuff goes in there you know."

Abby faced him, hands on her hips. "It can't be more important than making sure the ice cream is frozen." She crossed her arms and looked him over. "Please tell me you have proper toppings for sundaes."

Tony bit his lip. "Umm..." rummaging through an overstuffed cupboard, he came up with a partial container of chocolate sprinkles and a small bottle of Hershey's syrup. "Will this do?" he asked hopefully.

Abby sighed. "I guess it will have to. Hey Ziva," she called.

"Yeah?" came the relaxed voice from the Israeli ninja who was currently making herself very comfortable on Tony's couch.

"What do you want to drink? May as well decide while we're all in here."

Ziva rolled her eyes and dragged herself slowly into the kitchen. "I do not even remember what we bought."

McGee pulled open the fridge door and surveyed their selection. "Cream soda and energy drinks, as insisted on by Abby because they didn't have Caf-Pow; Pepsi; some weird looking drink Tony picked out; and that carbonated juice I like."

Ziva considered her choices. "Water," she said at last.

Tony groaned. "Come on Ziva, can you not get just a little more interesting than water?"

She stared straight at him and fingered the triangle shaped magnet of a pyramid on the front of his fridge. The silent message was communicated with ease and Tony turned his back to her to get out glasses.

"Abby?" McGee asked.

"I'll take one of the energy drinks Tim, need to stay awake for the movie marathon."

"Speaking of which," Tony spoke up.

"At least wait until we are in the livingroom before you start talking about your movie collection," Ziva practically begged.

"Tony?" McGee asked. "Preference for a drink?"

Tony shrugged. "Whatever is fine, McNanny. Surprise me."

"Oh no," Tim protested, "not happening. Because you won't like whatever I pick and then you'll complain about it until you've finally finished the drink just so you can get what you actually wanted in the first place." He left the last glass for Tony, grabbing a bottle of the sparkling orange-mango juice. "If you can't be specific, get your own."

"Specificity only applies to Rule #7 Probie," Tony called after him, as the rest of the group made their way back to his livingroom.

It was actually a very nice room. Aside from the big screen TV, expensive DVD player, and surround sound speakers mounted on the walls, there was also a nice, three person couch with a coffee table in front, a two comfy chairs - a Lazyboy and one with a matching footstool. One wall was floor to almost ceiling shelves, proudly displaying Tony's extensive DVD collection. For now, the girls had claimed the couch, stretching out and getting comfortable, so he and McGee resigned themselves to spending at least the first movie on the chairs.

Abby snuggled down in the couch cushions, hugging one of the throw pillows to her. "We need blankets," she announced.

Tony raised his eyebrows. "Blankets?"

"All the times you've had movie nights and you didn't know that you need to be curled up in a blanket to enjoy it?"

Tony shook his head slowly. "Sorry Abs, can't say as I've heard that one before."

Abby sighed. "You are missing out." She stared at him pointedly when he didn't move. "Blankets?"

"Oh, right." Tony stood in the center of the room for a minute before snapping his fingers. "Aha! I've got it." He strode over to the storage closet and began digging through the pile of things crammed in there. It was the place for everything that didn't have anywhere else to go. After a few minutes in which the rest of the team watched in mild amusement, Tony emerged triumphantly, pulling out a Rubbermaid tote and a large mesh bag containing rolled up sleeping bags.

Ziva's eyebrows lifted. "Are you going camping, Tony?"

"I do, sometimes, with my frat brothers. But haven't been in awhile. Still, if anyone ends up wanting to sit on the floor, sleeping bags will make the experience more enjoyable."

Abby looked at him skeptically. "And my blankets?"

"Come check out this tote Abs, that's my whole collection. Take your pick."

Abby hurried over and dug through the container. "Ooh...fuzzy blankets Tony. Good call."

"Glad you approve of the selection Abs," Tony smiled.

Once Abby was happily cocooned in her chosen blanket, McGee in the chair next to her, with Tony and Ziva on the other side of the room so to speak, Tony finally got to bring up the topic of movies again.

Placing his hands behind his head, he grinned. "So, since Abby suggested a James Bond marathon, we have a plethora of choices for you tonight. There are twenty-two Bond films in all, starring every good looking man from the legendary Sean Connery, to the stylish Roger Moore, the smooth-talking Timothy Dalton to the suave, 1990's version of Bond played by Pierce Brosnan. Anyone have any requests?"

Ziva shrugged. "I have not seen any of them, I do not care."

Tony's eyes almost bugged right out of his head. "What? How can you have known me for three years and not seen any Bond movies?" He frowned at her. "Do they not have James Bond in Israel?"

"Not part of the Mossad basic training program Tony," Ziva said flatly.

He rolled his eyes. "Then tonight, you're going to enjoy the chance of a lifetime to witness one of the greatest secret agent's this world has every seen." He scanned the room. "How about the rest of you?"

McGee exchanged looks with Abby. "I played the video game a couple times. And I may have seen one of the movies...once. I don't remember which one though."

"Oh come on!" Tony griped. "I'm working with an uncultured hoard of..." he trailed off when he saw the glares being aimed at him, "...of my dearest friends that have unfortunately missed out on one of the best film series in the history of the world." He tried to redeem himself and looked pleadingly at Abby.

"Abs?" he begged. "Please tell me you've seen the Bond movies."

She shrugged. "A couple, with my brother, the Roger Moore ones maybe? I don't really know. Sorry Tony," Abby tried to explain, "my parents were both deaf, movies weren't a big thing in our household. But I know you like them, you talk about them all the time."

"Huh," Tony said dejectedly before brightening. "Well, I guess we'll just go with my favourites, one or two from every Bond 'era'. Any arguments?" He barely paused for a breath, leaving no time for any actual protests. "Okay then. Let's start off with Sean Connery in _From Russia with Love _and work our way up to Pierce Brosnan's _The World is Not Enough_. Sound good?"

Ziva crossed her arms and eyed him. "Exactly how many movies are we watching tonight Tony?"

He grinned. "As many as we can stay awake for Zee-vah." Scanning his DVD library, he plucked the one he was looking for off the shelf. "Here it is folks." He slid it into the DVD player and fiddled with the settings until he was satisfied. "Prepare to be amazed."

Abby leaned forward and opened up the pizza boxes that had patiently been waiting for them on the coffee table. Steam rose and all four eagerly dug into their late supper. Abby was just happy to be here with her family, spending the evening outside of work. Ziva had never done a movie marathon before and was a little skeptical, but willing to give it a shot. McGee was hoping to end up next to Abby at some point tonight so they could hold hands. There certainly wouldn't be any sneaking kisses, not with Tony and Ziva sitting right there.

Tony chewed a large mouthful of extra cheesy meat lovers pizza and looked around at his friends. That's what they were, not just his co-workers, but his friends and surrogate family. And while he might tease McGee until the younger agent nearly broke down, annoy and flirt with Ziva until he was on her hit list, he truly valued the relationships they shared. He looked out for Abby and she for him. Boss and the Director kept them in line and out of trouble. Ducky never ran out of stories to tell and Jimmy made an okay sidekick, he guessed. At this stage in his life, he was probably more content with how things were than he'd ever been. It was a great feeling.

The opening music began to play and Tony glued his eyes to the screen. "Okay guys, just some background. Sean Connery played James Bond for five years. Him leaving was a great loss for the franchise, but he came back for an additional film in '71." He paused for a breath but didn't get a chance to finish.

Ziva leaned close and whispered to him. "I still carry my knife, Tony."

He gave her a dirty look, but stopped with the trivia while the movie played. After the first film, which was interrupted by the group's attempt to explain certain things to Ziva that she did not understand, Tony slid a new one in, _Goldfinger_ this time. It was one of his favourites and Tony was too busy absorbing the story to even start to tell them about the great special effects and the amazing stunts.

Before Tony could press play on Roger Moore's_ Live and Let Die_, Abby insisted they put the pizza away and make popcorn. Nobody had any arguments with that, and they took a few minutes to put things away and straighten up. Tony made it back before either of the girls and seat scammed Ziva's place on the couch. He stared straight ahead and didn't even glance over when her glare tried to penetrate his skull. But Ziva didn't protest, she just chose a blanket from the tote and made herself comfortable in the chair, stretching out her legs to rest on the footstool.

As that had been McGee's spot, he was momentarily confused about where to be when he came back in the room. Eventually shrugging, he took over the Lazyboy, not having enough nerve to take Abby's seat and not particularly wanting to share the couch with Tony anyways. Abby came back with two bowls of popcorn. One got put on the coffee table and was fair game, the other was held firmly in her lap.

Tony snatched one piece and nearly got his hand smacked, so he stuck to the community bowl. The Goth took note of the changes in seating but remained silent, content to hang out on the couch with her big brother, but still planning to find some way to cuddle with her boyfriend at some point over the course of the evening.

"This is such a classic movie guys. _Live and Let Die_. 1973. James Bond vs. voodoo priests and heroine smugglers. And of course, ending up with a really hot chick at the end."

Abby tossed a handful of popcorn at him. "We can watch the movie for ourselves, thank you 'Ducky'," she teased. "A play by play is not necessary."

Tony fell silent and pouted for the first ten minutes, then got caught up in the storyline again. The team seemed to be enjoying the movie marathon. Even Ziva was paying attention, even if she occasionally scoffed at the obvious fakeness of the fight scenes.

"I could take him out with a flick of my wrist," she announced at one point, "why do they have to be so above the top like that?"

"Over the top," Tony murmured, "and I think you'd have to be born here and not an ninja to appreciate it."

Ziva wrinkled her nose at him and turned her attention back to the screen.

By the end of that one, it was already early morning, and yawns were starting to float around the circle. Tony gamely put in another movie and offered to refill popcorn bowls, but no one cared anymore so he took them back to the kitchen. When he returned, Abby and McGee were sitting on the floor in front of the couch on top of a couple sleeping bags, sharing a blanket. And Ziva had switched to the Lazyboy chair and had it extended fully so she was almost lying down. Tony had a feeling that he would be enjoying _For Your Eyes Only_ all by himself.

**NCIS**

When Saturday morning sunshine was streaming in the room the next morning, quite a different picture presented itself. McGee and Abby had both ended up in the sleeping bags, and lay cuddled together on the floor beside the coffee table, Abby using McGee as a pillow. Ziva had fallen asleep curled up in the Lazyboy, while Tony stretched out on the couch and got a fairly restful sleep.

Ziva was the first one to wake. She smiled at her co-workers before nudging Tony. "Good morning," she said softly.

Tony groaned and stretched. "'Morning," he said groggily. "Hey, who gave the lovebirds permission to be PDAing on my floor?"

"Let them sleep Tony," Ziva admonished, "they look...sweet."

Tony raised an eyebrow at her. "Sweet? I don't do sweet, Zee-vah."

She rolled her eyes. "I did not know we were planning a sleep together." Tony's mouth fell open and Ziva squinted at him. "What?" she shrugged, "Did I get it wrong?"

"Ah...I think you mean 'sleep over' Ziva." Tony scrunched up his face. "Sleep together is...well..."

Ziva got the picture and waved her hands. "No, no, I did not mean that." Then she frowned. "But we did all sleep together, yes?"

"Well, there's 'sleep together' and then there's _sleep together_. I..." he could see a hole being dug and gave up. "Never mind."

"What should we have for breakfast?" Ziva asked, looking down at her wrinkled clothes and wishing she could shower and change. She reached up to feel her hair, which was mostly presentable because of the ponytail she was wearing.

"Up for five minutes and you're already thinking about breakfast?" Tony complained, closing his eyes again. "I don't know. I'm having pizza."

Ziva screwed up her face. "Pizza, for breakfast?"

He opened one eye to look at her. "You really do not understand American culture at all, do you Ziva?"

"What does pizza have to do with culture?"

Tony shook his head sadly. "Because you missed out on the all-American college experience, let me enlighten you Ziva. At college, the undergrads pretty much live off of pizza. It gets eaten cold, microwaved, oven warmed, day old, week old, in the box, out of the box, on paper plates and off napkins, any time of the day or day of the week. Pizza is a staple American food and once you've eaten it in college," he grinned, "it's good for any meal."

"You are disgusting," Ziva informed him, "and crazy."

"I will take that as a compliment," Tony told her, enjoying the look on her face.

Ziva muttered something in Hebrew and turned away from him.

"Do you mind?" Abby's voice drifted up from the floor. "Some of us are trying to sleep here."

Tony gradually sat up. "Sorry Abs, but according the ninja's internal alarm clock, it's time to be awake. We were just discussing breakfast. You want pizza? Or are you and McLover down there planning on living off something else?" Abby couldn't see his grin but Tony still had to duck the sofa pillow that came flying at his head.

"I'm good with pizza," Abby said, finally making it to a sitting position. She shook McGee's shoulder. "Timmy, wake up."

"Don't want to go to work," McGee mumbled.

Abby smiled and kissed his temple. "Good, because it's Saturday and we have plans. Come on, up." She tugged on his arm and McGee's eyes finally opened.

"Morning," he said slowly, wishing they were alone so he could kiss Abby good morning. But Abby didn't seem to mind the audience and leaned down to touch his lips lightly with hers.

"Morning yourself sleepyhead."

"Aw guys, come on," Tony protested. "There are some things we just don't need to see."

Abby glared at him. "Then don't look Tony."

Ziva crossed her arms. "I am not having pizza for breakfast."

"With you there Ziva," McGee agreed. "Pizza is not breakfast food. Do you have omelette ingredients Tony?"

The senior field agent shrugged. "I've got eggs and cheese. Not sure about what else. Help yourself though."

"I will help you make omelettes McGee," Ziva said, getting out of the chair. "Let Tony and Abby enjoy their 'American culture', we will have real breakfast food."

"Works for me," Tim followed her into the kitchen.

Tony and Abby followed, returning to the livingroom moments later with cold pizza on plates. Tony's kitchen was too small for all four of them to be in at the same time.

"So everyone is coming to my place for dinner, yes?" Ziva called. The answer was unanimous. "Who will call Ducky and Jimmy?"

"I will," Abby volunteered.

"Gibbs and Jenny?" Ziva asked, expertly cracking eggs into the frying pan.

There was no answer. McGee was busy searching out other things in Tony's fridge that could be safely added to their omelettes.

"How about you Tony?" she finally suggested.

"Uh, I don't know Ziva. Calling the boss, for something unrelated to work?" he glanced at Abby pleadingly. "Switch with you Abs? I'd love to extend the invitation to Ducky and the Autopsy Gremlin."

Abby's eyes twinkled and she shook her head. "It will be good for you Tony. Suffering builds character."

Tony could feel himself breaking out into a sweat. "I don't know about this."

"Eat your pizza Tony. You don't have to worry about it right now," Abby told him, "we won't even have to make phone calls until around lunch. Some people like to sleep in on Saturdays." Her tone suggested that Ziva wasn't quite familiar with that tradition yet.

Several minutes later Ziva and McGee re-entered the room, carrying perfectly cooked vegetarian omelettes with them.

Tony grinned. "Still got four movies left. Any one up for a little more, 'Bond, James Bond'?" He imitated the inflection.

Ziva rolled her eyes, Abby and McGee just shrugged. Tony took all non-protests as a yes and gleefully selected _Octopussy_ as the next movie. A now very familiar theme song filled the room and all was silent as the team watched 007 in action.


	94. Chapter 94

Warm sunshine on her face was what woke Jenny up Saturday morning. She was smiling when she opened her eyes and found herself laying on Jethro's side of the bed still, facing the window. Jenny nestled her head back into the pillow, in no hurry to get up. But when she reached back with her hand and found no warm body behind her, she frowned and sat up. Jethro was not there. _Well, where is he? _she wondered.

Surely he would've left a note or something if he'd been call in to work. Usually Gibbs woke her to let her know, but sometimes he'd rather let her sleep. Jenny was just pushing back the covers to go looking for him, when Gibbs appeared in the doorway with two cups of coffee, grinning at her.

"'Morning."

"Good morning yourself. I was just coming to look for you," Jenny said, accepting the mug from him.

"Miss me Jen?" Gibbs couldn't hide the smug smile.

She took a sip of the coffee before remembering she was trying decaf for awhile. "The last time I woke up and you weren't here, I didn't see you for almost the whole day," she pointed out.

He noticed that she was just holding her coffee and drank some of his own. "Your is decaf Jen." She looked at him curiously and Gibbs shrugged. "I picked some up this morning."

"What time is it?" Jenny asked, trying to see the clock. "How long have you been up?"

He smirked. "Since ten. It's nearly noon now."

Jenny's expression was amusing to him. "This is getting to be a bad habit," she complained. "But at least before you slept in with me."

He moved closer and Jenny scooted over so he could sit on the edge of the bed beside her. "Would've loved to Jen, but I had a few things to do."

She lifted her eyebrow. "What things?" Jenny asked suspiciously.

Gibbs ignored her and took her hand, crossing his legs and getting comfortable. "The kids called a little while ago."

The corners of Jenny's mouth twitched. "I thought we weren't claiming them?"

He shrugged. "Not where they can hear it."

She looked at him expectantly. "What did they want?"

"Well, Tony was the one who called. But I could hear Abby laughing in the background and then she took the phone..."

_Half an Hour Earlier At Tony's Place_

"It's ringing," Tony whispered, fear written all over his face.

Ziva rolled her eyes. "It is not the first phone call you have ever placed to Gibbs, Tony. Brighten up."

"It's 'lighten up' Ziva!" he hissed. "If this call wakes him up on a Saturday and it's not for a case, he's going to kill me before I even hang up the phone."

"That's physically impossible Tony," McGee added from the kitchen where he was watching the spectacle with great amusement. "You should be safe until 0700 on Monday." He shrugged. "Then Gibbs might kill you."

"Thanks a lot Probie, care to trade?"

"Trade what?" McGee grinned. "I didn't get an assignment."

"Aargh...oh, hey Boss! How's it going? I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"What do you want DiNozzo?" came Gibbs familiar growl. "It's Saturday."

"Yeah, Saturday, I know Boss, that's the reason I called. You see, we, that is me, McGee, Abby, and Ziva, were kind of hoping that maybe you'd be able to, or interested in..."

"Can you form a sentence Tony?" Gibbs asked, his frown making itself known through the telephone line. Abby's laughter and Ziva's snickering were echoing behind Tony and he whipped around to glare at them, trying to focus on the conversation.

"Yes Boss."

"That's good. Two words. How about a sentence with words that tell me why you're calling me on a Saturday?"

Abby rolled her eyes. "Give it to me, Tony." She grabbed the phone out of his hand. "You're making a mess of it." She smiled into the phone. "Good morning Gibbs."

He sighed. "Hi Abs. Care to explain that?"

She shrugged. "That was just Tony. We don't let him out much."

Gibbs chuckled and Tony gave her a dirty look. "So, there a reason you're at Tony's place on a Saturday morning and calling me?"

"Oh, that. Well, we had a sleepover last night, with pizza and a James Bond marathon. I think we lasted 'til around 2 am, then everyone but Tony fell asleep."

Gibbs didn't even bother trying to figure out the relevance of her explanation. "And that has what to do with this phone call Abby?"

"Oh, right!" Abby said, as if she'd forgotten why they called. "See, last night we were talking in my lab and we decided this weekend should be a family weekend, hence the movie night/sleepover."

Tony made a cutting motion across his throat. "This was your idea, Favourite One. Don't bring us into it!" he whispered urgently. Abby ignored him and turned around to face the window.

"Abs?" the voice prompted.

"Sorry Gibbs, Tony was whispering and distracting me. Anyways, that was Friday. Today...well, tonight actually, is a dinner party at Ziva's place. So because it's family, you guys have to be there. I mean...if you want," Abby added as an after thought. "Ducky and Jimmy already promised they'd come. It is, in his words, 'a delightful idea'." She mimicked Ducky's accent. "Ducky might even bring his mother. That ought to make things interesting. Then Sunday everyone has promised to come to church, and we can have breakfast after, just like always. What do you say?"

_Back to Gibbs and Jenny_

"So what did you say Jethro?" Jenny asked, loving the re-telling of the conversation. It was hard to capture Abby's actual enthusiasm without experiencing it yourself, but Gibbs had tried.

"That I'd talk to you and see what you wanted to do. But Abby really wants you there."

Jenny thought about it. "I guess it would be fun. And it would be good to see everyone outside of work. We haven't really just spent time with them since they took us out to dinner a couple weeks ago."

"I'm in if you're in," Gibbs agreed. "Plus, I really don't want to have to tell Abby no. She'll give me that look and I'll feel awful for days."

"Pushover."

"Guilty," her husband admitted. Finally he sat up. "Alright, up and at 'em. Get your robe on and come downstairs."

"What's downstairs?" Jenny asked.

"I guess you'll just have to come with me and see Jen," was all Gibbs would say.

That was a tantalizing enough offer so Jenny slid out of bed and snuggled into her blue fleece robe, pushing her feet into slippers. Gibbs took her hand and led her down to the kitchen. What she saw, set up on the kitchen table, was so sweet she almost wanted to cry. A single red orchid with white accents leaned over a cylindrical, clear glass vase. A glass of orange juice sat in front of a tray, made up with bacon, eggs, and toast. And identical meal, except for the egg being an omelette, sat at the place across the table.

"Jethro," she asked in a whisper, "what...?"

He shrugged. "I just wanted to do something nice for you. And this," he handed her the flower and leaned over to kiss her, "is for my beautiful wife."

Jenny flung her arms around his neck and kissed him back. "I'll give you an A+," she said with a smile, while he pulled out her chair and replaced the flower in the vase. They sat across from each other, acting, as Tony would say, 'sickly sweet', as they gazed into each others eyes and left words for another time. Breakfast was eaten bit by bit. Jenny tried a little of everything, and tried to eat enough to make Jethro feel as if it was worth the effort. Gibbs still didn't think it was enough, but that could be brought up at another time.

"So," he said, leaning back in his chair, "should we call the kids back and say yes?"

"I think so," Jenny nodded, then frowned. "Though I don't know what I would wear."

Gibbs kept quiet on that subject. It was no good telling her that she always looked nice, because he thought she made sweats and bare feet look sexy. Jenny would just say she was biased. But if he didn't say anything, he'd either get accused of not listening or thinking something he shouldn't. Being a husband was hard sometimes, silence was to protect oneself from being exiled to the couch, but it was often misinterpreted.

"I think something casual will be fine Jen," he said at last. He picked up her hand and kissed the back of it. "Why don't you go have a shower and I'll make phone calls and then we can decide what else to do today. I'll find out what time we have to be at Ziva's."

"Okay," Jenny looked at him for a moment, her heart in her eyes. "Thank you for breakfast Jethro."

Having no clever comment to reply back with, Gibbs simply stuck with, "You're welcome Jen," and watched as she headed for the stairs.

He cleaned up the kitchen first, then picked up the phone and headed for the livingroom. May as well get comfortable. If Abby answered the phone he was going to be there awhile.

**NCIS**

The phone rang at Tony's place while the group was in the middle of _A License to Kill_.

"Let the machine get it," Tony said, staring at the screen, "this is the best part."

Ziva let out an exasperated sigh. "Tony, you think the whole movie is the best part."

"No!" Abby protested from where she was sitting in McGee's lap. "It might be Gibbs calling back with their answer." When nobody moved, Abby got up. "Fine, I'll get it."

Tony reluctantly paused the movie and Abby raced for the phone, grabbing it from the stand on the last ring and plopping into the nearest chair.

"Tony's place," she answered.

"Hey Abs."

"Gibbs!" she squealed. "Did you talk to Jenny? Did she say yes? Are you guys coming?"

"One question at a time Abby," Gibbs chuckled. "Yes I talked to Jenny. Yes we're coming. What time does Ziva want us there?"

"Oh." Abby was silent. "One sec, I'll ask."

She put the phone to her chest. "Ziva! What time is the party?"

Ziva frowned and shrugged. "5? I hadn't really thought about it." Abby nodded. "Oh, and ask if Jenny can bring a salad." She knew Jenny would feel less conspicuous if she could contribute to the dinner somehow.

"Let's say 5 pm Gibbs. Oh, that's 1700 hours sir!"

"Abby..." Gibbs warned.

She grinned. "I know, no 'sir'. Oh, and Ziva asked if Jenny can bring a salad."

Gibbs nodded. "Okay, I'll tell her. Be good Abs. See you tonight."

"Thanks Gibbs. Bye!" Abby hung up and smiled at the rest of the group. "They're in!"

"Great." Tony looked like he didn't care at all. "Can we finish the movie now please?"

Abby rolled her eyes at him and cuddled up close to her boyfriend again. "Whenever you're ready Mr. Wizard. But after this one, I think lunch is in order."

**NCIS**

Gibbs hung up with Abby an d dialed another number.

"Reilley's," a male voice answered on the second ring.

"It's Gibbs."

"Gunny!" Gibbs could hear the smile in his friends voice.

"How are you Bill?" Gibbs asked.

"Oh, we're doing just fine Jethro. Got a potluck supper at the church tonight, so Merry's busy getting food ready and I'm just trying to stay out of her way."

Gibbs chuckled. Merry was pretty adamant that no one stepped foot in her kitchen when she was in full cooking mode. He remembered that from the old days, when he and Bill would often share a meal after their shift was over.

"How are things with you and Jenny?" Bill asked.

Gibbs thought for a moment. "You know what Bill? This week was one of the worse we've had so far. But we were able to talk about it yesterday, and now I think we're doing okay."

"That's good to hear," Bill said sincerely. "I know you're not a believer Jethro, but I want you to know Merry and I have been praying for you two."

Gibbs was silent for a moment. Because he didn't think of God the way some did, it was strange to hear that sort of comment spoken so naturally. At the same time, he and Bill had been friends for a long time, and Bill had always been like that, talking about God as if it were the most normal thing in the world. After awhile, Gibbs had simply gotten used to it. Now hearing something like that just meant that Bill and Meredith cared about he and Jenny and how they were doing.

Finally Gibbs came up with what he thought was an appropriate response to his friend. "'ppreciate that Bill, I really do."

"So, when are you going to bring Jenny over to the house for a meal? Merry's been anxious to meet her." Bill decided to change the subject completely to keep things from getting awkward.

"Things are kind of up in the air right now Bill. How about I check back with you in a week or so, maybe try and plan something for the first week of November? Need to run it by Jenny first."

"Of course," Bill agreed.

The two men chatted about meaningless things like work and how the weather had been for several minutes, before hanging up. Gibbs had only just put down the phone when Jenny called him. He smiled and headed for the stairs, he was looking forward to today.


	95. Chapter 95

"That's it for me," Abby declared.

Ziva agreed. "I have had enough of pizza for a long time."

Tony made a mental note to suggest Chinese or Thai food for their next movie night on Wednesday. Or maybe they should just go out for drinks instead. Nearly twelve hours of James Bond was enough for most normal people. Ziva might be sick of movies for awhile. He of course, could go days watching movie after movie and be perfectly fine with it.

"Definitely feel like eating salad for a week. This can't possibly be healthy," McGee chimed in.

Tony tossed a napkin at his sidekick. "Healthy is overrated McVeggie," he said.

McGee was wondering how long before Tony ran out of things to add to his name in an attempt to tease and annoy. He sighed. Unfortunately, it has been over four years now and Tony was still going strong. Maybe he'd never run out of things to call McGee. Too bad.

The group stood and cleaned up Tony's kitchen - throwing away empty cardboard boxes and paper plates, while McGee and Abby tackled the dishes in the sink. Ziva gathered what she'd brought to Tony's last night and set everything by the door. Leaning on the counter, she surveyed the team.

"We need a plan for tonight," she announced.

"Well, I was going to finish my James Bond marathon and show up at Ziva's for 5 pm-" Tony's self-absorbed speech was cut short when Abby elbowed him in the stomach. "Or not," he finished with a pained look, rubbing the spot.

"What did you have in mind Ziva?" McGee wisely asked.

"Abby, could you come with me? We can buy groceries for supper and possibly you can help me clean my place a little before company comes?"

"Happy to Ziva," Abby responded with a smile.

"Good." She eyes the men. "Tony..."

"Present!"

She glared at him. "Can you handle picking a movie we all might enjoy? Maybe bring a couple of choices? And be in charge of popcorn and drinks?"

"Lazy stuff, my specialty," Tony grinned.

"McGee, can you round up some extra tables and folding chairs please? I do not think I have enough room for everyone at my kitchen table."

"Hey!" Tony protested. "How come he gets a 'please'?"

"Because McGee is a gentleman Tony."

"So what am I?"

Ziva looked him up and down. "I am not sure yet."

"Sure Ziva," McGee interrupted their possible fight, "I think there's a storeroom at work with a bunch of extra stuff in it. Shouldn't be a problem."

"Good." Ziva pointed at the one pouting on the couch. "Take Tony with you."

He frowned at them. "Do I get a say in this?"

All three looked at him. "No," they said in unison.

"Fine," he whined. "Let's go McHandy Man." He checked with Ziva. "Meet you at your place in about an hour?"

Ziva thought about it. "It may take us longer than that. Abby probably wants to go home first and change."

Abby shrugged. "I can just grab my stuff and shower at your place later, if that's okay."

"I do not have a problem with it," Ziva answered.

"You know, this whole thing would be easier if you just gave me a key. Because then we could bring the tables and chairs over and just wait for you both to get back."

Tony was mostly joking, it was clearly written on his face. And whatever the team expected Ziva's reaction to be, it was not what happened. Ziva reached into her coat pocket and produced a single key. Without a change in expression, she walked over to Tony and dropped it in his hand. She held up a finger before he could make a remark that would cause him bodily harm.

"This is for today only," Ziva declared firmly. "I want it back before you leave my apartment tonight. Is that clear?"

"Crystal, M'lady," Tony flashed her a confident grin.

Abby and McGee just looked at each other, thinking this spelled trouble somehow. McGee leaned over and kissed Abby quickly.

"Bye Beautiful. See you later."

Abby smiled at him. "Bye Timmy."

"Oh for goodness sake!" Tony spouted off. "Let's get out of here before I need a bucket."

McGee cast a meaningful glance at Ziva, whose attention was elsewhere as she and Abby refolded blankets, rolled sleeping bags, and brought order back to Tony's livingroom.

"I can't wait 'til it's your turn Tony."

Tony looked at Tim wide-eyed as his meaning sank in. "Forget about it Probie. You're out of your tree. Never going to happen. Come on, we've got tables to find."

He pushed McGee out the door, glancing at Ziva quickly before it closed._ Impossible_, he thought. _Probie is crazy, too much love floating around between him and Ms. Goth. Me and Ziva? It could never happen. I don't even want it to. Focus DiNozzo! _he told himself sternly. _Assassins are dangerous_. Ziva's thick, gorgeous brown hair, chocolate eyes, and full lips floated into his mind. _Oh, are they ever. Especially when they look like her._

Ziva and Abby left moments later and it wasn't until they were walking down the hall that Abby realized Ziva had a key to Tony's place.

_Oh, this just got a whole lot more interesting_. She grinned at her friend, who just looked mildly puzzled. No matter. _Methinks me and Timmy are not the only couple for which the writing is on the wall_.

Abby slid into Ziva's car and stayed quiet all the way to her house, imagining rings and weddings and lots of little NCIS babies crawling around. _You just never know_, she said to herself. _Anything can happen. But I can hope_.

**NCIS**

"Jen?" Gibbs came through the bedroom door to find his wife brushing her hair.

Jenny smiled at him. "Hi."

She looked so beautiful that Gibbs couldn't resist putting his arms around her and pulling her close for a kiss.

"You are very sweet," she said, as her husband took the brush and continued what she'd been doing, "but that is not the reason I called you up here."

"Oh?" his eyes twinkled. "And what might that be?"

"Did you make plans for us today? I need to know what to wear if we're going out."

Now was not the time to tell her that the pink silk dressing gown she was wearing looked pretty good to him. Gibbs put the brush down and leaned forward to prop his chin on her shoulder, watching their reflections in the mirror.

"Thing less dressy than work but not as casual as sweats and hanging out at home. No skirts."

Jenny raised one eyebrow. "Are you going to tell me?"

He made a face. "Got something against surprises?"

Jenny shrugged. "No, I guess not." She leaned back against him for a minute. Gibbs had no problem holding her and stood silently until Jenny moved. But when she started to pull her hair back, he stopped her hands.

"Leave it down today?" he asked.

"Sometimes I think you like my hair best," Jenny complained with a smile, letting go of it but slipping a couple hair elastics on her wrist in case she needed them later.

The only thing Gibbs did in response to her comment was drag his eyes slowly up and down her body, almost making her blush. Then he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, placing his hand over her heart.

Jenny grinned and turned around to kiss him, having gotten the message. He loved all of her, not just her body. Gibbs loved who she was too, what was inside of her.

She walked backwards towards their bedroom. "If you don't hurry up and shower we're never going to get out of here."

Gibbs wanted to say that he was okay with that, but it would be good for them to get out. Besides, he wanted Jenny to have fun today.

**NCIS**

Ziva and Abby walked in Ziva's front door, laden down with grocery bags. McGee and Tony were lounging on her couch, a stack of tables and chairs leaning against the wall behind the door. Tim, and after a little encouragement, Tony, jumped up to relieve them of several bags, and everything was deposited on the small, two person table in Ziva's kitchen.

"Since you are already here," Ziva said, looking through the 'wall window' that opened into her livingroom, "could you guys please push the couch against the far wall and set up the tables and chairs in the center of the room, there?" She gestured to the area she meant.

There didn't seem to be any point in arguing. And, based on self-preservation instincts and the knowledge that there were many sharp and potentially dangerous objects in Ziva's kitchen, Tony and McGee each took one end of the couch and relocated it to the spot she'd decided on.

"We need room for at least nine people," Ziva added as an afterthought.

"Nine?" McGee asked, his forehead wrinkling. "I think there's only eight of us Ziva."

"And if Ducky brings his mother along?" Ziva shot back, hands on hips.

McGee nodded, "Good point," and went back to setting up chairs.

"Abby," Ziva handed her a knife and cutting board, "would you mind starting on the vegetables? They will take the longest."

The Goth nodded and started rifling through their shopping bags, looking for the healthy stuff.

"Thank you all," Ziva smiled. "I have lots to keep us busy until everyone comes. This is going to be fun!"

The only response was silent groans from the guys and Abby's hidden smile.

**NCIS**

"A gallery exhibit?" Jenny smiled. "I had no idea you were so cultured Jethro."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "I know you enjoy it Jen, that's enough for me."

Jenny leaned against him and wove her fingers with his. "Are you trying to win the sweetest husband award or something?"

He squeezed her hand and grinned at his wife. "How am I doing?"

Jenny smiled. "So far, very good."

Gibbs paid for their admission and spent the next hour following Jenny from room to room. He didn't care that art wasn't his thing, he just loved being with her. And holding hands the whole time, always her left one so he could feel her wedding band against his finger, was just fine by him.

Near the very end of the exhibit, Jenny suddenly stopped and gasped. "Oh Jethro, look!" She pulled him with her. "It's the same painting we saw that night we were playing tourists. You remember, of the Eiffel Tower?"

Gibbs couldn't say he exactly remembered, so he nodded vaguely. It was nice to see her excited. Jenny took a look at the small collection of paintings. Now that she was closer, she could see the artist's name was Thomas Marks. There were seven paintings in all, each depicting a scene from a famous city or place.

Besides Paris, there was Rome, a sleeping city underneath the glowing, watchful Acropolis; London, the historic city through the Eye itself; DC with it's monuments tracing their country's foundations; green hills surrounding the Oracle of Delphi site in Greece. The list went on and Jenny was amazed by the detail and changing perspective of each one.

"They're beautiful," she breathed after awhile of staring at every single painting. Then she smiled up at her husband. "But I'll always like Paris the best."

Gibbs kissed her temple and rested his hand on the back of her neck. The reaction was instantaneous. Jenny froze, and from what Gibbs could tell, she might even have stopped breathing.

"Jen?" he said softly. They'd never dealt with any of her demons in public before and he wasn't sure what to expect.

When she didn't respond, Gibbs put his hand on her back and lead her outside, helping her sit on the low stone wall that bordered the gallery steps. Jenny leaned over and put her face in her hands, trying to take slow, deep breaths, focusing on the small circles Gibbs was rubbing into her back.

Eventually, she sat up. "I'm sorry," she said slowly. "I didn't expect that. Touch hasn't been so much of an issue the last week or so."

"What was it Jen?" Gibbs asked, moving closer to put his arm around her waist.

Jenny shook her head. "It's not even something I can explain." She tried to think. "Remember that day you gave me a massage, and I freaked out for no apparent reason?"

Gibbs nodded. Some stuff was hard to forget.

Jenny shrugged. "It was like that. No warning, instant panic, a feeling that I was in danger. I'm just thankful I didn't try to fight you again, especially in a room full of people. It's bad enough when only one person sees me break down. Having it become general knowledge that the Director of NCIS is losing it would be a hundred times worse."

He nodded. "I know honey. But this is progress, right? The feelings aren't as intense as they were?"

She looked into his eyes. "I hope so. I just keep waiting for the day when I feel normal again." She smiled sadly. "Today came pretty close."

Gibbs stood up, inviting her to join him. "Time for some fun Jen." He took her hand again. "Don't write today off completely. You never know, it could get even better."


	96. Chapter 96

Jenny didn't question her husband about what he meant, she was too busy trying to pull her mind out of the protective fog it sucked her into whenever something like this happened. They drove to a park which also had an outdoor ice rink five months of the year. Gibbs opened the trunk and pulled out a large duffle bag.

"When was the last time you went skating Jen?" he asked brightly.

She laughed. "A long time ago Jethro."

"It's like riding a bike," he said, drawing her over to a bench. "You never forget."

Several people were on the ice already, including some kids. Gibbs opened the bag and pulled out two pairs of old skates. Jenny's had been in the back of a closet, figure skates of course. Anyone who was graceful enough to do ballet for fifteen years wouldn't be caught dead in clunky old hockey skates. Gibbs had dug his out of a box in his basement. He'd had them both sharpened and now they were ready to go again. Just like new...almost.

Jenny slipped out of her stylish dress boots and muscled her feet into the skates. She tugged the laces for awhile, then gave up, turning to her husband with an adorable smile.

"Help me?" she asked.

Gladly, Gibbs knelt before her and made the laces tight. Jenny leaned down and whispered into his ear, her earlier episode pushed into the background for now.

"The last time I saw you in this position, you were holding a ring and asking me very nicely to marry you while your eyes begged me to say yes."

Gibbs reached into the bag and pulled out a warm, purple and white knitted scarf, wrapping it around her neck.

"I'd do it again."

Jenny kissed his cheek, reaching for the gloves he was holding. "And I'd still say yes."

Their eyes communicated in such a way that no words were needed. While Gibbs laced up his own skates, Jenny tamed her hair into a half ponytail, then wrapped it all into a regular low ponytail, not wanting it flying in her face while she was moving.

She slid her hands into gloves and followed Gibbs, teetering a little, onto the ice. Jenny started out slowly, having no desire to end up on her butt in the first thirty seconds of this venture. Gibbs of course, took to the ice like he'd never left it and skated circles around her, laughing as she took small, baby strides. Once she found her feet on the ice, Gibbs skated backwards in front of her, holding out his hands.

"Come on Jen, skate with me."

She didn't want to say no. Jenny placed her hands in his and followed his confident movements across the ice. Very carefully, he spun her around, helping her to keep her balance, though her old skills on skates were beginning to come back to her. He watched as she glided gracefully around, wishing she was brave enough to attempt a jump but there were too many people and it had been a lot of years since those days. Gibbs pushed off, chasing her around the edge of the rink, and Jenny laughed, loving the wind in her face and hair, and the man who always, always had her back.

After awhile, Jenny wasn't sure how long, she collapsed onto the bench where they'd left their shoes, breathless and smiling. Gibbs was a little winded too. His sport these days was mostly footraces with criminals that didn't understand running from federal agents with guns was bad for their health and their freedom.

"Well Jen," he said, taking a deep breath, "did you have fun?"

Jenny grinned. "I did. Thank you Jethro. I'm beginning to think being married to you will be a constant string of surprises."

He shrugged one shoulder. "I wouldn't want to be too easy to figure out, might lose my charm that way."

"Oh," Jenny replied, shaking her head and cupping his cheek, "I seriously doubt that."

Leaning forward, she brushed her cold lips against his, lingering a little longer than before. The promise of something more for later, perhaps?

"You know what I think we need now?" she asked.

Gibbs' eyes were only for Jenny. "What's that Jen?"

Her eyes twinkled. "Hot chocolate, with whipped cream of course."

He rolled his eyes. "Of course."

They removed their shoes and slipped back into what they'd been wearing before. Gibbs took Jenny's hand, and the bag, and headed back to the car. He stopped at Jenny's favourite coffee shop on the way home, told her to wait there, and came back minutes later holding two white cups with lids. Gibbs handed Jenny hers, and she could see the steam rising from the little hole in the lid. Cautiously she took a sip, and her eyes flew to Gibbs'.

"White hot chocolate Jethro?"

"Spoiling you a little bit once in awhile isn't going to hurt anything," he told her, trying his own drink.

Jenny took another sip. "Oh, it's so good! I haven't had this in a long time."

"I know."

They sat there, looking at each other, basking in the warm glow of an almost perfect day, for several minutes before Gibbs got any motivation to put the car in drive and head for Jenny's house. It was just after three o'clock when they pulled in the driveway. Jenny decided not to mention that after drinking the whole cup of hot chocolate, her stomach was feeling unsettled again. It had been really good, but she didn't want to get sick before tonight. She was looking forward to hanging out with the group.

Once inside, they hung up their coats and headed for the kitchen to throw away their empty cups. Gibbs opened the fridge looking for nothing in particular and suddenly remembered.

"Oh Jen, Ziva wondered if you could bring a salad to the party tonight."

Jenny nodded slowly. "Sure. It shouldn't take too long. Do you want to help or would you rather go work on your secret project in the workshop?"

He leaned back against the counter and grinned, ignoring her curiosity about what he was working on. "Put me to work lady. I feel a need to defend my previously unappreciated skills in the kitchen.

Jenny was thinking of his skills with something else in the kitchen besides preparing food, but she kept it to herself. "Alright then, you asked for it." She pulled a knife out of the block and handed it to him. "Cucumbers please. Little bite size pieces. My kind of bite size Jethro," she grinned, "not yours."

He rolled his eyes. "Fine," then looked around like he was lost. "Umm...cutting board Jen?"

"Bottom left hand cupboard beside the fridge," Jenny said without even turning around. A bowl appeared from a top cupboard and then she opened the fridge looking for lettuce and vegetables. The radio got switched on at some point, and relaxing music flowed into the kitchen between them.

The only words that followed were simple instructions and basic questions. Gibbs got stuck with cutting most of the vegetables, though Jenny didn't trust him with peppers and took care of those herself. Carrots, celery, three different kinds of lettuce, plus brussels sprouts also ended up in the ever growing salad. At last Jenny pushed a wayward piece of hair out of her face and smiled.

"Perfect. I think we have enough for everyone."

Gibbs eyed the salad dubiously. "Jen, I think we have enough for everyone and all their relatives."

"What?" she shrugged, "Salad is supposed to be good for you."

"That's what you keep telling me. But it just doesn't compare to steak. Speaking of which," he looked up eagerly, "what about tomorrow?"

"For what?" Jenny asked.

"Steak. Supper. You know, since there's no Noemi to spoil us on weekends?"

Regardless of the fact that Jenny didn't think she would be able to eat steak, she knew it had been awhile since her husband had gotten/made his favourite meal.

She shrugged. "Sure. I can do baked potatoes and steam some broccoli or something to go with it."

"The vegetables are mandatory?" Gibbs asked.

Jenny shook her head at him. "Yes Jethro. Remember those food groups? Vegetables are definitely mandatory." She glanced at the clock. "Oh. It's later than I thought. I need to go get dressed." She headed for the stairs, mumbling to herself. "Though I have no idea what I'm going to wear. I wish I'd thought about this sooner."

Gibbs covered the salad bowl and put it on the hall table, where hopefully they would remember to take it with them. By the time he got upstairs, Jenny had what looked like half her closet laid out on the bed, as she looked at things in and mirror and discarded them. Gibbs warily stayed in the doorway, knowing the inevitable question was coming and unsure whether he wanted to be a part of this decision.

It was no good asking husbands what their wives looked good in because husbands are naturally biased and think their wives look good in everything. That is not what women want to hear. He had a fleeting thought about calling Rachel to come and rescue him, but knew that there wasn't enough time for her to get here before they needed to leave. Finally Jenny noticed him there.

"Oh good, Jethro, just who I needed." She looked at the piles of clothes and shoes surrounding her and shrugged helplessly. "I don't know what to wear."

Gingerly perching on the side of the bed and still thinking about running away, Gibbs tried to smile. "Any favourites yet?" He gestured to everything that was no longer in her closet.

Jenny crossed her arms and looked at him, exasperated. "Jethro, if I had any favourites, we wouldn't be having this problem." She started going through her closet again and muttering comments about each thing she pulled out. "Too summery...don't really like that one...too dark...too dressy...I wouldn't even wear that to work." The list went on and on and Gibbs wondered about the logic of keeping clothes she didn't intend on wearing. Of course next week, she might love everything she hated today. It really was a no win situation.

Finally he dared to make a comment. "What about the sweater Ziva gave you for Christmas last year Jen?"

Jenny whirled around to look at him, eyebrows disappearing under her bangs. "You remember that Jethro?"

"Hey," he grinned, "we'd just gotten engaged. I was paying attention to everything."

She smiled. "I remember. Yes," she frowned, "Now where did I put that?"

Moving past him, Jenny started opening drawers, very much liking Jethro's suggestion. Finally she found it, tucked carefully in with a few of her other tops. The sweater was ivory, cashmere, and extremely comfortable. With her fancy jeans, a scarf maybe, some jewellery... Jenny smiled happily. Perfect. She kissed her husband on the cheek.

"You saved the day Jethro. Thank you." Jenny hummed while she collected everything else she needed and disappeared into the bathroom.

Gibbs glanced helplessly around him at all the clothes, wondering when they were going to make it back into the closet. Opening his own drawers, Gibbs became extremely thankful once again that he was a guy. It took him all of thirty seconds to pick a dark pair of jeans, and one of the dress shirts Jenny insisted he needed from his side of the closet. By the time Jenny opened the door, dressed and starting on her make up, Gibbs was ready to go. She looked at him and frowned.

"That is so unfair."

He looked down at his clothes. "What?"

"That it takes you no time at all to choose what you're going to wear and you still end up looking incredibly good in it."

Gibbs took in Jenny's outfit. The sweater hugged her torso and she had the sleeves pushed up to her elbows. A green and gold scarf was draped around her neck and the jeans she wore fit her perfectly, making her legs look longer than normal. She was still in bare feet, and he had a feeling she wouldn't be wearing high heels tonight. They were reserved strictly for work to make her look taller, or for fancy functions because they went well with all of her dresses.

He moved a little closer, not really daring to touch her while she had the mascara brush so close to her eye. "You look amazing Jen."

She smiled at him in the mirror. "And you're biased."

"No way." He shook his head. "Even if I weren't married to you, I would still think you looked great."

She applied some lipstick and checked her appearance. All seemed to be in order. "You're good for the ego Jethro," she said, walking by him to get back into their room, leaving a trail of perfume behind her. Gibbs breathed it in, knowing he would never smell that scent without thinking of his wife. Scanning the tangle of shoes littering the floor beside their bed, Jenny found the black slip ons she was looking for. They went well with jeans and were very comfortable.

"Okay," she smiled. "I'm ready."

Gibbs held out his hand. "Let's do this Mrs. Gibbs."

She laughed. No one else called her that. He just liked the way it sounded. "Lead the way Jethro."

Twenty minutes later they were pulling up at Ziva's apartment building. Already in the lot Gibbs recognized Abby's red car, Tony's Mustang, McGee's car, and of course, Ziva's Mini. She buzzed them in at the entrance and the front door was open when they came up the hall. They were just in time to hear Ducky.

"Now Mother, I told you, Tony is not a threat. Put the knife away Mother. No one wants to see that."

"Donald, who are these people?"

Ducky sighed and Gibbs and Jenny laughed as they walked in the room. Tonight was bound to be entertaining.


	97. Chapter 97

When Gibbs and Jenny walked in, Mrs. Mallard turned around and her eyes lit up. "You man, have we met before?"

Gibbs smiled indulgently. "Leroy Jethro Gibbs, ma'am."

Looking down shyly, Mrs. Mallard glanced at Gibbs from under her eyelashes. "You're very handsome Matthew. Are you...married?"

Gibbs looked at Jenny and pulled her closer. "Yes ma'am. This is my wife, Jenny."

Mrs. Mallard looked her up and down critically. "Don't you think he's handsome Rebecca?"

Jenny smiled. "Yes Mrs. Mallard, I do."

Abby was having a hard time keeping her laughter contained, finding this situation hilarious. Life was never boring with Ducky's mom around.

Victoria leaned close to Jenny. "I don't suppose you'll be done with him soon?"

Jenny squeezed her husband's hand. "No ma'am, I'm afraid not."

"Well, you really should come over and see me sometime Matthew," Mrs. Mallard continued. "We could have tea." She waved her hand. "I don't remember my number, but you can get it from Donald later."

She lost interest in them then, giving Gibbs and Jenny a chance to say hello to everyone else.

Ziva came forward first. "Shalom Jen." She kissed both of Jenny's cheeks. "Gibbs."

"Ziva."

"Glad you guys could make it Boss," McGee said with a smile.

"Gibbs!" Abby yelled, rushing to him for a hug.

"Hey Abs," he managed.

"Hi Jenny!"

Jenny got the same treatment and could only smile in response. "Hello Abby."

Mrs. Mallard was standing off to the side with Ducky, watching all this.

"That's Abigail, Mother," Ducky explained.

"You remind me of my sister Gloria," Mrs. Mallard told the Goth. Then she frowned. "I hated her. Did you know she-"

Ducky interrupted with a hand on the old lady's shoulder. "No one wants to hear about Aunt Gloria tonight Mother."

"DiNozzo," Gibbs nodded at his senior field agent.

"Hey Boss." Tony looked a little nervous.

Mrs. Mallard looked at Tony when she heard his name. "You're Italian!" she exclaimed.

Tony winced. "Uh...hi Mrs. Mallard."

"You're a gigolo!"

All the girls bit their lips or covered their mouths to keep from laughing.

"Well I..." Tony began, but Ducky just sighed and shook his head.

"I'm sorry Anthony. Just ignore her. Mother!" he glared at her, taking her arm. "Stop threatening people with your cane and sit down, please!"

Mrs. Mallard eyed her son suspiciously. "Where's Contessa? Tyson!" she called. "Honestly, I can't even trust you to watch them for a moment."

"Calm down Mother," Ducky said as if they'd gone through this already. "The dogs are at home."

"Is Mrs. Leary with them?" she demanded.

Ducky sighed. "Mrs. Leary left for Ireland ten years ago Mother."

"Oh." She looked deflated for a minute. "Well she's been gone a very long time. When is she getting back from her sister's? The house is a disgrace." Victoria looked at the others. "I keep telling Donald that but he never listens." Suddenly she looked confused and frowned. "Where are we Donald? Do I know these people?"

Ducky rolled his eyes. "Yes Mother. These are my co-workers. Now please, come. It's time for dinner. I'm sure Ziva has made us something wonderful."

Mrs. Mallard looked up at her son. "Haven't I had dinner yet?"

"No, you haven't," Ducky answered patiently.

Victoria glared at Ziva. "I hope you used butter tonight. Donald always uses bacon fat."

"I use canola oil Mother."

"Whatever." Mrs. Mallard shook her head. "It makes everything taste like dog food."

Ducky groaned. "Mother tell me you haven't been eating the dog food again!"

She ignored him and moved towards the tables that were set up with place settings already arranged. Jimmy was standing closest and pulled out her a chair for her.

"Hello Mrs. Mallard," he said cheerfully.

"Oh Leonard, good," she said. "Pour me a drink, will you? A single malt would be lovely."

Ducky took the chair next to his mother. "Jimmy is not a servant Mother and you don't get a drink tonight."

"That's not fair," she complained.

"Doctor's orders," Ducky said firmly.

"But you're a doctor Donald, can't you talk some sense into him?"

There was no reasoning with the woman. But just as Ducky thought she might stay silent for a moment, she gave the room an odd look.

"Why are we eating in the lounge? Where is the dining room?"

Ziva gestured to the room. "I do not have a dining room Mrs. Mallard."

The older woman shook her head. "Don't be silly my dear, everyone has a dining room."

But that was as far as the argument got. The rest of the group found seats, with Ziva at one end, Tony at the other, and the two couples in-between. It wasn't planned, but it would make it harder for the two partners to bicker, Gibbs reflected. When McGee sat down, his shirt lifted enough that his sidearm was visible. Mrs. Mallard dropped her knife on the plate with a clatter.

"Donald!" she whispered urgently, pointing. "That man has a gun."

She wasn't being very quiet and McGee overheard. "It's alright ma'am," he tried to explain, "I'm a federal agent."

Victoria frowned. "That's what they all say."

When everyone was comfortable, Ziva smiled. "Dig up!"

Although most of the guests caught her drift, a couple people wore confused looks.

"What?" Ziva asked.

"It's 'dig in', Ziva," Tony corrected.

"Fine. That too. Enjoy," she said.

Tonight Ziva had prepared a stirfry buffet for them. One pot held noodles, another rice. There were bowls of cooked vegetables, as well as one each of chicken and shrimp. Several different sauces were available and everyone helped themselves to what they liked best. It was delicious.

Mrs. Mallard refused to touch the noodles, declaring that they looked like worms, and Ducky's admonition not to be rude did not stop her. Jenny tried just a little of the stirfry, swishing it around on her plate and starting with a roll, hoping no one would notice she wasn't eating much. He may not say anything with so many people around, but she knew Jethro would worry regardless. Besides, Jenny had a headache threatening and she wondered if white chocolate could cause them. Still she smiled, because these people were her friends now and she couldn't help but enjoy their familiar antics.

"This is very good Ziva," Ducky commented after his first bite. "Thank you for having us tonight."

"Thank you Ducky," Ziva smiled. "But it was Abby's idea to have a 'family' weekend."

Abby shrugged. "I just love it when we're all together."

"So do I Abby," Jenny agreed, taking a small bite.

Gibbs looked around at the people seated in Ziva's livingroom. This was his family. And though it was hard to think of them like that at work sometimes when he was ordering them around or trying to keep the high school behaviour to a minimum, seeing them now he realized it was true.

Abby and McGee were definitely holding hands under the table, and sharing gooey glances, not bothering to hide their obvious infatuation with each other. There was no need to now anyways. Jimmy and Ducky were trying to have a conversation on the other side of the table, but Mrs. Mallard was constantly interrupting to ask Jimmy for a drink and demanding of Ducky why she had to eat dinner again.

Tony and Ziva were shooting each other funny looks, almost as if they were having ane entire conversation without saying one word, and Gibbs made a mental note to keep an eye on them. Rule 12 was pretty much shot now, with half his team, including him, breaking it. But he could still grumble about it if he caught them doing something at work.

About halfway through their meal, Mrs. Mallard caused a cessation of all conversations by scanning the table and asking her son a personal question. "Donald, why haven't you married any of these women? Really, it's about time I had some grandchildren."

Ducky looked like he wanted to disappear. "I'm afraid they're all taken Mother." His eyes implored Ziva not to contradict him. And besides, he had a feeling that his statement would eventually apply to her and the other currently single male agent at the table.

Mrs. Mallard fixed her eyes on Abby. "Your lady, are you married?"

Abby shot a sideways glance at McGee, who shrugged. Not wanting to lie, Abby said truthfully, "No ma'am," even if she expected to be before long. McGee couldn't seem to keep his eyes off her since they started dating. Well, before too that had been an issue, but now it was different.

Victoria looked at Ducky in triumph. "See Donald, I told you! There's still time." She looked back at Abby. "He's not getting any younger you know," she whispered, "you need to move fast missy."

"Mother please!" Ducky protested when Abby looked at him nervously.

Jimmy distracted Mrs. Mallard by asking a question about her corgis, and the rest of the table went back to what they'd been talking about before. The little woman made them nervous though, she was capable of anything. Abby mentioned something to Jimmy about her hippo, Bert, whom he seemed to have forgotten existed. Before she had a chance to get disgruntled about that, Mrs. Mallard jumped in.

"I once swam with hippos, when I was on safari in Kenya. But of course, over there women swam with noth-"

"Mother!" Ducky reprimanded. "We've talked about this!" He looked over at Ziva, who hadn't heard the entire conversation and now just looked confused. "I'm sorry my dear. Some days I can't do anything with her."

Ziva smiled warmly. "It is fine Ducky, I am glad to have your mother here."

Ducky stopped short of warning her that it was bound to get worse. Maybe tonight would be different.

Mrs. Mallard smiled charmingly before her expression dropped and she surveyed them all with a worried look on her face. "Who are you people?"

As everyone gradually finished up their meals, plates and cutlery and dishes were taken into the kitchen a few at a time. Ducky excused himself for a moment to make a necessary trip to the facilities and put Jimmy in charge of keeping an eye on his mother.

"Try to keep her from doing any damage Mr. Palmer. I shan't be long."

He'd been gone barely a minute when she jumped up from her seat, moving much more quickly than anyone expected and ninety-six year old lady could, and pulled a small knife from her blouse.

"Stay away from me, whoever you are! If any of you come near me, I shall disembowel you! Where are you keeping my son?" Ignoring their flabbergasted expressions, she yelled, "Donald? Donald! Where are you?"

"I'm here Mother," Ducky said, coming down the hall and looking concerned. "Whatever is the matter with you? Put the knife away please."

"Where have you been?" she demanded.

"I just went to the loo. I've barely been gone three minutes."

"Well, next time don't leave me with all these strangers."

Ducky sighed. "They're not strangers Mother."

Her forehead wrinkled even more. "Do I know them? They must be friends of yours Donald. I think you're forgotten all the manners I taught you. Are you going to introduce me? Who are they?" She looked at the others. "I'm sorry, I don't know what is wrong with that boy. Although," she reflected, "I once left him on a bus. Pity. He was such a pretty child."

"Oh dear," Ducky muttered, closing his eyes. It was exhausting to bring her out in public, but at least these people would understand better than most.

That seemed to be as good a time as any to finish cleaning up. While Ducky saw his mother safely seated in a chair away from everyone, the group pitched in to bring things into the kitchen, do dishes, find leftovers a home, fold up tables and chairs and put them back behind the door, and rearrange the furniture for the movie Tony had brought.

Mrs. Mallard lit up when the television was turned on, but when the opening scenes of Raider of the Lost Ark began to play, she turned to Ducky. "That's not wrestling!"

"No Mother, we're watching a movie tonight."

She banged her fist on the arm of the chair. "Donald, I thought we were going for a drive."

Ducky went over to Ziva and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you for a lovely evening Ziva, but I think it's time we head out. She'll be ready for bed soon." He moved back to where his mother sat. "Time to go Mother."

"Very well," Victoria sniffed. "But you mustn't drive so fast this time."

"Of course Mother."

Ducky helped her into her coat, shook Gibbs' hand and waved goodbye to everyone else.

"Oh, Ducky!" Abby called after him.

"Yes Abigail?"

"Are you coming to church with us tomorrow?"

Ducky shook his head. "I'm sorry, I don't think it's going to work for me. Mother likes to sleep late on Sundays. If I were to wake her, you might very well find me in Autopsy Monday morning, and not as the medical examiner!"

Abby laughed. "Okay Ducky. 'Night Mrs. Mallard." But she was already down the hall.

Tony jumped up from the couch. "Oops! Forgot the popcorn."

Ziva followed him. "I do not want you in my kitchen unsupervised Tony."

"What? Don't you trust me?"

"Not with anything that can be blown up." She crossed her arms and stared at him.

Tony held up his hands innocently. "Hey, you're the one who can make a bomb out of a styrofoam ball and some toothpaste like MacGuyver, not me."

Ziva frowned. "Who is MacGuyver?"

The only thing the other's heard was Tony's groan. A couple of minutes later they appeared back in the livingroom with three bowls of popcorn they passed around to everyone. Then Tony pressed play, Ziva hijacked the remote and the movie began.


	98. Chapter 98

It was eight-thirty by the time Gibbs and Jenny returned home, bearing leftovers Ziva had insisted they take. "It is too much for me!" she had protested, so while Gibbs changed into something that wasn't dress clothes, Jenny turned on the light in the kitchen and shuffled things around in the fridge to make room for the stirfry bowls.

She had been thinking about something today, wanting to talk to her husband about it, but not knowing how to bring it up. When Gibbs came into the kitchen a few minutes later, Jenny put down what she was holding, turned around and kissed him. She had to smile at the look on his face when she leaned back. Gibbs hadn't expected the kiss, but it was a good kind of surprise.

"Do you think we should try again?" she whispered, staying close.

Gibbs didn't have to ask what she meant, he could see it in her eyes. But this time he wasn't so sure. He took hold of her hands gently, turning them over and rubbing his thumbs lightly over the scars etched into her wrists from her struggle against the ropes.

"I don't know," he said honestly. Looking into Jenny's green eyes, Gibbs saw the confusion there. He sighed. "Don't look at me like that Jen. It's not that I don't want to be with you. You know I do. But last time..." Gibbs closed his eyes. "I lost you for days Jen. This week was rough enough all by itself." He shook his head. "I can't be that distant from you again. It's not good for us."

Jenny looked down, fiddling with the buttons on his shirt. "I just want to be us again," she said in a voice so soft he almost missed the words. She'd said it so much the last couple of weeks, wanted it since she'd gotten back, though not always just in the physical sense. When would it happen?

Gibbs pulled her tight against his chest, cupping the back of her head with his hand. "We are us Jenny, we haven't lost anything." He struggled to reassure her and to come up with the words to explain how he saw them. "The way we were before...it's just...hidden for awhile. If us has to be different now, while you're healing, it doesn't mean I don't still love you with all my heart."

She nodded into his chest. Not every day, and not every time she was hurting, but sometimes her husband said exactly the right thing. Jenny wasn't sure how she felt about sex right now. It was a week later, she'd learned a lot, things had been good, bad, worse, and a little ugly at times, but she was still standing. And she was willing to find out what she wanted.

"I want to love you with more than just my heart," she stared into his eyes, willing him to read what she was thinking, what she was feeling.

Gibbs wondered if Jenny knew how irresistible she was when she was just standing ensconced in his arms, looking at him like he was her whole world.

"Jen..." her nearness was almost intoxicating, his protest sounding weaker than he meant for it to. "I won't do something that will just push you further way. I can't lose you again."

Jenny kissed him again, letting her lips linger on his. "I'm not going anywhere," she tried to convince him. "Jethro, all I'm saying is try."

"And if it's like last time?" Gibbs pushed, needing to know what would happen, that the end would be different.

She sighed. "Then I promise you can hold onto me and I won't hate you if you don't let go, even if I act like I want you to."

"I will love you just as much without it Jen," he said hoarsely, unable to tamp down his desire for her any longer. She saw it burst into flames in his eyes, his body warming against hers.

"I know." Jen put her hand softly on his face. "But it's just another way to say 'I love you'. Let me try and say it Jethro."

This time when she kissed him, Gibbs kissed her back, molding his mouth to hers, taking everything from Jenny that she was willing to give in that moment. He let his hands travel down her body, slowly tracing her curves. Then he laid them against her back, pressing her closer to him. And Gibbs knew, that even if they were in the kitchen right now, sooner or later they would make it up to their bedroom. He only hoped they could still look each other in the eye after this try.

**NCIS**

Sooner or later became sooner, as their kisses got deeper and lasted longer, and their desire for each other grew. Gibbs took his wife's hands, walking backwards, leading them up the staircase. He stopped, every few steps, to taste her again, to be sure that this was real, that she was ready. He never saw any hesitation on her part, only love radiated from those beautiful eyes.

When they made it into their bedroom, they both laughed at the mess that was still on their bed, and it was okay to take a breath for a minute, to quickly hang things up in the closet, and push aside the pile of shoes that cluttered up the floor beside the bed. Jenny walked around Gibbs, spinning away when he reached for her, and raided his drawer for an old NIS t-shirt. It was what she usually wore after they'd made love, mostly because it was what he had taken off, and she always seemed to like his clothes for after more than her own.

When he tried to follow her into the bathroom, Jenny placed a single finger to his lips, a note of seriousness in her eyes, that for the moment covered over her desire.

"What is it Jen?" he asked, hoping she wasn't having second thoughts, trying to prepare himself if she was.

She looked down. "It's too hard...I can't..." she faltered, then took a deep breath and met his eyes. "I just don't want to be naked yet Jethro." She shook her head. "It...it takes me back." Jenny shrugged. "Naked...on a bed," her eyes pleaded with him to understand, "it still scares me."

"Hey," Gibbs said, all husband instead of lover right now, "Jen, I will let you give me whatever you are ready for, but I'm not going to insist on anything. Would I love to see you without anything on? Of course. But if wearing a t-shirt makes you more comfortable, that's okay. Plus," he grinned, "I always think you look great in my shirt."

Jenny swatted him with the t-shirt and he kissed her hand, before she hurried into the bathroom. Tonight she didn't look at her body in the mirror. She didn't want to see what wasn't there anymore, she didn't want to see what was. She didn't want to examine her eyes and see what stories they might tell. All she wanted was to go back out there and love her husband. She stopped short of praying that it wouldn't be awkward this time, or painful, not sure that was appropriate.

Back in their room, Gibbs stripped down to his boxers and stood for a moment, debating whether to wait for Jenny in bed or out of it. Before he could decide, the door to the bathroom opened again, and Jenny stood there in his baggy gray t-shirt, her hair down, looking sweet and innocent and incredibly sexy. Gibbs came forward and kissed her. She followed him to their bed and climbed in after him, getting comfortable under the covers before reaching out to touch him again.

It was so familiar and somehow new all at the same time. They'd done this dance perhaps hundreds of times but there was still a caution to it this night, a hesitancy to their movements, in case she might react badly. Gibbs waited for Jenny to make the first move, and it seemed an achingly long time before she reached out and put her hand on his chest. Gibbs moved closer, framing her face with his hands and capturing her lips again.

While they kissed, Jenny's hands began to wander from his chest down to his stomach, up his back, across his shoulders, setting his skin on fire wherever she touched. He moaned against her mouth, and she let his tongue in, closing her eyes and kissing him back with equal passion. She settled back against the pillows, and Gibbs laid his body over hers, careful not to rest his full weight on her. He traced the graceful curve of her neck down to her shoulders, and kissed the skin around her collar bone. Jenny tangled her legs with his and pulled him closer, enjoying the soft kisses he pressed to her eyelids, down her nose, and on her earlobes.

Before too long, she was fingering the waistband of his boxers and Gibbs got the hint and discarded them without moving away from her. The next step was when he began to slowly inch up the t-shirt covering her. Jenny knew what was coming, and although this was what she wanted, a little fear still sat rooted in her mind, wondering if it would hurt. His kisses were a good distraction though, her mind was clouded by passion for her husband.

They had only just started when Jenny's eyes suddenly flew open, and she pushed Gibbs away, making a dash for the bathroom, a hand over her mouth. Grabbing bottoms, Gibbs leapt off the bed and went after her. Jenny was leaning over the toilet, one hand keeping her hair out of her face, and the other supporting her weight on the seat. Gibbs twisted her hair together and held it away from her face, rubbing her back as she retched.

Finally she sat back on the floor, flushing the toilet and wiping a hand over her mouth. Jenny looked up and forced a laugh. "So much for our romantic evening, huh? I'm sorry," she flickered her eyes to his. "Gosh, I don't know what's wrong with me!"

She stood up and went over to the sink, rinsing out her mouth and quickly brushing her teeth to get rid of the taste. Gibbs knew he hated being sick. He reached for her face cloth and handed it to her, receiving a mumbled thanks. Running it under the hottest water possible, Jenny pressed the cloth to her face, soaking in the heat. When it had dissipated, she wiped her face and turned to face him.

Gibbs came to her and pulled her close, meaning the hug to be comforting, but his body was screaming at her nearness. His muscles were quivering, he wanted her so badly. But his head, thankfully still in control, told him he better fix this or he could lose her again. He knew she'd be self-conscious, maybe embarrassed about what happened. But it certainly wasn't like she could help it.

He pulled back so he could look into her eyes. "Are you okay?"

She nodded. "I feel fine now. I don't know why I got sick. Delayed reaction or something?" She stamped her bare foot, feeling frustrated. "I thought I was ready this time Jethro, I really thought it would be okay."

Gibbs lowered his head and began putting a trail of kisses all over her face and down her neck. Jenny leaned her head to the side, welcoming his touch. She wasn't afraid to have him touch her like this, something she considered a good sign.

His voice was a little breathless when he stopped and looked at her again. "Jen, if you don't want to, if you're not ready, that's fine." Gibbs rested his forehead against hers. "Don't think you have to make yourself ready for me. I can wait." He chuckled, knowing his body was reacting contrary to that statement, and Jenny managed a small smile "I would never do anything to hurt you. Please, tell me you know that."

Jenny rested her hands on his face, kissing him with surprising strength. She twined her arms around his neck, her eyes never leaving his. "I do," she said softly, then amended that statement. "Well, part of me knows that. The other part is still scared sometimes because of what he did, and what's left over is wondering if we will ever get back what was stolen."

Gibbs kissed her again, long and slow and tenderly. "We'll get it back Jen," he whispered when he could breathe. "But if it doesn't happen tonight, I have no trouble laying in bed for awhile and making out with my wife."

The grin he gave her was very suggestive, and Jenny couldn't help but smile back. "Well," she said, walking two fingers up his chest, "that sounds rather like an offer I can't refuse."

Just for that, Gibbs pressed his lips lightly to hers, then took her hand as Jenny willingly followed him back into the bedroom. If this was what they could have right now, Gibbs knew he would take it. The time they spent together after that was sweet, as much as it was sometimes passionate too. There was kissing, and touching, and whispered words, and sometimes no words at all.

Jenny fell asleep an hour later curled on her side. Gibbs, however, lay there for a long time watching her body move as she breathed, drawing his fingers through her hair, and running them lightly down her back. He didn't want to lose contact with her, even to sleep, and his hand was resting on her hip when he finally closed his eyes that night.

**NCIS**

Hours later, Jenny was snapped out of a sound sleep when her husband grabbed her suddenly, and for a moment she was afraid, there was something desperate about his touch.

"No, no, stop! Jenny!" he cried, and when she rolled over she could tell he was dreaming. But the way his muscles tense and his face was contorted told her it was not just any dream, but a nightmare.

She tried to move, but he just held her tighter, so tight it was almost uncomfortable, his hands rough. Jenny struggled against him, and suddenly his eyes opened, and he immediately released her, turning away, his breaths coming hard and fast. She frowned, confused. Normally if he was dreaming about her, he woke up wanting to have her in his arms. This seemed to be the exact opposite.

Jenny hesitated to touch him, afraid of causing him more distress, and suddenly she wondered if this was how her husband felt, when she woke after seeing the bunker in her sleep. Tentatively she reached over and rested her fingertips on his shoulder. He flinched and she withdrew, feeling helpless. But Gibbs had been there for her when she needed him, he hadn't left even when she'd pushed him away. So now it was her turn.

"Jethro?" she said softly. A slight turning of his head indicated that he was listening, so she tried again, sliding a little bit closer. "Jethro, look at me." He held still for a long time, as if giving this request a great deal of though. "Please honey," she added, waiting. Finally he rolled over, and she nearly winced at the pain in his eyes.

Wanting to help, wanting to do anything that would take away that hurt, Jenny put her hand against his cheek. Gibbs' eyes closed and he looked almost ready to cry. She was completely baffled. What would cause a reaction like that? Moving even nearer, she put her other hand on his chest, wondering if he would let her hold him.

Gibbs hesitated, unable to erase the images in his head, what he'd seen while he was sleeping. It was awful, and he cringed just remembering it. Only Jenny's soft hand on his cheek kept him grounded. Finally he gave in, and Jenny sensed it in the way his body relaxed a fraction. She wrapped her arms around him then, undeniably relieved when his arms came around her as well, his grip nearly crushing as he tried to reassure himself that she was okay, all the while wondering how okay was even possible anymore.

Jenny waited, minutes and minutes passed, and finally she dared to ask. "Will you tell me Jethro? What you saw that was so awful?"

"Jenny," his voice broke and he buried his head closer into her neck, letting out a sigh, "I don't think I can."

Wishing she could do something to make him feel better, to relieve whatever it was that was causing him so much distress, Jenny accepted his answer.

"It's alright," she whispered. "I just thought you might feel better if you talked about it."

Gibbs rubbed his eyes. "I don't know of anything that would make this feel better." Jenny's response was to hold him tighter, and Gibbs couldn't have been more thankful for her touch. That she was there beside him in bed, safe, helped. And after awhile he wondered if he should share the dream.

"You won't let go, will you Jen?" he asked. "If I tell you what I was dreaming?"

Jenny pulled back from him only far enough so he could see the truth in her eyes. "I will never let you go Jethro, I promise."

Gibbs brought her to him again, unable to look into her face while he recounted the nightmare. "I was there," he began, "in the bunker." At that word, Jenny's body stiffened for a moment, but he could feel her consciously decide to relax again. "And.." he closed his eyes again, but that only made the images more vivid. "And I saw what he was doing to you Jenny. Oh gosh, I could see him hurting you, I could hear you screaming, but I couldn't move. I was trying to get to my gun, I was trying to yell at him, to tell him to get away from you, but he couldn't hear me, and you couldn't see that I was trying to save you. Oh geez Jenny, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry!"

Only with the greatest concentration, and by putting her focus on her husband and the guilt he felt, was Jenny able to keep herself from remembering what her husband had seen. Only the combination of his interrogation with her attacker and what she'd told him of her story, would enable his subconscious to create a picture that vivid.

"Jethro," she crooned his name over and over, "oh honey, I'm so sorry. It's okay. I know...I knew that whole time I was there, that you wouldn't stop until you found me. It's not your fault, please don't think it's your fault."

Jenny held him tighter, trying to love away the hurt he had to be feeling. No matter what she did or said, she knew that she couldn't save him from the guilt he felt for not being by her side that night, for not getting to the bunker in time to stop her from ever being hurt. She didn't blame him, she could never blame him. Jethro loved her, and he was the only one who would be able to get her through to the other side of healing.

Gibbs body heaved, and when Jenny felt his warm tears on her neck, she couldn't keep her own back. So they held each other, and they cried, for what was lost, for the hurt of that forty hours, and the healing most days they were just trying to survive. Jenny whispered every kind of comfort she could think of, and Gibbs drank it in like a man who had never tasted water. In a way, though it made Gibbs aware of a burden he didn't even know he carried, that time together, holding each other, was another step to healing both their hearts.

At last he shifted, laying back on the mattress, frustrated for having seen something he didn't want to see, and for shedding tears he never used. Jenny didn't say a word, she just curled her body into his side, resting her ear over his heart and placing her palm on his chest. After a moment, Gibbs put his hand over hers, and used his other arm to keep her close. They fell asleep like that, and Gibbs wondered how long it would be before he could want Jenny and not see the image now burned into his mind.

But Jenny's only thoughts were for her husband, wishing he'd been spared the pictures she carried with her. As her eyes grew heavier and her breathing slowed, Jenny knew she had to reaffirm it, one last time.

"I love you," she whispered. And it was the last thing he remembered before sleep took over once more.


	99. Chapter 99

_A/N: Hey guys! I just wanted to thank you all for continuing to read and review this story. The feedback has been great and I'm looking forward to this last week with Gibbs and Jenny. Also, just to let you know, I'm going to be away this weekend for New Years and won't have access to internet or my computer, so these will be the last new chapters until Monday night, maybe Tuesday. Thanks again and Happy New Year everybody! :D See you in 2011!_

For once Jenny was the first to wake up. She awoke slowly, registering different things as her brain cells rebooted and her senses perked up. She was laying on Jethro's chest, the hair there soft against her cheek. She listened, but heard only slow, even breathing coming from her husband, so he was still sleeping._ And please God having a better dream than the one he had last night_, she though, repressing a shiver.

His arm was solid at her back, but lax, his other hand no longer covering hers. It was sunny out today, and probably time they were getting up, if they didn't want to be late for church. Abby would never forgive them. But Jenny was content to stay in bed a little longer. After a few moments, she reached her hand back and slowly moved Gibbs' arm away from her waist. If he immediately reacted, she would stay where she was, not wanting to cause him any distress.

But his breathing didn't change, and after another minute passed, Jenny slowly sat up, pulling her legs up and just watching her husband. There was no denying Mrs. Mallard was right, her husband was a very handsome man. Sexy silver, hair, those ice blue eyes that saw right through her, a square jaw, hard muscular arms from hours shaping his precious boats, fit body...Jenny smiled. She was one lucky woman.

And the things she loved the best about him, were the things no one else saw. His strong heart. Though beaten and bruised and scarred up by the twists and turns of life and duty, just as his body was, it was still capable of an enormous amount of love and caring. Jenny appreciated his protective instincts, even when they bordered on smothering. She loved his stubbornness, sometimes they fought just so they could make up, and he didn't back down when it was something important, not even to her.

Calloused hands that could hold her as gently as he would a newborn baby. Feet used to chasing down bad guys could also waltz her around a room, moving lightly and gracefully, dancing was another of their languages of love. The guy who didn't like TV or movies at all, would sit through a chick flick just to have an excuse to hold her close. And the tough, hard man who lead his team with a make it or break it attitude, had started courting her all over again, lavishing her with expressions of love, demonstrating over and over again that she could trust him, that he wasn't going anywhere, that they were in this together.

Oh how she loved this man! What her life would be like without him...Jenny didn't even want to think about that. He was her gift, her unexpected delight. She was forever thankful that she'd gone over to his house that night, to tell him the truth she'd been hiding and running away from for seven years. If she hadn't, they might not be here like this at all. And Jenny had no desire at all to spend any of her life without Jethro.

Finally Gibbs stirred, noticing first that he could no longer feel Jenny against him, which would have brought him instant concern if he couldn't also tell there were eyes on him. _Good old agent instincts_. He sighed.

"You know I can't sleep with you watching me Jen."

Jenny smiled. "How did you know? Your eyes are still closed."

He smirked. "Babe, I would be able to feel your gaze on me even if we were in a room with a thousand other people."

"Got skills, huh?" she teased, and he opened his eyes.

Red hair hanging over her shoulders and trailing down her back. His t-shirt still covering her body. Delicate legs pulled up to her chest. Those crazy green eyes he fell for every time. And smiling lips he wanted to use for another purpose.

"You forgot something," he said, lazily closing his eyes again.

Jenny tilted her head. "What's that?"

He smiled. "My good morning kiss."

"Ohh...that," Jenny said. "Okay." She got onto her knees and leaned forward, pecking his cheek. "How's that?"

Gibbs frowned and opened one eye to look at her again. "Not exactly the kind of kiss I was thinking about."

She raised her eyebrows. "And what kind of kiss were you hoping for Jethro?"

Gibbs reached over to hook his hand behind her head, and slowly drew her down to him. "This kind," he whispered, moving his lips over hers. One small kiss turned into an open mouthed kiss, that was deeper and lasted longer than either of them had expected. When they finally had to pull apart to breath, Jenny smiled up at him.

"Good morning."

He laughed. "Morning Jen." Stretching, he sighed. "Are you sure it's time to get up?"

"Do you really want to try to explain to Abby why you're late?"

"I give. Breakfast?"

Jenny chuckled. "We're just going to have it for lunch anyways. I was thinking about a glass of orange juice." Gibbs gave her a look and she sighed. "And a slice of toast with strawberry jam?"

"Better," Gibbs said, finally dragging himself into a sitting position. "You know, that sounds pretty good to me too."

"Except you want blueberry jam or marmalade, yes?"

Gibbs considered his choices. "I'll have what you're having."

She poked him in the side. "You just want the shower first." There was something in his eyes, and Jenny was sure he was going to ask her to join him, she could read it there as clearly as if it were printed in a book. But then a shadow crossed his face and he looked away, leaving her confused. Something to think about later.

"I'll fight you for it," he offered, dredging up a smile. In their case it didn't mean a physical or a verbal fight. Ever since he could remember, probably when Tony joined the team, disputes tended to be settled by a simple game, or three, of Rock, Paper, Scissors. While juvenile and entirely senseless, it seemed to work quite well, and he and Jenny had adopted it as well, to settle decisions when neither would give or they were both trying to be nice.

"That's okay," she moved to climb off her side of the bed, "I can get things ready so you can eat when you get out."

Jenny knew him too well. Gibbs could tell just by the subtle shift in her demeanor, that she had seen more in his eyes than he'd wanted her to. He would love to have Jenny sharing the shower with him, he'd wanted it for days. But the dream from last night wouldn't let go of him, and anything that looked like desire, he was afraid of right now. Kissing and holding her was one thing, trying to go any further now that he had a deeper understanding of what she went through, was something Gibbs was not prepared to face just yet.

Down in the kitchen, Jenny went through the motions of making a quick breakfast, but her mind was far away. She couldn't remember a time in their relationship where she had seen desire in his eyes and Gibbs had done nothing about it. Now granted, sometimes their location prevented them from doing anything about their desire. But today they were at home, alone, with enough extra time that perhaps something could've happened. And it puzzled her.

Had the dream affected him that much? Maybe it's because Jenny was more used to the images of her attack, if one could get used to that sort of thing, that it didn't impact her quite as profoundly. Or perhaps this was the first time Gibbs had thought that much about what she'd actually suffered, that it was causing a change in his behaviour. Either way, Jenny didn't like it. As it was, she wasn't sure what her answer would've been, but she still wished her husband has asked the question.

Feeling a little disgruntled and knowing she had no right to be, Jenny had been the main one keeping them from going any further than kissing for the last few weeks, she tried to let the emotions go. But it proved to be an intense struggle inside herself, and it was harder than she expected to put on a smile and act normal when her husband came downstairs less than fifteen minutes later.

Jenny cautiously nibbled at her toast, not wanting a repeat of last night's throwing up episode. The orange juice agreed better with her, and she had two glasses before hurrying upstairs to get ready for church. By nine-thirty they were out the door and Jenny was surprised when Gibbs reached for her hand in the car. But if that's what he was comfortable with, she would take it. So she smiled at him, a genuine one this time, and tried to remember that she was only just getting a taste of what her husband had been dealing with for the longest three weeks of their lives.

Gibbs chanced a side glance at Jenny, glad to see her content. He'd known her smile was fake when he came downstairs, and he figured she was trying to work out what was going on with him. She seemed better after her shower, like she'd accepted an unchangeable fact, and now he was just glad to have her sitting there, holding his hand.

He couldn't change what he was feeling right now, so he was grateful for her understanding. Nearly everyone from their group was waiting for them at the bottom of the church steps when they pulled into the parking lot. Jenny waved at Abby, and the two of them joined their friends, keeping their fingers linked together.

Abby kept scanning the parking lot impatiently, while McGee stood by her side and kept a hand on her back.

"Where is he?" she demanded after several minutes had gone by.

Ziva rolled her eyes. "You know Tony. The man will be late for his own funeral." Then she screwed up her face. "How is that even possible?" she questioned. "Dead is dead, you cannot be on time or late for dying."

The team exchanged glances and Jenny tapped her cheek thoughtfully. "That's a good question Ziva. I think part of the problem with our American sayings is that they are so ingrained in our speech, we rarely take time to figure out whether they make sense or not."

"You should try learning English sometime," Ziva complained. "It is not my favourite language." She muttered something in Hebrew that none of them dared to ask her to translate.

Just then Tony's Mustang came screeching into the lot. He jumped out and jogged towards the group, his suit looking a little disheveled. "You wouldn't believe the traffic this morning," he began, only to be silenced by Abby's dark glare. He attempted a grin, but it fell quickly. "Okay, okay, stop giving me the death look. I slept in, I'm sorry. But I'm here now. Are we good?"

Abby eyed him for another minute and finally smiled, linking her arm with his. "Well, at least you're here. Hopefully Father Nate is a little bit late getting to the pulpit. Let's go!"

Like good little followers, the team fell into place behind Abby as she led them all into the church and proudly sat with them all in her pew. She sat there, grinning radiantly, with McGee on one side holding her lace glove encased hand, and Tony on the other. Ziva sat beside McGee and Jenny between Tony and Gibbs.

It was a nice little group, although anyone who glanced casually at them would never guess that the assassin, the geek, the Goth, the playboy, the politician, and the Marine belonged to the same family. But it didn't have to make sense to anyone else, all the mattered was that it worked for the team and it made Abby happy. Gibbs squeezed Jenny's hand and tuned into the announcements, smiling just a little, happy to be right where he was.

**NCIS**

"Hey!" Tony protested. "I was not the one that started that popcorn fight last night. That was McGeek here, looking all boyish and innocent."

"I was trying to catch the kernels in my mouth Tony, I was not throwing them at you," McGee countered.

"Yeah, uhuh, and then one lands in Ziva's hair and I get blamed for throwing popcorn and then all of popcorndom broke loose. You guys even had the Autopsy Gremlin against me!"

"That is the problem with always being the one to start trouble Tony," Ziva stated matter of factly, "when it is not your fault, you still look guilty and must be proven innocent."

"I'm having security cameras installed," Tony grumbled.

"Do not be such a sport spoil," Ziva returned.

Tony rolled his eyes. "I give up."

"Give up on what?" she asked, narrowing her eyes.

"Your English Ziva, you're never going to get it right."

The dagger look she shot at him and the brief exclamation in Hebrew caused Tony's attention to suddenly be elsewhere.

"It's too bad Ducky and his mother couldn't come today," Abby lamented.

"I'm kind of glad they stayed home Abs," Tony admitted. "Mrs. Mallard scares me."

Abby frowned. "She's just a sweet old lady Tony."

"Yeah, except you're not the one always getting called an Italian gigolo and being asked to move random furniture and threatened with disembowelment when she can't remember who you are after the first two seconds." He crossed his arms. "I like my insides."

"Well I remind her of a sister she hates," Abby pointed out, "she keeps flirting with Gibbs and she never gets his name right. She's afraid McGee is going to shoot her and wonders why Palmer isn't getting her a drink. It's not like you're the only one."

"Well, I feel picked on," Tony muttered.

"Relax DiNozzo," Gibbs put in. "She's ninety-six years old, give her a break."

It was nearing one o'clock and the group had taken over the small diner for the last hour. Upon Abby's insistence, everyone ordered breakfast, something which confused poor Ziva to no end and Abby's explanation only made it worse. In the end though, those at their table feasted on everything from bacon and eggs, to omelettes, to toasted westerns, pancakes, and waffles.

Their waitress, Cathy, who thought she knew this 'family' when it just included Abby, Gibbs, and Jenny, was now completely thrown with the inclusion of three extra people and how the younger ones all acted like siblings, for the most part. When she saw Abby kiss McGee on the cheek, and the way Tony looked at Ziva when she wasn't paying attention to him, she finally gave up and decided not to ask.

"So," Jenny sat back and smiled, pushing her plate away, "what does everyone have planned for the afternoon?"

"Tim and I are taking Jethro to the dog park," Abby smiled. "He's got a date with a cute black lab."

"Abby," McGee shook his head, "Jethro does not have a date. He's a bachelor. Just him and me." At her raised eyebrow look he quickly amended his answer. "And you of course, when you're around."

"That's better," Abby told him, hoping that she would be around a whole lot more in the very near future. She was getting tired of just the snippets of life they shared. If McGee was planning forever, he better hurry up. Abby was not a patient person. But she knew even if McGee waited a year to ask her (heaven forbid!) she would be ready to say yes. She loved him and that was not going to change with time, expect that maybe she would love him a little bit more every day.

Ziva rested her face in her hands. "I was thinking about going for a run," she told them. "Sunday is my lay-in day."

"'Sleep in' Ziva. 'Lay-in' is an English expression."

Ziva punched him in the arm. "We are speaking English, are we not Tony?"

"No," he sighed. "I mean English-English, like what they speak in Britain."

"Is it not all the same language?" He was not making any sense at all.

"Well, it is, except for the accent, you know, and the royalty...but that's not the point. It's like, Ducky language, not good old, every day, American English."

She rolled her eyes. "And you wonder why I get confused."

"Ahh, it' s more fun that way," Tony grinned, ruffling her hair. Then he couldn't breathe for a minute, because Ziva elbowed him in the chest and knocked the wind out of him.

McGee high-fived Ziva and Gibbs just sipped his coffee. "You kind of deserved that one Tony."

"This is so not my day," he groaned.

"And how is that different from every other day?" Ziva asked gleefully.

He glared at her. "Normally, my life is like a James Bond movie. Great car, nice shoes, expensive clothes, beautiful women, high tech agent skills...you know."

Abby laughed. "I think you watched one too many Bond movies at our sleepover Tony. It's gone to your head."

"It was already in his head," Ziva argued, "and that is the problem." She fluttered her hands in frustration. "He does not live in reality."

"Not in your reality maybe, but mine is good for a whole lot of creative thinking."

Just as Ziva took a breath to launch into another argument on reality, Gibbs held up his hand. "And I think this is where we get off. Time to head home, all of you," he said pointedly. The team grumbled a little bit and all reached into wallets or purses for money to contribute to the total. Gibbs and Jenny left a generous tip for Cathy, in thanks for having dealt with all of them.

Once outside, there were hugs all around from Abby, kisses on the cheek, and handshakes.

"0730 tomorrow!" Gibbs reminded his team, even though they wouldn't dream of coming in any later.

Tony followed Ziva to her car and she glanced at him suspiciously. "What do you want Tony? I am through arguing with you. I need to go."

"Well, that's the thing. I just happened to have my running stuff here, and I was wondering if I could join you."

"You want to...come for a run with me?" Ziva asked, completely surprised. "I do not think you will be able to keep up."

"Pfft. Come on, Ziva, you're looking at the king of fitness."

She looked him up and down and patted his tummy gently. "Yes, I think you have two pack there, fitness king," she grinned.

"Hey!" he said. "Don't underestimate what this physique is capable of. I've got...you know...skills."

"I run five miles Tony," Ziva informed him with a straight face, enjoying how he paled slightly and then tried to cover it up.

"I'm good for eight," he boasted.

Ziva continued to her car, waving her keys at him. "Fine. Come. But I think you will be eating my dirt."

Tony rolled his eyes. "'Dust."

Ziva looked at her car. "Where?"

Tony shook his head. "Never mind. I'll follow you?"

"Yes," Ziva smiled, "you will be."

Abby and McGee had come together, and so left together, wanting to stop at Abby's first so she could change out of church clothes into something more suitable for playing with Jethro. Gibbs and Jenny watched the team split up and leave, before he held the door for her to get into the car.

"So, what do you want to do this fine afternoon Mrs. Gibbs?" her husband asked with a smile.

"Do you want to go to the park?" she asked. "Nice day for a walk, maybe a jog around on the path?"

"Sunday afternoon is always a great time to be with my favourite person," he told her. "I'm game."

"Let's go change," Jenny suggested. "And you might have to buy me ice cream later."

Gibbs kissed her hand. "I think I can handle that." He put the car in drive and headed for home. It looked like it was going to be a good day.


	100. Chapter 100

_A/N: 100 chapters! Isn't that wild? When I started writing APTP I was thinking it might get to forty chapters, lol :P Thanks for sticking with the story so long guys, I really appreciate it! We're down to the last week in our story timeline, only 6 days left after Sunday is done. I'm anticipating no more than 20 more chapters after these next two. So please keep reading and thanks again for all the reviews and encouragement - you guys are what has gotten me this far. Love you all!_

After a quick stop at home to change, Gibbs and Jenny tied on running shoes and hit the sidewalk to jog to the park. The day was a pleasant temperature for the end of October and both enjoyed the chance to stretch their legs and be active. Gibbs had been on desk duty most of the week and Jenny hadn't been to the gym since the day she used it to fight he memories. She was feeling lazy and put her focus on her breathing and the rhythm their feet were beating out on the street.

They rounded the corner where the sidewalk joined the paved path that led around the park. Of course, it being Sunday afternoon, many people were taking advantage of the sunshine and mild temperatures to take their kids to the park or just spend some time together outside.

After doing a leisurely circuit of the park, they slowed to a walk and Gibbs reached for Jenny's hand, returning her smile.

"That was nice," Jenny commented after awhile.

Gibbs just rubbed his thumb back and forth across the back of her hand.

Eventually their walk took them back to where they started, and without a word they agreed to head for home. Once inside, Jenny walked over to the storage closet under the stairs and opened the door, sighing. Gibbs came up behind her and rested his hands on her shoulders.

"What ya thinking Jen?"

"That this closet needs to be cleaned out. I haven't gone through it in years."

If Gibbs thought Jenny's idea was kind of out of the blue, he had the good sense not to mention it. He'd learned the hard way that nothing wives did had to make sense to him.

"I can drag boxes out if you want to go through them," he offered.

Jenny looked at him in surprise. "You don't have to help Jethro." She smiled. "I'm sure there's other things you'd rather be doing."

"I'd rather be spending time with you Jen," her husband insisted. "It doesn't matter what we're doing."

"Okay," Jenny's eyes twinkled, "but just remember you volunteered."

She helped Gibbs with the first two rows of boxes, piling them in the hallway until she saw a label on one.

"Oh my," she said softly, sitting down on the floor and opening the box.

"What is it Jen?" Gibbs asked.

"Jethro," she looked up at him wide eyed, "these are my mother's things."

Gibbs crouched down beside her. "You didn't know they were here?"

Jenny shook her head. "One day about three months after she died, I got home from school and everything was gone. My father had packed it all up. I never heard her name spoken again." She shrugged. "I thought maybe he just couldn't live with any reminders of her around anymore. Except I was still there, every day for years."

Gibbs didn't know what to say. He leaned over and kissed Jen on the head, leaving her to her memories.

Slowly Jenny began to pull things from the box. Half a dozen pictures frames were first. Jenny and her parents after one of her dance recitals, a picture from the day her parents were married, the three of them when Jenny was born, a day at the park, her first day of Kindergarten where her father took the morning off work and they both walked her to school.

The last picture was one Jenny had missed deeply since the last day she'd seen it, nearly twenty-five years ago. It was Jenny and her mom out in the garden. They weren't even looking right at the camera. Instead Jenny was smiling and Olivia was laughing at something her daughter had just said. They knelt on the ground together, pressing dirt around new plants.

"Jethro," Jenny turned to him, holding up the frame, "this is my mother."

Gibbs put his hand on the picture frame. "She was beautiful Jen," he said after a moment.

"She was," Jenny replied softly.

"You have her eyes," he noticed, then smiled. "But where did you get the red hair?"

Jenny laughed. It had been a lifelong question. "That always was a mystery. Neither of my grandparents had red hair and my parents were only children, so I have no idea."

"Do you still miss her Jen?" Gibbs asked. The answer seemed obvious, but she hadn't spoken of her mother since that night in Paris so long ago.

"Every day," Jenny smiled sadly, "there are so many moments I have wished she could be here for."

Gibbs leaned down and put his arm around her. "I know honey."

Jenny's eyes came back to meet his. "But you know what that feels like, don't you Jethro?" she asked. "How old were you?"

He sighed. "Seven." And the memory of black clothes all around him, the dull thud of dirt on a closed coffin, still haunted his heart some days.

There was really nothing else to say. They both understood the loss of one so dear. And words would just cheapen the moment.

Jenny went back to the box. Inside were several of Olivia's gardening books, an old scarf she'd never finished knitting and two old journals Jenny had forgotten about. Those would be such a treasure, her mother's thoughts. It had been so long since she'd been able to remember Olivia's voice. Maybe in those pages she would be able to hear it again.

When the closet was free of boxes, Gibbs joined his wife on the floor to look through what the boxes contained.

"Who's Garret Reese Jenny?" he asked several minutes later.

Jenny turned sharply. "Garret Reese?"

"Yes. Apparently you thought he was, and I quote, 'totally cute'."

"Jethro!" she cried, grabbing the hardcovered, pink flowered book away from him. "That's my journal!"

He grinned at her. "Keeping secrets from me Jen?"

She checked the date on the entry. "Good grief Jethro, I was thirteen years old!" She laughed. "I'm pretty sure you don't have to worry about any competition from him."

Gibbs pulled out a handful of old drawings. "You never told me you could draw."

Jenny glanced at the sketches, mostly horses and houses. "High school art class does not require a great amount of talent Jethro."

"These are really good Jen," he insisted.

"If you say so."

Gibbs pushed the box over to her. "This is all yours Jenny, old school stuff etc."

"Well, these five are all old clothes, mostly Mother's. They can go to goodwill."

"Do you want to keep anything?" Gibbs asked.

Jenny appreciated his thoughtfulness. "I have what I need. That old gray wrap I like to wear when I'm reading in bed?" He nodded. "That was hers. It was in my room the day everything got packed away. A few of the fancy scarves I wear are hers too. I found them in one of her drawers when I was looking for something to play dress up with one time. I never did give them back."

They moved those boxes closer to the door and Gibbs gestured to the ones holding Jenny's and her mother's personal things.

"What about these?" he asked.

Jenny's expression softened. "Let's put them back for now."

The other boxes that lay scattered in the foyer held everything from old shoes to baby clothes to some of Jenny's things from college, and other miscellaneous items. Jenny shook her head.

"I don't know why I'm keeping half this stuff. I didn't even know it was here."

Gibbs glanced at her. "Have you seen my basement lately Jen? Some things never get gone through."

After some discussion, the more personal stuff went back in the closet and all the clothes were added to the growing donation pile. For some reason though, Jenny couldn't bring herself to give up the box of her old baby clothes. Whether it was because her mom had kept them or stemming from a private hope she still harboured, Jenny wasn't sure. But they went back in the closet too.

Finally the couple collapsed on the livingroom sofa, tired from the effort of going through things, and ready just to sit for awhile.

**NCIS**

Abby and McGee were standing in the dog park, watching as Jethro fetched the ball Tim had just thrown.

"Come on Jethro, come here boy, bring me the ball," Abby called.

Jethro ran back to her at full speed, sitting when she pointed to the ground and said the word, willingly surrendering the bright red, slobbery ball to her.

"Good boy Jethro!" she praised him, picking it up and petting him. "Go long boy." She drew her arm back and tossed the ball as far as she could. McGee put his arm around her waist and she snuggled against him.

"It was nice to have everyone there this morning, don't you think Timmy?" Abby asked.

Jethro came galloping back and jumped into Tim's legs. "Hey boy," he smiled, petting his dog before he threw the ball towards the far end of the dog park. McGee took Abby's hand and they followed the excited pooch.

"Never a dull moment, that's for sure," he said after awhile. McGee loved hanging out with the whole gang, but after spending the whole weekend together, all he'd really wanted was a quiet afternoon with the woman he loved.

"Does it feel like more than two weeks to you?" Tim asked as they caught up with Jethro and clipped the leash back onto his collar.

Abby fingered the dog's soft ears and kissed his head. Jethro walked between them, his tongue hanging out contentedly, enjoying the attention. Finally she smiled.

"Definitely. But it makes sense, right? It's taken us four years to get here." She grinned at him. "Not many couples go from lovers to best friends to boyfriend and girlfriend," she giggled. "We totally did this whole together thing in an upside down, backwards, inside out kind of order."

McGee took a moment to absorb her answer. "Would you change it Abby?"

Abby nudged Jethro to Tim's other side so she could walk beside McGee again. She slid her fingers between his. "You know, I don't think so. I mean, yeah, if we'd worked the first time, maybe we'd be married and have a kid by now," she shot him a sideways look to see how he handled that, but his expression only softened a little. That surprised her. The idea of that kind of life still made her a little twitchy. It was a lot of growing up. "But I wasn't ready then. If I was," she kissed Tim's cheek, "I wouldn't have said no."

McGee wrapped his arm around his girlfriend's shoulders. "What do you think it's going to be like?"

"What?" Abby asked, enjoying the warmth of his body so close to hers.

Tim kissed her hair. "Forever. Us together. More than just best friends, more intense than dating. Married with a kid. It's the rest of our lives Abbs."

Abby squeezed his hand and then let go and skipped backwards in front of him and Jethro. "I don't know," she grinned, "why don't you ask me and we can find out?"

McGee's eyes widened and he opened his mouth only to find himself speechless. "How about tomorrow?" he croaked finally, trying to joke.

Abby shook her head, completely serious. "No way McGee. Not like that. When you decide to ask me, you better do it right. Ring, down on one knee, something special - the whole nine yards." She counted the criteria off on her fingers and glared at him. "I'm only going to get engaged once and I want to remember every minute."

"You got it Abbs," McGee smiled weakly, trying to calm his heart. He knew now was too soon but he wanted to ask her so badly.

"But don't worry McGee," Abby reassured her boyfriend, "I'll love you always."

McGee caught her around the waist and kissed her lips. "I love you Abby."

"Good," she smiled, falling into step beside him.

Tim grinned. He couldn't think of one way to make this moment any better.


	101. Chapter 101

While they relaxed on the couch, Jenny snuck her foot over to her husband and wiggled her toes into his stomach. He squirmed and she grinned. When he looked at her though, there was a dangerous gleam in his eyes and she scrambled backwards as he moved towards her.

"No. Jethro..." she admonished, holding her hands out in front of herself. "Stay away from me. I'm warning you..." she stumbled back with a cry as he got closer and then made a mad dash for the kitchen, Gibbs following right behind her.

Jenny ran to get around him in the kitchen, faking Gibbs out at the kitchen table and rushing for the stairs. He caught her leg on the carpeted steps and she fell, shrieking.

"Gotcha!" Gibbs grinned.

But Jenny wasn't about to go down without a fight and she managed to off balance him. It was only for a second but it was all she needed for him to let go.

"No yet!" she cried, taking the remaining stairs two at a time, hoping to keep her lead.

In their bedroom was where he caught her, practically tackling her onto the bed. "You're mine now," he growled into her ear, and began tickling her mercilessly, running his fingers over her ribs, her neck, the arches of her feet. Jenny squirmed and twisted, putting up a violent struggle, but she couldn't best him, especially when she was giggling too hard to get in very many of her own shots. Finally she had to cave.

"Oh, I give up! Mercy!" she yelled breathlessly.

Gibbs relented and the look in her husband's eyes suddenly changed, his gaze burning into hers. Without a word he lowered his mouth and kissed her. Of their own accord, Jenny's hands found his face, cupping his cheeks as they kissed. When they parted, she rolled Gibbs over so she was on top, and leaned down to kiss him again.

Once became twice and then three times and then Jenny lost count. The last kiss carried a bit of urgency with it, but Gibbs suddenly pulled away. Out of breath and trying to quell the response her body wanted, Jenny looked at him quizzically, trying to figure out why he'd stopped.

Maybe he didn't know what his expression looked like when he wanted her, but Jenny could see it in her husband's eyes. She'd seen that look many times, but she'd never experienced him doing everything he could to keep them from getting to the point of wanting to do something about their desire. It was just like what had happened this morning. _All because of a stupid dream_, she thought, frustrated. But Jenny knew she'd put Gibbs through much worse than this because of her dreams. Now she would have to learn to be the patient one.

Although if she was honest with herself, Jenny too was a little concerned about what would happen the next time they tried to be together. The first time was a complete and total disaster resulting in nearly three whole days of a distance the size of the Atlantic between them. Only Kristyn forcing them to talk had brought them back to each other. And the second time, she got sick. There's romance for you, throwing up right before something happens really says 'I want to be with you'. So would the third time be the charm? Or would it just mean another mountain to climb and more complications to overcome?

Gibbs didn't know how to say it, or even what to say. How do you convey to the one you love the most that you are afraid of hurting her with the intensity of your love? That wasn't exactly it though. His kisses and touches weren't hurting Jenny, but what they led to could. He couldn't stop seeing that concrete bunker and Jenny lying tied to a bed, unable to even struggle as the man attacked her. How could she even want to be that close to him again, Gibbs wondered.

They just sat there, staring at each other, trying to figure out the answers to all of the questions without using any words. Finally Jenny came closer and pressed her lips against his one more time. It was just a short, soft kiss and Gibbs was glad. Any more would've been too much. Then she laid her head down on his chest so she could listen to the beat of his heart. Since he couldn't do anything more, Gibbs just sat there and held her tight, wishing he could talk to her, wishing he could forget, but mostly just wishing that everything about their lives could get back to normal.

**NCIS**

"You do not need me to slow down, do you Tony?" Ziva asked smugly as her partner started to puff and fall a few steps behind at the beginning of their fourth mile.

"No...no," Tony insisted, taking a breath between each word. "Keep...going. I'm...good."

"If you say so," Ziva grinned, putting on a little burst of speed just because she could.

Tony groaned, wondering if this whole idea had been one great big mistake. He still wasn't sure why he'd offered to join her. He didn't run as much as she did, plague damaged lungs meant he had to be slightly more careful with cardio than the average cop. But after lunch, he hadn't been ready for the afternoon to end yet, and that was all he could think of.

Ziva could hear Tony's laboured breathing and took pity on him, slowing her normal pace to come close to matching his strides. As they pounded out a steady rhythm along Ziva's favourite weekend path, she thought about last evening. They key she'd given Tony just for yesterday had mysteriously not been returned like she'd demanded as the condition to lending it to him. And yet, when she'd remembered that after everyone left, Ziva only felt mild annoyance, as opposed to the acute anger she thought she should feel.

It was a strange quandary and Ziva wasn't entirely sure what to do about it. On one hand, it probably was a good idea for someone to have an extra key in case of emergency, and the man was her partner. On the other hand, it was Tony. So far, Ziva had managed to talk herself out of saying anything to him about the key. And though she wasn't sure exactly why, Tony had refrained from cracking any comments about them falling asleep together on his couch at their movie night last week. So Ziva decided to keep quiet for now to see if she could discover why Tony kept her key without permission and without teasing her with that fact.

Finally they came to the end of her route and Ziva drank half her water bottle as she stretched and cooled down. Tony came in moments after and nearly collapsed on the ground as soon as he stopped. But not before he grabbed and guzzled the last of her water.

"Tony!" Ziva yelled. "Get your own!"

"Forgot mine," he responded cheerfully, as soon as he could breathe. He shrugged. "I've got bad lungs. So sue me."

"You are so immature!" she fumed.

Tony leaned casually against a tree trunk and crossed his arms. "It's been three years Zee-vah," he informed her. "This shouldn't surprise you anymore." She glared at him. "Hey, just because you never have any fun..."

Ziva's eyebrows shot up. "I never have any fun?" she spit out. "What do you know about my life Tony?"

"Your hobbies include knife throwing, showing off ninja skills, and murder by innocuous objects," he began in his best game show host voice before a pebble hit him in the side of the head. "Ow," he winced, "what was that for?"

Ziva suddenly appeared within inches of his face. "You know nothing!" she retorted, not sure why she was letting him get to her so much. Turning on her heel, she stalked away.

Tony watched her for a minute. "Okay," he yelled after his partner, "well, that was fun. See you tomorrow!"

Ziva's words didn't quite reach his ears, but Tony figured he probably didn't want to know. He grinned and headed back towards his car. She was so easy to bug! The Israeli woman probably wouldn't speak to him tomorrow, but he liked when she was annoyed. It only made her that much more unattainable, and Tony had always loved a challenge.

**NCIS**

Sometime later, Gibbs and Jenny were still sitting on the bed, Jenny resting against her husband's chest, Gibbs rubbing her back gently because he didn't trust his hands anywhere else. Finally he leaned down and kissed her hair.

"Hey Jen?" he asked, trying to act like having her that close wasn't affecting him.

"Mmm?" Jenny was feeling entirely too relaxed to form an actual word.

"Would you mind very much if I went over to my place for a couple hours to work on the boat?"

Jenny knew he was asking because he probably didn't want company tagging along. She used her fingers to draw circles on his shirt.

"No, I guess not," she said at last. "Go. I've got some stuff I need to catch up on."

"Oh yeah?" Gibbs asked, wondering if she was making up an excuse so he wouldn't feel bad about leaving her. "Like what?"

Jenny sighed. "My journal. I missed yesterday because of...well, everything that was going on. To be honest I didn't even think about it. I'm supposed to write in it every day. And Kristyn's going to be checking up on me at our session Tuesday."

Gibbs could feel her body getting tense. "You sure you want to be alone for that?"

Jenny looked up and put her hand on his cheek. "I need to be," she said softly.

Gibbs hugged her. "Okay. But if the memories get too much, call me. Promise?"

Jenny nodded, "I promise." Then she turned and looked deeply into his eyes. "What do you see?" Jenny asked her husband, knowing he could read her like no one else could.

He searched her eyes and gave her a small smile. "That you want me to kiss you."

When he didn't move, Jenny had to chuckle. "Are you going to?"

This hesitancy was an indication of his state of mind. Normally she barely even had to hint, unless he was being difficult. She'd never had to beg for her husband to touch her before.

Gibbs' answer was to lower his mouth to hers. It was a long, slow kiss, with no pressure for anything more behind it, but they still held on until they had to finally let go and breathe. Jenny laughed at his expression and sat up away from him.

"Looks like you better go. Otherwise you might never get out of here."

Gibbs shook his finger at her. "It's not nice to tease Jen."

She shrugged. "Can't help it. You're easy."

He gave her a sharp look, then rolled his eyes and got off the bed. "Fine, I'm going." Gibbs looked at her pointedly. "Be good."

She shot him her best wide eyed innocent look. "Since when did I become Abby?"

Gibbs grinned. "Just making sure."

"Goodbye Jethro," she said firmly, as he laughed and headed downstairs.

Jenny sat at the top of the stairs and watched him leave. Then she found the blue journal and a pen and got comfortable at the kitchen table while she waited for the kettle to boil. This was a task that required tea.

**NCIS**

Gibbs sighed in relief when he descended the stairs to his basement less than twenty minutes after leaving Jenny. His poor boat was getting neglected lately and every time he'd come since the kidnapping had only been as a means of preserving his sanity.

Today was the same. It had been great, spending the afternoon with his wife, everything was so normal, almost natural between them. But when he caught her in their room and started tickling her...he'd had a hard time restraining himself to just kissing. It wasn't like he could have her even though he wanted her anyways, intimacy of that sort was still a yellow light for them.

The dream he'd had Saturday night still wouldn't let go and Gibbs was scared to death of hurting Jenny again. He'd always thought he'd be able to protect her, what happened three weeks ago proved he couldn't. But Gibbs never thought he'd have to protect his wife from himself, that his desire for her would become a burden.

Gibb sighed and picked up a new board. This was his therapy and he had a lot of work to do before he'd be okay to go back home to his wife.


	102. Chapter 102

_**Oct 6**__ - How strange to be home! Has it really only be two days? In 40 hours my life was drastically changed, I am not the same. I am hurt, I am afraid, and everything reminds me of what he did. I cannot be normal with my husband. I have never known that much relief, when he found me in the basement tonight, all I wanted was to be in his arms._

_But the same hands that make me feel safe, are also the same hands that scare me, because they are man's hands and a man's hands also left my body bruised and broken. I wonder if I will ever feel clean again, if I will ever love the same again, if anything will ever be the same._

The tea cup in Jenny's hand wobbled a bit as she remembered her first night back after the kidnapping. How gentle and caring Gibbs had been, how he tried so hard to help even when nothing could. She had felt so lost, so alone in her pain, and all the comfort she wanted from her husband had been what she feared the most, the reason why she cried. Jenny closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to calm her mind. She had to continue this. She had to keep telling the story. But this time it was a different day, a separate memory.

_**Oct 10**__ - I kissed my husband this morning, he thought it was a dream. I felt like it was one. Except even a kiss wasn't normal. I couldn't close my eyes, scared that it wouldn't be Jethro's face I would see in my mind. He sent me flowers. Silly man. They must've cost a fortune, but he had a message to send, a reinforcement of all that I know and everything he's been telling me: that he loves me no matter what._

_But they're more than just flowers. Jethro remembered one tiny thing I told him seven years ago about my mother, and he used it to speak to me during a time when words don't mean that much. He's learning a new language for me, and I think I will owe him more than just a thank you when I get to work today._

It was easier for Jenny to write as if she was still on the days she was talking about, then talking in past tense from weeks later. She thought about the first flowers and all the ones that followed those. Jenny missed getting those messages, except for yesterday the flowers had dropped off this last week, with so many misunderstandings and so much else going on. But maybe it was her turn to be giving gifts.

Jenny pushed the journal aside, having completed her mandatory entries, one for Saturday and one for today, and headed for her study, a place that got much less use these days than it used to. Opening a drawer in the desk, she found what she wanted and smiled. She was looking forward to surprising her husband for a change.

**NCIS**

Hours later, Gibbs finally set down the wooden mallet and wiped away the sweat and sawdust coating his face and neck. He surveyed the hull of the boat, pleased with his progress. But really, it wasn't how fast the boat got done. He would gladly spend the rest of his life working and shaping the wood of this boat he was building for his wife. It was what working on the boat did for him - comforting and soothing, providing a safe and constructive outlet for his emotions.

Tonight, after a couple of hours of pushing his muscles and bending the wood to his will, Gibbs was finding it easier to breathe, easier to think with a clearer head. He knew he couldn't let the dream come between him and Jenny. Especially not after they'd worked so hard to fight her demons this last month. Whatever he'd seen, it had still been only a dream. He couldn't get stuck on what had happened to Jenny just as she was beginning to be able to move past it.

A glance at his watch showed it was nearly 7 pm. Time to get back to his wife. Either house could be home now, as long as Jenny was there. She was where his heart had finally found a home again and Gibbs meant that to last as long as they both breathed. He smiled slowly. Maybe there was still time to make a stop on the way home. If he couldn't tell Jenny exactly what was going on, he knew another way.

**NCIS**

Jenny smiled to herself as she folded the envelope flap in. Her husband would get a surprise tomorrow the first time he put his hand in his coat pocket. At the bottom of the stairs she checked the time - almost 6:30 pm and Gibbs wasn't home yet. She didn't begrudge the time he spent in his basement, sometimes she was there with him. But today he'd needed the release, and as it seemed being to close to her was causing some of his stress, it was better that she stayed here.

Putting her hand on the bannister, Jenny headed upstairs. She felt like remembering right now. In the spare bedroom, she opened the closet and glanced at the labeled boxes on the top shelf, wondering where she'd put the pictures. At last she found the old shoe box and the new album right beside it and pulled them both down.

She settled on the floor with her back against the bed. Inside the box were many old photos, going back to her first day on Gibbs' team, when someone had insisted on a group shot. Jenny's eyes widened. How young she looked! Determined to prove herself and dedicated to becoming a great agent, she'd put Gibbs through a lot that first year, questioning everything and receiving her fair share of headslaps as she'd learned all the rules the hard way. Jenny winced, rubbing the back of her head in memory.

Then she was promoted and she and Gibbs became partners. Later their undercover op in Paris that brought their relationship to an entirely different level. Jenny loved all the shots Dekker had taken of her and Gibbs, laughing and in love as they walked the streets of Paris, keeping their cover as a married couple on an extended holiday in Europe. So many times she lay in Gibbs' arms at night after their surveillance shift was over, pretending this wasn't a mission but real life and that they were actually the husband and wife they pretended to be.

At the bottom of the pile were a few photos from their time in Serbia, Positano, and the former Czech Republic. She grimaced, remembering how both she and Jethro had been shot within a few months of each other - him in the shoulder and her in the thigh.

Jenny put her hand over the spot. She'd known that Gibbs loved her then, she'd never seen fear in his eyes until he'd appeared beside her, his hands putting pressure on the wound while she groaned in pain. The guy who'd put the bullet in her died with three rounds from Jethro's gun in his heart seconds later.

There was nothing after that. They'd accepted separate missions, their connection effectively severed by the letter Jenny had written. Gibbs was rotated back to the States as team leader of Major Crime Response, while Jenny was assigned to Mossad, working anti-terror ops with Ziva for the next several years.

Jenny tried not to feel regret about their relationship again, and all the time that had been wasted. She looked at the next stack of photos, and found the first picture of her and Jethro after six years apart. It looked like something Abby might've snapped, she was always looking for candid pictures of the team to add to her scrapbook. The two of them were standing on the catwalk outside of MTAC, arguing about the investigation into Ari.

A few formal ones of them at different functions, she in a fancy dress and Gibbs forced to dress up because he was her security detail. Jenny always made sure he was assigned, wanting to know if he still had feelings for her and if he'd do anything about them. Though the way he kept brining up the past they had left little room for doubt.

The saddest picture in the pile was one of the team the night Gibbs had quick his job, and said goodbye to everyone but her. Jenny squinted. She must've gotten it off a security camera. It was fuzzy and gray, but she could see the grief in each of their faces as the man they all loved abandoned them in his own pain.

Four months, five, and then suddenly pictures of them smiling, laughing, and loving again. Holding hands as they walked, dodging each other's shots one day when they had a snowball fight, sharing a picnic at the park, a lazy night on the couch. Jenny loved those pictures, she'd been truly happy for the first time in years.

And finally the album. The first several pictures were from their wedding day, joy radiating from them - even Gibbs was smiling - as they made their commitment to each other. Ducky had been their unofficial photographer, the only reason they had any way to remember their wedding. Flipping slowly through the pages, Jenny looked back at the seven months of their marriage, not noticing as the clock slipped past another hour.

**NCIS**

Gibbs got home shortly after 7 pm, holding a slender, wrapped package. He let himself in and reset the alarm. Finding the main floor deserted, he took the stairs two at time, calling his wife's name.

"Jen?"

Jenny looked up, brought out of her memories. "Upstairs," she answered automatically, and seconds later her husband appeared in the doorway.

"Hi," she smiled.

"Hi yourself." He came in and sat down beside her, eyeing the box of old photos and the album of new ones. "Reminiscing?"

She nodded. "I just felt like remembering tonight."

Gibbs took her hand. "Good ones I hope."

Jenny looked at him carefully and nodded slowly. "Almost every one." She suddenly noticed what he was holding. "Presents Jethro?" she asked, her eyes brightening.

Gibbs held the package possessively to his chest. "How do you know this isn't for me?"

Jenny arched one slim eyebrow. "Do you like flowers Jethro?"

He tipped his head to the side and shrugged. "I don't know. No one's ever gotten me flowers before." He sighed, feigning disappointment before handing the package to her. "But you're right, I did get this for you."

Jenny unwrapped the florist paper to reveal a single red carnation. "Thank you Jethro, that was very thoughtful of you." She stared at it for a moment. "Admiration?"

Gibbs put his arm around her, drawing her into his side. "Just one of the many things I feel for you Jenny."

They sat still like that for several minutes before Gibbs reached for the album, turning pages slowly. The pictures told a story, it was the story of them. There was Jenny, concentrating hard as she sat in her office, and in another one, confidence in her movements while they worked on his boat together. Dinner at a fancy restaurant, the first time he'd gone as her security detail after their marriage, not being able to take his eyes off his wife and the dress she'd worn just for him.

A summer picture of her in the garden out back, wearing a pretty sun dress, her hair blowing in the wind as she bent down to smell the roses. He loved that one. The next one puzzled him. Gibbs and Jenny, standing in the foyer of her house, in the middle of a kiss. But they were too busy with each other to have bothered with a picture.

He tapped the photo. "Who took that one Jen?"

Jenny giggled. "Noemi. She was in the kitchen. When she came out and saw us, she grabbed the camera and took a picture, saying we needed memories of those moments too." She frowned. "That one's recent, only about a month ago."

She fell silent, realizing it was a week before everything had happened. That was what they had to go back to. She looked up at Gibbs. "We don't have any from this month."

Jenny had been trying to take a few pictures each month, so they could remember the special moments, or the normal moments, from every stage of their life together.

Gibbs shrugged. "How about right now?"

Jenny smiled and leaned over to the bedside table where they kept the camera. She leaned close to him and held the camera out in front of them.

"1, 2, 3," she counted, and the flash went off. Jenny checked the picture and nodded. "Good. But that's only one. We need more and there's only four days of the month left."

"Keep the camera with you then Jen," Gibbs advised, "you never know when it might come in handy." Jenny wondered if that was a promise. Gibbs stood up and offered his hands. "Ready for that supper now?"

She pushed the album away and took his hands. "Okay." They headed downstairs to make the meal together.

**NCIS**

"Jen." Gibbs shook her shoulder gently. "Wake up hon."

Jenny stirred, blinking her eyes in confusion. "What?"

He chuckled, reaching for the glasses still on her face. "You fell asleep."

Jenny looked down to see a book still open in her lap and sighed. "Time for bed I guess?"

"Looks that way."

Gibbs flipped the lights off and kept his hand near the small of Jenny's back as they climbed the stairs. They changed separately, in the bedroom and bathroom, and brushed their teeth together in front of the mirror. At last all was ready and they crawled into their own sides of the bed. The two of them lay quietly for awhile, Gibbs' fingers absently brushing over her hand.

When Jenny was convinced he was going to stay silent, she rolled over toward her husband for her good night kiss. Gibbs felt her move and looked over to find Jenny leaning on her elbows, a small smile directed at him. She had his full attention now, so she leaned forward and pressed her lips against his. It was a beat before Gibbs kissed her back and Jenny sighed. She met his troubled eyes.

"I don't know what you're thinking Jethro, but kissing and touching me, holding me, loving me - you're not going to hurt me when you do those things." She brushed her hand down his face. "And wanting to be with me even after what I've been through is not wrong," she added softly, and Gibbs closed his eyes so she wouldn't see that she'd guessed right.

Jenny leaned against his chest for a minute. When she moved closer, she let Gibbs decide when to close the distance between them. He did finally, and she could still feel the hesitancy in his kiss, his touch. She didn't say anything, just let her husband see the love in her eyes before she rolled over and got comfortable.

Gibbs waited and watched until her body was still and her breathing slow and even. Then he put his hand on her back, still wanting, and needing, to touch her. He'd seen the honesty in her eyes tonight and knew she was right. He would try harder to get past the image in his head, to replace it with ones of Jenny laughing with him and loving him, not afraid.

With that new resolve in mind, but knowing it might only last until the next time he saw fear in her eyes at a memory or felt her flinch at his touch after a nightmare, Gibbs slid over the space between them and spooned his wife from behind. It was their comfort position, something used when one of them was sad or hurting. Tonight it was both of them that needed it.

Gibbs put his arm gently around Jenny's waist, not wanting to disturb her. He was almost asleep when he felt her hand cover his and he stifled a grin. That little minx! She'd always been able to pretend to be asleep better than anyone he'd met. Gibbs kissed her shoulder and snuggled his head closer to hers.

Jenny smiled the other direction, glad he'd finally given in. She loved the feel of him behind her, the strength of his arm and the safety of his body. That had changed so much in the last three weeks, from fear and dread to love and longing. As she drifted off, Jenny wondered what her husband was thinking, what was really going on in his head every time he touched her? And was he going to tell her, or would he keep it all to himself?

For now all that mattered was that this was exactly how she wanted to fall asleep. They could worry about tomorrow when it came. Jenny closed her eyes and concentrated on the feel of her husband so close. It was her favourite way to be these days.


	103. Chapter 103

_A/N: My sincerest apologies, dear readers, for my lack of updates this week. It seems like the days have just flown by and I have had some trouble getting motivated to write the next few chapters just because they are going to be complicated and involved. But I finally stopped procrastinating today and got a good start on them. Please enjoy. As always, I love every single review I get. A special thanks to __**alix33**__ and __**Silverfox2159**__ who have flooded my inbox with reviews over the last two days as they caught up on my story. You guys are amazing and it absolutely made my day yesterday to read all your lovely reviews. Thanks to everyone who is reading, has read, and is still hanging in there for the end. You are awesome!_

Monday morning Jenny woke up before her husband, and for a moment just lay in bed and listened to the soothing sound of his breathing. Then she turned to him and pressed a light kiss to his cheek before getting up and going into the bathroom. She turned the shower on and tuned the radio to a good station, smiling when the opening notes of her favourite song began to play. She hummed along as she got out of her pjs and stepped beneath the hot water.

In the bedroom, Gibbs smiled when he heard the sound of music. It had been a long time since Jenny had been comfortable enough, or focused on something other than how she didn't like to be naked, to play music while showering. He touched the spot on his cheek that she'd kissed. That was what woke him up, plus he'd felt the change in the mattress when she left their bed.

Gibbs got up then, to answer nature's call. When he was finished, he leaned against the counter, enjoying the sight of his wife dancing in the shower. She was oblivious to his presence, singing along to the song and it was an unveiled moment. Just Jenny with no barriers. He'd missed that. For right now she was happy and carefree and he would give anything to have her stay that way.

The phone rang and Gibbs' hand automatically went to his hip before he realized his phone was sitting on the dresser in their room. Taking long strides through the door and across the floor, Gibbs grabbed the phone on the third ring and snapped it open, rubbing his eyes. When he got a call at 0610, it was never a good thing.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"Uh Boss? It's McGee."

"Yeah, I can hear that. What?"

"We got a case."

Gibbs was already reaching for his shirt, grabbing pants off the hanger, looking for where he'd kicked his shoes off last night.

"Gonna tell me about it McGee?" he asked when the agent paused.

"Oh, right. Umm...call came in to dispatch from Metro. Twin daughters of a Navy Lieutenant disappeared from their bedroom around 0530 this morning. Possible kidnapping." He recited all the information quickly from the sheet he held.

"Ya think McGee?" Gibbs grunted as he finished getting dressed. "Alright, wake everyone else up. Tony and Ziva, Abby - unless she's right there."

McGee blushed at the insinuation. "Uh, no Boss. I mean, I'll get everyone up."

Gibbs hung up, reaching for his jacket. He tapped on the closed bathroom door. "Jen?"

His wife answered the door in a towel, her wet hair tousled. She looked gorgeous like that, but he didn't even have time to appreciate it.

"Call came in, gotta go."

Jenny's forehead wrinkled. "How bad?"

Gibbs sighed. "Kidnapping. Twin girls."

"I'll see you at the office." Jenny's eyes looked pained.

He brushed her cheek. "Love you Jen."

She smiled slightly. "Me too. Bye."

"Bye."

Gibbs rushed down the stairs and gave the heads up to Jenny's security detail that they were in charge of her today. Jenny sped up her getting ready process, wanting to be at the office when the team got back from their crime scene. Kids always hit her husband hard and two little girls...she shuddered, not wanting to think about it. Today was going to be a dark day.

**NCIS**

Abby yawned when the phone rang, reaching out of her coffin and trying to find her cell without opening her eyes. Her fingers closed around the slim object and she opened it and held it to her ear, snuggling down in her covers.

"H'lo?"

McGee had to smile at her sleepy voice. "Morning Beautiful."

"Timmy." Abby yawned again. "Not that I don't love hearing your voice first thing in the morning, but why are you calling me," she squinted at the clock and sounded disappointed, "oh, only fifteen minutes before my alarm goes off?" She really should've gotten more sleep.

"Sorry Abbs," he apologized, "but we're about to regret staying up so late last night. Team got a case and we're gonna need your expertise."

Abby forced herself to wake up. "What is it?"

McGee swallowed. Kid cases were never good for Abby. "Kidnapping," he said softly, "two little girls."

Abby sat up. "I'll be right there."

"Wish I could give you a ride, but the team's meeting at their house. See you later Abby. Love you," Tim said quickly.

Abby still loved the novelty of those words and the freedom to say them. "Love you too Timmy. Find them."

He sighed. "We'll do our best." _And hope it's good enough_.

**NCIS**

Crime scene tape littered the yard. Cop cars with flashing lights were parked at weird angles on the street as uniformed officers took the statements of housecoat clad witnesses and observers. Gibbs arrived first, followed closely by McGee, then Tony and Ziva in her car. There wasn't time for Gibbs to do more than wonder fleetingly why, but judging from the dark looks Ziva was threatening Tony with, probably because he'd been complaining about her driving again, Gibbs guessed it wasn't because they spent the night together.

Gibbs approached the lead officer from DCPD with the others following closely behind him. He flashed his badge.

"Special Agent Gibbs, NCIS." He gestured behind him. "My team."

They all nodded solemnly at one another.

"Officer Blye," the cop introduced himself. "This is Mr. and Mrs. Shorey."

"Trevor," the man with his arm tightly around the shaking woman who stood beside him said. "And my wife, Michelle. Please Agent Gibbs," he tried to keep his composure but his voice broke, "you've got to find our girls."

Gibbs met Trevor's eyes. "We'll find them," he replied, knowing there was no other answer to give the grieving parents. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Michelle sniffed. "I had to get up about twenty after five this morning for a glass of water. I checked on the girls, Jaz and Bri, and they were both sleeping. But when Trevor got up fifteen minutes later," she grasped her husband's hand, "they were gone. We didn't hear anything."

The agents were all taking notes. Ziva looked up. "Jaz and Bri?"

Michelle nodded. "Jasmine and Gabriella. We call them our little princesses." She turned pleading eyes back to Gibbs as tears slipped down her cheeks. "Please Agent Gibbs, they're only eight, you have to bring them home. Please," she begged.

For a moment Gibbs couldn't hear anything else. _They're only eight_. The words echoed in his head and suddenly all he could see was his sweet, eight year old girl, running and laughing as he chased her in the park. "Come get me Daddy!" she giggled. "I'm going to beat you," she called as she raced towards the bench. But instead of catching her like he had that day, scooping her up and putting her on the soft grass, tickling her until she could hardly breathe, Kelly kept running further and further away until she disappeared. He had to stop himself from yelling her name.

Gibbs was jerked back to the present by DiNozzo's tap on his shoulder.

"Boss?" the senior field agent questioned.

Gibbs shook his head to clear it. "DiNozzo, David, take the house. Anything even remotely relevant goes to Abby ASAP. McGee, perimeter. I want you to comb every blade of grass for two hundred feet in all directions. Get me something we can work with."

He turned back to the couple. "Mr. and Mrs. Shorey, I need you to think of anyone who might have wanted to hurt you or your daughters. Did you notice anyone hanging around recently? Were you being followed? Has anyone approached the girls? Any repairs or work being done at the house by outside help?"

Gibbs hated having to ask these questions but it was the only way. "And I need a picture of your daughters. We want to get their faces out to the public. We are going to find them. We'll also set agents up here with you in case you receive a ransom demand."

The parents nodded and Trevor reached into his wallet and pulled out two small pictures. The twins smiled out of the small boxes, one blonde and one brunette. Their hair was in braided pigtails and a french braid, each missing two of their baby teeth. The innocent gaps reminded onlookers of their tender years.

Gibbs took them carefully, his eyes seeing only one little girl with long brown hair and dark blue eyes, a mix of his and Shannon's colours. He coughed, trying to play off the emotions. "Thank you. These will help."

It was a couple of hours before the team made it back to the Navy Yard. Abby was swamped with evidence as everything that looked even a little close to being helpful in the case had been bagged and tagged. McGee squeezed her shoulder gently after putting down one of the boxes, Tony and Ziva bringing in more behind him. He hated to leave her, seeing the devastated look on her face as she surveyed all the girl's stuff - the teddy bears and dolls that had been on their beds, hair brushes for DNA samples, pyjamas similar to those the girls had been wearing when they were taken.

Tony rubbed his eyes. "This is everything Abs. Fiber and hair samples from the girl's room, samples from them and the parents." He looked at her. "We need to know something. So far there are no leads at all."

Abby took a deep breath to focus and nodded. "I'll do my best."

Ziva offered her a small smile. "You always do Abby."

The team rode in silence up to the bullpen, where Gibbs was just walking in from the other direction with a coffee.

"McGee!" he barked. "Whaddaya got?"

McGee eyed his boss nervously as he dropped his backpack beside his desk and reached for the camera. Ten seconds later pictures from the crime scene appeared on the plasma.

"Okay, there were two distinct footprints from the scene Boss, they're with Abby for measuring and details." He opened his mouth to continue, then shrugged. "But that's it. Whoever this guy is, he was careful, probably carried the girls out. Maybe he had an accomplice."

Gibbs glared at him. "Phone records and bank statements McGee. If even one penny is out of the ordinary, I want to know about it. Tony and Ziva, you're on the Lieutenant's colleagues and shipmates. Look for anything even remotely suspicious. We haven't gotten a ransom call yet so right now this could be anything. I've got the wife's friends and places she and the girls have been recently. Maybe somebody saw something."

He looked down at his desk and saw for the first time the folded piece of paper there. Gibbs picked it up. The note was simple, consisting of only five words. _Look up_, it said, _I love you_.

Gibbs raised his eyes towards MTAC and there was Jenny, her green eyes seeing straight into his heart. He nodded once, a small smile all he could manage, and Jenny repeated her declaration in ASL. Gibbs put his fingers in position for the letter 'y' and moved it back and forth between them. _Me too Jen_, he thought, _me too_. He was grateful that she wouldn't let him forget the simple, important stuff, even in a case like this.

Then the moment was over because two little girls were missing and no one was leaving the building, sleeping, eating, or using the head until they had something to work with.

**NCIS**

Jenny watched her husband leave and walked slowly back to her office, glad she had no meetings or phone calls scheduled until later. This case was going to be a difficult one for all of them. Jethro because of Kelly, the team because none of them liked cases involving children. And Jenny...this case was too close to her recent experience. She sat in her chair and stared out the window, hoping those two little girls were okay, knowing they were scared, praying nothing worse would happen to them before they were rescued.

**NCIS**

"It's a size ten boot print Gibbs," Abby was telling him, "like from a steel toed work boot that is worn at a construction site or something. The tread is very unique." She grinned. "These are custom boots. They're only sold at a handful of stores in the DC area."

"Addresses?" Gibbs demanded.

"Do you even have to ask?" Abby said as she pressed a yellow sticky note onto his shoulder. "I think we have our first lead."

"Good work Abby," Gibbs said, leaning forward to kiss her cheek. But she moved away, shaking her head.

"Not yet Gibbs. When I find this creep, then you can tell me 'good work Abs', but not now."

Gibbs' phone rang as the elevator stopped at his floor. "Yeah, Gibbs."

"Hello Agent Gibbs," a smooth voice said in a patronizing tone, "have you solved the case yet?"

Gibbs strode quickly into the bullpen and snapped his fingers at McGee, pointing to his phone. Everyone else froze but McGee got the message and snapped into action, tracing the call.

"We're working on it," Gibbs said slowly, knowing he needed to keep this guy on the phone for at least nineteen seconds so they could pinpoint his location.

"I don't think you are going to find what you're looking for, the Lieutenant and I have never met. But you better hurry Agent Gibbs, time is running out for his little girls."

Gibbs heard the muffled cry of a child before the click of the hang up registered and the line went dead. He slammed his hand down on his desk.

"McGee!"

"Just one second," he said. "There, got it. He's at a warehouse in Wesley Heights." Tim scribbled down the address and Gibbs tore it out of his hands. "It's fifteen minutes away."

Tony and Ziva were just getting off the elevator when McGee and Gibbs walked onto it.

"Let's go," Gibbs said. "We can be there in ten minutes."

The agents braced themselves for a crazier drive than usual with their boss, but Gibbs tossed the keys to Ziva."

"Two little girls Ziva," he said quietly. "Get us there fast."

Ziva met his serious gaze with one of her own and got in the driver's door. Tony didn't even groan. Now wasn't the time.


	104. Chapter 104

The team entered the warehouse stealthily, guns drawn. With a quick hand motion, Gibbs sent Tony and Ziva one way, taking McGee with him. They searched every nook and cranny, every storage closet and empty crate that cluttered the large empty space, but they could find no trace of the girls, and no sign that they'd even been there. The only piece of evidence was a cell phone. McGee picked it up gingerly and checked the call log, holding it up for the others to see.

"NCIS Boss," he announced. "It's probably a brand new phone and the only call he made was to us."

Gibbs slapped his hat against his palm. "He played us. Now we've wasted time and Jasmine and Gabriella are still out there!" He was more than just angry as they headed back to the car.

"I want this guy McGee," Gibbs said when they got back tot he office. "Find him."

There was no need for the junior agent to reply. It was an order, not a question.

Gibbs paced agitatedly for several moments. "I'm going to see Abby," he growled at last.

Tony's eyes followed his boss to the back elevator before he dropped into his chair. "It had to be little girls?" he asked no one in particular.

Ziva looked down at her hands. "Kelly," she said softly.

"Kelly," Tony repeated with a sigh.

"Do you think one of us should tell Jenny?" Ziva asked.

"Oh, I'm quite sure she already knows. But it's a kidnapping case Ziva. So both of them are going to take it badly. Today," he decided, "it not going to be a good day."

Ziva got up and left without a word. Tony watched her go but chose to leave it alone.

"Please tell me you have something McGee."

McGee shook his head and pushed back his chair, frowning at the computer. "I need to go see Abby." He bolted for the back elevator.

"Oh sure," Tony commented to the empty room, "just leave me here. No really, I'm fine. Thanks for asking." Sarcasm dripped from the words and Tony too wished he had somewhere to go to find some way to help.

He looked at the smiling pictures of the twins on the plasma and picked up the phone.

"Yeah, Special Agent Tony DiNozzo of NCIS here. I need an update on a BOLO. No you will not put me on hold!" he said firmly. "Two little girls are missing. I need to know now!"

**NCIS**

"Gibbs!" Abby spun around. "I knew you'd be here."

"Got something for me Abs?" he asked, wishing he had a coffee.

Abby looked down. "Umm...yes and no. I've matched all the prints and fibers in the girl's room to them and their parents and stuff that was already there. Nothing foreign." She shrugged. "Whoever he is, he's good. He managed to kidnap too little girls without waking their parents and not leave so much as a piece of lint behind."

Just then McGee burst into the lab. "Abby, were you able to pull anything else off the phone?"

She shook her head. "Negatory. The whole thing was wiped clean. He even erased the SIM card. We've got nothing to help us there."

"What McGee?" Gibbs asked, feeling left out somehow.

"Boss, the call that came in wasn't through the NCIS switchboard. He had the direct number for your cell phone."

"I don't give that number out McGee," Gibbs told him.

Tim nodded. "I know. Abby, I need you to check our servers, see if they've been hacked. Maybe our kidnapper left behind a virtual fingerprint instead."

Abby grinned at her boyfriend. "That's brilliant McGee!"

He shrugged off her praise. "Only if I'm right. Let's go fishing Abbs."

**NCIS**

"The Director's not in Officer David," Cynthia informed the Israeli.

Ziva thought about that for a moment. "I will wait." She moved to the couch but Cynthia pointed to Jenny's office.

"You can wait for her in there," she said.

Ziva nodded once. "Thank you Cynthia."

The main elevator dinged and Tony was surprised to see Director Shepard come out of it. He sat up quickly.

"Hey Director."

Jenny smiled briefly at him and came into the bullpen, leaving a coffee on her husband's desk.

"How is he Tony?"

The senior field agent hesitated. Caught between his boss and his boss's boss, he caved, as always. Gibbs could headslap him, Jenny could fire him - she won. "Hard to say. You know Gibbs, he doesn't share very well. But he wasn't completely with us at the crime scene this morning."

Jenny closed her eyes for a moment. "Watch him Tony, this one will get to him like nothing else."

Tony nodded. "Yes ma'am."

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"Officer David waiting in your office Director," Cynthia informed her a minute later.

Jenny was surprised. "Alright. Thank you Cynthia."

She walked into her office and closed the door, taking off her coat. Ziva was perched gingerly on one of the chairs and jumped up when she saw Jenny.

"Ziva," Jenny smiled, "this is a surprise. What can I do for you?" It was nice to see her former partner outside of the team once in awhile. They had been friends for years, but casual friends that benefitted from a working relationship. Both wanted to change that, now that NCIS had offered them not just a place to work but people to call family.

Ziva stood quietly for a minute. "I came to see how you are doing Jen," she said after awhile. "This case is very close to your own, is it not?"

_Trust Ziva to pick up on that_. Jenny nodded slowly. "It is Ziva. But I'm..." she stopped short of saying 'fine', not really caring about pretending so much anymore, "...okay," she said.

"Gibbs is not okay," Ziva observed.

"This one will be very difficult for him Ziva. Twenty-five years has not erased the memories of his daughter and they are likely to intrude with force this time. He won't be able to control them."

"What do you know about her?" Ziva asked, curious to better understand the man who was her boss and more.

Jenny sighed. "Not as much as I'd like to. Jethro is...very careful of her and I don't want to bring him more pain by asking. He goes to see her on her birthday and he's quieter than normal at Christmas. Sometimes I catch him in the basement looking at old photos. But he doesn't talk about her much and I'm afraid this case will put her in his thoughts much more than usual."

Ziva asked a question the others wouldn't dare to. "Should you take him off the case?"

The thought had already crossed Jenny's mind, but she shook her head. "I can't Ziva. Jethro wasn't there when Kelly died, he couldn't protect her. These two little girls...finding them is his way of trying to save Kelly. I can't take that away from him."

"But you are worried for him," Ziva said knowingly.

"I am," Jenny agreed. "But I also know he has to do this."

"Should we warn Abby?"

"Abby knows. She and Gibbs are close. And she'll handle this like she does every crisis..."

"With a hug," they finished together and smiled.

"I want him home safe Ziva." Jenny warned. "Don't let him do anything stupid."

As if any of them had any control over what Gibbs did! But Ziva knew it was the concerned wife talking, not the Director of NCIS.

"We will watch him Jenny," she promised and turned to go.

"Ziva?" Jenny called her name and she turned. "Thank you for asking."

Ziva smiled. "We are family, yes?"

Jenny's smile grew. "Yes, we are."

And they were finally starting to act more like it.

**NCIS**

Tony was still alone in the bullpen when Ziva came down.

"Where is everyone?" she asked.

"I don't know," Tony frowned. "McGeek jumped up and declared a need to go see Abby and Gibbs never came back from there, so I can only assume they're all in the lab and we're left out."

"Then let's go in," Ziva suggested and Tony was glad for the excuse to move.

Down in Abby's lab, she and McGee were feverishly scanning the NCIS servers looking for a break in. Gibbs was alternating between glaring at the computer as if that would make it spit out the information faster, and pacing back and forth in front of the plasma screen.

"Gibbs," Abby chided, "my babies do not respond to your Truth By Intimidation tactics. Just be patient."

"Two little girls Abby," was Gibbs' only reply.

"I know Gibbs," Abby said softly, all teasing gone out of her tone. She kept her eyes locked on the computer screen and suddenly her fingers stilled. "McGee," she nudged him, "is that what I think it is?"

McGee checked the numbers and code. "Abby, you found it. Way to go! Boss," he looked up to meet the hard blue eyes, "Abby found something. The personnel account was hacked and your file was targeted."

"Did he kidnap those girls just to get my attention?" Gibbs demanded, not at all liking the implications. But nobody had any answers.

His phone rang and Gibbs looked at McGee.

"On it Boss."

He answered. "Yeah, Gibbs."

"You're getting warmer Agent Gibbs, but I wonder if you will find them in time."

"What kind of sick game are you playing?" Gibbs asked harshly.

"Temper, temper," the calm voice continued. "Anger is not going to help you find the girls."

"And what will?" Gibbs said in a dangerously low voice.

"Oh alright, I'll give you a hint. Go to the girl's favourite place. Maybe you will find something there. But don't dawdle. The clock is ticking."

He hung up and Gibbs stared murderously at the phone for a moment.

"We got him Boss," McGee announced. "The playground on Elm St."

"Tony, Ziva," Gibbs ordered, "bring me back something."

"On it Boss," Tony said as they headed for the stairs. It was quicker than waiting for the elevator and minutes were becoming much more important.

"McGee, with me," Gibbs said. "I want to see what turned up in the Shorey's background check. This dirtbag said he never met the Lieutenant, but odds are he passed him every day in the hallway or on the way to work or when he was walking to lunch. He knows more than he's telling us and we need to know what it is."

When Gibbs saw the coffee on his desk, a SWAK from Jenny's lipstick on the side, he thanked her silently. Taking a long draw of the hot drink, he sat back in his chair, waiting for something that would let him nail this guy.

**NCIS**

It was close to three pm when Tony and Ziva pulled up in front of the deserted park. In half an hour excited children recently released from school would flood this place with noise and laughter. But for now it was just them. Splitting up, they did a quick perimeter search and then snapped on gloves and moved to the interior, checking each structure thoroughly. Ziva was the one to find it, over by the swing set.

"Tony," she called.

He pulled an evidence bag out of his backpack when he saw what she held between two fingers. "Great, another cell phone," he griped. "Can't this guy get more creative?"

Ziva ignored him. "This one came with a message," she returned grimly, "a text."

"'Try the children's library,'" Tony read. "'They like Dr. Seuss best.'"

Ziva frowned. "Who is this doctor and why are we looking for him in a library for children?"

Tony's eyes widened. "You're kidding me, right? Dr. Seuss? Only one of the most famous kids authors ever? His books have been made into movies." He started to list them off, hoping she'd hear something familiar. "_That Cat in the Hat_? _Horton Hears a Who_? _How the Grinch Stole Christmas_?"

Ziva looked at him blankly. "We did not have much time for stories."

"Gosh," Tony complained, "did you even have a childhood?"

She crossed her arms and glared daggers at him. "I do not think so."

Tony suddenly realized what he'd said and who he'd said it to. "Oh, Ziva... I didn't mean..."

She waved her hand. "Forget it. Where is this children's library?"

"Down the street and around the corner, "Tony pointed.

Ziva clenched her teeth and emitted a sound something like a growl. "He is sending us on a wild duck chase!" she complained as they started walking.

"Goose, Ziva. A wild goose chase. And maybe he is, but this is our only lead right now."

She glanced at him sideways. "Walk faster," she grumbled.


	105. Chapter 105

_A/N: Sorry about only one chapter. I kind of got stuck at the end, not sure how to start the next one. Don't worry, by Monday I should have it all figured out and will be able to post more than just one chapter. Have a great weekend everyone and thanks for the continued reviews!_

"McGee, update on the BOLO."

McGee sighed. "Already checked Boss. Lots of hits but nothing that's going to help us. Just maybe sightings and possibles, nothing definite.

"Run 'em down McGee. I don't care how slim the info is, nothing gets overlooked."

"Yes Boss," McGee agreed, hoping Tony and Ziva were having better luck.

Gibbs watched him for a minute then decided to go see Jenny. He thought about watching her in the shower this morning and how nice that image had been. It was the only spot of lightness in his otherwise awful day so far, and he just wanted to hold onto that memory. Gibbs needed to take his mind off the case, if only for a moment. His wife was the best distraction he could think of.

Jenny was just coming out of MTAC and saw Gibbs heading into her office. With a quiet word to Cynthia to hold all her calls, she entered the room and locked the door. Her husband sat slumped on the couch, eyes closed, his head resting wearily in one hand. She sank down beside him and reached out to touch his shoulder gently.

"Any news Jethro?"

He shook his head slowly. "All we've got are cryptic phone calls and a scavenger hunt he's currently sending Tony and Ziva on."

Jenny sat silently for a moment, then moved her hand to the back of Gibbs' neck, her fingers playing over his hair. "Are you alright Jethro?"

Gibbs met her eyes. "No Jen, I'm not. But I will be, as soon as we find Jasmine and Gabriella and the dirtbag that took them."

"Have you been thinking about Kelly today?"

Gibbs wished she wouldn't ask. He took her hand, rubbing his thumb over her rings. "Every time I look at the girls, I see her," he admitted.

She hugged him then, holding Gibbs tightly. He put his arms around her, keeping Jenny close. He'd really needed this, a quiet moment away with her, a moment with the woman who knew him best and carefully held his heart, hurts and all. Finally they drew apart. Jenny pressed her lips to his cheek, brushing her hand over the spot lightly afterwards, as if trying to rub it in.

"I love you Jethro," she said softly.

Gibbs kissed her hand. "I know Jen. Thank you."

She gave him a half-hearted smile as he rose to go. "Anytime. See you Jethro."

He paused in the doorway, needing her to read in his eyes, his face, everything he didn't have the energy to say right now. "Later Jen."

Jenny sat there after he'd gone, hugging her arms around herself, already missing him. Today was so far away.

**NCIS**

Tony and Ziva entered the children's library quietly, two federal agents looking very out of place in the colourful room full of child sized bookshelves no higher than Tony's waist, small tables and bright chairs, with pictures of animals and smiling children everywhere. The whole building looked open and inviting, a good place to spend some time. But that was not why they were here.

Scanning the room, they noted that each letter of the alphabet was clearly visible and Tony headed straight for the back, aiming at the section between R and T. They both skimmed the shelves, finding Dr. Seuss had his own section. A large brown teddy bear sat in a plastic, red, child sized chair, observing them quietly. Tony ran his finger over the spines of the books from one end, while Ziva started at the other. Tucked in the front of a hardcover copy of _Green Eggs and Ham _so only the corner was showing, was a small white envelope.

Tony slipped on one latex glove before touching it, and even then he held it only by the corners, careful not to smudge any prints that might be on it. Ziva already had both her gloves on and used the tip of her knife to slit the top of the envelope open. A lined, three by five cue card was the only thing inside. Two typed lines were glued onto the card.

_Jasmine and Gabriella really miss their teddy bears, _it said_. Perhaps you could retrieve them from Miss Scuito's lab. They will look sweet in the caskets, don't you think Agent Gibbs? Or maybe there will be nothing left of them to bury. Tick tock_.

Ziva's eyes widened and she exchanged startled glances with Tony. "I do not think he is playing a game anymore."

Tony focused on the words. "He mentioned Abby. Better call Gibbs. I don't like this."

They slipped the card into a clear plastic evidence bag and strode quickly to the front. At the check-out desk, Tony flipped open his badge.

"Special Agent Tony DiNozzo with NCIS. This is Officer David. We're investigating a kidnapping. Do you have any security cameras in the building?"

After a brief, shocked moment, the matronly woman behind the counter nodded slowly. "Several, inside and out. It's the law you see. And with all those pedophiles running around, we want to make sure our kids are safe."

"We're going to need to see those," Tony informed her gravely.

"Of course. The cameras record directly onto DVDs. I'll make you a copy."

Tony looked at his watch impatiently. "Please hurry. Go back about a week, just to be safe."

Less than ten minutes later Mrs. Robinson handed them several separate DVD cases, each carefully labeled with the date and location the camera focused on. This lady was good. Then she held out another one in a different coloured case.

"This one's from the bear."

"The...bear?" Ziva asked, not understanding.

"Yes," Mrs. Robinson nodded. "Didn't you see Paddington watching you when you were at the back?" She smiled indulgently. "That's what all the kids call him. Only we know he's no ordinary bear."

Tony flashed her a smile, perhaps their luck was looking up. "Thank you for your help ma'am."

"Anytime young man." Her eyes shadowed. "I hope you find them." At their questioning looks she shrugged. "Jaz and Bri come in almost every day after school with their mom. I saw their pictures on the news this morning. Poor little things."

Ziva looked uncomfortable. "We will do our best."

On their way back to the car, Tony flipped open his cell to call Gibbs. Ziva waited until he answered before she grabbed the keys from Tony's hand so he couldn't protest.

"Yeah Boss. Found a couple messages, got some security tapes for Abby to go through. But I think we're running out of time to find them." He took a breath. "One of the messages mentioned Abby. I don't like how it looks." He nodded. "On our way."

Knowing he was about to regret his next words, Tony looked at his partner. "Get us there fast. But Gibbs says we don't have permission to die in a car crash."

Ziva smirked at him and started the engine.

**NCIS**

"McGee!" Gibbs yelled as soon as he hung up with DiNozzo, snapping the younger agent out of his concentration. "Get down to the lab now! This psycho mentioned Abby's name in one of the notes Tony and Ziva found. You're officially on protection detail with her. She's not to get further away than arms reach or so help me I will headslap you into next week. Do you understand me?"

McGee swallowed. "Yes...yes Boss," he stuttered, and fled to the back elevator.

Gibbs rubbed his face. First two innocent little girls to get his attention, now Abby. Was no one he cared about safe anymore? He suddenly jerked his head up and grabbed the phone to dial a number.

"Special Agent Gregory," came the crisp response.

"Will, Gibbs here. Threat level has just been raised. I want you and Samuels up here with the Director. One in with Cynthia and one stationed on the floor. No one gets to see her unless it's me or SecNav himself. And she doesn't leave that office without an escort. I don't care if she's going to MTAC or Autopsy, you stick with her. No out of the office, consider her on house arrest. Do you copy?"

"Yes sir Agent Gibbs," Agent Gregory said, snapping his fingers at his partner and getting out of the car. "ETA two minutes."

"Anything out of the ordinary, call me," Gibbs added.

"Will do."

Gibbs hung up the phone and tried to breath. Abby and Jenny were both being taken care of, that only left two. He kept an eye on the elevator, willing Tony and Ziva to get here fast. He couldn't live with another failure.

**NCIS**

Several minutes earlier than they should've been there but still not soon enough for Gibbs, Tony and Ziva came rushing out of the elevator, Tony waving what looked like CD cases at him.

"Got a phone, a note, and the security footage from the children's library here Boss." At Gibbs questioning look, Tony shook his head. "Long story. This guy apparently likes dropping breadcrumbs all over creation before getting to the point. But these tapes could get us something. We were just heading down to see Abby."

"Let's go," Gibbs waved them towards the back elevator.

McGee was standing within a foot of Abby as she was working on the computer, and darted a nervous glance at Gibbs when he walked in the room.

Abby turned around. "Gibbs! What's going on? First Tony and Ziva disappear for an hour and then McGee shows up here and won't even give me elbow room to work." She put her hands on her hips. "Is someone going to tell me what's going on?"

"No time Abs," Gibbs said briskly. "Got some security footage here you need to take a look at. Children's library in one of the neighbourhoods."

Tony handed Abby the blue case. "Check this one first Abby, for today. Focus on the Dr. Seuss section next to the big teddy bear. We're looking for a guy with more than a casual interest in _Green Eggs and Ham_."

Ziva frowned at Tony but didn't have time to ask him what he was talking about. Abby quickly downloaded the footage and searched through the time and date stamps until they came to the one they were looking for. All eyes were glued to the screen.

"There!" Ziva pointed to a thin man dressed in a black zip-up and jeans and wearing a baseball cap. He glanced over the Dr. Seuss section before selecting the bright orange coloured book that was one of the most well known stories and slipping a small white envelope inside.

"Dang!" Tony was frustrated. "He must've cased the place beforehand. He never even comes close to looking at the camera."

"Anything you can do Abs?" Gibbs asked, feeling the disappointment keenly.

She shook her head. "Sorry Gibbs. All I've got are some really good shots of the back of his neck. My babies are good but they can't work miracles."

Ziva nudged Tony. "What about the bear camera?"

Tony's face lit up. "Oh yeah! Boss, you're going to love this! The old lady that owns the place has a nanny cam at the back, built into this great big brown teddy bear..." Gibbs stare was boring a hole in Tony's forehead. "But you don't really need to know that. Here," he handed a purple DVD case to Abby. "Meet Paddington."

Abby raised her eyebrows at him but took the DVD and slid it into her computer. Fast forwarding to the same time as the first footage, they looked for the tall lanky man again. From a different vantage point they saw him approach, and after he slipped the envelope in the book, he looked right into the bear's face.

"Got him Gibbs," Abby crowed, "this is more than enough for facial recognition. I'm running him as we speak."

She blew the guy's picture up and put it on the plasma. Gibbs walked slowly forward, focused on the image. He closed his eyes briefly.

"I know him."

They all turned towards him. "You know this creep Gibbs?" Abby asked. "How?"

Gibbs couldn't even move. "Old case. Gotta be at least twelve years ago. I was still on Mike Franks' team. This guy, Sam Rush, was smuggling items on board Navy ships, making contacts with the sailors and selling the items to buyers in ports around the world. We chased him for six months before we finally caught up to him. He never did think he deserved to go to prison for living his piece of the American dream." Gibbs scoffed at the memory, then his eyes hardened and he swung around to face Abby.

"Rush got fifteen years. Find out when he got out." He looked at McGee. "Background McGee. Anything and everything on Sam Rush. I want to know where he is right now."

The fingers of the two tech savvy people in the room started flying over their respective keyboard while Gibbs paced in front of the plasma. It was after four. Who knows how long those little girls had?

Abby was the first to find an answer. "He was released from prison two years ago Gibbs," her voice was grim, "got out early for good behaviour."

"So he's had two years to plan this thing Boss," Tony pointed out, though it was rather obvious.

"Ya think DiNozzo?" Gibbs spat at him. No way Rush was going to win this round. Gibbs wouldn't let him.

"He's got a house on Claymore Avenue Boss," McGee said moments later. "And he owns a small pleasure craft. It's," he checked, "moored at the marina. Spot 256."

Gibbs shook his head. "No. This is too easy. He looked right into the camera. He knew we would find that footage. And he's too smart to get caught in this kind of trap." The team leader stood in place for a moment, indecision making him hesitate. But he had to make the call.

"Okay, gear up. Tony and Ziva, we're going to check that boat. McGee, get me everything you can find on Sam Rush and what he's been doing since he got out of prison. Track down the people on that list the Shorey's gave us this morning. There's something we're missing here. I can feel it in my gut." He turned a hard gaze on the agent. "You leave the lab, make sure Abby goes with you." The warning was severe enough to make Abby pout and McGee turned a shade paler.

The team knew better than to question Gibbs' gut and hurried to follow his instructions. They'd solved a tiny part of the puzzle, but they still had two little girls to find.


	106. Chapter 106

Gibbs, Tony, and Ziva walked swiftly down the wooden dock, scanning the numbers of each berth they passed until finally they found the one they were looking for.

"This is it Boss," Tony informed the group, "256."

All three drew their weapons and took up positions surrounding the front of the boat.

"Not a sound," Gibbs said in a tight whisper and the other two nodded.

Gibbs went first and he was almost through the door when Ziva's order cut the air.

"Stop!"

It was instinct, built into him after years of being a Marine, following orders. He looked to Ziva for an explanation and she had her hand held up, signaling for none of them to move. Scant inches in front of him, she knelt and barely touched the taut wire pulled across the entrance to the boats' cabin.

He drew a shaky breath. "Trip wire."

Tony's eyes widened. "Good catch Ziva."

Ziva ignored both of them and examined the area with hard eyes. "He could have this whole place booby-trapped."

Gibbs stepped over the wire. "Then we go slowly."

"What if there are motion sensors?" she hissed, clearly reluctant to move without confirmation. One wrong move in Israel could mean being blown to pieces by a disguised IED. She'd learned all those lessons the hard way.

"Rush had to walk out of here Ziva," Gibbs said. "Now we're going to walk in."

They swept the first room slowly, where the steering wheel and instrument panel were. A narrow, slanted opening in the floor led below decks to the sleeping quarters, galley, and restroom. Again, Gibbs took point, determined that it was not one of his people that would take the first hit, if one were coming.

The ceiling downstairs was barely high enough for the men to stand comfortably, and the whole room could be taken in at a glance. Ziva began checking the corners and searching cupboards, always careful of possible traps. Tony checked under the bed and the bedside tables. Gibbs went for the storage closet in the middle of the room.

Suddenly he put his finger to his lips. "Shh," he warned the team.

Before even touching the doorknob, Gibbs ran his eyes up and down the length of the wooden door and stilled. "Ziva."

The quiet command brought the Mossad agent to his side. He pointed to the thin black wire wedged under the door. Tony glanced over their shoulders.

"It's rigged to blow?"

Ziva was examining what she could see, following the wire up to where it was tucked into the cupboard next to the closet. She slowly opened the cupboard door to find a timer, wrapped in duct tape and wires, strapped to a bundle of C4, and drew in her breath.

Gibbs eyed her reaction. "Can you disarm it?" he asked.

Ziva already had her knife out, examining the entire contraption with only her eyes until she dared to lay a finger on it. "It could be a motion trigger, move the bomb and it goes off. Or it could be linked to turning the door handle, a pressure point inside the locking mechanism. There is no way to know for sure."

The guys stayed quiet, letting Ziva work. They knew better than to interrupt her concentration. Once she had satisfied herself that touching the explosive would not cause it to go off, Ziva carefully started checking the wires, deliberating between green, blue, and red for what seemed like an eternity.

10:00, 9:59, 9:59, 9:57...the timer counted down, each second moving faster and faster as Ziva worked her magic. She unscrewed one of the connectors and was able to remove part of the face of the bomb, getting a better look at its' innards. The wires criss-crossed over each other into a maze that would make Houdini hesitate in his ability to get out alive. Ziva tapped each wire gently, looking for what they didn't know. Once she made her decision and checked with them silently over her shoulder, to which they nodded, Tony held his breath, preparing to die. Gibbs just stared at Ziva's fingers, willing them to be swift and true.

SNAP! She cut the green wire and the timer died at 8:47. Gibbs reached for the door but Ziva wasn't through yet. "Wait!" She traced the black wire connected to the door back to it's source, double checking before she also cut the black and red wires, leaving only the blue untouched. At last she let out a breath.

"It is disarmed."

Gibbs put his hand on her shoulder. "Good work Ziva."

Then he reached for the closet door, and Tony and Ziva took up positions with their guns. He yanked the door open and they took aim. But there was no need. Jasmine and Gabriella sat curled up at the back of the closet, their tear stained faces looking up at their rescuers. Fear leapt into their eyes as they took in the three armed adults, but weapons were quickly lowered as each hurried to untie the ropes binding their hands and feet together, and slowly pull the duct tape off their mouths.

Gibbs was the first to speak. "Jaz, Bri, I'm Agent Gibbs. This is Tony," he smiled, "and Ziva. We're friends of your mom and dad, and we're here to take you home."

Gibbs and Tony helped the two girls to their feet, but neither would speak, they just stood pressed close together, silent tears running down their cheeks. Gibbs rubbed his hand over his face, wondering brokenly what Rush had done to them to cause this much damage. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see, but not being able to forget the tears Kelly had cried one day, when the school bully pushed her off her bike and stole her favourite baseball cap. She'd sprained her ankle when she fell and had to limp home. When he came out of the garage and saw his little girl in tears, Gibbs had known that whoever caused her pain was going to pay. That's exactly what he was thinking now as he looked down into Jaz and Bri's blue and green eyes.

First things first though, he had to make sure they were okay. "Girls, I don't want you to be afraid but I'm just going to check you quickly to make sure you're okay. You tell me if anything hurts, okay?"

They did little more than nod but Gibbs took it as a positive sign. With practiced gentleness a man only gets after becoming a father, Gibbs ran his hands quickly up and down their thin arms and legs. Bri winced when he hit a bruise on her calf, and he tugged the leg of her pants up to see. Of course, bruises had many different causes, but Gibbs had a feeling this one was caused by a size ten boot and he wanted to strangle the guy who could willingly hurt children. Jaz favoured her shoulder, probably hurt when he was shoving them into vehicles or dragging them on board his ship.

"Nothing serious," Gibbs finally pronounced to Tony and Ziva. He looked down at the girls. "I think it's time to go see your parents, what do you think?"

The girls exchanged glances and nodded, ghosts of smiles beginning to appear on their faces. Gibbs put an arm around each of them and slowly led them out the side door of the boat, one that didn't include crossing the trip wire. Tony and Ziva followed behind, a little unsure of themselves. Tony didn't know what to do or say, kids never liked him no matter how hard he tried. And Ziva hadn't been around children much, and she rarely had the chance to show compassion to them. So they let Gibbs take the lead, just thankful that the girls were safe.

A breeze blew up as they walked down the long dock, and Gibbs could feel the girls shivering. He shrugged out of his black, NCIS windbreaker and without any prompting, Tony did the same and the coats were wrapped around Jaz and Bri's shoulders. About halfway through their walk back to the car, Jasmine looked up at Gibbs.

"Agent Gibbs, are you mad at us?"

Gibbs brow furrowed. "No sweetie, I'm not mad. Why would I be?"

Bri took over. "That man," she swallowed, looking around as fear creased her features, "the one who took me and Jaz, said that you'd be angry at us because we were causing you all this trouble."

"We didn't mean to cause trouble Agent Gibbs," Jaz continued. "We didn't want to go with him, but he said he'd hurt our mom and dad if we didn't come. We just wanted to go home the whole time."

"He was angry," Bri told Gibbs, their thoughts flowing from each other, no longer hindered by fear. "He kept yelling and jerking us around and telling us," she bit her lip, "bad things."

The group arrived at the car and Gibbs saw the twins settled safely in the back seat with Ziva squished in beside them and Tony up front. Gibbs looked in the rearview mirror at the girls. "We're going to find him girls, I promise."

"Yeah," Tony added, feeling kind of left out of this whole exchange, "bad guys don't stand a chance with Agent Gibbs around." He winced, expecting a headslap, but Gibbs refrained, if only so the girls wouldn't have to witness anymore violence this day. It's a good thing they wouldn't be around to see what Gibbs was planning on doing to their kidnapper. Tony knew it wouldn't be pretty.

"DiNozzo," Gibbs barked in a quieter voice than usual, "call headquarters and get a back up team to meet us at the Shorey's residence. We're not taking any more chances." He lowered his voice so the twins wouldn't hear, they were busy trying to engage Ziva in a conversation.

"I like your hair Ziva," Jaz smiled and Ziva was glad to see the expression.

"Thank you Jasmine," Ziva replied, doing what she did best and pretending to be at ease in a situation she did not feel comfortable in. "Yours is very pretty as well. I like your braids."

Gabrielle rolled her eyes. "Jaz always wants braids. Two of them. She can't have just one." She fingered her own french braid and added, "I don't like it in my face."

"I like french braids," Ziva said, glad to have something small in common with the girls, "but they are hard to do, no?"

Bri shrugged. "I don't know. Mom does it for me. It takes a long time." She looked up at the agent. "Does your mom do your hair Ziva?"

Gibbs tuned the conversation out and focused serious eyes on Tony. "I don't think he meant for us to find them alive."

Tony shot a quick glance to the backseat, the expression in his eyes filled with revulsion. "Was he this crazy when you knew him Boss?"

Gibbs shook his head. "I never saw behaviour that would explain this escalation, just to get my attention, but ten years in prison can do strange things to a man Tony. I want you to get ahold of the guards in his cellblock, and any prisoners he was close to. Find out if something happened that would help this make sense."

Tony already had his cell phone out, prepared to call and order McGee around since he was stuck at NCIS with Abby. "On it Boss."

The drive to the Shorey's didn't take very long but Gibbs was relieved to see the back up team had beat them there. He asked everyone to wait in the car for another minute, and gave quiet orders to the team leader that eyes were to be on the house and in it 24/7 until this case was wrapped.

"I don't want those parents to have anything else to worry about John," Gibbs said forcefully.

"I understand," the man replied. "I have three kids of my own Agent Gibbs, we'll keep them safe." Then he turned to deploy his team to strategic areas.

Gibbs walked back to the car and opened the back door. "Okay girls, let's go inside."

Trevor and Michelle were waiting at the window, having been called ahead of time. When Gibbs gave them the all clear, the front door was thrown open and they raced across the yard.

"Jaz! Bri!" Michelle called in delight.

The girls broke away from Gibbs and ran up to their parents with huge smiles plastered on their faces. "Mommy! Daddy!" they yelled and practically leapt into the waiting arms.

Trevor hugged Gabriella close. "Oh baby, I'm so glad to see you. Are you okay?"

Bri nodded against her dad's neck. "I just wanted to come home Daddy."

Trevor couldn't make himself let go of her. "I know honey. That's all Mommy and I wanted too."

Several feet away, Gibbs was trying to block out a picture of him hugging Kelly like that, after a three month deployment, like he would never let her go again. Watching the mother, he was reminded of how Shannon had welcomed Kelly home after her first time at sleep away camp, and he had to fight the tears that threatened. Now was not a time for weakness.

Right beside her husband, Michelle was embracing Jasmine tightly. "Oh Bri, thank God you guys are alright." She couldn't say much more for the tears.

A minute later, the parents reluctantly released the girl they held and switched twins, repeating the same sentiments of joy and relief over and over again. Finally they all stepped into a group hug before pulling away and turning shining eyes on the waiting agents.

Trevor held out his hand to Gibbs. "Agent Gibbs," he said in a choked voice, "thank you for bringing our girls home." He kissed the top of Jasmine's head but couldn't find the words to say more. "Thank you."

Michelle wasn't satisfied with a handshake when she thought these three agents should be awarded medals of honour for saving her daughters. She put her arms tightly around Gibbs' neck. "Thank you," she whispered. "You brought them home."

Tony and Ziva were subjected to the same treatment and both looked very uncomfortable with the praise and hugs. They knew their mission wasn't complete and didn't feel deserving of any congratulations just yet. They had to find the guy who did this first and let Gibbs take care of him.

Gibbs knelt down in front of the girls. "Jaz, Bri," he said, "you guys were very brave today. Thank you."

"Thank you Agent Gibbs," Jaz said, and Bri smiled and nodded.

Gibbs took off his NCIS hat and tugged it down over Jasmine's braids. "That means you're one of us now, an honorary NCIS agent. You guys ever need anything, you give me a call." He put his card in Trevor's hand. "Ziva," he jerked his head towards Gabriella and she willingly surrendered her cap as well.

"It was good to meet you Bri, you too Jasmine," she said softly.

"Bye guys," Tony waved, and the girls returned the motion.

"We'll get their statements in about an hour, when they've had a chance to breathe," Gibbs warned the parents. "I'll let you know when we're sending someone over."

Trevor nodded. "We can't thank you enough Agent Gibbs."

Gibbs watched as the girls started walking towards the house with their mom and nodded. "Seeing their smiles is enough. Take care of them Trevor, you've got some pretty amazing kids there."

The man smiled. "I will." And then he turned to follow his family.

Gibbs watched them for a moment and then headed back to the car where Ziva and Tony were fighting over shotgun.

"You're both in the back!" he said, silencing their argument. The subdued agents sat in the backseat, arms crossed. "Not the time," Gibbs said. "Sam Rush is still out there and I want him. No one sleeps until that guy is sitting in interrogation. Got it?"

Tony and Ziva both nodded solemnly, but their shared glances wondered if, for the final confrontation between Gibbs and Rush, cameras would be optional.


	107. Chapter 107

Gibbs' cell phone rang on the way back to the Naval Yard. He glanced at the caller ID briefly, not surprised that it was coming up on 1830 and Jenny was still at work.

He answered the call. "Hey," he said, his voice heavy and soft, something Jenny didn't pick up on right away.

"Jethro," she began bluntly, "do you want to tell me why Will and Aaron won't let me out of their sight? I'm being smothered by my security detail and I have a feeling you're behind it."

"Jen..." he started, but she wasn't done.

"And why am I grounded to the building? I had a tentative appointment two hours ago but Will firmly suggested that I plan to do it some other time."

"Tentative means it can be rescheduled, right?" Gibbs pointed out.

"Jethro." His name was the only thing she had to say to convey her annoyance.

Gibbs sighed. "Jen, the guy who took those girls is still out there. First a kidnapping to get my attention and then Abby gets a subtle threat?" He shook his head. "No way I was going to let him have a chance at getting to you."

"Oh." In one word he could hear the change in her attitude. "I'm sorry Jethro, I didn't think about that. I guess I can handle the babysitters for awhile then."

"Thank you," he breathed in relief, glad she wasn't going to fight him on this. He was silent for a moment. "How are you doing Jen?" Gibbs felt bad that he hadn't asked before. "With the case and all?"

Jenny took a deep breath. "The girls are safe, your team is tracking the man who did this, you're making sure I'm protected." She tried to smile. "I'm fine Jethro." She paused. "Yes...it brings up a few unwanted memories. But nothing I can't handle"

Gibbs could hear what she didn't say, the strain in her voice, the careful way she worded all her answers. "We're on our way back now. Call if you need me Jen."

"I will. Stay safe Jethro."

"Don't worry Jen." It was a hollow reassurance because he couldn't promise anything and he knew nothing could prevent her from worrying. But it was the best he could do for now.

McGee practically met them at the elevators when they got back. "Hey Boss," he began, "remember that specialty work boot print that Abby identified earlier?"

Gibbs nodded, though the revelation felt like days ago instead of merely hours.

"We were able to trace it to the manufacturer and then to the distributer. It turns out that they were purchased by a man named Craig Dean. And here's the best part," McGee smiled proudly. "He was doing some roof work for the Shorey's last week."

Gibbs' face hardened. "Get him in here!"

McGee stepped aside and gestured in the direction of the hallway. "He's pacing in Interrogation as we speak."

The nod he got from his boss was as good as a gold star to Tim. But the, "Good work Tim," was even better. All three agents and one currently under protective watch forensic scientist jumped up and followed their boss. This would be a show worth watching.

From the viewing room, the four teammates looked on as Gibbs walked in the door. Craig Dean turned around, an impatient look on his face.

"Finally. Will someone please tell me what's going on? I get dragged in here by armed federal agents and wait for an hour just for someone to show up - what do you think I did?"

Gibbs laid down pictures of the girls. "Jasmine and Gabriella Shorey. They look familiar to you?"

Craig stared at the pictures. "Yeah, of course. I did some work on their house last week. Cute kids." He looked up, startled. "Did something happen to them?"

Gibbs slammed his hand on the table and the man across from him jumped. "You tell me. We found your custom work boot prints at the crime scene this morning. You helped Sam Rush kidnap those little girls. Now you're going to tell me where he is."

Craig's eyes widened. "No way man, you got this all wrong. Sam who? I didn't do anything to those girls. What kind of person do you think I am? I remember seeing them in the yard with their parents, it was fun to watch them running around and playing. They look like the kind of family that really love each other, you know?"

The picture of the boot print was on the table next. "Care to explain that one?"

He was silent a minute and finally shrugged. "Look, I know it sounds like something everyone says, but my boots were stolen, about three days ago. I was really ticked off too, they're expensive. I don't know how someone got them out of my locker, I have the only key."

The hardness of Gibbs' stare was enough to make anyone squirm, but the man said nothing more. And Gibbs suddenly remembered how, caught or not, they never could figure out how Rush got his items on board the Navy ships. The man moved like a ghost and left no trace. He closed his eyes as the truth hit him. This man wasn't an accomplice, they were being set up. From the beginning this whole case had been one big game to Rush, no matter the consequences. And they were playing right into his hand.

He shook his head at the window and moved to leave. "You're free to go."

Ziva watched the two men for a brief second before they all hurried out to the bullpen. "That was one of our only leads. Craig is telling the truth. Now what?"

Tony sighed. "Now we go out there and do whatever Gibbs tells us to. It's going to be a long night."

**NCIS**

Gibbs was too agitated to sit. He stormed down the hallway, really wishing he could put their suspect's head on a bull's-eye. He hated being played. Looking towards the upper level, Gibbs sighed and decided to go update his wife/boss on the situation. Jenny met him just before he made it into her outer office.

"Jethro," her expression was relieved, "I just heard that the team got back. The girls are okay?"

He nodded. "Safe at home with happy parents and round the clock security until we end this."

Jenny glanced over her shoulder. Will hadn't followed her out of the office when he saw who was standing there, but from the other end of the hall, Aaron was still keeping a close watch on her. She took her husband's hands.

"Can I do anything?"

Gibbs shook his head, his thumbs caressing her fingers. "This guy is as slippery as an eel Jen. We're not going to have an easy time tracking him down, he had this planned out well before today. But no one goes home until we have him in cuffs." _Or in Autopsy_, he thought grimly. He definitely preferred that option right now.

Jenny looked at her watch. "I was thinking about heading home, it's been a busy day. I've been in MTAC for most of it and on the phone for the rest." She offered him a small smile. "But I can stay, if you'd like."

"No." Gibbs was adamant on that point. "Go home Jen. You'll be safe there. But I want the agents to stay with you. I don't want you alone until I come home."

Jenny thought about protesting but she understood why he was acting like this. The fear of something happening to someone else he loved was rooted deep in his experiences. There was no way she could talk him out of it and right now she didn't even want to. She agreed with a nod of her head.

"Thank you," he whispered, lean forward to kiss her cheek. Then he pulled open the outer office door. "Gregory," he motioned to the agent down the hall, "Samuels."

Both men joined him, standing just to the left of him and Jenny, waiting.

"The Director is going home shortly. Due to the increased threat level, I want one of you in the house and one on perimeter until I get there. Her regular nighttime detail will be across the street as usual in case you need back up." His eyes bored into each of theirs. "Keep her safe."

"Yes sir." What else could they say?

Gibbs looked at his wife and quickly hugged her. "Got a bad guy to catch. See you later Jen."

Jenny's hand briefly cupped his cheek. "I'll be waiting Jethro. I love you."

He pressed a quick kiss to her lips. "I love you too." Then he was down the stairs and back to ordering agents around as they hunted down their suspect.

Jenny watched him for a minute, then turned to the two men standing quietly behind her. "Take me home please," she requested softly, hoping her husband would join her there soon.

**NCIS**

The moment Gibbs' feet entered the bullpen again, McGee and Abby were ordered back down to the lab to recheck all evidence and start from scratch tracking Sam Rush's movements since he got out of jail, but specifically for the last month. Somewhere something would have to break and they would get him before he hurt anyone else.

Tony and Ziva were making phone calls and tapping away at their computers. As partners, they always had each other's backs, but Gibbs still decided to make that part mandatory.

"DiNozzo!"

"Boss?"

"Rush is on the loose and targeting me and those I work with. So until he is found, everyone is using the buddy system." His tone brooked no arguments. "If this guy isn't dead or in custody by dawn, we're going to have to take a break. But no matter what, you and Ziva don't leave each other's line of sight until I say so. I don't care what you're fighting about. Got it? And I want your weapons where you can reach them all night," he added like they didn't know the rules.

Tony and Ziva shared a look and both nodded. "Got it Boss," Tony answered for both of them. This was so unlike Gibbs. He was always cautious about his agents, but rarely to the point of being paranoid about everyone's safety. McGee was sticking to Abby like glue, and now he and Ziva were practically going to be attached at the hip for the foreseeable future. Clearly this case was affecting Gibbs more than most, if he didn't feel like any of them were safe. Tony knew Gibbs was never going to say he was worried, but all this protection stuff was the closest they were going to get to seeing how much he really cared about them.

After issuing the order, Gibbs dropped into his chair, wishing he could collapse on the desk for awhile, but there was too much to do. A minute later, he looked up again.

"You two, go to the prison and get those statements I mentioned earlier. Talk to anyone who might know something. I want you back here in two hours."

Tony gave Ziva a half-grin. "Gear up."

Ziva glared at him and Gibbs wished he was close enough to headslap his senior agent. But that was Tony and some days there just wasn't anything that could be done about him. For that, Gibbs was strangely grateful.

**NCIS**

Just over an hour later down in the lab, Abby had reached the limits of her patience with her protection detail.

"McGee!" she exploded finally, as she was examining the evidence for fingerprints and fibers, "Stop hovering!" She waved her hand towards her office. "Go...play with Bert or something."

"Sorry Abbs," McGee looked apologetic, "I'm not going anywhere, Gibbs' orders. My butts on the line if you're further away than I can reach."

Abby might love this man, but right now he was in her personal space, she was trying to work and he was driving her crazy! "Your butts going to be on the line if you don't give me some space!" Abby muttered darkly at him. Finally she gave up when McGee didn't move. "I'm going to see Gibbs."

"Not without me," McGee insisted, not backing down at the glare she gave him. "Sorry Abby, but you're not Gibbs and that doesn't work."

Abby strode quickly towards the elevator. "When things are back to normal around here McGee.." she threatened, leaving it unfinished until she decided on an appropriate punishment.

Tim just leaned back against the wall of the elevator and watched her. He didn't like Abby's name being mentioned in anything related to a suspect anymore than Gibbs did. His order to not be more than two feet away from his girlfriend at all times was just fine with him. As long as she didn't kill him for the concern later.

**NCIS**

Everyone was gone, busy or just out of line of sight, which left Gibbs with a quiet moment alone in the darkened squadroom. His mind went back to the boat over and over again and it made him sick to think how close they'd come to being too late to save the girls. If they hadn't left when they did, if Ziva hadn't noticed the trip wire, if she hadn't known how to diffuse the bomb or it had taken longer...the girls might not have made it out alive. Rush clearly had intended for that bomb to cause their deaths, not expecting the NCIS agents to put the pieces together so quickly.

The truth that the girls were safe at home with their grateful parents did not wash away all the what ifs that were haunting his mind. Gibbs reached for his wallet, and slid a small, faded photo out of the back. It was Kelly in third grade, her last school picture before he'd fought in Desert Storm. He turned it over slowly and tried to smile. In large, childish letters, she'd printed a simple message. _To Daddy, so you know I miss you when you're not at home. Love, Kelly._ He sighed heavily. Some things in life were deeper than regret.

Abby watched quietly from the other side of the squadroom, not wanting to interrupt his moment until she saw the anguish in his face.

"Oh, Gibbs," she cried softly, walking over and leaning down to hug him tightly. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Gibbs patted the arm around his neck. "S'okay Abby." He could never tell her how much the memory of Kelly haunted him some days. Abby needed to be reassured that nothing affected his love for her. "I was given another 'little girl' to take care of. And I couldn't love her more if she was my own." He looked into her eyes as he said it, wanting her to know it was the truth. She smiled just a little and hugged him again.

No one noticed Jenny, who is watching the scene from the balcony. She'd been planning to go home awhile ago, but as she was packing her things, remembered a few last things that had to be done before she could leave. Jenny smiled, knowing Gibbs and Abby both needed this moment.

Out of necessity, they had become family. Out of love, and perhaps because with Abby, there was no other choice, Gibbs had allowed her to become another daughter to him. Jenny was sure that if his heart had healed at all after Shannon and Kelly had been taken from him, Abby's being there must've been part of it. Just like the rest of the team, they took care of each other. She captured the moment in her memory before turning and following her security detail out.

Gibbs looked around the dark room and frowned. "Where's McGee? I told him..."

"Right here Boss," McGee was quick to pipe up from a desk behind the partition. "I know it's a little more than arms reach, but I figured you didn't really need an audience."

Abby sighed. "I told him he didn't have to follow me around..."

McGee cut her off. "And I told her that you scare me more than she does Boss."

Gibbs had to smile. "Good. Don't forget that McGee." But inside he was thinking,_ that's only going to last until you're married, then your wife's opinion will always have to matter more than mine._

To Abby, he tried to explain. "Humour us for tonight, okay Abs? We just want to keep you safe."

Abby rolled her eyes and sighed. "Fine, but don't make a habit of it."

Gibbs kissed her cheek. "Good girl. Now get back to work."

Abby grinned. "Aye, aye Cap'n." She waved her hand at McGee. "Come on Timmy." He jumped up to follow her and she linked her arm with his. "There's no way this guy is smarter than both of us. Let's find where he slipped up."

McGee leaned over and kissed her temple once he thought Gibbs couldn't see them anymore. "Whatever you say Abbs."

She patted his arm like he'd just given the right answer. "As it should be Tim, as it should be."


	108. Chapter 108

"It's official," Tony said as he dropped his backpack on his desk an hour later, "this guy is seriously wacked. He kinda reminds me of-"

"What have you got DiNozzo?" Gibbs interrupted, in no mood for Tony's movie references, not that he ever was. "We talked to the guards at the prison Gibbs," Ziva reported.

"And the prison psychologist Boss," Tony continued. "Apparently he had concerns about Rush's mental state but no one would take him seriously and Rush managed to convince the parole board he was okay." Tony rolled his eyes at the futility of the prison system.

"According to everyone else we spoke with, Rush was well liked and got along well with everyone, particularly," Ziva paused, glancing at her notes, "Al Stevens, an inmate from another cell block."

"And get this Boss," Tony added, "this Stevens guy was released two weeks ago."

"There's our catalyst," Gibbs said, grabbing at the information. "Track Stevens and maybe he leads us to Rush." He got up and headed for the back elevator. "I'm going to tell Abby and McGee."

Two minutes later he entered the lab to find both Goth and geek working on separate computers.

"Got another lead," Gibbs announced and they looked up. He stared at McGee. "Find Al Stevens, a former prison buddy of Rush's. He may be the accomplice we suspected."

**NCIS**

The next 45 minutes were spent checking everything they could think of from bank records to ATM cameras, to traffic cams and convenience store footage, with Abby reading the lips of anyone who looked interesting and providing commentary because there was no sound. But no matter what they tried it seemed that Sam rush must've passed on some of his invisibility techniques to his friend because they still hadn't tracked him to just one location and as McGee regretfully informed them, Al was also using an untraceable burn phone.

With yet another cup of coffee in hand, Gibbs was again on the elevator between floors, keeping tabs on what all of his agents were working on. Suddenly a thought hit him and it was all Gibbs could do not to throw his coffee in frustration. He'd had the answer they were looking for the whole time! Instead he headslapped himself and flipped open his cell phone.

"This is Agent Gibbs. I need a security guard to meet me in the lab right now. Thank you."

The door slip open and Gibbs entered Abby's lab, anger at himself making his words more clipped than usual.

"McGee!" he yelled as if the younger agent should've seen him and immediately been able to read his mind. "With me."

"Boss?" McGee questioned, his gaze flickering to Abby. "What about...?"

Gibbs glared. "I've got it covered."

An armed security guard appeared in the doorway a moment later. "Agent Gibbs?" he asked.

Gibbs pointed at Abby. "You stay with her. She never gets out of your sight, got me?"

The man stood up a little bit straighter. He knew the agent before him had a reputation in the building and he didn't want to do anything to tick him off.

"Yes sir Agent Gibbs," the guard replied quickly, nearly clicking his heels together in an effort to comply.

Gibbs didn't bother correcting him. Abby looked at him, her eyes troubled.

"Gibbs?" she asked.

He went to her and hugged Abby quickly. "We'll be back Abs, just as soon as we get this dirtbag."

She nodded and McGee pulled her close for a moment.

"Stay safe Timmy," she whispered, a little fear showing.

Aware that Gibbs was watching them and waiting impatiently, Tim nonetheless took a moment extra and kissed Abby softly.

"I'll do my best. I love you Abby."

She smiled and he followed Gibbs out. He'd already punched the button for the elevator when suddenly he remembered something.

"Abby," he called and she came to the doorway. "I need you to grab something for me."

Up in the squadroom Gibbs gave the well known order as he breezed past Tony and Ziva's desks on the way to the front elevator.

"Grab your gear."

Tony looked up in surprise. It had been over an hour and they still had yet to discover anything new.

"Where we going Boss?"

But there was no answer and McGee only shrugged, indicating he didn't know either or else he wasn't telling. Curious and a little concerned about their boss's state of mind, the three agents checked their weapons and ran to the elevator, slipping in just before the doors closed.

**NCIS**

On the way to the address Gibbs had given them, he suddenly turned down a different street and headed in the direction of the Shorey residence. The agents were puzzled but it made sense that he would want to check on the girls. Tony, Ziva and McGee waited as Gibbs pulled up to the house, grabbed a bag from the trunk and headed for the front door.

An agent from the backup team that arrived earlier intercepted Gibbs, hand already on his gun. But recognizing the team leader, he relaxed and stood aside, letting Gibbs knock on the door. He figured the girls would be in bed long ago and didn't want to risk waking them by ringing the bell. Trevor answered the door, confused as to who could be coming by so late. He smiled when he saw Gibbs.

"Agent Gibbs," he opened the door wider, "please come in."

Gibbs held up his hand and shook his head. "Thanks, but there's no need. I just wanted to drop these by." He handed the bag to Trevor, who looked inside.

"The girls' teddies!" he grinned at the agent. "Thank you. These were greatly missed at bedtime tonight. Chell and I will give them back when we got to bed." He shrugged. "The girls wanted to sleep in our bed tonight and there was no way we could refuse them. It'll probably make us all sleep better." Then his forehead wrinkled. "How did you know they'd need their bears?" Most government agents would never think about something as insignificant as children's toys.

Gibbs' eyes softened. "My little girl never went anywhere without her favourite stuffed animal either. He especially had to be present at bedtime, so I understand."

It must've been something in his voice that gave it away. Trevor seemed to know that Gibbs was talking about a child he no longer had. The two fathers shared an understanding gaze and Gibbs turned to go.

"Thank you," Trevor said again, and Gibbs nodded.

"Someone will drop the rest of their things by when this is over. Good night Trevor."

All the way down the walk and back to the car, while his agents watched with new eyes, Gibbs was thinking about Kelly and her favourite, floppy eared stuffed dog. By the time she was eight the thing was ratty and worn from years of being loved. But he was still her best friend next to Maddie. The dog's name was Marnie, coming from the way Kelly had mispronounced Marine when she was three. It had always made he and Shannon laugh when Kelly asked if the "marnies" were coming for dinner.

Gibbs smiled slightly, looking up at the stars he and Kelly used to watch together. "I miss you baby girl," he whispered quietly. "I have never stopped loving you."

The stars twinkled and Gibbs hoped that somewhere, somehow his daughter would hear his words and know how much he loved and missed her.

**NCIS**

2230 found the team in two separate cars parked on two very dark streets near a run down house in a part of town the locals knew better than to visit at night. In the elevator earlier, Gibbs had finally answered his team's anxious queries.

"I know where to find Rush," he'd stated grimly. "Or at least, where to look."

His announcement stunned the team and Gibbs sighed.

"We know Rush is too smart to go back to his house. He knows we'd look there, it's too easy. Twelve years ago it was the same way. But then it hit me that Rush hid out at this abandoned house for a couple weeks last time. We didn't get him then but I remember the house." He shrugged. "It's worth a shot."

So they were on a stakeout, Gibbs and McGee in one car, Tony and Ziva in the other. Ziva held the binoculars to her eyes for the twentieth time in as many minutes, and lowered them to her lap a moment later.

"He is not here. This is a waste of time!" she blurted out a last.

Having been on Gibbs' team longer, Tony was much calmer about the whole affair. "Don't question the gut Ziva. This Rush character could show up anytime."

She frowned at him but refrained from further comments, checking the house again.

In the other car, another half hour slipped by and Gibbs was beginning to wonder how long they'd have to wait. Finally he turned to his agent.

"McGee, I think we could all use some coffee."

McGee thought this request slightly odd but didn't say so. He just got out of the car and kept to the shadows. There was a coffee place three blocks away. He'd be back in time, if anything happened.

Gibbs sighed impatiently and shoved his hands deep into the pockets of his coat, his forehead crinkling when his fingers brushed over something flat. Surprised, he pulled the small envelope out and looked at it, heart dropping as he made out Jenny's handwriting and remembered another letter.

And while Gibbs knew there was nothing for him to worry about, Jenny had promised and even if she hadn't, Gibbs knew she would never do it again, his hands were still shaking as they pulled the paper out of the envelope and unfolded the letter she'd left.

_Dear Jethro,_

As soon as he read the greeting, Gibbs felt as if he could hear Jenny's voice speaking the words to him.

_I wish I had so many more words to say 'thank you' for what you have done for me this month. You have always been there when I needed you, but these past three weeks you have learned so much about how to help me now, when everything is different and everything we know is changed. I love you._

_Thank you Jethro. I don't even want to think about how I would be dealing with this situation on my own, because near or far away, for seven years you have been my strength, and I expect that to continue for the rest of our lives. Just you being right beside me every day has meant more to me and helped more than you will ever know._

_I don't know what will happen tomorrow or what the future looks like. But I will be right here with you as we find our way back. I want you to know that I will always need you, always crave your touch, your warmth, your nearness. You are everything to me Jethro, please remember that._

_Thank you for never giving up. I love you._

_Always and forever,_

_Jenny_

Gibbs folded the letter back up and leaned his head against the headrest, closing his eyes to keep the moisture inside. He knew why Jenny had done that, left a letter in his pocket. She wanted this to be a good memory, to replace the one he had of the other letter left in her coat pocket. He smiled a little. It would be a good memory, Jenny's words when he needed them the most. Now Gibbs wished they'd already caught Rush, because right now all he wanted to do was go home to his wife.

**NCIS**

The end of the case came in a way none of them had expected. Minutes after Gibbs finished reading the letter, Tony and Ziva caught a glimpse of Rush sneaking down a dark alley near the house, maybe trying to get in the back door.

Tony whispered into their microphones. "Got him Boss. Three o'clock, in the alley."

McGee wasn't back from getting coffee yet and Gibbs berated himself for not being better prepared. They'd probably only get one shot at this. Taking his gun from the holster, he clicked off the safety and stealthily made his way to where his agents had seen Rush, ordering Tony and Ziva to remain discretely several steps behind.

He snuck down the alley, keeping to shadows and taking cover behind garbage bins and trash cans, knowing that the others were doing the same. Finding it to be a dead end, Gibbs looked around, something in his gut telling him to run.

"Ah, Agent Gibbs, at last we meet again," a disembodied voice spoke from above him.

Sam Rush was sitting perched on a fire escape ladder seven feet in the air, just above Gibbs' head, dressed in black and casually holding a sleek, looking Beretta with a silencer screwed into the barrel. Gibbs brought his gun up immediately and aimed it at Rush's head, thinking of all the times in the last seventeen hours that he'd dreamed of this moment.

The man chuckled and leapt lightly to the ground, Gibbs following his every move. "Is that any way to treat an old friend?"

Gibbs glared at him. "That word is never going to apply to you and me Rush."

"No, maybe not," Rush said regretfully, before a dangerous gleam took over his eyes, "but it does apply to someone else here tonight. Al," he called down the alley, "will you kindly show yourself to Agent Gibbs?"

As soon as Al Stevens stepped from behind one of the large, industrial garbage bins, Gibbs knew he'd made a tragic error in judgement. He'd been so focused on finding Rush, that he hadn't thought about there being more than one person in the alley. Now he stood in the middle between the two men, keeping his gun trained on one and his eyes on the other, desperately wishing he hadn't walked into their trap.


	109. Chapter 109

Rush advanced on Gibbs from the front, as Al slowly closed the distance between them in the other direction. The kidnapper's face had hardened and he waved the gun menacingly.

"You were never supposed to find those girls alive. You were supposed to find them in little itty-bitty pieces strewn all over the marina and dissolve into a worthless puddle of humanity because you couldn't handle another failure. You should've failed those girls just like you failed Kelly."

Gibbs shuddered at the sound of his daughter's name on the man's lips, and his stance faltered a bit before he pointed the gun back at Rush's forehead.

"But I didn't fail them Sam," he countered. "You failed in your plan. You weren't good enough. We got through your tricks and traps and got the girls home safe."

"No," Rush said, getting even closer, "you have still failed because you walked into this trap." He laughed, the sound grating on Gibbs' nerves. "I knew you would come. I knew you were too much of a hero to let a man who would kidnap two little girls get away. This whole thing was planned just for you. You deserve to die for the years of my life you wasted." He began pacing, his movements getting more agitated the louder his voice got. "You were the one that caught me and sent me to rot for ten miserable years of my life in that dirty hole they call a prison. I wasted a decade in there and I've spent the whole time planning a fitting end for you, the only one who ever caught me."

Listening to the man's rant, Gibbs became aware that he was even more unstable than the team had thought. This obsessive, escalating behaviour was a serious sign and he tried to decide if he could reason with a man that was losing it, and talk his way out of this trap.

Before he could decide though, Gibbs heard Tony's voice carry down the alley. "Boss, duck!"

Gibbs hit the ground at an angle, landing painfully on his right shoulder and rolling sideways to get out of the line of fire. Two of Tony's shots hit Al Steven's in the back and then man crumpled to the ground in a heap. Without a second to think, Gibbs swivelled around and aimed, a bullet landing solidly between Sam Rush's eyes, the gun that had been pointed at Gibbs' heart falling harmlessly to the litter strewn pavement.

Gibbs closed his eyes, thankful that it was over. The nightmare was over.

Tony and Ziva rushed to him and McGee appeared in the alley moments later, having heard the shots on his way back to the car. He'd ditched the coffee and ran at full speed, arriving just in time to miss all the action.

"Boss!" Tony shouted. "Boss, are you okay?"

"Gibbs?" Ziva asked.

McGee just stood with them and nervously peered over their shoulders.

Gibbs glared at the lot of them to show that he was fine, though he held his shoulder while he got to his feet. When he was standing and could look them in the eyes, Gibbs nodded to each of them, and reached out to squeeze Tony's shoulder. "Good work DiNozzo." He started heading back down the alley and looked back over his shoulder. "Thank you."

Tim pulled out his phone to call in the two dead bodies, knowing it was almost the middle of the night and that they'd be waiting for Ducky in Autopsy Tuesday morning. They all followed Gibbs back to the car and before they split up into separate cars again, he looked at them all sternly.

"How close that was?" They nodded. "That doesn't get back to Jenny." He frowned. "I wouldn't be allowed out of the office for a month."

Tony and Ziva grinned, exchanging glances as they tried to picture the stand off between Gibbs and the Director, as the wife part of her that wanted to keep him safe tried to reason with the agent side of him that knew he belonged on the streets chasing down the bad guys. They headed back to their car, while Gibbs handed McGee the keys and settled into the passenger side, trying to ignore the ache in his shoulder. A little bit longer, and he could finally go home.

**NCIS**

Jenny received the phone call she'd been waiting for from the security guard working the front entrance of the NCIS building that night. "Thank you Paul," she smiled. "I'm glad they're back."

She looked over to the doorway of her kitchen, where Will was hovering. "Are you sure I can't get you anything Will? Coffee? Tea? Something eat maybe?"

It wasn't the first time she'd asked but the man still declined. "No thank you Ma'am, I'm fine."

Jenny shook her head. She wasn't used to having her security detail hanging around at her house and she wasn't quite sure what to do with them. The one time she'd opened the door to see how Aaron was doing, both men closed in on her and asked her to please stay inside until her husband got home. Though out of respect, they still referred to him as Agent Gibbs.

After waiting a couple of minutes to give them time to get back to the squadroom, Jenny picked up the phone again and dialed an extension after the familiar number for her agency.

"DiNozzo," came the alert but drained sounding voice.

"Tony, it's Jenny."

"Oh." He sounded unsure. "Umm...Gibbs is right here."

"No," she shook her head. "Thank you, but I need to talk to the team. Can you put me on speaker please?"

"Of course." One didn't argue with the boss's boss. It wouldn't end well. Tony snapped his fingers to get everyone's attention and pushed the button for speaker phone.

"Welcome back," Jenny's voice floated out of the phone's speaker. "Good work today team. You got two little girls home safe to their parents and found the men responsible. Paperwork and reports can wait, believe me. I don't want to see any of you before 1400 tomorrow, understand?"

Tony cleared his throat. "Umm...that's really not necessary Director..." but she didn't let him finish.

"Are you refusing a direct order Agent DiNozzo?" Jenny asked, her voice hard. She didn't mean it, but she knew he was only refusing because he thought he should.

Tony glanced at Gibbs who did nothing to help him, having learned a long time ago when to argue with Jenny and when to let it go. When she was trying to help or to care for people, it was better just to play along.

"No Ma'am," Tony said at last.

"Thank you. Now go home, all of you, and get some rest. You've earned it." She hung up, hoping that whatever loose ends there still were would be wrapped up soon. She wanted to look her husband in the eyes and know that he was alright.

The team collectively turned their gazes to Gibbs, who shrugged, then winced when the movement caused pain. "You heard the Director, go home. Sleep. No one shows up before 1400 or you have to answer to me her. Got it?"

Murmurs of 'yes Boss' came from all corners of the room and Gibbs strode towards the elevator, very ready to go home. It had been a long day. Too many emotions, too many memories. And he just needed to see Jenny.

McGee immediately scooped up his things and headed for the back elevator and Abby's lab. Tony leaned against his desk, feeling the heaviness from everything today suddenly weighing down his shoulders. He crossed his arms and looked over at his partner.

"So..." he began and she met his eyes, "since we're stuck with each other..." Ziva's expression was a question. "You remember, the 'don't get out of each other's line of sight' rule Gibbs put in effect earlier?"

Ziva shook her head. "I do not think it applies anymore Tony. Rush is dead."

"Yes," Tony conceded. "But since Gibbs never technically rescinded the order, and the last thing I want is more trouble with the Bossman than I usually get into, I think we should keep it in place, just for tonight."

Before Ziva had a chance to protest, she saw the...neediness in Tony's eyes, for lack of a better word, and realized that she didn't particularly want to be alone tonight either. "What did you have in mind?" she asked instead.

Tony's grin began to creep back onto his face. "My place? Lots of movies to choose from, a comfy couch, leftover pizza," Ziva wrinkled her nose. "Okay, well, there's take out nearby or I'm sure we can find something else edible in my kitchen. What do you say?"

"I say alright," Ziva replied. "Just give me a few minutes to check something and we will go to your place and wreck."

Tony eyed her confusedly for a moment before he finally got it and chuckled. "Not 'wreck' Ziva, it's crash. We'll go to my place and crash."

She shook her head. "Whatever. Five minutes."

He sat down at his desk. "Take your time." Glad that she was willing, Tony waited.

**NCIS**

McGee entered the lab to find the security guard that Gibbs had left to watch over Abby standing at attention beside the door to her office. He nodded at the man.

"Thanks for staying. You can go now."

The guard waited a beat and then headed back to the security office. McGee set his stuff down and walked into Abby's office. He had to smile. She was laying on her little, plaid, roll out mattress, partially under a desk, using Bert as a pillow.

He squatted beside her. "Abby? Abby? Come on babe, wake up. It's time to go home."

Slowly Abby's eyes fluttered open and she rolled over to look up at him, causing Bert to release one of his signature sounds. She giggled.

"Bert, be polite." Then she turned to McGee. "Did we get him?"

Tim's eyes shadowed but he nodded. "We did. It's over Abby."

She sat up and put her hands on both sides of his face. "What's wrong Tim?"

He tried to look away. "What do you mean?"

She gave him a knowing look. "I mean I know when you're upset and something's wrong. Tell me."

McGee sighed and sat down on the floor next to her. "It's no big deal, really Abby."

Abby took his hand in hers. "Tell me anyways." She knew it'd be better if he got it off his chest.

He rubbed his eyes. "I wasn't there when it happened Abby. Gibbs sent me for coffee. By the time I got back, Tony and he had taken down Rush and Stevens. I was Gibbs' partner tonight, I should've been there watching his back."

"Timmy," Abby said sternly, "we both know that Gibbs and coffee go together like me and Caf-Pow, he has to have it. You were just doing what he asked, that's your job, right?"

"Not to play errand boy," McGee protested.

Abby shook her head. "No, to get the team something they needed to work the case. If Gibbs knew something was going to happen so fast, he never would've sent you away. That's why there's more than just two people on the team. When you couldn't be right there, Tony and Ziva stepped up and took responsibility." She kissed his cheek. "No one, least of all Gibbs, is going to think less of you for what you did or did not do."

McGee still looked unsure, but he appreciated that she was trying to help. Abby stood up, tugging on his hand. "Up. Come on, it's time to go home. I don't sleep so well on the floor, even if Bert does make a pretty good pillow."

He smiled and held her hand tighter. "Come home with me?" he asked.

Abby was surprised. McGee didn't usually offer something like that. "Timmy?" she asked, not sure what he meant.

"I'm still on protection detail, remember? Gibbs didn't say I wasn't still to stick with you, so I'm not risking the headslap I'll get if I don't follow orders."

Even if it was just an excuse, Abby could appreciate him wanting to have someone else around tonight. Kid cases always made the feelings afterwards worse.

"Okay." She grabbed the few things she needed and came back to her place at his side. "I'm ready."

It was a quiet drive home with McGee just holding Abby's hand and caressing the back with his thumb. In silence they got ready for bed and met in McGee's bedroom. Abby knew tonight would be a comfort night, where they shared his bed just to be close to each other, nothing more, but she was okay with that.

For a moment Tim just stood and stared at his girlfriend, then he sighed. "I think I need a hug."

"Oh, Timmy," Abby whispered, drawing her arms around his neck, "it's okay."

McGee clung to Abby, savouring her nearness and needing the love she was showing. When he finally let go, it was only to kiss her once, before they got in bed. Abby curled up facing him, and McGee turned on his side as well, to hold her in an embrace as they fell asleep.

"I love you Timmy," was the last thing he heard and tonight it meant more than usual.

"I love you too Abs," he returned quietly, pulling her just a little closer.

That was how sleep found them. Together, in each other's arms, giving silent support and letting love heal the hurts.

**NCIS**

When they got to Tony's place, he immediately put on some mindless movie they wouldn't really have to pay attention to, while Ziva rummaged through his kitchen looking for food. In the end, all they came up with was cereal, eaten in bowls while sitting on the couch as they tried to figure out the movie when they hadn't seen the beginning.

Not even an hour later their empty bowls rested on the coffee table and Ziva had curled up on half the couch and was now asleep. It didn't matter that they weren't talking or doing something, tonight Tony had just wanted someone else around. And since Ziva was the closest thing he had to a best friend, she was his first choice.

Playing the gentleman tonight, Tony decided to let Ziva have the couch and moved so she could stretch out if she wanted to. While the credits were playing, he grabbed a couple of the sleeping bags and blankets from his storage closet, and made up a makeshift mattress on the floor between the couch and the coffee table. He surveyed his handiwork and nodded as he shut the movie off. It would do for one night.

Tony lay down on the mattress and got comfortable, watching Ziva sleep for a long time. When he was sure she wasn't going to wake up, he slowly reached up and took the hand that was resting on the edge of the cushion, just holding it. He wanted some form of contact with her, even if he knew she would kill him for trying it if she was awake. He smiled, glad for the peace on her face as she slept. Finally he closed his own eyes and let sleep try and wash away the memories of today.

On the couch, Ziva concentrated on not giving away the fact that she was no longer asleep. She was awake the instant Tony touched her, after all, she was Mossad. It was her first instinct to jerk her hand away or make some silly comment. But she sensed the seriousness in her partner tonight and it had been a bad day for all, Ziva understood wanting to know someone else was there. So she kept pretending to be sleeping as Tony's breathing evened out and deepened. After a long time, she realized that it felt really nice for someone to hold her hand. And that was how she fell asleep.


	110. Chapter 110

Jenny was waiting in the living room when Gibbs finally made it home. It was almost 1 am and she had been getting worried. She waited up, not wanting to bed without him. Jenny knew he'd need her when this was all over. And she was right. She turned to Will first, before she even spoke to her husband, wanting no audience for this moment.

"Thank you Will, and thank Aaron too. You can go home now."

The agent still waited for confirmation from Gibbs before he left, and it came in the form of a slight nod. "Good night Director, Agent Gibbs," he said as he walked out.

Jenny closed and locked the door, finally turning to her husband. "Jethro?" She could see the exhaustion in his face and read the dark shadows behind his eyes as he leaned against the wall, letting it take his weight, bruised and battered and fighting the memories.

"We got him," Gibbs said as he shrugged off his coat, wincing at the pain in his shoulder from where he'd hit the pavement to avoid getting shot. He was planning to leave that part out as long as possible, Jen worried about him getting hurt and he didn't want anymore worry tonight. "Sent him to see Ducky."

Jenny knew by the tone in his voice that Jethro had been the one who shot the man who had taken the girls. She moved closer and put her hand on his shoulder and when he turned, she wrapped her arms around him. She could feel the tension in his body and knew he was struggling not to cry.

"He knew about Kelly Jen..." Gibbs said, his voice breaking. "He was taunting me with her, saying I failed her. I did, I know I did. I should've been there Jen, when she died. Maybe if I'd been there...maybe..." he couldn't get the rest of the words out. There were too many consequences for maybe and what if and he couldn't even think straight right now.

"Jethro," Jenny breathed, his words piercing her heart. Of all the things Rush could've brought up, did it have to be the most painful event in her husband's life? "Oh honey, I'm so sorry. He had no right." She felt her temper rising but Gibbs didn't need her anger tonight. She rubbed his back. "You didn't fail Kelly, Jethro, you didn't. You were fighting for your country, trying to keep her safe. Please, believe me."

She didn't know what else to say. Nothing could make the hurt he felt go away. It was too deep and it would always be there. It was just worse when the scab got torn off after so many years, now he was bleeding again and she couldn't make it better.

Gibbs put his arms around Jenny, holding on tight. The difference in his touch was something Jenny could feel. It was as if he thought she might disappear and he wasn't about to let go. His body shuddered when he sighed, the emotion rolling off of him.

"I really need you tonight Jen," he whispered.

Jenny knew that now it was her turn to do the caring for. The last three weeks Gibbs had worked so hard to be what she needed, to help her through everything left in the wake of her experience. But tonight she needed to be his strength because this time he was the broken one and her words and her touch were needed to help heal his hurt.

She turned off the lights and set the alarm, then took her husband's hand, leading him up to their room and into the bathroom. Just like he'd done for her that first night, Jenny turned the water on for him, letting it get good and hot. She leaned up and kissed him on the cheek.

"Have a shower Jethro, it'll help."

After a moment of just standing and looking at her, Gibbs finally nodded and pulled off his shirt, trying to keep his expression neutral, even as the ache in his shoulder intensified. Jenny left the room and closed the door behind her. Down the hall, Jenny grabbed a big, fluffy brown towel from the linen closet and took it downstairs to put in the dryer. She remembered the first time Gibbs had ever done that for her, shortly after they were married. Jenny couldn't think of anything that felt much more spoiled than having a warm towel waiting for her when she got out of the shower. Perhaps tonight it would help him.

She waited for the buzz to signal it was done, tidying up the kitchen and bringing a glass of water with her when she went back upstairs. Jenny was not as unobservant as her husband hoped, and she was going to insist he took aspirins for his shoulder before he tried to sleep.

Back in the bathroom, Gibbs stood silently under the hot, heavy spray of water, letting it pound into his back muscles and wash some of the strain from today away. He reached for his Old Spice shampoo, smiling just a little as he thought about how Jenny liked the smell of it on his pillow. After soaping himself up, Gibbs turned to face the water and watched all the suds get washed down the drain.

There was a tap on the door and Jenny's voice. "Jethro? I brought a towel for you."

He didn't bother responding. But shortly after that, Gibbs shut off the water and opened the curtain, bending down the get the towel. It was one of Jenny's good ones, he noticed, having learned to pay attention to some things. When he picked it up, his smile grew. She'd warmed it in the dryer for him. He shook his head. It really was a nice gesture and he knew she was trying to help tonight.

Gibbs wrapped the towel around his waist after he was mostly dry and opened the bathroom door to go back into their room. Jenny was sitting in the middle of the bed, reading while she waited for him. She kept her eyes on the book while he changed into pyjamas and he sat on the side of the bed to towel off his hair. Once the towel was hung up in the bathroom and the light was off, Gibbs came back and stood in the doorway. Jenny looked up and smiled. She pointed to the glass of water and two white pills sitting on her nightstand.

"Those first," she said sternly and he quirked an eyebrow at her. "Right shoulder," was all she said and he frowned, wondering when she'd learned him so well.

Gibbs hated pills and he never took them if he could help it. But his shoulder was hurting and it wasn't worth fighting with Jenny about it. He popped the pills in his mouth and washed them down with a long swallow of water. Jenny put aside her book and patted the spot in front of her.

"Come here Jethro," she whispered. "Let me hold you for awhile."

He hesitated only a moment before climbing onto the bed and settling between her legs. Gibbs sighed when Jenny touched his skin softly and began working her fingers into his neck, kneading at the tight muscles there and in his back and shoulders. She was careful to put no pressure on his right shoulder and worked around the spot instead. Gibbs just sat there and they didn't say a word while she worked her way down, massaging his back. It felt so good, her hands on him, doing what she could. It was more than he could've asked for, so Gibbs was glad that he hadn't needed to ask.

Little by little Jenny felt Gibbs relax. When she finished, she leaned against him, clasping her arms around his waist. For a long moment he just let her hug him.

Then he interrupted the silence. "I found your letter tonight," he said quietly. "Thank you Jenny. I twas just what I needed to hear."

Jenny rubbed her cheek against his back. "I'm glad."

There was more comfortable silence between them. Finally he put one hand over hers and took a deep breath. Gibbs knew things were still shaky for Jenny, that she was still healing, but he desperately need the comfort of her body tonight. Not for what they hadn't done yet, he had neither the energy nor the desire for it this time. He just needed her.

"Jen, will you let me hold you?" he asked quietly. "I want to feel you against me."

Jenny was quiet. She knew he meant more than just holding her as is. Her body balked at the thought and she couldn't help the tremour that ran through her. But this wasn't about her and it wasn't even about sex, which she was still uncertain about in a way. This was about Jethro and tonight she would give him all she could.

Gibbs felt Jenny move out from behind him and wondered about her reaction to his request. But she got off the bed and without looking at him, stripped down to her bra and underwear, leaving her pj's where they fell. He felt a rush of thankfulness at her willingness. He moved off the bed as well and removed everything but his boxers. He lifted the covers and crawled underneath, holding them up for Jenny, who hesitated only a moment before joining him.

Jenny was not comfortable with how close she was to naked, but she tried to focus all her energy on her husband. She moved to a position beside him where he could rest his head on her shoulder. His arms came around her waist to pull her closer and she stroked his hair and whispered to him things she wished would help.

"It's going to be alright." "I'm so sorry for the memories." "Remember the good times with Kelly, Jethro. Those are what she would want you to hold onto." And last but most important, "I love you."

After awhile, Gibbs pulled her lower so her head rested under his chin. He held her tightly, wrapping his legs around hers as well, until they couldn't get much closer. Jenny had her arms around her husband's neck and pressed her body against his. He held his hands still on her back, relishing the feel of them, skin to skin.

Jenny pulled back and moved to kiss him. In an instant Jethro's hands were cradling her face, his lips taking control of hers. There was no passion in his kiss tonight, no promise of something more. Instead it was raw and desperate need she felt and Jenny poured her heart and her love into the kiss she returned, hoping he could sense it. They lay like that, entangled and sharing kisses, until the fatigue overwhelmed Gibbs and he pulled away.

"Thank you," he whispered against her hair.

Jenny smiled and waited until he turned on his side to sleep. Then she spooned him from behind, her arm around his waist and his hand overtop of hers. She waited until his breathing became deep and even before taking back her hand and undoing the clasp on her bra. She maneuvered out of it and pressed back in against her husband's body. One step at a time, that's all she was going for. And she felt more comfortable being partially naked if he wasn't awake and didn't look. Resting her head on the pillow behind his, Jenny closed her eyes and tried to fall asleep.


	111. Chapter 111

_A/N: Hey guys. This is kind of just a filler chapter. It should be posted with the next one but it's not written yet and I didn't want to not post anything for three days. So yeah, hope it's okay and I'll definitely have more of the story up Monday night. Thanks again for everything!_

Tony yawned and stretched, groaning as his back protested spending a night on the floor.

"Mornin' Ziva," he mumbled sleepily, sure she would've woken up before him.

When there was no response, he frowned and opened his eyes, sitting up when he realized she wasn't on the couch.

"Ziva?" he called louder. Maybe she was in bathroom or showering or something. But no slightly accented voice answered him back.

Disappointed, Tony slowly got to his feet, surveying the empty apartment. The clock showed it was eight-thirty on Tuesday morning, later than he normally got up but not as late as Saturday morning sleeping in. Knowing Ziva, she'd probably been up at five am for her run.

He sighed. Alone again. Deciding to leave the livingroom the way it was, Tony went for a shower, glad for the fresh, clean feeling he had after. Falling asleep in his clothes was never a good idea. Now he was ready to face the day. He wandered into the kitchen and caught sight of his key ring, grinning at the sight of the new bronze key that hadn't been there a week ago. Suddenly he got an idea. It was time for a surprise.

Ziva was in the bathroom braiding her hair when she heard the deadbolt on the front door click open. Instantly alert, she dropped her hair and reached for the knife at her waist, creeping up the hallway towards the entrance. A man was standing in the doorway of her apartment. Ziva frowned and snapped at him.

"Tony!"

He jumped several inches and whirled around, raising his arms to cover his face.

"Hold your fire!" he hollered, expecting to come face to face with Ziva's Sig or whatever other small arms she kept around her place. "I come in peace!"

Ziva replaced her knife in it's sheath and folded her arms across her chest, glaring at him. "It was a knife this time Tony," she informed him, "so I guess you should say 'hold your blades' instead." She shook her head, failing to comprehend why he learned so slowly. "Never, ever try to surprise a Mossad officer," she told him for the hundredth time. "You could've been dead before you had a chance to explain why you are here." Ziva held his gaze. "So?"

Tony pointed to the drinks he'd put down on the table and jiggled the bag that was slung over his arm. "Breakfast?" he asked with a grin.

Only because she could smell the freshly baked muffins from her favourite bakery did Ziva relent and her frown disappeared. She stepped aside and gestured to the kitchen, grabbing the coffees after he walked past her. They settled at her small, two person kitchen table and she eagerly dug into the still warm blueberry muffin.

After eating half of it in silence while Tony did the same, Ziva took a sip of coffee and finally smiled at her partner. "Thank you Tony. These are delicious."

He grinned. "Only the best for you." She swatted his arm. "Hey, how come you left this morning? I could've found us something for breakfast."

Ziva shrugged. "You were sleeping. I needed to get my run in." She winked at him. "And we both know you cannot keep up. I did sleep until 0700," she added, trying to defend herself.

Tony leaned back in his chair. "Yeah, that's really late."

Ziva regarded him carefully. "Now what?"

Tony gave her a confused look. "What do you mean?"

"Well, you have broken into my apartment to bring breakfast and it only 0900, five hours until we are expected at work. What else are we going to do?"

Throwing on his college jock attitude, Tony looked her up and down lazily. "I could think of a few things that might be fun."

Ziva flicked a crumb across the table at him and looked up, her eyes dangerous. "Do you have anything in mind that will not result in your imminent demise?"

Tony swallowed and laughed nervously. "Oh...umm..." he searched his mind frantically for an idea while Ziva waited.

**NCIS**

Jenny stirred, trying not to wake up completely, wanting to sleep until the last possible second when her alarm went off. It had been a late night and all of the emotional energy she had given out left her feeling more tired than usual. But after dozing for a few more minutes, it suddenly came to Jenny that she'd been so focused on Jethro last night and what he needed, that she'd forgotten to set the alarm.

She opened her eyes with a start and they flew to the clock. It was after 6:30 am! But before she threw off the covers in a panic, Jenny remembered that she was the Director and if she came in late, it just meant that everyone else was a little early. She smiled to herself. It wasn't really like they could start without her.

Stretching, Jenny covered a yawn and looked over at his husband, glad for two reasons to see that he was still sleeping. One, he desperately needed the rest. Jethro had pushed himself and the team very hard to find the missing girls and the man who orchestrated the whole thing. And second, she suddenly noticed that she was still without the upper half of her underwear. Jenny didn't want Gibbs looking at her, not just yet.

She reached over and let her fingertips trail down his cheek, just barely touching the skin. She loved him so much. What happened to her could've ruined everything, he could've decided he didn't want to deal with her healing and left. But he hadn't. He was here and he was helping her through. It was a new day, a new week and Jenny felt like this could be the beginning of a whole new start for her and Jethro. She really wanted that.

Reaching for the gray shawl that hung on one of the bedposts, Jenny wrapped it's warm length around her body and headed for the shower. Under the hot spray, she felt her body waking up and her mind becoming more alert. When she reached for the shampoo, her wedding ring caught her eye and Jenny twisted it around to match her engagement ring. Then she remembered the day they'd told the team they were married, and the little bet they'd had going beforehand as to who would notice first and how.

It had been only a couple of weeks, but that day felt like ages ago. However, Jenny seemed to remember winning the bet and saving her prize for later. The rest of the shower was spent contemplating her choices. The possibilities were virtually endless because they hadn't set limits on this particular bet as they had for others. When she finally got out and dried off, Jenny was smiling, because she knew exactly what Gibbs was going to owe her as a prize. And she was looking forward to it already.

**NCIS**

Gibbs lay in bed, listening to the shower run. Jenny hadn't meant to wake him up, but he was really sensitive to her touch the past couple of days and he'd felt her fingers on his face, but waited until she left the room to open his eyes. He'd let her continue to have her privacy, even if he knew what she'd done after he'd fallen asleep last night. It had been all Gibbs could do not to turn over and kiss her right there, just for letting down her guard enough to have more of her skin against his than she had in weeks.

He rolled over, his eyes on the bathroom door, hoping for a good morning kiss when she came out, wrapped in a towel, her skin still warm from the water. He'd decided something last night, after how Jenny had been there for him when he really needed her. Gibbs knew that wanting her and loving on her was not going to hurt her, it all depended on how he handled those desires and actions.

Jenny's experience had left them far enough apart, he wasn't going to let his dream from the weekend keep them away from each other any longer. Touching each other, holding, kissing, wanting - perhaps it was actually helping to heal them both from what had happened. It was time to let the dream go. It might take him all day to work up the courage, but he'd talk to Jenny about it tonight, God willing, if nothing else came up.

Gibbs hoped it would be a quiet day at the office, and though a part of him resented the restriction, the other part was very glad that Jenny had given them half the day off. They all needed the time to get over their lingering feelings from the case. Kidnappings, whether with happy or heartbreaking endings, always left a bad taste that took awhile to get rid of sometimes.

He was just drifting off into sleep again when the bathroom door opened and his wife walked out, as he'd predicted, still in a towel. She smiled when she saw that he was awake.

"Hi," she smiled, leaning across the bed to get closer to him. "Sorry to wake you."

Gibbs drank in the sight of her, always beautiful no matter what the situation. "It's worth it when I get to wake up to this." He gestured to her in a towel and Jenny blushed.

"Behave Jethro," she wagged her finger at him teasingly and he took it to put a kiss there. Jenny's heart melted. Did he have to be so utterly irresistible? Especially when she was technically late for work?

Gibbs moved towards her, cupping her cheek with his hand and for one of the first times since Saturday night, initiating contact with her. Jenny savoured the kiss, loving his soft lips and his gentleness, though she suspected there was still passion hidden behind it. After a long moment she pulled back and looked right into his eyes.

"Well, that was a nice 'Good Morning'."

He caressed her cheek with his thumb. "I love you Jenny."

She grinned. "Three of my favourite words." She kissed him again, wanting to linger but knowing she couldn't, before moving to the closet to pull out one of her business outfits.

It was almost disconcerting the way he just lay there and watched her get ready, Jenny thought with a smile. And even though today she was still conscious enough of her husband's eyes to get dressed in the bathroom, one day soon she was hoping that wouldn't be an issue anymore. It wasn't like her body was any different now than before. All the marks her attacker had left were gone, save for the red rings around her wrists from the ropes.

They weren't healing as fast as everything else, and Jenny wondered if she had done permanent damage to the skin there. But Jethro considered them reminders of how lucky they were to still have each other, and to not take any of their time together for granted. So they weren't really a big deal. It was just the actual feeling of being naked, whether someone else was looking at her or not. It made Jenny feel exposed, like she was in danger by just not having covering. It would get better with time, it was already less intense than it was in the first couple of weeks, but recovering wasn't something that happened overnight, even if that would be nice.

It was almost seven-thirty by the time she was ready to go, and Jenny knew Noemi was already in the house, probably preparing breakfast and doing a little tidying up. She couldn't even remember what the kitchen looked like, they hadn't used it much for the last couple of days.

Gibbs was dressed in sweats and waiting for her when she came out of the bathroom. Jenny smiled at him and he followed her down the stairs. After she had her coat on, she turned to him.

"Try to relax this morning Jethro. Go back to bed and rest, let Noemi spoil you with breakfast," she smiled, "read a book or something. But do not under any circumstance show up at NCIS before 1400."

He gave her a small salute. "Yes Ma'am."

Jenny shook her head at him. "Goodbye Jethro." She leaned closer to kiss him goodbye, something they hadn't done recently because they'd been going into work together so much. But Gibbs kissed her deeper than usual and wouldn't let go, something that surprised her, and she looked at him questioningly after he stopped to catch his breath.

She didn't have to ask the question, he already knew, but it was hard to explain. "When I left you in the parking lot that night Jen, if that had been the last time," he swallowed hard, gripping her hands, "I would want you to remember that you left with the feel of my kiss still on your lips, that the last words you heard from your husband were 'I love you', so you wouldn't forget, no matter what."

Jenny looked at him so tenderly, Gibbs wasn't sure he deserved for her to love him so much. "Oh Jethro," she said softly, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around his neck, letting him hold her close while she held him. "I promise. I would never forget."

She kissed him again, long and slowly, to let him know she meant it. Finally she smiled at him again. "I love you Jethro."

Gibbs was still holding Jenny's hands and he kissed the back of both before reluctantly letting her go. "Love you Jen. See you later."

"Bye."

He watched her go, the familiar ache in his heart. Some things would never change. Looking at the clock, he decided to grab a quick breakfast and then spend a couple hours working on his boat before heading into the office. Nothing like a little hard work and sweat to start the day off. Good old homemade therapy, everything should be that easy.

**NCIS**

Timothy McGee decided that sleeping in was his new favourite thing. Currently he lay in his bed, his arms wrapped around the body of his girlfriend, who lay asleep on his chest. She often used him as a pillow and just like all the other times, McGee couldn't move because he didn't want to wake her up. From where he lay, he could just see the digital alarm clock on his nightstand, the numbers reading a time he hadn't slept in 'til for a long time.

He stayed still and listened to the sound of Abby's peaceful breathing, concentrating on how she felt in his arms. It had been a long time since they shared a bed, probably going back to when Abby's stalker ex-boyfriend had tried to kill her and Gibbs had left Abby in his care.

Tim's arms tightened around her a little bit when he thought of how close they'd come to losing her more than once during that investigation. It had been that event that had started him thinking about how much he cared for Abby and wondering what to do with it. It may have taken them months to get from friends to more than friends, but he was glad to be here. And if he had anything to say about it, which he did, it wouldn't be too much longer before Abby had his ring on her finger and they were waking up every morning in each other's arms.

He smiled at the thought and looked up when his dog padded softly into the room and over to Abby's side of the bed.

"Hey Jethro," McGee said, not having a hand free to ruffled the dog's ear. His gaze fell back to the woman at his side and he got an idea. "Up boy," he encouraged his dog. "Come here. Come wake up Abby."

Jethro, all sixty pounds of him, jumped onto the bed and nudged Abby's cheek with his wet nose. Abby opened her eyes and giggled.

"Jethro! That's no way to say good morning." She stroked his neck and he lay down on the bed with a contented sigh. Abby turned to her boyfriend. "Did you get him to do that?"

McGee shrugged. "I might've suggested it," he smiled.

They looked at each other for a moment before Abby raised her eyebrows. "I'm still waiting for a proper good morning Tim."

Slowly McGee brought his face to Abby's, tilting his head as he captured her lips in a gentle kiss. Soon it was more than one, his hands on her face, her fingers trailing through his already messed up hair. McGee took a breath and kissed Abby's neck before pulling away.

"Good morning," he said, his voice a little hoarser than before.

Abby laughed, there had been so much more behind that than the greeting. She snuggled against McGee and thought about how well she'd slept last night, with his arms around her and his warmth beside her. It was nice, sharing a bed with Timmy again. She knew they were in this for the long haul this time, no giving up when it got hard or backing down when something threatened to tear them apart.

She wouldn't press him to ask the question, though she'd probably tease him about it here and there. She'd known McGee a long time and he would ask her when he was really and truly ready. Of course, being as impatient as she was, Abby was hoping he'd be ready soon. She loved this, them together. They just fit. It would be nice to have this every morning, to lay in bed together as they woke up, to share kisses and cuddle and maybe even more, if there was time. It was comforting and comfortable and someday it would be hers forever.

Finally McGee cleared his throat and started talking as if nothing had happened. "So I was thinking...pancakes?"

The hopeful expression on his face was more than enough for her. "Sounds good to me Timmy. Can I grab a shower first?"

"Sure." There was always stuff he could do around his place while he waited for her.

Once Abby was ready, they made pancakes together, getting flour everywhere and laughing at the mess. Breakfast was eaten at the island in Tim's kitchen and they cleaned up afterwards, moving around each other with the ease that came from doing this before. When the kitchen looked presentable again and they still had a couple hours before they had to report to work, Tim turned to Abby with a impish look on his face.

"I just got a new video game," he announced. "Care to challenge me?"

Abby grinned. "You're on McGee. Prepare to eat my pixels!"

McGee laughed and started his computer. This was going to be fun.


	112. Chapter 112

The tell-tale ding of the elevator echoed onto the floor as the doors slid open. Inside were two people. The first was a beautiful, confident, Israeli woman with a smile on her face. The second a handsome man whose expression betrayed the fact that he had not had a good morning. Tony made a beeline for his desk and dropped into his chair, nursing his wounded pride.

He should know better by now than to challenge Ziva to something. But he never learned. At first it was the only thing that came to mind that they could do with their free hours that morning. So they'd started a knife throwing contest in her livingroom, aiming for the thick block of wood marked with a red bull's-eye. But his years at camp, though adequate, could not compare with a woman who had been groomed and trained by Mossad since she was a young girl.

After a loss of 60 to Ziva's 100 points, Tony still thought he could salvage some of his confidence and suggested the shooting range at work. He was a decent shot and thought he would do alright. Sure, it had been three years since Gibbs tested him and Kate and he shot the suspect's ear off, but Ziva was like a machine. Six targets later Tony gave up and refused to speak to her all the way upstairs. It didn't help that she was sitting across from him now, making no attempt to hide the grin of triumph on her face.

Ziva watched the turmoil and regret on Tony's face and chuckled to herself. This she could use against him for weeks whenever he tormented her. Revenge was sweet. But he was starting to look depressed and while she had wanted to deplete - no deflate? she wasn't sure - him a little, she didn't want him getting into a funk over his loss. So she decided to boost him up a bit.

"Don't worry Tony," Ziva smiled at him over her monitor, "I will give you a re-match someday."

Tony met her eyes and it took a minute, but a smile slowly spread over his face and the determination in his eyes came back. "You're on Ziva. I'll be practicing."

At that moment Gibbs walked by with a cup of coffee. "Haven't you learned yet Tony?"

Tony sat up straighter. "What do you mean Boss?"

Gibbs headslapped him with less force than normal. "Mossad will always trump cop. Try to remember that."

Ziva grinned and Tony shook his head, rubbing the back of it. "I'm not buying it. I still think I can take her."

Gibbs sighed. "And that's why you keep losing."

McGee came in and settled at his desk, looking in confusion at the other agents and checking his watch. No, he was definitely on time. Since when did Tony and Ziva get in before him?

Gibbs barely even looked up, holding a piece of paper. "Ziva, McGee."

The two agents looked up curiously, and Ziva reached for the paper as McGee left his desk to hear the rest.

"Dan Berkley's team needs someone to cover while they take a two hour rotation break from their surveillance. I've volunteered the two of you."

Tony looked up in protest. "Hey, what about me? Ziva's my partner, not McNerd's."

Gibbs stared his senior agent into silence and turned back to the other two. "Go. It's only ten minutes from here. I want you back here by 1630, no exceptions." He shooed them away and McGee and Ziva slowly picked up their packs. Gibbs tossed the keys and Ziva snatched them out of the air in delight.

"I am driving!"

"Oh Boss, not that, please not that!" McGee begged. But he got no sympathy from higher up and reluctantly followed Ziva to the elevator.

"Good luck Probie!" Tony smirked, only to be shut down by Gibbs' look. Tony put on his innocent look. "What?" he asked.

"Paperwork," Gibbs ordered. "Now."

Tony looked back at him computer and pouted. "I always get left behind."

"Trying to save you from premature death DiNozzo," Gibbs said. "If you've already ticked Ziva off this morning, I'm not giving you more of an opportunity to do it this afternoon. I can't afford for her to kill you."

"Would you miss me Boss?" Tony asked gleefully.

"Too much paperwork to get a new agent assigned," was Gibbs only comment. Tony took the hint and got back to work.

**NCIS**

An hour later Ziva and McGee were sitting in a car down the street from the house being watched, using binoculars to keep an eye on the activity and taking pictures of anyone they hadn't seen before. It was a very simple mission and after yesterday's case, McGee was grateful. Ziva, on the other hand, hated stakeouts and was getting bored.

Tim had been thinking about something important all morning. He'd wanted to ask Ziva a question somewhere Tony couldn't hear and he hadn't been sure how to get her alone. Now that they were stuck as partners for the afternoon, it seemed like the perfect time. It had taken him the last hour to work up the courage to ask her, but he finally made himself say the words.

"Uh, Ziva?" McGee asked nervously.

"Yes McGee?" Ziva answered, not paying much attention as she watched a man from the house packing boxes into the back of an SUV and wishing she knew what was inside.

Tim cleared his throat. "I have something I want to ask you."

Ziva turned to him then, taking in the way he shifted in his seat and the unsure look in his eyes. It seemed this was something serious.

She settled against the door and faced him. McGee had been her first partner, on the Civil War case the day she was assigned to NCIS as a Mossad Liaison. Over the years, she'd grown fond of the overgrown school boy and computer genius that was McGee. He had been the one to welcome her to the team and show her around the city when she was still getting acquainted with America and her new home in DC.

If she were ever to classify their relationship, she would call them friends, but really, Tim was the kind of person she would like to have for a brother. Yes, she often joined Tony in making fun of him, but she would kill anyone that tried to hurt him and Ziva knew he cared about her as well. So whatever his question was, she was prepared to take it seriously.

"What is it?" she asked, curious now.

McGee fiddled with the camera and avoided looking at her eyes. "Ziva, I was wondering...will you come with me, maybe on our lunch sometime soon, and help me look at rings for Abby?"

Ziva's eyes widened. "Are you going to ask her to marry you McGee?"

Tim's face heated and he risked glancing up at her, nodding slowly. "Yes."

She grinned. "That is so exciting!" The she frowned. "Do you not think it is a little soon? You have only been dating for two weeks."

McGee shrugged and finally met Ziva's eyes. "I know. But we've been waiting four years for this Ziva, two weeks seems like forever." He paused. "But I mean, I have to find the right ring first, and I have to plan it. I want my proposal to be something special, something Abby will remember forever. It's Abby, I can't do anything ordinary."

Ziva agreed. "That is wise. Abby deserves something special. Do you know when?"

McGee looked out the window, snapping a few more photos while he thought about the question. "Not right away. Maybe in a month. It's going to feel like years though, if I have it all planned and have to wait. Abby already knows it's going to happen sometime, but I want to make sure she's really ready for the next step before I actually ask her to make it with me."

Ziva put her hand over Tim's. "You are a good man McGee. I think Abby is very lucky to have someone like you, who loves her so much."

McGee gave her a look, like he knew something she did not. "Someday Ziva, that'll be you. You deserve someone to love you, someone who won't ever break your heart or go away. Trust me," he grinned, "it'll happen when you least expect it."

Ziva brushed off the comment, though it touched her, what McGee had said. She couldn't ever remember someone telling her she deserved to be loved. It made her wonder what it would be like. But as she looked at the love in McGee's eyes, Ziva thought how nice it would be, to be loved like that. It wasn't likely to ever happen to her, but it was a nice dream.

She smiled at her friend. "I will come with you McGee, just let me know when."

McGee's eyes lit up. "Thanks Ziva. I owe you one. Sarah would just be a little bit too high strung if I took her ring shopping with me. She screamed when I told her I was dating Abby again, I've had about as much college-girl enthusiasm as I can take. I'll let her see them when I've narrowed down the selection. I can't wait though, to see the look on Abby's face when I ask her." Tim was rambling now, he knew that, but he wasn't sure how to turn off the thoughts in his head.

"It will be worth the wait McGee, of that I am sure," Ziva finally said, then picked up the binoculars again to observe the objects of their surveillance.

**NCIS**

"Director Shepard," the security guard on the phone said, "there's a woman at the front doors who insists that she be allowed to come up and see you."

Jenny's forehead wrinkled. She wasn't expecting any visitors. "What's her name Mason?"

Mason looked back at the ID the woman had given him. "Rachel Wayne Ma'am."

Jenny had to stifle her laughter. "Thank you Mason, send her up."

"With an escort Director?" Mason asked

Jenny nodded. "Just so she doesn't get lost."

When the elevator doors opened minutes later, Jenny was waiting. "Rachel!" she scolded lightly, embracing her friend. "Why didn't you warn me you were coming?"

"What?" Rachel laughed. "So you could hide?"

Jenny nodded at Rachel's escort. Apparently Mason felt it necessary to send a member of her security detail up with her friend. "Thank you Aaron."

He nodded and returned the way he had come.

She turned her attention back to Rachel. "No silly, not so I could hide. But it would've been easier for you to get in if I'd left a guest pass for you at the front."

"Oh." Rachel shrugged. "Well, you know me, always a surprise."

"Yes you are," Jenny smiled. "It's great to see you. Gosh, it feels like forever."

"Four days and counting," Rachel replied cheerily as they entered Jenny's office. They sat down together on the couch.

"So, what are you doing here?" Jenny asked, curious. "I mean, I know I said you should come see the place but..."

Rachel leaned back into the cushions. "I only worked a partial day today. I'm still training and they have a big afternoon coming up with all the registrations for next semester." She chuckled. "I think they wanted the newbie out of the way for the rush and then they can show me what to do when it's slower tomorrow."

Jenny had already kicked off her heels and tucked her feet up under her, supporting her head on her hand. "How's the job so far Rach?"

Her friend brightened. "It's been great. Everyone there is so nice. Well," she rolled her eyes, "they're just a tiny bit uptight and focused, but I'm working on them."

Jenny laughed. "Oh dear. Heaven help them. They're about to be Rach-ified."

"Hey!" Rachel shoved Jenny's shoulder. "You survived it."

"Barely," Jenny grinned, revealing her teasing.

Rachel looked at her watch. "It's past lunch. Did you eat yet? I'm starved. I keep forgetting to eat meals on time."

"Shocking," Jenny said dryly. "This from the girl who would have breakfast for supper and make sandwiches in the middle of the night after she got back from dancing. Never mind that her roommate was desperately studying for exams."

"I make good sandwiches and you loved them!" Rachel retorted.

"Well, it's still no wonder your body is confused about meals."

"Anyhow," Rachel continued, ignoring Jenny, "can you take a lunch break or something? I saw this great café down the street that I'm dying to try - Cleo's?"

Jenny nodded. "I've been there several times. It's very nice."

"Great, so can you come?"

Jenny was trying to decide if this was actually for fun or so Rachel could check up on her eating habits. At last she nodded. "I guess. I just don't normally don't leave for lunch."

Rachel's eyes narrowed and she crossed her arms. "Does that mean you don't eat lunch or," she grinned mischievously, "does that handsome husband of yours bring you lunch here?"

Jenny pretended to be looking around the room for something. "A little bit of both," she muttered quietly, then instantly tried to change the subject. "Can I tell you a secret?"

Prepared to start in on Jenny for not eating, Rachel fell for the bait and leaned forward. "Definitely. I love secrets."

"Yes, I know," Jenny said patiently, "but you have to keep this one."

Rachel wrinkled her nose. "I keep secrets very well thank you very much."

"Until someone pries it out of you," Jenny noted, having practiced her skill at this several times over the course of their years together in college. "But even if you are threatened with The Stare or heaven forbid, A Headslap, you may not under any circumstance spill this secret to my husband. Do you understand?"

Rachel held up three fingers. "Scout's honour."

"Which I'd believe if you had ever been a scout Rachel Ann."

Her friend frowned. "Don't you middle name me Jennifer Marie. Are you going to tell me or just keep me in suspense all day?"

Jenny briefly explained to Rachel about how she and Jethro had kept their marriage a secret for seven months, only revealing it to his agents, the team "family", a couple of weeks ago.

"So we had this little bet going on," Jenny smiled, "and I won. But I told him I'd save my reward for later. To be honest, I'd almost forgotten about the whole thing until this morning. Now I know exactly what I want as my prize."

"Yeah?" Rachel asked eagerly.

Jenny leaned closer and whispered the secret into Rachel's ear. Her friend's eyes widened. "Jennifer! Ooh...I think Jethro is going to like that."

Jenny shrugged. "I guess we'll see. I want to talk to him about it tonight." Suddenly Rachel's face lit up and Jenny looked at her suspiciously. "What? What is that look?"

Rachel grinned. "Forget lunch Jen. You and I are going to the mall for some 'girl therapy'."


	113. Chapter 113

Gibbs happened to glance up at the catwalk just in time to catch sight of his wife being dragged out of her office by none other than Rachel. Jenny cast a helpless glance down towards the bullpen and Gibbs merely waved and smiled. She shot him a mock glare and he chuckled to himself. There were some things a husband just didn't get involved in and one of those was getting between his wife and her best friend. End of story. Although, Gibbs reflected, he'd probably hear all about it later.

**NCIS**

"Honestly Rach," Jenny protested futilely for the twelfth time, "I've been to many functions in my time as Director and there are several beautiful dresses in my closet to choose from."

"Yes," Rachel said impatiently as she sifted through the gowns on another rack, "but he's seen all those, hasn't he?"

"Well...yes," Jenny admitted, looking uneasily at the pile of dresses Rachel had already chosen. "You don't really expect me to try all these on, do you?" The look her friend gave her said enough. "Okay, but I really can only be gone for an hour, you know that right?"

"Then I guess you'll have to hurry," Rachel replied quickly, shoving another dress into Jenny's arms and pushing her towards the changeroom. "Scoot. And I want to see every single one Jennifer."

Jenny pouted. "I thought you were my friend."

Rachel raised an eyebrow at her. "That is exactly why I'm doing this Jen. Trust me. You'll thank me later."

"But my wallet won't," Jenny grumbled as she locked the door behind her.

Forty-five minutes and nearly fifteen dresses later, Jenny stepped out of the changeroom again and faced her friend. "Well?" she asked.

Rachel's eyes practically glowed. "Wow," she said softly, looking at Jenny carefully. She twirled her finger in the air. "Spin. Let me see it all."

Jenny rolled her eyes but obligingly spun around slowly so Rachel could get the whole effect.

"That's the one," she smiled. "If that dress doesn't make Jethro's jaw drop, nothing will."

Jenny allowed herself a small smile. "It isn't really hard to make that happen Rach." She faced the mirror and scrutinized her image. She really did like the dress. The colour, the way the fabric fell, the fact that it was a size four...but that was probably not best to mention since she's been a size six forever and Rachel knew that.

"What do you think?" Rachel asked, excited.

Jenny grinned. "You're right. This is it. I can't wait to see Jethro's face." She went back into the small cubicle to change.

"I want to see Jethro's face when you tell him what you're claiming as your prize for winning the bet," Rachel said, looking through her purse while she waited for Jenny to finish.

"And that's why we won't have an audience for that moment Rachel," Jenny smiled, coming out in her office clothes again.

Rachel swatted Jenny's arm. "You're no fun. You leave me out of all the good parts."

Jenny shook her head. "Not even going there. Nice try though." She put the dress on the counter for the clerk to ring through and a few minutes later she and Rachel were headed back towards the mall entrance. The food court was to the left of the mall doors and Rachel was getting distracted by the smell of food.

"Umm...Jen?" she asked, pointing.

Jenny nodded. "Enjoy."

Rachel shook her head. "No way missy. I'll eat here, but you are at least taking a salad to go."

"Rach..." Jenny tried to protest but to no avail.

Rachel shook her finger at Jenny. "Do not make me call your husband."

Jenny crossed her arms. "Tattling now are we?"

"Only when it's necessary," Rachel sighed.

"Fine," Jenny agreed. "A small salad to go because now I'm seriously going to be late getting back." Never mind that she didn't have anything interesting on her calendar for the rest of the day. Some things friends didn't need to know because they would just use it against you.

After standing in line for a few more minutes, Rachel paid for Jenny's salad and her own pasta and vegetable dish. The two friends parted with a hug. Jenny turned just before she went through the doors.

"Hey Rach?" she called.

Her friend looked up. "Yeah?"

"Don't make any plans for tonight, 'kay?"

Rachel shrugged. "Okay Miss Mysterious. It'll just be me and my books back at my place if you decide to call."

"Thanks Rachel, see you!"

Rachel waved. "Later."

Even though she was already past her hour for lunch, Jenny still stopped at a small shop on her way back to NCIS.

"Welcome to Just Blossoms," the girl at the counter smiled. "I'm Kendall, may I help you?"

"I hope so," Jenny returned with an answering smile. "I'm looking for something for my husband."

**NCIS**

Jenny hadn't been back for five minutes when the phone on Gibbs' desk rang. "Yeah, Gibbs," he answered, even though he was pretty sure he knew who it was.

"Agent Gibbs?" came Cynthia's voice. "The Director would like to see you in her office at your earliest convenience."

Gibbs smiled at the way the message was worded. "Tell her I'll be right up Cynthia."

As soon as he got to his feet, Tony was already inching out of his chair, desperate for something to do. Gibbs pointed his finger towards the ground and fixed his stare on the agent. "Sit," he said sternly. "Until you are done that paperwork, make believe like your butt is superglued to that chair. And if you don't," he leaned closer, "I'll get Abby and then you will be superglued to the chair. Got it?"

"Got it Boss," Tony squeaked, sinking back into his chair unhappily.

As Gibbs headed up the stairs towards MTAC, or more likely the Director's office, Tony thought smugly, the elevator opened for the umpteenth time that morning to bring forth his teammates.

"Ziva! McGoo!" he exclaimed in delight. "How'd it go?"

Ziva and McGee exchanged puzzled glances and ignored Tony. He thought something was up.

"Get all cozy in that surveillance car?" he asked with a smirk, then ducked when Ziva's letter opener buried itself in the partition wall. He cringed. "Geez David, what were you trying to do? I could've been killed."

Ziva's focus was on her computer screen. "At least it would have shut you up," she stated firmly.

"Welcome back to you to Grouchy-Pants," he grumbled. Then his expression brightened and he looked upstairs. "What do you think they do when Gibbs gets called up to her office?"

McGee immediately started typing, pretending like he hadn't heard a thing. Ziva sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Tony, if you spent half as much time on your reports as you do speculating about things that are none of your business," she fixed her eyes on his, "then you would probably even be done before McGee."

Tony tilted his head to the side. "Was that a challenge, Zee-vah?"

She shrugged. "Call it what you will."

"I bet I beat you."

She laughed. "Flabby chance."

He snorted. "It's 'fat chance' Ziva. Nice try though. So," he leaned his chin on his hand and looked at her. "What do I get if I win?"

"Tony, to win the bet you would first have had to hear me agree to it, which I did not. Now please be quiet! I am trying to work."

"Mmm...you want me to be quiet eh? Can't concentrate with the distraction of my sexy voice right? I knew it all along," he sighed dreamily, "you want me. You just can't admit it to yourself. That's okay, it's happen to lots of women. I-"

Ziva didn't even look up, she just straightened the box of paperclips sitting in the corner of her desk. Tony gulped and suddenly became very motivated to finish the report on his computer screen.

**NCIS**

"You wanted to see me Jen?" Gibbs asked when he walked in, flipping the lock behind him like old times.

"Yes, thank you for coming Jethro." She was standing in the middle of the room with her hands behind her back. "I have something for you."

He looked at her with that adorable half-grin on his lips. "It wouldn't be a kiss by any chance, would it? It's been almost nine hours since my last one."

She laughed. "Counting now are you?"

Gibbs moved closer. "I start counting after two hours. It's a long time to wait." He held her gaze. "Especially when you're looking at me like that."

Jenny tilted her head to the side. "You can have a kiss after. But this is important."

"And serious?" he asked, trying to read her eyes.

"A little," she conceded, wanting him to really hear her. Slowly she brought her hands out from behind her back and handed him a green stem with a bunch of little blue blossoms crowning the top.

Gibbs looked at her in surprise. "Jen?"

She shrugged. "Well, you said you'd never gotten flowers before, and since I've been completely spoiled by them lately, I thought it was your turn." Jenny moved closer, invading her husband's personal space and closing her eyes for a second, letting his scent and warmth envelop her.

"I'm assuming it has a meaning?" he asked, his voice low.

She looked up into his eyes. "It's to remind you."

Gibbs ran his hand down her cheek. "Remind me of what?"

Jenny took a deep breath. "Of our memories together, and to hope for more." She hoped he could see in her eyes what she didn't really know how to explain. That she'd felt the distance the last couple of days and wanted to change that.

Gibbs' eyes never left Jenny's. "Oh Jen," he said softly, bringing his face closer to hers. "Thank you." Almost in slow motion, their lips met for a kiss and suddenly Gibbs' flower was in danger of being crushed as they wrapped their arms around each other, enjoying the chance to be close and to share this moment.

Jenny was smiling when they ended the kiss. She traced his lips with her finger. "I love you Jethro."

Gibbs held her close, running his hand through her hair and burying his face in her neck, kissing the spot the made her shiver with delight. "Me too Jen," he sighed. "Me too." Then he looked at the clock. "Hey, did you miss therapy today?"

Jenny leaned back and bit her lip. "I wish. No, I had Cynthia call Dr. Renway to reschedule my appointment for later when Rachel showed up. An hour is never just an hour with Rachel." She grinned.

"Did you two have a good time?" Gibbs asked.

"We did actually," Jenny smiled. "It's nice to just go out with a girlfriend sometimes."

He gave her a look. "I hope you're not implying that I'm not good company Mrs. Gibbs."

She gave him the look right back. "Never Jethro. Think of this as a good thing - now there's someone to rescue you from watching chick flicks with me."

Gibbs smiled. "Well, that's definitely a plus. I guess we should keep Rachel around then."

Jenny glanced at the window and then back at her husband. "Speaking of which...would you mind terribly if Rachel came over for supper tonight?"

He cocked his head to the side and looked at her. "You don't need to ask my permission Jen. She's your best friend, I'm not going to say no."

"I know," Jenny replied, "but...the first time she stayed was a surprise, something we hadn't planned. And the second time I was effectively using her as a human shield. I at least wanted you to have a heads-up for the third time."

Gibbs settled his hands on Jenny's hips, her arms still around his neck. "It think it would be nice to have her come."

Jenny's smile was worth his answer, even if he always wanted more alone time with his wife to just be them. "Okay. I'll call her. Thank you Jethro."

He leaned in to kiss her again, her soft lips moving against his and testing his plans to be at work for awhile longer. "Anytime Jen," he whispered against her skin. She pushed him away playfully.

"Stop looking at me like that Jethro," Jenny warned him, "I am not making out with you in my office five minutes before I have to report to Kristyn's office."

"Maybe later though?" he asked hopefully, fingering the flower she'd given him. It was the first flower he'd ever gotten and he appreciated the thought she'd put into the message it came with.

Jenny rolled her eyes and laughed. "Back to work Agent Gibbs. I think you owe me a report?"

"Fine Jen," Gibbs gave in. "See you later?"

"Come get me when you're ready to go," she replied with a smile.

"Love you Jen."

Jenny's eyes softened for him. "Always Jethro."

The door closed behind him and Jenny sighed. It was so much more fun to stay in her office and flirt with her husband than face Kristyn. The last appointment had been draining and right in the middle of the bad week she and Jethro had been having. Even if things were better, much better between them now with the exception of Gibbs' dream Saturday night, Jenny still wasn't a huge fan of therapy. She sighed, gathering her journal and her courage. May as well get it over with, the sooner the better. She left her office and pushed the down button on the elevator, looking forward to her night after the appointment.


	114. Chapter 114

"Hello Jenny," Kristyn greeted her patient with a smile as she opened the door, "how was your weekend?"

Jenny took a seat and smoothed her skirt before answering. "A lot of fun, for the most part."

Kristyn raised an eyebrow. "Well that was cryptic. Want to tell me about the rest of it?"

Jenny shook her head. "Not right now. Later maybe."

Dr. Renway's smile grew. "You must be doing better. You don't normally bargain."

Her patient shrugged. "I'm definitely starting to feel more like my old self."

"That's encouraging," Kristyn commented. "But it also brings up something I wanted to warn you about."

Jenny's forehead wrinkled. "Warn me?"

Kristyn crossed one leg over the other and leaned forward in her chair. "My guess is you've spent the last three weeks waiting for life to go back to normal, back to the way it was before you were raped."

Jenny absorbed the words as if they were a blow. She would never, ever get used to hearing it stated so bluntly like that. It took her a second before she realized the doctor was waiting for her to say something.

"Yes, I suppose you could stay that. I want my life back Kristyn."

Dr. Renway met Jenny's eyes. "I know you do Jenny, but it's never going to be exactly like it was."

Feeling afraid and wanting to argue, cross her arms, or pout like a small child, Jenny settled for a rather petulant, "Why not?"

"Because," she said softly, "with the rape your life changed forever. Things that you did without thinking about them before, will not happen now without you thinking carefully about them. One day, everything you are doing with your husband will be fine, the next day you may have a nightmare or a flashback and it will feel like starting all over again. What you need to focus on now Jenny, is not how to get your life back to normal, but trying to figure out what the new normal is going to be."

Jenny shook her head, not wanting to hear this. "I don't understand."

Kristyn tilted her head and thought for a moment. "Think of it as a line drawn in the sand. On one side is your life before what happened, on the other side, is your life after. Now, the waves will eventually come and wash away that line, but it will always be there. Instead of looking to the one side and wishing for what was, you need to realize that you are standing on the other side and you need to move forward from there. It's about you and your husband building a new life together based on what is, and even if it is painful, leaving the person you were before and how the two of you were together behind."

Jenny didn't know what to say. The therapist's words slowly began to tear away at the dream she'd been holding onto of getting back her life, of her and Jethro being able to be the "them" they used to be. It was all unraveling in front of her and she didn't know what to do. She looked down at her hands, blinking back the tears that threatened to come.

"Will it never be the same?" she whispered finally.

Dr. Renway sighed. "No," she said gently, "not the same. Life will be different, but that doesn't mean it still can't be good or even great. It just means that sometimes you will have to make allowances for the intrusions this experience will continue to make into the new life you are creating."

Jenny took a deep breath. "Okay." There wasn't much else she could say right now. She ventured a glance at her therapist. "Can we talk about something else?"

_That's the second time she's changed the topic today_, Kristyn noted, willing to give Jenny the space she needed to process this new information but unwilling to completely forget about it.

"How has your appetite been over the weekend?" she asked.

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Not exactly the topic I had in mind."

Kristyn smiled. "When we're done, you can tell me what you did have in mind. But I really do need you to answer this question."

Her patient sighed and leaned back against the sofa cushions. "About like usual, sometimes okay and sometimes not so much." She wrinkled her nose. "Saturday my stomach was off in the afternoon and supper..." Jenny shrugged, "I kind of played with it more than ate." Then she frowned. "It was actually kind of frustrating, because Jethro and I were..." she hesitated, not wanting to come right out and say it, "...trying to spend some time together and I ended up getting sick for no reason. Or at least, there was very little warning. Sunday?" Jenny searched her memory. "Sunday Jethro was making sure I ate something for every meal." She shook her head. "He's persistent, I'll give him that."

"Only because he loves you Jenny," Kristyn pointed out and Jenny had to smile.

"Yeah, well, I guess I'll keep him. And yesterday, it was a bad day for everyone, a case involving kids. I don't think any of us ate much at all."

Kristyn recognized the deflection as Jenny tried to include others in her statement to make it sound better. She frowned. "I'm concerned about you just getting sick for no reason on Saturday." She tried to think of a delicate way to ask, knowing conversations about intimacy made Jenny uncomfortable. "Was it triggered by a memory? A touch? Something Jethro might've said?"

Jenny shook her head. "No. Really. There was nothing. One minute we were..." she shifted on the cushion, "umm...enjoying being together and the next I was in the bathroom with my head over the toilet." She offered a small smile. "Jethro was really great about it though, he just did what I needed and didn't make a big deal about it."

There was no way to talk around the subject anymore. "Sometimes, the first couple of times you try to be intimate after the rape, you will get sick. It's your body's way of reconciling something considered trauma with the same something that is supposed to be love. It could also be a repressed memory or emotion that triggered you getting sick without you realizing it. And it can be awkward and embarrassing and make both of you feel badly, but it sounds like that wasn't really a problem." Kristyn smiled. "You're a very lucky woman to have a husband who is so patient and loving."

Jenny nodded at the same time as she registered a complaint. "Sometimes he's a little too patient," she revealed, wanting to share Jethro's dream and it's effects.

"How do you mean?" Dr. Renway asked.

Jenny sighed. "I just...find it frustrating when Jethro looks at me like he wants me, but then he turns away and does nothing." She shook her head. "We've been together a long time and I've never seen him do that before." She chuckled softly. "He doesn't normally have that much self-control when it comes to intimacy, especially when we've gone this long without it."

Kristyn tapped her pen against her pad of paper. "Has he been doing that all along or is this something new?"

"It's something new," Jenny stated firmly. "He's been tempering his desire all along, but after how close we got Saturday night something changed."

Kristyn just waited and Jenny sighed.

"He had a bad dream. Well," she amended, "it must've been a nightmare. I had to wake him from it and then it was like we'd changed roles. He couldn't have me too close because of what he'd dreamed."

"What was the dream about?" Kristyn asked.

"The bunker." Jenny's words were quiet. "He said that he was back and that he could see me and the man hurting me. He could hear me calling for help but he couldn't move to get to me and we couldn't hear him and I didn't know that he was trying to save me." Just repeating Gibbs' words brought up the emotions for Jenny and she swallowed hard. "I mean, I know that must've been awful. I lived it and I know what it looks like, but he's heard the story, he talked to my attacker, he knows what happened. Why would it have such a huge effect on him now?"

Kristyn was quiet for a moment. "There's a big difference between hearing something secondhand and seeing it for yourself," she explained. "If Jethro got a vivid enough picture of what you went through, it makes perfect sense that he will now be afraid of hurting you by touching you or going further and doing something with his desire. He's had a glimpse of the memories you carry and the last thing he wants is to do anything that will bring them up again. He's seen what that does to you."

Jenny didn't look comforted so Kristyn expanded on the information. "I don't know if it helps, but you are not the only couple this has happened to. It's been a very rough few weeks for you two and it's not uncommon for partners to pull away in an attempt to protect you from themselves. You might have to tell your husband that it hurts you more when he stays away versus when he actually does something."

"That makes sense," Jenny said slowly. She was feeling braver and decided to share even more. "It's just so different than the Jethro I know. For example: Sunday morning we were laying in bed before church and just being together. When he mentioned going for a shower, I could see it in his eyes that he wanted to ask me to join him." She could feel her cheeks heat and looked away from Kristyn's gaze. "We haven't...yet, I mean...I'm just not...well," she took a deep breath, "I wasn't sure what my answer was going to be in any event, but I'd rather him ask than just pretend he didn't want it."

"Did that happen more than once?" Kristyn asked.

Jenny nodded. "That same afternoon we'd been," she bit her lip, "kissing for awhile and then he just pulled away. It was like he was stopping us before we even got to the point of wanting to go further." Her expression was open and baffled. "Maybe he doesn't know what it looks like when he wants to be with me, but his face is like a book sometimes and I could just see it. He didn't say anything...maybe he didn't know what to say." She shrugged. "It's just...frustrating when I finally feel like I'm ready to do more and then he isn't."

Kristyn was partly shocked that Jenny had just told her so much, she never would have expected that much candor from her patient. But Jenny had also told her a lot about how much progress she was making without really saying it in words. It was all in how she was talking about intimacy with her husband. There was no fear in her eyes, nothing like how she had looked four weeks ago at their first session.

"Jenny, thank you for sharing that. I have to say, I'm surprised, but glad too. The more I know, the more I can help. I like the way you described how well you know Jethro. If you can tell that he's drawn to you just by the look on his face, that's a very good thing. Part of what is so great about sex between husband and wife is knowing you are desired by the other person." She smiled. "And clearly you know that. It definitely sounds like the two of you have been making some progress. Have you actually made love?"

Jenny averted her eyes. Talking in generalities was one thing, answering a direct query quite another. At last she let out a breath. "No, not really. The first time we tried doesn't count because it shouldn't've happened."

"How are you feeling about sex these days?" Kristyn wanted to know.

Jenny started twisting her rings, something she always did when she was nervous or agitated. "I guess...I don't know for sure. I don't think I'm afraid anymore, but after all that we've been going through and what has happened when we've tried to get there...I'm still a little uncertain."

"That's perfectly normal Jenny," Dr. Renway assured her, "it's a justified feeling given everything you went through. But if I may offer a little advice - don't let what that man did to you take away what you can have with your husband. If you let the fear keep you from trying or the uncertainty push you away from each other, your attacker still has control over you by keeping you from something that should bring pleasure to both you and your husband."

Jenny nodded slowly, hearing the therapist's words but not feeling a need to comment on them.

"That being said," Kristyn continued, "I'm very proud of you for at least trying to be intimate with your husband, for being open and willing, not denying your desire to be with him in spite of everything." She smiled. "I think you guys are going to be just fine. You've survived what I hope is the worst of your healing, what comes next should just seem like small bumps in the road."

Jenny smiled but still remained silent.

Kristyn regarded her carefully. "Friday will be your one month evaluation Jenny. It will be our eighth session together and I'll talk to you about a few things, about your progress and what you are still struggling with. Then I'll decide whether to continue with two sessions a week or see if that should change." She paused. "The evaluation itself won't take up very much time, do you think your husband would be willing to come and sit in on just the first half of your session? I wouldn't mind speaking to him one more time and just touching on a couple of things."

Jenny raised her eyebrows. "Well, I can guarantee you that he likes therapy even less than I do, but since you asked I'm sure he won't mind coming. I think he's glad I have you to help me with the things he doesn't know how to fix."

"I'm glad I can be here Jenny," Kristyn said sincerely. "Now, back on topic. How's the journalling been going?"

Jenny pulled out the blue book and handed it to her therapist. "I thought you might ask."

Kristyn put her pen down and looked briefly at the neat entries, counting four. Then she gave the book back, noticing Jenny's puzzled look. She shook her head.

"I won't read it Jenny, not unless you want me to. It's for you. It's to give that needed release that comes when you put down what's going on in your head and heart. It lets you reflect on the memories and let go of them. You didn't believe me when I told you on Friday and you might not believe me yet, but it will help."

Jenny ran her hand over the cover of her journal and looked up at the doctor. "Thank you Kristyn."

This time, Dr. Renway had a feeling Jenny really meant it.


	115. Chapter 115

"You're kidding, right?" Rachel asked, her eyes wide as she tried to picture her straight laced friend doing something so adventurous. She turned to Jenny. "Is he serious? Did you really go skydiving with him?"

Jenny glared at her husband. "I thought there was a saying, 'what happens on the mission...'? Does that sound familiar?"

Gibbs took another bite of Noemi's casserole and smiled. "I thought there were no secrets between best friends?" Her look said she was going to get him for this later, but he quiet enjoyed how she looked when she was annoyed.

Finally Jenny sighed. "Yes Rach, it happened. But, it was a once in a lifetime thing and no, I will not go with you," she cut her friend off when she saw Rachel's mouth open. Rachel thrived on doing things no sane person would consider.

Rachel frowned. "Well you're no fun."

Jenny laughed. "You've said that a thousand times since we met and yet you're still here."

Rachel rolled her eyes. "Whatever. Be boring. See if I care. I'll just have better stories to tell."

"That's because most of my stories are still classified," Jenny pointed out, picking a carrot out of the casserole mash-up on her plate.

With both husband and best friend covertly watching, Jenny knew she had to at least try to eat something. Tonight it wasn't even her stomach, she just didn't feel like eating. Gibbs and Rachel both kept a close eye on Jenny, what they saw causing concern. Rachel had been there so she didn't want to preach and Gibbs knew the conversation wouldn't go anywhere, even if he was right that she should be eating more. So for the time being they were still at an impasse.

Finally they all pushed back their plates and declared themselves stuffed.

"That was amazing," Rachel stated. "Are you sure I can't just borrow Noemi for awhile?"

"No!" Jenny laughed. "Noemi is mine...umm, ours," she amended when Jethro raised his eyebrows at her. "If you want a housekeeper and cook, you need to find your own."

Rachel sighed. "No room in my apartment for an extra person and no money to pay for them. Too bad. Guess I'll just have to beg meals here sometimes."

Gibbs met Rachel's eyes. "You're always welcome here."

Jenny was surprised, but glad that her husband had accepted her best friend so quickly.

Rachel smiled. "Thank you Jethro. I'll make sure not to wear it out." Before either could protest, she held up a hand. "And believe me, I know it's possible."

There was no dessert tonight which was fine because no one had extra room for it, but Jenny was thinking she should make cookies anyways, just to have around. With three of them the table was cleared, dishes done upon Rachel's insistence, with Gibbs helping her because Jenny refused, and the leftovers put away in no time at all. They retired to the library with mugs of tea and coffee.

Sinking into the soft cushions, Rachel sighed contentedly and looked around. "For the record Jen, I'm super jealous that you have your own library. Most of my books are still in boxes." She sighed. "It's like keeping friends in a closet. I feel really bad."

While Gibbs wasn't quite following, Jenny smiled fondly at her friend. "You and your books Rachel, sometimes I think you'd rather live in them than here."

"It depends on the book," Rachel said as if she thought about this often. "But I guess I'm here for a reason, so there's no point in wanting to be in a world someone else created. Still," she said thoughtfully, "it is nice to get lost in another world once in awhile."

Jenny snorted and explained for Gibbs' benefit. "Once in awhile really means several times a day. You're looking at the person who not only could pass our hardest exams with barely any studying, but she also can read an entire four hundred page novel in a single day. Sometimes she forgot to eat she was so into the story and she certainly didn't notice she had a roommate."

Gibbs did not approach books that way and couldn't quite understand, though Jenny had been known to tune the world out with a novel sometimes.

"We've all got different skills," he said at last, feeling like he really wasn't part of the conversation. When he finished his coffee, Gibbs stood up and walked over to the couch the girls were sharing. Leaning down, he kissed his wife on the cheek and she looked at him questioningly. "Okay if I'm gone for a bit?" he asked. "I'll leave you two to chat."

Jenny nodded, wondering where he was going but assuming it probably had something to do with his boat, which had been neglected of late. "Sure," she agreed. "But don't be gone too long."

"I won't," he assured her. "Nice to see you again Rachel."

"Likewise Jethro," Rachel smiled at him.

Then he left the room, two curious ladies watching him go. As soon as they heard the front door close, Rachel turned to Jenny.

"I hope I didn't scare him off," she said quickly. "Do you think he felt left out?"

Jenny laughed. "Girl talk scares Jethro. I think he feels safer if he's not in the room when there's a possibility that it might happen."

"Oh." Rachel was glad it wasn't all her fault. "Well, I guess that's a healthy fear when it's the two of us in a room together."

"Exactly," Jenny smiled, leaning back on the couch and propping her feet up on the coffee table.

There was comfortable silence between the friends for several minutes. Finally Rachel reached into her pocket and pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper.

"Hey Jen?" she said.

"Mmm?" Jenny responded, waiting for the rest.

"I was reading the other day-"

"Shocking," Jenny murmured.

"And I found some quotes that I thought might help you," Rachel continued as if Jenny hadn't spoken. She was used to the interruptions and just talked through them. Jenny had always felt the need to comment on what she was saying.

"Oh," Jenny looked surprised, and reached for the paper but Rachel held it back.

"Let me read them to you," she said.

"Okay," Jenny agreed.

Rachel cleared her throat. "The first one is from C.S. Lewis. Remember him Jen? He wrote the _Chronicles of Narnia_?"

Jenny nodded vaguely. It was sometimes hard to keep up with all the books Rachel talked about.

"Anyways, it's from a book called _The Problem of Pain_. He said, 'It takes courage to live through suffering, and it takes honesty to observe it.'" She paused to let Jenny hear the words. "The other one is G.K. Chesterton, who was actually one of Lewis's favourite authors. It's something to think about." She squinted at the page, trying to read her own writing which was more of a scrawl most days. "'To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything else seems hopeless.'"

Jenny liked the second quote, baring the mention of forgiveness. "There's a lot of wisdom in that quote," she said finally.

"I think so," Rachel smiled a little, "but I'm biased. I love Chesterton." She fiddled with the end of her ponytail. "Jenny, do you think you could ever forgive the guy who raped you?"

Her friend's eyes widened in shock. "What are you talking about Rachel?"

Rachel looked away for a moment before meeting Jenny's eyes. "Not today and not tomorrow, not this month and maybe not this year, but someday Jenny, you will have to forgive the guy that did this to you. If you don't, it will destroy you on the inside, like it did me," she added softly, her eyes wet. She took a deep breath. "I don't want to see that happen to you."

Jenny looked at her friend sharply. "Rach?" she asked, not sure she wanted to know the truth behind those words.

Rachel fixed her eyes on the pattern of the couch, tracing it with one finger. "It took me ten years to forgive the guy who hurt me Jen. Ten years that I spent hating him and hating what he did to me and after awhile, the hate was too much. It ate me up inside and it hurt so bad," she closed her eyes, "I didn't know what to do, but instead of forgiving, I tried to control the hate, to feel something else. It was the wrong choice."

Jenny didn't like where this was going. "What did you do Rachel?"

Slowly, her friend pulled up the sleeve of her shirt. Jenny had to stifle a gasp when she saw all the thin, white, raised lines, criss-crossing over each other on her friend's skin. Tears filled her eyes as she reached out one finger and ran it gently over the scars.

"Oh Rach," she said softly, "I never knew."

Rachel pulled her sleeve down again. "You weren't supposed to, that was the whole point." She struggled to find words to describe what she'd done. "When you're cutting, you don't let anyone else see. Self-harm is all about control and coping with stuff inside yourself or being so overwhelmed by an event or issue that you just need to feel something, even if it's pain. You don't go around showing people the scars, because they will want to help and they would do that by taking away the only thing that works."

She shrugged, not liking the guilt she saw in Jenny's face. "I didn't show you so you could feel bad Jenny. I just want you to see what the consequence of not forgiving can be." Rachel put her hand over Jenny's, forcing her friend to look at her. "Whatever you do to deal with the rape Jen, please don't hurt yourself. I will always be here to listen and talk, whatever you need. And you have Jethro too. I don't want to see you get hurt anymore than you already are."

Jenny shook her head. She'd never thought about taking her feelings out on herself or adding new scars to the ones that had yet to fade. But she couldn't even think about her own situation, not with what Rachel had just revealed.

"Ten years Rach?" she asked unbelievingly. "I can't...I wish I could've done something. I wish I'd known. I'm sorry."

Rachel smiled. "Doesn't Jethro have a rule about apologies Jen?" But it was still too fresh for Jenny to joke about. "Hey," her friend said, "look at me Jennifer." Reluctantly Jenny met Rachel's eyes. "Stop beating yourself up about not knowing, I mean it. It was a long time ago. I got help. I'll have the scars for the rest of my life, but it's been twelve years since the last time I cut. So stop feeling bad for me."

Being ordered to stop feeling like a horrible friend didn't suddenly make it happen for Jenny. She couldn't believe that Rachel had gone through something like that and she'd never known. But Jenny knew she couldn't change what had already happened. And no matter what, she was determined not to be that far out of the loop again. They were finally a part of each other's lives again, and Jenny hoped they would stay like that for the rest of their lives.

Taking a deep breath, she squeezed Rachel's hand once and then let the issue go. Rachel saw the effort Jenny was making to not fuss over her revelation. Some other time, if she wanted, they could talk more about it. But this time it was about Jenny and Rachel was happy for it to stay that way for awhile.

"So," she smiled brightly at her friend, "anyone for _A Knight's Tale_?"

Jenny's laugh was short but genuine. "Are you kidding me? I haven't seen that movie since college. How many times did we watch it?"

"Only about once a day when we got in the mood for it. Best. Movie. Ever." Rachel declared.

"That may be a slight overstatement," Jenny cautioned.

"Nope," her friend said firmly, "it's just been too long since you've seen it. But lucky for you," she pulled a DVD out of her bag, "I brought it with me."

"We need popcorn," Jenny said, giving in gracefully.

"With chocolate?" Rachel asked hopefully.

"Still haven't outgrown that, huh?" Jenny teased.

Rachel looked offended. "No!"

"Come on," Jenny waved her friend towards the kitchen. "I'm sure I can find a chocolate bar for you to melt. I'll get the popcorn."

"Yes!" Rachel grinned gleefully. "I've missed our chick flick nights."

Jenny wrapped her arm around her friend for a side hug. "Me too Rach, me too."


	116. Chapter 116

A couple hours later Gibbs entered the house and followed the sound of laughter to the kitchen. He raised his eyebrows when he went in and found Rachel and Jenny in the middle of making cookies. One tray was in the oven, another on the counter waiting to go in and they were trying to clean up the mess they'd made getting to that point. Gibbs crossed the room and hooked an arm around his wife's waist, pulling her close to kiss her on the temple.

"Having fun ladies?" he asked.

The two women exchanged glances and burst out laughing again.

"Jethro," Rachel said when she caught her breath, her eyes twinkling, "you're just in time to sample our masterpiece."

Jenny pulled the tray of cookies out of the oven and set it on the stove to cool. Gibbs looked back and forth between her and Rachel.

"Are they safe?" he asked at last.

He was immediately swatted by both women with the towels they were holding.

"Perfectly," Jenny smiled, but the glint in her eyes left him wondering. She moved closer for a moment while Rachel transferred the next tray into the oven. "You're so fun to tease Jethro," she whispered and he wanted to kiss her for the look she was giving him, but they had company.

"Well," Gibbs asked, staring hard at the cookies, "what kind are they?"

Jenny pointed to the first row. "These ones," she rolled her eyes, "are just plain batter. For Miss I-like-chocolate-chip-cookies-as-long-as-they-don't-have-any-chocolate-chips-in-them."

Rachel grinned and shrugged. "Childhood habit, what can I say?"

"These two rows are regular chocolate chip and the last is white chocolate chip. Take your pick."

Gibbs reached for the last kind, biting into the warm cookie. He was pleasantly surprised. "These are really good," he smiled.

Jenny crossed her arms. "You needn't sound so surprised."

He held his hands up innocently. "Hey, with you two in the kitchen, anything could happen."

Rachel had the grace to look sheepish. "He has a point Jen," she said. "Remember the first time we made a roast?"

Jenny winced. "Oh yeah, that."

"This sounds like a story I need to hear," Gibbs put in, leaning back against the counter.

"Well, it was at our first apartment..." Rachel began.

The next half hour was spent with Rachel and Jenny sharing college stories and all three of them sampling every tray of cookies that came out, just in case. When everything was finally cleaned up, Rachel and Jenny hugged goodbye at the front door. Rachel insisted on hugging Gibbs too and he didn't mind this time.

"See you soon Jenny," Rachel smiled. "Thanks for the cookies."

"Thanks for today Rach," Jenny said, giving her friend a meaningful look.

Rachel grinned. "Let me know how it goes. Bye."

Jenny closed the door and Gibbs turned her to face him.

"Let her know how what goes Jen?" he asked, curious.

Shaking her head mysteriously, Jenny took Gibbs' hand and they walked to the livingroom, settling on the couch together.

"Have fun with your boat?" she asked.

Gibbs rubbed the back of his neck. "No boat tonight Jen."

She looked confused. "Then where'd you go?"

Gibbs leaned back, getting comfortable. "Do you remember my friend Bill Reilley?"

The name sounded familiar but Jenny couldn't quite place it. She shook her head. "I'm not sure."

"We were in the Corps together. He was a Gunny, same as me."

Jenny angled her body to see him better. "What about him?" she asked.

"I called Bill a couple weeks ago when things weren't going that great and I didn't know what else to do." He shifted, not meeting her eyes. "At first it was just to blow off steam, but I've been talking to him a couple times a week since then." Gibbs looked at his wife, who was just absorbing all he hadn't told her before.

"Bill and his wife Meredith have been together for almost thirty years, he's had some good advice for me and he's listened even when I didn't know what to say."

Jenny put her hand on Gibbs' cheek and smiled a little. "I'm glad you've had someone to talk to Jethro." But she felt bad that it couldn't be her he was talking to, because it was about her.

Gibbs put his hand over hers. "I was at their place tonight. They'd like to meet you. Bill suggested dinner next week sometime, I said I'd ask you." He looked at her hopefully.

Jenny nodded. "Of course. After how you've welcomed my best friend, I would love to meet an old friend of yours."

"Thank you," Gibbs smiled.

Jenny looked away from her husband then and finally brought up what she'd been thinking about since her session with Kristyn.

"Jethro," she asked, running her fingers slowly through his hair, "is it still bothering you, the dream?"

She expected the way he tensed and didn't look at her. There were many ways Gibbs could answer that question. He and Bill had talked about it tonight and he'd already planned to do the same with Jenny. He had to be honest.

Gibbs sighed and took her hand. "Yes," he answered finally. "Last night helped and I want to thank you again for doing what I needed, I know it wasn't easy. I decided today, I know I need to let the dream go Jen, but it's so hard when all I can think about is what if we did go all the way and I hurt you? I couldn't take that." He looked down at their hands.

"I hate it when I do something that reminds you of the bunker and then you look at me with fear in your eyes. You were never supposed to be afraid of me Jen." Jenny wished she could say something to fix that, but knew it would probably happen again. "I hate that everything I've wanted to do to help you is everything that might make it worse. I'm trying here Jen, I really am, but it's hard, it's so hard to be careful all the time."

The raw honesty and hurt in her husband's words were a jolt for Jenny. Of course she should've expected that being patient and doing what he'd been doing for her would eventually take a toll on him, but she hadn't known how much he was keeping inside.

"I'm sorry Jethro," she said softly, "I know it hasn't been easy. I got a taste this weekend of what it's like for you when I keep you at arms length because of the memories. But I need you to know that it hurts me so much more when you pull away from me, emotionally and physically, than when you actually do things."

Jenny moved closer to him, needing Jethro to really hear her words in his mind and with his heart. "Yes, some things still bother me honey, but that doesn't mean we stop doing everything." She laced her fingers with his. "We need to find the new normal for us Jethro, and I don't know what that will look like yet, but it will always involve you touching me." Jenny closed her eyes. "I still need you, maybe even more than before, because I'm healing now and I want more of this, more of us. I will never not need you." She looked deeply into her husband's eyes, willing him to believe her. "I love you Jethro, and I miss us."

Gibbs felt his heart squeeze at Jenny's words and he stared at her for a long moment before slowly drawing her into his arms, needing to hold her just as much as she wanted to be with him. When they touched, something broke inside of him, like a dam let loose, and all his previous reservations melted away as their lips met. He deepened the kiss after only a few seconds, bringing his hands up to cradle Jenny's head.

Jenny tipped her head back and parted her lips, allowing Jethro access to her mouth. He groaned, tasting her again, but finally had to break the kiss when his lungs protested the lack of oxygen.

She smiled at him and wiped her lips, raising one eyebrow at him. "I guess this means we're okay?"

Gibbs pulled his wife into a hug, his arms tight around her. "Yeah Jen," he said, taking a breath. "We're okay. Or at least, we're working on okay."

Jenny leaned back, that mischievous glint from earlier back in her eyes. "Good," she grinned. "Because I'm calling in that bet you owe me."

"Bet?" Gibbs' eyes widened. "What bet?" Jenny held up her left hand and wiggled her ring finger. "Oh," Gibbs groaned. "That bet." He sighed. "Okay, let's get it over with. What's it going to cost me this time?"

Jenny's bet prizes ranged from work related consequences like being pleasant to the media for a whole week, going a day without headslaps, or giving up coffee, to more personal stuff like painting Jenny's nails, sending her to the spa one weekend, and free massages on demand. Free meaning he didn't get to expect anything afterward. Gibbs shook his head. Yup, definitely dangerous.

Jenny bit her lip, not sure if this was exactly the right time to bring up what she'd decided but also recognizing that she was ready to more forward from her experience one more step.

"I want to go away this weekend," she said finally, "just the two of us. We need to get away from everything here - work, people, my shrink, the press, everything." She shrugged. "I just want to be alone with you Jethro, somewhere nothing else can get in the way and we can get close to the 'us' I want to be."

Gibbs knew exactly what Jenny was implying and found himself torn between desperately wanting it and being apprehensive about what might happen this time. But he was so glad she was initiating the idea and even more thankful that Jenny wouldn't let him get too far away, just like he'd done for her all along.

He held her eyes. "I'd like that Jen."

"No cell phones?" she asked.

Gibbs shrugged. "DiNozzo can be on call for the weekend. McGee and Ziva will keep him in line. You?"

Jenny thought about it. Technically she needed to abide by Rule #3 and never be unreachable. So she compromised. "I'll leave my phone here and only Cynthia will have the number of where we are, under strict orders that the world better be ending if I get a call."

Gibbs leaned in to kiss her again. "Deal."

"Good," Jenny smiled again. "And because it was my idea, I'll let you decide where we go. You make the arrangements and I'll be surprised."

The grin on her husband's face didn't exactly make Jenny feel safe. "Double deal," he said, brushing his lips against hers once more, his mind already running through the possibilities.

Jenny glanced at the clock. "I think it's bedtime Jethro," she suggested.

They fell asleep in each other's arms that night and when Jenny woke in the middle of the night from another bad dream, Gibbs knew they'd made some significant progress. Instead of pushing him away and keeping her distance, Jenny wrapped her arms around her husband, needing the comfort of his touch. She sought his mouth for the reassurance his kiss gave.

Jenny needed their closeness to feel safe now and Gibbs gave it, which was what he'd wanted to do since the beginning. He put her back to sleep by running his fingers through her hair, the soothing motion helping her relax. And Gibbs smiled, because this was how it was supposed to be.

**NCIS**

The team got called out on a case almost as soon as they walked in the doors Wednesday morning and weren't back until early afternoon. When they returned, Tony, Ziva, and McGee immediately began following the usual protocol. Gibbs was headed down to see Ducky when he caught sight of a small silver box on his desk. A folded note was propped up against it.

Gibbs scanned the catwalk but saw no redhead lurking, waiting for his reaction. He sat down and read the note.

_A gift_, it said, _so you never forget. J_.

He set the note aside and lifted the lid off the little box. Inside, nestled on a bed of cotton, was a new set of dog tags. Since he didn't wear his anymore, Jenny had claimed them. She always wore them when he had to be away, saying it kept him close to her heart.

This set though, was special. On one was a picture of Jenny that he'd taken shortly after they were married, leaning against a tree at the park. His name and information was engraved on the other. But on the back of the one with her picture was a scripted message - their promise.

_I love you Jethro,_ it read, _always have, always will. Jenny_.

Gibbs couldn't help but smile as he slipped them over his head, the metal cool on his skin. No, he wouldn't forget. How could he? He woke up to the best and greatest reminder every morning. Picking up his coffee, he continued on his way to go check with their ME, planning to catch his wife sometime today and offer her a proper 'thank you' for the gift.

**NCIS**

It had been a long day, but at least it ended with one more case solved and one more bad guy locked up. Gibbs climbed the stairs to Jenny's office after sending the team home, only to find the door locked. Cynthia had already gone home so Gibbs decided to check the next most logical place.

Jenny met him in the middle of the hall as he was heading to MTAC, already dressed in her coat and carrying her briefcase.

"Hi," he said, greeting her with a kiss.

Jenny leaned into him, sighing, and he chuckled. "Tired?"

She nodded. "But what else is new? I was all ready to go home but got called into MTAC last minute to chat with SecNav briefly."

Gibbs rubbed her back. "Anything wrong?"

She shook her head and they kept walking to the elevator. "No, he was just confirming a rumour he heard."

The down button was already lit and Gibbs took Jenny's hand. "Which one?"

Jenny sighed. "The one where the Director of NCIS marries her senior agent and forgets to mention it to him." Gibbs winced. "Yeah," she laughed. "But it wasn't too bad. He wanted to make sure we could keep it out of the office and it wouldn't affect how I treat your team vs. the others."

Gibbs squeezed her hand and they stepped into the elevator together. "I guess you didn't tell him what we do in your office?" he asked with a smirk.

Jenny shoved his shoulder. "No Jethro, I did not. Some things SecNav doesn't need to know."

"Agreed." He glanced at her, she seemed quieter tonight. Gibbs hadn't seen his wife much today and hoped last night hadn't haunted her. He'd find a way to ask her later. "My place tonight?" he asked.

She met his eyes. "I guess I have been kind of selfish about being at my house lately, huh?"

"Understandable," he replied.

Jenny pulled out her cell phone. I'll call Noemi and tell her not to worry about supper or to freeze it if she's already made something." Then she groaned. "Ohh...if we're at your house tonight we'll have to make supper."

Gibbs frowned. "It's not like we don't know how to cook Jen."

Jenny raised her eyebrow at him. "No. But there's no food at your place right now, so we'll have to go grocery shopping."

"Oh." It wasn't Gibbs' favourite thing either. "Well, I guess it won't kill us."

Jenny smiled. "No. It will probably be good for us actually. We haven't had much practice."

"Alright. I'll talk to your detail, have them meet us at home instead of tagging along to the store."

"Sounds good to me." Jenny was always looking for a reason to escape her security detail's watchful eyes. Though less so since what happened. But she wasn't worried, she'd have the best protection by her side tonight.

They stepped out of the elevator, made their respective calls, and walked hand in hand to Gibbs' car. Time to go be domestic.


	117. Chapter 117

"What about Chinese for dinner tonight Ziva?" Tony asked casually as they finished up their paperwork before leaving for the day .

Ziva looked at him curiously. "I do not recall making plans with you Tony."

His expression fell. "It's Wednesday, movie night?" he reminded her hopefully.

"Tony..." Ziva began, trying to think of a kind way to dissuade him from reviving the past.

Tony walked towards her desk and sat on the edge, facing her. "Come on Zi," he practically begged, "movie night was a tradition, a good one. Don't let it die forever."

Ziva thought he was being slightly dramatic. She raised an eyebrow at him. "Zi?"

Tony's eyes widened when he realized he'd said it out loud and quickly tried to cover. "Umm, yeah, Zi. Like, well, you know, McGeek is Probie, Gibbs is...okay, Gibbs doesn't really count 'cause he's Boss, but then Abby is Abs so you need a nickname too. I was thinking Zi."

"Not Ninja?" she asked casually. He referred to her as one often enough, though Ziva didn't understand why. She had no formal ninja training.

Tony shrugged. "That too, sometimes, but Zi would be more for every day. What do you think?"

Ziva shook her head. "I have not decided yet."

Tony frowned. "Well, how will I know when you have?"

She picked up her backpack and swung her hair around with a grin. "When you call me that and do not get hurt you will know that it is okay."

"And if it's not okay?" Tony swallowed nervously.

Ziva shrugged. "Then I suppose you will get hurt. But only a little."

That did not make Tony feel any better. Who knew what Ziva's version of 'only a little' was? Suddenly he realized she was at the elevator and he grabbed his pack, making it there just before the doors closed.

"So was that a yes to Movie Night?" Tony asked as he slipped inside.

Ziva sighed and gave in. It wasn't as if she had plans or someone waiting for her at home.

"Fine Tony. I will join you for Movie Night."

His eyebrow raised. "And dinner?"

She looked at him as if the answer should be obvious and she was offended that he had asked. "Of course. You must feed me first if I have to spend two hours listening to your commentary on another movie."

"Good." Tony grinned. "And I was thinking we should try something new and actually eat in the restaurant for a change."

Ziva smiled. "Very well. But I'm using chopsticks."

Tony groaned. "What's wrong with forks?"

"That is not how the Chinese eat it," Ziva stated.

"But you're not Chinese," he pointed out, confused.

"What is your point Tony?" Ziva asked.

He shook his head. "Now you're just trying to confuse me." He paused and frowned. "Does this conversation even have a point?"

Ziva elbowed him. "Pay attention Tony."

"I thought I was!" he protested, then shook his head. "Never mind. Meet you there?"

"Yang Chows?" she confirmed.

"Best Chinese place in DC," Tony returned, getting in his car.

"Okay," Ziva agreed, preparing to follow him there.

Tony drove too slowly, too carefully, but she'd eventually teach him the right way to drive. After she taught him how to use chopsticks. It would not be easy, Ziva grinned to herself, but she was never one to back down from a challenge.

**NCIS**

Jenny wandered the aisle of Vaun's Market, while Gibbs followed behind pushing the cart. Periodically she would pick something off the shelf and drop it into the cart.

"What do you think for supper tonight Jethro?" she asked halfway through the store.

Gibbs rolled his shoulders. "I don't know. How about something simple, like pasta?"

Jenny considered that. "I could make my mom's homemade sauce," she said.

Gibbs looked excited. "With meat?"

Jenny smiled indulgently. "Alright Jethro, with meat."

He nodded. "Good."

Fresh produce soon took up residence in their cart, along with the other ingredients Jenny needed. Ground beef from the meat section soon followed, as well as several steaks because Gibbs insisted. Jenny just shook her head at him. Necessities like milk and bread were next, though Jenny wasn't sure if they'd be at Gibbs' house long enough this week to use it before it went bad.

She made a note to herself to try to spend more time at Jethro's place next week. When they first got married, they had a schedule of switching houses every weekend and spending at least two days a week at his house. But over the last month that had completely fallen to the wayside. _Time to get back to routine_, Jenny thought determinedly.

Finally they had what they needed and lined up at the front of the store. Their cashier was a young girl named Melanee. She was very friendly and chatted with both Jenny and Gibbs while she efficiently rang through and packed their groceries in cloth bags.

"That's a pretty ring Ma'am," Melanee smiled, pointing to Jenny's engagement ring.

Jenny held out her hand so the girl could get a better look at it. "Thank you," she said, glancing at her husband and noting the pleased look on his face.

"Y'all been married for awhile?" Melanee asked, typing in the produce codes with barely a pause.

"Going on eight months," Gibbs answered.

Melanee grinned. "That's cool." One of the steaks scanned twice and the cashier frowned. "Sorry, just a sec," she told Jenny. Picking up her phone, the girl paged a manager.

"Problem?" Jenny asked.

Melanee shrugged. "Anything over $10 can't be voided without authorization. Sorry about this." She waited, looking anxious, until an older woman with gray hair appeared and scanned her manager card.

"Thanks Nancy," the girl smiled. "Back in business."

When the total came up there was a tie between Gibbs and Jenny as they both shoved their credit cards at the cashier. Melanee's eyes widened and she looked back and forth between them. Gibbs wasn't quite giving her The Stare but he was close. Finally Melanee reached out and took Gibbs' card. He grinned triumphantly at Jenny who just barely contained the urge to stick her tongue out at her husband.

"Sorry Ma'am," Melanee's expression was apologetic. "But my dad says the guy should always pay. And I don't get in the middle of couple fights."

Jenny smiled. "That's alright Melanee. I'll just be quicker next time." They shared a look.

When Gibbs pushed the cart through to load the bags, he pointed at the girl. "Never apologize Melanee. It's a sign of weakness." He winked at Jenny. "Rule 6."

Melanee raised her eyebrows. "Somehow I don't think my mom would agree with that."

"Oh," Gibbs said seriously, "that rule most definitely does not apply to moms."

Melanee nodded thoughtfully, then threw him a grin. "What about brothers?"

Gibbs laughed. "Yup, it works for brothers."

"You got a rule for everything?" she asked, handing Gibbs the receipt to sign.

"For almost everything," Jenny put in.

Gibbs was remembering when he'd asked Shannon the same question. She was the reason the rules had started. He wasn't sure if he'd told Jenny that. She tended to try not to ask about his first family and Gibbs mostly kept their memory close to his heart. But he and Shannon had been married for ten years, they'd had a life together, one he hadn't willingly given up. Gibbs wondered if there were things Jenny wanted to know or if his memories would hurt her. He could imagine it wasn't always easy to not be his first love. Maybe he would ask her sometime.

Seeing the faraway look in her husband's eyes, Jenny nudged him gently. "Jethro," she said softly, "come on. Mel's got other customers."

Melanee shrugged. "No worries." She gave Jenny the receipt and smiled at the couple. "See you later. And if y'all decide to have kids, I love to babysit."

Because it was the appropriate response, the couple chuckled and Gibbs said quickly, "We'll keep that in mind." But kids was a subject that couldn't be spoken of right now, so they didn't.

Less than ten minutes later they finally made it back to Gibbs' house and dragged all their grocery bags into the kitchen.

Jenny dropped everything she was holding on Gibbs' kitchen table. "Whew!" she said, smiling. "We should go shopping for your place more often. We had to restock almost everything."

Gibbs shrugged. "The steaks are the most important."

Jenny raised an eyebrow. "I thought we were having pasta for supper?"

"We are. I'm just saying, if we re-stock, we could just get steak and I'd be happy."

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Contrary to popular opinion, there is more to life than steak."

Gibbs' eyes were serious. "I know. It's just one of the good parts."

"At least you have a short list of priorities Jethro," Jenny said finally. "Could you please brown the beef while I get the other sauce ingredients together?"

Gibbs kissed her cheek. "As you wish," he said softly and Jenny looked after him with shining eyes.

The next half hour was a peaceful one for them. No longer Agent and Director they got to enjoy being simply husband and wife. Arms, fingers, and bodies brushed casually against each other as they moved around the kitchen, making the meal together. At last Jenny turned the pasta off and lifted a spoonful of the sauce up, blowing on it gently.

"Want to try it Jethro?" she asked.

Gibbs left the salad he was finishing on the other counter and moved towards her. Carefully he tasted the still hot sauce.

"Mmm, that's real good Jenny," he told her, meaning it. He knew better than to lie to her about her cooking. She'd know.

Jenny looked at him questioningly. "It isn't missing anything?"

Gibbs tried a bit more and shook his head, then stopped, lowing her mouth to hers. "It might've been missing a little something," he murmured, kissing her again.

Jenny dropped the spoon back in the pot, stepping into her husband's arms. "I didn't know that was part of the recipe," she said softly.

Gibbs leaned down, brushing his lips against her ear as he whispered, feeling the shiver that ran through her. "Oh, that's the most important ingredient Jen. Don't you think?" Then he stood up straight and headed back to finish the salad. Glancing over his shoulder, Gibbs saw Jenny still standing there. "Jen, your sauce is burning."

Jenny snapped out of it and turned back to stir the sauce. She frowned at him. "That was mean Jethro," she complained.

Gibbs grinned. "Gives you something to look forward to later."

Jenny glared just for good measure, though on the inside she was smiling because she loved the promise of 'later'. It had been so long since she had been excited about that.

Within a few minutes the two were settled at the kitchen table, a couple candles flickering in the middle and the lights dimmed.

"What do you think Jethro?" Jenny asked after her first bite, loving how the taste of her mom's spaghetti sauce brought back good memories of a happy childhood.

Gibbs reached across the table, stroking Jenny's wrist with his finger. "It's perfect Jenny."

She smiled. The silence felt warm and enveloped them like a cozy blanket. Gibbs and Jenny mostly let their eyes and expressions do the talking. It was a language which they knew quite well and had spent years practicing. Now they could almost have an entire conversation without saying a single word.

_I love you_, his eyes said.

_I know_, her smile responded. _Always?_ an arched eyebrow asked.

_Of course_, his dip of the head confirmed.

_Thank you for asking_, her thumb rubbing over her ring said.

_I couldn't be happy without you_, eyes answered seriously.

After awhile Jenny tilted her head to the side and met her husband's eyes. "Jethro," she asked, "are we okay?"

Gibbs' face registered surprise. "Why Jenny?" She looked away and shrugged. "Come on," he nudged her hand with his, "you asked for a reason. What is it?"

Jenny sighed. "It's just...things have been so up and down with us since what happened and for so long there was no such thing as a normal day. But this week," she looked up at him again, hope glowing in her green eyes, "it's been everything it should be." She tried to find words to explain the thoughts in her head. "But I know a couple of day of okay doesn't erase nearly a month of roller coaster emotions and moments that have been all over the place. I just wondered if we're still okay, after everything." Jenny wrinkled her nose. _I shouldn't've opened my mouth_, she thought. _That sounded way better in my head_.

Gibbs shook his head slowly and raised her hand to his lips for a kiss. "I love you Jenny, no matter what our days look like. But this week has been a nice treat." He met her eyes, confidence in his. "We're okay babe. I'd tell you if we weren't."

"No," Jenny smiled at him, "first you would try to pretend nothing was wrong, then you would hide it. When it finally got in the way, then you'd say something if I didn't first."

Gibbs shrugged. "You never know Jen, things have been changing this month. Maybe being more honest right away about stuff I'm thinking or feeling about us will be one of my new normals."

Jenny's eyes held all the thankfulness she didn't need to use words to express. She loved being loved by him. Just as every day of their marriage had been, Jethro was her very own miracle.

When supper was over and all the leftovers had been put away, they left the dishes soaking in a sink full of hot soapy water. They might not get washed tonight, but at least the food wouldn't get dried on. Jenny leaned against the doorway of the livingroom and watched her husband set the alarm and lock the door.

"Time to get back to the boat?" she asked.

"Want to join me?" Gibbs said instead of answering directly.

She shook her head, rolling her neck a little. "My body's feeling a little achy tonight. I think I need to soak in the bath for awhile."

Biting back the words he wanted to use to invite himself, Gibbs tried not to think how much he wanted to join Jenny in the bathroom. Again he told himself not to push her or press her, but just to let her healing happen and her comfort level with him, and them together, return at it's own pace.

"Okay," he nodded, not exactly looking at her. "I'll see you in a little while then?"

Jenny walked past him and squeezed his hand gently. "I'll come down."

Gibbs immediately headed for his basement, planning to get some bigger work done on the boat before his wife was done with her bath. They usually sanded the boat together. Strange how intimate manual labour could become when one combined a shadowy basement with a beautiful redhead and their bodies pressed together while he guided her hands along his boat. Just thinking about it was bringing back memories that Gibbs couldn't afford to focus on. No point in hoping for something that wasn't a sure thing yet.

Upstairs in their bathroom Jenny added several drops of her favourite bubble bath to the tub and turned on the water. While she waited for it to fill, she changed into her silky, flowered robe and let her hair out of the clip holding it up. Once the water nearly came to the top of the tub, she discarded the robe and sank gratefully into the hot water, closing her eyes as she rested her head back on the edge.

The hot water felt good to her tired, stressed body and she stretched out, her small frame taking up the length of the bathtub. It was peaceful in the empty room, just Jenny and her thoughts, which for once were not focused on everything that had happened. She was thinking about supper and how she loved making a meal with her husband. She thought back to going grocery shopping and their conversation with Melanee.

Even her brief meeting with SecNav hadn't been terrible and Jenny was glad to have everything out in the open now. No secrets, no hiding, no sneaking around. They could finally just be them, albeit a little subdued at work unless they were enclosed in the safety and relative privacy of her office.

Jenny lay there until the water started to cool and she lifted one hand, smiling at the wrinkled skin of her fingers. "I guess I'm done," she said before realizing she was talking to herself.

She grabbed her towel and wrapped it around herself, shivering when the cool air hit her wet skin. She drained the tub and then decided to jump in the shower quick to rinse off. While she was under the hot spray, Jenny reached for the shampoo and washed her hair too. It would be one less thing that she'd have to do tomorrow morning, she might even get to sleep for an extra ten or fifteen minutes. Wouldn't that be a treat?

Back in their bedroom, Jenny pulled on an old t-shirt and a pair of comfy pants, adding slippers to her feet simply because the basement floor wasn't always safe for bare feet. She descended the basement stairs minutes later, fresh and clean with a smile on her face and damp red hair hanging down her back.

"Can I help?" she asked brightly.

"Sure," Gibbs smiled, not able to stop himself from taking her hands and drawing her closer to him. "Here, let me show you how."

Jenny rolled her eyes at her husband, but let him place his hands over hers, his arms coming around her, even though this is about the thousandth time that he'd "demonstrated" how to sand the boat properly. Jenny rested her weight back against Gibbs' chest, the feel of his hands over hers so familiar. They didn't speak a word, the only sound that echoed in the darkened room a soft scraping noise of fine sandpaper over nearly smooth wood.

Them being that close together and just sanding doesn't last long though. It wasn't too many minutes before she could feel the tension begin to build in his body and finally Gibbs put his hands on her arms and turned her around to face him, taking a small step forward so she was pressed gently against the hull. Before she knew it his mouth was on hers, kissing her, and Jenny welcomed the caress, this moment one that had been played out a hundred times before.

"Close your eyes Jenny," Gibbs whispered, running his fingers over her face and his hands down her body, "let me show you what love feels like."

She only hesitated a moment before she obeyed, closing her eyes and focusing on the small things - the softness of his lips, the way their noses brushed lightly against one another as their heads tilted to better control the kisses, his fingers rubbing gentle circles along her sides as they moved slowly lower and lower.

Gibbs slipped his hand under Jenny's shirt while he kissed her. She jerked a little but relaxed as his fingers slid along her bare skin, heating it wherever he touched. Gibbs understood her reaction. Even though he'd touched her before, and many times this month, he'd been touching her all along, before it had always been on top of her clothes, their skin to skin contact limited to the one bath they'd taken together and the night after the kidnapping case.

With his hands spanning her waist, suddenly Gibbs could feel a difference in Jenny's body and it worried him. He pulled back from kissing her.

"Jen?" he looked at her questioningly.

"What?" Jenny's eyes were unfocused, her voice breathy.

He ran his hand down her sides again, around her back and across her stomach, following the curves under her shirt that were sharper now than they'd been a month ago. Then he stood back and looked at her body.

"You've lost weight."

She shrugged. "Maybe a little." Jenny tried to get him back to what they were doing before but he didn't like what he was seeing now.

"How much Jen?" Gibbs asked, frowning.

"I don't know."

"And I don't believe you," he snapped. "How much?"

"It's not like I'm keeping track Jethro!" she protested. She shook her head. "Ten, maybe? Or something close to that."

"You were fine before Jen. You didn't need to lose any weight."

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Jenny was frustrated. "I can't help that I don't want to eat, that food makes me feel sick. And I'm not really hungry anyways," she insisted. Tugging him back close to her, Jenny's eyes looked up into his, pleading with him. "Please Jethro," she begged, "just kiss me like you were. I'm alright. You don't have to worry." She put her hands around his neck and pulled him back down to her lips.

_Oh Jen_, Gibbs thought as he melted into her again, _but I am worried for you_.

Trying to forget, he let himself get lost in the pleasure of kissing Jenny. But every time his hands fell to her hips, he thought about it again. He wasn't comforted by her assurances, they were all lies even if she believed them to be the truth. He wished he could make her take care of herself, but he couldn't. Only she could do that and Jenny wasn't there yet.

Leaning back, Gibbs stared into her eyes for a long moment, then captured her lips again, kissing her hard, hoping it would convey how much he cared for her. Right now it seemed to be all he could do.


	118. Chapter 118

1000, bullpen.

"Where's that dang warrant?" Gibbs demanded. "We wait any longer and we may as well give this guy a one way ticket to Mexico."

McGee waved a folded piece of paper. "Just came down from Legal Boss."

"Grab your gear!" Gibbs announced, taking his gun from the drawer and glancing hopefully up at the catwalk on his way to the elevator.

He knew Jenny wouldn't be there, she'd told him earlier that she would be stuck in MTAC most of the day. Still he checked, just in case. Gibbs was planning to drop in and take her coffee later, providing the suspect they were on their way to arrest didn't make things difficult.

Fifteen minutes after the warrant came through, Team Gibbs pulled up in front of 214 Mackanee Drive. The one level bungalow with pale blue siding looked innocent enough, but even so all four stayed alert as they walked up the path. They knew anything could happen.

Gibbs knocked on the front door. "Federal Agents, warrant." He waited a beat but nothing. Giving their guy one more chance, Gibbs pounded on the door again. "Federal Agents, warrant! Open up!"

Silence, and then a crash, the tell-tale sound of attempted escape. Four guns were drawn almost in the same second and Gibbs motioned to Tony and Ziva with two fingers, sending them around back. He nodded at McGee, kicking in the door in one swift motion and going left as soon as they entered, McGee checking the right side. They moved down the call to start clearing the rooms.

Around back Tony opened the gate and Ziva went in first, gun up. The guy made a dash for the fence at the back of the yard and she ran after him, grabbing him by the collar and yanking him down. He kicked at her as soon as his feet hit the ground and Ziva ducked, then hooked her foot behind his ankle and took him down, on her knees with her gun to his chest before the guy could even blink.

"Ohh...who are you guys?" he groaned.

"NCIS," Ziva said through gritted teeth, "Don't move."

Tony stood there grinning, his gun still pointed at the suspect's head. "I'd listen to her if I were you." He winked at Ziva. "That's my ninja."

Ziva looked at him, one eyebrow raised and Tony paled for a second, having not meant to say that out loud. He stammered. "Umm...I mean, good job Zi."

Her glare didn't clearly spell out what she thought of the nickname but since he didn't immediately end up in pain, Tony took that as an okay.

Gibbs and McGee came out to the backyard as Ziva was handcuffing their guy. Gibbs shook his head.

"You really shouldn't've run Marco," he said, "you're lucky to be alive." He nodded at Ziva. "She's Mossad."

**NCIS**

"So, what's on deck today?" Gibbs asked, dropping into the seat next to his wife in MTAC.

Jenny was focused on the screen. "Anti-terror op we've been putting together for weeks. We finally got our opening."

"How's it going?"

The screen showed a crowded city sidewalk, the camera following a dark haired man in a long tan coat who was talking on his cell phone.

Jenny shrugged. "So far, so good. We're trying not to tip him off. I need him to lead us to whoever is on the other end of that call."

Gibbs watched as Jenny reached for the mug beside her. It seemed she'd cut coffee out completely and was going with tea today. Maybe her no caffeine idea was working though, he didn't think she'd had one of her headaches since Saturday.

"Our suspect?" Jenny asked, finally tearing her eyes away from the screen.

Gibbs grinned. "Tried to run. Ziva took him down. He's sitting in lock up right now."

"Good," Jenny nodded. She glanced over and watched with longing as Gibbs brought the coffee cup to his lips. "Jethro..."

Gibbs handed her the cup. "You sure it's worth a headache Jen?"

Jenny swirled the dark liquid around. "Just one tiny sip." She closed her eyes as if she'd just tasted manna from heaven.

He smiled knowingly. "Want me to leave it?"

Momentarily tightening her grip on the cup, Jenny sighed, shook her head, and relinquished the coffee. "Better not." She smiled at her husband. "You're very sweet to offer though."

"That's me," Gibbs said a little sarcastically. "Sweet." He frowned at her. "Don't let it get around."

She chuckled and squeezed his hand. "It'll be our secret." Jenny looked around, noting that everyone else seemed to be occupied for the moment. She lowered her voice. "So...were are we going this weekend?"

Gibbs stroked her fingers while he took a moment to think. He hadn't actually booked anything yet, but he had something in mind he thought Jenny would like. "Somewhere with a change of pace," he finally settled on.

"Is it warm and tropical?" Jenny asked with an alluring smile.

"Not just for the weekend Jen," Gibbs laughed, "but maybe some other time."

Jenny's eyebrows shot up. "Can I hold you to that?"

Gibbs was surprised. They never really went away and it wasn't something they ever talked about either. Both had traveled all over the world with their various jobs and they tended to stay close to home of late.

"Would you like to go away like that sometime Jen?" he asked.

Jenny tipped her head and looked at him. "It's every woman's dream Jethro. Somewhere warm and romantic with the love of her life."

Gibbs wanted to kiss her but there were too many people around. Instead he settled for a promise. "Tell you what. On our five year anniversary, the present is your pick. I'll take you anywhere you want Jen."

"Really?" Jenny's eyes were dancing. Even if it was almost four years away, the were so many possibilities.

He nodded. "Really. I promise."

Jenny shook her head. "I don't forget promises Jethro."

"I know."

"Okay," she grinned delightedly, "deal. Oh," suddenly her expression changed, "I completely forgot."

Gibbs shrugged. "Forgot what?"

Jenny rolled her eyes. "I think my memory is full of holes these days. When I was with Kristyn on Tuesday she asked if you could come to my Friday session. It's going to be an evaluation and she just wanted to discuss a few more things with us. Think you can make it?"

Gibbs thought about it. "Friday's when we're leaving, so that should work. We can get out of here right after your session is over."

Jenny tapped her finger against his. "She said you only had to stay for part of it."

"That'll leave me with time to give the troops their marching orders," Gibbs decided.

Jenny sighed. "I hope everything is still in one piece when we get back."

"Don't worry Jen," he assured her, "we need this time away, just for the two of us."

She leaned her shoulder against his. "I'm not trying to get out of it. I just want to know where we're going."

Gibbs huffed. "Not telling. Unless you want to tell me what my Christmas present is?" His expression lit up expectantly.

"Never," Jenny laughed and he loved to see the light in her eyes.

"Then I guess you'll have to wait and see," he said firmly.

Jenny frowned. "Fine," she pouted.

He barked a laugh. "You learned that from Abby."

"But it doesn't work, does it?" Jenny replied forlornly.

Gibbs shook his head slowly. "I've worked with her for almost ten years Jenny. I've almost gotten immune to the faces."

"Liar," Jenny grinned. "You're still and always will be a big pushover when it comes to Abby."

He shrugged. "What can I say? Dads are always like that with their girls."

It took a second for the words to sink in and then Jenny's eyes got very serious. "Are they really?" she asked quietly.

Gibbs sighed, weaving his fingers with hers for a moment. "They are Jen," he said heavily. "And I will tell you sometime, if you want to know, but not here."

Jenny nodded slowly and put her hand on his cheek briefly. "Alright Jethro." She glanced up at the clock and smiled a little. "You better get back their and supervise, no telling what kind of trouble they can get into when you're not around."

He held her eyes as he stood up. "See you later Jen."

No matter what happened, it seemed that Jenny's eyes never stopped expressing her love for him. "Later then." And she watched as he walked out the door, realizing that she was only just beginning to know this man and Jenny was glad she would have a lifetime with him to learn all of his secrets about the past that haunted him.

**NCIS**

McGee's phone rang while he was finishing up his report from their morning arrest. "Special Agent McGee," he answered crisply.

"Tim?" It was Abby's voice and she didn't sound happy.

McGee put his pen down and gave her his full attention. "What's wrong Abby?"

She sighed. "My baby is broken."

He frowned. "Broken how?" Abby could fix pretty much everything that went wrong with her computer, she didn't often need his help.

Abby gave a frustrated huff. "I don't know McGee, that's why I called you! I've defragged it, and restarted it, cleaned up all the background files, and compressed the drives. I don't know what's going on. I keep getting these stupid error messages and it won't let me do anything!" She stamped her foot on the floor. "Will you come?"

McGee saw Gibbs coming down the stairs and stood up. "I'll try Abbs, just pray Gibbs is in a decent mood."

"See you in five," she said optimistically, a small smile gracing her lips.

McGee hung up the phone. "Uh Boss? Abby's having computer problems. Can I run down to the lab and help her out?"

Gibbs regarded McGee with a stare. "This better not be an excuse McGee," he warned.

The agent shook his head. "No Boss."

Gibbs sat down at his desk and nodded. McGee started towards the elevator before he was stopped. "Report first."

Tim grabbed the papers off his desk and deposited them on Gibbs'. "Thank you Boss."

"No funny business McGee," Gibbs warned.

Tim nodded and then he was gone.

"Hey Abbs," he said a minute later.

She rushed to him for a hug and he held her tight, rubbing her back soothingly. When she turned around, Abby pointed disgruntledly at the innocent looking computer on her desk. "Fix it," she demanded.

McGee kept hold of her hand until he had to use the keyboard. "Let's take a look at it Abby," he said calmly, smiling at her, "there's no computer that can stand against the two of us together."

Abby grinned, getting her mojo back with those words. "Okay Merlin, let's go!"

**NCIS**

Later that afternoon a man walked into the bullpen looking very self-important. After a moment, Gibbs looked up.

"Help you with something?" he asked gruffly.

"Senator Matheson," the man said even though no one had asked. "I'm looking for Director Shepard."

Seeing the look on Gibbs' face, Tony took over, giving directions. "Up the stairs, first door on your left."

Not bothering with common courtesies like 'thank you', the man went straight for the stairs, Gibbs' glare following him. Jenny was just coming out of her office and met the senator mid-route. He flashed at smile at her and only because Gibbs was watching did he see the momentary flash of annoyance that crossed Jenny's face before she schooled her features into the appropriate 'Director' expression complete with fake smile. He bit back a grin.

"Senator Matheson," she greeted him, holding out her hand. "What can I do for you?"

The senator took Jenny's hand and kissed it instead of shaking it, holding it several beats too long for casual contact. All three agents' eyes darted to Gibbs, noticing the way his neck was starting to go red. Jenny crossed her arms, making sure her left hand was on top, wiggling her finger so the diamond caught the light.

"I am in need of your assistance Director Shepard," Senator Matheson began, then he shook his head. "I dislike all this 'Senator', 'Director', stuff, much too formal. I'm James. Maybe I call you Jenny?"

One of Jenny's perfectly manicured eyebrows arched in disbelief. "What is your dilemma Senator?" she asked cooly, emphasizing his title.

The man looked around. "Not here. It's too crowded. How about you join me for dinner tonight? We can discuss everything there."

Jenny suppressed a frown. The senator was not getting the message. Such obvious flirtation! She tapped her fingers against her cheek, making her rings very visible to him. But the man kept standing there, staring at her expectantly. Gibbs had had enough of watching another man flirt with his wife. He pushed out of his chair and took the steps two at a time, reaching Jenny's side seconds later. Pulling his cell phone off his belt, he held it to her ear momentarily, then flipped it shut.

"Director," he said too loudly, "you're wanted in the lab."

James frowned at Gibbs. "We're in the middle of something," he began, but Gibbs shook his head.

"I'm afraid it's urgent." He took Jenny's elbow and turned her away from the senator, who stood in the middle of the hallway gawking at them. "Director, if you'll come with me."

"Special Agent Gibbs?" Jenny asked, and her expression was difficult to read.

Within thirty seconds they were in the elevator and as soon as the car was between floors, Gibbs hit the emergency stop switch.

Jenny faced him, her arms crossed. "Do you want to tell me what that was all about Jethro? You can't just take me away from a meeting like that."

"Don't like him," Gibbs muttered.

Jenny rolled her eyes. "Not good enough this time."

"He wasn't taking the hint Jen!" Gibbs exploded. "Don't tell me you didn't notice the way he was looking at you!"

Jen raised an eyebrow at him. "And what way would that be?"

Gibbs glared at her. "Like he was thinking things about you that he had no right to be thinking." He faced the doors. "I can't just watch another man flirt with my wife!" He was angry and frustrated that it didn't seem to bother Jenny as much as it bothered him.

"Jethro," Jenny said very softly, "look at me."

Reluctantly Gibbs turned back to her Jenny put her warm hands on either side of his face and looked right into his eyes.

"You have nothing to worry about," she whispered, "the rest of the world may not care, but I know I'm yours and that's all that matters."

She leaned forward and kissed him gently and Gibbs melted into her, pulling her body against his and deepening the kiss. When they finally let go, Gibbs sighed and rested his forehead against Jenny's.

"I love you Jen," he breathed.

She smiled. "I love you too. And you're the only one for me. Remember that." Stepping away, she brushed her hands down her suit. "Can I got back to work now?"

Gibbs was thinking back to their first few months of marriage, when she had said the same thing. He grinned and tugged her back to him. "Could you tell me just one more time?"

Jenny smiled and kissed her husband again, slowly, making sure he wouldn't forget.


	119. Chapter 119

"Hey Abs," Gibbs said, coming into the lab around quitting time and bearing gifts of the Caf-Pow nature. "Get your computer glitch fixed?"

Abby nodded while sucking on the red straw. "We did Gibbs. Thanks for loaning me Timmy. He can make computers do anything."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. "So can you Abby."

She conceded the point. "But another set of eyes and another pair of hands never hurt." Looking at Gibbs for a moment, she crossed her arms. "So Bossman, what brings you to Labby this evening? I know it's not a case."

Gibbs came closer and leaned against the evidence table facing her. "Can't fool you, huh Abs?"

She shook her head slowly. "You brought me Caf-Pow, so I'm being buttered up for something." Abby narrowed her eyes. "Spill."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out a small square of folded paper. Tapping it against his hand for a moment, Gibbs wondered if this was the best plan. Abby wasn't exactly the best at keeping secrets. Still, he knew she'd do anything for him, same as he would for her.

"Out with it Gibbs," Abby demanded impatiently.

Gibbs sighed. "I wrote this for Jenny," he said slowly and Abby's eyes widened. "But it doesn't look that great in my scrawl. I was hoping you could write it out nice for me, in that calligraphy stuff you use." He shrugged. "I want it to be special."

Completely serious now, Abby held her hand out for the paper. Unfolding it carefully, she skimmed over the words and her eyes flew back to Gibbs.

"Wow," she said softly, "who knew you could be so romantic my fearless leader?"

Gibbs shook his finger at her. "This never gets out," he said sternly. "My reputation would be shot and you would be living a Caf-Pow free existence. Do you understand?"

Abby tried to hide her smile. "Loud and clear Papa Bear," she replied at once.

"McGee doesn't see it either," Gibbs added.

Abby pouted for a second but a stare put her smile back in place. "Yes sir...Boss...Gibbs," she said sweetly.

Leaning in, Gibbs kissed her cheek. "I need it for tomorrow. Thanks Abs."

**NCIS**

Tony and Ziva finally turned off their desk lights and packed up their stuff to go home. They'd had surprisingly little interaction today and Tony hadn't teased or annoyed her in hours. He wasn't sure what was wrong with him. Tony watched her run a hand through her hair, finally released from the tight ponytail it had been in earlier.

He thought back to last night and remembered how her hair felt draped across his arm while they slouched comfortably on the couch, watching _Back to the Future_. He'd had to explain almost everything that happened, because she didn't understand. But it was a great movie and starting a series meant he had her promise to show up for movie night at least until they'd finished all three movies. It was something to look forward to.

Ziva was wondering if Tony's uncharacteristic silence meant that he was secretly plotting something big, and was careful to check all of her belongings for possible tampering, just in case. They'd enjoyed spending Movie Night together again, even if she'd determined that so far, he was completely incompetent with chopsticks. It would be a very long work in progress before he could actually pick up food with them.

As she was leaning over to pick up her backpack, several curls fell in front of her face. When she reached up to push them back, Tony suddenly appeared at her elbow, startling her. Ziva looked up and his eyes were level with hers. He brushed his finger softly down one of the curls.

"You have really soft hair," he whispered, then continued to the elevator as if nothing had happened.

Ziva watched after him, confusion overtaking her. What was that all about? And she'd been too surprised to even say anything about it. Maybe she was getting soft. Or maybe it was Tony. Either way, she needed to keep a closer eye on him, for now at least.

**NCIS**

Gibbs tapped on Jenny's open office door. "Ready to go home Jenny?"

She was scribbling something in a file, her purple glasses perched on her nose and making her look very studious. Jenny sighed and looked up, fatigue written all over her face.

"I wish I could," she said wistfully, "but," she spread her hands out and gestured to the top of her desk, "I got absolutely flooded with files and case reports and new agent applications today. I'll be at this a couple more hours at least."

Gibbs sat down on her couch. "I can stay for awhile and keep you company," he said.

Jenny smiled at something. "That's a lovely offer Jethro, but you'd be bored to death and I would be distracted."

He grinned, looking very pleased with himself. "Can't keep your eyes off me, huh Jen?"

She narrowed her gaze at him. "Don't make me show you how long I can ignore you," she warned. The last time had been in the former Czech Republic and it had lasted for three days before Gibbs had caved.

Gibbs held up his hands in surrender. "Okay Jen, we won't go there." He watched her roll her neck and moved to stand behind her chair, slowly working his fingers into the tight muscles in her neck and shoulders.

"Jethro," she tried to protest, but his fingers felt so good on her skin. Jenny's eyes fell closed of their own accord and the pen dropped out of her fingers while Gibbs worked his magic on her muscles.

Gibbs enjoyed the peace in the silence of Jenny's office. He kneaded each knot carefully but firmly until they loosened, loving how she responded to his touch. Jenny's drooped her head further forward and let her husband do what he excelled in. She nearly moaned in pleasure as tense muscles slowly relaxed and the tension began to drain out of her body.

As a last touch, Gibbs placed two soft kisses on her neck and Jenny leaned back, opening her eyes and looking up at him.

"Thank you Jethro," she whispered.

Gibbs dropped a kiss on her nose before spinning her chair around to kiss her properly. Jenny's hands came up to frame his face and for a moment they just drank each other in. When they pulled back to breathe, she grinned at him.

"Now I really wish I was coming home with you."

Gibbs' eyebrows rose. "I'll do your back," he offered, trying to bargain.

Jenny really wanted to say yes. But unfortunately, being Director meant she didn't get to keep regular hours and she couldn't always go home at the end of the day, no matter how much her husband plied her with tempting offers.

She pushed him away gently. "Go home Jethro. I love you, but I can't concentrate with you that close." Jenny waved her hand at him. "I really need a couple more hours to get some of this done. I don't want to have anything left to nag at me while we're away this weekend."

Gibbs sat on the edge of her desk. "Compromise," he suggested. "You bring all...this," he gestured to her paperwork, "home and do it in the study. I'll bring you tea and then get out of your hair so you can get things done. How's that?"

Jenny watched Gibbs' eyes. He was really adamant about this. "You don't want to go home without me, do you?" she asked, finally getting it.

He sighed and took her hand, brushing his thumb over the back. "I just like it better when I know you're safe Jen," Gibbs admitted.

Jenny nodded slowly and stood up, beginning to put things in piles so she would keep track of what was where. "Okay Jethro, but you have to carry the box of files."

Gibbs smiled, loving her for letting him worry. "I think I can handle that Jen."

True to his word, as soon as Jenny was settled in the study, Gibbs put the kettle on and made her tea, taking care to get it just right. He'd had a lot of practice in the last year as Jenny patiently taught him the proper way to do it. Gibbs didn't know before her, he didn't drink tea. Once the hot beverage was delivered to the study, Gibbs kissed his wife's forehead and headed for the workshop out back. What he had there wasn't a boat, but it would do to keep his hands busy until he could use them to hold his wife tonight while they slept.

**NCIS**

McGee sat at home at his desk, staring at the typewriter but nothing was coming to him. He was too busy thinking about Abby. She had gone bowling with the nuns last night so he didn't get to see her. And even though they were at work together only hours before, he misses her. Tim knows it's crazy, but he picked up the phone anyways.

"Hey Abbs," McGee said when she answered.

"McGee," Abby said in a reproving tone, "you're not supposed to call me until you finish your last five chapters." She flopped down on her couch with a grin. "Stuck on what to do with forensic scientist Amy and Agent McGregor?"

McGee sighed. "I just wanted to hear your voice Abby."

"You're stalling Timmy," Abby stated. "You just saw me at work two hours ago."

"Seeing you at work isn't the same as seeing you Abby," McGee argued.

"McGee, you're seen me every day for the last four years and now all of a sudden you start missing me? What gives?" She rolled on her back and watched the purple stars twinkle on her ceiling. "Not getting too attached, are you?"

McGee had no intention of telling his girlfriend how much he'd missed her in the last four years, but it was a lot. "You wouldn't want to come over and play with Jethro for awhile, would you Abbs? He's been talking about you all week."

"Tim!" Abby protested. "You don't have time to hang out with me! Those chapters are due to your editor by this weekend. Come on Mr. Gemcity," she begged, "I'm dying to see what's going on with Agent Tommy and Officer Lisa."

Tim chuckled and looked at the page in front of him. "They're having a big fight right now."

"Really?" Abby drew the word out, sounding interested. Then she pouted. "They're not going to break up, are they Tim? Please don't have them break up. I've waited two books for them to get together!"

A smile slowly spread over McGee's face and he began jotting notes on the pad of paper he kept on his desk. "Nah," he told her, "they're not gonna break up. Agent Tommy kisses Officer Lisa because he can't get a word in edgewise. Then they make up and lay on the couch watching a movie until Tommy's cell phone rings. It's LJ Tibbs and they have a new case."

Abby wiggled her eyebrows and flashed a smile at Bert. "With lots of good evidence for forensic specialist Amy?" she asked, getting into it.

McGee shook his head, trying to make his fingers keep up with his mind while he also continued talking to Abby. "Nope. That's the kicker, there's no evidence whatsoever."

"McGee," Abby frowned, "the last time there was no evidence I-," she stopped, realizing her slip, "I mean, Amy, was tied up in a warehouse and almost killed by a psycho phantom murderer. That was not fun." She thought back, remembering her time in L.A.

"For me either," Tim said, the reality of the memory taking over instead of the story that had come from it. "Even with Gibbs threatening the pilot and Ziva breathing down the co-pilot's neck, I knew we'd never make it in time." He closed his eyes. "I almost lost you forever Abbs. I don't know what I would've done without you."

Abby was silent for a minute. "You would've gotten over me eventually, I suppose." She didn't like the way it sounded.

"No way," McGee answered quickly. "There's no such thing as getting over you Abby. You're one in a million."

Abby stroked her finger lightly over the picture of her and Tim sitting on her coffee table. "If you keep saying nice stuff like that Timmy, I'm going to have to come over there and kiss you."

"Promise?" Tim's voice lit up.

"You're never going to get any writing done if I'm there Tim," Abby teased. "You're too easily distracted."

"Well you're one heck of a distraction," he commented. "Abby, please?" he asked.

"Nope," Abby shook her head. "Not talking me into it. But I'll make you a deal. If you get two chapters written before you go to bed, text me. Full chapters Timmy, on your honour or Bert and I will booby trap your desk. And," she continued, "then you can pick me up for work tomorrow and we'll already be together when we're done, so you can take me out for dinner too. How's that? Deal?"

Tim sighed. "Okay fine, deal." Abby was right, he knew. Time was short. But she was just so much more important than a book. "I love you Abby," he said after a pause.

"I love you always Timmy," she smiled. "Now get back to work," Abby ordered sternly.

McGee had to smile. "Yes Ma'am."

"G'night Tim."

"Until tomorrow Abbs."

Putting down the phone, McGee placed his fingers on the keys and began typing in earnest. He had a date tomorrow morning that he did not intent to miss.


	120. Chapter 120

Gibbs looked up when the workshop door opened. Jenny came in, shivering a little and pulling her sweater tighter around her.

"Hey, all done?" he asked.

She shrugged. "Enough for now. But I hope nothing urgent comes up tomorrow. I'm still going to be stuck in my office most of the day." Gibbs made a sympathetic face and Jenny moved closer. "I wanted to come out and see what your secret project is."

He stood up and rubbed his hands down her arms to warm them. "It's a present for Abby and McGee, when they get married," Gibbs explained.

Jenny's eyebrows rose. "You know something I don't?"

Gibbs put his arms around her, resting his head against hers. "I've seen the way McGee looks at her," he whispered in Jenny's ear, his warm breath tickling her skin, "like Abby's his whole world and all his dreams come true." He tightened his hold a little. "It's the same way I look at you. I couldn't wait for you to be mine." Gibbs stroked a finger down Jenny's neck. "Tim's a smart man. He won't put it off too long."

Jenny smiled and reached forward to trace her finger over the sign. A gently waving line had been carved into all four sides and pictures were beginning to take shape in opposite corners. Words were already traced in the middle, to be burnt there permanently later.

"It's beautiful Jethro," she said admiringly, leaning back into his embrace again. "I'm sure they'll love it."

They stood in silence a few more minutes before Gibbs made a suggestion.

"Let's go for a walk Jenny, just down the street and back."

Jenny looked at him curiously but agreed, she had no reason not to. "Alright."

Back in the house to grab coats, Gibbs locked the front door behind them and took Jenny's hand. She still didn't like the dark very much and stayed close to him, but he didn't mind. At the corner they stopped and turned around just as a ruble of thunder sounded overhead. Gibbs and Jenny looked up and their eyes met.

"You don't think..." Jenny began, but Gibbs tugged on her hand.

"Walk faster," he urged.

But even power walking couldn't save them now. Before they were even halfway back to their house, the clouds opened up and rain came pouring down. Jenny shrieked as the cold water descended on them and they began to run. Half a block wasn't that much but by the time they made it back to their door they were already soaked to the skin. Gibbs fumbled with the keys and they spilled into the house.

Jenny caught a glimpse of herself in the hall mirror. "Oh wow," she laughed, shaking her hands and watching as water drops flew everywhere, "I look like a drowned thing." She didn't like rats and never used the saying properly.

Gibbs pushed his dripping hair back from his forehead. "I probably don't look much better."

She looked at him and started laughing, then her eyes lit up. "Ooh, this is definitely a photo opportunity," she smiled, reaching into her bag for the camera. Gibbs sighed resignedly and put his face next to hers, grinning at the last second before the flash went off.

The cold started to sink in and Jenny shivered. Gibbs noticed and helped her out of her soaking wet coat.

"Let's get you out of those wet clothes Jen, I don't want you getting sick."

Jenny's teeth chattered as she nodded and followed him upstairs quickly, wincing as the water made a mess all over her hardwood floor and was absorbed into the carpeted steps. Gibbs flicked on the lights in the bathroom and they both began stripping out of their dripping clothes. It wasn't until Jenny was down to her underwear and bra that she realized what they were doing.

She hadn't undressed in front of her husband since before her rape. Gibbs noticed her sudden stillness when he dropped his pants on the floor. He looked back and forth between them and understood. Rather than make the moment awkward though, he flipped on the shower and locked eyes with her, his smile holding only a hint of suggestion.

"Wanna share?" Gibbs asked in a low voice. "It conserves water you know."

Jenny gave him a ghost of a smile but stayed rooted to the spot, uncertainty in her eyes. Gibbs slowly moved closer and tipped her chin up so he could kiss her. It wasn't a demanding kiss or asking for more, but simply reassuring her about this next step, that everything was going to be okay.

Waiting to see if she would protest, Gibbs reached behind Jenny to unclasp her bra and pulled her panties down to her ankles so she could step out of them. He tried to keep his eyes off her body, not wanting to make her any more uncomfortable than she already was, though it had been too long since he'd been able to just look at her. Gibbs took off his boxers and tried not to react or feel hurt when Jenny closed her eyes. He reached for her hand and drew her into the warm, steam filled shower with him, where it was just the two of them under the hot spray of water.

Slowly Jenny opened her eyes and met her husband's gaze. She held it and concentrated on her breathing. Gibbs didn't move while she got used to everything. It was the first time Jenny had seen him naked since her kidnapping, even though they'd been in the bath and in bed together. There was no doubt that she loved her husband, but being this close to him without clothes on was making her nervous.

Jenny took a deep breath and slowly raised her hand to Gibbs' shoulder, running her fingers lightly over the long healed scars so close together from bullets that had torn through him there. Then her palm came to rest on his right side, remembering the three broken ribs that had left him sidelined for the better part of a month eight years ago. She needed to hold onto what was familiar about her husband's body, because she knew every inch of it, and it was nothing like the last man's body that had been this close.

She was trembling when Gibbs' hands came up to cup her face, but he just smiled and turned her around, reaching for the shampoo bottle. Squeezing a generous amount into the palm of his hand, Gibbs began rubbing the liquid gently into Jenny's hair, working his way down the length of it. She lowered her head when he was done so he could rinse all the bubbles out.

Conditioner came next and Gibbs carefully combed his fingers through her hair until there were no tangles left. He brought her back to face him, keeping his eyes locked on hers the whole time he was rinsing her hair out, loving how it felt like silk on his skin. This was so familiar for them, something they had done countless times. There was just an extra care and gentleness about it this night.

Jenny smiled at her husband and traded places with him so she could return the favour, opening his Old Spice shampoo and letting a pool collect in her hand. She reached up to lather it in his hair and Gibbs closed his eyes so they wouldn't be drawn places that would make Jenny uncomfortable.

Once she'd finished with his hair, Gibbs pulled her under the spray with him and cupped her face again, his eyes telling her 'thank you' and 'I love you' before his lips ever touched hers. Jenny responded immediately, wrapping her arms around his neck and putting her hand in his hair.

Suddenly it was her body pressed against his and Gibbs had to fight to keep his hands on safe places, to keep his thoughts away from what they used to do in the shower. But it was such a breakthrough moment for Gibbs and Jenny regardless, to be close like that, kissing while the warm water ran over them. It was time together that wasn't rushed. No interruptions could find them there and Jenny wasn't afraid to be in the small space with him. That was probably the best part.

Gibbs reached for Jenny's body puff next and filled it with bubbles from her body wash. It smelled like vanilla and almonds, it was the scent of his wife. He ran it over her back, right down to her hipbones, massaging the creamy foam into her skin. Up her arms and across her stomach, letting Jenny do the intimate areas herself.

When it was her turn, Jenny took the cloth and generic bar of soap her husband used and scrubbed it gently down his chest, over his back and up each arm to his shoulder. Now they were both clean and warm, but the hot water was holding out and they didn't want to get out yet.

"Turn around Jen," Gibbs said, and it felt strange to hear words intruding into their solitude, because this whole time they'd been speaking without them.

Trustingly, Jenny did as he asked and stood still while Gibbs kept his promise from earlier, pressing his strong fingers into her back, rubbing the soreness out all the way down to her lower back. Then she faced him again and rewarded him with a kiss.

Gibbs took a small step towards her and Jenny found herself pressed against the warm, wet shower wall while her husband took control of her lips again, his tongue begging entrance into her mouth. She enjoyed the feel of him so close, of them alone together without her fears intruding. Jenny leaned into Gibbs, parting her lips slightly, teasing him.

He broke the kiss only to start putting little soft baby kisses all over her face - her cheeks, nose and eyelids. He kissed her jaw, and her neck once, before finishing with a kiss on each shoulder. After that he was back to her mouth, drawing her into a moment of passion that left them both breathing heavily and knowing that this was when they either stopped or went further than they had up to this point.

Gibbs' eyes asked her, perhaps seeking permission for more but letting her choose. Jenny ran her fingers up his chest before lightly pushing him away. If he was disappointed, he didn't show it, and stepped back, taking the hint. Gibbs stepped out of the shower first, quickly wrapping a towel around his waist, then holding Jenny's towel out to her. She put it on herself, knowing it wasn't fair to ask him to be that close and not touch. She smiled at him and reached for her hair towel, after squeezing as much water out of her heavy hair as she could.

Jenny raised an eyebrow at her husband. "Why don't you go pack? Since you know where we're going."

Gibbs didn't take the bait and left the room, smiling annoyingly because he knew something she didn't for once. Jenny took advantage of the time alone to brush out her long hair and then blow-dried it, even brushing her teeth while she was at it. Ten minutes later Gibbs stuck his head in the door, fully clothed now.

"Gonna make coffee. Want some?" He was also going to call and make reservations for their weekend, but she didn't need to know that.

Jenny shook her head. "No thanks. But would you mind starting a fire? The warmth would feel really good after that soaking we got."

She was obviously unaware of the fire she'd already started in him, either that or pretending really well. "Sure Jen," was all he said before leaving.

Once out of the bathroom and in clean, dry, comfy clothes, Jenny pulled an overnight bag out of the closet and began to think through what she might need for the weekend. It had been so long since she'd been away from home for awhile that she was kind of out of practice. The first thing she reached for was the shiny black bag she'd hidden on the top shelf. It went in the bottom of her bag, in case Jethro decided to snoop. It happened occasionally.

Next came normal things like a few changes of clothes, a bathing suit and swim cap in case they were staying somewhere with a pool - it was her favourite way to de-stress and sometimes to exercise. A bag for jewellery, make up, and hair accessories joined her growing collection of stuff, along with a few other essential toiletries. Then Jenny's eyes fell on the one drawer in particular that she hadn't opened in a month.

Kneeling down in front of her dresser, she pulled the drawer out...and found something that hadn't been there before. For a long moment Jenny just sat and stared at the dried orange rosebud that lay on top of her lingerie. She picked it up, bringing it to her nose and breathing in the still lingering scent. _Patient desire_, she smiled, wondering when her husband had put his message there, and how long he'd waited for her to find it. She hoped that this weekend she would be able to reward him for his patience and constant love over the uneven, rocky ground of their last month together.

Jenny smoothed her hand over the soft silk and lace garments and began pulling them out one by one, thinking of the memories they held. Her favourite was a short, white, silk chemise with a lovely lace design on the front. The chemise had come with a matching silk dressing gown and she loved the entire outfit. It was what she'd worn on the first night of their honeymoon. Jethro had said she looked beautiful, but it was their first time together in seven years and well...it didn't stay on long. She smiled. He had made her feel so cherished that night.

She sorted through the drawer, coming up with a black, satin and lace negligee. That one had been from a weekend after they'd been married two months. Jenny had waited up for Jethro, he'd been out late on a case. She'd wanted to surprise him but had fallen asleep on the bed before he got home. Still, she hadn't been at all upset when he woke her with a kiss so he could get a better look.

At the bottom of the drawer was a short, pink, silk chemise, held together with a small 'x' of fabric in the front. That was the one she would take. Jenny remembered trying it on in the store, behind a curtain in the small cubicle. She'd let her hair down and examined her reflection in the mirror. It had made her feel very special and she knew it would make her husband happy. She was hoping for so much for them this weekend and by the flower she knew Jethro was too. On second thought, she also grabbed a purple silk nightie with white lace around the bodice. Better to be prepared.

Once she finished packing, Jenny tiptoed downstairs and found her husband in the livingroom, just sitting on the couch. She settled beside him and leaned her head on his shoulder, pulling her knees up to her chest. Gibbs dropped a kiss on her hair and wrapped his arms firmly around her. They sat there with the fire crackling in the background, watching the sheets of rain fall outside and listening to the thunder roar, completely content in the moment and in each other.


	121. Chapter 121

Friday morning Jenny stood at the railing, watching her husband as he took phone calls and ordered his team around. Somehow he always knew she was there. Usually he would look up and they would share a moment when their eyes met and no one else around them noticed. Today Jenny could tell by the small smile on Gibbs' face that he knew she was there, but two could play this game and he wasn't looking up. It might be dangerous anyways, both of them were looking forward to getting out of town today, and getting away from everything here. Maybe he didn't want her to see how much he was looking forward to being alone with her.

Their bags were packed and in the trunk of Gibbs' car, and Cynthia had made sure Jenny's schedule was cleared so they could leave right after her appointment with Kristyn. Barring something catastrophic, they were good to go. He still wouldn't tell her what their destination was no matter what means she tried of getting the information out of him. So Jenny had to wait. She smiled in her husband's direction and reluctantly headed back to her office. A pile of paperwork still awaited and she didn't want anything left at the end of the day to bother her while they were away.

**NCIS**

"Good afternoon Director!" Abby said cheerily as she bounced into Jenny's office around lunchtime holding a small black basket.

Jenny looked up. Though not unwelcome, a visit from their forensic scientist was certainly unexpected today. "Abby," she smiled, "to what do I owe the pleasure?"

The girl grinned. "By order of Gibbs, I'm supposed to pamper you before you guys leave for your mystery weekend away that no one is telling me about."

Despite Abby's not-so-subtle hinting, Jenny just shook her head slowly. "He won't even tell me about it Abs. But even if he had, I would still have to keep it a secret." She lowered her voice. "He's Gibbs, he would know."

Abby's eyes widened. "Kinda creepy, huh? Like how he always knows when I've found something in my lab, or the way he sneaks up on you, without make even a single sound..."

"Abby!" Gibbs voice came from the doorway and Abby shrieked, spinning around.

"Gibbs!" she huffed, glaring at him. "Stop doing that! I'm all for your super secret powers and all, but you're seriously going to give me a heart attack one of these days. Geez!"

Gibbs chuckled and aimed his gaze at Jenny. "Just making sure she didn't get sidetracked."

Jenny shook her head at him, a smile curving her lips. "It's a sweet idea Jethro, but you really don't have to get Abby to do anything special for me." She was touched by her husband's thoughtfulness, though a little unsure about how to take it.

He stepped closer and brushed his fingers lightly down her face, the look he was giving her making Abby wish she was in another room or had her camera phone handy. "You deserve it Jen," he said softly. "And you're in good hands with Abby." Gibbs looked back and forth between them. "Behave, both of you." Then he left the way he'd come.

Jenny shrugged helplessly at the closed door and turned to Abby. "Well, what are you supposed to do?"

Abby's eyes twinkled. "Your nails." She fished her hand through her basket of small glass bottles, towels, and creams. Just before she picked one, Jenny added a condition.

"No black Abby."

Her expression fell and for a moment she looked defeated. Jenny skimmed through the colours and settled on a very neutral colour of pink.

"Tea rose?" Abby asked, her eyebrows lifting. "Really?"

"Indulge me Abs," Jenny said, "it will go great with my dress."

Abby's face lit up again. "Do I get to see a picture?"

Considering it for a moment, Jenny decided that was the least she could do. "Yes."

"Alright then," she said, reaching for a bottle of clear bottom coat first, "tea rose it is." She shook her head. "Man, this is going to be some weekend alright."

"Abby..." Jenny warned. The girl looked at little bit too thrilled about contemplating what Jenny and Gibbs would be doing while they were gone.

"Sorry," she shrugged. "Can't help it."

"So," Jenny tried a different tactic, "what do you and McGee have planned for the weekend?"

Abby's cheeks coloured and she kept her focus on steadying the hand brushing polish onto Jenny's thumbnail. "Oh, you know, stuff...and...things. So Director," she bit her lip, searching for a less dangerous topic. Finally she hit on it and looked up. "Tell me about Gibbs when he was your boss."

Jenny started laughing, then remembered she needed to keep still if she wanted the nail polish to end up on the right spot.

"Oh Abby...I have so many stories."

The girl grinned. "I've got time."

Jenny thought for a moment, then picked a time from their history and began to remember for Abby.

**NCIS**

"Hey Ziva," McGee asked, catching up to her as she headed for the elevator.

She turned around. "Yes McGee."

He looked around nervously, not knowing exactly where Tony was. "Umm...would you like to have lunch with me today? There's this great little place just down the street. And it's right by The Jewellery Exchange."

A light went on in Ziva's eyes. "You want to look today?" she confirmed.

McGee shrugged. "Just look. I want to see what they have, and get your opinion."

Ziva looped her arm through his. "I would be honoured to join you for lunch Tim."

Just then Tony came walking by, eyeing the two of them suspiciously. "Hey McGoogle, where are you going with my partner?"

Ziva rolled her eyes at him. "It is just lunch Tony."

"Why aren't you having lunch with your little Goth princess in that deep dark lab of hers?" Tony demanded.

McGee sighed. "Abby said she'd be busy doing a favour for Gibbs over lunch."

"What kind of favour?" Tony asked suspiciously.

"I didn't ask and she didn't tell," was all Tim would say.

"So you think you get to use my partner as a stand in for your absentee girlfriend?"

"Why are you so hot and bothersome about this Tony?" Ziva asked, one arched eyebrow indicating he better have a good reason to be acting like a three year old whose favourite toy had been taken.

"Umm...well...because..." Tony tried to find an excuse. "What if I wanted you to go for lunch with me?" The disbelieving look on Ziva's face caused him to frown. "Don't look at me like it's a foreign concept, we've had lunch together before."

"Yes, but you would have to ask me first," she pointed out. "And this time you did not. So I will go with McGee." They kept walking and Ziva looked back over her shoulder at him. "Would you like us to bring you something Tony?"

"No thanks," he grumbled, shoving his hands in his pockets, "I'm not hungry."

Ziva stopped short of making a comment, it wasn't fair to tease Tony anymore. But she found it interesting that he was jealous of McGee of all people, a man who was happily involved with one of their good friends. She wondered just what Tony was thinking, and if he was ever going to share.

Once in the elevator, Tim let out a breath. "Thanks for not telling him," he said sincerely. "Tony...he wouldn't understand."

Ziva tilted her head a little. "I do not know McGee...maybe he would understand much more than you think."

Tim shook his head. "It would just be one more thing he can tease me about and he might let it slip to Abby and think it's funny."

"McGee," Ziva said seriously, facing him, "Tony is your friend. For something as important as this I do not think he would make it all into a joke."

"No," Tim muttered, "just most of it."

The history between Tony and Tim went back further than Ziva's days at NCIS. And while she'd seen how Tony tormented McGee, she'd also seen the times Tony had stood up for McGee to outsiders, and how he relied on Tim as a source of constancy and stability in his life. But McGee was too close to see that. Perhaps one day he would realize how much Tony really cared for him as a friend. Today though, his focus was elsewhere.

**NCIS**

The day seemed to pass extra slowly, as it always did when there was something exciting happening later. Gibbs and Jenny arrived at the psychiatrist's office at 1600 hand in hand, very much reminiscent of their first joint session together. Kristyn opened the door with her usual smile.

"Mr. Gibbs, Jenny, thank you for coming."

Jenny raised an eyebrow at the therapist. "I didn't realize it was optional."

Kristyn shook her head gently. "Not for you Jenny, but your husband had a choice."

"Sure," Jenny said sarcastically, not meaning it, "he gets the special treatment."

Gibbs squeezed her hand. "I come when I'm asked Jen."

She looked back at him and sighed. "Fine."

Dr. Renway looked back and forth between the two of them. "Jenny, I'd like to see your husband alone for a moment if I may. Would you mind waiting outside?"

Jenny frowned momentarily, but nodded and turned to go back out to the waiting room. This did not seem like a good idea.

Kristyn closed the door and motioned for Gibbs to take a seat. He did, sitting gingerly on the couch across from her.

"Something I can help you with Doc?" he asked, not knowing what to expect.

The doctor met his eyes. "How is she?"

Gibbs hadn't expected that. He nodded a little. "Better. We've actually been doing really good this week."

Kristyn smiled. "I'm glad to hear it. What about the intimacy issue?"

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "We're working on it, slowly."

Not wanting to press her luck with that topic, Dr. Renway brought up another important one. "How's she been eating?"

Gibbs sighed. "On and off, maybe a little more than before, but still not enough. She's losing weight. I don't like it."

"Neither do I," Kristyn agreed. "A month is too long for Jenny to keep this up. But by now it's routine to her to avoid food in case something bad happens. It's probably not even registering with her that this is serious now, because she's been doing it so long."

"I can't push her," Gibbs shrugged, "we just end up fighting. She doesn't really hear me, she just doesn't like the topic. Jenny's always been defensive about her eating habits."

Kristyn frowned. "Has she done this before?" That would be something she hadn't thought of yet.

"Not to this extent," he reassured her, "but when she gets into work or really intense on a case, she just...forgets to eat. For a couple days at a time sometimes. It worries me, her thinking she can live off caffeine and the occasional protein bar, but she always gets back on track before too long." Gibbs shook his head. "I've never seen her like this before."

"I'm glad you told me," Kristyn said seriously. "I don't know if she mentioned it, but today is her one month evaluation." The doctor sighed. "I really didn't want to do this, but I'll be giving her a food journal. I want her to keep track of everything she puts in her mouth and how much. Maybe if Jenny can see for herself how little she is eating, it will make a difference somehow."

"Trying something has got to be better than not doing anything," Gibbs agreed. "I'm sure Rachel will back us up on this too."

Dr. Renway looked curious. "Rachel?"

Gibbs' forehead wrinkled. "Didn't she tell you? Rachel's her best friend."

Kristyn's eyebrows rose. "I didn't think she had any close friends."

"They were roommates back in college," he explained. "Rachel just recently moved back to the area and she and Jenny have been getting together." He paused, wondering if what he knew about his wife's friend was confidential. Gibbs sighed. "Rachel has been through this too. She knows what Jenny is dealing with."

The therapist's eyes clouded. "While I wish that no one else had to experience what Jenny has, I am relieved to hear that she has someone to talk to. A best friend has a lot of influence in a woman's life. I'm glad you mentioned her, thank you."

Gibbs nodded shortly. He would've rathered Jenny be the one to tell her shrink about Rachel.

Kristyn leaned back in her chair. "Any exciting plans for the weekend?" she asked, just to see if he would tell her.

He considered deflecting the question, but decided it was easier just to answer them. "We're going away."

"You are?" Kristyn looked excited. "I think that's a wonderful idea."

He knit his brow. "Really?"

"Yes," she nodded. "There's been a lot of pressure here, a lot of stress, and a lot of hurt as the two of you have walked through her healing together. Getting away from it all, even just for a couple of days...you'd be surprised at the effect it will have."

"A good one, I hope," Gibbs admitted, before realizing he said the words out loud.

Kristyn smiled but her eyes were guarded. "A warning Mr. Gibbs and then I'll leave it at that. As Jenny's husband and her partner in this journey to healing, you are going to find that her experience has happened to you too. Without your consent and against your will life changed forever. Jenny has been damaged. Yes, she is getting better, but in some ways she will never be the same as she was." She paused, looking for a delicate way to get her point across. "Whatever your hopes for this weekend, please remember not to rush her into anything. Everything might be great or it might be a lot to work through, just be prepared."

Appreciating the woman's candor, Gibbs nodded. Then waited while she went to call his wife into the room.


	122. Chapter 122

As soon as Jenny walked back in the room, she sat down very close to her husband and reached for his hand, wanting his support for whatever came next. Gibbs squeezed her fingers reassuringly and Kristyn smiled at them both.

"First of all I want to tell you that I think this weekend away is a great idea for you. It's been a difficult month and getting away from everything that is here will be very freeing." She looked back and forth between Gibbs and Jenny. "I'm assuming the two of you have a goal for this time together, to win back the intimacy that you've been forced to put on hold these last few weeks, so I'm going to give you a few suggestions. Just hear me out and then do what you will with them."

Neither Gibbs or Jenny particularly liked discussing intimacy with her therapist. They exchanged brief glances and then turned their attention to the carpet pattern and a picture on the other side of the room. Maybe if they didn't say anything it would only be mildly awkward instead of monumentally uncomfortable.

Kristyn took a deep breath. "Sex for rape survivors will never be the same as sex for those who have never experienced that type of violence. For a long time it will be something they have to think carefully about, and something that requires a lot of focus just to get through." She shook her head. "Don't get me wrong, it can be pleasurable still, but it may take a lot of work to get back to that stage. So Jenny," the doctor waited until her patient looked up and made eye contact, "I want you to think about enjoying sex within the limits of something called CERTS. It stands for Consent, Equality, Respect, Trust, and Safety."

She let that thought hang for a moment before continuing. "When you were raped, none of those things were present. However, when you're with your husband, I'm going to venture a guess that they will all be present. Mr. Gibbs would never do anything without your consent, he does not think of you as something he can use but rather as another person whose desires and needs are equal to his own. From my talks with both him and you, I know that your husband respects you and I know that while it may be difficult Jenny, you are working on trusting him again. As for safety," Kristyn smiled, "I would imagine he does his best to make sure you always feel safe around him."

Jenny gave a little nod and agreed. Jethro had been working very hard to be all of those things for her.

"The more each of these qualities is present when you are intimate, the better sex will feel to you. That is what healthy sex should be. These things help you experience sex in the opposite direction of trauma, they set up guidelines and boundaries for safety. Only do what makes you feel safe Jenny," Kristyn cautioned her, "anything more would just be a step back."

While they didn't look at each other, husband and wife listened very carefully to Dr. Renway's words, knowing they came from the wisdom of years of experience and also that she was trying to help.

"One more thing," Kristyn said, "and then I promise you that's the last I'll say on the subject for now. Jenny, you need to have new memories to attach to sex, memories that carry another association than that of the pain, shame, and guilt that came with your rape. The more you have healthy, loving sex, the more those feelings will be replaced with love, pleasure, and safety." She turned stern eyes to Gibbs. "And I expect you, Mr. Gibbs, to pay very close attentions to the subtle cues you will be getting from your wife. Granted, the two of you have been apart for a long time, but rushing things will not help at all. Go slow, be gentle, and listen to what her body is telling you. You may also have to adapt the positions you use for making love, so that nothing reminds Jenny of the bunker. Just something to keep in mind."

That advice startled the couple, and they could truthfully say that hadn't occurred to them at all. Somehow, they just hadn't thought about it. But that could definitely be important and Gibbs especially filed the information away for later.

"And on that note," Dr. Renway smiled, "I want you guys to know that I am very pleased with your progress, both separately and together. There've been some very trying times this month but you're still together, you're still standing, and you're getting ready to move forward. I have a great respect for the love and bond the two of you share. And I'm looking forward to continuing helping the two of you through this healing process." She stood and nodded at Gibbs. "You're free to go now. I'll just quickly go over the evaluation with Jenny and then I'll wish you both a good weekend. Thank you."

In a surprising move, Gibbs held out his hand and shook Kristyn's. "Thanks," he said shortly, but it was sincere. He looked down at Jenny. "I'll be with the team when you're ready to go."

Her eyes said it all. 'Thank you', 'I love you', and even, 'I'm looking forward to this'. He grinned at her briefly and walked out the door.

Kristyn sat back down and Jenny folded her hands and took a breath. "So...how hard is this evaluation?"

The doctor laughed. "Nothing like the exams you had to take in college, I promise. It's actually very simple and almost entirely painless. It will only take a few minutes and then I'll let you get out of here."

"Okay," Jenny smiled, "I'm ready. Shoot." Then she frowned. "Actually, I'd prefer if you didn't." She shrugged. "I left my gun upstairs."

The therapist raised an eyebrow. "I'll keep that in mind for next time. But seriously, Jenny, we have to talk about your eating."

Jenny closed her eyes. The one topic she'd been hoping everyone would forget about. "Is it really necessary?"

Dr. Renway raised one eyebrow. "Do you want to get sick?"

"Sick?" Jenny asked.

Kristyn shook her head. "I'm sure your doctor told you that if you don't give your body what it needs, you're going to get tired and worn down. And when that happens your immune system won't have the resources to draw from to fight any viruses that get into your body. If you don't start eating properly, you are going to get sick and you will have that to deal with as well as everything else." She looked at her patient seriously. "You're a smart lady Jenny, this isn't news to you."

"But I can't..." Jenny began.

The doctor interrupted. "I know you think you can't eat Jenny and I know you don't want to throw up, but you can't just stop eating because of that fear." She looked at the redhead questioningly. "Did you ever fill that prescription Dr. Mariott gave you for anti-nausea medication?"

Jenny looked around as if there might be someone else hiding in the corners to save her from having this conversation. "No," she said after a pause.

"Please do," Kristyn insisted, in the kind of tone that made it more order than request. She held out a spiral bound book to Jenny. "I didn't want to have to do this, but a month is too long to be eating as little as you are." She held up her hand when Jenny opened her mouth to protest. "I know you've been doing it for weeks and avoiding food is probably habit by now. You've convinced yourself that eating is a bad thing and so you're trying to eat as little as possible. But it's not healthy in any way and so we have to do this."

Frowning, Jenny reached for the book. "What is this?"

"It's a food journal," the therapist continued. "I'm making it part of your therapy to write down what you eat. Everything Jenny," Kristyn told her. "I want you to record every bite you put into your mouth. If you had eight spoonfuls of soup, half a sandwich, or two bites of salad, it goes in here. You need to see it on paper, to see for yourself what you are doing to your body." She gave the woman a long look. "Have you lost weight?"

Immediately Jenny looked down.

"Your husband told me," Kristyn said and Jenny's eyes snapped to hers. Dr. Renway shook her head. "Before you go getting on his case about being honest, I want you to know that he's concerned for you. He came so close to losing you once already, I don't think it's fair to give him another reason to worry for you. Do you Jenny?"

_Oh sure, bring my husband into this. Like you didn't already know he's a weak spot for me. _She crossed her arms and looked at the psychologist wearily. "I'll do it," she replied quietly. "But I can't promise it's going to get better just because I'm writing things down."

"You don't have to make it better Jenny," Kristyn returned softly. "That's my job. At your next session we'll sit down and take a look at what your weekend has looked like food-wise. We'll talk about it and see if there's any way to improve what you're eating or what you're thinking about food. If that doesn't work, I'll refer you to a nutritional therapist. My friend Naomi, that's her line of work. But don't worry about that yet."

Jenny nodded, having no ability left to fight about it. She didn't want to get sick. The eating thing was such a big deal to everyone else, but to her it was just something she didn't think about that much._ I guess I'll have to start thinking about it now_, she thought, sighing.

"Okay," Kristyn smiled, "now that that's out of the way, let's talk about the positive things I've seen this month. Jenny, you came in here four weeks ago terrified of the memories and uncomfortable with therapy in general. You didn't want to be touched by your husband, you didn't have anyone to confide in, you refused to journal as a way to process your experience, and you refused almost any advice I gave."

Colour came into Jenny's cheeks as she remembered the hostility she'd felt in her early sessions with Kristyn.

"But look at you now," her therapist said, making Jenny meet her eyes. "You and your husband are getting your relationship back. I don't see the dark fear behind your eyes anymore, and you haven't tried to get out of therapy recently. In fact, you've actually started opening up and telling me things I can use to help you continue to heal. That is tremendous in itself and I'm very proud of you."

Jenny gave her a small smile and waited for the rest.

Kristyn glanced down at her notes. "You've been getting more and more comfortable with being touched again, you have a best friend that is around to support and walk through this with you, and reluctantly or not, you are journaling now and working through your memories of what happened. You've learned to verbalize your experience, and little by little, you're following the advice given in sessions to being to take hold of the new life you're building for yourself." She shook her head. "For only a month of time, that is incredible. You are doing great."

Jenny bit her lip and looked up. "I'm still waiting for the 'but'."

Dr. Renway nodded understandingly. "Yes, the 'but'. I'm very pleased with the progress you have been making Jenny, but I've decided to keep you on two sessions a week for now. We'll give it another month, see what the lingering issues are, and maybe drop it back to therapy once a week after that. I want you to continue with your journal, one entry for every day, and to begin keeping this food log so we can start to work on that. How does that sound?"

Letting out a breath, Jenny managed to sound positive. "Well, it could've been worse."

Kristyn laughed. "Yes, it could've been. But I'm serious Jenny, you are doing really well. And I hope you have a great weekend away with your husband. Just remember to focus on staying calm and relaxed. If you have a flashback or a nightmare, don't shut Jethro out, talk to him and let him help you through it. While it may make things a little awkward or uncomfortable if these reactions get in the way of intimate time the two of you are having, dealing with things one at a time will ultimately help you deal with the entire experience." She smiled. "Try to have fun. You guys deserve it."

Jenny tipped her head and looked at her therapist. "So is that it? I'm free to go?"

"For this time," Kristyn agree. "I'll see you on Tuesday."

"Yeah, Tuesday," Jenny echoed. She met the woman's eyes. "Thanks Kristyn, for everything."

"You're more than welcome Jenny," Kristyn said sincerely. "Now what are you waiting for? Get out of here! I'm sure this weekend will be worth the wait."

Jenny smiled like she had a secret. "Oh, I am sure it will be." Then she turned and walked out of the room, ready to go find her husband and leave the city behind.

**NCIS**

"Did Agent Gibbs give you the number Cynthia?" Jenny asked, rifling through her desk while her assistant watched in mild amusement.

"About a half hour ago Director." She smiled. "Go. Everything is under control here."

Jenny looked up guiltily, like she'd been caught. "Only call if..."

"I know," Cynthia rolled her eyes, "the world stops turning, or World War Four spontaneously breaks out, or Agent DiNozzo does something stupid like blowing himself up. Or if Officer David kills someone we needed." She laughed. "I got the whole list from Agent Gibbs."

Jenny shook her head. "I'm sorry Cynthia, I'm just feeling a bit frazzled."

"Director, you're officially on holidays for the weekend. It's not the first time you've left the agency for a couple of days. We'll be fine."

Jenny walked up to her assistant and hugged the woman warmly. "Thank you Cynthia. I really am leaving now."

"I'll hold you to that," Cynthia warned her boss.

"You'll have to. I don't think Agent Gibbs will let me near the stairs again." It was the third time she'd started to go down to the bullpen only to remember something she needed to check one more time.

Down in the squadroom, Gibbs stood staring at the three agents of his team and one forensic scientist who wasn't taking the chance to miss saying goodbye to 'Mommy and Daddy'.

"DiNozzo," he barked, "you're on call over the weekend and in charge if we actually get a case."

Tony nodded. "Affirmative." He glanced to both sides, smirking at McGee and Ziva. "Hear that? I'm in charge."

Ziva rolled her eyes. "Could you be any more juvenile?" she wondered out loud.

"Don't dare him Ziva," McGee begged, "just pray we don't get any calls and maybe we all survive the weekend."

"Ma-Gee," Gibbs focused on the junior agent.

"Boss?" Tim gulped.

Gibbs stared hard at him. "You are not to trace either of our phones, let Tony talk you into hacking Cynthia's computer to get the number of where we are staying, be in the lab every spare second you have should we get a case, or get involved in any bets Tony decides to make. Are we clear?"

Tim's eyes widened. "Crystal Boss."

"And there better not be any bets DiNozzo," Gibbs warned, leaving the threat of what would happen to Tony up to the imagination.

Ziva came next. "Try not to kill any team members while we're gone," Gibbs said, smiling at her.

The Mossad officer crossed her arms and glared at Tony out of the corner of her eye. "What about severe injury?" she asked, already imagining what it would be like for her partner to be in charge again.

Gibbs pondered this and rolled his shoulders. "Keep it to mild injury, but only if necessary. I need him in good working order for Monday."

"Fine," Ziva said, enjoying the shock on Tony's face.

Jenny chose that moment to appear beside her husband. "All set?" she asked.

"We're good," he smiled at her.

"Have a good time Jen," Ziva told her friend.

"Don't do..." Tony started, but got elbowed in the ribs by Ziva and switched to a very simple, "See you Monday Boss."

McGee just nodded at the couple, content to stay away from anything that could get him in trouble.

Abby launched herself at Gibbs. "I can't believe you're going away for the whole weekend!" she pouted when she let him go.

Gibbs looked at her. "It's only two days Abs."

"That's an eternity Gibbs! And I won't see you at church on Sunday either."

He nudged her. "Take McGee."

She tossed a glance over her shoulder at her boyfriend. "Maybe I'll do that." Turning to Jenny, Abby gave her a slightly less enthusiastic hug. "Have fun with the Bossman, Director. I'm sure you two will come up with something fun to do while you're away." She winked at Jenny.

"Abby!" Jenny scolded, but the Goth just turned away and rejoined the group.

"Ready?" Gibbs asked, reaching for her hand.

Jenny wove her fingers with his. "Ready."


	123. Chapter 123

Tony looked at his watch after the bosses left. "Alright," he grinned, "1700 and no new calls. As your temporarily reinstated team leader, I am declaring now to be home time." He grabbed his jacket and bag from his desk. "I've got some partying to catch up on. See ya!"

Ziva rolled her eyes and began slowly packing up her things. McGee was still sitting and working on his computer. She walked over to his desk, and he looked up, smiling at her.

"Thanks for coming with me today Ziva, it was nice to have company." McGee shrugged. "Too bad we didn't see anything we liked."

Ziva perched on the edge of Tim's desk. "I know this Jewish man who owns a shop in Silver Springs. He can custom make anything you want. It is something to think about. Abby is a unique woman McGee, perhaps a ring you design would have more meaning for her, yes?" She handed him a piece of paper with the jeweler's phone number and the address of his store. "Tell Abram that Leah sent you." At Tim's questioning look, Ziva grinned. "Old contact from an undercover Mossad mission. He will know who you mean."

McGee's eyes widened. Ziva was using her contacts to help him out with Abby's ring? "Wow, thank you," he said. "I really appreciate this Ziva."

She nodded. "I knew you would." Before heading out, Ziva looked at him curiously. "Are you staying McGee?"

He smiled. "Just killing time while I wait for Abby. I'm taking her out to dinner tonight."

"Have a good time," Ziva said as she walked to the elevator.

"See you Monday Ziva," McGee responded and went back to his game. He was looking forward to a night out and possibly a weekend in, spending time with his beautiful girlfriend.

**NCIS**

Gibbs and Jenny were headed out of town. Jenny was so ready for this, to try to get them back, to them in a place away from the familiar, with no distractions and no anything else to get in the way of them being able to focus entirely on each other. At a red light she leaned over and turned Gibbs' face towards her, kissing him slowly. When she pulled back, his eyes were still closed. Jenny glanced out the windshield, loving that it only took one kiss for her husband to lose his focus, and several seconds for him to get it back.

"Jethro," she grinned, "the light is green."

Gibbs gave her a dirty look as he sped up. "That was totally unfair Jen. Now I have to think about that for the next hour, knowing I can't get another one until we get there."

Jenny lifted one eyebrow. "We could always pull over somewhere," she suggested. "You know, just so you don't forget you're driving."

Gibbs shook his head. "No can do, as tempting and high school as that sounds. We have dinner reservations at 7:30 pm tonight."

"Oh we do, do we?" Jenny batted her eyes at him. "It's a good thing I brought something more fancy than my work suit then."

"You look good in anything Jen," he responded quickly, thinking about the many different ways he'd seen her over the years.

She shoved his arm lightly. "I think your opinion is slightly biased Jethro."

Gibbs raised Jenny's hand to his lips. "Not a chance."

Jenny smiled at him. A moment later though, she was back to being curious. "Dinner reservations where exactly?"

He shook his head. "No way Jenny. You wouldn't trade Christmas present secrets for the answer, so now you have to wait."

Jenny raked her fingers gently through his short silver hair, feeling him relax into her touch. "If I told you now what your Christmas present was, you wouldn't have anything to be surprised about on December 25th."

Gibbs glanced at her. "I could act surprised."

She wrinkled her nose at him. "You never act surprised."

He shrugged. "Doesn't happen too often."

"We'll have to see about that," Jenny smiled, leaving the thought hanging.

Just over an hour later, after long stretches of nothing but road and sky, they finally made it to their destination, a much smaller city with a slower pace some sixty miles outside DC. Gibbs slowed the car as they joined the traffic heading down Main St. After a couple of turns they pulled up in front of a quaint, Victorian style house on a quiet street.

"A bed and breakfast, Jethro?" Jenny asked, her eyes lighting up.

He grinned. "I thought you'd like it."

"I do." Jenny got out of the car slowly and looked up at the wooden sign hanging out from the front of the house. _Bluebird Hollow, it even sounds peaceful_, she mused, before joining her husband at the trunk.

Even though she tried, Gibbs refused to let her help with their luggage. Jenny crossed her arms.

"I can carry my own bag Jethro," she informed him.

Gibbs shook his head. "Let me take care of you this weekend Jen."

Relenting easily, Jenny followed her husband up the front steps and into the foyer. At the little, antique reception desk, Gibbs nodded to the older woman sitting there.

"Reservation for Mr. and Mrs. Gibbs," he announced.

"Yes, of course," the woman said, smiling. "Welcome to Bluebird Hollow. I'm Mrs. Skye but everyone around here calls me Holly. Right this way please." She led them to a lovely oak staircase and looked at them apologetically. "I'm afraid it's four flights up." Her eyes met Jenny's. "Your husband reserved our best suite."

Jenny mouthed the words at Gibbs as they followed Holly, and she told them some of the history of the place during their walk upstairs. The more she heard, the more Jenny was beginning to think her husband deserved a big hug and kiss when they were alone. The house was huge and beautiful, she loved it already.

They turned left down the hallway at the top of the stairs and Holly unlocked the door, handing Gibbs the key. "Here it is!" she said with a flourish. "If you need anything just press 1 on the phone, it connects right to my desk." Holly checked the clock. "The first sitting for supper is actually right now, but I believe you requested the second, more formal sitting at 7:30 pm. Is that right?" Gibbs nodded and the older lady looked pleased. "Good. We'll see you then. Enjoy your stay." With that, and a swish of her skirt, the woman was gone.

Jenny turned around slowly. "I love the room," she told Gibbs.

It was painted yellow and the light coming in through the big window on the far wall made the whole place feel open and airy. On the left was a little kitchenette and breakfast nook area with a small table and two chairs. There was open floor space in the middle of the room and to the right, a queen sized bed and ensuite bathroom.

When she looked back to Gibbs, he was suddenly right in front of her, holding a barely opened orange rose. He brushed it softly down her cheek and Jenny closed her eyes for a moment. Gibbs took the opportunity to close the distance between them, putting his lips on Jenny's.

"So what is this for Jethro?" she asked when he wasn't quite so close.

Gibbs raised an eyebrow at his wife. "What? You don't know the meaning of this one?"

Jenny's eyes darkened and the look she gave him was anything but innocent. "I know exactly what it stands for. I'm asking what you want it to mean."

He was only inches away, staring straight into her eyes. "Jen," he said her name like a caress and it was all Jenny could do not to get lost in everything about her husband while he was standing so close. Gibbs closed his eyes for a second. "You heard Kristyn today. We've been waiting a long time for this, to be together again, but I don't want you feel any pressure. I just want you to know what I'm hoping for."

Jenny breathed in the scent of the flower that meant desire, wanting it to bloom for both of them this weekend. She was finally ready to be with her husband, to love him with her body, her mind, and her heart.

"Jethro," she said softly, meeting his eyes, her hand resting slightly on his cheek, "it's what I'm hoping for too."

The next instant Jenny was crushed to Gibbs' chest and she welcomed his kiss, the way his strong hands cradling her face and neck, and how his body felt warm and solid against hers surrounding her with safety. It was how she always felt with him. It was several minutes before the passion and desire clouding their minds was overridden by an ounce of practicality. Gibbs broke the kiss and took a couple deep breaths.

"We have reservations at 7:30," he reminded Jenny.

She looked just as reluctant as he was to stop what they were doing. "Are you sure?" she asked.

Gibbs grinned. "Yes. Can you be ready?"

Jenny sighed dramatically. "I guess I don't have much choice." She moved towards her bag, taking the whole thing with her into the bathroom.

"Secret?" Gibbs asked, amused.

Jenny shook her head and winked at him. "Surprise," she said and closed the door, leaving him to wonder.

**NCIS**

Twenty-eight minutes later Gibbs was standing by the bed in a dark, checkered dress shirt and black pants, checking his watch.

"Jenny, come on," he called. "We're going to be late!" Shaking his head, he wondered what could possibly be taking so long. Not that he'd never experienced this phenomena before. First with Shannon and then with Jenny, he'd learned that no matter how much time they were given, women were never out of the bathroom until five minutes after they needed to leave to go wherever they were going. Still, he usually appreciated the end result enough to forget his annoyance at waiting and being late to leave.

The bathroom door opened and Gibbs turned to face his wife, scrambling to keep his mouth from falling open. With her shining red hair done up in a fancy French twist, gold spirals dangling from her ears, and a necklace he remembered from Paris gracing her slender neck, Jenny looked amazing. She stood there in the same sparkly, pale green dress with matching jacket and bag, that she'd worn to his basement one night shortly after she'd become Director, when a little boy whose dad was missing was helping him with the boat. Gibbs had loved the dress then and he loved it on her now. In all the time they'd been married, he hadn't seen the dress again until tonight.

He whistled softly.

Jenny smiled, her words an echo of that other night. "I'd prefer if you just said you liked my dress Jethro."

Gibbs looked her up and down lazily, twirling his finger in the air for her to spin around slowly. He shrugged nonchalantly, but his grin gave him away.

"Haven't decided yet," he finally answered, stepping closer for a kiss.

"Liar," she whispered, leaning into his touch.

Gibbs tucked her hand into his elbow. "Shall we?"

Jenny nodded, promise shining in her eyes.

**NCIS**

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, a man dressed in a suit was waiting for them.

"This way please," he said, leading them into the formal dining room.

Eight round tables were scattered around the spacious room, each set for two people. So far six couples had already claimed their places. Gibbs and Jenny were led to a seventh table in the corner, near a darkened window. A candle glowed in the center of their table, the white table cloth and fabric napkins lending an air of class to their old-time surroundings.

Gibbs waved off the man and pulled Jenny's chair out himself, before taking his own seat.

"First course will be served in ten minutes," their host, Nathan, explained. "Giselle will bring your water in a moment."

They thanked the man and only a moment later a young, blonde girl came up to their table with a tray, setting a glass of water in front of each of them.

"Hi there," she smiled. "I'm Giselle, Holly's granddaughter. Nathan is my dad. We're kind of a family operation around here. Just sit tight, the soup will be out shortly. I hope you enjoy your meal."

Jenny smiled at the girl but Gibbs only had eyes for his wife. He had been waiting since this morning, when Abby had slipped him the poem on her way up to Jenny's office, for the moment he got to give it to her. Now seemed just right.

"Jen?"

She looked back at him, a contented expression on her face. "Yes?"

Gibbs pulled the rolled up piece of paper from his pocket, and held it a moment before handing it to her. She raised her eyebrow at the black ribbon encircling it and he shrugged. "Abby's idea," he explained.

Jenny nodded and pulled at one end. The ribbon fell away and she slowly uncurled the sheet, taking in the old-fashioned calligraphy writing, and the artistic additions to the border that had to be Abby's personal touches. It was a poem entitled, "For You, My Love." As her eyes skimmed down the page, Jenny found herself remembering each moment he'd chosen, and looked up at her husband, tears shimmering in her eyes.

_**For You, My Love**_

_I love you unconditionally,_

_I admire your courage,_

_I want you to know you can trust me,_

_that I love you and I always will, no matter what._

_I believe in your innocence and the purity of your heart,_

_it makes me happy that we got to share a secret love._

_We are together in this, as we are in all things._

_I will be patient, there is no rush. I'm sorry, I was trying to care but didn't know how._

_I want to be the leader, the one who fights for us, and your strength. _

_You promised you won't leave this time and I don't want either of us to be alone._

_An anchor, my gift for today, to keep you here with me when the memories want to take you back._

_Even when things aren't right, I love you. _

_When we don't talk, I miss you._

_I want you to have hope to hold onto, _

_that there will be life after what happened, _

_and someday everything really will be okay._

_Your favourite flower, a symbol of our love. _

_I want you to know that every day I will find you even more beautiful._

_Admiration is only one of the many things I feel for you._

_You reminded me of our memories and to hope for many more wonderful ones in the years to come._

_Thank you for our promise - always have, always will._

_Everything I have given you has been left with love._

_My hope is that this desire will bloom for us both while we are away._

_Jenny, my beloved wife and best friend, I will love you forever_.

She'd barely finished reading it before Gibbs slid a long back box across the table towards her. "This is yours too."

Feeling slightly overwhelmed, she knew Jethro could be romantic but this was more than she'd ever experienced, Jenny slowly picked up the box and opened it. On the velvet backing was a delicate gold bracelet with a series of flat gold hearts linked by gently curing gold lines. Gibbs took it from her and pulled the bracelet from where it was held. She held out her wrist and he clasped it on for her, admiring the way the candlelight caught the gold and made it shine.

He saw the question in her eyes. "Because you already have my heart Jen, so you might as well wear it."

Jenny melted at his words, wishing they were somewhere more private so she could use more than words to express her feelings in this moment. "It's beautiful Jethro, thank you." She fingered the poem. "I didn't know you wrote poetry."

Gibbs rolled his eyes. "You're the only one I'd do that for Jen."

She put her hand over his and leaned forward. "I'm honoured Jethro." She shrugged helplessly. "This all seems like too much."

He shook his head firmly. "Nothing is too much for you Jen."

Jenny looked around them and laughed quietly. "I feel so spoiled tonight."

Gibbs gave her one of his, 'ya think?' looks. "That's kind of the idea."

Then Giselle came back with their soup and they spent the hour pretending to focus on supper, when all they were thinking about was each other, and their hope for the weekend to come.


	124. Chapter 124

_A/N: My sincerest apologies for a name mistake in yesterdays chapter. I've been informed by a friend of mine who grew up near there that it's actually "Silver Spring" not "Silver Springs". I should've checked before I put it down, but that's what I thought it was. So I'm sorry if anyone was offended by that. (I didn't actually know how to fix it in the chapter that I put up, so this is my next best bet.) We're down to our last few chapters here. Thank you so much for faithfully continuing to read and review this story. It means so much to me. So...today's chapter is here. Enjoy! : )_

Gibbs and Jenny walked back up the stairs after dinner hand in hand. When they got back to their room, Jenny wrapped her arms around her husband's neck, her face so close to his that they were almost touching.

"Thank you for tonight," she whispered, but didn't move, wondering how long her husband's self-control would last.

He lost the battle after only a few seconds, capturing her lips with his and pulling her tight against him. When Gibbs broke the kiss, he leaned his forehead against Jenny's and looked deep into her eyes.

"The night's not over yet Jen."

A smile curved slowly over her lips. Jenny had heard that line before, it almost sounded like a promise.

Gibbs kissed her one more time before easing back from her. "I'm going for a quick shower, okay? See you in ten." He skimmed his knuckles lightly down her face. "Don't go anywhere."

Jenny shook her head. She planned on getting changed into one of the nightgowns she'd brought, but after her husband left, she just sat there on the bed, thinking. She looked down at her hands, starting a silent war with herself. Back and forth, yes and then maybe and no, as the minutes ticked by. Finally she made up her mind and shed her clothes, leaving them on the floor by the bed as she let herself into the bathroom.

Gibbs barely had time to register the cold air before suddenly Jenny was at his back, her soft, unclothed body pressed against his, wrapping her arms around his waist. That he hadn't seen coming. Hoped for yes, expected no. But he was almost finished anyway, so there was nothing to stop him from turning in his wife's embrace to kiss her.

Jenny smiled against his lips, Gibbs' mouth warm and wet on hers. She shivered and he held her closer, shuffling back a few paces to bring her under the hot water with him. Gibbs had plans for them tonight, plans to take it slow and get used to each other again. But the way Jenny's body felt against his was testing his resolve, and it was more than difficult to only kiss her, as enjoyable as that was.

Feeling the way her husband's body was reacting to her nearness, Jenny smirked and turned around to get out. Gibbs stifled a groan. Now she was just teasing him, no fair. This time he looked while she got out, but not for too long, following her lead and grabbing a towel to wrap around himself. There was an awkward moment of 'now what?', before Jenny walked out of the bathroom, her hips swaying gently, and settled on the bed, one toned leg pulled up through the slit in the towel she wore. She sat there, smiling at him expectantly.

Wondering what she was thinking, Gibbs asked. "What?"

Jenny shrugged one bare shoulder, her wet hair falling over her back like a red waterfall. "I don't know. You tell me. You're the one with all the plans."

Gibbs sat down on the bed, keeping his distance, the sight of Jenny in a towel but nothing else making it hard to keep his hands to himself.

"Let's start with the basics," he suggested, new to this whole idea of taking it slow. Even in the beginning of their relationship things had progressed so fast, there'd been no time for the awkward firsts, everything had just happened. Now it really was starting at square one, since they'd skipped it the first time around.

Jenny tipped her head to the side and looked at him. "What basics?"

Gibbs looked across the bed. "I was thinking you...me...in bed...without the towels?" He saw the involuntary shudder that passed through Jenny, and he knew it was because he was suggesting being naked. He shook his head slowly. "But I promise I won't touch you unless you want me to. And sheets for covering are allowed."

Jenny bit her lip and looked down, then nodded slightly, but didn't move.

He kept the sigh in, knowing they had lots of time to work on what still made her uncomfortable, but wishing they were already through the challenging part. "Want me to turn around?"

She nodded again and when his back was to her, Gibbs heard the towel drop and the sound of Jenny sliding under the covers. When he was facing her again, he saw Jenny sitting up in the large bed, her back resting against the fluffy pillows and the sheet pulled up to just under her collarbone.

As her husband reached to undo his own towel, Jenny wavered between keeping her eyes closed as she usually did, and actually looking at his body. She settled for a compromise, taking a quick peek before he got in bed, then opening her eyes again to find him very, very close. Hard as it had to be to sit there and do nothing, Gibbs kept his promise and didn't lift a finger towards Jenny until she nodded. And then it was only one finger, trailing down the bare skin of her side, the sensation making her shiver, but more with delight than actual cold.

Jenny closed her eyes when Gibbs put his hand on her neck and her head tilted to the side as his hand traveled down her neck, across her shoulder, and down the length of her arm, right to her fingertips, which he then brought to his mouth, kissing them one by one. Jenny was enjoying her husband's touch so much that she forgot about holding the sheet up. Suddenly she noticed it was pooled around her waist and her eyes snapped open as she grabbed for the sheet, pulling it back up to cover her. Jenny could feel her husband's eyes on her and dared a glance up at him when his hands came to rest on hers. He tugged gently at the material she was clutching.

"Will you let me look at you Jenny?" he asked.

She froze for a moment and then slowly released her grip on the sheet, taking a deep breath and holding it as the material slid down to sit around her hips. Jenny's eyes stayed glued to the fingers twisted together in her lap. Gibbs savoured for a minute the sight of his wife's naked body, but he didn't like the stiffness in her posture and prayed that when she looked at him he wouldn't see fear in her eyes. It was the worst feeling ever for a man who loved his wife. She was never supposed to be afraid of him.

Jenny was struggling with the feeling of being exposed, of having nothing to cover her, nothing to protect her from...what? Not her husband, he had done nothing she needed protecting from. Her fingers traced over the bracelet on her left wrist and she smiled slightly. _His heart_. She lifted to eyes to Gibbs', hoping he could see her heart there, because she'd given it to him freely long ago.

Gibbs shifted a little to get closer to his wife. His face hovered right in front of her lips until Jenny wondered if he was ever going to kiss her. Then he did, the caress soft and full of yearning. He pulled away before they got too involved and moved his lips to her jaw. A tender kiss by her ear and a row of small, soft kisses down the side of her neck. By the time Gibbs finally got back to her lips, he was grinning and Jenny was almost desperate for him to kiss her again. She put her hands on his face and drew his mouth to hers. Building anticipation was one thing, anymore would've driven her crazy.

When they pulled apart to breathe, dizzy from the intensity of the kiss, Gibbs whispered in Jenny's ear.

"I have an idea."

She quirked one eyebrow at him, curious when he slipped out of bed and went for her toiletries bag in the bathroom, returning with her favourite milk and honey body lotion. Gibbs got back into bed and shook the bottle lightly, smiling. Jenny took it from him and set it on the nightstand beside the bed. She got out and reached for the shiny, pale purple, silky dressing gown in her bag. She pulled her hair out and let it hang down her back, securing the tie loosely at her waist.

Climbing back on the bed, Jenny reached for the lotion and rested on her knees. "My turn," she told him and Gibbs eyed her for a moment before obligingly rolling over and laying on his stomach, the sheet still covering from his lower back down. That was where Jenny positioned herself, her knees on either side of Gibbs' hips. Gibbs closed his eyes. He knew Jenny was just trying to be nice, but there was so little keeping her from being in direct contact with his skin and he wasn't sure if he would be able to hold still with her right there.

Jenny leaned over and rested her weight lightly on Gibbs' back, running her fingers through his hair and teasing the skin on the back of his neck. Then she kissed his ear and he heard the 'pop' of the lid on the lotion bottle opening. Jenny squeezed the thick, white cream onto her palm and rubbed her hands together a little, bringing them to her nose to smell the fragrance. She put her slick hands on Gibbs' shoulders and began kneading her thumbs into the muscles.

With Gibbs focused on every move she made, Jenny worked her way down her husband's back, fingers tracing the defined muscles appreciatively, using more lotion whenever her hands got dry. When she finished with his back, she rubbed her hands down his arms, working the lotion into his skin.

As soon as she stopped, Gibbs grabbed her arm and pulled her off of him, rolling Jenny back onto the bed. Her eyes danced and he had to resist the urge to kiss her senseless where she lay. He picked up the lotion bottle from the bed and nodded at her. After a moment's hesitation, Jenny quickly discarded her robe and slipped under the sheet again, laying on her stomach with her head resting on her arms.

Gibbs took a second to think about the best way to give Jenny a massage. She'd wanted covering while she worked on his back, which probably meant she'd prefer it for him too. He didn't want to get his boxers on, that would be a step back. But his towel still lay beside the bed. _That'll do_, Gibbs decided, reaching for it and tucking it around his waist. He leaned over Jenny, brushing her hair aside and kissing the back of her neck. Before he started Gibbs asked permission, remembering a different time weeks ago.

"Jen, will it bother you if I do this like I used to?"

She turned her head, her eyes thanking him for remembering. "Go ahead," Jenny agreed. "I'll let you know if it's making me nervous."

Being that close to her, he'd notice anyways, but Gibbs straddled her body with his knees, the towel spread around him like a Roman toga. Jenny closed her eyes and relaxed her body, the feel of Gibbs' hands on her back warm, comfortable, and oh so familiar.

He squished lotion onto his hands and began rubbing his palms in large circles on her back, stopping to work on any knots or tight muscles he found. It was hard for Gibbs to stop when he got to the bottom of Jenny's back, he wanted to keep touching her all over, to feel every inch of her skin under his hands. But that was for another time. Tonight was just about getting their comfort level with each other back, and Gibbs was going to stick to the plan if it killed him. And looking at Jenny's bare back and imagining everything still covered by sheet just might.

Gibbs took the towel off again when he was done and settled back in beside his wife. Her eyes were closed and Gibbs knew she was probably close to sleep. He propped his head up on his hand and let his fingers draw slow, lazy circles up her arm and across her back.

Jenny's mouth twitched and she opened one eye to look at him. "That tickles," she murmured.

He ignored her and kept drawing circles on every spot of bare skin he could find, tucking Jenny's hair behind her ear and kissing her earlobe when he got to her face.

"Okay, fine," she smiled, swatting his hand away, "I'm awake."

"Jen," Gibbs asked after a moment. She'd snuggled closer to his side and he was having a hard time keeping to his plan of working on things when all he wanted to do was hold her and see if she would let him do more. Jenny's fingers were skimming over his bare chest, her long nails scraping softly over the hair and skin. Gibbs caught her hand, fighting the temptation she was and the desire her touch sparked in him.

"Yes Jethro?" she prompted when he was silent for several moments.

He swallowed. She could still say no and they could enjoy each other, but the only way they were going to get past the things that made her uncomfortable was by doing them again and again until they were less of a big deal.

"What about laying here for awhile...without the sheet?" Gibbs held his breath, waiting.

Jenny ran her fingers slowly over Gibbs' hand, across his palm, up and down his fingers, following the veins on the back. "I don't know," she said after a bit, shrugging half-heartedly.

Gibbs thought about it. "Okay to try?" he asked again.

Biting her lip, Jenny took two deep breaths and nodded.

He sat up slightly and slowly pushed the sheet down past their ankles. Jenny was laying on her side, one leg crossed slightly over the other, one arm resting under her head and the other tucked close beside her face. Gibbs met her gaze and held it, wanting to encourage her. Then he went back to how he'd been laying before and drew his eyes slowly down Jenny's body, touching her with only a look, and enjoying the sight of skin he hadn't been allowed to see or touch in a month. He could see out of the corner of his eye Jenny's eyes flickering to him, back and forth like she wasn't sure.

Gibbs reached over and put his palm over the circular scar on Jenny's left thigh, remembering when he'd done that nine years ago, trying to keep her from losing too much blood, his heart still racing from the panic of hearing her cry and seeing her fall. Jenny knew what her husband was thinking and put her hand over his.

"We both have our scars Jethro," she said softly, looking pointedly at his shoulder, the bruise from Monday finally fading.

Gibbs moved his hand to her stomach, where a thin white line ran from her ribcage across to her navel, his thumb trying to sooth the mark that was already eight years old.

Jenny chuckled. "Hurt like heck then. I learned to move faster after Cairo."

His hand stilled. "I should've been there Jen, I should've had your back that day."

She shook her head. "Ziva was the one who pulled me back so it wasn't deeper. And even if you were right there I still might've gotten a taste of that Egyptian dagger."

An agent, a Mossad assassin, and native street fighters had been a bad combination when they went to check out the tip about an Al-Qaeda safehouse that turned out to be bogus.

Jenny looked down her husband's body, her eyes finding each scar, because she knew them by heart. The jagged shrapnel wound he'd gotten in Desert Storm in '91, from the same explosion that put him in a coma for nineteen days. His crooked baby finger from a break so bad the bone had been sticking out of the skin. Tight, shiny skin where bullet wounds had healed, the occasional knife slash from bar brawls, and fights with suspects gone wrong. Even the pinkish, oval mark on his bicep where he'd burned himself as a child.

She'd memorized each scar and the story that went with them, and Jethro knew her battle marks just as well. His index finger went around her wrist again, following the path of the ropes that had bound her. Gibbs kissed each one again, the gold hearts on her new bracelet cool against his lips, wanting to remove the pain behind that memory.

"It's okay Jethro," Jenny tried again to convince him. "You got me back, we have another chance."

Gibbs kept her hand close to his face. "We might be running out of them Jen. What one are we one?"

Jenny framed his face with her hands. "Silly man, we're on the only one that matters - today's. Us, here, together - this whole weekend is another chance."

He kissed her then, keeping his eyes wide open, not wanting to miss a thing. Gibbs gave himself permission to let his hands wander down Jenny's sides, over her bare back. She only moved closer, wanting her husband to keep kissing her, to keep reminding her that this was real, and for tonight everything really was okay.

Jenny fell asleep like that, with nothing but the air and a single sheet between them. Gibbs stayed awake though, tracing his wife's face with the lightest of touches, so she didn't even stir, and remembering all the things he loved about her. All in all, it had been a very good day.


	125. Chapter 125

_A/N: Okay...just so you know, I'm not Irish. I wish I was, but I'm not. So all that stuff in the middle is my best guess combined with scant research about how the words sound with an accent. If anybody is reading this who is Irish, I promise I'm not making fun and I'm not trying to offend. Y'all can feel free to correct me if you want. Thanks again!_

Saturday morning found Gibbs and Jenny laying side by side as the sun's early rays kissed their skin good morning. Jenny opened her eyes to find her husband watching her.

"Morning," she said sleepily, closing her eyes again. Jenny wasn't entirely sure she wanted to be awake yet.

"Hey Jen," Gibbs asked, planning to make the most of this time alone with her, "want to get breakfast?"

Jenny snuggled deeper under the covers. "Too early," she muttered.

He ran his warm hand over her shoulder and neck. "Come on Jen, please?" Gibbs wheedled.

Jenny's eyes snapped open. "Did I just hear Leroy Jethro Gibbs say 'please'?" she asked incredulously.

"Hey!" he held up his hands in defense. "It's not like I never use the word."

One of Jenny's eyebrows rose slowly. "A countable amount of times in one's life does not count as using it Jethro."

"Is that a yes?" Gibbs asked hopefully.

Jenny closed the few inches of space separating them, settling her lips softly on his. Gibbs moaned quietly, loving this contact with her. His hand slipped under the sheet, his arm snaking around Jenny's slender waist to pull her warm body even closer to his. Gibbs rolled more onto his back, bringing Jenny with him without breaking the kiss. Now she was laying partially on top of him, their skin touching almost entirely from head to toe.

When Gibbs' hand fell below her waist, Jenny leaned back and shook her head slightly before smiling.

"Yes," she said.

Gibbs was suddenly confused, finding it hard to have a coherent thought with his wife draped across his body. "Yes what?" he asked, trying to clarify.

Jenny kissed him again and laughed lightly. "Yes, let's get breakfast."

He glared at her. "That was mean."

Jenny moved away from him and grabbed her dressing gown from the floor. "Wake me up and suffer the consequences," she grinned, heading to the bathroom. "I'll be ready in ten minutes."

"I'll get you back for that," Gibbs warned.

"Yes," she said demurely, "I'm counting on it."

Laying back on the bed, Gibbs let out a long breath. He stayed there, not moving for several minutes, before getting up and dressed. Casual was the order of the morning and Jenny must've figured as much because she came out of the bathroom ten minutes later wearing jeans and a long sleeved sweater, just finishing putting her hair into a ponytail. Gibbs came towards her and pulled her into his arms, twirling her hair around his finger.

Jenny leaned into the hug, extremely thankfulness for the tenderness of last night and the normalcy of this morning. Little by little they were working on her fears and finding their way back to each other. Gibbs took her hand when they parted and Jenny grabbed the heavier coat she'd packed, knowing she'd be glad for the extra warmth in the chilly November air outside.

Holly met them at the bottom of the stairs, an apologetic expression on her face. "Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Gibbs. I'm afraid the first breakfast isn't served until 8:30." She eyed them curiously. "Most of our guests like to sleep later in the morning."

Jenny smiled. "Not a problem. Can you recommend somewhere in town?"

The older woman brightened. "Actually, Maggie's Bakery just down the street at the corner is fabulous. She makes the most wonderful pastries and her croissants are so light and flaky you'd swear you were in Paris."

Gibbs and Jenny exchanged a look. It always came back to Paris for them. "That sounds great, thanks," Gibbs said, helping Jenny with her coat and doing up his own. They stepped out into the fresh, crisp air and started down the sidewalk, enticing bakery smells calling to their senses while they were still a block away. They soon reached the little shop and Gibbs held the door for Jenny, a little bell above it jingling to announce customers.

A plump woman in her golden years stood on the far side of the counter, watching the timer on an industrial oven. She turned towards them with a smile.

"Good Morning lovies," she said warmly, her accent reminding the couple of a brief stint of time spent in the heart of Ireland, "What kin I get for you?"

Jenny liked her immediately. "We heard your pastries and croissants praised quiet highly," she began.

The woman tutted and took another peek at her cookies. "Whist now. Ye must be stayin' a' Bluebird Hollow then. Holly and I have been frinds since she opened the place almost twenty years ago. She's forever sending guests my way." Maggie smiled. "I'm a wee bit spoiled having her inn so close."

The oven beeped and she pulled out a tray of large, almond crisp cookies, sliding them onto a cooling rack with practiced familiarity. The woman wiped her hands on the apron that covered her entire front and moved efficiently to the other counter, pulling two plates off a shelf and selecting a couple light brown, curved rolls. Maggie handed the plates to Gibbs and Jenny.

"Ye must be peckish if ye haven't eaten yet." She waved them over to sit at one of the small tables near the window. "See if they live up to all Holly's blather."

They sat down and Gibbs bit into one end of his croissant while Jenny delicately peeled off the top layer of hers.

"Mmm," she said, closing her eyes. "Jethro, isn't this like...?"

He nodded and looked over at Maggie, who was waiting to see what they thought. "Did you ever work in Paris Maggie?"

She winked. "I might've learned a few secrets at one or two o' the cafes," she answered, leaning against the counter.

After letting Gibbs and Jenny enjoy their breakfast for a couple minutes, she spoke again. "Right, can I get either o' you a cup of tea or coffee?"

Jenny nodded eagerly. "Tea please."

"Coffee would be great, thanks Maggie," Gibbs added.

A few minutes later the older woman appeared with a tray holding two mugs, cream, sugar, a pot of tea, and a small pot of coffee for Gibbs. As Jenny fixed hers, Maggie watched carefully.

"Such lovely hair," she commented, "and green eyes too. Are ye sure ye're not Irish dear?"

Jenny took a sip of tea and shook her head. "American for several generations I'm afraid, although I do love your country Maggie."

"What's your name?" their hostess asked.

"Jenny," she replied.

"Ah, Jennifer. Well now, that's Irish."

"About the only part of me that is besides my hair," Jenny laughed.

"Except maybe her temper," Gibbs added, grinning at the look on his wife's face.

Maggie sighed and returned to her kitchen while the couple enjoyed their drinks.

The bakery was warm and welcoming, Maggie's occasional comments and efficient scurrying around as she tended to her creations comforting, and the company...well, Gibbs and Jenny only had eyes for each other.

When at last they were finished, they went back up to the counter.

"Thank you Maggie, that was delicious," Jenny smiled, glad to have met the Irish woman.

"How much do we owe you?" Gibbs asked, reaching for his wallet.

Maggie clucked her tongue. "On the house today dears."

Jenny's eyebrows rose. "Are you sure?" They would not experience such generosity at a shop in DC.

The woman waved her hand as if it was inconsequential. "My pleasure."

Both smiled warmly. "Thank you," Gibbs said.

"See you again!" Jenny smiled, waving goodbye as they left.

"Yes, and I sure hope so," Maggie replied quietly, going back to her work. "Take care now."

**NCIS**

It was a beautiful day. The sun was shining in a clear blue sky, and Gibbs and Jenny were happy. The city whose streets they now wandered was still quiet this Saturday morning, although a few people were beginning to appear here and there. With linked hands the couple strolled down Main St., entering any shop that looked interesting, no destination or purpose in mind except to enjoy the day and each other.

After a couple of hours, Gibbs turned to Jenny. "What sounds good for lunch?"

She looked at him, wondering how long she was going to be under a microscope when it came to food. But it wasn't worth spoiling their weekend over.

"Soup?" Jenny suggested, looking for something warm.

"Good enough," Gibbs nodded and began keeping his eyes open for restaurants.

On the other side of the street a few blocks down and squeezed between two other businesses, was an innocuous looking place, the sign on the front declaring it to be Garden Delights. The tagline underneath said, 'If It Grows There, We Cook With It.' He pointed and Jenny read the sign, agreeing silently.

The restaurant was fairly quiet, though a few other patrons sat in the booths lining both walls, quietly eating their meals. A young man at the counter looked up when they came in.

"Be right with you," he said.

His nametag said Travis, his boyish face and gelled, spiky hair making it clear he was a high school student working a part-time, weekend job. Jenny always tried to remember their names. Having worked in thankless, part-time jobs as a student herself, she liked to make waitresses, cashiers, paper boys, and anyone else with a nametag feel important and appreciated.

Gibb scanned the menu board, choosing his food without fanfare. Jenny however, read over each individual item carefully and weighed it against what she wanted and what her stomach felt like or didn't feel like. The choices were varied. Fresh homemade soups and chowders, chilies and stews. Wraps, salads, and vegetarian sandwiches, even a few desserts were listed. Jenny bit her bottom lip. As decisive as she was in every other area of her life, especially her job, she always struggled when faced with a menu full of choices. Finally she made her decision, and nodded at her husband.

Travis stood at the cash register, looking at them expectantly. "What would you like?"

"Potato chowder," Gibbs replied. "With bacon. And a coffee."

"Ma'am?" Travis asked once he'd punched Gibbs' order into the computer.

"Cream of broccoli soup please, and a bottle of water," she added, keeping it simple.

"Okay." The guy hit a few more buttons and named the total, looking to Gibbs, who already had his wallet out. "If you'll just take a seat, Mark will bring your orders over when they're ready," Travis informed them, turning his attention to the next customer.

Gibbs let Jenny pick where they sat and she decided on a booth right in front of the window. She liked to people watch. Gibbs on the other hand, preferred to Jenny watch. So he watched her, his fingers rubbing gently over hers, as Jenny watched the people outside contentedly, her head resting on her hand.

A dark haired teenager who looked to be about the same age as the one at the counter, brought their food over not too much later, steam rising from their bowls and Gibbs 'to go' cup of coffee.

"Enjoy," Mark said, and disappeared again.

Jenny watched enviously as Gibbs took a sip of his coffee. "That's really unfair," she sighed. "If I ever got-" she started to say something but caught herself, immediately looking away.

Gibbs noticed and had a pretty good guess about what Jenny had almost said. He sighed quietly. They'd have to talk about kids eventually, it was a conversation they'd been avoiding since getting back together. Gibbs had the memory of Kelly to deal with, and he had a feeling Jenny was a little concerned because it had been seven months and she hadn't gotten pregnant yet.

If it was something they both wanted, they were running out of time with their ages, even if he was several years older than Jenny. But for this weekend, that was a topic better left untouched. Maybe when they got home, maybe in a couple weeks when things had settled down more. But that was always their excuse. So Gibbs made believe he hadn't heard what she didn't say and Jenny paid attention to her soup like it was the best food she'd ever tasted.

In all honesty it was quite good, the taste of fresh ingredients clear in each spoonful. Half the bowl was gone before Jenny couldn't eat anymore, and just like supper last night, she'd barely even noticed._ That has to be a good thing, right? _she asked herself, smiling at her husband when he noticed.

Gibbs thought his chowder was very good, seasoned nicely and filling, and he was glad for the bigger spoon he'd gotten with it. Sipping off the small spoons that Jenny always used got tiresome. Finally they both sat back, full and warmed up, and he met Jenny's eyes.

"Ready to head back?" he asked.

Jenny nodded, the faraway look in her eyes disappearing. "Works for me."

When they made it back up to their room, Jenny dropped onto the bed, which had been re-made in their absence. "Someone," she turned accusing eyes on Gibbs, "woke me up early on a Saturday. I think I need a nap."

Gibbs tried to think of the last time before this month that Jenny had taken a nap in the middle of the day. He couldn't remember once time. Usually she was the woman who thought she could go as long without sleep as he could.

"Feeling okay Jen?" he asked, his brow furrowed.

Jenny opened her eyes and looked at him, seeing the concern there. "Just a little tired Jethro. That's all, I promise."

"Okay." He grabbed the extra blanket from the end of the bed and draped it over her, brushing his hand down her cheek and kissing her lightly. "I'm going to go talk to Holly about dinner."

"Mmhmm," Jenny murmured, not really paying attention, sleep already tugging at her.

Gibbs smiled at his sleeping wife and left the room quietly. Tonight had to be special. They'd been waiting weeks and it finally felt like the right time.


	126. Chapter 126

When Jenny woke up, she was surprised to find her husband sitting in the chair in the corner, reading. She frowned, propping herself up on one elbow.

"Jethro," she asked suspiciously, "is that my book?"

Gibbs looked up, his expression saying he'd been caught. "Guilty." He flipped through a few pages. "It's actually not bad. And I had to do something while you were sleeping."

Jenny sat up all the way and covered a yawn. "Fair enough." She stretched, rolling her neck. "How long did I sleep?"

Gibbs glanced at the clock. "A couple hours. Feel better?"

"More awake anyhow," she nodded, then made a face. "Sorry for sleeping during our vacation."

Putting down the book, Gibbs joined her on the bed. "Don't be sorry Jen. Rule #6. And anyways, part of the point of being here was to get you away from the stress and pressure of home so you could relax." He grinned. "If you're sleeping, you're relaxed. And if you're relaxed, I'm happy. Mission accomplished."

Jenny smiled and leaned forward to kiss her husband. "When did you get so sweet?"

Gibbs tucked a stray piece of hair behind Jenny's ear, brushing the backs of his fingers down the sleep marks the pillow creases had left on her cheek.

"When I started trying to win your heart again Jenny." Gibbs let himself be very transparent with her, wanting her to know.

That remark earned him another kiss and Gibbs was thinking he could get used to this game.

"Don't you know Jethro?" Jenny smiled. "You've had my heart since Paris."

The kiss they shared then was long and slow, and they took their time exploring each other again. There was a promise in this kiss too, as there had been in others along the way, of all that they hoped for out of their time together. When they finally stopped, Jenny gave Gibbs a look.

"Now what?" her eyes twinkled, wondering if he still had a few surprises up his sleeve.

Gibbs thought for a moment. "If you want to read some of your book, I'm good for one free foot massage."

Jenny looked at her husband like she didn't believe him, especially about the 'free' part. But the offer sounded enticing.

"Okay," she grinned. _Like I'm going to be able to concentrate on my book!_ Jenny thought wryly.

Gibbs handed her the novel and pulled her legs onto his lap. Jenny leaned back against the pillows and opened her book, but all she really did was watch her husband and enjoy what he was doing, wondering how on earth she'd gotten so lucky.

**NCIS**

"Did you get everything sorted out for dinner?" Jenny asked much later.

"Yup," Gibbs said, not looking up from what he was doing.

"And?" Jenny asked when he didn't say more.

"Need to leave at 6 pm," he answered, still being cagey.

Jenny looked at the clock. "Jethro, if we're leaving at 6 I need to go get ready." She moved away from him, digging through her bag to find everything she needed.

Gibbs grinned. "Need any help?"

She glared at him. "No I do not need any help." Jenny looked at him pointedly. "You should get ready too."

He chuckled. "It's not going to take me nearly as long as it takes you."

"Watch it buster," Jenny crossed her arms and raised one eyebrow. "You know I do this for you, right?"

Gibbs walked around the bed and kissed his wife on the forehead, wrapping his arms around her. "I know Jen, I was just teasing." He lifted her chin and kissed her. "I always enjoy the result."

Jenny rested her head on his shoulder. "I guarantee you're going to like it tonight," she whispered.

He pulled back and looked at her questioningly, but Jenny just grabbed a few things he had no idea why she'd need and disappeared into the bathroom. Gibbs grabbed his coat and their room key, figuring Jenny wouldn't notice if he was out for a bit. She'd be in the bathroom at least an hour and Gibbs had one more thing he wanted to say.

**NCIS**

Jenny spent a long time in the shower - shaving, washing herself, and getting her hair really clean. She wanted everything to be perfect tonight. Granted, the dress she and Rachel had picked out was a little fancy for Bluebird Hollow, but she was dressing up for her husband and no one else. She knew Jethro would like her dress so that was all that mattered.

Once out of the shower and towel clad, Jenny took great care in blow drying her hair, pulling the front part back and securing it with a jeweled dragonfly clip from a wealthy old friend. She took out the body lotion they'd used for massages last night and smoothed it into her freshly washed skin. Black silk panties and a matching strapless bra came next, before she rolled on clear deodorant and dabbed her favourite perfume on her neck. She took her time with her make-up, wanting it to be flawless and look natural. Earrings, a silver necklace of different sized circles all attached to each other, and a matching bracelet completed the look.

After a final check in the mirror, Jenny looked at the dress hanging from the shower curtain rod. Carefully removing it from the hanger, she undid the hidden zipper in the side and slipped into it, pulling the silky material up to her shoulders. She stepped into strappy silver heels and at last she was ready. Time to go meet her husband for dinner.

**NCIS**

Just over an hour after his wife had taken over the bathroom, Gibbs stood before the old-fashioned mirror set up in one corner of the room. He wore his best suit for the occasion with the shiny, deep blue tie Jenny had given him one year for Christmas. As a guy there was only so much he could do to spruce up. But his hair was carefully combed, his shoes shined, and his tie...tied.

He thought it looked straight but Jenny would probably still adjust it a bit. Gibbs chuckled. It was such a wife thing when she did that. He wasn't sure if he wasn't capable of getting it straight or if she just couldn't help touching it. But it got her so close he could smell the perfume dabbed on her neck, so he never minded.

Just as Gibbs was checking his watch and thinking about knocking to remind Jenny of the time, the bathroom door opened and his wife stood there...in her coat. Gibbs raised one eyebrow.

"Jenny?" he asked, looking her up and down. The coat was so long it covered everything except several inches of her dress at the bottom. The colour was pretty, some sort of bluey-green, but Gibbs wasn't too good with his shades.

Jenny shrugged. "I want it to be a surprise, so you have to wait and see, even if it's just until we get downstairs."

Gibbs shook his head, a smile slowly spreading over his face, wondering what awaited him under her coat. "We're not eating downstairs Jen."

"Where are we going?" Jenny's expression conveyed her confusion.

"That," Gibbs told her smugly, "is for me to know and you to find out. But first, this."

With a flourish, he handed her a wrapped package in the shape of a flower bouquet. Jenny arched one eyebrow at him but took the gift and slowly opened it. Joy lit her face and her eyes leapt up to meet his.

"I see your poem was predicting the future," she said lightly, teasing him. "Jethro, they're wonderful, thank you."

"I'll love you forever Jen, that's just one reminder."

Her eyes promised more when she kissed him on the cheek. "Just let me put these in water and I'll be ready to go."

An empty vase on the table soon became the new home for Jenny's flowers, and she leaned down to sniff the heliotrope before turning back to her husband. He liked that she liked his gift, Jenny could tell. She stood and looked at him for a moment, smoothing his already straight tie and adjusting it out of habit. Without a word she took the arm Gibbs offered and they went downstairs. Holly smiled conspiratorially at Gibbs as they walked out, so Jenny knew that wherever they were going it was probably her suggestion. If it was anywhere near as good at the last one, she knew she would love it.

Gibbs tucked Jenny into the car, being careful of her dress. He held her hand for the length of the drive across the city, glancing at her every once in awhile and just smiling. When they got to the restaurant, Gibbs pulled up in front, handed the keys to a valet, and helped Jenny out. She looked up at the sign.

"Enchante?" she asked, her French accent still impeccable even after nine years.

Gibbs shrugged, but he was grinning like a little boy. "I told Holly I wanted to take you somewhere special and she immediately picked up the phone and got us reservations here." There was a little awe in his voice as he said it. "This place is booked a month in advance. That woman has some serious connections."

Jenny tipped her head up and kissed Gibbs on the cheek. "Thank you Jethro."

He took her hand again and they walked in together. When the attendant helped Jenny out of her coat, Gibbs could only stare. His wife turned around slowly, her smile tentative, awaiting his approval. Not that he could help but give it.

The dress was beautiful, hugging her torso and falling to the floor in elegant folds. A double strap went over one shoulder, one part attached at the back of the dress, the other angling across her back, giving it a unique look. Jenny's long red hair cascaded down her back, only the front part held back by a fancy clip. Her jewellery added to the subtle grace of the dress. Gibbs took Jenny's hand and pressed his lips to the back.

"Wow," he whispered, "you look amazing."

Her smile bloomed and a soft blush coloured her cheeks. "Worth the wait?" she asked.

Gibbs ran his thumb over the heart bracelet on her wrist. "Absolutely."

The Maitre d' led them through the dimly lit dining room to a table in the back near the window. After seeing Jenny seated, Gibbs moved to his chair, scanning the room out of habit. It wasn't a huge place and the way everything was set up, as well as the lighting, lent to the intimate atmosphere. Jenny put her hand on his and Gibbs looked down.

"Abby did a good job," he commented, noticing for the first time the pinkish colour on her nails. To be honest, he was surprised that the girl hadn't insisted on some shade close to black.

"Alright," Jenny said, smiling at him, mischief shining in her eyes, "who are you and what have you done with my husband?"

Gibbs caressed the back of Jenny's hand. "I just wanted everything about tonight to be perfect."

Jenny gazed around, thinking she couldn't change a thing. "It's working."

A tuxedo clad waiter appeared at their table. "Would you like to see a drink menu sir?"

Gibbs shook his head. "Not necessary, thank you. Two Shirley Temples please."

If the man thought it a strange request, he didn't show it. "Of course. Your meals will be out shortly."

Jenny's eyebrows disappeared under her bangs. "Shirley Temples Jethro?" Normally the man wouldn't be caught dead drinking anything weaker than wine, even if he did prefer his bourbon.

He shrugged. "They're your favourite, right?"

"When I was a little girl," Jenny laughed, and Gibbs just looked at her. "Okay, fine, and maybe in college too," she conceded.

Gibbs crossed his arms. "You had one at your birthday dinner four months ago."

Jenny's eyes dropped to her lap and she couldn't hide her smile. "Oh yeah, that." She looked up. "You ordered for us?"

He shrugged. "Told Holly what I was thinking and she called ahead for us. I think she's my new best friend."

Jenny laughed and the waiter returned with their drinks, but was gone again before Jenny could say thank you.

"A toast?" Gibbs asked, before Jenny took her first sip.

She considered this. "Okay. To what?"

"What else Jenny?" Gibbs asked. "To healing. To life. To us."

They clinked glasses gently and had only just set them down when their waiter walked up to the table carrying two covered plates. He set one down in front of each of them and lifted the lids with a flourish. Steam rose from the food and Jenny was sure nothing had ever smelled so good.

"Steak au poivre," the man announced. "Enjoy."

Jenny grinned at her husband in delight, then frowned. "This looks suspiciously like bribery," she declared, remembering the last time they'd shared this meal in her office.

"Why?" Gibbs took his first bite and looked at her like supper wasn't the only thing he was hungry for. "Am I going to need it?"

Jenny's smile widened and she shook her head slowly. "No."'

They kept the conversation over dinner simple and light, sharing stories from their missions and remembering the team's always unpredictable antics. They talked about their relationship, memories of the beginning and little things from their marriage, moments neither had ever forgotten.

When Jenny finally put down her fork, she'd still only eaten about half her meal. But Gibbs decided that was enough for him. If she was eating, he wasn't going to complain when it was more than a couple bites. He looked across the room. The soft music that was playing had so far lured several couples onto the dance floor in the center. Gibbs glanced in that direction and held his hand out to his wife.

"Jenny Gibbs, may I have this dance?"

She wiped her mouth with her napkin and dropped it onto the table, placing her hand in his. "You certainly may."

Gibbs led her over to the edge of the dance floor and put one hand on her lower back. Her left hand rested on his shoulder and their joined hands came up. Following the music, Gibbs waltzed them across the floor, Jenny matching him step for step, letting him lead and trusting his movements. She spun out away from him, then gently back into his chest, her dress flowing around her like water. Jenny loved how the fabric gently swished against her legs, making her feel beautiful.

Their bodies were closer now than before, and she didn't mind in the least. After a few rounds the tempo of the music changed, and Jenny put both her arms around her husband's neck, while his hands came to rest on her back, holding her securely to him. They moved as one, taking tiny steps around and around in small circles, seeing nothing but one another.

Minutes passed, but for now time ceased to have meaning. It was just them, together, thinking things had never been better. Gibbs lowered his head slightly and kissed Jenny's cheek. She smiled and lifted her face for a proper kiss, which he willingly gave, keeping his mouth soft and undemanding on hers.

For a long moment they held still, no longer swaying to the music that floated around them. Then it was over and Jenny laid her head down on Gibbs' shoulder, feeling safe and secure in his arms. Gibbs started them moving again, but barely, and pressed a kiss to Jenny's hair. He put his mouth right beside her ear, his breath tickling her skin in a way that warmed her whole body.

"Wanna get out of here?" he whispered, not able to come up with a covert way to ask.

Jenny's body stilled, and she didn't move her head from his shoulder right away. Gibbs worried for a minute that something was wrong, but when she pulled back to look at him, he saw his own desire reflected in her dark green eyes.

"I'm ready," she said softly, much more than just one meaning behind her words.

The cheque was waiting on the table for them and Gibbs pulled out several bills, leaving a generous tip for the service. With Jenny's hand in his, they headed for the front to collect their coats. Once in the car, Gibbs found it hard to concentrate on driving with Jenny's fingers running lightly across the back of his neck, sending shivers down his spine, and her smile promising that whatever came next would be worth all that they'd been waiting for.

Back at Bluebird Hollow, Gibbs walked up the steps with his hand on Jenny's lower back, not willing to be any further away. Holly was at the front desk when they breezed by. She'd been waiting to ask the couple how their evening was, but seeing the way the were falling into each other's eyes, a conversation without words, only looks and touches, she held her tongue, deciding her inquiry could wait until tomorrow afternoon. It looked like they had plans that did not include the interruptions of others.

Holly smiled secretly to herself. Anyone could see those two had something special and she was glad to see their love for each other on full display. A voice from the doorway startled her out of her musings, and the older woman rose to comply with her granddaugther's request.

She and George still looked at each other like that and Holly hoped the Gibbs' would get to enjoy the kind of long lasting love she shared with her husband of forty years. No matter what the struggles or how much work it was, a love like that was always worth fighting for.


	127. Chapter 127  Final Chapter

Not willing to allow any time for awkwardness to develop between them, Gibbs captured Jenny's lips in a passionate kiss as soon as the door to their room was locked behind them. He had her coat on the floor and his fingers winding into her hair before she had time to register what he was doing. Jenny closed her eyes to block out anything but him, and memorized again the feel of his lips against hers, how his hands touched her with need, but stayed gentle for her sake.

Gibbs pulled back from kissing her long enough to unclip the dragonfly from her hair, and shrug his own coat off. His suit jacket soon followed with Jenny's help and she fingered his tie and tugged on it, bringing his mouth back to hers. It was too hard to think when their minds were clouded by thoughts of each other, and other moments like this, but Jenny wanted more than anything for it to work this time, for them to be able to be together, for nothing to get in the way.

Tasting the urgency in her kiss, Gibbs resolved to take things slow, even if it would be agony for both of them. It had been a month, Jenny had been through hell, and they were still trying to get out of this valley. The last thing he wanted was to rush the one thing that had stood between them all this time. Gibbs broke his mouth away from hers, his lips planting little kisses all over her face. Already her breathing had accelerated, and the soft noises she made in her throat told him that Jenny was enjoying this part very much.

His hands wandered over her shoulders, down her back, and up her ribs until he found the zipper that was keeping her dress on. With her body pressed close to his, Gibbs' fingers worked the tiny zipper all the way down to her hip. He pulled back to watch her eyes, not willing to make a move unless it came with her express permission, especially for this. Without breaking their locked gazes, Jenny pushed the strap off her shoulder herself, then smiled a little to encourage him to finish the job.

It was what he'd been waiting for and when the dress fell to the floor in a puddle of teal silk, Gibbs took a moment to just appreciate the sight of Jenny's body. Still in her heels, her hair down, and skimpy black underwear clinging to her, he thought she'd never looked more beautiful. When he reached out to rest his hand on her hip, his fingers teasing the waistband of her panties, Jenny shook her head at him, her sharp look up and down his body reminding him that he was more fully clothed than her.

Taking her turn, Jenny hooked her fingers into Gibbs' belt loops and drew him over to the bed. On the way there she slipped out of her heels, settling on the bed with her legs hanging off the edge so her face was level with his chest. But that didn't last long and Jenny switched to balancing on her knees on the side of the bed, smiling coyly as her fingers worked to undo the knot in her husband's tie.

Once the blue material lay strewn on the floor, Jenny began unbuttoning Gibbs' shirt, taking it slowly, doing one at a time. Her unhurriedness was testing Gibbs' patience and when she finally finished, he stripped off his shirt and undershirt by himself. Her hands automatically went for the button on his pants next, and for the first time she hesitated, her eyes flickering uncertainly to his, and her hands fell to her lap.

Gibbs watched her for a moment, knowing this wouldn't be easy, but also knowing that once familiar ground was now as if it had never been trod. Just like last night, for some things they were starting again, like tonight was the first time. Gently, he took hold of her hands and brought them back to the top of his pants. With his eyes he encouraged her, and when her trembling fingers managed to undo the button and pull down the zipper so they fell to the floor, Gibbs rewarded her with a kiss full of longing, a kiss that again ignited the spark between them, and Jenny fell backwards onto the bed, bringing him with her.

He was holding her close, their underwear the only thing between them now. His hands on her back fiddled with the clasp on her bra and Jenny's murmured words against his lips gave him the freedom to do what he liked with it. It took two hands to undo the clasp, Gibbs never had figured out how women could do it up behind their backs without watching to see where the little hooks went, but finally the black strapless piece of material was on the floor with everything else. This had always been one of his favourite parts, going from fully dressed to almost nothing. Getting to slowly relieve Jenny of each layer of clothing that came between him and the feel of her skin under his hands.

Kissing her mouth one last time, he let his lips stray to her neck, then down to her shoulder and across her collarbone. Feeling the slight tension in her body and determined that it wouldn't be like that for long, Gibbs finally reached the soft, tender skin of Jenny's breasts. She closed her eyes as he caressed her slowly, gently, taking his time to just feel her skin under his hands, using his mouth to bring her pleasure with the kisses he bestowed there.

For Gibbs it was finally his turn to do what he'd wanted to do that first week, put his hands on Jenny's body to cover over the memory of other hands, touching her when they did not know her, hurting her because they did not love her, and could not, as he did. It was his right only to touch his wife. He never wanted to see her afraid to have his hands on her again.

While Jenny lay there beside her husband, lost in the ecstacy of remembering that this was how it should be, Gibbs continued his exploration of her body, his mouth moving over her stomach, the tender skin on her hips, his fingers running over the backs of her knees, making her squirm when he hit ticklish areas. He slid his fingers under the material of her panties, and Jenny jerked for a moment, but made no protest as he slowly drew them down her legs and off, letting them land where they would.

She was completely naked now, and not willing to be that way by herself. It didn't take much coaxing with her hands before Gibbs' boxers joined her underwear on the floor. Again Jenny hesitated, while her husband's fingertips ran slowly up and down her spine, making the sensitive nerve endings in her lower back tingle. This was Jethro, she knew him. His body was intimately familiar to her, and yet this was something else she hadn't done yet.

Aching for her touch, Gibbs lead the way again, placing his hand lightly over hers, and guiding it to rest on him. Jenny swallowed, tentatively stroking her husband. He groaned and arched his body towards hers, filled with the pleasure of her fingers brushing over places on his body that she hadn't touched in weeks. Jenny leaned into him, her mouth warm as she kissed his shoulder, his chest, the ticklish skin on his stomach. Her legs tangled with his and Gibbs was getting desperate for her once Jenny's mouth found his again.

His kiss was hard and insistent, his tongue eager to taste her. Jenny kissed him back, feeling the tension in his body that had nothing to do with stress, her hand caressing his chest slowly. Gibbs wasn't sure how much more of this teasing and testing he could take, but he forced himself to remember, while he was still able to get a coherent thought through his head, that this was like their first time, and the last thing he wanted to do was hurt her in any way or remind her of the reason being intimate with him scared her.

When his hand slipped between her legs, Jenny knew what was surely coming next, and forced her body to relax, her breathing to remain even. With his body resting over hers, Gibbs made sure to check with Jenny first, to be sure this really was okay. She nodded slightly, the invitation in her eyes impossible to miss. Still wanting to be careful, Gibbs took her then, in the gentlest way he ever had.

Jenny gasped at first contact, but kept her eyes open to focus on her husband. Gibbs paused, giving her time to adjust, whispering in her ear that it was okay, that he loved her, that there was nothing to be afraid of. When she relaxed around him, Gibbs pulled her into a passionate kiss borne of all the longing that had been pent up in him since the day she went missing. They moved together, touching, kissing, always trying to get closer.

Gibbs wove his fingers with Jenny's, slowly pushing her arms above her head. Suddenly the image flashed in Jenny's head, her arms tied above her to the bed railings she couldn't reach, an unwelcome body on top of hers. She fought to keep her eyes open, needing to see that it was her husband with her now. He felt the change in Jenny and saw the fear that leapt into her eyes. She struggled, wanting her arms down and he immediately released her.

Jenny pulled her arms to her chest and closed her eyes, her whole body going rigid as she lost her battle and the memories dragged her back.

"Jenny," Gibbs said, louder than a whisper, afraid she was slipping away, making love forgotten for the moment. "Jenny, open your eyes. Look at me sweetheart. It's me, it's Jethro. I'm not going to hurt you. Jen?"

There was a fearful moment of silence filled by Jenny's ragged breathing, before his words reached her through the haze of images she wanted forgotten. A deep breath broke the spell but she kept her eyes closed, telling herself that it was a flashback, that it wasn't real, trying to convince her mind what her body wasn't sure of. She tried desperately to calm down, because this was the one thing she was afraid would happen and she just wanted it to go away.

When she came back they were still together, Gibbs hadn't moved in case that would do more damage. Jenny looked up at him, seeing the concern and the hint of frustration at this intrusion into their time together. She rested her hand on his cheek briefly, but didn't apologize because in his eyes she saw that he didn't think this was her fault, that what happened to her was both of theirs to deal with, it was not just her problem, her hurt.

"Just let me hold you," she whispered, wrapping her arms around his neck instead, breathing in the smell of him that was comforting and familiar, and did not take her back to the bunker. By shifting her body, Jenny pushed Gibbs over gently so that they were laying on their sides, instead of him on top of her. She positioned her leg over his hip and met his mouth with hers, letting him know that it was okay, that they could still do this. "I won't let it ruin tonight," she said, her breath warm against his neck.

Gibbs shuddered and pulled her close. The light had suddenly come on, and the advice Kristyn had given them about positions made sense now. Someone on top of her, that was how her rape had happened, he knew that. But it never clicked until that moment that the reason they hadn't been able to be together before, was because that was how it always started between them, but her subconscious was probably panicking because of the similarities. Of course Jenny would prefer them to be on their sides, or whatever else didn't have his body weight resting on her, scaring her.

The frustration coiling inside them begged to be let out some way, and they knew that this was one way to do it. Gibbs' hand on Jenny's face brought her back to him again, and their lips melded together, hands roaming over previously forbidden places as they returned to what they knew about each other, finding the rhythm that worked now.

This time making love was really all that they'd hoped for and wanted and waited all this time to do. As Gibbs' body moved with hers, Jenny moaned softly at the sensation. She'd forgotten how much pleasure could be found in being intimate with her husband. She'd been so busy this last month being afraid of sex and all touches, that she'd failed to remember what it felt like simply to be with him.

It was a time of sweetness and whispered words, a time of exploration and being reunited. When they finally parted, breathless from the effort and delighted with the familiarity of each other, Gibbs wrapped one arm around Jenny's waist and held her against his side, loving the feeling of her skin against his. It felt like forever since the last time they'd been together like this. He pressed a kiss to her hair.

"I've missed you Jen," he whispered. They still had a long way to go, but they had love, they had each other, and Gibbs knew healing couldn't be far behind.

Jenny reached up and pulled him down for a kiss, smiling when she moved back. "I love you Jethro," she said slowly. She let out a soft breath. "Thank you for being patient."

For a long time they lay there, kissing, cuddling, complimenting each other, letting the other one know that they had enjoyed making love. They lay naked on the bed, with no shame or fear, content to enjoy these after moments. In some ways what had just happened was like it always had been, but in some ways totally different too, because they were different since the last time they'd been intimate, before Jenny's kidnapping. But it was another step towards the new them, another step to freedom from the shadows, another step to the life they were striving to have.

Jenny knew that just because they'd finally been able to be together where both of them could enjoy it, didn't mean everything was all better or that everything would be okay from now on. She was still struggling with a lot of emotional crap that Gibbs kept getting caught in the middle of. They would still have rough patches and hard times as they continued walking through this valley together. But that was the point, the difference. They were doing it together. And for this moment they were in love and everything was perfect.

_A/N: Wow! I can't believe it guys, APTP has reached it's end, finally! I can't say thank you enough to all my faithful readers for sticking with this story for three entire months. Thank you for the amazing, encouraging, timely reviews that made me smile each morning when I turned on my computer and checked my email, for your patience with my occasional delays, and finally, for just taking a chance and reading my story. _

_This is one of the first pieces of my writing that I've been able to get feedback on and I am overwhelmed by the response. You guys are awesome and I'm so thankful for this experience of writing on FanFiction. That said, this isn't the end, it's really just the beginning. Look for Gibbs and Jenny's story to continue in the sequel, __**A New Beginning **__(more about this later). Thanks again for everything. You all rock! High fives to everyone! :D_

_Aliyah_

_ps. There just might be a surprise posted tomorrow. Stay tuned!_


	128. Epilogue

_A/N: There wasn't supposed to be an epilogue, but then there it was so I decided to share it too. The reason Ch 127 is marked as the final chapter is because an epilogue is not technically a chapter, lol. But this one really is truly the end of this story, hence the words at the bottom of the page. Enjoy!_

Gibbs was sitting at the table in their room, holding a cup of coffee in one hand and browsing through the newspaper. Soft steps behind him alerted Gibbs to Jenny's presence. Two gentle arms wrapped around his neck and when she leaned over his shoulder to put her face next to his, Gibbs could feel her soft hair brushing against his skin.

He leaned back into her hold and wound a strand of red hair around his finger, remembering how it looked splayed out upon the pillows last night, while Jenny's body and his found each other again after weeks apart. A barely audible groan escaped Gibbs' lips and in one smooth motion, he twisted Jenny around so she fell into his lap, trapped in his arms. She laughed and he leaned closer, breathing in the smell of her that he loved so much.

Gibbs worked his fingers into her soft hair and Jenny slowly drew a finger down his cheek, tracing his jaw. He captured the offending hand and held it to his mouth for a kiss. Her wide eyes, open and trusting and full of love, nearly undid him right there. He frowned at her.

"You sure know how to test a man's resolve Jenny," he almost growled, aware that she wasn't doing any of it on purpose. She was just being his wife, his Jenny, the way he loved her.

Jenny quirked an eyebrow at him and wound her arms around his neck. "And which resolve might that be?" she asked in a low voice.

Gibbs settled his arms firmly around her waist, one of his thumbs absently running over her hip, making her squirm against him. He cleared his throat.

"The one about being a gentleman." But what he really wanted to do was take her back to bed this minute and have his way with her again until she moaned his name against his skin.

Jenny saw the smouldering fire in her husband's eyes and knew what he was holding back. "Jethro," she said, her tone suggestive, "did I ask?"

It was a dangerous offer, because this was still so new to them, being together this way, and they were willing it to be okay and not to bring up bad thoughts or unwanted memories by being so close.

Gibbs closed his eyes against her penetrating gaze and turned his head away for a second, his body reacting to her nearness in ways he couldn't control. Finally he sighed.

"No Jen, you didn't ask. But you deserve it. I just...don't want to rush you, to rush us, to rush this." He opened his eyes to read hers.

Jenny smiled and her face slowly got closer to his. Pressing her lips to the corner of his mouth to bestow the softest of kisses, she nuzzled her head into his neck.

"And I appreciate that, more than you know. Thank you Jethro, for loving me enough to sometimes say no."

With that she leapt out of his lap and Gibbs immediately missed her warmth and weight in his arms. Getting a good look at his wife now, Gibbs saw she was still in her silk nightie, or perhaps he should say she was back in the little purple number that had spend most of last night on the floor. It did look good on too.

Jenny looked back over her shoulder and caught him staring, but she only smiled, the 'come hither' pout on her lips making him grip the chair to keep himself seated.

"I'm going for a shower," she announced. "You should too." Jenny looked him up and down. "I hear sharing conserves water."

Now that was an invitation if he'd ever heard one. Gibbs opened his mouth to reply, but Jenny had already disappeared into the bathroom. He debated with himself back and forth, knowing she would understand if he declined the offer this time. They had the whole weekend and the rest of their lives to make up for lost time. Today was just about them - her, him, together, away from every distraction where nothing could get in the way.

Gibbs stood and looked out the window, spying a flower cart just down the street, with buckets of brightly coloured blossoms adorning the sidewalk in front of it. A slow smile crept across his face. In a little while when they were both ready to go, he would take Jenny by the cart, just to tell her 'I love you' one more time. That would explain everything, why he was taking things slowly and being so careful of their time together. He finally had her back and Gibbs never wanted to lose Jenny again.

THE END

_A/N 2: So, now that APTP is officially over, let me tell you what comes next. The sequel to APTP is __**A New Beginning**__, continuing roughly from where APTP left off. However, before that gets posted, you will see the prequel to this series __**What We've Always Wanted**__, documenting Jenny and Gibbs reunion and some moments of their relationship up to and after marriage._

_And for any Tiva fans, or anyone who has read After Somalia, I will be putting up Part 2 (__**Two Weeks Later**__) as a separate story but part of my Remnants of Somalia series, sometime after Valentine's Day or thereabouts. That series will be four stories long but will kind of be written at my leisure because of my other works-in-progress._

_Technically, I'm announcing a hiatus until March. Having APTP take over my life the last three months has been an incredible experience, but I need a bit of a break. However, if I get a sudden burst of inspiration, you may see something for the Only in my Dreams universe stories (WWAW, APTP, ANB etc.), before that._

_So, I will be back, I promise. I've got lots more stories to tell. Thank you all for everything and keep reading! : D_


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